Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence

desire

• Intimacy does nurture desire, but sexual pleasure also demands separateness. Erotic excitement requires that we step out of the intimate bond for a moment.

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• Getting what we want undermines the thrill of wanting it. The deliciousness of yearning, the elaborate strategies of pursuit—all the activity of desire—is killed by satisfaction.

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intimacy

• You've forfeited sensual complicity for emotional security. It's a cruel bargain.

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• What does sex mean to you? What do you seek in sex? What do you want to feel? She looks at me, perplexed. 'I have no idea. No one's ever asked me that before.'

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erotic-as-power

• The erotic imagination is fueled by aggression, raw lust, power, revenge, selfishness, and jealousy—permanent residents of intimate relations.

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• With a dominating woman, he gets a respite from having to be in control. The surrender not only pleases him erotically, it nurtures him emotionally.

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