Shame

Passages

Every passage tagged with this emotion in the Vela corpus. Search the body text, narrow by source or register, click through to a book’s profile to see how the passage sits with the rest of the work.

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• From Heptaméron (1559)

  The rest of the night was spent by the discomfited gallant in such reflections as these, mingled with tears^ groans, and wailings indescribable. In the morning he feigned illness, to conceal the mangled state of his coun- tenance, pretending all the while the company remained in the house that he could not endure the light. The lady, who was convinced that there was no one at the court capable of so audacious an act except the man who had the boldness to declare his love to her, searched the chamber with the lady of honour; but not finding a pas- sage through which anyone could have entered, she broke into a towering passion. " Be assured," she said to the lady of honour, " that the lord of this mansion is the man, and that I will make such a report to-morrow morning to my brother that the culprit's head shall bear witness to my chastity." "I am delighted, madam," said her wary attendant, who saw what a transport of rage she was in — " I am delighted that honour is so precious in your eyes that, for its sake, you would not spare the life of a man who has put it in jeopardy through excess of love. But in this, as in every other matter, one may fall backwards when thinking to advance. Therefore, tell me, madam, the plain truth. Has he had anything of you .'' " " Nothing, I do assure you," replied the princess, '' besides scratches and cuffs ; and unless he has found a very clever surgeon, I am sure he will show the marks cf them to-morrow." " That being the case, madam, it strikes me you ought rather to praise God than think of vengeance First day.\ QUEEN OF NA VARRE. 3g

• From Buddenbrooks: The Decline of a Family (1901)

  But he was called upon to express this thought, to consider it, to think of it at all? Was he able to imagine his father, his grandfather, any of his fellow citizens pondering and expressing this thought? A man who stands firmly and unequivocally in his calling knows only this, knows only about this, appreciates only this... Suddenly he felt his blood rush to his head, blushing at a second memory from further back. He saw himself walking around with his brother Christian in the garden of the Mengstrasse house, caught up in an argument, one of those deeply regrettable, agitated arguments … Christian had, in his indiscreet and compromising Art, made a slovenly statement in front of many ears, about which he, furious, indignant, extremely irritated, had confronted him. Actually, Christian had said, basically every businessman is a swindler... How? was this insipid and baseless way of speaking so far removed in essence from what he had just allowed himself to say to his sister? He had been indignant about it, had protested in a rage… But what had that clever little Tony said? Who gets excited... "No!" said the senator suddenly in a loud voice, jerked his head up, dropped the window handle, practically pushed away and said just as loudly: "This is over!" Then he cleared his throat to complain about the unpleasant Getting over the sensation his own lonely voice was causing him, turned and began pacing back and forth through all the rooms, head bowed quickly, hands behind his back. "This is over!" he repeated. 'It must come to an end! I'm wasting, I'm getting bogged down, I'm getting sillier than Christian!' Oh, it was infinitely thankful that he wasn't in ignorance of how things were with him! It was now in his hands to correct himself! By force!... Let's see... let's see... what was the offer that had been made to him? The harvest… The Pöppenrader harvest on the stalk? "I'll do it!" he said in a passionate whisper, even shaking a hand outstretched index finger. "I will do it!" Wasn't it what you call a coup? An opportunity to quite simply - and to put it a little exaggeratedly - double a capital of, say, forty thousand Kurantmarks?... Yes, it was a pointer, a nod to get up! It was a start, a first blow, and the risk involved was just one more refutation of all moral scruples. If it succeeded, then he was restored, then he would dare again, then he would hold the fortune and power again with those inner elastic clamps... No, unfortunately this catch would elude Messrs. Strunck & Hagenström! There was a local company that in this case had the upper hand because of personal connections!... In fact, the personal was the decisive factor here. It was no ordinary business, done coolly and in the usual manner.

• From Blue Like Jazz (2003)

  We probably didn’t need the timer plug in the first place. I could probably have plugged the lamp into the regular socket and been fine. But when I saw the timer plug at Fred Meyer last week, I stood there looking at it, having come across it by accident, and I realized how very much I needed it. And it was only seven dollars. I need this for seven dollars, I thought to myself, this is very important. I put it into my basket and walked off, wondering what it was that I needed to plug into it. That, of course, is now obvious: the lamp in the upstairs den. I got the timer plug home and programmed it without reading the instructions, then I went to plug the lamp in but the lamp was too far from the outlet. I could not move the lamp closer without ruining the Feng Shui. I have this fruit nut friend who says Feng Shui is very important, that a room should be balanced so that you feel balanced when you are in it. I put the lamp closer to the outlet, and my fruit nut friend was right because I felt very unbalanced. So I would need an extension cord to go with the timer plug. I only say all this to show you that I have a problem with buying things I really don’t need. I saw this documentary about the brain that says habits are formed when the “pleasure center” of the brain lights up as we do a certain behavior. The documentary said that some people’s pleasure centers light up when they buy things. I wondered if my pleasure center did that. Penny thinks I am terrible with the little money I have. I was talking to her the other night, and I mentioned that I was interested in buying a remote control car, and she just sort of sat there and didn’t say anything. Penny, are you there? I asked. Yes, she said. What? I asked. Are you serious, Don? Are you going to waste perfectly good money on a remote control car? “Well . . . uh,” I said. “Well . . . uh . . . Miller, that would be a pretty dumb thing to do when there are children starving in India!” she told me. I hate it when Penny does this. Honestly, it can be so annoying. She lives it though. She didn’t buy clothes for an entire year, her senior year at Reed, because she felt like she was irresponsible with money. She always looked very beautiful anyway, and for her birthday I bought her some mittens at Saturday Market for seven dollars. She wore them like they were from Tiffany’s or something. She always talked about them. They weren’t that big of a deal, but she hadn’t had any new clothes for a year so I think she wore them while she was sleeping or something.

• From The Principles of Psychology (Volume 1 of 2) (1890)

  No, it is no such pure principle, it is simply my total empirical selfhood again, my historic Me, a collection of objective facts, to which the depreciated image in your mind 'belongs.' In what capacity is it that I claim and demand a respectful greeting from you instead of this expression of disdain? It is not as being a bare I that I claim it; it is as being an I who has always been treated with respect, who belongs to a certain family and 'set,' who has certain powers, possessions, and public functions, sensibilities, duties, and purposes, and merits and deserts. All this is what your disdain negates and contradicts; this is 'the thing inside of me' whose changed treatment I feel the shame about; this is what was lusty, and now, in consequence of your conduct, is collapsed; and this certainly is an empirical objective thing. Indeed, the thing that is felt modified and changed for the worse during my feeling of shame is often more concrete even than this,—it is simply my bodily person, in which your conduct immediately and without any reflection at all on my part works those muscular, glandular, and vascular changes which together make up the 'expression' of shame. In this instinctive, reflex sort of shame, the body is just as much the entire vehicle of the self-feeling as, in the coarser cases which we first took up, it was the vehicle of the self-seeking. As, in simple 'hoggishness,' a succulent morsel gives rise, by the reflex mechanism, to behavior which the bystanders find 'greedy,' and consider to flow from a certain sort of 'self-regard;' so here your disdain gives rise, by a mechanism quite as reflex and immediate, to another sort of behavior, which the bystanders call 'shame-faced' and which they consider due to another kind of self-regard. But in both cases there may be no particular self regarded at all by the mind; and the name self-regard may be only a descriptive title imposed from without the reflex acts themselves, and the feelings that immediately result from their discharge. After the bodily and social selves come the spiritual. But which of my spiritual selves do I really care for? My Soul-substance? my 'transcendental Ego, or Thinker'? my pronoun I? my subjectivity as such? my nucleus of cephalic adjustments? or my more phenomenal and perishable powers, my loves and hates, willingnesses and sensibilities, and the like? Surely the latter. But they, relatively to the central principle, whatever it may be, are external and objective. They come and go, and it remains—"so shakes the magnet, and so stands the pole." It may indeed have to be there for them to be loved, but being there is not identical with being loved itself. To sum up, then, we see no reason to suppose that self-love' is primarily, or secondarily, or ever, love for one's mere principle of conscious identity .

• From New Testament Words (1964)

  (ii) But also, it was God’s Holy Spirit in his heart which enabled a man to recognize God’s truth when he heard it. The Jews believed that the Holy Spirit of God operated from without to bring men truth; and from within to enable them to recognize truth. The Holy Spirit was at once, to them, the revealer and the touchstone of truth. So when Paul uses the word arrabōn of the Holy Spirit the thought in his mind is that the imperfect knowledge that men now possess is the first instalment of the full knowledge they will one day possess; that which God has told them now is the pledge and guarantee that he will some day tell them all; that the joy that comes to a man now in the Spirit is the pledge of the perfect joy of heaven. The Holy Spirit to Paul is the guarantee of God that, though now we see through a glass darkly, we shall some day see face to face; and that, though now we only know in part, we shall some day know even as we are known (I Cor. 13.12). ASELGEIA THE UTTER SHAMELESSNESS In many ways aselgeia is the ugliest word in the list of NT sins. It occurs quite frequently (Mark 7.22; II Cor. 12.21; Gal. 5.19; Eph. 4.19; I Pet. 4.3; Jude 4; Rom. 13.13; II Pet. 2.2, 7, 18). The AV varies between ‘lasciviousness’ and ‘wantonness’. The RSV consistently prefers ‘licentiousness’. Moffatt regularly translates it ‘sensuality’. To some extent all these translations fail to give the one essential characteristic of aselgeia. Let us look first at some of the classical and Christian definitions of it. It is used by Plato in the sense of ‘impudence’. It is defined by a late writer as ‘preparedness for every pleasure’. It is defined as ‘violence coupled with insult and audacity’. It is defined by Basil as ‘a disposition of the soul which does not possess and cannot bear the pain of discipline’. It is described as ‘the spirit which knows no restraints and which dares whatever caprice and wanton insolence suggest’. It is Lightfoot who seizes on the essential quality in aselgeia. He says that a man may be ‘unclean’ (akathartos) and hide his sin, but the man who is aselgēs (the adjective) shocks public decency. Here is the very essence of aselgeia; the man in whose soul aselgeia dwells is so much in the grip of sin, so much under its domination, that he does not care what people say or think so long as he can gratify his evil desire. He is the man who is lost to shame.

• From Blue Like Jazz (2003)

  I was living in a cabin in the Rockies with about seven other guys, and the whole lot of us fell into this militant Christianity that says you should live like a Navy SEAL for Jesus. I am absolutely ashamed to admit this now. We would fast all the time, pray together twice each day, memorize Scripture, pat each other on the back and that sort of thing. Summer was coming to a close, and we were getting pretty proud of ourselves because we had read a great deal of Scripture and hadn’t gotten anybody pregnant. We were concerned, however, about what to do after we split up, thinking that if we didn’t have each other we’d fall apart and start selling drugs to children. One of us, and it was probably me, decided to create a contract that listed things we wouldn’t do for an entire year, like watch television or smoke pipes or listen to music. It was the constitution of our self-righteous individualism. The contract stated we would read the Bible every day, pray, and memorize certain long passages of Scripture. We sat around one night with pen and paper and offered sacrifices, each of us trying to outman the other with bigger and brighter lambs for the slaughter. We were the direct opposite of a frat house; instead of funneling our testosterone into binge drinking and rowdy parties, we were manning up to Jesus, bumping Him chest to chest as it were, like Bible salesmen on steroids. I hitched a ride back to Oregon and got an apartment in the suburbs where I didn’t know anybody and nobody knew me. I had this necklace on my neck, this string of beads, each bead representing one of the guys in the contract, and a cross in the center, a reminder that we had all gone in on this thing, that we were going to be monks for a year. At first it was easy, living in a new place and all, a new city, but after a while that necklace started to choke me. The first of the exploits to go was the Bible. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to read it or didn’t agree with it, I would just forget. It sat on the floor next to my bed beneath a pile of dirty clothes. Out of sight, out of mind. I’d forget about it for a month until I cleaned my room, and then I’d lift up a pile of dirty clothes and there would be my Bible, staring up at me like a dead pet. One evening I was walking around Pioneer Square in down-town Portland when I noticed a pipe and tobacco store across the street. I decided I’d step inside and take a look-see. I came out with a new pipe that I swore I wouldn’t smoke till the year was up. It was a good deal, you know, about fifteen dollars or something.

• From Blue Like Jazz (2003)

  For the first time I saw them as people, and I could sense God’s love for them. I had been living with God’s prized possessions, His children, the dear ones to Him, and had considered them a bother to this earth that was mine, this space and time that were mine. [image "9780785263708_0196_006" file=Image00077.jpg] In the short year at Graceland I hurt all the guys at one time or another. Fixing the carnage would take time. I had to make things right with each of them. I had really messed things up. Jeremy, the guy with the marine haircut who was going to become a cop, couldn’t stand me. I had run my car through the garage door one night and neglected to fix it. Jeremy parked his motorcycle in the garage and so he had to use the broken door every day. My room was directly above the garage, so when Jeremy went to work in the morning at five o’clock, he would start his motorcycle engine, and it sounded like somebody was starting a lawn mower next to my bed. I would get furious, and later that night I would ask him if there was something we could do. He said no, that was where he needed to keep his motorcycle. And that was true. So, every time Jeremy had trouble getting the broken door up and down, he would get mad at me, and every time he started his motorcycle at 5:00 a.m., I would get mad at him. The issue, of course, was not about the motorcycle or the door; the issue was about whether or not we respected each other, whether or not we liked each other. One evening I was down in the basement talking to Tuck while he was working out. I decided to do some laundry while I was down there, but somebody’s clothes were in the dryer. There was no place to put them so I put them on the floor. I didn’t think anything of it, you know, because the floor was pretty clean, but it turned out the clothes were Jeremy’s and, later that night, when he got home, he wrote a note on our white board to the person who had thrown his clothes on the floor. I didn’t actually throw them on the floor, I just sort of set them there, but still, he was pretty heated. I told him it was me, and I apologized. He had to go for a walk he was so mad. It was the last straw for him. When he came back I asked him if we could talk. I told him it was time we dealt with it. He kept wanting to walk away from the conversation because he was so mad, but I wouldn’t let him. I was ready to apologize.

• From Saint Thomas Aquinas Collection (22 Books) (2016)

  On the part of sin, there are two things which may withdraw man therefrom: one is the inordinateness and shamefulness of the act, the consideration of which is wont to arouse man to repentance for the sin he has committed, and against this there is “impenitence,” not as denoting permanence in sin until death, in which sense it was taken above (for thus it would not be a special sin, but a circumstance of sin), but as denoting the purpose of not repenting. The other thing is the smallness or brevity of the good which is sought in sin, according to Rom. 6:21: “What fruit had you therefore then in those things, of which you are now ashamed?” The consideration of this is wont to prevent man’s will from being hardened in sin, and this is removed by “obstinacy,” whereby man hardens his purpose by clinging to sin. Of these two it is written (Jer. 8:6): “There is none that doth penance for his sin, saying: What have I done?” as regards the first; and, “They are all turned to their own course, as a horse rushing to the battle,” as regards the second. Reply to Objection 1: The sins of despair and presumption consist, not in disbelieving in God’s justice and mercy, but in contemning them. Reply to Objection 2: Obstinacy and impenitence differ not only in respect of past and future time, but also in respect of certain formal aspects by reason of the diverse consideration of those things which may be considered in sin, as explained above. Reply to Objection 3: Grace and truth were the work of Christ through the gifts of the Holy Ghost which He gave to men. Reply to Objection 4: To refuse to obey belongs to obstinacy, while a feigned repentance belongs to impenitence, and schism to the envy of a brother’s spiritual good, whereby the members of the Church are united together. Whether the sin against the Holy Ghost can be forgiven?Objection 1: It would seem that the sin against the Holy Ghost can be forgiven. For Augustine says (De Verb. Dom., Serm. lxxi): “We should despair of no man, so long as Our Lord’s patience brings him back to repentance.” But if any sin cannot be forgiven, it would be possible to despair of some sinners. Therefore the sin against the Holy Ghost can be forgiven. Objection 2: Further, no sin is forgiven, except through the soul being healed by God. But “no disease is incurable to an all-powerful physician,” as a gloss says on Ps. 102:3, “Who healeth all thy diseases.” Therefore the sin against the Holy Ghost can be forgiven.

• From Saint Thomas Aquinas Collection (22 Books) (2016)

  JEROME. Also, by this which this servant dared to say, Thou, reapest where thou sowedst not, we understand that the Lord accepts the good life of the Gentiles and of the Philosophers. GREGORY. (ubi sup.) But there are many within the Church of whom this servant is a type, who fear to set out on the path of a better life, and yet are not afraid to continue in carnal indolence; they esteem themselves sinners, and therefore tremble to take up the paths of holiness, but fearlessly remain in their own iniquities. HILARY. Or, By this servant is understood the Jewish people which continues in the Law, and says I was afraid of thee, as through fear of the old commandments abstaining from the exercise of evangelical liberty; and it says, Lo, there is that is thine, as though it had continued in those things which the Lord commanded, when yet it knew that the fruits of righteousness should be reaped there, where the Law had not been sown, and that there should be gathered from among the Gentiles some who were not scattered of the seed of Abraham. JEROME. But what he thought would be his excuse is turned into his condemnation. He calls him wicked servant, because he cavilled against his Lord; and slothful, because he would not double his talent; condemning his pride in the one, and his idleness in the other. If you knew me to be hard and austere, and to seek after other men’s goods, you should also have known that I exact with the more rigour that is mine own, and should have given my money to the bankers; for the Greek word here (ἀζγύριον) means money. The words of the Lord are pure words, silver tried in the fire. (Ps. 12:6.) The money, or silver, then are the preaching of the Gospel and the heavenly word; which ought to be given to the bankers, that is, either to the other doctors, which the Apostles did when they ordained Priests and Bishops throughout the cities; or to all the believers, who can double the sum and restore it with usury by fulfilling in act what they have learned in word. GREGORY. (Hom. in Ev. ix. 4.) So then we see as well the peril of the teachers if they withhold the Lord’s money, as that of the hearers from whom is exacted with usury that they have heard, namely, that from what they have heard they should strive to understand that they have not heard. ORIGEN. The Lord did not allow that He was a hard man as the servant supposed, but He assented to all his other words. But He is indeed hard to those who abuse the mercy of God to suffer themselves to become remiss, and use it not to be converted.

• From Saint Thomas Aquinas Collection (22 Books) (2016)

  Husbands, however, do not sin any less than wives, although they sometimes may salve themselves to the contrary. This is clear for three reasons. First, because of the equality which holds between husband and wife, for “the husband also does not have power over his own body, but the wife” [1 Cor 7:4]. Therefore, as far as the rights of matrimony are concerned, one cannot act without the consent of the other. As an indication of this, God did not form woman from the foot or from the head, but from the rib of the man. Now, marriage was at no time a perfect state until the law of Christ came, because the Jew could have many wives, but a wife could not have many husbands; hence, equality did not exist. The second reason is because strength is a special quality of the man, while the passion proper to the woman is concupiscence: “You husbands, likewise dwelling with them according to knowledge, giving honor to the female as to the weaker vessel” [1 Pt 3:7]. Therefore, if you ask from your wife what you do not keep yourself, then you are unfaithful. The third reason is from the authority of the husband. For the husband is head of the wife, and as it is said: “Women may not speak in the church,... if they would learn anything, let them ask their husbands at home” [10]. The husband is the teacher of his wife, and God, therefore, gave the Commandment to the husband. Now, as regards fulfillment of their duties, a priest who fails is more guilty than a layman, and a bishop more than a priest, because it is especially incumbent upon them to teach others. In like manner, the husband that commits adultery breaks faith by not obeying that which he ought. WHY ADULTERY AND FORNICATION MUST BE AVOIDEDThus, God forbids adultery both to men and women. Now, it must be known that, although some believe that adultery is a sin, yet they do not believe that simple fornication is a mortal sin. Against them stand the words of St. Paul: “For fornicators and adulterers God will judge” [Hb 13:4]. And: “Do not err: neither fornicators... nor adulterers, nor the effeminate, nor liers with men shall possess the kingdom of God” [1 Cor 6:9]. But one is not excluded from the kingdom of God except by mortal sin; therefore, fornication is a mortal sin.

• From Love & Sex: A Christian Guide to Healthy Intimacy (2018)

  “My friend Nancy Houston has helped me redeem my sexuality in such a godly way. After being molested as a child I coped with that pain by viewing pornography. For years I viewed sex and sexuality through a lens God never intended. Nancy has helped me understand God’s plan and perspective about sex and my sexuality and I have been freed to enjoy it with my wife in ways I could never have imagined! Love & Sex: A Christian Guide to Healthy Intimacy will help you understand love and sex God’s way. The right way. The fun way. ENJOY!” —Tim Ross, senior pastor at Embassy City Church [image file=image_rsrc1RC.jpg] [image file=image_rsrc1RD.jpg] Copyright © 2018 by Nancy Houston All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system now known or to be invented, without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer who wishes to quote brief passages in connection with a review written for inclusion in a magazine, newspaper, website, or broadcast. Regnery™ is a trademark of Salem Communications Holding Corporation; Regnery® is a registered trademark of Salem Communications Holding Corporation Unless otherwise noted, Scripture quotations are taken from THE MESSAGE, copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress. All rights reserved. Represented by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. Scripture quotations marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright ©1996, 2004, 2007, 2013, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved. Cataloging-in-Publication data on file with the Library of Congress e-book ISBN 978-1-62157-715-7 Published in the United States by Regnery Faith, an imprint of Regnery Publishing A Division of Salem Media Group 300 New Jersey Ave NW Washington, DC 20001 www.RegneryFaith.com 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Books are available in quantity for promotional or premium use. For information on discounts and terms, please visit our website: www.Regnery.com. The Author is represented by Ambassador Literary Agency, Nashville, TN. CONTENTS INTRODUCTION ONE​The Invitation TWO​Real Life THREE​The Secret FOUR​Love and Longing FIVE​Doing the Work of Healing SIX​Doing Life Together SEVEN​The Guys’ Group EIGHT​Time to Heal NINE​Sexual Wholeness Seminar TEN​Cultivating Happiness ELEVEN​Hold Me TWELVE​Passion ACKNOWLEDGMENTS NOTES To my husband, Ron. Without you, this book wouldn’t be possible. Thank you for loving me, encouraging me, and pushing me to be braver than I would be without you. I love doing life with you; even when we fight we find our way back to each other’s arms. Your love holds me steady and allows me to explore this beautiful life we share! Introduction

• From Little Women (1868)

  Framed in a brilliant scrollwork of scarlet, blue and gold, with little spirits of good will helping one another up and down among the thorns and flowers, were the words, "Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself." "I ought, but I don't," thought Amy, as her eye went from the bright page to May's discontented face behind the big vases, that could not hide the vacancies her pretty work had once filled. Amy stood a minute, turning the leaves in her hand, reading on each some sweet rebuke for all heartburnings and uncharitableness of spirit. Many wise and true sermons are preached us every day by unconscious ministers in street, school, office, or home. Even a fair table may become a pulpit, if it can offer the good and helpful words which are never out of season. Amy's conscience preached her a little sermon from that text, then and there, and she did what many of us do not always do, took the sermon to heart, and straightway put it in practice. A group of girls were standing about May's table, admiring the pretty things, and talking over the change of saleswomen. They dropped their voices, but Amy knew they were speaking of her, hearing one side of the story and judging accordingly. It was not pleasant, but a better spirit had come over her, and presently a chance offered for proving it. She heard May say sorrowfully... "It's too bad, for there is no time to make other things, and I don't want to fill up with odds and ends. The table was just complete then. Now it's spoiled." "I dare say she'd put them back if you asked her," suggested someone. "How could I after all the fuss?" began May, but she did not finish, for Amy's voice came across the hall, saying pleasantly... "You may have them, and welcome, without asking, if you want them. I was just thinking I'd offer to put them back, for they belong to your table rather than mine. Here they are, please take them, and forgive me if I was hasty in carrying them away last night." As she spoke, Amy returned her contribution, with a nod and a smile, and hurried away again, feeling that it was easier to do a friendly thing than it was to stay and be thanked for it. "Now, I call that lovely of her, don't you?" cried one girl. May's answer was inaudible, but another young lady, whose temper was evidently a little soured by making lemonade, added, with a disagreeable laugh, "Very lovely, for she knew she wouldn't sell them at her own table." Now, that was hard. When we make little sacrifices we like to have them appreciated, at least, and for a minute Amy was sorry she had done it, feeling that virtue was not always its own reward.

• From Talk Dirty to Me: An Intimate Philosophy of Sex (1994)

  One of the most common liberal assumptions about sadomasochistic pleasures is that its primary purpose is that of switching roles: The powerless person longs to be in control, to be the dominatrix, and the person with power longs to submit. That might explain why the largest group of people who practice S/M are heterosexual men who want to be dominated. (Is it any wonder, given his background, that Joyce called Nora “my little mother”?) The uses of rough sex are complex and often ambiguous. Both men and women who have childhood histories of physical and sexual abuses practice sadomasochism—not, as might be expected, because their experiences twisted them into easily victimized personalities or angry abusers in turn. They practice it as a form of healing, an explicable acting-out of trauma in an environment built on trust, an environment that has no room for secrets. Rough sex, because it is constructed on negotiation, means one is constantly asking for something—a certain touch, or permission to touch a certain way. Nothing is taken for granted. That terrible shame of asking for something sexual becomes the central plot rather than the uncomfortable sidebar. And the accomplishment of asking for, and receiving, becomes liberation. I know a man who was once asked by a lover to spank her with a hairbrush; being a liberal kind of guy, the request made him uncomfortable, but he complied. And afterward told me he would never, ever do such a thing again. Why not? I asked. Because she liked it, he said. And I liked it, too. I compare my friend’s aversion to the cheerful confession I read recently of a therapist who has a rubber fetish and likes to be all wrapped up, who warns his friends not to leave their raincoats or boots lying around when he comes over. S/M acknowledges the existence of the complex and layered power structures that are always there between us. The real text of power fantasies is the release from all the things they represent. Such dreams transcend mere sex and enter the world of relationship and love through a kind of psychic back door. Some people call painful sex “cathartic sex” because it isn’t really about dominance and submission split between two real people, but about the way we split dominance and submission inside ourselves. How in the world can domination be exciting? But we’re not in the world. We’re in a place of our own making, where we choose to imagine having no control at all, no responsibility, no mind, where we can be devoured and love it. Where we can imagine annihilation and survive.

• From Blue Like Jazz (2003)

  I WAS A FUNDAMENTALIST CHRISTIAN ONCE. IT lasted a summer. I was in that same phase of trying to discipline myself to “behave” as if I loved light and not “behave” as if I loved darkness. I used to get really ticked about preachers who talked too much about grace, because they tempted me to not be disciplined. I figured what people needed was a kick in the butt, and if I failed at godliness it was because those around me weren’t trying hard enough. I believed if word got out about grace, the whole church was going to turn into a brothel. I was a real jerk, I think. I hit my self-righteous apex while working at a fundamentalist Christian camp in Colorado. I was living in a cabin in the Rockies with about seven other guys, and the whole lot of us fell into this militant Christianity that says you should live like a Navy SEAL for Jesus. I am absolutely ashamed to admit this now. We would fast all the time, pray together twice each day, memorize Scripture, pat each other on the back and that sort of thing. Summer was coming to a close, and we were getting pretty proud of ourselves because we had read a great deal of Scripture and hadn’t gotten anybody pregnant. We were concerned, however, about what to do after we split up, thinking that if we didn’t have each other we’d fall apart and start selling drugs to children. One of us, and it was probably me, decided to create a contract that listed things we wouldn’t do for an entire year, like watch television or smoke pipes or listen to music. It was the constitution of our self-righteous individualism. The contract stated we would read the Bible every day, pray, and memorize certain long passages of Scripture. We sat around one night with pen and paper and offered sacrifices, each of us trying to outman the other with bigger and brighter lambs for the slaughter. We were the direct opposite of a frat house; instead of funneling our testosterone into binge drinking and rowdy parties, we were manning up to Jesus, bumping Him chest to chest as it were, like Bible salesmen on steroids. I hitched a ride back to Oregon and got an apartment in the suburbs where I didn’t know anybody and nobody knew me. I had this necklace on my neck, this string of beads, each bead representing one of the guys in the contract, and a cross in the center, a reminder that we had all gone in on this thing, that we were going to be monks for a year. At first it was easy, living in a new place and all, a new city, but after a while that necklace started to choke me.

• From Heptaméron (1559)

  wished, but as long as he could, for he showed symptoms of an old married man, he went out of doors to his friend, who was younger and more vigorous, and told him what a fine treat he had just had. " You know what you promised me," said the friend. " Well, be quick then," said the master, " for fear she gets up, or my wife wants her." The friend lost no time, but took the unoccupied place beside the supposed servant, who, thinking he was her husband, let him do whatever he liked, without a word said on either side. He made a much longer business of it than the husband, greatly to the surprise of the wife, who was not accustomed to be so well re- galed. However, she took it all patiently, comforting herself with the thought of what she would say to him in the morning, and how she would make game of him. The friend got out of bed towards daybreak, but not without taking the stirrup-cup. During this ceremony he drew from her finger the ring with which her husband had wedded her, a thing which the women of that coun- try preserve with great superstition, thinking highly of a woman who keeps it till death : on the other hand, one who has had the mischance to lose it is looked upon as having given her faith to another than her husband. When the friend had rejoined the husband, the latter asked him what he thought of his bedfellow. " Never was a better," replied the friend ; " and if I had not been afraid of being surprised by daylight, I should not have come away from her so soon." That said, they went to bed, and slept as quietly as they could. In the morning, when they were dressing, the husband perceived on his friend's finger the ring, which looked very like that he had given his wife when he married her. He asked who had given him that ring, and was astounded to hear that he had taken it from the servant's finger. " Oh Lord ! ^6 THE HEPTAMERON OF THE [AVzv/ S. have I made a cuckold of myself, without mywife's know- ing it ? " cried the husband, knocking his head against the wall. The friend suggested for his consolation that possibly his wife might have given the ring overnight to the servant to keep.

• From New Testament Words (1964)

  Most men have enough decency left to seek to hide their sin, but the aselgēs is long past that. He will be guilty of any outrageous conduct, and care for nothing except to satisfy his desires. He is like a drug-taker. At first the drug-taker will indulge secretly and will try to conceal the fact that he takes drugs at all. In the end he will whine and grovel and beg and beseech and implore completely without restraint and completely without shame, because the drug has so mastered him. Now it so happens that, in the NT, aselgeia usually occurs, not alone, but either in lists of sins or in conjunction with other sins. It is instructive to see with what other sins it is most closely connected. (i) Three times (Mark 7.22; Eph. 4.19; II Pet. 2.2) it occurs close to pleonexia. Pleonexia is the unbridled longing to possess more, the uncontrollable desire to possess things which are forbidden and which should not be desired at all. Therefore there is in aselgeia the idea of ‘sheer, shameless greed’. It is the vice of the man who will submit to demean himself and to shame himself in any way in order to possess that which he has set his heart upon. (ii) In four cases (Mark 7.22; II Cor. 12.21; Gal. 5.19; II Pet. 2.18) it is connected with adultery and lust and sexual sin. Therefore in aselgeia there is involved the idea of ‘sheer animal lust’. One has only to walk the streets of any great city to see that kind of aselgeia in terrible action. It is the vice of a man who has no more shame than an animal in the gratification of his physical desires. (iii) In three cases (Gal. 5.19; I Pet. 4.3; Rom. 13.13) it is connected with drunkenness. In particular it is connected with the word kōmoi. Originally a kōmos was a band of friends who accompanied a victor in the games on his way home. They sang their rejoicings and his praises. But the word degenerated until it came to mean a ‘carousal’, a band of drunken revellers, swaying and singing their way through the streets. Therefore aselgeia has in it that ‘sheer self-indulgence’, which is such a slave to its so-called pleasures that it is lost to shame. It is perhaps Josephus who gives us the flavour of the meaning of aselgeia best of all. He couples it with mania, ‘madness’, and he declares that that was the sin of Jezebel when she erected a shrine of Baal in the Holy City, the very city of God. Such an act was a shocking outrage which defied all decency and flaunted all public opinion.

• From Love & Sex: A Christian Guide to Healthy Intimacy (2018)

  Angie jumped in, “I can’t tell you how accepted I felt when I shared my dirty little secret. Thank you for not judging me. I have been judging myself for so long, and I just assumed if you knew the real me, you would run out of the room and never come back. I have hated myself for having an affair. I know it was wrong. I can’t believe this is me and my life. I justified my behavior because I didn’t love my husband. But I realized after last week and doing our homework that I had never let him in. I rejected his love from the start. I used him to have kids and then I treated him as if he were disposable. I had no respect for that man. Thank you for not judging the horrible person I have become.” Olivia asked, “Ladies, what do you think? Is Angie horrible?” In unison, they shook their heads. Kaycie quietly said, “Angie, how can I judge you when I have pushed James away in different but similar ways? Your sin isn’t any different than my sin. And when I heard your story of how your dad was so inappropriate sexually with peeking and leering at you and taking baths with you until you were ten, I understood you. I have grace for you. I have compassion for you. I have empathy for you. And I am so proud of you for finally opening up. I’m praying you will keep trusting us and practicing honesty with us. I don’t think you are horrible at all. Please, let us love you so you can heal. And let Jesus love you too.” Tears were flowing freely from the women in the group. Kaycie stood up and gave Angie a long hug. It’s true love that heals. The Family of God (FOG) was doing its designated job, healing the wounds of Family of Origin (FOO) so the child within the adult can grow up in healthy ways—surrounded by the love and grace needed to grow a healthy self. The group paused to soak in what was taking place. Angie had softened and looked like a different woman. “So, if all this mess hasn’t been all my husband’s fault, how do I let him in? How do we heal? Is there any chance we can?” Angie pleaded. “It sounds like you are considering healing your relationship with him,” Olivia reflected. “That’s a big change, Angie. Do you want to tell us about it?”

• From Heptaméron (1559)

  The gentleman knew well what this meant, and re- mained a day or two without seeing the duke, pondering over the means of extricating himself from so bad a dilemma. On the one hand, he considered the obligations he was under to his master, the wealth and honours he had received from him; on the other hand, he thought of the honour of his house, and the virtue and chastity of his sister. He knew very well that she never would consent to such infamy, unless she were overcome by fraud or violence, which he could not think of employ- ing, considering the shame it would bring upon him and her. In fine, he made up his mind that he would rather die than behave so vilely to his sister, who was one of the best women in Italy ; and he resolved to deliver his country from a tyrant who was bent on disgracing his house ; for he saw clearly that the only means of secur- ing the lives of himself and his kindred was to get rid of the duke. Resolved, then, without speaking to his sister, to save his life and prevent his shame by one and the same deed, he went after two days to the duke, and told him that he had laboured so hard with his sister that at last, with infinite difificulty, he had brought her to consent to the duke's wishes, but on condition that the affair should be kept secret, and that no one should know of it but they three. As people readily believe what they desire, the duke put implicit faith in the brother's words. He embraced him, promised him everything he could ask, urged him to hasten t]ie ful- 11(3 THE nEPTA.^fERON OF THE {Novel \2. filment of his good tidings, and appointed a time with him for that purpose. When the exulting duke saw the approach of the night he so longed for, in which he expected to conquer her whom he had thought invincible, he retired early with his favourite, and did not forget to dress and per- fume himself with his best care. When all was still, the o-entleman conducted him to his sister's abode,and showed him into a magnificent chamber, where he undressed him, put him to bed, and left him, saying, " I am going, my lord, to bring you one who will not enter this room without blushing ; but I hope that before day dawns she will be assured of you."

• From Heptaméron (1559)

  Since he has had the heart to make such an attempt, the vexation of having failed in it will be more poignant than even death itself. If you would be avenged on him, leave him to his love and to his shame, which will make him suffer more than anything you can do. Do not fall, madam, into tlie blunder he has committed. He prom- ised himself the sweetest of all pleasures, and he has brought upon himself the most miserable torment. Profit by his example, madam, and do not diminish your glory in thinking to augment it. If you complain of the adventure, you will publish what is known to nobody ; for you may be sure that on his part it will remain an everlasting secret. Suppose even my lord your brother does you the justice you demand, and that it costs the poor gentleman his life, people will say that he has had his will of you ; and most people will find it hard to be- lieve that he would have made such an attempt if you had not given him encouragement. You are handsome, young, and lively. All the court knows that you are graciously familiar with the gentleman you suspect ; and so everyone will conclude that he only made this attempt because it was your wish that he should do so. Your honour, which has hitherto sustained no blemish, will be- come at least questionable wherever this story is told." The princess yielded to the force of these judicious representations, and asked the lady of honour what she should do. " Since you are pleased to receive my coun- sel, madam," replied the lady, " seeing the affection from which it proceeds, I must say that, in my opinion, you ought to be heartily rejoiced that the handsomest and best-bred man I know has neither by fair means nor by foul been able to make you swerve from the path of vir- tue. For this, madam, you should feel bound to humble yourself before God, and acknowledge that it is His work 40 THE HEPTAMERON OF THE \Novel 4,

• From Saint Thomas Aquinas Collection (22 Books) (2016)

  CHRYSOSTOM. (Hom. ii. De Inc. Nat. Dei sup.) Considering his own age, and moreover the barrenness of his wife, Zacharias doubted; as it is said, And Zacharias said unto the angel, Whereby shall I know this? as if he said, “How shall this be?” And he adds the reason of his doubting; For I am an old man. An unseasonable time of life, an ill-suited nature; the planter infirm, the soil barren. But it is thought by some a thing unpardonable. in the priest, that he raises a course of objections; for whenever God declares any thing, it becomes us to receive it in faith, and moreover, disputes of this kind are the mark of a rebellious spirit. Hence it follows; And the angel answering said unto him, I am Gabriel, who stand before God. BEDE. As if he says, “If it were man who promised these miracles, one might with impunity demand a sign, but when an angel promises, it is then not right to doubt. It follows; And I am sent to speak to thee. CHRYSOSTOM. (sup.) That when you hear that I am sent from God, you should deem none of the things which are said unto thee to be of man, for I speak not of myself, but declare the message of Him who sends me. And this is the merit and excellence of a messenger to relate nothing of his own. BEDE. Here we must remark, that the angel testifies, that he both stands before God, and is sent to bring good tidings to Zacharias. GREGORY. (Hom. xxxiv. in Evang.) For when angels come to us, they so outwardly fulfil their ministry, as at the same time inwardly to be never absent from His sight; since, though the angelic spirit is circumscribed, the highest Spirit, which is God, is not circumscribed. The angels therefore even when sent are before Him, because on whatever mission they go, they pass within Him. BEDE. But he gives him the sign which he asks for, that he who spoke in unbelief, might now by silence learn to believe; as it follows; and, behold, thou shall be dumb. CHRYSOSTOM. (sup.) That the bonds might be transferred from the powers of generation to the vocal organs. From no regard to the priesthood was he spared, but for this reason was the more smitten, because in a matter of faith he ought to have set an example to others. THEOPHYLACT. (cap. i.) Because the word in the Greek (κωφὸς) may also signify deaf, he well says, Because thou believest not, thou shalt be deaf, and shalt not be able to speak. For most reasonably he suffered these two things; as disobedient, he incurs the penalty of deafness; as an objector, of silence.