Remorse

Passages

Every passage tagged with this emotion in the Vela corpus. Search the body text, narrow by source or register, click through to a book’s profile to see how the passage sits with the rest of the work.

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• From From Shame to Sin: The Christian Transformation of Sexual Morality in Late Antiquity (2013)

  She readied herself on the bed, and he sat next to her. Staring into her face, he reproached her, “Why do you have such contempt for Jesus, that you come to this?… I see Satan toying on your face.” Stirred, she asked him, “Is there repentance?” She repented and left, immediately, without even arranging her affairs. The monk and the penitent trekked into the desert. When night fell, John made her a pillow of sand, marked with a cross. He camped some distance apart. In the middle of the night, under the clear desert sky, he awoke to see a luminous path, stretching from heaven down to Taïsia. He went to her lifeless body and pricked her foot, knowing she was dead. But he heard a voice affirm, “After one hour of repentance, she will be received before those who repent for great lengths of time without showing such fervor as did she.” 48 The salvation of Taïsia is the kernel of a literary type that was to triumph with irresistible force in the fifth century. Along with Chrysostom’s actress, Taïsia belongs to the earliest stratum of a new legend, and there is no reason to doubt the reality of her existence. Here is the chance to watch the birth of an archetype. The story of Taïsia, as we have it, already bears traces of artistic touch. Taïsia’s internal reflections about the monks and the pearls of the Red Sea are, surely, a contrivance. We sense but cannot grasp some distant connection with the famous actress of Antioch, whose legend was fermenting in the same hothouse of spiritual imagination, and whose stage name was none other than Margarito, pearl. But the story of Taïsia hits with the thud of simple reality. Her material desperation and loss of respectability had no literary parallel. Her story is very early and little stylized, and if we cannot disentangle the authentic core from the light embellishments of time and imagination, the story of Taïsia contains a stronger dose of authenticity than will soon be found in the highly artificial morality tales of penitent women. The tale of Taïsia’s repentance is handed down among the chain of traditions about the earliest generations of monks, principally from the site of Scetis. The Sayings of the Desert Fathers preserve a number of memories about the colorful ascetic John the Dwarf, who flourished in the last decades of the fourth century and the first decade of the fifth. Most of the stories and sayings focus on monastic pioneers from the mid-fourth to the early fifth century. In the earliest days these memories were transmitted orally, and characteristic traces of oral transmission remain in the collections. The story of Taïsia passed through only a few generations of oral transmission before its redaction in the Sayings, which seems to have taken shape as a text in the second half of the fifth century, probably in Palestine.

• From Paul and Palestinian Judaism (40th Anniversary Edition) (2017)

  162 Sifre Zu\a to 6.26 (p. 248), R. Jose b. Dosethai. A similar saying is attributed to R Akiba. 163 See the Mishnah tractate Kerithoth and Danby's notes. 164 Mek. Mishpatim 10 (285; III, 85f. [Nezikin IO); to 21.29, end). 165 Makkoth 3. I 5; Sifre Deut. 286 (304; to 25.3). Cf. the discussion between R. Ishmael and R. Akiba in Makkoth 13a~b. And scourgings, or 'stripes', arc said to atone for sins in Midrash Tannaim to Deut. 25.3 (p. 164): 'Beloved are stripes, for they atone for sins, as it is said, "in proportion to (kede, Dcut 25.2) his wickedness": they are sufficient (kedai) to atone for wickedness' (cited by Urbach, Ha::.al, p. J8J; ET, p. 4J.f). 180 Tannaitic Literature [I Thus for those in the covenant, repentance was the sovereign means of atonement. Except for the desire to insist on the efficacy of other means of atonement, which we have already noted, it is virtually impossible to find any exceptions to the rule that repentance atones. Urbach can cite only three examples: 166 Moses was not permitted to enter the land oflsrael despite his supplications, even though God accepted repentance from the people of Israel for their many transgressions (here, however, the question is not one of salvation). 167 Manasseh was excluded from a share in the world to come by the author of Sanhedrin 10.2, even though he repented. The third example is that of Elisha b. Abu ya, who despaired of repentance. On a Day of Atonement which fell on a Sabbath, he was riding his horse before the Temple, and he heard a voice coming forth from the Temple, saying, '"Return, 0 faithless children", except for Elisha b. Abuya, who knew my strength and rebelled against me.'168 As Urbach notes, this is the case of one who not only sinned but led others astray, and such are given no opportunity for repentance (Aboth 5.18). We should also note that Elisha b. Abuya is here taken as the classical case of one who 'cast off the yoke': he knowingly and wilfully persisted in transgression. Summary We are now in a position to see the overall pattern of Rabbinic religion as it applied to Israelites (proselytes and righteous Gentiles will be considered below). The pattern is this: God has chosen Israel and Israel has accepted the election. In his role as King, God gave Israel commandments which they are to obey as best they can. Obedience is rewarded and disobedience pun ished. In case of failure to obey, however, man has recourse to divinely ordained means of atonement, in all of which repentance is required. As long as he maintains his desire to stay in the covenant, he has a share in God's covenantal promises, including life in the world to come. The intention and effort to be obedient constitute the condition for remaining in the covenant, but they do not earn it.

• From Blue Like Jazz (2003)

  “So there is this group of us on campus who wanted to confess to you.” “You are confessing to me!” Jake said with a laugh. “Yeah. We are confessing to you. I mean, I am confessing to you.” “You’re serious.” His laugh turned to something of a straight face. I told him I was. He looked at me and told me I didn’t have to. I told him I did, and I felt very strongly in that moment that I was supposed to tell Jake that I was sorry about everything. I shook my head and looked at the ground. “Everything,” I told him. “There’s a lot. I will keep it short,” I started. “Jesus said to feed the poor and to heal the sick. I have never done very much about that. Jesus said to love those who persecute me. I tend to lash out, especially if I feel threatened, you know, if my ego gets threatened. Jesus did not mix His spirituality with politics. I grew up doing that. It got in the way of the central message of Christ. I know that was wrong, and I know that a lot of people will not listen to the words of Christ because people like me, who know Him, carry our own agendas into the conversation rather than just relaying the message Christ wanted to get across. There’s a lot more, you know.” “It’s all right, man,” Jake said, very tenderly. His eyes were starting to water. “Well,” I said, clearing my throat, “I am sorry for all of that.” “I forgive you,” Jake said. And he meant it.

• From Saint Thomas Aquinas Collection (22 Books) (2016)

  Further. The order of justice demands that punishment be awarded for sin. Now, the wisdom of God’s government appears in the maintenance of order among things. Therefore it belongs to the manifestation of God’s goodness and glory that punishment be the reward of sin. But the sinner by sinning acts against the divinely established order, for he transgresses the laws of God. Therefore it is right that he make compensation by punishing in himself that which had previously sinned: for thus he will be wholly freed of his disorder. It is clear then that after man has by grace obtained the forgiveness of sin, and been restored to the state of grace, he remains, by virtue of God’s justice, bound to suffer punishment for the sin he has committed. And if he, of his own accord, take this punishment on himself, he is said thereby to satisfy God: inasmuch as with labour and pain he follows the divinely established order by punishing himself for his sin, which same order by sinning he of his own accord had abandoned.—On the other hand if he fails to take this punishment on himself, since the things subject to divine providence cannot remain in disorder, this punishment will be inflicted on him by God. Nor will this punishment come under the name of satisfaction, since it will not be of the sufferer’s choice: but it will be described as purgatorial, because he will be purged, as it were, by another punishing him, and whatever was disorderly in him will be brought back to the right order.—Hence the Apostle says (1 Cor. 11:31, 32): If we would judge ourselves, we should not be judged. But whilst we are judged, we are chastised by the Lord; that we be not condemned with this world. We must observe, however, that when the mind turns away from sin, it is possible for its detestation of sin to be so strong, and for it to cling so closely to God, that there remains no obligation to punishment. For, as may be gathered from what has been said, the punishment that one suffers after sin has been forgiven, is necessary in order that the mind may adhere to good more firmly, through being chastised by punishment; for punishment is a kind of medicine; and again that the order of justice may be maintained by the sinner being punished. Now, the love of God suffices to strengthen man’s mind in good, especially if it be vehement; and when the intense detestation of past sin causes great sorrow. Consequently great love of God, and great hatred of past sin remove the need of punishment whether satisfactory or purgatorial: and even if the vehemence be not so great as to exclude all punishment, yet the greater the vehemence, the less punishment will be required.

• From Paul and Palestinian Judaism (40th Anniversary Edition) (2017)

  There was an opinion, however, that death would atone for all but the most serious sin even without repentance. This is seen in a comment in Sifre on Num. 15.3of.138 The biblical passage reads: 'But the person who sins wilfully ... is reviling the Lord .... Because it is the word of the Lord that he has despised, and his command that he has broken, that person must be completely cut off, his iniquity being on his own head.' The discussion, following a comment by R. Ishmael, takes the sin to which the biblical pas sage refers to be idolatry. R. Akiba and R. Ishmael agree that the idolater is 'cut off' both in this world and in the world to come (though their exegesis differs; cf. also Sanhedrin 64b; 9ob). But then on the phrase, 'on his own head', the commentator remarks: All who die atone by their death, but this one (the idolater) - 'his iniquity is on his own head' .... - [Is this the case] even if he repents? - [No, for] Scripture teaches, 'his iniquity is on his head', but not when he repents. The parallel in Sanhedrin 9ob is even more explicit: R. Akiba and R. Ishmael agree that 'he shall be cut off' does not apply if he repents; it applies only if his iniquity is 'on his head', but that is removed by repentance. The passage in Sifre is remarkable since it supposes that less serious sins than idolatry are atoned for by death even without repentance and also because it clearly shows that even the most grievous sin could be atoned for by death with repentance. 139 We have thus seen that, as a general rule, repentance accompanies the other means of atonement, so that it is actually not a fourth means but the attitude which is always necessary for God's forgiveness. 140 The only possible 135 Sifre Zuta to Num. 5.5f. (p. 230, near top). 136 Sifra Al;lare parasha 2.4 (to 16.6). 137 Sifra Bel;luqqotai pereq 8.3 (to 26.40). 138 Sifre Num. II2 (p. 121). 139 Urbach (lfazal, p. 383; ET, p. 435 n. 53) attributes the view that death atones without repentance to R. Judah and Rabbi. He refers to the discussion by Lieberman (Tosefla Ki-Fsku{ak, Mo'ed, p. 826) of a saying by R. Judah in T. Yorn Ha-Kippurim 4(5).9. 140 This is explicitly said in the version of R. Ishmael's four categories which appears in ARN 29, and also in p. Yoma 45b. There, when R. Mattiah b. l:leresh asks R. Eleazar ifhe has heard ofR. Ishmael's four categories of atonement, R. Eleazar replies, 'I have heard, but they are three, and along with each of these there must be repentance'. 7] Salvation by membership in the covenant and atonement 175

• From The Genius of Judy: How Judy Blume Rewrote Childhood for All of Us (2023)

  5 (May 1977).“Being Black, I always assumed that Deenie was white” : Telephone interview with Julia Loving, November 8, 2022.“There was a copy of Forever that was passed around in fifth grade” : LH to RB, October 25, 2022.Maynard went to the “pretty, mostly white, upper-middle-class community” : Joyce Maynard, “Coming of Age with Judy Blume,” New York Times , December 3, 1978.“I read that book so many times,” Silverberg said : CS to RB, October 26, 2022.“I was fourteen and I remember reading [ Forever]” : JZ to RB, May 31, 2022.Chapter Thirteen Rebellion“He had married this little girl, and he was happy that way” : Peter Gorner, “Tempo: The Giddy/Sad, Flighty/Solid Life of Judy Blume,” Chicago Tribune , March 15, 1985, p. D1. She was holding his hand when he lost consciousness : Lee, Judy Blume’s Story , pp. 58–59.Before Judy and John told them, Judy had consulted a family counselor : Judy Blume, Letters to Judy , pp. 90–91.“It was a nice marriage,” Blume later said : Lee, Judy Blume’s Story , p. 73.“I wasn’t terrible. I was responsible” : Weidt, Presenting Judy Blume , p. 16.John blamed Fear of Flying : V.C. Chickering, “A Judy Blume Interview from the Bust Archives,” Bust , February 12, 2015, originally published in the 1997 Spring/Summer issue. Accessed online: https://bust.com/tbt-a-very-special-judy-blume-exclusive-from-our-bust-vault/ .“What was marriage anyway?” : Erica Jong, Fear of Flying (Fort Worth, TX: Holt, Rinehart & Winston, 1973). I worked from the 2003 reprint from New American Library, p. 14.“Was I going to be just a housewife who wrote in her spare time?” : Ibid., p. 193.“Leaving Bennett was my first really independent action” : Ibid., p. 390.“I was afraid of being a woman,” she says : Ibid., p. 407.“Why should I be disturbed by the sado-masochistic aspects of that relationship” : Sue Kaufman, Diary of a Mad Housewife (New York: Bantam Books, 1967), p. 191.“Without a cent of my own, without a checking account” : Ibid., p. 272.in which she has to be the “submissive woman” : Ibid., p. 207.“Did Lisbeth think she was a mad housewife too?” : Judy Blume, Wifey , (New York: Berkley Books, 1978), p. 79.“Have you been reading that book again?” : Ibid., p. 188.“Just getting through the day was a real struggle for me” : Judy Blume, Letters to Judy , p. 92.“That’s what divorced women on TV always turn out to be—cocktail waitresses” : Judy Blume, It’s Not the End of the World (Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Bradbury Press, 1972), p. 101.“If I divorced him, I’d have to give up the house” : Judy Blume, Wifey , p. 201.“He entertained them lavishly” : Judy Blume, Letters to Judy , p. 94.Chapter Fourteen Mistakes“From the beginning, we fought” : Judy Blume, Letters to Judy , p. 99.“My son and daughter thought he was a kid” : John Neary, “The ‘Jacqueline Susann of Kids’ Books,’ Judy Blume, Grows Up with an Adult Novel,” People , October 16, 1978.

• From Boys & Sex (2020)

  Anwen wanted a letter of apology, but she didn’t need Sameer’s guilt. She didn’t need his shame. She didn’t need his acquiescence to her every request. She needed him to act, to think, to come up with his own ideas for making things right, or as right as they could be. Eventually, they developed a plan. Sameer would tell his story publicly: he wrote an article for a campus magazine (signing his real name); he cowrote a spoken-word piece with Anwen that they performed together at a Green Dot training, which, in part because of Sameer’s efforts, was now mandatory for every recruit to Greek life; he talked to me for this book. Sameer would also strive to educate other men about consent and assault. He met with officials from local high schools, hoping he could talk to boys to show them that someone who perpetrates assault could be an ordinary guy—to encourage them to make better choices; to keep them from having to learn, as he did, at the expense of someone else’s suffering. No one, though, was eager to have an admitted assailant address their students. I think that’s too bad, as Sameer is exactly the kind of guy that young men need to hear from—someone just like them, someone just like they could be, for better or worse. “Nights like the one with Anwen are so common,” Sameer said. “That’s how guys learn to operate in a lot of ways; our level of understanding of how to communicate and navigate sexual relationships is so infinitesimally small. They don’t have the frame of reference to understand what it means to be a good partner, a good lover. So a lot of us are guilty of doing things like this, and we need to start talking about it and owning up to it.” Sameer also started talking more directly to his male friends, challenging their hookup narratives. “They’d be like, ‘I hooked up with this girl! It was great!’ And I’d ask whether she enjoyed herself. Guys are taken aback by that response. I’d be like, ‘Did you ask her?’ And they’d either be silent or say that it would be too weird. But why is it weird? “I got into the habit, and I’ll say this to my guy friends, of doing a kind of—debrief, I guess, with my partner. Like, ‘Hey, what did you like? What didn’t you like? What might you like to try?’ Just the standard conversation that needs to happen or else people will just keep having bad sex and faking orgasms and lying to each other about what makes them happy sexually.”

• From Paul and Palestinian Judaism (40th Anniversary Edition) (2017)

  143 Moore, Judaism I, p. 117 144 Ibid., pp. I 16f., 266. 145 Ibid., pp. 266, 526. 146 Ibid., p. 495. Note also the anonymous passage in Ex. Rab. 31. 1: 'There is no creature that is not indebted to God, but being gracious and merciful He forgives (mo&ef) all former [transgressions].' The passage continues by saying that God forgives men sin after sin, even if they do not repent. 176 Tannaitic Literature [I perfect obedience to the law hardly arises in the Tannaitic literature. 147 To be sure, some Rabbis had a hard time thinking of what commandment they might have disobeyed, 148 but the fallibility of man was well known. Repentance was regarded as so efficacious that it outweighed even a lifetime of sin and disobedience, as we saw in R. Simeon b. Y ohai's statement in T. Kiddushin 1.15f.: even the wicked man who repents at the end of his life will be saved. 149 A similar view is represented by R. Meir: if two men suffer from the same disease and only one survives, it is because he repented. 150 It will immediately be seen how little this comports with the view that the majority of deeds over a man's entire life is what determines his eternal destiny. The view that repentance wipes out any number of sins is brought into connection with the view that God's justice requires him to deal with a man in strict accord with his sins in this passage from Sifre: 1 51 The sages say: God never reverses ('they never reverse') innocence into guilt nor guilt into innocence, but he gives the gift of the reward for [the fulfilment of] mitsvot and he punishes for transgressions. So why does Scripture teach, 'Let Reuben live, and not die'? Because Reuben made repentance. The point appears to be that a strict reckoning would have had Reuben die, but repentance created a new situation, one in which his disobedience no longer counted against him. It is perhaps noteworthy that the biblical accounts do not mention his repenting (presumably for incest; see Gen. 35.22 and 49.4); the Rabbis supposed that since Deut. 33.6 said that he should live and not die, he must have repented. This indicates how thoroughly repentance was the Rabbinic doctrine of salvation. 152 Repentance, like obedience, is best undertaken simply from love of God; but even repentance made from fear is better than none at all. The Rabbis do not praise it, but they do not deny its efficacy. 153 To the mind sensitized to the question by centuries of Lutheranism, even repentance may appear as a legalistic performance to earn God's mercy. The Rabbis can in fact state the matter in su~h a way as to make man's initiative in repenting the absolute condition of God's mercy. That is, it will 147 Buchler, Sin and Atonement, pp. 331ff. As R. Tarfon said, however, even though a man may not

• From Saint Thomas Aquinas Collection (22 Books) (2016)

  CHAPTER CLVIII HOW MAN IS FREED FROM SINWHEREAS man cannot return to one of two opposites unless he go away from the other; in order by the aid of grace to return to the state of righteousness, he must withdraw from sin whereby he had abandoned the path of rectitude. And since it is chiefly by his will that man is directed to his ultimate end and turned away from it, it is necessary that he not only withdraw from sin in his external actions, by ceasing to sin, but also that he withdraw by his will, in order to rise from sin by grace. Now man withdraws from sin by his will, in repenting of the past sin, and purposing to avoid it for the future. Therefore in order to rise from sin man must both repent of past sins and purpose to avoid future sins. For did he not propose to sin no more, sin would not, in itself, be contrary to his will. And if he were willing to sin no more without repenting of his past sin, the sin itself that he committed would not be contrary to his will.—Now, the movement of recession from a thing is contrary to the movement of approach, as whitening is contrary to blackening. Hence in withdrawing from sin the will must take the contrary road to that which led it into sin. Now, it was led into sin by the desire and pleasure of things beneath it. Therefore it needs to turn away from sin by certain punishments, whereby it suffers for having sinned: for even as the will was drawn by pleasure to consent to sin, so by punishment it is confirmed in the detestation of sin. Again. Fear of the whip deters even dumb animals from their greatest delights. Now the man who arises from sin must not only detest his past sin, but also avoid future sin. It is, therefore, right that he should be punished for his sin, that he may be the more strengthened in his purpose to avoid sin. Besides. The things we acquire with toil and pain are dearer to us, and we are more careful about keeping them: thus men who have enriched themselves by their own labours spend less than those who have received their riches from their parents or in any other way without labour. Now for the man who arises from sin it is most necessary that he be most careful to keep in the state of grace, which he carelessly lost by sinning. Therefore it is fitting that he suffer labour and pain for the sins he committed.

• From Paul and Palestinian Judaism (40th Anniversary Edition) (2017)

  128 In a certain sense it is true to say with Moore (Judaism I, pp. 474f.) that, according to the Rabbis, there is no death without sin. Thus Adam's sin was frequently thought of as the source of death, and R. Judah b. Ilai was apparently of the opinion that individuals who were sinless would not die (referring to Elijah; see Moore, ibid.). On the other han<l, the general opinion in the Tannaitic period was that death belongs to the natural order, but that sins would bring an unnatural or premature death (cf. Shabbath 55a-b). Some thought that good deeds would prolong one's days; see Yebamoth 49b-5oa. See further Urbach, Haza!, pp. 235-7 (ET, pp. 264-6); 'R. Akiba's View of Suffering' on the death of the righteous in the time of persecution. 129 Sifre Deur. 333 (383; to 32.43). 130 Yoma 8.8. For an exception, see immediately below. 131 Urbach, Haza!, p. 382 (ET, p. 433). 132 Below, n. 165. 133 Sanhedrin 6.2. T. Sanhedrin 9.5 prefaces the parallel passage with the specific statement that 'those who are put to death by the court have a share in the world to come, because they confess all their sins'. Epstein (Mebo'ot, p. 56) argues that Sanhedrin 6. 1-7.3 is basically pre-70 c.e. since the death penalty was not administered by Jewish law courts during the period beginning 'forty years before the destruction of the Temple'. (For this traditional date, see Sanhedrin 41a.) 134 The passage continues by raising the question of whether or not a condemned man who main tained that he had been convicted by false testimony should confess. The problem was troublesome; cf. Sifre Zuta to Num. 5.5f. (p. 230). 174 Tannaitic Literature [I The 'confession' required here is, of course, the external form of repentance. Thus the Rabbis could say that confession must be made for any trans gression. 135 The model confession given in Sifra anticipates that God will cover or atone for the sins confessed; thus, confession brings atonement. 136 The following passage makes an explicit connection between confession and repentance : 1 3 7 'But if they confess their iniquity and the iniquity of their fathers'. These words refer to repentance; for as soon as they confess their iniquities, I immediately turn and have compassion on them.

• From The Erotic Mind (1995)

  No matter how scrupulously we differentiate fantasies from actions, one thing we know for sure: the erotic mind refuses to be pigeonholed. Therefore, most of us will encounter situations in which we allow unacceptable fantasy desires to affect our behavior. A middle-aged woman who fantasizes seducing pubescent boys may be tempted to try it if such a boy takes an interest in her. Similarly, a doctor who is turned on by the vulnerable beauty of one of his patients might artificially extend a naked examination and convince himself that she’s enjoying it. No one achieves anything like perfect erotic health. Some obviously stumble badly, to the detriment of themselves and others. However, those who conscientiously confront their mistakes have a chance to use them as opportunities for growth. Make a point of recalling situations in which compelling fantasies pulled you toward actions you later regretted. Use these memories to help define the conditions under which fantasies and action can interact positively as opposed to those in which a clear separation is essential. NURTURING CHILDREN’S SEXUALITYI once thought it odd that Eros is depicted as a small child. I now believe Cupid’s youth symbolizes the fact that the seeds of adult eroticism are sown in childhood and adolescence. Not only is our capacity for joyous sensuality rooted in early experiences of positive touch, but our ability and willingness to give and receive affection is similarly linked with how we were held, caressed, and cared for as infants and small children. These are the foundations upon which our one-of-a-kind eroticism begins its extended development. Although we are exposed to dangers and hurts throughout our lives, the most serious damage is often inflicted, with or without conscious intention, upon the young. I’m not simply referring to the devastating effects of overt abuse or neglect but also to what happens when a child is consistently prevented from following his or her natural curiosity or taught that pleasurable sensations are to be feared rather than enjoyed. Like all living organisms, humans are equipped to survive even in harsh or barren environments. But those who will ultimately thrive require at least a small patch of emotionally fertile ground. Adults who are close to children—especially parents and other close relatives, teachers, the clergy, and counselors—are responsible for providing that fertile ground. Erotically healthy people who are involved with children take an interest in their sexual development, especially the promotion and nurturance of positive, self-affirming attitudes toward sex.

• From Born a Crime: Stories from a South African Childhood (2016)

  My mom thought everything was funny. There was no subject too dark or too painful for her to tackle with humor. “Look on the bright side,” she said, laughing and pointing to the half of me covered in dark berry juice. “Now you really are half black and half white.” “It’s not funny!” “Trevor, you’re okay,” she said. “Go and wash up. You’re not hurt. You’re hurt emotionally. But you’re not hurt.” Half an hour later, Abel showed up. At that point Abel was still my mom’s boyfriend. He wasn’t trying to be my father or even a stepfather, really. He was more like a big brother than anything. He’d joke around with me, have fun. I didn’t know him that well, but one thing I did know about him was that he had a temper. Very charming when he wanted to be, incredibly funny, but fuck he could be mean. He’d grown up in the homelands, where you had to fight to survive. Abel was big, too, around six-foot-three, long and lean. He hadn’t hit my mom yet. He hadn’t hit me yet, either. But I knew he was dangerous. I’d seen it. Someone would cut us off in traffic. Abel would yell out the window. The other guy would honk and yell back. In a flash Abel would be out of our car, over to theirs, grabbing the guy through the driver’s-side window, screaming in his face, raising a fist. You’d see the other guy panic. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” When Abel walked in that night, he sat down on the couch and saw that I’d been crying. “What happened?” he said. I started to explain. My mother cut me off. “Don’t tell him,” she said. She knew what would happen. She knew better than me. “Don’t tell me what?” Abel said. “It’s nothing,” she said. “It’s not nothing,” I said. She glared at me. “Don’t tell him.” Abel was getting frustrated. “What? Don’t tell me what?” He’d been drinking; he never came home from work sober, and the drinking always made his temper worse. It was strange, but in that moment I realized that if I said the right things I could get him to step in and do something. We were almost family, and I knew if I made him feel like his family had been insulted, he’d help me get back at the boys. I knew he had a demon inside him, and I hated that; it terrified me how violent and dangerous he was when he snapped. But in that moment I knew exactly what I had to say to get the monster on my side.

• From Paul and Palestinian Judaism (40th Anniversary Edition) (2017)

  exceptions to this statement are the views that, on the one hand, the Day of Atonement or, on the other, death atones without repentance for all but the most serious sins. As we noted, however, this point seems to have been made about the Day of Atonement in order to protect the prescribed cultic acts from appearing altogether irrelevant. The Day of Atonement itself implies repentance, as do the various sacrifices prescribed in the Bible. To say that the Day of Atonement is effective apart from repentance is only to say that repentance as a separate act apart from the repentance and confession which accompany the Day of Atonement is not necessary. The distinction is a fine one. Similarly, the passage which implies that death without repentance atones for all sins but idolatry seems designed primarily to emphasize that even idolatry can be atoned for if one repents. It cannot be taken as an attempt to limit the role of repentance; it emphasizes it. No one has better realized the meaning and significance of repentance for Judaism than Moore, and it is superfluous to try to add to what he has written. 141 There are, however, certain characteristics of repentance which it will be useful to our study to bring out. We should also give a general description of the significance of repentance in Rabbinic eyes. Although it is quite accurate to use the English word repentance for the Hebrew word teshubah, we should note that the etymologies are different. Whereas repentance seems to refer to a mental act ('rethinking'), the Hebrew verb shub means literally 'turn' or 'return'. 142 In actual use, however, the two words are employed in the same way. English usage of the word 'repent ance', of course, is greatly influenced by the biblical injunctions to turn back to God. As Moore defines repentance in Judaism, it appears no different from what would be understood by the English word: To the Jewish definition of repentance belong the reparation of injuries done to a fellow man in his person, property, or good name, the confession of sin, prayer for forgiveness, and the genuine resolve and endeavour not to fall into sin again. 143 Repentance and God's forgiveness, as Moore points out repeatedly, are the necessary means of salvation in a religion which emphasized obedience. 144 Thus repentance may homiletically be said to be one of the things created before the world; it was created second, just after the law itself. 145 Repent ance belongs to the religious behaviour of the righteous man; it was not considered that a man would have nothing to repent for. 146 The question of 141 See Moore's index, s.v. Repentance. 142 On the meaning of teshubah, see Moore, Judaism I, p. 507; cf. Petuchowski, 'The Concept of "Teshuvah" ',Judaism 17, 1968, pp. 180£.

• From The Erotic Mind (1995)

  WHAT BECOMES OF TROUBLESOME TURN-ONS?Almost as challenging as expanding one’s identity is figuring out what to do with old sexual scripts as new ones take hold. In a logical world, problematic scenarios would quickly lose their appeal in the face of more fulfilling ones. In actual practice, most men and women who successfully create more gratifying turn-ons make a similar discovery about their erotic repertoires as they do about their identities: it’s much easier to cultivate new sources of arousal than to cast aside old ones. This is the primary reason that I suggested in Step 1 to focus your goals on what you want rather than what you don’t want. Although it may go against common sense, integrating erotic changes normally doesn’t involve obliterating problematic turn-ons altogether but rather finding a harmless place for them in an expanding, multidimensional self. Is such a feat realistic, particularly for those whose CETs have compelled them to reenact self-defeating scenarios? I’m convinced that it is. Needless to say, the ability to integrate once-destructive turn-ons into a self-affirming identity rarely develops easily. But unquestionably it does happen. Ryan, the “prisoner of prohibition” who had spent most of his life struggling with his fascination with sleazy women, is a good example. With determination and courage he learned to enjoy warm, affectionate sex with his girlfriend, Janet. He even mourned the loss of the heart-pounding excitation his old activities once produced. Yet raunchy images continued to run through his fantasies no matter how much he tried to control them. For a time he couldn’t resist declaring himself a failure. It was obvious he had truly reached his goals only when he learned to accept—and enjoy—these fantasies, without reactivating the inner battle that had made him miserable for so long, and without sinking into shame or self-reproach. Eventually, he even went so far as to use old naughty feelings, accompanied by a wisp of guilt, as harmless aphrodisiacs. Ryan’s battle didn’t end with the vanquishing of his old turn-ons as he once assumed it would. Instead his ultimate success stemmed from a transformation in how he used them. Most people I’ve known who have successfully resolved troublesome turn-ons have been similar to Ryan. They gradually discovered that it wasn’t their sexual scripts per se that had hurt them. The real problem was how they had learned to use their CETs against themselves. Once they stopped doing that—the most far-reaching change of all—they went on to develop more relaxed attitudes toward erotic material that was once deadly serious. By building an identity founded on self-respect, they used their imaginations to enjoy scenarios similar to those that once tormented them but without taking any of their detrimental aspects to heart. PUTTING THE SEVEN STEPS TO WORKErotic transitions are as multifaceted as eroticism itself—full of detours and surprises. Try not to think of these steps as instructions to be followed like a recipe. To receive maximum benefit, approach them with a spirit of flexibility and creativity.

• From Controversies of the Early Christian History (2013)

  52 Lecture 8: What Secrets Did Judas Betray?  The other three gospels don’t mention anything about Judas’s death, but there is a second reference to his death in the New Testament in the book of Acts, written by the same author as the Gospel of Luke. o Acts 1 takes place after Jesus’s resurrection and ascension to heaven. The disciples come together and decide that they need to elect a 12 th member because now that Judas has died, there are only 11 disciples. o Peter gives a speech on the need to hold the election, and in the context of that speech, he narrates how Judas came to his death (Acts 1:18–19): “This man acquired a fi eld with the reward of his wickedness, and falling headlong, he burst open in the middle and all his bowels gushed out. This became known to all the residents of Jerusalem, and that fi eld was called in their language Akeldama, that is, Field of Blood.”  A horizontal reading of the accounts in Matthew and Acts reveals stark differences in the events of Judas’s death. o In Matthew, Judas dies by hanging himself. In Acts, he dies by “falling headlong,” perhaps falling off a cliff. o In both accounts, Judas’s death is related to the Field of Blood, but the ownership of the fi eld and the source of the name differ signifi cantly.  The two accounts, even though they’re at odds on major points, also agree on several things. There was a fi eld in or outside of Jerusalem that had red clay (which would have been used by potters). It’s likely that the fi eld originally got its name from the color of the clay, which looked similar to blood. Somehow this fi eld was associated with the death of Judas Iscariot, by hanging, by diving off a cliff, or by some other means. Stories outside the New Testament  Among the most interesting stories we have about Judas’s death from outside the New Testament is one in the writings of the 2 nd- century church father Papias. He wrote around the year 130 C.E.,

• From Combating Cult Mind Control: The Guide to Protection, Rescue and Recovery from Destructive Cults (1988)

  When I first left the cult, I felt frustrated whenever I tried to read non-cult literature. At first, getting through a single paragraph was nearly impossible. I would continually space out, or have to stop to look up words that I once knew but now couldn’t remember. I had to read and re-read material before I was able to force the creaky gears of my mind into operation. I also needed to buy a 400,000-word dictionary to relearn the meanings of words I had once known. I needed to look at old photographs, read old college papers, and be reminded of people I knew and things I had done prior to being in the group. Fortunately, the mind is like a muscle. Although it tends to atrophy from disuse, with effort it can be built up again. It took me nearly a full year to get back to my pre-cult level of functioning. It took a lot of will and many hours of effort. But I did it. When I first was deprogrammed, I knew I wanted to go back to college but knew I needed time to strengthen my mind before I could function again. It took me a full year to regain my ability to concentrate and read normally. Nightmares, Guilt, Grief, And Remorse Nightmares are a good indicator that a former cult member needs to receive additional counseling in order to work through their cult experience. These unpleasant dreams come from the unconscious mind, which is still wrestling with the issues of cult involvement. Nightmares indicate unresolved conflicts within the mind. Common nightmares for people who have lived with mind control include being trapped, feeling that people are coming after them, and being in the midst of a storm or a war. Ex-cult members also frequently report having upsetting dreams in which people inside in the group try to get them to leave, while friends and family outside the cult pressure them to rejoin. Another key issue for some former members is guilt about things they did in the group. Some people were involved in illegal acts, such as fraud, theft, breaking and entering, harassment of critics, arson, sex trafficking, and the use and sale of drugs. I have met people who went AWOL from the armed services because a destructive cult group recruited them, and had great trouble when they tried to clear themselves later. Fortunately, the vast majority of ex-cult members have not been involved in such things. However, even if they were not coerced to break the law, most have to cope with how they treated their family and friends during their cult membership. For example, some people had parents who became ill, but cult leaders prohibited them from visiting the hospital. In some cases, a parent died, and the cult member was not allowed to go to the funeral, even though it might have taken place only 20 miles away.