Relief

Passages

Every passage tagged with this emotion in the Vela corpus. Search the body text, narrow by source or register, click through to a book’s profile to see how the passage sits with the rest of the work.

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• From The Principles of Psychology (Volume 1 of 2) (1890)

  Turning now to the form of the decision itself, we may distinguish four chief types. The first may be called the reasonable type. It is that of those cases in which the arguments for and against a given course seem gradually and almost insensibly to settle themselves in the mind and to end by leaving a clear balance in favor of one alternative, which alternative we then adopt without effort or constraint. Until this rational balancing of the books is consummated we have a calm feeling that the evidence is not yet all in, and this keeps action in suspense. But some day we wake with the sense that we see the thing rightly, that no new light will be thrown on the subject by farther delay, and that the matter had better be settled now. In this easy transition from doubt to assurance we seem to ourselves almost passive; the 'reasons which decide us appearing to flow in from the nature of things, and to owe nothing to our will. We have, however, a perfect sense of being free, in that we are devoid of any feeling of coercion. The conclusive reason for the decision in these cases usually is the discovery that we can refer the case to a class upon which we are accustomed to act unhesitatingly in a certain stereotyped way. It may be said in general that a great part of every deliberation consists in the turning over of all the possible modes of conceiving the doing or not doing of the act in point. The moment we hit upon a conception which lets us apply some principle of action which is a fixed and stable part of our Ego, our state of doubt is at an end. Persons of authority, who have to make many decisions in the day, carry with them a set of heads of classification, each bearing its motor consequence, and under these they seek as far as possible to range each new emergency as it occurs. It is where the emergency belongs to a species without precedent, to which consequently no cut-and-dried maxim will apply, that we feel most at a loss, and are distressed at the indeterminateness of our task. As soon, however, as we see our way to a familiar classification, we are at ease again. In action as in reasoning, then, the great thing is the quest of the right conception. The concrete dilemmas do not come to us with labels gummed upon their backs. We may name them by many names. The wise man is he who succeeds in finding the name which suits the needs of the particular occasion best. A 'reasonable' character is one who has a store of stable and worthy ends, and who does not decide about an action till he has calmly ascertained whether it be ministerial or detrimental to any one of these.

• From The Principles of Psychology (Volume 1 of 2) (1890)

  D. was there; then that the subject talked about was so and so; finally, that the thought came à propos of a certain anecdote, and then that it had something to do with a French quotation. Now all these added associations arise independently of the will , by the spontaneous process we know so well. All that the will does is to emphasize and linger over those which seem pertinent, and ignore the rest . Through this hovering of the attention in the neighborhood of the desired object, the accumulation of associates becomes so great that the combined tensions of their neural processes break through the bar, and the nervous wave pours into the tract which has so long been awaiting its advent. And as the expectant, sub-conscious itching there, bursts into the fulness of vivid feeling, the mind finds an inexpressible relief. [image file=Image00052.jpg] The whole process can be rudely symbolized in a diagram. Call the forgotten thing Z, the first facts with which we felt it was related, a, b , and c , and the details finally operative in calling it up, l , m , and n . Each circle will then stand for the brain-process underlying the thought of the object denoted by the letter contained within it. The activity in Z will at first be a mere tension; but as the activities in a , b , and c little by little irradiate into l , m , and n , and as all these processes are somehow connected with Z, their combined irradiations upon Z, represented by the centripetal arrows, succeed in helping the tension there to overcome the resistance, and in rousing Z also to full activity. The tension present from the first in Z, even though it keep below the threshold of discharge, is probably to some degree co-operative with a, b, c in determining that l, m, n shall awake. Without Z's tension there might be a slower accumulation of objects connected with it. But, as aforesaid, the objects come before us through the brain's own laws, and the Ego of the thinker can only remain on hand, as it were, to recognize their relative values and brood over some of them, whilst others are let drop. As when we have lost a material object we cannot recover it by a direct effort, but only through moving about such neighborhoods wherein it is likely to lie, and trusting that it will then strike our eye; so here, by not letting our attention leave the neighborhood of what we seek, we trust that it will end by speaking to us of its own accord.[483] Turn now to the case of finding the unknown means to a distinctly conceived end .

• From Christianity: The First Three Thousand Years, Part 4 (300 – 1300, Rome) (2009)

  then became a prime bargaining counter in diplomacy when the new Sassanian Queen Boran, recognizing reality in the wake of Heraclius’s successful counterattacks, sought a peace settlement with Byzantium. The Sassanian peace delegation which returned the True Cross was led by Patriarch Ishoyahb, and in 630 he had a satisfaction unprecedented in the history of the Dyophysites when he celebrated the Eucharist according to the rites of his Church in the city of Berrhoea (now Aleppo) in the presence of the Byzantine Emperor and of Chalcedonian bishops. The treaty was a triumph for Heraclius too, for it enabled him to parade his relic back in what remained of Byzantine Jerusalem after its comprehensive trashing by the Sassanian armies.52 This climax of peace between the two traditional enemy great powers in fact proved a sad irrelevance to the future. Kavad II’s murder of his father, Khusrau II, swiftly followed by his own death, had poisonously destabilized Sassanian Court politics, leading to a procession of shortlived rulers struggling to maintain their position, while the constant frontier warfare with the Byzantines devastated the Middle East and weakened both imperial armies. Moreover, the clash of the two empires brought destruction to lesser Christian military powers, principally the Miaphysite Ghassānids, who for more than a century had kept the Byzantines in touch with events in Arabia and had brought security to the region. The Ghassānids could have alerted the Byzantines to the early formation of a new military power which had appeared quite unexpectedly from the south: the armies of Islam. The arrival of the Muslims proved terminal for the Sassanians. Within a decade in the 640s, the three-centuries-old empire was in ruins. Yazdgerd III, last ruling Sassanian shah, defeated and murdered, was buried not with Zoroastrian rites but by a bishop of the Church of the East; his son and heir fled all the way to China. There he was treated with respect, and one of his acts was to found the second monastery for Dyophysite Christianity to be sited in the capital, Chang’an.53 Yet this royal favour had all come all too late for the Church of the East. Now Christianity everywhere faced the consequences of the new prophecy from Arabia – consequences which are still unravelling in our own time.

• From The Whole Lesbian Sex Book: A Passionate Guide for All of Us (2004)

  For many women, the open communication required in scene negotiation is a relief from the unspoken demands and contracts that can creep into many relationships (“If I do X for you, you’ll do Y for me”). As one woman wrote, “I prefer to have my power exchange up front and out on the table.” So how do you negotiate a scene? Scene negotiation is best conducted between equals (that is, not in top/bottom roles) and outside of a sexual context. Everyone has a favorite method. You can pull out your Erotic Play list from chapter 2, Desire and Fantasy, and mark each item “yes,” “no,” or “maybe.” Your choices can be good for a day, for a month, or for one particular scene with one particular partner. You can begin by asking yourself (and your partner) a few basic questions: What type of scene are you interested in? Do you fantasize elaborate role play with costumes and props—Mutiny on the Bounty? Or perhaps genteel torture in a Victorian boarding-school scene? Would you like to be tied to a whipping post and flogged in front of six of your friends? What are your essential ingredients for a hot scene? Is bondage essential? An exquisite collection of S/M toys? What about orgasm? A woman who plays as a submissive bottom wrote, “I want to be fully recognized. I want to give myself up to someone else for the pure pleasure of having her be completely attentive to and conscious of me.” What are your limits? Will you take a paddle? A cane? What about blood play? Is it OK to leave bruises? “I get off on seeing the marks I’ve left,” wrote one woman. “I’m impressed by the body’s reactions, the redness, swelling, and bruising. I like to admire my work the next day.” What are the things you might like to try? “I fantasize about sensory deprivation, being blindfolded, gagged, and having my hands immobilized in thick rubber mitts,” wrote another. Would you like to try play piercing? Over-the-knee spanking? Behaving like a brat? What are the things you don’t want to try? No breaking the skin? No humiliation play? No resistance? No anal penetration? What’s your safeword? (Remember: Tops need safewords, too.) (See chapter 7, Communication and Finding Sex Partners, for more on communication skills.) Creating the S/M Scene: Ritual and TheaterMuch like a theatrical performance, an S/M scene has characters, a setting, and a beginning, middle, and end. (If you like, you can think of an S/M scene as having much the same framework as a classic three-act play.) And, like a ritual or spiritual practice, an S/M scene may evoke meaning that’s larger than the moment. Shining your Master’s boots in the context of a dominance/submission scene will have a far greater meaning than polishing your wingtips alone at home. What kind of scene do you wish to create? Will your scene involve pain and sensation play? Role play and costumes? Service? Resistance? Submission?

• From The Ultimate Guide to Orgasm for Women: How to Become Orgasmic for a Lifetime (2011)

  I cannot stress too strongly how deeply healing it has been for me just to talk about sex. Speaking openly and honestly about my desires and listening to other women speak openly and honestly about theirs has released me from the veil of shame that shrouded the subject of sex when I was growing up. It has also been, and continues to be, incredibly informative. The learning process is ongoing. Our bodies are capable of the most extraordinary things, particularly when they are in a state of sexual arousal. And what limits our sexuality are the concepts we cling to of what we think is meant to happen. When you truly let your sexual energy flow freely throughout your entire being, you’ll feel as though you’re making love every moment of every day with everything and everyone—even during a root canal. —DR. ANNIE SPRINKLE Sex is like life. Our concepts of what sex is are shaped by our expectations; our expectations are shaped by our culture, and our culture is shaped by, and shapes, our language. The language we have available to us to talk about sex is minimal. Indeed, if it were anywhere close to adequate, we would have at least twenty different words to describe different kinds of orgasm. So here are definitions of a few terms you will read throughout the book. I often use the words giver and receiver. The receiver is the one who is having something done to her, and might appear to be the more passive partner; the giver is the one who is doing, and might appear to be the more active partner. (Obviously there are times when this division is meaningless.) The other term I frequently use is sexual play. It is vital that we view sex as a playful exchange, so that the games we engage in and the roles we adopt are openly acknowledged and discussed between willing participants. I do not use the term foreplay, since it denotes a goal, a beginning and an end, and I’ve never related to it. While there are (possibly) beginnings and ends to specific acts during particular sexual encounters, sexual undercurrents are going on all the time, between all kinds of people. Whether or not we choose to bring these undercurrents to the surface, and act on them, should always be the result of consensual agreement between adults. Traditional sexual interchanges all too often involve one person initiating an act that the other person feels ambivalent about, due to her past experience, or the likelihood that she won’t get her needs met, or both. Consensuality and negotiation are extremely important concepts that are sadly lacking in this kind of exchange. Good sex must always be fully consensual, which means that both partners consciously agree to it, rather than doing things a certain way by default.

• From The Sacred Canopy: Elements of a Sociological Theory of Religion (1967)

  A different way of saying this is to say that bad faith is that form of false consciousness in which the dialectic between the socialized self and the self in its totality is lost to consciousness (24). As we have seen before, alienation and false consciousness always entail a severance, in consciousness, of the dialectical relationship between man and his products, that is, a denial of the fundamental socio-cultural dialectic. This dialectic, however, is internalized in socialization. Just as man confronts his world externally, he confronts its internalized presence within his own consciousness. Both confrontations are dialectical in character. False consciousness, in consequence, may refer to both the external and the internalized relationship of man to his world. Insofar as socialized identity is part of that world, it is possible for man to apprehend it in the same alienated mode, that is, in false consciousness. Whereas in fact there is a dialectic between socialized identity and the total self, false consciousness fully identifies the latter with the former. The duplication of consciousness brought about by socialization, and the concomitant internalization of the socio-cultural dialectic, is thus denied. A false unity of consciousness is posited instead, with the individual identifying himself totally with the internalized roles and the socially assigned identity constituted by them. For example, any relevant expressions of self not channeled in the role of faithful husband are denied. Put differently, the internal conversation between husband and (potential) adulterer is interrupted. The individual sees himself as nothing but a husband in those areas of his life to which this role pertains. He has become a husband tout court, the husband of the institutional dramatis personae. Social type and subjective identity have merged in his consciousness. Inasmuch as such typification is alienating, identity has itself become alienated. And inasmuch as such merging is in fact, anthropologically, impossible, it constitutes a fabrication of false consciousness. The individual acting on this presupposition is acting in bad faith. It is once more very important not to confuse this phenomenon of subjective alienation with anomy. On the contrary, such alienation can be a most effective barrier against anomy. Once the false unity of the self is established, and as long as it remains plausible, it is likely to be a source of inner strength. Ambivalences are removed. Contingencies become certainties. There is no more hesitation between alternative possibilities of conduct. The individual “knows who he is”—a psychologically most satisfactory condition. Bad faith in no way presupposes some sort of inner turmoil or “bad conscience.” On the contrary, the individual who seeks to divest himself of the bad faith institutionalized in his situation in society is likely to suffer psychologically and in his “conscience,” quite apart from the external difficulties he will probably encounter as a result of such “unprogrammed” ventures.

• From History of the Christian Church: The Complete Set of Eight Volumes (1858)

  Within two years after the banishment of the Reformers, the four syndics who had decreed it came to grief. Jean Philippe, the captain-general of the city and most influential leader of the Artichauds, but a man of violent passions, was beheaded for homicide, and as a mover of sedition, June 10, 1540. Two others, Chapeaurouge and Lullin, were condemned to death as forgers and rebels; the fourth, Richardet, died in consequence of an injury which he received in the attempt to escape justice. Such a series of misfortunes was considered a nemesis of Providence, and gave the death-blow to the anti-reform party. 2. The party of the Roman Catholics raised its head after the expulsion of the Reformers, and received for a short time great encouragement from the banished bishop Pierre de la Baume, whom Paul III. had made a cardinal, and from the Letter of Cardinal Sadolet. A number of priests and monks returned from France and Savoy, but the Answer of Calvin destroyed all the hopes and prospects of the Romanists, and the government showed them no favor. 3. The third party was friendly to the Reformers. It reaped all the benefit of the blunders and misfortunes of the other two parties, and turned them to the best account. Its members were called by their opponents Guillermains, after Master Guillaume (Farel). They were led by Perrin, Porral, Pertemps, and Sept. They were united, most active, and had a definite end in view—the restoration of the Reformation. They kept up a correspondence with the banished Reformers, especially with Farel in Neuchâtel, who counselled and encouraged them. They were suspected of French sympathies and want of patriotism, but retorted by charging the government with subserviency to Bern. They were inclined to extreme measures. Calvin exhorted them to be patient, moderate, and forgiving. As the Artichauds declined, the Guillermains increased in power over the people. The vacant posts of the late syndics were filled from their ranks. The new magistrates assumed a bold tone of independence towards Bern, and insisted on the old franchises of Geneva. It is curious that they were encouraged by a letter of the Emperor Charles V., who thus unwittingly aided the cause of Calvin.606 The way was now prepared for the recall of Calvin. The best people of Geneva looked to him as the saviour of their city. His name meant order, peace, reform in Church and State. Even the Artichauds, overpowered by public opinion, proposed in a general assembly of citizens, June 17, 1540, the resolution to restore the former status, and spoke loudly against popery. Two of the new preachers, Marcourt and Morland, resigned Aug. 10, and returned to Bern. The other two, Henri de la Mare and Jacques Bernard, humbly besought the favor of Calvin, and begged him to return. A remarkable tribute from his rivals and enemies.607 § 94. Calvin’s Recall to Geneva. Literature in § 93, especially the Correspondence and Registers.

• From History of the Christian Church: The Complete Set of Eight Volumes (1858)

  "Wonderfully and incredibly have I been refreshed, not by empty rumors alone, but especially by numerous messengers who have informed me how you, with a heart so broken and lacerated, have attended to all your duties even better than hitherto, ... and that, above all, at a time when grief was so fresh, and on that account all the more severe, might have prostrated your mind. Go on then as you have begun, ... and I pray God most earnestly, that you may be enabled to do so, and that you may receive daily greater comfort and be strengthened more and more." Calvin’s character shines in the same favorable light at the loss of his only son who died in infancy (1542). He thanked Viret and his wife (he always sends greetings to Viret’s wife and daughter) for their tender sympathy with him in this bereavement, stating that Idelette would write herself also but for her grief. "The Lord," he says, "has dealt us a severe blow in taking from us our infant son; but it is our Father who knows what is best for his children."598 He found compensation for his want of offspring in the multitude of his spiritual children. "God has given me a little son, and taken him away; but I have myriads of children in the whole Christian world."599 Of Calvin’s deep sympathy with his friends in domestic affliction we have a most striking testimony in a private letter which was never intended for publication. It is the best proof of his extraordinary fidelity as a pastor. While he was in attendance at Ratisbon, the pestilence carried away, among other friends, Louis de Richebourg, who together with his older brother, Charles, lived in his house at Strassburg as a student and pensionnaire, under the tutorship of Claude Féray, Calvin’s dearly beloved assistant. On hearing the sad intelligence, early in April, 1541, he wrote to his father—a gentleman from Normandy, probably the lord of the village de Richebourg between Rouen and Beauvais, but otherwise unknown to us—a long letter of condolence and comfort, from which we give the following extracts:600 — "Ratisbon (Month of April), 1541.

• From The Whole Lesbian Sex Book: A Passionate Guide for All of Us (2004)

  You don’t have to wait for an invitation from Dr. Dodson to brush up on your sexual skills. You can sign up for a hands-on sex workshop at the nearest woman-owned sex toy store. Even if you don’t have access to a sexuality workshop, class, or sex coach, you can rent an instructional video or DVD, like Fanny Fatale’s How to Female Ejaculate, in which a circle of women masturbate to ejaculation and orgasm, or Betty Dodson’s Celebrating Orgasm, which offers a glimpse of Dodson’s famous hands-on coaching techniques. (One sex toy saleswoman calls this genre the “Jack La Lanne of lesbian porn”—because you can follow along with the exercises at home.) Time Out! Do you ever feel like your insides have shattered into a million pieces? Or that if you have to endure one more breakup you swear you’ll give up girls forever? Time to take a break, sister. Lots of people choose periods of celibacy, which is as legitimate a sexual choice as any other. For some, celibacy means not being sexual with others. For others, celibacy may also mean not being sexual with oneself. Both are fine options. For some, taking a break from partner sex is a spiritual tool, a way to achieve a heightened awareness of one’s own energies and place in the universe. For others, it’s a strategy for coping with difficult life changes—a breakup, newly won sobriety, the death of a close friend, or the turbulence of recovery from sexual abuse. But what if it’s your partner who has taken time out from sex—though you’re still interested in pursuing your desires? This can be very challenging—especially if you’ve made a commitment to be sexually monogamous with your partner. While you may not have chosen the circumstances, you might be facing a prime opportunity to learn more about your own sexuality: just you and your imagination, a loving dance for one. When you take a break from exchanging sexual energy with others, all that energy is left for you. A break from partner sex can really move you forward and help you focus—you can finish that last semester of grad school or figure out what you want to do with your life. Without the distractions of another person, you get to feel all of you. As Staci Haines writes in The Survivor’s Guide to Sex, “Intimacy with yourself means accompanying yourself through all of your feelings, sensations, thoughts, wackiness, and imperfections.”4 Prepare to feel, really feel, who you are from the inside, perhaps for the first time. Most important, a period of celibacy is a choice. I’m not talking about those times when there’s no one out there you’d want to hook up with; I’m talking about taking a break by choice. Nothing like choosing not to have sex to remind you that all sexual expression is about choice.

• From The Whole Lesbian Sex Book: A Passionate Guide for All of Us (2004)

  You may be anorgasmic (not having orgasms) for physiological reasons. These include a range of health conditions—and the medications used to treat them. Depression and antidepressants are notorious for wreaking havoc on one’s ability to come. Even the hormonal changes of pregnancy and menopause can affect orgasm. (See chapter 3, Anatomy and Sexual Response.) You may wonder if you’ll ever get your sexual response back. Most likely you will regain your capacity for pleasure and orgasm. In the meantime, take the advice given to the woman who has never had an orgasm. Go back to the beginning. Grab your lube, your favorite vibrator, unplug the phone, prop your beautiful self up on some pillows, and pretend you are masturbating for your very first time. Does Viagra Work for Women?In short, yes—for some women and one specific sexual function: physiological arousal. Drugs like Viagra, Levitra, and Cialis will not make you think sexy thoughts. You can take Viagra before the Big Date, but it won’t restore the ongoing flow of erotic energy in your life. Many women have tried Viagra and other drugs with much success. While Viagra (sildenafil) was developed to help men overcome erectile dysfunction, it’s increasingly being taken by women. Viagra works by increasing vasoactivity—that’s blood flow. Blood flow leads to engorged tissues, which leads to clitoral erection, and voilà: physical arousal. I was so hot. I didn’t realize I was that turned on, and then suddenly, my cunt was so open my partner fit her whole hand inside me right away. Then she put a huge butt plug up my ass. And this was without much in the way of a warm-up. I hadn’t had a real orgasm in months (I’m on Effexor), but I found myself coming and coming and I couldn’t stop. This is pure physiology in action. Should you try Viagra? Naturally there is a raging debate on this one, with medical researchers, sex educators, women’s health activists, and pharmaceutical companies all taking positions on whether or not female sexuality can (or should) be aided by the little blue pill. Viagra will not revolutionize your orgasms. It may offer you pleasure—and that, in itself, is worth a lot, especially to a woman who may not have been experiencing much between the sheets lately. Make sure to consult with a health-care provider—one who’s actually seen you (not just processed your Internet order)—to find out if such medications are safe for you. How Do You Come?I continue to have better orgasms as I get older. In my 20s, I rarely had a vaginal orgasm, and my clitoral orgasms were fine, but not as yummy as now. How do you reach orgasm? Women come from all sorts of stimulation. Most women require clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm—from vibrators, fingers, tongues, or surfaces to rub up against.

• From The Great Believers (2018)

  “Now, official disclaimer, this means there are no antibodies now . You said the last time you were intimate with your partner—” “Ex-partner. December. So I’m really not clear till March, right? Can I come back in March?” “Sure. I’d normally say three months, but we can do March. And I’m going to caution you to use protection in every situation until then, even with an uninfected, monogamous partner. But —the odds of the antibodies showing up that late are slim. If I were you, I’d rest easy. Celebrate, okay? Responsibly.” “And you’re sure ? I mean, your coding system, and everything.” “I’m sure. Listen, I think it would still be a good idea to come in for counseling. I know I dealt with a lot of guilt myself when I tested negative.” “I’ll think about it.” How did he feel? He kept his hand on the receiver after he hung up, as if the phone could feed him the proper emotion. There was elation, certainly—and a sober sense of having dodged, once again, a bullet that was still flying straight at his friends—but in what proportion? Mostly he felt sheer adrenaline. Two students came into the lobby with violin cases. Yale bummed a second quarter from one and called Fiona. She wasn’t home but she had an answering machine. He said, “Just calling because I’m in such a negative mood. Feeling really, really negative over here.” She would hear his grin. “Just awash in negativity. Thought you’d want to know.” —Back in the office, Roman was leaning with his whole upper body on a three-hole punch. Yale said, “Let’s turn some music on.” His New Order cassette was still in the tape deck. He sat at his desk, beating time with his ballpoint pen. Roman stared with what seemed like genuine alarm, but then when the chorus began he joined in, hitting his table like a bongo drum. When the chorus came back a third time, they both sang along. —Yale stayed late at the office so he wouldn’t have to spend time around Julian. He couldn’t bear it, couldn’t stand to look him in the eyes knowing Julian was sick and he was healthy. He’d done it before—hadn’t he been fine with Nico, with Terrence? But this was different. When he got off the El that night, instead of going back to the apartment he went down Hubbard Street where there were a couple of gay bars and an unmarked bathhouse. He had no plans to enter the bathhouse and wasn’t sure about the bars either—it was just nice to walk there. To know there were other groups of friends in other parts of the city having their own crises and affairs and redemptions. To be outside, feeling healthy. He stood across the street from Oasis and watched people coming and going. How lovely not to recognize anyone. How lovely not to know which of these men were dying.

• From The Sexual Life of Catherine M. (2001)

  TaboosI have rarely worried about being caught fucking in flagrante. In the above pages, I have referred several times to the awareness of risk there is if you undertake a sexual occupation in a place not intended for that purpose, because this awareness also contributes to the pleasure. Even so, the risk is almost always calculated, limited by implicit conventions: someone used to the Bois could draw a map of the places that are out of bounds but where the act is nevertheless possible and those where it would definitively be impossible, and I have hardly ever made use of offices except outside working hours… In a rather prosaic way the conviction that sexuality, in whatever form it may take, is the most widely shared thing in the world reassures me that nothing unpleasant will happen. An involuntary witness to a sexual act (if he is not driven to join in) would still be sufficiently confused by his own impulses to show no reaction, to maintain a discreet reserve. Jacques who with a smile, worries about what would have happened if the young back packer who has just greeted us had passed us two minutes earlier – when, that is, we had our trouser belts round our ankles, and our bucking bodies rustled the leaves by the side of the path, making exactly the same noise as some little animal running for cover, I say nothing would have happened.

• From Christianity: The First Three Thousand Years, Part 4 (300 – 1300, Rome) (2009)

  arrived in 386 at a crisis which was to bring him a new serenity and a new certainty. In his own account, the crucial prompting was the voice of a child overheard in a garden – children seem to have had a good sense of timing in Milan. The repetitive chant sounded to Augustine like ‘tolle lege’ – ‘take it and read’. The book Augustine had to hand was the Epistles of Paul, which he opened at random at the words of Romans 13, from what is now verses 13–14: ‘put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires …’31 It was enough to bring him back fully to his mother’s faith and it meant that his plans for marriage were abandoned for a life of celibacy. Another woman spurned: the fiancée has received no more consideration than the mistress from historians until modern times. On Augustine’s announcement of the resolution of his torment, Monica ‘was jubilant with triumph and glorified you … And you turned her sadness into rejoicing … far sweeter and more chaste than any she had hoped to find in children begotten of my flesh.’ There is more than one way of interpreting this maternal triumph.32 When, in later years, Augustine came to discuss the concept of original sin, that fatal flaw which in his theology all humans have inherited from the sin of Adam and Eve, he saw it as inseparable from the sexual act, which transmits sin from one generation to another. It was a view momentous in its consequences for the Western Church’s attitude to sexuality. Augustine found his conversion a liberation from torment. One element in his crisis had been the impact of meeting a fellow North African who had been thrown into a state of deep self-doubt and worry about his own successful administrative career by an encounter with Athanasius’s Life of Antony.33 Now Augustine determined on his own abandonment of ambition, leaving his teaching career to follow Antony’s example – after a fashion, for his was to be the life of the desert minus the desert and plus a good library. His plan was to create a celibate religious community with cultivated friends back in his home town: a monastery which would bring the best of the culture of old Rome into a Christian context. This congenial scheme was soon ended by the turbulent Church politics of North Africa. Augustine’s Catholic Christian Church was connected with the rest of the Mediterranean Church and with the imperial administration, but it was a minority in Africa, faced with the deep-rooted localism of the Donatists, cherishing grievances now a century old from the Great Persecution of Diocletian (see p. 211) and including some of the ablest theologians of the African Church. From 387 the Donatists suddenly gained the advantage of political support from a local rebel ruler, Gildo, who established a regime semi-independent of the emperor. In 391 Augustine happened to visit the struggling Catholic

• From History of the Christian Church: The Complete Set of Eight Volumes (1858)

  "We know," wrote the Pope in the instruction to his legate, Francesco Chieregati, "that for some time many abominations, abuses in ecclesiastical affairs, and violations of rights have taken place in the holy see; and that all things have been perverted into bad. From the head the corruption has passed to the limbs, from the Pope to the prelates: we have all departed; there is none that doeth good, no, not one." He regarded Protestantism as a just punishment for the sins of the prelates. He promised to do all in his power to remedy the evil, and to begin with the Curia whence it arose.500 The Emperor was likewise in favor of a reform of discipline, though displeased with Adrian for not supporting him in his war with France and his church-spoliation schemes. The attempt to reform the church morally without touching the dogma had been made by the great Councils of the fifteenth century, and failed. Adrian found no sympathy in Rome, and reigned too short a time (Jan. 9, 1522 to Sept. 14, 1523) to accomplish his desire. It was rumored that he died of poison; but the proof is wanting. Rome rejoiced. His successor, Clement VII. (1523–1534), adopted at once the policy of his cousin, Leo X. Complaint was made in the Diet against the Elector Frederick, that he tolerated Luther at Wittenberg, and allowed the double communion, the marriage of priests, and the forsaking of convents, but his controlling influence prevented any unfavorable action. The report of the suppression of the radical movements in Wittenberg made a good impression. Lutheran books were freely printed and sold in Nürnberg. Osiander preached openly against the Roman Antichrist. The Diet, in the answer to the Pope (framed Feb. 8 and published as an edict March 6, 1523), refused to execute the Edict of Worms, and demanded the calling of a free general council in Germany within a year. In the mean time, Luther should keep silence; and the preachers should content themselves with preaching the holy gospel according to the approved writings of the Christian church. At the same time the hundred gravamina of the German nation were repeated. This edict was a compromise, and did not decide the church question; but it averted the immediate danger to the Reformation, and so far marks a favorable change, as compared with the Edict of Worms. It was the beginning of the political emancipation of Germany from the control of the papacy. Luther was rather pleased with it, except the prohibition of preaching and writing, which he did not obey. The influence of the edict, however, was weakened by several events which occurred soon afterwards. At a new Diet at Nürnberg in January, 1524, where the shrewd Pope Clement VII. was represented by Cardinal Campeggio, the resolution was passed to execute the Edict of Worms, though with the elastic clause, "as far as possible."

• From New Testament Words (1964)

  There remains one special use of prosagōgē at which we must look. In Rom. 5.2 we read that through Jesus we have ‘access’, prosagōgē, into the grace in which we stand. Now prosagōgē, when it means ‘access’ or ‘introduction’, is always used of introduction to ‘persons’, therefore this use is slightly different. In Hellenistic Greek prosagōgē is used of ‘a place for ships to put in’. Plutarch speaks of a general who drew up his troops on terrain in front of the sea where there was no prosagōgē, no place for ships to put in (Aemilius 13). In Sophocles (Philoctetes 236) we find the phrase, ‘What need made you put in (prosagein) to Lemnos?’ The likelihood is that in this Romans passage prosagōgē is used in this sense, and that the phrase means, ‘Jesus opened to us a way into the haven of God’s grace.’ The idea is that we are storm-tossed by sin and sorrow and trouble and temptation, and Jesus offers us the way into the harbour, the haven, the shelter of God’s grace. We are like storm-tossed mariners who would make shipwreck of life unless Jesus took over the piloting of the ship of life and steered it out of the storm into the safe haven of the grace of God. PROSLAMBANESTHAITHE WORD OF WELCOMEProslambanesthai is a verb which means ‘to lay hold on, or to take to oneself’. In the NT it occurs eleven times. In Matt. 16.22 and Mark 8.32 it is used of Peter ‘laying hold’ of Jesus when Jesus first foretold his coming death. In Acts 27.33 it is used of ‘taking food’. In Acts 17.5 it is used of the Thessalonian Jews ‘laying hold of’, or ‘enlisting the help of’ the corner-boys of Thessalonica to cause a riot against Paul and his company. In Acts 28.2 it is used of the people of Malta ‘receiving’ Paul and the ship’s company when they were shipwrecked. These usages are perfectly straightforward. It is the remaining instances which are of special interest. In Acts 18.26 proslambanesthai is used of Aquila and Priscilla ‘taking Apollos to themselves’ in order to explain the Christian way more fully to him. In Rom. 14.1 Paul uses it of ‘receiving’ into the fellowship of the Church the brother who is weak in the faith; and in Rom. 14.3 Paul says that God has ‘received’ us. In Rom. 15.7 Paul uses it when he says that all Christians ought ‘to receive’ one another. And in Philem. 17 he uses it when he urges Philemon ‘to receive’ the runaway slave Onesimus as he would have received Paul himself. From these usages we see that proslambanesthai is an almost technical word for ‘receiving someone into the Christian Church and fellowship and faith’. Let us see the flavour of the word so that we can perhaps understand a little more fully what that Christian reception ought to mean.

• From Tomorrow Sex Will Be Good Again (2021)

  Negative context is also context, and can have profound consequences. A distracting or unpleasant environment, inadequate sexual stimuli or touches, sounds and smells that are off-putting, or a stressful relationship: these can all interfere with the arousal-then-desire cycle. Many women experiencing low sexual desire may not in fact be experiencing a satisfying level of sexual arousal, and many may have never experienced an orgasm. Sex can become obligatory – a chore undertaken to keep a partner happy, who, after all, has an urgent biological drive that must be satisfied. And so a woman’s own pleasure can become less and less important, which in turn affects her desire to have sex at all, since the sex itself may not be worth having. Avoidance can set in; the vicious circle intensifies. Acknowledging that sexual desire need not always take an urgent, spontaneous form has significant implications. If we see responsive desire as desire, we will not see as abnormal women’s ‘deviation’ from the dominant, spontaneous model largely associated with men. This is what the changes to the DSM V were designed to do, by replacing HSDD with Female Sexual Interest/Arousal Disorder (FSIAD), which allows for a sexuality in which responsiveness to initiation plays an important part. This reformulation would, it was hoped, help women access more pleasure. Lori Brotto, for example, in Better Sex Through Mindfulness, uses a therapy with patients that is inspired by Basson’s work; she encourages women to reflect on the contexts and the stimuli that are conducive to their arousal, and urges them to tune in to sensations, mindfully, without judgement, attending to the sexual arousal that emerges. This tuning in can lessen inhibition and ‘open the pathway’ to sexual desire, and, eventually, sexual satisfaction. A virtuous circle – the experience of pleasure and orgasm – can then function as a further incentive to sex. Sex that is rewarding can make women want sex again. A narrow understanding of desire as only spontaneous and urgent makes this kind of approach impossible.

• From The Porn Trap: The Essential Guide to Overcoming Problems Caused by Pornography (2008)

  Both members of a couple always need to feel respected as adults. When an intimate partner spends her time snooping and spying and being overly controlling in order to make sure the porn use never happens again, mutual respect cannot thrive. An intimate partner needs to remember that she did not cause the porn problem, she can’t control it, and that it’s not up to her to cure it. Her focus must be on healing herself—communicating her feelings and needs, working together to set appropriate boundaries, taking care of herself, and resolving her anger—rather than trying to change the recovering porn user. “One of the first women I talked to after I discovered my husband Logan’s porn use was a pastor at my church,” Nancy explained. “She told me to stop playing porn detective, because it was self-destructive and wouldn’t restore trust in Logan. I was trying to control something that’s uncontrollable. She suggested I work on my own issues. It was hard for me to give up that role, and it actually took a lot of women telling me to quit trying to fix him. It helped to remind myself that Logan was working toward making a change for himself. It’s been freeing to me to let go and get out of the way of his recovery.” If an intimate partner is seriously dissatisfied with the relationship, she needs to be prepared to take whatever actions are necessary, including separation, in order to honor her limits and to feel secure in her life. Debbie told us she only started to heal when she got out of what she called the “Mommy, Counselor, Cop, Confessional role” and made it clear that she would separate from her husband if he did not adhere to bottom-line conditions of recovery. “I told Roger: ‘I don’t want to take care of you in your recovery anymore. I am not going to be checking up on where you are, or whether or not you went to your meetings. I do expect you to be honest with me.’ I was able to step back, because I knew he had other people to whom he was accountable in his recovery. Also, I made it clear that if he didn’t live up to his commitment, I would divorce him.” While this type of healing strategy may sound harsh, it’s sometimes necessary in order to facilitate the restoration of trust and intimacy in the relationship. With appropriate action, steadfast honesty, and a mutual commitment to recovery, a couple can restore trust and set in place the first building block for healing a relationship that has been torn apart by porn. 2. UNDER STAND YOUR PARTNER’S EXPERIENCE

• From The Principle of Desire (2013)

  It didn’t surprise her. She had to think about that for a moment, how predictable it had been to her. He’d only told her about it once there was no possibility she’d jump at the chance, she couldn’t help but notice. Did he even realize that? “But you didn’t ask. And don’t you think telling me after the fact, as I’m pushing you out the door, is pretty passive-aggressive? Not very Dom-like.” “I guess that’s fair. Were you always this healthy and reasonable?” She considered it. “No. This is recent.” Sighing, he stepped out onto the porch, paused a moment, then turned and gestured dramatically at the door frame as if he’d crossed not just a physical, but a symbolic threshold. No more actors, Beth decided. “You’re sure?” “I have been sure since I told you six months ago.” “Understood. I take my leave of you, then. ‘Only I here importune death awhile, until of many thousand kisses the poor last I lay upon thy lips.’ For old times’ sake?” No more actors, ever. It was a speech for a dying man, anyway. Unlike Antony, Aaron seemed likely to recover from his current distress. “Nice try. I’m not kissing you, Aaron.” “I figured it was worth a shot.” “Goodbye.” She jiggled the doorknob and he finally relented. “Goodbye, Beth.” She closed the door, locked it, and felt like all the other doors in the world had just opened up for her. * * * The sushi bar setting, Ed decided, was like a date. The character sheet and RPG discussion probably were not. At least as far as his very limited experience went with dates. For one thing, because of the gaming stuff, he and Beth actually talked without running out of things to say. Her eyes didn’t even glaze over as he explained the basic mechanics of the game. Ed’s history of dates had always included eye-glazing before. But even when his explanation of rolling a d20 for damage digressed into a discussion of probability as it applied to icosahedral dice, Beth stayed right with him. Not only that, she got ahead of him. “Of course, that doesn’t take into consideration that the side with the number one on it must weigh marginally more than the other sides, because it has the least material carved out. So the odds of rolling the opposite face would technically be higher, although you might never have enough trials to know for sure in the normal course of events. It would require controlled conditions, too.” “So true!” he concurred, delighted with her acumen. There was just something about a woman with a decent grasp of statistics and research. “And also there will always be minor imperfections in the internal composition of a die that affect the distribution, even though the die itself looks and feels perfectly normal. This is why you should always test-roll your dice before you buy them.”

• From History of the Christian Church: The Complete Set of Eight Volumes (1858)

  The first exile he spent in Treves, the second chiefly in Rome, the third with the monks in the Egyptian desert; and he employed them in the written defence of his righteous cause. Then the Arian party, was distracted, first by internal division, and further by the death of the emperor Constantius (361), who was their chief support. The pagan Julian recalled the banished bishops of both parties, in the hope that they might destroy one another. Thus, Athanasius among them, who was the most downright opposite of the Christian-hating emperor, again received his bishopric. But when, by his energetic and wise administration, he rather restored harmony in his diocese, and sorely injured paganism, which he feared far less than Arianism, and thus frustrated the cunning plan of Julian, the emperor resorted to violence, and banished him as a dangerous disturber of the peace. For the fourth time Athanasius left Alexandria, but calmed his weeping friends with the prophetic words: "Be of good cheer; it is only a cloud, which will soon pass over." By presence of mind he escaped from an imperial ship on the Nile, which had two hired assassins on board. After Julian’s death in 362 he was again recalled by Jovian. But the next emperor Valens, an Arian, issued in 367 an edict which again banished all the bishops who had been deposed under Constantius and restored by Julian. The aged Athanasius was obliged for the fifth time to leave his beloved flock, and kept himself concealed more than four months in the tomb of his father. Then Valens, boding ill from the enthusiastic adherence of the Alexandrians to their orthodox bishop, repealed the edict. From this time Athanasius had peace, and still wrote, at a great age, with the vigor of youth, against Apollinarianism. In the year 3731929 he died, after an administration of nearly forty-six years, but before the conclusion of the Arian war. He had secured by his testimony the final victory of orthodoxy, but, like Moses, was called away from the earthly scene before the goal was reached. Athanasius, like many great men (from David and Paul to Napoleon and Schleiermacher), was very small of stature,1930 somewhat stooping and emaciated by fasting and many troubles, but fair of countenance, with a piercing eye and a personal appearance of great power even over his enemies.1931 His omnipresent activity, his rapid and his mysterious movements, his fearlessness, and his prophetic insight into the future, were attributed by his friends to divine assistance, by his enemies to a league with evil powers. Hence the belief in his magic art.1932 His congregation in Alexandria and the people and monks of Egypt were attached to him through all the vicissitudes of his tempestuous life with equal fidelity and veneration.

• From History of the Christian Church: The Complete Set of Eight Volumes (1858)

  He abandoned the liberal views he had expressed at the Council at Rheims,291 and the legend says that he sold his soul to the devil for the papal tiara. He assumed the significant name of Sylvester II., intending to aid the youthful emperor (whose mother was a Greek princess) in the realization of his utopian dream to establish a Graeco-Latin empire with old Rome for its capital, and to rule from it the Christian world, as Constantine the Great had done during the pontificate of Sylvester I. But Otho died in his twenty-second year, of Italian fever or of poison (1002).292 Sylvester II. followed his imperial pupil a year after (1003). His learning, acquired in part from the Arabs in Spain, appeared a marvel to his ignorant age, and suggested a connection with magic. He sent to St. Stephen of Hungary the royal crown, and, in a pastoral letter to Europe where Jerusalem is represented as crying for help, he gave the first impulse to the crusades (1000), ninety years before they actually began.293 In the expectation of the approaching judgment, crowds of pilgrims flocked to Palestine to greet the advent of the Saviour. But the first millennium passed, and Christendom awoke with a sigh of relief on the first day of the year 1001. Benedict VIII., and Emperor Henry II. Upon the whole the Saxon emperors were of great service to the papacy: they emancipated it from the tyranny of domestic political factions, they restored it to wealth, and substituted worthy occupants for monstrous criminals. During the next reign the confusion broke out once more. The anti-imperial party regained the ascendency, and John Crescentius, the son of the beheaded consul, ruled under the title of Senator and Patricius. But the Counts of Tusculum held the balance of power pretty evenly, and gradually superseded the house of Crescentius. They elected Benedict VIII. (1012–1024), a member of their family; while Crescentius and his friends appointed an anti-pope (Gregory). Benedict proved a very energetic pope in the defence of Italy against the Saracens. He forms the connecting link between the Ottonian and the Hildebrandian popes. He crowned Henry II, (1014), as the faithful patron and protector simply, not as the liege-lord, of the pope. This last emperor of the Saxon house was very devout, ascetic, and liberal in endowing bishoprics. He favored clerical celibacy. He aimed earnestly at a moral reformation of the church. He declared at a diet, that he had made Christ his heir, and would devote all he possessed to God and his church. He filled the vacant bishoprics and abbeys with learned and worthy men; and hence his right of appointment was not resisted. He died after a reign of twenty-two years, and was buried at his favorite place, Bamberg in Bavaria, where he had founded a bishopric (1007). He and his chaste wife, Kunigunde, were canonized by the grateful church (1146).294 The Tusculan Popes. Benedict IX. With Benedict VIII.