Grief

Passages

Every passage tagged with this emotion in the Vela corpus. Search the body text, narrow by source or register, click through to a book’s profile to see how the passage sits with the rest of the work.

Page 154 of 263 · 20 per page

• From Girls & Sex (2016)

  I don’t want to idealize relationships. While some girls had found love and joy within them, others had experienced manipulation and devastation. Becca had undergone two depressive episodes after splitting up with high school boyfriends. Mackenzie cried until she vomited when she discovered her boyfriend’s recent betrayal, and had hardly eaten in days. Her schoolwork was suffering, too. More than half of physical and sexual abuse of teen girls by a romantic partner happens within a relationship, and those experiences prime girls to be victimized again in young adulthood. One girl I spoke with described how her tenth-grade boyfriend slapped her and flung her into a fence when she threatened to break up with him. Another girl, a sophomore in college, hadn’t realized she could be—and was—raped by her recent boyfriend. Encouraging girls to explore sexuality within mutually caring, emotionally connected relationships is one thing; insisting on it is another. That can turn sex into a commodity that girls barter for the “safety” of commitment, and implicitly condone the shaming of those who don’t comply. There was no consistent attitude toward either hookups or relationships among the girls I met. They all, however, had to negotiate the culture of casual sex, whether they participated in it or not. They all had to find comfortable ground in a culture that was simultaneously fun and antagonistic, carefree yet riddled with risk. The question to me, then, became less about whether hookups were “good” or “bad” for girls than about how to ensure reciprocity, respect, and agency regardless of the context of a sexual encounter. That meant understanding the contours of girls’ new freedom as well as the constraints, both physical and psychological, that remained. The Happy Hookup Holly, a Spanish and psychology major, revised her definition of “slut” for the first time when she was sixteen. She grew up in a mostly white, affluent, liberal East Coast suburb and attended a progressive, all-girls high school. Her mom told her to wait until marriage to have sex, but in Health class she learned about birth control and practiced putting a condom on a rubber model of a penis. (Again, though, the location of the clitoris, masturbation, and female orgasm went unmentioned.) In tenth grade, some of her friends began performing oral sex on their boyfriends; within a year or so, they were having intercourse. “My opinion had very much been, ‘It’s only those skanky public school girls who are doing that sort of thing,’” Holly said. “But if my friends were having sex, it had to be okay, right? So I had to reevaluate. I thought, ‘That’s fine; they’ve been dating for a year. They’ve built trusting relationships.’”

• From Becoming Myself: A Psychiatrist's Memoir (2017)

  That was what Rollo experienced, not for moments, but for hours and days at a time. Yet somehow he continued to work until the very end. Late in his life I attended one of his public talks. His delivery was as strong as ever, his voice sonorous and soothing, but, toward the end, he repeated the same story he had told just a few minutes before. I cringed when I heard that, I cringed for him, and often I remind my friends to be honest with me and tell me when it’s time for me to stop. One evening Georgia phoned to say that Rollo might be near death and asked us to come immediately. The three of us spent that night taking turns sitting next to Rollo, who had lost consciousness and was in advanced pulmonary edema, breathing laboriously, sometimes with deep, long breaths followed by shorter, shallower ones. Ultimately, on my watch, as I was sitting by him and touching his shoulder, he took one last convulsive breath and died. Georgia asked me to help her wash his body to prepare him for the mortician, who, the following morning, would take him to the crematorium. That night, shaken by Rollo’s death and his impending cremation, I had a powerful and unforgettable dream: I’m walking with my parents and sister in a mall and then we decide to go upstairs. I find myself on an elevator but I’m alone—my family has disappeared. It’s a long ascending elevator ride. When I get off I’m on a tropical beach. But I can’t find my family though I keep looking and looking for them. Though it is a lovely setting—tropical beaches are paradise for me—I begin to feel pervasive dread. Next I put on a nightshirt that bears a cute, smiling face of Smokey the Bear. That face on the shirt then becomes brighter, then brilliant. Soon the face becomes the entire focus of the dream, as though all the energy of the dream is transferred onto that cute grinning little Smokey Bear face. The dream woke me, not so much from terror, but from the brilliance of the blazing emblem on the nightshirt. It was as though floodlights suddenly turned on in my bedroom. What lay behind the blazing image of Smokey? I’m certain it was connected to Rollo’s cremation. His death confronted me with my own, which the dream portrays through my isolation from my family and that endless elevator ride upstairs. I’m shocked by the gullibility of my unconscious. How embarrassing it is that some part of me has bought into the Hollywood version of immortality as a celestial paradise, complete with tropical beach. I had gone to sleep that night shaken by the horror of Rollo’s death and his pending cremation, and my dream attempted to de-terrify that experience, to soften it, to make it bearable. Death is disguised benignly as an elevator trip upstairs to a tropical beach.

• From Another Country (1962)

  “I don’t know yet. I’ll let you know when I do. Richard’s gone off, he may not be back for a couple of days. He wants to think, he says.” She sighed. “I don’t know.” She said, carefully, looking at the painting, “I imagine, for the sake of the children, he’ll decide that we should weather this, and stick together. I don’t know if I want that or not, I don’t know if I can bear it. But he won’t sue me for divorce, he hasn’t got the courage to name you as corespondent.” Each to the other’s astonishment, laughed. She looked at him again. “I can’t come to you,” she said. There was a silence. “No,” he said, “you can’t come to me.” “So it’s really—though I’ll see you again—good-bye.” “Yes,” he said. Then, “It had to come.” “I know. I wish it hadn’t come as it has come, but”—she smiled—“you did something very valuable for me, Eric, just the same. I hope you’ll believe me. I hope you’ll never forget it—what I’ve said. I’ll never forget you.” “No,” he said, and suddenly touched her arm. He felt that he was falling, falling out of the world. Cass was releasing him into chaos. He held on to her for the last time. She looked into his face, and she said, “Don’t be frightened, Eric. It will help me not to be frightened, if you’re not. Do that for me.” She touched his face, his lips. “Be a man. It can be borne, everything can be borne.” “Yes.” But he stared at her still. “Oh, Cass. If only I could do more.” “You can’t,” she said, “do more than you’ve done. You’ve been my lover and now you’re my friend.” She took his hand in hers and stared down at it. “That was you you gave me for a little while. It was really you.” They turned away from the ringing canvas, into the crowds again, and walked slowly down the stairs. Cass put up her hood; he had never taken off his cap. “When will I see you?” he asked. “Will you call me, or what?” “I’ll call you,” she said, “tomorrow, or the day after.” They walked to the doors and stopped. It was still raining. They stood watching the rain. No one entered, no one left. Then a cab rolled up to the curb and stopped. Two women, wearing plastic hoods, fumbled with their umbrellas and handbags and change purses, preparing to step out of the cab. Without a word, Eric and Cass rushed out into the rain, to the curb. The women ran heavily into the museum. Eric opened the cab door. “Good-bye, Eric.” She leaned forward and kissed him. He held her. Her face was wet but he did not know whether it was rainwater or tears. She pulled away and got into the cab. “I’ll be expecting your call,” he said. “Yes. I’ll call you. Be good.” “God bless you, Cass. So long.”

• From Another Country (1962)

  She had the advantage of him, for he did not know what to say. He realized this with shame and fear. He wanted to say, I love you, but the words would not come. He wondered what her lips would taste like now, what her body would be like for him now: he watched her quiet face. She seemed utterly passive; yet, she was waiting, in a despair which steadily chilled and hardened, for some word, some touch, of his. And he could not find himself, could not summon or concentrate enough of himself to make any sign at all. He stared into his cup, noting that black coffee was not black, but deep brown. Not many things in the world were really black, not even the night, not even the mines. And the light was not white, either, even the palest light held within itself some hint of its origins, in fire. He thought to himself that he had at last got what he wanted, the truth out of Ida, or the true Ida; and he did not know how he was going to live with it. He said, “Thank you for telling me—everything you’ve told me. I know it wasn’t easy.” She said nothing. She made a faint, steamy sound as she sipped her coffee, and this sound was unaccountably, inexpressibly annoying. “And forgive me, now, if I don’t seem to know just what to say, I’m maybe a little—stunned.” He looked over at her, and a wilderness of anger, pity, love, and contempt and lust all raged together in him. She, too, was a whore; how bitterly he had been betrayed! “I’m not trying to deny anything you’ve said, but just the same, there are a lot of things I didn’t—don’t—understand, not really. Bear with me, please give me a little time—” “Vivaldo,” she said, wearily, “just one thing. I don’t want you to be understanding. I don’t want you to be kind, okay?” She looked directly at him, and an unnameable heat and tension flashed violently alive between them, as close to hatred as it was to love. She softened and reached out, and touched his hand. “Promise me that.” “I promise you that,” he said. And then, furiously, “You seem to forget that I love you.” They stared at each other. Suddenly, he reached out and pulled her to him, trembling, with tears starting up behind his eyes, burning and blinding, and covered her face with kisses, which seemed to freeze as they fell. She clung to him; with a sigh she buried her face in his chest. There was nothing erotic in it; they were like two weary children. And it was she who was comforting him. Her long fingers stroked his back, and he began, slowly, with a horrible, strangling sound, to weep, for she was stroking his innocence out of him.

• From Amplified Holy Bible (2015)

  [Lev 19:18 ; Matt 22:39 ] 20 The young man said to Him, “I have kept all these things [from my youth]; what do I still lack?” [Luke 18:21 ] 21 Jesus answered him, “If you wish to be perfect [that is, have the spiritual maturity that accompanies godly character with no moral or ethical deficiencies], go and sell what you have and give [the money] to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me [becoming My disciple, believing and trusting in Me and walking the same path of life that I walk].” 22 But when the young man heard this, he left grieving and distressed, for he owned much property and had many possessions [which he treasured more than his relationship with God]. 23 Jesus said to His disciples, “I assure you and most solemnly say to you, it is difficult for a rich man [who clings to possessions and status as security] to enter the kingdom of heaven. 24 “Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man [who places his faith in wealth and status] to enter the kingdom of God.” 25 When the disciples heard this, they were completely c astonished and bewildered, saying, “Then who can be saved [from the wrath of God]?” 26 But Jesus looked at them and said, “With people [as far as it depends on them] it is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” [Gen 18:14 ; Job 42:2 ] The Disciples’ Reward 27 Then Peter answered Him, saying, “Look, we have given up everything and followed You [becoming Your disciples and accepting You as Teacher and Lord]; what then will there be for us?” 28 Jesus said to them, “I assure you and most solemnly say to you, in the renewal [that is, the Messianic restoration and regeneration of all things] when the Son of Man sits on His glorious throne, you [who have followed Me, becoming My disciples] will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. 29 “And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother d or children or farms for My name’s sake will receive many times as much, and will inherit eternal life. 30 “But many who are first [in this world] will be last [in the world to come]; and the last, first. Matthew 20 Laborers in the Vineyard 1 “F or the kingdom of heaven is like the owner of an estate who went out in the morning at dawn to hire workmen for his vineyard. 2 “When he had agreed with the laborers for a a denarius for the day, he sent them into his vineyard.

• From How to Deal with Angry People (2023)

  CHAPTER 11 STRATEGY SIX: FIND WAYS TO REACH THOSE WHO REFUSE TO COMMUNICATE Cutting Off Contact A client, Anne, once came to talk to me because she had alienated a friend and didn’t know what to do about it. It had started over something small, but had escalated into a bigger fight, and Anne had hurt her friend’s feelings. Her friend then completely disconnected from her. She stopped responding to calls and texts (this was in the era before social media, but I suspect she would have unfriended her on Facebook as well), and when they bumped into each other on her college campus, the friend just walked past her without saying anything or making eye contact. Anne was devastated. She missed her friend and felt bad about what she had done to alienate her. What made things more complicated for her, though, was that she didn’t actually think she was fully responsible. She told me that they had both gone too far with the argument, that they both had said hurtful things to one another, and that they both had good reasons to be angry. Anne didn’t feel it was entirely her responsibility to try and save their friendship, but she also knew her friend wasn’t going to put forward any effort. This last piece made her feel even worse. The situation between Anne and her friend is a relationship problem, obviously, but it’s also an anger problem. At the core, we have two people who are angry at one another and one of them is expressing that anger by cutting off contact. Anne interpreted that shutting down as a lack of interest in continuing

• From The Decameron (1353)

  The lady besought her for God's sake be silent and help her dress herself, and learning from her that none knew where she had been save those who had carried her the clothes and the husbandman there present, was somewhat comforted and prayed them for God's sake never to say aught of the matter to any one. Then, after much parley, the husbandman, taking the lady in his arms, for that she could not walk, brought her safely without the tower; but the unlucky maid, who had remained behind, descending less circumspectly, made a slip of the foot and falling from the ladder to the ground, broke her thigh, whereupon she fell a-roaring for the pain, that it seemed a lion. The husbandman, setting the lady down on a plot of grass, went to see what ailed the maid and finding her with her thigh broken, carried her also to the grass-plat and laid her beside her mistress, who, seeing this befallen in addition to her other troubles and that she had broken her thigh by whom she looked to have been succoured more than by any else, was beyond measure woebegone and fell a-weeping afresh and so piteously that not only could the husbandman not avail to comfort her, but himself fell a-weeping like wise. But presently, the sun being now low, he repaired, at the instance of the disconsolate lady, lest the night should overtake them there, to his own house, and there called his wife and two brothers of his, who returned to the tower with a plank and setting the maid thereon, carried her home, whilst he himself, having comforted the lady with a little cold water and kind words, took her up in his arms and brought her to her own chamber.

• From The Decameron (1353)

  Gisippus, having beheld him several days full of melancholy thought and seeing him presently sick, was sore concerned and with every art and all solicitude studied to comfort him, never leaving him and questioning him often and instantly of the cause of his melancholy and his sickness. Titus, after having once and again given him idle tales, which Gisippus knew to be such, by way of answer, finding himself e'en constrained thereunto, with tears and sighs replied to him on this wise, 'Gisippus, had it pleased the Gods, death were far more a-gree to me than to live longer, considering that fortune hath brought me to a pass whereas it behoved me make proof of my virtue and that I have, to my exceeding shame, found this latter overcome; but certes I look thereof to have ere long the reward that befitteth me, to wit, death, and this will be more pleasing to me than to live in remembrance of my baseness, which latter, for that I cannot nor should hide aught from thee, I will, not without sore blushing, discover to thee.' Then, beginning from the beginning, he discovered to him the cause of his melancholy and the conflict of his thoughts and ultimately gave him to know which had gotten the victory and confessed himself perishing for love of Sophronia, declaring that, knowing how much this misbeseemed him, he had for penance thereof resolved himself to die, whereof he trusted speedily to make an end.

• From Amplified Holy Bible (2015)

  18 And when they arrived he said to them: “Y ou know well how I [lived when I] was with you, from the first day that I set foot in Asia [until now], 19 serving the Lord with all humility and with tears and trials which came on me because of the plots of the Jews [against me]; 20 [you know] how I did not shrink back in fear from telling you anything that was for your benefit, or from teaching you in public meetings, and from house to house, 21 solemnly [and wholeheartedly] testifying to both Jews and Greeks, urging them to turn in repentance to God and [to have] faith in our Lord Jesus Christ [for salvation]. 22 “And now, compelled by the Spirit and obligated by my convictions, I am going to Jerusalem, not knowing what will happen to me there, 23 except that the Holy Spirit solemnly [and emphatically] affirms to me in city after city that imprisonment and suffering await me. 24 “But I do not consider my life as something of value or dear to me, so that I may [with joy] finish my course and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify faithfully of the good news of God’s [precious, undeserved] grace [which makes us free of the guilt of sin and grants us eternal life]. 25 “And now, listen carefully: I know that none of you, among whom I went about preaching the kingdom, e will see me again. 26 “For that reason I testify to you on this [our parting] day that I am innocent of the blood of all people. 27 “For I did not shrink from declaring to you the whole purpose and plan of God. 28 “Take care and be on guard for yourselves and for the whole flock over which the Holy Spirit has appointed you as overseers, to shepherd (tend, feed, guide) the church of God which He bought with His own blood. 29 “I know that after I am gone, [false teachers like] ferocious wolves will come in among you, not sparing the flock; 30 even from among your own selves men will arise, speaking perverse and distorted things, to draw away the disciples after themselves [as their followers]. 31 “Therefore be continually alert, remembering that for three years, night or day, I did not stop admonishing and advising each one [of you] with tears. 32 “And now I commend you to God [placing you in His protective, loving care] and [I commend you] to the word of His grace [the counsel and promises of His unmerited favor]. His grace is able to build you up and to give you the [rightful] inheritance among all those who are sanctified [that is, among those who are set apart for God’s purpose—all believers]. 33 “I had no desire for anyone’s silver or gold or [expensive] clothes.

• From How to Deal with Angry People (2023)

  The outcome for Anne was not such a pleasant one. Anne reached out to her friend via email, asking for an opportunity to talk about what had happened and even issuing an apology for her part of it. What she got back from her friend was an exceedingly hostile response, making it clear – maybe even a little too clear – that she did not wish to be friends anymore. Anne was hurt and therapy quickly shifted from “How can I repair this friendship?” to “How can I get over this loss?” It does open up a really interesting question, though, about how to deal with an angry email. Or, more broadly, how do we deal with various forms of “e- anger” (social media, texting, dating apps, and so on)? Much of the anger we experience isn’t face to face, but screen to screen. What are some effective strategies for navigating the hostility of the internet? The next chapter is all about that. * I will admit to being pleasantly surprised by the amount of research that’s been done on “ghosting.” There’s about 20 research articles in the past decade, which is a good amount considering it’s a relatively new topic. I was not disappointed with the titles either which ranged from the punny (When your boo becomes a ghost) to the excessively jargony (Disappearing in the age of hypervisibility: Definition, context, and perceived psychological consequences of social media ghosting). * The internet is of two minds on this topic. On the one hand, “ghosting” appears very common and some see it as a reasonable way to end relationships, particularly if those relationships were unhealthy. At the same time, essays on how to deal with ghosting are actively hostile to the “ghosts,” routinely describing them as immature or even too unskilled to communicate directly. The ghosts themselves were not available to respond.

• From Amplified Holy Bible (2015)

  15 This [superficial] wisdom is not that which comes down from above, but is earthly (secular), natural (unspiritual), even demonic. 16 For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder [unrest, rebellion] and every evil thing and morally degrading practice. 17 But the wisdom from above is first pure [morally and spiritually undefiled], then peace-loving [courteous, considerate], gentle, reasonable [and willing to listen], full of compassion and good fruits. It is unwavering, without [self-righteous] hypocrisy [and self-serving guile]. 18 And the seed whose fruit is righteousness (spiritual maturity) is sown in peace by those who make peace [by actively encouraging goodwill between individuals]. James 4 Things to Avoid 1 W HAT LEADS to [the unending] a quarrels and conflicts among you? Do they not come from your [hedonistic] desires that wage war in your [bodily] members [fighting for control over you]? 2 You are jealous and covet [what others have] and b your lust goes unfulfilled; so you c murder. You are envious and cannot obtain [the object of your envy]; so you fight and battle. You do not have because you do not ask [it of God]. [1 John 3:15 ] 3 You ask [God for something] and do not receive it, because you ask d with wrong motives [out of selfishness or with an unrighteous agenda], so that [when you get what you want] you may spend it on your [hedonistic] desires. 4 You adulteresses [disloyal sinners—flirting with the world and breaking your vow to God]! Do you not know that being the world’s friend [that is, loving the things of the world] is being God’s enemy? So whoever chooses to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. 5 Or do you think that the Scripture says to no purpose e that the [human] spirit which He has made to dwell in us lusts with envy? [Gen 6:5 ] 6 But He gives us more and more grace [through the power of the Holy Spirit to defy sin and live an obedient life that reflects both our faith and our gratitude for our salvation]. Therefore, it says, “GOD IS OPPOSED TO THE PROUD and HAUGHTY , BUT [continually] GIVES [the gift of] GRACE TO THE HUMBLE [who turn away from self-righteousness].” [Prov 3:34 ] 7 So submit to [the authority of] God. Resist the devil [stand firm against him] and he will flee from you. 8 Come close to God [with a contrite heart] and He will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; and purify your [unfaithful] hearts, you double-minded [people]. 9 Be miserable and grieve and weep [over your sin]. Let your [foolish] laughter be turned to mourning and your [reckless] joy to gloom. 10 Humble yourselves [with an attitude of repentance and insignificance] in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you [He will lift you up, He will give you purpose]. 11 Believers, do not speak against or slander one another.

• From How to Deal with Angry People (2023)

  You should make a point of listening to them and giving some thought to that feedback. Give Them Time Finally, be sure to give them space and time to think about and reflect on what you’re asking of them. In any contentious conversation, it’s very unlikely that you’ll find a resolution during the meeting. There may be hurt feelings, additional disagreement, and maybe even some anger during the conversation. Do your best to be patient with those feelings and disagreements and understand that even if the person agrees to make an effort to change their approach, that change may take some time. It Won’t Always Work In a lot of ways, these guidelines assume a certain level of emotional maturity of the person you are interacting with. They assume the person wants to have productive conversations, that a person has similar goals to you, and that they have some ability to manage their feelings in emotionally charged situations. Those people do indeed exist. Even people who are prone to anger can be capable of having these sorts of goal-driven, productive conversations. However, there are of course angry people in our lives who are not going to be able to do this effectively, no matter how much thought or planning we put into it. Sometimes we have to acknowledge that we are only one side of this conversation and know when to let things go and to disengage. We come on to this in the next chapter. * I’m not suggesting that one person is at fault and the other is innocent. Far from it. There was plenty of opportunity for either friend to de-escalate things. But that statement – the reference to what she “always” does – was the point that the argument stopped being about whether or not they should leave and started being about something else. * Because you hadn’t yet read the chapter on dealing with anger online. CHAPTER 14 STRATEGY NINE: KNOW WHEN TO DISENGAGE PRIORITIZING PHYSICAL SAFETY Remember that learning how to deal with angry people is not about tolerating physical and emotional abuse. Always remove yourself to a safe space if you believe you are in danger. Hard to Think About, Write About, or Act On I want to preface the chapter with the following: This was by far the most difficult chapter to write. The decision to disengage from a toxic relationship is a really big thing to consider and it feels overwhelming to write about it or to offer suggestions for when or how to do it. On top of that, it’s deeply nuanced, so everything I wrote felt incomplete. I kept saying to myself, “But what about those situations where…?” or “That might work if the person isn’t….”

• From Confessions of the Flesh (The History of Sexuality, Vol. 4) (2021)

  It must have been in the autumn of 1982 that the manuscript on the Christian conception of the flesh—along with the corresponding typescript—was delivered to Gallimard.27 Pierre Nora recalls that on this occasion Foucault lets him know that this doesn’t mean the publication of the Aveux de la chair will be imminent, however, because he’s decided, encouraged by Paul Veyne, that this book that he’s just had transcribed will be preceded by a volume devoted to the Greco-Roman experience of the aphrodisia. The extent of the investigations that we’ve just noted will be such that Foucault will add to that book the two volumes that we are familiar with: The Use of Pleasure and The Care of the Self. The work on and drafting of these two volumes—ongoing even as he is launching yet another new field of research at the Collège de France: a study of parrêsia28—will delay him in his rereading of the Confessions of the Flesh and will possibly dissuade him from undertaking a rewrite. From March to May 1984, as he is finishing the editorial work around volumes 2 and 3, exhausted and gravely ill, he takes up the correction of the typescript of the Confessions of the Flesh. Hospitalized on June 3 following a physical breakdown, he dies at the Salpêtrière on June 25, 1984. To establish this edition, we have therefore drawn on the manuscript written in Foucault’s hand, together with the typescript.29 This typescript, which was established in turn by Éditions Gallimard on the basis of the manuscript, then conveyed to Michel Foucault for correction,30 is rather faulty—it could not be entrusted, for reasons of unavailability, to the secretary who usually typed his texts and was very familiar with his handwriting.

• From American Swing (2008)

  1532 01:16:43,807 --> 01:16:45,934 - HE PASSED AWAY? - YEAH. 1533 01:16:45,934 --> 01:16:48,895 - HE WAS ONLY ABOUT 50. - 62. 1534 01:16:50,063 --> 01:16:51,356 WOW. 1535 01:16:52,858 --> 01:16:55,485 ( pop music playing ) 1536 01:17:03,785 --> 01:17:06,663 ♪ OH, HOW HAPPY ♪ 1537 01:17:06,663 --> 01:17:09,333 ♪ YOU HAVE MADE ME ♪ 1538 01:17:09,333 --> 01:17:12,044 ♪ OH, HOW HAPPY ♪ 1539 01:17:12,044 --> 01:17:14,379 ♪ YOU HAVE MADE ME ♪ 1540 01:17:14,379 --> 01:17:17,257 ♪ I HAVE KISSED YOUR LIPS ♪ 1541 01:17:17,257 --> 01:17:19,926 ♪ A THOUSAND TIMES ♪ 1542 01:17:19,926 --> 01:17:22,763 ♪ AND MORE TIMES THAN I CAN COUNT ♪ 1543 01:17:22,763 --> 01:17:25,098 ♪ I HAVE CALLED YOU MINE ♪ 1544 01:17:25,098 --> 01:17:26,224 ♪ YOU HAVE STOOD... ♪ 1545 01:17:26,224 --> 01:17:28,310 Karen: I TRIED TO HIDE THE FACT 1546 01:17:28,310 --> 01:17:30,646 THAT LARRY LEVENSON WAS MY BROTHER. 1547 01:17:30,646 --> 01:17:32,689 AFTER ALL, MY NAME WAS KAREN POSNER. 1548 01:17:32,689 --> 01:17:35,525 IT WASN'T TOO DIFFICULT, I THOUGHT, TO KEEP IT A SECRET. 1549 01:17:35,525 --> 01:17:38,695 BUT OF COURSE EVERYBODY KNEW BECAUSE OF THE CAR SHOWING UP AT THE HOUSE 1550 01:17:38,695 --> 01:17:42,240 AND LARRY MARCHING INTO ALL OF OUR BACKYARD BARBECUES. 1551 01:17:42,240 --> 01:17:44,910 I SAW PEOPLE GETTING DOWN 1552 01:17:44,910 --> 01:17:48,288 IN VARIOUS STAGES. BIG DEAL. 1553 01:17:48,288 --> 01:17:50,957 WHAT DID YOU EXPECT? WHERE DO YOU EXPECT BABIES COME FROM? 1554 01:17:50,957 --> 01:17:54,211 I WOULDN'T JUST TAKE MY CLOTHES OFF AND JUST WALK AROUND LIKE THAT. 1555 01:17:54,211 --> 01:17:56,880 YOU KNOW? HAVE I DONE ANYTHING THERE? 1556 01:17:58,840 --> 01:18:02,386 I REALLY CAN'T TALK ABOUT THAT... IF I'VE EVER DONE ANYTHING THERE. 1557 01:18:02,386 --> 01:18:06,014 WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PARSLEY AND PUSSY? 1558 01:18:06,014 --> 01:18:08,684 HE SAYS, "WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE?" I SAYS, 1559 01:18:08,684 --> 01:18:10,727 "WELL, WHO EATS PARSLEY?" 1560 01:18:12,813 --> 01:18:15,315 ONE OF LARRY'S IDEAS 1561 01:18:15,315 --> 01:18:18,777 WAS THAT HE SERIOUSLY BELIEVED 1562 01:18:18,777 --> 01:18:22,572 THAT HE COULD HAVE SEX WITH EVERY SINGLE WOMAN 1563 01:18:22,572 --> 01:18:25,826 IN NEW YORK AND I WAS GOING TO HELP HIM DO IT. 1564 01:18:27,077 --> 01:18:29,413 WHAT DO YOU SAY TO SOMETHING LIKE THAT? 1565 01:18:29,413 --> 01:18:30,914 WE LAUGH. 1566 01:18:30,914 --> 01:18:34,459 THAT'S WHAT KEEPS A MARRIAGE GOING SOMETIMES 1567 01:18:34,459 --> 01:18:36,128 IS LAUGHTER. 1568 01:18:36,128 --> 01:18:38,380 I MEAN HE MAKES ME LAUGH, I MAKE HIM LAUGH. 1569 01:18:38,380 --> 01:18:41,216 - AND NOW WE HAVE A NEW LIFE. - UH UH UH! 1570 01:18:41,216 --> 01:18:42,843 YEAH, BUT NOW WE GOT A NEW LIFE. 1571 01:18:42,843 --> 01:18:44,845 - BUT UH UH UH. - NO, HOME. 1572 01:18:44,845 --> 01:18:47,097 OH YEAH. OUR POKER LIFE. 1573 01:18:47,097 --> 01:18:51,768 NOW WE CAN'T WAIT TO GET BACK TO VEGAS IN DECEMBER. 1574 01:18:53,395 --> 01:18:54,604 GO AHEAD. WHAT ELSE? 1575 01:18:54,604 --> 01:18:56,189 ♪ ...MADE ME ♪ 1576 01:18:56,189 --> 01:18:58,692 ♪ YOU HAVE MADE ME ♪ 1577 01:18:58,692 --> 01:19:01,153 ♪ YOU HAVE MADE ME ♪ 1578 01:19:01,153 --> 01:19:03,488 ♪ YOU HAVE MADE ME. ♪ 1579 01:19:09,035 --> 01:19:11,621 ( instrumental music playing )

• From Real Life (2020)

  Ce que tu as fait. Ça n’a pas d’importance. Rien de tout ça n’en a. — Bien sûr que si, répond vivement Miller. Qu’est-ce que tu racontes ? De quoi tu parles ? » Wallace roule vivement sur le dos et pose l’oreiller sur sa poitrine. Miller se glisse tout près, et le lit émet un grincement grotesque sous leurs poids. Des ombres se promènent au plafond, venues de l’extérieur et d’une autre pièce, où la lumière de la salle de bains se répercute avant de revenir dans la chambre. Wallace fixe le point où les murs se rejoignent, et la lumière s’aplatit, le jaune devient diffus, jusqu’à se fondre dans la couleur de la peinture au plafond. Wallace colle sa langue à l’arrière de ses dents. Son palais est à vif, douloureux. Il sent la chair écorchée contre ses gencives. Sa vision est toujours trouble en périphérie. « Quand j’étais au collège, commence-t-il, mon père a quitté la maison. Il est allé s’installer un peu plus loin dans la même rue, dans une autre maison, construite par le père de mon frère. Une ancienne galerie d’art, un truc comme ça. Une maison transformée en galerie d’art, puis de nouveau en maison. Bref, mon père a emménagé là, il habitait là. Et moi, je n’avais pas le droit de lui rendre visite. Il a dit qu’il ne voulait plus nous voir. Je lui ai demandé pourquoi. Et il a répondu que le pourquoi n’avait pas d’importance ; c’était comme ça, c’est tout. Il ne voulait pas nous voir. Pas me voir. Plus jamais. » Wallace parcourt le rebord de son amertume ancienne, il peut entendre la voix qui s’élève du passé, le rire éraillé. Son père avait secoué la tête et souri à Wallace, posé la main sur son épaule. Ils étaient presque de taille et poids égaux à l’époque, ses doigts osseux et noueux. Il avait juste dit : Je ne veux pas de toi ici. Et c’était tout. Wallace n’avait pas eu droit à une explication pour cette coupure, pour l’éclatement de sa famille, qui le laissait dans la maison avec sa mère et son frère – il avait appris que certaines choses n’ont pas de cause, et que, quel que soit ce qu’il éprouve, il ne peut pas toujours exiger du monde une explication. Ses yeux le brûlent de nouveau. Il pose son pouce contre l’arête de son nez. Les larmes s’accumulent le long de ses cils, leur sel chaud enfle, mais elles ne coulent pas pour l’instant. La tristesse est comme de la fibre de verre, du coton fourré dans la cavité derrière son visage, dans ses pommettes creuses. « Et maintenant il est mort, et je ne sais toujours pas pourquoi il ne voulait pas de ma présence. Je ne l’ai pratiquement pas revu après ça.

• From Another Country (1962)

  “He says it’s me trying to get us killed.” She tried to laugh. “He had a fight last week with some guy in the subway, some real, ignorant, unhappy man just didn’t like the idea of our being together, you know? and, well, you know, he blamed that fight on me. He said I was encouraging the man. Why, Viv, I didn’t even see the man until he opened his mouth. But, Rufus, he’s all the time looking for it, he sees it where it ain’t, he don’t see nothing else no more. He says I ruined his life. Well, he sure ain’t done mine much good.” She tried to dry her eyes. Vivaldo gave her his handkerchief and put one arm around her shoulders. “You know, the world is hard enough and people is evil enough without all the time looking for it and stirring it up and making it worse. I keep telling him, I know a lot of people don’t like what I’m doing. But I don’t care, let them go their way, I’ll go mine.” A policeman passed them, giving them a look. Vivaldo felt a chill go through Leona’s body. Then a chill went through his own. He had never been afraid of policemen before; he had merely despised them. But now he felt the impersonality of the uniform, the emptiness of the streets. He felt what the policeman might say and do if he had been Rufus, walking here with his arm around Leona. He said, nevertheless, after a moment, “You ought to leave him. You ought to leave town.” “I tell you, Viv, I keep hoping—it’ll all come all right somehow. He wasn’t like this when I met him, he’s not really like this at all. I know he’s not. Something’s got all twisted up in his mind and he can’t help it.” They were standing under a street lamp. Her face was hideous, was unutterably beautiful with grief. Tears rolled down her thin cheeks and she made doomed, sporadic efforts to control the trembling of her little-girl’s mouth. “I love him,” she said, helplessly, “I love him, I can’t help it. No matter what he does to me. He’s just lost and he beats me because he can’t find nothing else to hit.” He pulled her against him while she wept, a thin, tired girl, unwitting heiress of generations of bitterness. He could think of nothing to say. A light was slowly turning on inside him, a dreadful light. He saw—dimly—dangers, mysteries, chasms which he had never dreamed existed. “Here comes a taxi,” he said. She straightened and tried to dry her eyes again. “I’ll come with you,” he said, “and come right back.” “No,” she said, “just give me the keys. I’ll be all right. You go on back to Rufus.” “Rufus said he’d kill me,” he said, half-smiling. The taxi stopped beside them. He gave her his keys. She opened the door, keeping her face away from the driver.

• From Confessions of the Flesh (The History of Sexuality, Vol. 4) (2021)

  also letters IV, 4; XVII, 2.54.Tertullian, De pudicitia, III, 5.55.Ibid., XIII, 7.56.Saint Jerome, letter 77, 4–5.57.Saint Ambrose, De paenitentia, II, X (91).58.Ibid., II, VIII (69).59.Saint Irenaeus, Adversus haereses [I, 6, 3; III, 4, 3].60.Tertullian, De paenitentia, XII.61.Tertullian, De paenitentia, IX, 3–6.62.“[…]ut probent lapsus sui dolorem, ut ostendant verecundiam, ut monstrent humilitatem, ut exhibeant modestiam,” letter to Cyprian, XXXVI, 3.63.“Quaeso vos, fratres, aequiescite salubribus remediis, consiliis obedite melioribus; cum lacrymis nostris vestras lacrymas jungite, cum nostro gemitu vestros gemitus copulate” [“Je vous en prie, mes frères, suivez nos conseils, profitez du remède salutaire. Unissez vos larmes à nos larmes, vos gémissements à nos gémissements,” trans. abbé Thibaut.] [“I beseech you, my brothers, follow our counsel, take advantage of the remedy of salvation. Join your tears to our tears, add your sorrow to our sorrow.”] Saint Cyprian, De lapsis, XXXII, 2.64.Saint Ambrose, De paenitentia, I, V, 22.65.“Confitentur gemitibus, confitentur ejulationibus, confitentur fletibus, confitentur liberis, non coactis vocibus,” ibid., I, V, 24.66.“Sacco corpus involvere, cinere perfundere, macerare jejunio, moerore conficere, multorum precibus adjuvari” [“s’envelopper le corps d’un sac, le couvrir de cendre, le consumer par le jeûne, l’accabler de chagrin, et se faire aider par les prières de beaucoup,” trans. C. Épitalon and M. Lestienne.] [“to clothe the body with sackcloth, to sprinkle it with ashes, to macerate yourselves by fasting, to wear yourselves out with sorrow, to gain the aid of the prayers of many.”] Pacian, Paraenesis, XXIV.67.[Tertullian, De paenitentia, X, 1.]68.On the double meaning of the penitential manifestation, cf. Tertullian: “In humbling a man it exalts him. When it defiles him, he is cleansed. In accusing, it excuses. In condemning, it absolves,” De paenitentia, IX, 6; Saint Cyprian: “let faithful tears be shed from the eyes, that those very eyes which have looked evilly upon idols may wipe out with tears pleasing to God that which they had unlawfully committed,” letter XXXI, 7; Saint Jerome: “What sins would such a penance fail to purge away? What ingrained stains would such tears be unable to wash out?,” letter 77, 4.69.When Saint Cyprian talks about those who have simply “thought” of sacrificing, he mentions the need for them to confess to the priest, then to do an “exomologesis conscientiae” (De lapsis, XXVIII). It seems that this involves an admission and a manifestation of repentance addressed, in private and in secret, directly to God.70.In the middle of the fifth century, Saint Leo condemns the custom of reading in public the list of sins committed by the faithful (letter 168).71.[Saint Ambrose, letter XXXVII, 45.]72.Saint John Chrysostom, [2nd Homily on penance, 1].73.Saint Ambrose, De paradiso, XIV, 71: “non tam majori crimine parricidi […] quam sacrilegii.” Cf. also Saint John Chrysostom, 19th Homily on Genesis.74.Saint Ambrose, Apologia de propheta David, [VIII, 36–39].75.Saint John Chrysostom, 17th Homily on Genesis.76.Cf.

• From Amplified Holy Bible (2015)

  Peace in heaven and glory (majesty, splendor) in the highest [heaven]!” [Ps 118:26 ] 39 Some of the Pharisees from the crowd said to Him, “Teacher, rebuke Your disciples [for shouting these Messianic praises].” 40 Jesus replied, “I tell you, if these [people] keep silent, the stones will cry out [in praise]!” [Hab 2:11 ] 41 As He approached Jerusalem, He saw the city and wept over it [and the spiritual ignorance of its people], 42 saying, “If [only] you had known on this day [of salvation], even you, the things which make for peace [and on which peace depends]! But now they have been hidden from your eyes. 43 “For a time [of siege] is coming when your enemies will put up a barricade [with pointed stakes] against you, and surround you [with armies] and hem you in on every side, [Is 29:3 ; Jer 6:6 ; Ezek 4:2 ] 44 and they will level you to the ground, you [Jerusalem] and your children within you. They will not leave in you one stone on another, all because you did not [come progressively to] recognize [from observation and personal experience] the time of your visitation [when God was gracious toward you and offered you salvation].” Traders Driven from the Temple 45 Jesus went into the temple [enclosure] and began driving out those who were selling, [Matt 21:12 , 13 ; Mark 11:15–17 ; John 2:13–16 ] 46 saying to them, “It is written, ‘M Y HOUSE SHALL BE A HOUSE OF PRAYER ’; but you have made it a ROBBERS’ DEN .” [Is 56:7 ; Jer 7:11 ] 47 He was teaching day after day in the temple [porches and courts]; but the chief priests and scribes and the leading men among the people were seeking [a way] to put Him to death, 48 and they could not find anything that they could do, for all the people [stayed close to Him and] were hanging on to e every word He said. Luke 20 Jesus’ Authority Questioned 1 O N ONE of the days, as Jesus was instructing the people in the temple [area] and preaching the good news (gospel), a the chief priests and the scribes along with the elders confronted Him, [Matt 21:23–27 ; Mark 11:27–33 ] 2 and said to Him, “Tell us by what kind of authority You are doing these things? Or who is the one who gave You this authority?” 3 Jesus replied, “I will also ask you a question. You tell Me: 4 “The baptism of John [the Baptist]—was it from heaven [that is, ordained by God] or from men?” 5 They discussed and debated it among themselves, saying, “If we say, ‘From heaven,’ He will say, ‘Why did you not believe him?’ 6 “But if we say, ‘From men,’ all the people will stone us to death, for they are firmly convinced that John was a prophet.” 7 So they replied that they did not know from where it came.

• From From Jesus to Constantine: A History of Early Christianity (2004)

  The death itself was narrated by the editor. What happened was that they took her and a female slave who was a Christian, a woman named Felicitas, who had just given birth and was still lactating. They stripped them naked, put them in nets, and took them into the arena, but the people saw that there was a young matron, and a slave woman whose breasts were still lactating, and the crowd got upset about this. They wanted them to be dressed. Apparently, the crowds didn’t mind if they were fully dressed and getting mauled by the beasts; they just didn’t want to see them naked and being mauled by the beasts. They dressed them, and let a wild heifer loose onto them, thinking that it would be interesting to have a female beast destroy these females, these women, these female humans. The heifer attacked them, knocked them over, and mauled them, but didn’t kill them. The crowds thought that was enough for one day, and sent them back to jail to bring them out the next day. The next day, they sent out gladiators to kill them. One by one, the gladiators struck them with the sword and killed them, but when the gladiator came up to Perpetua, he apparently tried to stab her, but the sword hit a bone, stopped, and didn’t get to her heart. We're told that Perpetua herself took the gladiator’s hand—it isn’t quite clear whether it was a short sword or a dagger—forced it up to her own throat, and killed herself by thrusting it through her throat, showing that she was in control of her own death, even to the very end. 204 Well, it’s a disturbing account. This was a young woman who had everything ahead of her: Educated, a young mother. Why were Christians like this so willing to die? We have seen other instances: The woman Blandina in the letter of Lyons and Vienne; Polycarp, the aged bishop in Smyrna; now Perpetua in North Africa. They were so firm in refusing to recant, so stalwart in the face of death, so eager to die. What was it that was driving these people to want to escape this world? We can never know, of course, their personal reasons. Even though we have Perpetua’s diary, we don’t really know what was going on inside their minds, but we do have some indications from the writings about them by the Christians who were left behind, concerning why Christians might have preferred public torture and humiliation, and death, to a long life, why they would prefer one to the other.

• From Another Country (1962)

  She rose and returned to the stove and took the rice off the fire and poured it into the collander and ran water over it; put water in the saucepan and put it back on the fire, placing the collander on top of it and covering the rice with a towel. She turned the chops over. Then she sat down. “When we saw Rufus’s body, I can’t tell you. My father stared at it, he stared at it, and stared at it. It didn’t look like Rufus, it was—terrible—from the water, and he must have struck something going down, or in the water, because he was so broken and lumpy—and ugly. My brother. And my father stared at it—at it—and he said, They don’t leave a man much, do they? His own father was beaten to death with a hammer by a railroad guard. And they brought his father home like that. My mother got frightened, she wanted my father to pray. And he said, he shouted it at the top of his lungs, Pray? Who, pray? I bet you, if I ever get anywhere near that white devil you call God, I’ll tear my son and my father out of his white hide! Don’t you never say the word Pray to me again, woman, not if you want to live. Then he started to cry. I’ll never forget it. Maybe I hadn’t loved him before, but I loved him then. That was the last time he ever shouted, he hasn’t raised his voice since. He just sits there, he doesn’t even drink any more. Sometimes he goes out and listens to those fellows who make speeches on 125th Street and Seventh Avenue. He says he just wants to live long enough—long enough——.” Vivaldo said, to break the silence which abruptly roared around them, “To be paid back.” “Yes,” she said. “And I felt that way, too.” She walked over to the stove again. “I felt that I’d been robbed. And I had been robbed—of the only hope I had. By a group of people too cowardly even to know what they had done. And it didn’t seem to me that they deserved any better than what they’d given me. I didn’t care what happened to them, just so they suffered. I didn’t really much care what happened to me. But I wasn’t going to let what happened to Rufus, and what was happening all around me, happen to me. I was going to get through the world, and get what I needed out of it, no matter how.” He thought, Oh, it’s coming now, and felt a strange, bitter relief. He finished his drink and lit another cigarette, and watched her. She looked over at him, as though to make certain that he was still listening. “Nothing you’ve said so far,” he said, carefully, “seems to have much to do with being black. Except for what you make out of it. But nobody can help you there.”