Gratitude

Passages

Every passage tagged with this emotion in the Vela corpus. Search the body text, narrow by source or register, click through to a book’s profile to see how the passage sits with the rest of the work.

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• From The Diary of a Young Girl (The Definitive Edition) (2020)

  always used to bemoan the fact that I couldn’t draw, but now I’m overjoyed that at least I can write. And if I don’t have the talent to write books or newspaper articles, I can always write for myself. But I want to achieve more than that. I can’t imagine having to live like Mother, Mrs. van Daan and all the women who go about their work and are then forgotten. I need to have something besides a husband and children to devote myself to! I don’t want to have lived in vain like most people. I want to be useful or bring enjoyment to all people, even those I’ve never met. I want to go on living even after my death! And that’s why I’m so grateful to God for having given me this gift, which I can use to develop myself and to express all that’s inside me! When I write I can shake off all my cares. My sorrow disappears, my spirits are revived! But, and that’s a big question, will I ever be able to write something great, will I ever become a journalist or a writer? I hope so, oh, I hope so very much, because writing allows me to record everything, all my thoughts, ideals and fantasies. I haven’t worked on “Cady’s Life” for ages. In my mind I’ve worked out exactly what happens next, but the story doesn’t seem to be coming along very well. I might never finish it, and it’ll wind up in the wastepaper basket or the stove. That’s a horrible thought, but then I say to myself, “At the age of fourteen and with so little experience, you can’t write about philosophy.”

• From History of the Christian Church: The Complete Set of Eight Volumes (1858)

  This voluminous author probably lived in Constantinople during the reigns of Leo the Philosopher (886–911) and Constantine Porphyrogenitus (911–959).931 He was the Imperial Secretary, High Chancellor and Master of the Palace. When somewhat advanced in years he was sent by the Emperor Leo on a mission to the Cretan Arabs for the purpose, which was accomplished, of turning them from their proposed campaign against the Thessalonians. It was on this journey that he met on the island of Pharos, an anchorite, who suggested to him the writing of the lives of the saints and martyrs. To this collection Simeon owes his fame.932 He apparently never carried out his original plan, which was to cover the year, for the genuine Lives of his now extant are nearly all of September (the first month of the Greek Church year), October, November and December. The remaining months have very few. But how many he wrote cannot be determined. Allatius credits him with only one hundred and twenty-two. MSS. attributed to him are found in the libraries of Munich, Venice, Florence, Madrid, Paris, London and elsewhere. The character of his work is sufficiently indicated by his epithet Simeon the Paraphraser, given to him because he turned "the ancient lives of the saints into another sort of a style than that wherein they were formerly written."933 He used old material in most cases, and sometimes he did no more than edit it, at other times he re-wrote it, with a view to make it more accurate or attractive. Some of the lives are, however, original compositions. His work is of very unequal value, and as his credulity led him to admit very doubtful matter, it must be used with caution. However, he deserves thanks for his diligence in rescuing from obscurity many now illustrious names. Besides the Lives, nine Epistles, several sermons, orations, hymns, and a canonical epitome bear his name.934 The Simeonis Chronicon is probably the work of a Simeon of the twelfth century. § 147. Oecumenius. I. Oecumenius: Opera omnia, in Migne, Patrol. Gr. Tom. CXVIII., CXIX., col. 726, reprint of ed. of Hentenius. Paris, 1630–31, 2 vols. fol. Ceillier, XII. 913, 914. Oecumenius was bishop of Tricca, in Thessaly, toward the close of the 10th century, and wrote a commentary upon the Acts, the Epistles of Paul and the Catholic Epistles, which is only a catena, drawn from twenty-three Fathers and writers of the Greek Church,935 with an occasional original comment. The work displays taste and judgment. § 148. Theophylact. I. Theophylact: Opera omnia, in Migne, Patrol. Gr. Tom. CXXIII.-CXXVI., reprint of ed. Of de Rubeis. Venice, 1754–63, 4 vols. fol. Du Pin, IX. 108, 109; Neander, III. 584–586; Ceillier, XIII. 554–558.

• From The Diary of a Young Girl (The Definitive Edition) (2020)

  This afternoon, for the first time in ages, Jan gave us some news of the outside world. You should have seen us gathered around him; it looked exactly like a print: “At Grandmother’s Knee.” He regaled his grateful audience with talk of-what else?-food. Mrs. P., a friend of Miep’s, has been cooking his meals. The day before yesterday Jan ate carrots with green peas, yesterday he had the leftovers, today she’s cooking marrowfat peas, and tomorrow she’s plan- ning to mash the remaining carrots with potatoes. We asked about Miep’s doctor. “Doctor?” said Jan. “What doctor? I called him this morning and got his secretary on the line. I asked for a flu prescription and was told I could come pick it up tomor- row morning between eight and nine. If you’ve got a particularly bad case of flu, the doctor himself comes to the phone and says, ‘Stick out your tongue and say “Aah.” Oh, I can hear it, your throat’s infected. I’ll write out a prescription and you can bring it to the phar- macy. Good day.’ And that’s that. Easy job he’s got, diagnosis by phone. But I shouldn’t blame the doctors.” After all, a person has only two hands, and these days there’re too many patients and too few doctors.” Still, we all had a good laugh at Jan’s phone call. I can just imagine what a doctor’s waiting room looks like these days. Doctors no longer turn up their noses at the poorer patients, but at those with minor illnesses. “Hey, what are you doing here?” they think. “Go to the end of the line; real patients have priority!” Yours, Anne THURSDAY, MARCH 16, 1944 Dearest Kitty, The weather is gorgeous, indescribably beautiful; I’ll be going up to the attic in a moment. I now know why I’m so much more restless than Peter.

• From Prayers of the Social Awakening (1910)

  OUR Master, as this day closes and passes from our control, the sense of our shortcomings is quick within us and we seek thy pardon. But since we daily crave thy mercy on our weakness, help us now to show mercy to those who have this day grieved or angered us and to forgive them utterly. Suffer us not to cherish dark thoughts of resentment or revenge. So fill us with thy abounding love and peace that no ill-will may be left in our hearts as we turn to our rest. And if we remember that any brother justly hath aught against us through this day's work, fix in us this moment the firm resolve to make good the wrong and to win again the love of our brother. Suffer us not to darken thy world by love- lessness, but give us the power of the sons of God to bring in the reign of love among men. [34] OUR Father, we thank thee for all the friendly folk who have come into our life this day, gladdening us by their human kindness, and we send them now our parting thoughts of love through thee. We bless thee that we are set amidst this rich brotherhood of kindred life with its mys- terious power to quicken and uplift. Make us eager to pay the due price for what we get by putting forth our own life in whole- some good will and by bearing cheerily the troubles that go with all joys. Above all we thank thee for those who share our higher life, the comrades of our better self, in whose companionship we break the mystic bread of life and feel the glow of thy wonderful presence. Into thy keeping we commit our friends, and pray that we may never lose their love by losing thee. GOD, in whom is neither near nor far, through thee we yearn for those who belong to us and who are not here with us. We would fain be near them to shield them from harm and to touch them with the tenderness of love. We cast our cares for them on thee in this evening hour, l35] and pray thee to do better for them than we could do. May no distance have power to wean their hearts from us and no sloth of ours cause us to lag behind the even pace of growth. In due time restore them to us and gladden our souls with their sweet sight. We remember too the loved ones into whose dear eyes we cannot look again. O God, in whom are both the living and the dead, thou art still their life and Ught as thou art ours. Wherever they be, lay thy hand tenderly upon them and grant that some day we may meet again and hear once more their broken words of love. m m [36] m PRAYER FOR SUNDAY MORNING

• From Prayers of the Social Awakening (1910)

  IN TIME OF TROUBLE OLORD, thou knowest that we are sore stricken and heavy of heart. We beseech thee to uphold us by thy comfort. Thou wert the God of our fathers, and in all these years thine arm has never failed us, for our strength has ever been as our days. May this food come to us as an assurance of thy love and care and a promise of thy sustenance and relief. m FOR THE FATHERHOOD OF GOD THOU great Father of us all, we rejoice that at last we know thee. All our soul within us is glad because we need no longer cringe before thee as slaves of holy- fear, seeking to appease thine anger by sacrifice and self-infiicted pain, but may come like little children, trust- ful and happy, to the God of love. Thou art the only true father, and all the tender beauty of our human loves is the reflected radiance of thy loving kindness, like the moonlight from the sunlight, and testifies to the eternal passion that kindled it. Grant us growth of spiritual vision, that with the passing years we may enter into the fulness of this our faith. Since thou art our Father, may we not hide our sins from thee, but overcome them by the stem comfort of thy presence. By this knowl- edge uphold us in our sorrows and make us patient even amid the unsolved mysteries of the years. Reveal to us the larger good- ness and love that speak through the im- 1 — bending laws of thy world. Through this faith make us the willing equals of all thy other children. As thou art ever pouring out thy life in sacri- ficial father-love, may we accept the eternal law of the cross and give ourselves to thee and to all men. We praise thee for Jesus Christ, whose life has revealed to us this faith and law, and we rejoice that he has become the first-bom among many brethren. Grant that in us, too, the faith in thy fatherhood may shine through all our life with such persuasive beauty that some who still creep in the dusk of fear may stand erect as free sons of God, and that others who now through unbelief are living as orphans in an empty world may stretch out their hands to the great Father of their spirits and find thee near. [46] J]

• From History of the Christian Church: The Complete Set of Eight Volumes (1858)

  In the place of the Church, with its sacraments and priesthood as a saving institution, is put Christ himself as the mediator between the soul and God, and he is offered as within the reach of all. 5. A pure life is taught to be a necessary accompaniment of the higher religious experience, and daily exemplification is demanded of that humility which the Gospel teaches. 6. Another notable feature was their use of the vernacular in sermon and treatise. The mystics are among the very earliest masters of German and Dutch prose. In the Introduction to his second edition of the German Theology, Luther emphasized this aspect of their activity when he said, "I thank God that I have heard and find my God in the German tongue as neither I nor they [the adherents of the old way] have found Him in the Latin and Hebrew tongues." In this regard also the mystics of the fourteenth and fifteenth centuries were precursors of the evangelical movement of the sixteenth century. Their practice was in plain conflict with the judgment of that German bishop who declared that the German language was too barbarous a tongue to be a proper vehicle of religious truth. The religious movement represented by German and Dutch mysticism is an encouraging illustration that God’s Spirit may be working effectually in remote and unthought-of places and at times when the fabric of the Church seems to be hopelessly undermined with formalism, clerical corruption and hierarchical arrogance and worldliness. It was so at a later day when, in the little and remote Moravian town of Herrnhut, God was preparing the weak things of the world, and the things which were apparently foolish, to confound the dead orthodoxy of German Protestantism and to lead the whole Protestant Church into the way of preaching the Gospel in all the world. No organized body survived the mystics along the Rhine, but their example and writings continue to encourage piety and simple faith toward God within the pale of the Catholic and Protestant churches alike. A classification of the German mystics on the basis of speculative and practical tendencies has been attempted, but it cannot be strictly carried out.431 In Eckart and Ruysbroeck, the speculative element was in the ascendant; in Tauler, the devotional; in Suso, the emotional; in Groote and other men of the Lowlands, the practical. § 29. Meister Eckart. Meister Eckart, 1260–1327, the first in the line of the German mystics, was excelled in vigor of thought by no religious thinker of his century, and was the earliest theologian who wrote in German.432 The philosophical bent of his mind won for him from Hegel the title, "father of German philosophy." In spite

• From Prayers of the Social Awakening (1910)

  Strengthen the sense of duty in our political life. Grant that the servants of the state may feel ever more deeply that any diversion of their public powers for private ends is a betrayal of their country. Purge our cities and states and nation of the deep causes of corruption which have so often [75] made sin profitable and uprightness hard. Bring to an end the stale days of party cunning. Breathe a new spirit into all our nation. Lift us from the dust and mire of the past that we may gird ourselves for a new day's work. Give our leaders a new vision of the possible future of our coimtry and set their hearts on fire with large resolves. Raise up a new generation of public men, who will have the faith and daring of the Kingdom of God in their hearts, and who will enlist for life in a holy warfare for the freedom and rights of the people. 11 FOR DOCTORS AND NURSES E praise thee, O Jl ^^^» friends, ^ySJUS^Sl^ll the doctors and nurses, yT^^Arl!*!! ^^^^ healing of our bodies. We bless thee for their gentle- ness and patience, for their knowledge and skill. We remember the hours of our suffering when they brought relief, and the days of our fear and anguish at the bedside of our dear ones when they came as ministers of God to save the life thou hadst given. May we reward their fidelity and devotion by our loving gratitude, and do thou uphold them by the satisfaction of work well done. We rejoice in the tireless daring with which some are now tracking the great slayers of mankind by the white light of science. Grant that under their teaching we may grapple with the sins which have ever dealt death to the race, and that we may so order the life of our communities that none may be doomed to an untimely death for lack of the simple gifts which thou hast given in abimdance. Make thou our doctors Hie [77 prophets and soldiers of thy kingdom, which is the reign of cleanliness and self-restraint and the dominion of health and joyous life. Strengthen in their whole profession the consciousness that their calling is holy and that they, too, are disciples of the saving Christ. May they never through the pressure of need or ambition surrender the sense of a divine mission and become hirelings who serve only for money. Make them doubly faithful in the service of the poor who need their help most sorely, and may the children of the workingman be as precious to them as the child of the rich. Though they deal with the frail body of man, may they have an abiding sense of the eternal value of the life residing in it, that by the call of faith and hope they may summon to their aid the mysterious spirit of man and the powers of thy all-pervading life. [78]

• From Prayers of the Social Awakening (1910)

  GOD, we thank thee for the sweet refreshment of sleep and for the glory and vigor of the new day. As we set our faces once more toward our daily work, we pray thee for the strength sufficient for our tasks. May Christ's spirit of duty and service ennoble all we do. Uphold us by the consciousness that our work is useful work and a blessing to all. If there has been any- thing in our work harmful to others and dis- honorable to ourselves, reveal it to our inner eye with such clearness that we shall hate it and put it away, though it be at a loss to our- selves. When we work with others, help us to regard them, not as servants to our will, but as brothers equal to us in human dignity, and equally worthy of their full reward. May there be nothing in this day's work of which we shall be ashamed when the sim has set, nor in the eventide of our life when our task is done and we go to our long home to meet thy face. [27l UlSli CNCE more a new day lies before us, our Father. As we go out among ^ men to do our work, touching the hands and lives of our fellows, make us, we pray thee, friends of all the world. Save us 1 from blighting the fresh flower of any heart by the flare of sudden anger or secret hate. May we not bruise the rightful self-respect of any by contempt or malice. Help us to ^ cheer the suffering by our sympathy, to freshen the drooping by our hopefuhiess, and I to strengthen in all the wholesome sense of ~ worth and the joy of life. Save us from the I deadly poison of class-pride. Grant that we may look all men in the face with the eyes of a brother. If any one needs us, make us \ ready to yield our help imgrudgingly, unless f higher duties claim us, and may we rejoice that we have it in us to be helpful to our fellow-men. CGOD, we beseech thee to save us this day from the distractions of vanity and the false lure of inordi- nate desires. Grant us the grace of a quiet and humble mind, and may we learn of Jesus to be meek and lowly of heart. May we not [28] join the throng of those who seek after things that never satisfy and who draw others after them in the fever of covetousness. Save us from adding our influence to the drag of temptation. If the fierce tide of greed beats against the breakwaters of our soul, may we rest at peace in thy higher contentment. In the press of life may we pass from duty to duty in tranquillity of heart and spread thy quietness to all who come near.

• From The Erotic Mind (1995)

  MEET THE GROUPOver a period of two years 351 respondents—whom I affectionately call The Group—accepted my invitation to reveal the most intimate details of their eroticism. Collectively, they described 687 memorable encounters and 339 favorite fantasies, for a total of more than 1,000 peak erotic events. Compared to the tens of thousands of respondents who regularly respond to questionnaires in popular magazines, these are obviously small numbers. But the SES is not a typical survey because of the depth of self-disclosure it requests. Instead of learning a little bit about thousands of people, I preferred to learn a great deal about a few hundred.3 Through my analysis I intended to become intimately acquainted with every one of these strangers. Fortunately, The Group is as diverse as I had hoped.* It consists of men and women ranging in age from eighteen to sixty-nine, representing many races, all sexual orientations, and a wide variety of types and frequencies of sexual behavior.4 They differ from the general population primarily in their willingness to write about such matters, as well as their inclination toward introspection, well-developed verbal skills, and relatively high levels of formal education. RECALLING PEAK ENCOUNTERSMost sex surveys are written to benefit the researchers. Although I created the SES to help answer questions that matter to me, from the beginning I wanted the survey to give something back to the respondents. Members of The Group frequently mention how they personally benefited from filling out the SES. I’m also delighted that many therapists now suggest that their clients use the SES as a consciousness-raising tool. To get the most out of this book, I invite you to contemplate the same questions that I asked The Group. You’ll find the SES, along with a simple set of instructions, in the appendix. Consider responding to the entire SES before reading any further to be sure your answers are completely spontaneous. Once you complete the SES you might wish to send me your answers (without your name, of course) so that I can expand my research to a larger population. That decision, clearly, is completely up to you and can be made at any time. If the SES seems a bit daunting just now, an alternative is to take it one step at a time. Start with two key questions about your most memorable real-life encounters: 1. Think back over all your sexual encounters with other people. Allow your mind to focus on two specific encounters that were among the most arousing of your entire life. Describe each of them in as much detail as you wish. 2. What are your ideas about what made each of these encounters so exciting?

• From Prayers of the Social Awakening (1910)

  GOD, we thank thee for this universe, our great home ; for its vast- ness and its riches, and for the manifoldness of the Ufe which teems upon it and of which we are part. We praise thee for the arching sky and the blessed winds, for the driving clouds and the constellations on high. We praise thee for the salt sea and the running water, for the everlasting hills, for the trees, and for the grass under our feet. We thank thee for our senses by which we can see the splendor of the morning, and hear the jubilant songs of love, and smell the breath of the springtime. Grant us, we pray thee, a heart wide open to all this joy and beauty, and save our souls from being so steeped in care or so darkened by passion that we pass heedless and imseeing when even the thorn- bush by the wayside is aflame with the glory of God. Enlarge within us the sense of fellowship with all the living things, our little brothers, to whom thou hast given this earth as their home in common with us. We remember with shame that in ihe past we have exer- cised the high dominion of man with ruthless cruelty, so that the voice of the Earth, which should have gone up to thee in song, has been a groan of travail. May we realize that they live, not for us alone, but for themselves and for thee, and that they love the sweet- ness of life even as we, and serve thee in their place better than we in ours. When our use of this world is over and we make room for others, may we not leave any- thing ravished by our greed or spoiled by our ignorance, but may we hand on our common heritage fairer and sweeter through our use of it, imdiminished in fertility and joy, that so our bodies may return in peace to the great mother who nourished them and our spirits may roimd the circle of a perfect life in thee. [48] FOR CHILDREN WHO WORK

• From The Great Transformation (2006)

  Beneath the barons and officers were the shi, the ordinary gentlemen, who were descendants of the junior branches of the great families and served in the chariot units. The cities had steadily increased their territories over the years, and were becoming substantial principalities. The most important were Song, whose prince claimed descent from the Shang kings and preserved Shang traditions, and Lu, which was passionately loyal to the Zhou rituals. By the end of the eighth century, there would be a dozen of these feudal principalities in the plain. In all these cities, life was entirely dominated by religion. 39 The cult centered on the person of the king, the son of Heaven, who had inherited the mandate and had been born with a magical power, which he transmitted to the feudal lords of the principalities. Like most other religious systems at this time, that of the Chinese was preoccupied with preserving the natural order of the universe by rituals ( li ), which would ensure that human society conformed to the Way ( dao ) of Heaven. The ceremonial actions performed by the king, it was thought, could control the forces of nature and ensure that the seasons followed one another in due succession, rain was sent at the correct time, and the celestial bodies stayed on their prescribed courses. The king was, therefore, a divine figure, because he was the counterpart of the High God on earth. But there was no ontological separation between Heaven and Earth. The Chinese would never be interested in a god who transcended the natural order. Elijah’s experience of a god who was entirely separate from the world would have puzzled them. Heaven and Earth were complementary: divine and equal partners. Heaven, the High God, had humanlike characteristics, but never ac-quired a distinct personality or gender. He did not thunder commands from mountaintops, but ruled through his representatives. Heaven was experienced in the king, the son of Heaven, and the princes, each of whom was the son of Heaven in his own domain. Earth had no human counterpart, but every city had two Earth altars: one south of the palace near the ancestral temple, the other in the southern suburbs, beside the harvest altar. Location was everything in Chinese religion. The position of the Earth altar showed that the cultivation of the soil and the harvesting of crops put people directly into contact with the ancestors, who had tilled the ground before them, and thus established the Way of Heaven. Before and after the harvest, hymns of gratitude were sung around the Earth altar; the Way ( dao ) of Heaven was “delectable,” linking past and present in sacred continuity: It is the glory of the region . . . It is the comfort of the old! It is not just here that things are as they are here! It is not just today that things are as they are today! Among our most ancient forefathers it was so!

• From Prayers of the Social Awakening (1910)

  OGOD, we thank thee for the abun- 1 dance of our blessings, but we pray that our plenty may not involve want for others. Do thou satisfy the desire of every child of thine. Grant that the strength which we shall draw from this food may be put forth again for the common good, and that our life may return to humanity a full equivalent in useful work for the noiuishment which we receive from the common store. [39] W o UR Father, we thaiik thee for the food of our body, and for the human love which is the food of our hearts. Bless our family circle, and make this meal a sacrament of love to all who are gathered at this table. But bless thou too that great family of humanity of which we are but a lit- tle part. Give to all thy children their daily bread, and let our family not enjoy its com- forts in selfish isolation. OLORD, we pray for thy presence at this meal. Hallow all our joys, and if there is anything wanton or imholy in them, open our eyes that we may see. If we have ever gained our bread by injustice, or eaten it in heartlessness, cleanse our life and give us a spirit of humility and love, that we may be worthy to sit at the common table of humanity in the great house of our Father. BEFORE A PARTING GOD, as we break bread once more before we part, we turn to thee with the burden of our desires. Go with him who leaves us and hold him safe. May he feel that we shall not forget him 40 and that his place can never be filled till he returns. Make this meal a sacrament of human love to us, and may our hearts divine the thoughts too tender to be spoken. FOR A FAMILY REUNION LORD, our hearts are full of grati- tude and praise, for after the long days of separation thou hast brought us together again to look into the dear faces and read their love as of old. As the happy memories of the years when we were young together rise up to cheer us, may we feel anew how closely our lives were wrought into one another in their early making, and what a treasure we have had in our home. Whatever new friendships we may form, grant that the old loves may abide to the end and grow ever sweeter with the ripening years. FOR A GUEST UR Father, we rejoice in the guest who sits at meat with us, for our ^ food is the more welcome because he shares it, and our home the dearer be- cause it shelters him. Grant that in the [41] happy exchange of thought and affection we may realize anew that all our gladness comes from the simple fellowship of our human kind, and that we are rich as long as we are loved.

• From History of the Christian Church: The Complete Set of Eight Volumes (1858)

  His eyen stepe and rolling in his head That stemed as a fornice of a led; His botes souple, his hors in gret estat, Now certainly he was a sayre prelat. He was not pale as a forpined gost; A fat swan loved he best of any rost; His palfrey was as broune as is a bery." And yet it would be most unjust to forget the services which the monastery performed at certain periods in the history of mediaeval Europe, or to deny the holy purpose of their founders. The hymns, the rituals, and the manuscripts prepared by mediaeval monks continue to make contribution to our body of literature and our Church services. An age like our own may congratulate itself upon its methods of Church activity, and yet acknowledge the utility of the different methods practised by the Church in another age. We study the movements of the past, not to find fault with methods which the best men of their time advocated and which are not our own, but to learn, and become, if possible, better fitted for grappling with the problems of our own time. § 62. Monasticism and the Papacy. Monasticism and the papacy, representing the opposite extremes of abandonment of the world and lordship over the world, strange to say, entered into the closest alliance. The monks came to be the standing army of the popes, and were their obedient and valorous champions in the battles the popes waged with secular rulers. Some of the best popes were monastic in their training, or their habits, or both. Gregory VII. was trained in the Benedictine convent on the Aventine, Victor III. proceeded from Monte Cassino, Urban II. and Pascal II. from Cluny, Adrian IV. from St. Albans. Eugenius III., the pupil of St. Bernard, continued after he was made pope to wear the shirt of the monks of Citeaux next to his body. Innocent III. wrote the ascetic work, Contempt of the World.575

• From Between Us

  This book was conceived during a 2016–2017 residential fellowship at the Center for Advanced Study in the Behavioral Sciences (CASBS) at Stanford University. I thank the director of the center, Margaret Levi, for hosting me, and my cohort of fellows for the many stimulating discussions on this book and related topics. I am particularly grateful to Kate Zaloom and Sapna Cheryan for our morning writing sessions in which I learned that writing a book works like yoga: you go back to the mat every morning and focus; slight improvements happen. I have continued the practice. The writing of this book was furthermore facilitated by two sabbaticals granted by the University of Leuven (2016–17, 2018–19), by my colleagues’ willingness to step up when I was on sabbatical, and by an ERC-Advanced grant (ERC-ADG 834587) from the European Research Council. I want to thank Lisa Feldmann Barrett, Michael Boiger, Katie Hoemann, Jonathan Janssen, Ann Kring, Will Tiemeijer, Jeanne Tsai, Kaat Van Acker, Colette Van Laar, Kate Zaloom, and the members of the Culture Lab 2020–2021 for reading outlines and earlier versions of this book. I thank Yeasle Lee and Michael Borger for their help with the illustrations of this book. I thank my agent, Max Brockman, for his confidence in me as an author, for helping me further articulate the purpose of the book, and for allowing me to focus on the writing by taking care of all business in the most efficient way possible. I also thank the unsurpassed Tom Verthé, my project manager, for helping me with all the organizational tasks related to this book, and for doing so in good spirit. My gratitude also goes to Melanie Tortoroli, my editor at W. W. Norton. It was she who recognized the potential of my ideas, and it was she who helped to develop these ideas to reach their potential. Her enthusiasm, her vision, and her incisive edits have helped the book along. I learned a lot from her in the process. I am particularly grateful to three scholars, whose close engagement in the writing process made this book possible. Hazel Markus, my mentor and cultural psychologist at Stanford University, sandwiched her critical feedback on every single chapter with love. She encouraged me to reach out to my American audience, and to connect my research with real societal questions and problems. Gert Storms, linguistic psychologist at my own university, read every chapter, offering reassurance in his understated European way, and pointing out my inconsistencies and errors (as Europeans do when they feel close enough to care). Finally, Owen Flanagan, philosopher of mind at Duke University, generously shared his astute mind, his incredible command of the literature, and his wisdom about the process of writing books. Our continued dialogue and friendship sustained me during the writing of this book and gave me confidence.

• From Between Us

  Even if your own way of doing emotions is the acceptable, normative one in a given context, ask yourself if other “dances” can be accommodated. Can we stop leading confidently and then question the other’s capacity to dance just because they do not follow our own dance? Let us explore emotions across cultural boundaries (gender, ethnicity, class, and race) by listening and observing, by closely examining, and by not imposing our ways of understanding emotions as the true or “natural” way. Can our schools, business organizations, and courtrooms become flexible enough to accommodate some different understandings of emotion? This is the challenge and the opportunity for researchers and practitioners in the multicultural present and future. ACKNOWLEDGMENTSThe research and thinking about the topic of Between Us began with my PhD work under emotion psychologist Nico H. Frijda at the University of Amsterdam. At a time when many in the field believed that emotions were universal, Nico questioned the universality thesis. Our many discussions on the role of culture in emotion have kept me honest and helped articulate my views. I still miss his intellect and his friendship, and I owe him much. I thank my lucky stars that I met Hazel Markus during my PhD research. She became my postdoctoral advisor at the University of Michigan and was one of the people to create the discipline of cultural psychology that scaffolded my endeavors. She was also my model for being a woman professor; none of my professors the University of Amsterdam were women. I owe much of my emotional acculturation to Hazel: She helped me navigate the culture of American academics. Her friendship and mentorship have meant the world to me. Throughout my career, I have been fortunate enough to have a peer group of outstanding emotion researchers. My ideas have evolved in dialogue with Lisa Feldmann Barrett, Barb Fredrickson, Sheri Johnson, Ann Kring, and Jeanne Tsai. They have been my sounding board, my support group, and the best friends. I thank them for having contributed to the ideas of this book, for having read parts of earlier drafts, and for setting an example by reaching out to a larger audience and writing their own books. No small part of this book was the product of collaboration. I thank all my collaborators, but special thanks go to Lisa Feldmann Barrett, Phoebe Ellsworth, Ashleigh Haire, Mayumi Karasawa, Shinobu Kitayama, Heejung Kim, Bernard Rimé, and Yukiko Uchida for the dialogue and friendship they have offered. Finally, I thank my colleagues and my students at the Center of Social and Cultural Psychology at the University of Leuven. This book bears the fruits of our everyday research collaboration. I could have never imagined a more collegial, inspiring, and collaborative environment. I particularly thank Michael Boiger, Ellen Delvaux, Jozefien De Leersnyder, Katie Hoemann, Alba Jasini, Alexander Kirchner, Yeasle Lee, Loes Meeussen, Fulya Özcanli, Karen Phalet, Anna Schouten, Kaat Van Acker, and Colette Van Laar. We made this journey together, and I learned so much from you.

• From The Decameron (1353)

  She then settled the brothers and their wives once more in their estates, after which Alessandro and his wife took their leave of all concerned, and, taking Agolante with them, they set out from Florence for Paris, where they were honourably received by the King. From Paris, the two knights went on ahead to England, where they worked on the King to such good effect that he pardoned the princess and gave a magnificent welcome both to her and to his son-in-law, on whom, with great pomp and ceremony, he shortly afterwards conferred a knighthood, creating him Earl of Cornwall 4 for good measure. Being a very astute and capable man, Alessandro brought great benefit to the island by reconciling father and son, consequently winning the affection and gratitude of the entire population. At the same time, Agolante recovered all their money down to the last penny, and returned to Florence immensely rich, having first been given a knighthood by Earl Alessandro. As for the Earl, he lived a life of great renown with his lady. Indeed, there are those who maintain that, partly through his own ability and intelligence, and partly with the help of his father-in-law, he later conquered Scotland 5 and was crowned her king.

• From A Way of Being (1980)

  genuineness, an acceptance or prizing of the other—when they are present in a relationship make for good communication and for constructive change in personality. But I feel that, somehow, research evidence is out of place in a talk such as I have been giving. I want to close instead with two statements drawn again from an intensive group experience. This was a one-week workshop, and the two statements I am quoting were written a number of weeks later by two members of the workshop. We had asked each individual to write about his current feelings and to address this to all the members of the group. The first statement is written by a man who tells of the fact that he had some rather difficult experiences immediately after the workshop, including spending time with a father-in-law who doesn’t care much about me as a person but only in what I concretely accomplish. I was severely shaken. It was like going from one extreme to another. I again began to doubt my purpose and particularly my usefulness. But time and again I would hearken back to the group, to things you’ve said or done that gave me a feeling that I do have something to offer— that I don’t have to demonstrate concretely to be worthwhile—and this would even the scale and lift me out of my depression. I have come to the conclusion that my experiences with you have profoundly affected me, and I am truly grateful. This is different from personal therapy. None of you had to care about me, none of you needed to seek me out and let me know of things you thought would help me, none of you had to let me know that I was of help to you—yet you did, and as a result, it has far more meaning than anything I have so far experienced. When I feel the need to hold back and not live spontaneously, for whatever reason, I remember that twelve persons, just like these before me, said to let go and be congruent, to be myself, and of all unbelievable things, they even loved me more for it. This has given me the courage to come out of myself many times since then. Often it seems, my very doing of this helps the others to experience similar freedom. I have also been able to let others into my life more—to let them care for me and to receive their warmth. I remember the time in our group encounter when this change occurred. It felt like I had removed long-standing barriers—so much so that I deeply felt a new experience of openness toward you. I didn’t have to be afraid, I didn’t have to fight or fearfully pull away from the freedom this offered my own impulses—I could just be and let you be with me.

• From Cultish (2021)

  By marinating in this specific, thematic vernacular every day for years, followers began to picture life on that spacecraft, drifting toward the Kingdom of God. “It was doing real religious work,” said Zeller. “It wasn’t just gobbledygook.” On the day of their suicide, the Away Team was not only at peace with their imminent graduation, they were giddy about it. You can see it yourself in the “Exit Statements,” a series of goodbye interviews Applewhite’s disciples filmed in the hours preceding the suicide and published on their website. (I found the clips edited together on YouTube.) In these tapes, Heaven’s Gate members all sport the same centimeter-long crew cuts, billowy tunics, and placid expressions, backdropped by an idyllic outdoor setting. Birds chirp perversely offscreen. For the camera, followers reflect on their experiences in Heaven’s Gate and justify why they’re ready to enter the next level, seeming not fearful or confused, but genuinely, gleefully committed to their plan. “I just want to . . . say how grateful and thankful I am to be in this class,” a camera-shy newer recruit tells the lens, “and to thank my Older Member Do and his Older Member Ti for . . . offering us the chance to overcome this world and . . . to enter the true Kingdom of God, the evolutionary level above human, and become a next-level member.” Nearly a week after these videos were recorded, police found all thirty-nine members’ bodies, including Applewhite’s, neatly posed—and decomposing—in their bunk beds. Each was dressed in an identical uniform: black sweat suit, fresh black-and-white Nike Decades, and an armband patch reading “Heaven’s Gate Away Team.” Members’ pockets each contained a precise sum of cash: one $5 bill and three quarters (“toll money,” apparently). Purple shrouds cloaked each body’s torso and face. Jonestown and Heaven’s Gate were entirely unrelated groups whose members shared almost nothing in terms of politics, religion, age, race, and general life experience. The worlds each leader concocted for their followers were very different, and so, too, was the rhetoric that narrated them. But these groups’ grotesque codas placed them in the same unique genre of cult, garnering worldwide fascination from scholars, reporters, artists, and everyday onlookers, desperate to understand how someone could become so “brainwashed” that they’d take their own life. Finally, an answer . . . iii. Within and outside cultish environments, language can accomplish real, life-or-death work. Volunteering at a youth suicide lifeline, I learned firsthand that when used in a certain carefully considered manner, speech can help someone not die.

• From A Way of Being (1980)

  know then, however, how valuable this experience would be to me later as an adult in a society that I took for granted as all being, thinking, acting and feeling free. You inspired in me years ago the freedom to feel, to touch, to reach out and be honest. I thank you for that courage and for the freedom it has been able to bring out in others that I meet as well. The challenge is great each day—in fact, I long for some encounter experience with you again—are you ever in this area? My love I send to you and my hope that you are well. Peace be with you, Ann If evidence is needed of the importance of even a brief relationship that is real, caring, and understanding, this is the kind of experience that provides such evidence. 5. THE SECURITY GUARD The security guard at the side door of the Dental Building, where we held our workshop all day Saturday and Sunday, was a friendly and helpful chap. We inquired his name; it was Herman. Herman was required to sit at the door all the time, except when relieved briefly by a friend. He was in sight of the registration desk, where Bernice, with her unusual memory for names, sat and greeted the participants, checked off their names, and engaged in a brief conversation with every one, some of whom she knew from last summer’s workshop, while others she knew slightly from phone conversations. He saw the people as they came in on Saturday morning, left to and returned from meals, left at night; then, he saw them repeat the same process on Sunday. He doubtless saw our brochure, posted near the elevator, which described our purpose and gave Bernice’s phone number. But our workshop was two floors above, and he never so much as saw the whole group of more than one hundred people together in the room. So it was more than a bit of a surprise when, on the following Friday at 6:00 p.m., Bernice’s phone rang. This is an approximation of the dialogue that followed:

• From A Way of Being (1980)

  First and overwhelmingly foremost are my clients in therapy and the persons with whom I have worked in groups. The gold mine of data that resides in interviews or group sessions staggers me. There is, first of all, the gut-level experience, which absorbs the statements, the feelings, and the gestures, providing its own complex type of learning, difficult to put into words. Then there is the listening to the interchanges in the tape recording. Here are the orderly sequences that were missed in the flow of the experience. Here, too, are the nuances of inflection, the half-formed sentences, the pauses, and the sighs, which were also partially missed. Then, if a transcript is laboriously produced, I have a microscope in which I can see, as I termed them in one paper, “the molecules of personality change.” I know of no other way of combining the deepest experiential learning with the most highly abstract cognitive and theoretical learnings than the three steps I have mentioned: living the experience on a total basis, rehearing it on an experiential-cognitive basis, and studying it once more for every intellectual clue. As I said earlier, this type of interview is perhaps the most valuable and transparent window into the strange inner world of persons and relationships. I feel that if I subtracted from my work the learnings I have gained from deep relationships with clients and group participants, I would be nothing. Younger Colleagues The second most important source of stimulation for me is my symbiotic relationship with younger people. I do not understand this mutual attraction. I just feed upon it. In my youth I surely learned many things from my elders, and at times I have even learned from colleagues in my own age bracket, but certainly for the last thirty-five years any real learnings from professional sources have come from those who were younger. I feel a deep gratitude to all the graduate students, younger staff members, and inquiring youthful audiences who have educated and continue to educate me. I know that for many years, given the chance to associate with professional colleagues of my age, or with a younger group, I inevitably drift to the latter. They seem less stuffy, less defensive, more open in their criticism, more creative in suggestion. I owe them so much. I started to write down examples, but to give a few would be unfair to the hundreds who have so freely contributed their ideas and their feelings in a relationship which has also lighted sparks of creative thinking in me. They have excited me, and I have excited them. It has, I hope, been a fair exchange, though I often feel I have gained more than I have given. I feel a great pity for those persons I know who are growing into old age without the continuing stimulation of younger minds and younger lifestyles. Scholarly Reading