Gratitude

Passages

Every passage tagged with this emotion in the Vela corpus. Search the body text, narrow by source or register, click through to a book’s profile to see how the passage sits with the rest of the work.

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• From Best Erotica & Sexual Deviance Narratives Ever Written (2024)

  And Monsieur de Corville gave a brief account of what he had just done. "Dearly beloved and respectable man," said Madame de Lorsange, casting herself down before her lover, "this is the most splendid gesture you have performed in your life, it is such as comes from one who has true acquaintance with the human heart and the spirit of the law which is the avenger of oppressed innocence. There she stands, Monsieur, behold, there is your captive; go, Therese, go, run, fly at once and kneel down before this equitable protector who will not, as have all others, abandon you. O, Monsieur, if those attachments of love which have bound me to you have been cherished, how much more so are they to become now that they are strengthened by the most tender esteem...." And one after the other the two women embraced the knees of a so generous friend, and upon him they did shed their tears. A few hours later they arrived at the chateau; once there, Monsieur de Corville and Madame de Lorsange both strove with might and main to raise Therese from the ultimate deeps of unhappiness to the pure sunshine of contentment and well-being. They took greatest joy in giving her to eat of the most succulent foods, they laid her to sleep in the finest of beds, they did urge her to command and they made her will to be done, and into their hospitable proceedings they introduced all the gentility and understanding it were possible to expect from two sensitive souls. She was given medicines for several days, she was bathed, dressed, arrayed in elegant attire, embellished, the two lovers worshiped her, each labored at nothing but to make her forget her sorrows as quickly as might be. An excellent surgeon was fetched; he undertook to make the ignominious mark disappear, and soon the cruel result of Rodin's villainy was effectively gone; and everything responded to the cares her benefactors lavished upon Therese: the shadowed memories of misery were already effaced from that amiable girl's brow; already the Graces had re-established their empire thereupon. For the livid tints on her cheeks of alabaster were substituted the rosy hue appropriate to her years; what had been withered by such a multitude of griefs was called back to fresh new life. Laughter, for so many years banished from her lips, reappeared again under the wings of Pleasure. The very best news came from the Court; Monsieur de Corville had put all of France in action, he had reanimated the zeal of Monsieur S* * *, who collaborated with him to publicize Therese's illtreatment and to restore her to a tranquillity to which she was so heavily entitled.

• From Best Erotica & Sexual Deviance Narratives Ever Written (2024)

  Still having the simplicity to believe that a soul enchained by indebtedness ought to be eternally beholden to me, I judge it safe to enjoy the sweet pleasure of sharing my tears with him who has just shed some in my arms: I instruct him of my numerous reverses, he listens with interest, and when I have concluded with the latest catastrophe that has befallen me, the recital provides him with a glimpse of my poverty. "How happy I am," he exclaims, "to be able at least to acknowledge all you have just done for me; my name is Roland," the adventurer continues, "I am the owner of an exceedingly fine chateau in the mountains fifteen leagues hence, I that this proposal cause your delicacy no alarm, I am going to explain immediately in what way you will be of service to me. I am unwedded, but I have a sister I love passionately: she has dedicated herself to sharing my solitude; I need someone to wait upon her; we have recently lost the person who held that office until now, I offer her post to you." I thanked my protector and took the liberty to ask him how it chanced that a man such as he exposed himself to the dangers of journeying alone, and, as had just occurred, to being molested by bandits. "A stout, youthful, and vigorous fellow, for several years," said Roland, "I have been in the habit of traveling this way between the place where I reside and Vienne. My health and pocketbook benefit from walking. It is not that I need avoid the expense of a coach, for I am wealthy, and you will soon see proof of it if you are good enough to return home with me; but thriftiness never hurts. men who insulted me a short while ago, they are two would-be gentlemen of this canton from whom I won a hundred louis last week in a gaming house at Vienne; I was content to accept their word of honor, then I met them today, asked for what they owe me, and you witnessed in what coin they paid me." Together with this man I was deploring the double misfortune of which he was the victim when he proposed we continue our way.

• From Best Erotica & Sexual Deviance Narratives Ever Written (2024)

  Fifty thousand crowns was the Marquise's revenue, and young Monsieur de Bressac was its sole heir. All efforts to induce him to find a profession or an occupation had failed; he could not adapt himself to whatever diverted his attentions from libertinage. The Marquise passed three months of the year's twelve in the country; the rest of the time she lived in Paris; and these three months which she required her nephew to spend with her, were a kind of torture for a man who hated his aunt and considered as wasted every moment he passed outside the city which was the home of his pleasures. The young Count bade me relate to the Marquise the matter with which I had just made him acquainted, and as soon as I was done: "Your candor and naivete," Madame de Bressac said to me, "do not permit me to think you untruthful. I will inquire after no other information save what will authorise me to believe you are really the daughter of the man you indicate; if it is so, then I knew your father, and that will be one more reason to take an interest in you. As for the du Harpin affair, I will assume responsibility for settling it with two visits paid to the Chancellor; he has been my friend for ages. In all the world there is no man of greater integrity; we have but to prove your innocence to him: all the charges leveled against you will crumble and be withdrawn. But consider well, Therese: what I promise you now will not be yours save at the price of flawless conduct; thus, you see that the effects of the gratitude I require will always redound to your profit."

• From Best Erotica & Sexual Deviance Narratives Ever Written (2024)

  He knew not in what terms to express his thanks; but we had no time to talk; it was a question of flight. With a dextrous movement, I retrieve the pocketbook, return it to him, and treading softly we walk through the copse, leaving the horse for fear the sound of his hoofs might rouse the men; with all possible dispatch we reach the path which is to lead us out of the forest. We had the good luck to be out of it by daybreak, without having been followed by anyone; before ten o'clock we were in Luzarches and there, free from all anxiety, we thought of nothing but resting ourselves . There are moments in life when one finds that despite one's riches, which may be great, one nevertheless lacks what is needed to live; such was Saint-Florent's case: five hundred thousand francs might be awaiting him in Paris, but he now had not a coin on his person; mindful of this, he paused before entering the inn.... "Be easy, Monsieur," I said upon perceiving his embarrassment, "the thieves have not left me without money, here are twenty louis, take them, please, use them, give what remains to the poor; nothing in the world could make me want to keep gold acquired by murder." Saint-Florent, whose refinements of character I at the time did not exactly appreciate, was absolutely unwilling to accept what I tendered him; he asked me what my expectations were, said he would make himself bound to fulfill them, and that he desired nothing but the power to acquit himself of his indebtedness to me. "It is to you I owe my life and fortune, Therese," he added, kissing my hands, "I can do no better than to lay them both at your feet; receive them, I beseech you, and permit the God of marriage to tighten the knots of friendship." I know not whether it was from intuition or chilliness of temper, but I was so far from believing that what I had done for the young man could motivate such sentiments as these he expressed for me, that I allowed him to read in my countenance the refusal I dared not articulate; he understood, insisted no further, and limited himself to asking what he could do for me.

• From Going Clear (2013)

  Miscavige purchased another Excursion for Cruise to replace the one that had been botched. Meanwhile, Brousseau spent the next six months personally rebuilding the original Excursion. He ripped the vehicle down to its frame and installed handmade reclining seats and wood paneling fashioned from a burl of a eucalyptus tree that had been toppled in a storm. He spent about two thousand hours on the project. The materials were paid for by Cruise’s production company, but according to Brousseau, his labor, and that of about ten other Sea Org members, was not compensated. “ It was a half-million-dollar beauty all done by me, with other folks from Scientology,” Brousseau said. Brousseau had even carved a matching Montblanc pen out of the burl, its own hidden storage case in the vehicle. When Cruise showed it to Katie, she was dazzled. She turned to Brousseau and asked, “ Oh, J.B., did you make that?” “Don’t thank me,” Brousseau quickly responded. “I’m just the hammer. This—,” he said, pointing to Miscavige, “is the hand that wields me.” Cruise, who became a pilot while filming Top Gun , keeps a hangar at an airport in Burbank for his airplane collection. Sea Org members completely renovated the hangar, installing a luxurious office that had been fabricated at Golden Era Productions. Brousseau says that the furniture—a dry bar, table and chairs, desks, et cetera—was milled at an RPF base in Los Angeles. Brousseau took dozens of photographs documenting his handiwork on the star’s behalf. No member of the Sea Org has spent more time in Cruise’s service than Tommy Davis, who was viewed within the church as the star’s special handler and personal assistant. Although Davis maintains that he provided similar services for other celebrities, his assignment to Cruise was his primary duty between 2000 and 2004. However, he asserted, “ None of the Church staff involved were coerced in any way to assist Mr. Cruise. Church staff, and indeed Church members, hold Mr. Cruise in very high regard and are honored to assist him.” IN JUNE 2006, Shelly Miscavige disappeared. She had spent her whole life conveying orders and gathering intelligence for a powerful, erratic, domineering church leader, first for Hubbard and then for her husband. She and Miscavige were always respectful toward each other in public, if not openly affectionate. As he gained power within the church, she began to see the two of them as reincarnations of Simón Bolívar and Manuela Sáenz, and the lesson she drew from that previous existence was that she needed to be fiercely protective of her mate, and to keep him from making the kinds of mistakes that his character was destined to commit. In the eyes of some Sea Org members, Shelly was brittle and imperious, but Rathbun noted that she sometimes objected when Miscavige’s physical assaults threatened to get out of hand. No one else did.

• From Best Erotica & Sexual Deviance Narratives Ever Written (2024)

  I said to myself as we entered, "'tis then the scaffold destiny holds for me in this city wherein I wildly fancied my happiness was to be born.... Oh! how deceived is man by his intuitions!" The court was not long tarrying over the counterfeiters' case; they were all sentenced to the gallows; when the mark that branded me was detected, they scarcely gave themselves the trouble of interrogating me and I was about to be hanged along with the others when I made a last effort to obtain some pity from that famous magistrate who proved to be an honor to his tribunal, a judge of integrity, a beloved citizen, an enlightened philosopher whose wisdom and benevolence will grave his name for all time in letters of gold upon Themis' temple. He listened to me; convinced of my good faith and the authenticity of my wretched plight, he deigned to give my case a little more attention than his cohorts saw fit to lavish upon it.... O great man, 'tis to thee I owe an homage: a miserable creature's gratitude would not sit onerously with thee and the tribute she offers thee, by publishing abroad thy goodness of heart, will always be her sweetest joy. Monsieur S*** himself became my advocate; my testimony was heard, and his male eloquence illumined the mind of the court. The general depositions of the false coiners they were going to execute fortified the zeal of the man who had the kindness to take an interest in me: I was declared an unwilling party to crime, innocent, and fully acquitted of all charges, was set at complete liberty to become what I wished; to those services my protector added a collection he had taken for my relief, and it totaled more than fifty louis; I began to see a dawning of happiness at last; my presentiments seemed finally about to be realized and I thought I had reached an end of my tribulations when it pleased Providence to convince me they were still far from their definitive cessation. Upon emerging from jail I took up lodgings at an inn facing the Isere bridge on the side of the faubourgs where, I had been assured, I might find proper quarters.

• From Best Erotica & Sexual Deviance Narratives Ever Written (2024)

  Cole. I was scarce, however, well warm in my new abode, when going out one morning pretty early to enjoy the freshness of it, in the pleasing outlet of the fields, accompanied only by a maid, whom I had newly hired, as we were carelessly walking among the trees, we were alarmed with the noise of a violent coughing: turning our heads towards which, we distinguished a plain well dressed elderly gentleman, who, attacked with a sudden fit, was so much overcome, as to be forced to give way to it and sit down at the foot of a tree, where he seemed suffocating with the severity of it, being perfectly black in the face; not less moved than frightened with which, I flew on the instant to his relief, and using the rote of practice I had observed on the like occasion, I loosened his cravat and clapped him on the back; but whether to any purpose, or whether the cough had had its course, I know not, but the fit immediately went off; and now recovered to his speech and legs, he returned me thanks with as much emphasis as if I had saved his life. This naturally engaging a conversation, he acquainted me where he lived, which was at a considerable distance from where I met him, and where he had strayed insensibly on the same intention of a morning walk. He was, as I afterwards learned in the course of the intimacy which this little accident gave birth to, an old bachelor, turned of sixty, but of a fresh vigorous complexion, insomuch that he scarce marked five and forty, having never racked his constitution by permitting his desires to over-tax his ability.

• From Best Erotica & Sexual Deviance Narratives Ever Written (2024)

  Questioned upon his motive for traveling alone and for being so early abroad, upon his age, his profession, the rider answered that his name was Saint-Florent, one of the most important merchants of Lyon, that he was thirty-six years old, that he was on his way back from Flanders where he had been concerned with affairs relative to his business, that he had not much hard money upon his person, but many securities. He added that his valet had left him the preceding day and that, to avoid the heat, he was journeying at night with the intention of reaching Paris the next day, where he would secure a new domestic, and would conclude some of his transactions; that, moreover, he was following an unfamiliar road, and, apparently, he must have lost his way while dozing on his horse. And having said that, he asked for his life, in return offering all he possessed. His purse was examined, his money was counted, the prize could not have been better. Saint-Florent had near unto a half a million, payable upon demand at the capital, had also a few gems and about a hundred gold louis.... "Friend," said Coeur-de-fer, clapping his pistol to Saint-Florent's nose, "you understand, don't you, that after having robbed you, we cannot leave you alive." "Oh Monsieur," I cried, casting myself at the villain's feet, "I beseech you not to present me the horrible spectacle, upon my reception into your band, of this poor man's death; allow him to live, do not refuse me this first request I ask of you." And quickly resorting to a most unusual ruse, in order to justify the interest I appeared to take in the captive: "The name Monsieur has just given himself," I added with warmth, "causes me to believe we are nearly related. Be not astonished, Monsieur," I went on, now addressing the voyager, "be not at all surprised to find a kinsman in these circumstances; I will explain it all to you. In the light of this," I continued, once again imploring our chief, "in the light of this, Monsieur, grant me the unlucky creature's life, I will show my gratitude for the favor by the completest devotion to ail that will be able to serve your interests." "You know upon what conditions I can accord you what you ask, Therese," Coeur-de-fer answered; "you know what I demand from you..." "Ah, very well, Monsieur, I will do everything," I cried, throwing myself between SaintFlorent and our leader, who was still about to kill him.

• From Best Erotica & Sexual Deviance Narratives Ever Written (2024)

  I cast myself at the Marquise's feet, assured her she would be contented with me; with great kindness she raised me up and upon the spot gave me the post of second chambermaid in her service. At the end of three days, the information Madame de Bressac had sought from Paris arrived; it corresponded with what I desired; the Marquise praised me for having in no wise imposed upon her, and every thought of unhappiness vanished from my mind, to be replaced by nothing but hope for the sweetest consolations it was permitted me to expect; but it did not consort with the designs of Heaven that the poor Therese should ever be happy, and if fortuitously there were born unto her some few moments of calm, it was only to render more bitter those of distress that were to succeed them. We were no sooner arrived in Paris than Madame de Bressac hastened to work in my behalf: the first president judge wished to see me, he heard with interest the tale of my misfortunes; du Harpin's calumnies were recognized, but it was in vain they undertook to punish him; having made a great success of trafficking in counterfeit banknotes, whereby he ruined three or four families, and whence he amassed nearly two millions, he had just removed to England; as regarded the burning of the Palace prisons, they were convinced that although I had profited from the event, I was in no way to blame for causing it and the case against me was dropped, the officiating magistrates being agreed, so I was assured, that there was no need to employ further formalities; I asked no questions, I was content to learn what I was told, and you will see shortly whether I was mistaken. You may readily imagine that as a consequence of what she did for me, I became very fond of Madame de Bressac; had she not shown me every kindness as well, had not such steps as those she had taken obligated me forever to this precious protectress? However, it was by no means the young Count's intention that I become so intimately attached to his aunt.... But this seems the moment for a portrait of the monster. Monsieur de Bressac had the charms of youth and the most attractive countenance too; if there were some defects in his figure or his features, it was because they had a rather too pronounced tendency toward that nonchalance, that softness which properly belongs only to women; it seemed that, in lending him the attributes of the feminine sex, Nature had introduced its tastes into him as well.... Yet what a soul lurked behind those effeminate graces!

• From Between Us

  Can you find a dance that accommodates both? Can you end the emotional episode in a way that is right by both perspectives? Even if your own way of doing emotions is the acceptable, normative one in a given context, ask yourself if other “dances” can be accommodated. Can we stop leading confidently and then question the other’s capacity to dance just because they do not follow our own dance? Let us explore emotions across cultural boundaries (gender, ethnicity, class, and race) by listening and observing, by closely examining, and by not imposing our ways of understanding emotions as the true or “natural” way. Can our schools, business organizations, and courtrooms become flexible enough to accommodate some different understandings of emotion? This is the challenge and the opportunity for researchers and practitioners in the multicultural present and future. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS THE RESEARCH AND THINKING ABOUT THE TOPIC OF BETWEEN US began with my PhD work under emotion psychologist Nico H. Frijda at the University of Amsterdam. At a time when many in the field believed that emotions were universal, Nico questioned the universality thesis. Our many discussions on the role of culture in emotion have kept me honest and helped articulate my views. I still miss his intellect and his friendship, and I owe him much. I thank my lucky stars that I met Hazel Markus during my PhD research. She became my postdoctoral advisor at the University of Michigan and was one of the people to create the discipline of cultural psychology that scaffolded my endeavors. She was also my model for being a woman professor; none of my professors the University of Amsterdam were women. I owe much of my emotional acculturation to Hazel: She helped me navigate the culture of American academics. Her friendship and mentorship have meant the world to me. Throughout my career, I have been fortunate enough to have a peer group of outstanding emotion researchers. My ideas have evolved in dialogue with Lisa Feldmann Barrett, Barb Fredrickson, Sheri Johnson, Ann Kring, and Jeanne Tsai. They have been my sounding board, my support group, and the best friends. I thank them for having contributed to the ideas of this book, for having read parts of earlier drafts, and for setting an example by reaching out to a larger audience and writing their own books. No small part of this book was the product of collaboration. I thank all my collaborators, but special thanks go to Lisa Feldmann Barrett, Phoebe Ellsworth, Ashleigh Haire, Mayumi Karasawa, Shinobu Kitayama, Heejung Kim, Bernard Rimé, and Yukiko Uchida for the dialogue and friendship they have offered. Finally, I thank my colleagues and my students at the Center of Social and Cultural Psychology at the University of Leuven.

• From Best Erotica & Sexual Deviance Narratives Ever Written (2024)

  Fifty thousand crowns was the Marquise's revenue, and young Monsieur de Bressac was its sole heir. All efforts to induce him to find a profession or an occupation had failed; he could not adapt himself to whatever diverted his attentions from libertinage. The Marquise passed three months of the year's twelve in the country; the rest of the time she lived in Paris; and these three months which she required her nephew to spend with her, were a kind of torture for a man who hated his aunt and considered as wasted every moment he passed outside the city which was the home of his pleasures. The young Count bade me relate to the Marquise the matter with which I had just made him acquainted, and as soon as I was done: "Your candor and naivete," Madame de Bressac said to me, "do not permit me to think you untruthful. I will inquire after no other information save what will authorise me to believe you are really the daughter of the man you indicate; if it is so, then I knew your father, and that will be one more reason to take an interest in you. As for the du Harpin affair, I will assume responsibility for settling it with two visits paid to the Chancellor; he has been my friend for ages. In all the world there is no man of greater integrity; we have but to prove your innocence to him: all the charges leveled against you will crumble and be withdrawn. But consider well, Therese: what I promise you now will not be yours save at the price of flawless conduct; thus, you see that the effects of the gratitude I require will always redound to your profit."

• From Going Clear (2013)

  I have no doubt that they will quarrel with the results, but the book is more accurate because of their participation, however reluctant that might have been. Initially, Davis permitted me to speak with several active members of the church, but the door closed on that opportunity. I was never allowed to talk to David Miscavige or any of the upper-tier executives I requested. (As I would learn, many of them were sequestered and not available in any case.) A reporter can only talk to people who are willing to talk to him; whatever complaints the church may have about my reporting, many limitations can be attributed to its decision to restrict my interactions with people who might have provided more favorable testimony. Robert Jay Lifton did me the honor of reading this book in manuscript and providing his insights, especially on the issue of thought reform. R. Scott Appleby helped me place Scientology in the context of other world religions. My friend Stephen Harrigan also commented on an early draft, as he has done on many occasions. A writer depends on such willing friends. My editor at Knopf, Ann Close, has been through five books with me—a marvelous relationship that has now spanned a quarter of a century. For this book, the Knopf team labored under a stressful deadline, and I would like to acknowledge the extraordinary efforts of Anke Steinecke, legal counsel; Katherine Hourigan, the managing editor; Paul Bogaards, the director of publicity; Kim Thornton, the publicist for this book; Kevin Bourke, the production editor; Claire Bradley Ong, the production manager; and Cassandra Pappas, the designer. I also thank my agent, Andrew Wylie, for his sage counsel. When I began writing the book, I hired two young and talented fact-checkers, Axel Gerdau and Lauren Wolf. They were both interested in long-form journalism, and I thought I might be able to teach them something about that; so, one evening a week, I held a class for them, in which the text was the unwritten book we were working on. Axel and Lauren were immediately plunged into the recondite world of Scientology, but they adroitly managed to negotiate the language and the thinking. After Axel went on to other pursuits, Lauren remained as my research assistant. The book has gained immeasurably from her curiosity and doggedness, as well as her natural human sympathy—qualities that will certainly ensure her future career and reward those who have the good fortune to enjoy her company. As usual, I owe special thanks to my wife, Roberta, who has once again set aside many anxieties to support my work. NotesINTRODUCTION 1 8 million members: Interview with Tommy Davis, the former chief spokesperson for the Church of Scientology International.

• From Mud Vein (2014)

  Who would have thought that day that I was running out of the woods, I was running straight into the arms of my savior? Right out of an ugly life that had me conquered. I did not choose you, and you did not choose me. Something else chose for us. The snow covered me, and you covered me, and in that house—in pain, and cold, and hunger—I accepted unconditional love. You are my truth, Isaac, and you set me free. We are all going to die, but I’m going to die first. In the very last second of my life, I will think of you. Senna [image file=ack.jpg] I guess I should start at the beginning. In 2012 Nate Sabin met me for the first time and called me, Mud Vein. After my initial shock receded, I realized that Nate was right; I did have a mud vein. It’s my defining feature. Being that this book is dedicated to his wife, I’ll just go ahead and thank the Sabin’s for being the type of people who inspire me and call me out on my shit. My dad, who has leukemia and is not afraid of anything. Thanks for the fearless gene. P.s. Sorry I have so many tattoos. I hope I can still go to Heaven. Cindy Fisher, the best mother in the world. Our mansions will all sit in the shadow of yours. Stephen King, thank you for teaching me how to write. You’re a goddam genius. My friend and assistant, Serena Knautz, you are shrewd as a snake and harmless as a dove. You put love into action. I adore you. Sarah Hansen of Okay Creations, you are a true artist. This is the most beautiful cover I have ever seen. The vision was all you. Marie Piquette, my editor, I, am, sorry, I, use, so, many, comma’s. Christine Estevez for always being on my team. The blogging Jedi: Molly Harper of Tough Critic Book Reviews, Aestas Book Blog, Maryse’s Book Blog, Vilma’s Book Blog, Bec’s of Sinfully Sexy Book Reviews, Madison Says Book Blog and Shh Mom’s Reading Book Blog. Each of you gives blogging a different flavor. I appreciate each one of your voices and the time you take promoting my books. Vilma, that was the most beautiful review I’ve ever read. I’d also like to thank Madison Seidler, Luisa Hansen, Yvette Huerta, Rebecca Espinoza and my little Nina Gomez for their input and friendship. Jonathan Rodriguez for assuring me every day that I’m a genius (even though I can’t do fractions). Tosha Khoury, I am so blessed to have you. You get me. You get what I write. I don’t know anyone who believes in my books more than you. Amy Tannenbaum, my tiny, tough, agent.

• From Between Us

  I thank my parents for teaching me the vital importance of accommodating a diversity of perspectives. Their personal histories showed me that intolerance can kill, and they carried the value of tolerance close at heart, practicing what they preached. I thank them for encouraging me to be an independent, critical thinker. I would have liked to show my dad, Albert Gomes de Mesquita, “that book of yours”; he did not live to see it. I thank my mom, Lien de Jong, for her sustained support, her unconditional love, her interest and involvement in the book, and for showing vicarious pride. I thank my family and close friends for having been not only supportive and curious, but also patient during the writing of this book. I specifically thank Mat Aguilar, Ton Broeders, Sytse Carlé, Waldo Carlé, Ulli D’Oliveira, Debbie Goldstein, Daniël Gomes de Mesquita, Diane Griffioen, Mieke Hulens, Roos Kroon, Renée Lemieux, Arjeh Mesquita, Ada Odijk, Jacqueline Peeters, Reshmaa Selvakumar, Paul Van Hal, Ewald Verfaillie, Michael Zajonc, Daisy Zajonc, Donna Zajonc, Jonathan Zajonc, Krysia Zajonc, Lucy Zajonc, Peter Zajonc, and Joe Zajonc. All my love and gratitude goes to Benny Carlé, who has been on my side during the ups and downs of the writing process. He is not the fictive husband I describe in Chapter 4, who was late for dinner without notifying me. Instead, Benny spiced up my days with delicious dinners and conversations about the world beyond the book. I dedicate this book to my children, Oliver and Zoë Zajonc. I love you so much. The future is yours, and I hope this book can help, if even just a little, to help build a better future—one that accommodates diversity. NOTESPreface vii ​my parents survived the Holocaust in hiding: My mom’s biography is The Cut Out Girl (Bart van Es, The Cut Out Girl: A Story of War and Family, Lost and Found [New York: Random House, 2018]). My dad was a classmate of Anne Frank’s and is mentioned in her diary; some of his memories have been recorded in We All Wore Stars (Theo Coster, We All Wore Stars, trans. Marjolijn de Jager [New York: St. Martin’s Press, 2011]). viii ​cultural focus on feelings: Ralph H. Turner, “The Real Self : From Institution to Impulse,” American Journal of Sociology 81, no. 5 (1976): 989–1016. viii ​WEIRD: The term was introduced in Joseph Henrich, Steven J. Heine, and Ara Norenzayan, “The Weirdest People in the World?,” Behavioral and Brain Sciences 33, no. 2–3 (June 2010): 61–83. viii ​study of culture and emotion in psychology: Other major contributions around the same time included: Shinobu Kitayama and Hazel R. Markus, Emotion and Culture: Empirical Studies of Mutual Influence (Washington, DC: American Pscyhological Association, 1994); Russell, James A, “Culture and the Categorization of Emotion,” Psychological Bulletin 110, no. 3 (1991): 426–50.

• From History of the Christian Church: The Complete Set of Eight Volumes (1858)

  " ’In the name of the Lord, Amen. I, John Calvin, minister of the Word of God in this Church of Geneva, being afflicted and oppressed with various diseases, which easily induce me to believe that the Lord God has deter-mined shortly to call me away out of this world, have resolved to make my testament, and commit my last will to writing in the manner following: First of all, I give thanks to God, that taking mercy on me, whom He had created and placed in this world, He not only delivered me out of the deep darkness of idolatry in which I was plunged, that He might bring me into the light of His gospel, and make me a partaker in the doctrine of salvation, of which I was most unworthy; and not only, with the same mercy and benignity, kindly and graciously bore with my faults and my sins, for which, however, I deserved to be rejected by Him and exterminated, but also vouchsafed me such clemency and kindness that He has deigned to use my assistance in preaching and promulgating the truth of His gospel. And I testify and declare, that it is my intention to spend what yet remains of my life in the same faith and religion which He has delivered to me by His gospel; and that I have no other defence or refuge for salvation than His gratuitous adoption, on which alone my salva-tion depends. With my whole soul I embrace the mercy which He has exer-cised towards me through Jesus Christ, atoning for my sins with the merits of His death and passion, that in this way He might satisfy for all my crimes and faults, and blot them from His remembrance. I testify also and declare, that I suppliantly beg of Him, that He may be pleased so to wash and purify me in the blood which my Sovereign Redeemer has shed for the sins of the human race, that under His shadow I may be able to stand at the judgment-seat. I likewise declare, that, according to the measure of grace and good-ness which the Lord hath employed towards me, I have endeavored, both in my sermons and also in my writings and commentaries, to preach His Word purely and chastely, and faithfully to interpret His sacred Scriptures. I also testify and declare, that, in all the contentions and disputations in which I have been engaged with the enemies of the gospel, I have used no impos-tures, no wicked and sophistical devices, but have acted candidly and sin-cerely in defending the truth. But, woe is me! my ardor and zeal (if indeed worthy of the name) have been so careless and languid, that I confess I have failed innumerable times to execute my office properly, and had not He, of His boundless goodness, assisted me, all that zeal had been fleeting and vain.

• From Going Clear (2013)

  Tim Farrington also worked intensely on the article. Eventually, a good portion of the department pitched in, including Nandi Rodrigo, Mike Spies, Katia Bachko, and even Peter himself. To be supported by such truly professional colleagues means so much. Although the Church of Scientology was not a willing partner in the effort to write this book, I want to thank the spokespeople I worked with —Tommy Davis, Jessica Feshbach, and Karin Pouw—for responding to what must have seemed an endless stream of queries from me and the fact-checkers. I have no doubt that they will quarrel with the results, but the book is more accurate because of their participation, however reluctant that might have been. Initially, Davis permitted me to speak with several active members of the church, but the door closed on that opportunity. I was never allowed to talk to David Miscavige or any of the upper-tier executives I requested. (As I would learn, many of them were sequestered and not available in any case.) A reporter can only talk to people who are willing to talk to him; whatever complaints the church may have about my reporting, many limitations can be attributed to its decision to restrict my interactions with people who might have provided more favorable testimony. Robert Jay Lifton did me the honor of reading this book in manuscript and providing his insights, especially on the issue of thought reform. R. Scott Appleby helped me place Scientology in the context of other world religions. My friend Stephen Harrigan also commented on an early draft, as he has done on many occasions. A writer depends on such willing friends. My editor at Knopf, Ann Close, has been through five books with me— a marvelous relationship that has now spanned a quarter of a century. For this book, the Knopf team labored under a stressful deadline, and I would like to acknowledge the extraordinary efforts of Anke Steinecke, legal counsel; Katherine Hourigan, the managing editor; Paul Bogaards, the director of publicity; Kim Thornton, the publicist for this book; Kevin Bourke, the production editor; Claire Bradley Ong, the production manager; and Cassandra Pappas, the designer. I also thank my agent, Andrew Wylie, for his sage counsel. When I began writing the book, I hired two young and talented fact- checkers, Axel Gerdau and Lauren Wolf. They were both interested in long-form journalism, and I thought I might be able to teach them something about that; so, one evening a week, I held a class for them, in which the text was the unwritten book we were working on. Axel and Lauren were immediately plunged into the recondite world of Scientology, but they adroitly managed to negotiate the language and the thinking. After Axel went on to other pursuits, Lauren remained as my research assistant.

• From Going Clear (2013)

  I have always been sparing in relying on anonymous sources, but writing about Scientology poses a challenge for a reporter. A number of my sources were fearful of retribution by the church—in particular, legal harassment and the loss of contact with family members. Many key individuals have signed confidentiality agreements that enforce their silence. I owe all my sources a great debt of gratitude for their willingness to speak to me despite the risk to their own well-being. Paul Haggis plays a unique role in this book. He never intended to talk publicly about his experience in the church. That he opened up to me, knowing the church’s reputation for retribution, is a measure of his courage and his forthrightness. This book is dedicated to my colleagues at the New Yorker , and so my list of debts includes the many people there who assisted me in writing the profile of Paul Haggis (“The Apostate,” Feb. 14 and 21, 2011) that became the starting point for my research into Scientology. I had talked previously with David Remnick, the editor of the magazine, about an article on the Church of Scientology. David appreciated the legal hazards, but I don’t think either of us realized the amount of time and resources the piece would ultimately require. His commitment was all the more meaningful coming during a period when the magazine was under the same financial stress that other print media were experiencing. My editor at the New Yorker , Daniel Zalewski, has shepherded me through many articles, and his steadiness and advocacy are always deeply appreciated. Daniel’s assistant at the time, Yvette Siegert, cheerfully flew to St. Louis as our deadline approached to fetch L. Ron Hubbard’s military records from the archives there. Lynn Oberlander, the magazine’s lawyer, was a stalwart ally, undaunted by the legal team arrayed by the church and by certain celebrities who were mentioned in the article. Ann Goldstein, the magazine’s copy chief, did her usual careful and respectful job. Nick Traverse and Kelly Bare labored to put the thousands of pages of documents on the Cloud—a highly experimental procedure at this old-school magazine—so that we could all have access to the same material simultaneously. I want to pay particular tribute to the New Yorker fact-checking department, headed by Peter Canby. Jennifer Stahl was the lead checker, spending six months full-time on the piece; her scrupulousness was inspiring, and she commanded the respect of everyone who dealt with her. Tim Farrington also worked intensely on the article. Eventually, a good portion of the department pitched in, including Nandi Rodrigo, Mike Spies, Katia Bachko, and even Peter himself. To be supported by such truly professional colleagues means so much. Although the Church of Scientology was not a willing partner in the effort to write this book, I want to thank the spokespeople I worked with—Tommy Davis, Jessica Feshbach, and Karin Pouw—for responding to what must have seemed an endless stream of queries from me and the fact-checkers.

• From Between Us

  Japanese emotions may be similarly shared with others. Yukiko Uchida, a professor of psychology at Kyoto University, watched the media coverage of the Athens 2004 Olympic Games in Japan and the United States and was struck by a difference in the ways Japanese and American athletes talked about their emotions. When Americans talked about their emotions, they located their emotions inside themselves, but when Japanese talked about their emotions, they often located them in relationships with others. A female soccer player who came back from the Olympics after the team had lost was asked by an interviewer: Now you are back in Japan. How did other people react? And she answered in response: We came back without any medals. But when we arrived at Narita airport, many people told us “you did a good job”! I was so grateful for their encouragement, but at the same time, I really felt sorry we had lost the game. . . . I wished I could have met their expectations. Uchida decided to study the phenomenon more systematically. She started by analyzing the very interviews that had inspired her, and counted how often and when Japanese and Americans mentioned emotions. These were broadcast interviews held right after the athletes had competed, and in that sense, very comparable moments for the Japanese and the American athletes. When interviewers asked the athletes directly how they felt, Japanese and American athletes did not differ in the number of the emotions they reported. But when the interviewer asked a question about other people (relatives, coaches, or friends), something Japanese interviewers did more than American interviewers, the Japanese but not the American athletes’ responses contained emotions. For example, to the question “What kind of support has your family given you?” a Japanese athlete responded, “My family always supported me, such as calling me a lot. I am really happy to meet the expectations of my family.” In contrast, an American athlete responded: “My family always supported me. My mother has always encouraged me.” Though athletes in both cultures were able to talk about their emotions, Japanese reported many more emotions in the context of relationships. Could it just be a difference of convention? Do Japanese simply learn to talk about emotions when asked about their relationships with others? In a separate study, Uchida and her colleagues showed Japanese and American college students pictures of winning athletes—either a Japanese or an American athlete. The athlete was pictured by themselves or with three teammates. And when did the students perceive that the athlete felt more emotion?

• From Between Us

  Parents have an important role in the enterprise of emotional literacy. According to UNESCO, “when home and school collaborate closely to implement social-emotional learning programs, children gain more and program effects are more enduring and pervasive.” But is this realistic when there is diversity in doing emotions, and the school and home context may be different? What if the messaging to the child is inconsistent, and leaves the child in the uncomfortable position of bridging the gap with their home culture? Why not give children the tools to understand these differences and cope with them? Rather than teaching students the “right” emotions and their “proper” causes and consequences, why not teach children that different ways of doing emotions may be “right,” depending on the goals valued and the kind of person you want to be? In other words, it may be productive if emotional literacy programs teach children that emotions are OURS—tied to our social cultural contexts. This could mean that our school curricula teach children cultural humility and the tools for unpacking emotional episodes. Teachers could provide their students with the tools to follow their own and other people’s emotions to the outside. Teachers and students alike would learn to unpack emotional episodes, in a way similar to what anthropologists and culturally humble clinicians do. Children would learn to pose, as well as answer, the kinds of questions presented in the Toolkit (figure 8.1), above. By learning to unpack emotional episodes, students would be up to the task of bridging the gap between their school and home cultures. Unpacking emotions, and recognizing their diversity, would fit the growing call for “equity” in emotional literacy programs, not just by generally respecting others, but also by specifically allowing for cultural diversity in emotional and social competence itself. What is more, it will provide an opportunity to value the students (and increasingly, teachers) who have become facile in unpacking different ways of doing emotions, because they belong to more than one culture; we can recognize cultural fluency with a second culture as a desirable relationship skill itself. After all ways of doing emotions are made to count, we can be sure that schools and classrooms will find common ground. Are Emotions the Same Deep Down? Here I return to the question I asked at the beginning of this book: Is it true that we are all the same when it comes to feelings? Was the young Ta-Nehisi Coates simply angry, but in a situation that would not have prompted anger to those of us who are more privileged? What would be lost if we described Ahmet as simply ashamed in response to a situation that might have elicited indignation in his Belgian classmates—the teacher’s reprimand? Did Ramla really feel the same as her therapist Kaat Van Acker would have, had she been crying, but did her culture emphasize moral failure rather than a loss of abilities? Did the Simbo women feel love like Dureau, but simultaneously feel sadness?

• From Between Us

  This book bears the fruits of our everyday research collaboration. I could have never imagined a more collegial, inspiring, and collaborative environment. I particularly thank Michael Boiger, Ellen Delvaux, Jozefien De Leersnyder, Katie Hoemann, Alba Jasini, Alexander Kirchner, Yeasle Lee, Loes Meeussen, Fulya Özcanli, Karen Phalet, Anna Schouten, Kaat Van Acker, and Colette Van Laar. We made this journey together, and I learned so much from you. This book was conceived during a 2016–2017 residential fellowship at the Center for Advanced Study in the Behavioral Sciences (CASBS) at Stanford University. I thank the director of the center, Margaret Levi, for hosting me, and my cohort of fellows for the many stimulating discussions on this book and related topics. I am particularly grateful to Kate Zaloom and Sapna Cheryan for our morning writing sessions in which I learned that writing a book works like yoga: you go back to the mat every morning and focus; slight improvements happen. I have continued the practice. The writing of this book was furthermore facilitated by two sabbaticals granted by the University of Leuven (2016–17, 2018–19), by my colleagues’ willingness to step up when I was on sabbatical, and by an ERC-Advanced grant (ERC-ADG 834587) from the European Research Council. I want to thank Lisa Feldmann Barrett, Michael Boiger, Katie Hoemann, Jonathan Janssen, Ann Kring, Will Tiemeijer, Jeanne Tsai, Kaat Van Acker, Colette Van Laar, Kate Zaloom, and the members of the Culture Lab 2020–2021 for reading outlines and earlier versions of this book. I thank Yeasle Lee and Michael Borger for their help with the illustrations of this book. I thank my agent, Max Brockman, for his confidence in me as an author, for helping me further articulate the purpose of the book, and for allowing me to focus on the writing by taking care of all business in the most efficient way possible. I also thank the unsurpassed Tom Verthé, my project manager, for helping me with all the organizational tasks related to this book, and for doing so in good spirit. My gratitude also goes to Melanie Tortoroli, my editor at W. W. Norton. It was she who recognized the potential of my ideas, and it was she who helped to develop these ideas to reach their potential. Her enthusiasm, her vision, and her incisive edits have helped the book along. I learned a lot from her in the process. I am particularly grateful to three scholars, whose close engagement in the writing process made this book possible.