Gratitude

Passages

Every passage tagged with this emotion in the Vela corpus. Search the body text, narrow by source or register, click through to a book’s profile to see how the passage sits with the rest of the work.

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• From The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: A 25-Year Landmark Study (2000)

  Throughout most of those years, the foundation’s executive director, Edward Nathan, provided the professional leadership and vision that made what we have achieved possible. We are also profoundly grateful to the San Francisco Foundation, which, under the direction of former executive director Martin Paley, established in 1980 the Judith Wallerstein Center for the Family in Transition —a nonprofit, free-standing agency that brings together a range of educational and counseling services along with research and advocacy projects aimed at helping divorced and remarried families. The Center, which has served over six thousand children and their parents, is a tribute to Mr. Paley’s enlightened leadership and remains the only such facility in the world. We have been enormously helped throughout the writing of the book by eminent demographers and sociologists who have been generous with their knowledge. We are especially grateful to Norval Glenn, Ashbel Smith, Professor of Sociology at the University of Texas at Austin; to Larry Bumpass, professor of sociology, Center for Demography and Ecology, University of Wisconsin, Madison; and to Nicholas Wolfinger, assistant professor of sociology at the University of Utah. Colleagues and friends in different disciplines have read the manuscript and given us the benefit of their expertise and recommendations. We are especially grateful to Jan Blakeslee, whose comments were wonderfully supportive and instructive in the final stages of the book; Janet Johnston, executive director of the Judith Wallerstein Center and associate professor of sociology in the administration of justice department at San Jose State University; and to Mary Ann Mason, professor of social welfare at the University of California at Berkeley. All gave excellent advice on different sections of the book. We have benefited from consultations with Mary Halbert, J.D., who practices family law in Marin County and enlightened us about negotiating custody and visitation plans. We thank Amy Freidman for helping us locate members of our comparison group and Marci Hansen, professor of special education at San Francisco State University, for sharing her informed perspective on divorce and stress in families with vulnerable children. We received expert consultation about the impact on children of witnessing domestic violence and advice about court-related programs for families and children from Professor Jeffrey I. Edleson, director of the Minnesota Center Against Violence and Abuse (MINCAVA) at the University of Minnesota School of Social Work in St. Paul, and Susan Hanks, Ph.D., coordinator for special services in the Office of Family Court Services of the Judicial Council of California. For consistency of style, this book was written as if the senior author had interviewed all the subjects. In real life this daunting task was shared with others over a five-year period.

• From The Evolution of Beauty: How Darwin's Forgotten Theory of Mate Choice Shapes the Animal World—and Us (2017)

  an exclusively human gaze: The “human gaze” refers to a power relation between the human and the natural that places human sensory and material gratification as the objective purpose of nature. Analogous to the “male gaze,” this anthropocentric perspective prevents the recognition of organismal agency and the autonomous aesthetic ends of other species. art is a form of communication: Prum (2013). In a now classic paper: Danto (1964). nearly half of all species: Song-learning birds include oscine passerines, parrots, hummingbirds, and Procnias bellbirds (Cotingidae). For an introduction to bird song learning and its cultural consequences, see Kroodsma (2005). Similar aesthetic cultural processes: A dramatic case of aesthetic cultural revolution in Australian populations of humpback whales has been documented by Noad et al. (2000). it is difficult to define the arts: In Prum (2013), I provide a detailed analysis of the impact of various definitions of art on whether there are nonhuman arts. the harbor of West Jonesport, Maine: For this lovely trip to the Bay of Fundy all those years ago, I am deeply indebted to Mary and Richard Burton-Beinecke, with whom I have sadly lost contact. Mary was a Unitarian minister in nearby Arlington, Vermont, and we met the previous spring in a bird-watching course organized by the Vermont Institute of Natural Science and taught by my (now lifelong) friend Tom Will. Mary and Richard were kind enough to take me along on their trip to Machais Seal Island and thereby contributed substantially to my growing obsession with birds. BibliographyAdler, M. 2009. “Sexual Conflict in Waterfowl: Why Do Females Resist Extra-pair Copulations?” Behavioral Ecology 21:182–92. Akerlof, G. A., and R. J. Shiller. 2009. Animal Spirits: How Human Psychology Drives the Economy, and Why It Matters for Global Capitalism. Princeton, N.J.: Princeton University Press. Allen, M. L., and W. B. Lemmon. 1981. “Orgasm in Female Primates.” American Journal of Primatology 1:15–34. Amundson, R. 2005. The Changing Role of the Embryo in Evolutionary Thought: Roots of Evo-Devo. Cambridge, U.K.: Cambridge University Press. Andersson, M. 1994. Sexual Selection. Princeton, N.J.: Princeton University Press. Bagemihl, B. 1999. Biological Exuberance: Animal Homosexuality and Natural Diversity. New York: St. Martin’s Press. Bailey, N. W., and A. J. Moore. 2012. “Runaway Sexual Selection Without Genetic Correlations: Social Environments and Flexible Mate Choice Initiate and Enhance the Fisher Process.” Evolution 66:2674–84. Bailey, N. W., and M. Zuk. 2009. “Same-Sex Sexual Behavior and Evolution.” Trends in Ecology & Evolution 24:439–46. Baker, R. R., and M. A. Bellis. 1993. “Human Sperm Competition: Ejaculate Manipulation by Females and a Function for the Female Orgasm.” Animal Behaviour 46:887–909. Barkse, J., B. A. Schlinger, M. Wikelski, and L. Fusani. 2011. “Female Choice for Male Motor Skills.” Proceedings of the Royal Society of London B 278:3523–28. Beebe, W. 1926. Pheasants: Their Lives and Homes. 2 vols. New York: New York Zoological Garden and Doubleday. Beehler, B. M., and M. S. Foster. 1988. “Hotshots, Hotspots, and Female Preference in the Organization of Lek Mating Systems.” American Naturalist 131:203–19.

• From The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: A 25-Year Landmark Study (2000)

  Most have no experience in observing their parents as a couple reacting to illness or helping buffer each other from the stresses of work and home or the changes of getting older. It is an additional loss that is hardly ever noted. I AM GRATEFUL to both Karen and Gary for sharing their stories with such honesty and integrity. By telling us about their lives for the last twenty-five years, they paint a vivid portrait of what it was like to come of age in America’s crazy divorce culture. The fact that both are in stable marriages, raising children as a priority in their lives, bodes well for a society that is so often worried about its future. As we are about to see in coming chapters, other children of divorce and others raised in intact marriages have had very different experiences from Karen’s and Gary’s, with very different outcomes. THREE Growing Up Is Harder O ne of the many myths of our divorce culture is that divorce automatically rescues children from an unhappy marriage. Indeed, many parents cling to this belief as a way of making themselves feel less guilty. No one wants to hurt his or her child, and thinking that divorce is a solution to everyone’s pain genuinely helps. Moreover, it’s true that divorce delivers a child from a violent or cruel marriage (which we will soon see in Chapter 7 ). However, when one looks at the thousands of children that my colleagues and I have interviewed at our center since 1980, most of whom were from moderately unhappy marriages that ended in divorce, one message is clear: the children do not say they are happier. Rather, they say flatly, “The day my parents divorced is the day my childhood ended.” What do they mean? Typically parent and child relationships change radically after divorce—temporarily or, as in Karen’s family, permanently. Ten years after the breakup only one-half of the mothers and one-quarter of the fathers in our study were able to provide the kind of nurturant care that had distinguished their parenting before the divorce. To go back to what Gary said about his parents being “offstage” while he grew up, after a divorce one or both parents often move onto center stage and refuse to budge. The child becomes the backstage prop manager making sure the show goes on. What most parents don’t realize is that their children can be reasonably content despite the failing marriage. Kids are not necessarily overwhelmed with distress because Mommy and Daddy are arguing. In fact, children and adults can cope pretty well in protecting one another during the stress of a failing marriage or unhappy intact marriage.

• From Saint Thomas Aquinas Collection (22 Books) (2016)

  CHRYSOSTOM. A further reward also He promises, saying, He who receiveth a prophet in the name of a prophet, shall receive a prophet’s reward. He said not merely, Whoso receiveth a prophet, or a righteous man, but in the name of a prophet, and in the name of a righteous man; that is, not for any greatness in this life, or other temporal account, but because he is a prophet, or a righteous man. JEROME. Otherwise; To this His exhortation to the disciple to entertain his teacher, there might a secret objection arise among the faithful; then shall we have to support the false prophets, or Judas the traitor. To this end it is that the Lord instructs them in these words, that it is not the person but the office that they should look to; and that the entertainer loses not his reward, though he whom he entertains be unworthy. CHRYSOSTOM. A prophet’s reward, and a righteous man’s reward, are such rewards as it is fitting he should have who entertains a prophet, or a righteous man: or, such a reward as a prophet or righteous man should have. GREGORY. (Hom. in Ev. xx. 12.) He says not, a reward from a prophet, or righteous man, but the reward of a prophet or righteous man. For the prophet is perhaps a righteous man, and the less he possesses in this world, the greater confidence has he in speaking in behalf of righteousness. He who hath of this world’s goods, in supporting such a man, makes himself a free partaker in his righteousness, and shall receive the reward of righteousness together with him whom he has aided by supporting him. He is full of the spirit of prophecy, but he lacks bodily sustenance, and if the body be not supported, it is certain that the voice will fail. Whoso then gives a prophet food, gives him strength for speaking, therefore together with the prophet he shall receive the prophet’s reward, when he shews before the face of God what bounty he shewed him. JEROME. Mystically; He who receives a prophet as a prophet, and understands him speaking of things to come, he shall receive reward of that prophet. The Jews therefore, who understand the prophets carnally, do not receive the prophet’s reward. REMIGIUS. Some understand by the prophet here, the Lord Jesus Christ, of whom Moses says, A Prophet shall the Lord your God raise up unto you; (Deut. 18:18.) and the same also by the righteous man, because he is beyond comparison righteous. He then who shall receive a prophet or righteous man in the name of the prophet or righteous man, i. e. of Christ, shall receive reward from Him for love of whom he received Him.

• From Combating Cult Mind Control: The Guide to Protection, Rescue and Recovery from Destructive Cults (1988)

  Dr. Lifton wrote Witness to an Extreme Century: A Memoir (Free Press, 2011). I was fortunate to sit him down for two videotaped interviews which are on the freedomofmind.com website. Acknowledgments To Misia Landau—anthropologist, science writer, artist, photographer, and my loving wife, who is strong enough to deal with all the stresses of life with an activist—thank you for all your incredible support on many levels. You have helped me write, strategize, and cope. You have been my number one. Special thanks for putting your own writing projects and art classes aside to help me ready this book for publication by editing and advising every step of the way. Thank you in ways far more than words could ever communicate. To our son Matthew, who is the joy of our lives: what a gift you have been. Thank you for being you. With heartfelt gratitude, I thank my parents, Milton and Estelle Hassan, for all their love and support. Whenever I needed them, they were there for me. They risked everything to rescue me from the Moonies, and I will be forever grateful that they did. I wish to thank my sisters, Thea and Stephanie, as well as my brothers-inlaw, Doug and Ken, for all they have done throughout the years. Thea and Doug helped save me more than once. They also did much to take care of my folks in their waning years. To their sons, Michael and Scott, and their families: thank you. My aunt and uncle, Phyllis and Mort Slotnick, and their children Debbie and Mark, whom I grew up with, have always provided strong support. To Misia’s sisters, Lauren Broch and Ricki Grossman; their husbands, Danny and Dennis; and my niece Sarah and my nephews Ben, Noah, and David: thanks for being my extended family. I wish to thank Gary Rosenberg, Michael Strom, Nestor Garcia, and Gladys Gonzalez for their willingness to spend five very difficult days in 1976 counseling me back to reality. Without their help, I might have spent many more years in the Moonies. I have recently rediscovered Nestor on LinkedIn; he is now a psychiatrist in Florida. Gladys also lives in Florida and is a social worker. Gary, unfortunately, passed away. Mike, where are you? Special acknowledgments go to my first wife of seven years, Aureet Bar-Yam, who lived through the creation and the original publication of this book. She died in a tragic accident, trying to rescue our Golden Retriever from an icy pond in 1991. I will always remember her for her love, talent, intelligence, and willingness to help others. Her parents, Drs. Zvi and Miriam Bar-Yam, and their children Sageet and Yaneer and their families, have continued to be sources of much love, inspiration, and help, in ways too numerous to recount.

• From Just Mercy: A Story of Justice and Redemption (2014)

  I want to especially thank Aaryn Urell and Randy Susskind for feedback and editing. Additionally, I’m grateful to Eva Ansley and Evan Parzych for research assistance. Finally, I cannot say enough about Doug Abrams, agent extraordinaire, who persuaded me to take on this project. Without his invaluable guidance, encouragement, and friendship, this book would not have been possible. Author’s Note W ith more than two million incarcerated people in the United States, an additional six million people on probation or parole and an estimated sixty-eight million Americans with criminal records, there are endless opportunities for you to do something about criminal justice policy or help the incarcerated or formerly incarcerated. If you have interest in working with or supporting volunteer programs that serve incarcerated people, organizations that provide re-entry assistance to the formerly incarcerated or organizations around the globe that seek reform of criminal justice policy, please contact us at the Equal Justice Initiative in Montgomery, Alabama. You can visit our website at www.eji.org or email us at contact_us@eji.org . PHOTO: © NINA SUBIN B RYAN S TEVENSON is the executive director of the Equal Justice Initiative in Montgomery, Alabama, and a professor of law at New York University Law School. He has won relief for dozens of condemned prisoners, argued five times before the Supreme Court, and won national acclaim for his work challenging bias against the poor and people of color. He has received numerous awards, including the MacArthur Foundation “Genius” Grant. eji.org What’s next on your reading list? Discover your next great read! Get personalized book picks and up-to-date news about this author. Sign up now. _150361393_ Chapter Two Stand A fter spending the first year and a half of my legal career sleeping on Steve Bright’s living room couch in Atlanta, it was time to find an apartment of my own. When I’d started working in Atlanta, staff were scrambling to handle one crisis after another. I was immediately thrown into litigation with pressing deadlines and didn’t have time to find a place to live—and my $14,000 annual salary didn’t leave me with much money for rent—so Steve kindly took me in. Living in Steve’s small Grant Park duplex allowed me to question him nonstop about the complex issues and challenges our cases and clients presented. Each day we dissected big and small issues from morning until midnight. I loved it. But when a law school classmate, Charles Bliss, moved to Atlanta for a job with the Atlanta Legal Aid Society, we realized that if we pooled our meager salaries, we could afford a low-rent apartment. Charlie and I had started at Harvard Law School together and had lived in the same dorm as first-year students.

• From Etched in Sand (2013)

  Acknowledgments MY JOURNEY WAS substantially smoother and sometimes purely adventurous because of my loving sister Camille, who although our paths are quite different, never stopped walking beside me as I carved out mine. Her trust in me telling our story through my perspective was vital to this book being written. My oldest sister Cherie was apprehensive at first, but after reading an early draft quickly came around to supporting the book and went further by encouraging me to share the tough aspects of her story. She is now delightfully relieved that we can finally embrace our history rather than fear its disclosure, and for her confidence I am truly thankful. Much appreciation goes to my brother Norman for supporting the book, despite his quest for peaceful solitude. Boundless love and adoration to Rosie, who has her own story to tell, which I’ll encourage her to do as she did with mine, but, of course, only when she is ready. I am forever grateful to my companion, Todd Ciaravino, who, regardless of how unconventional my endeavors, is always along for the ride. He wholeheartedly encouraged me to write my story when it was just a seedling, and he helped me bring it to full bloom, as did his very endearing family. Also, I owe much to my confidante and closest friend, Melanie McEvoy, whose glitter makes all those around her sparkle. She shares my life with me on the North Fork—it would not be home without her nearby. You both ground me. A significant chapter of my story would have been missing had it not been for my aunt Julia—her courage and steadfast commitment to the truth set me free. She never stopped looking out for me and I know that she still is. There are those who prevail in their lives using instinct—understanding the pitfalls yet willing to stray from the familiar. To bring my story forward three women did just that—Lisa Sharkey, Amy Bendell, and Krissy Gasbarre. This book would not have come to fruition without Lisa Sharkey of HarperCollins. Lisa had the courage to take my story on and follow her instinct—she never wavered from her faith in me or my story. Amy Bendell, my editor, was my other early enthusiast. Her intuition and sensibilities shepherded this story throughout. She knew what we should tell more of, when less was more, and

• From Etched in Sand (2013)

  This page would not be complete if I did not express sincere gratitude to the charities and county and state government that provided us desperately needed services and the dedicated public servants whose attention kept us moving forward. We are now thriving and as a result have created a generation of independent, compassionate children, who are already giving back through church and charity. About the Author REGINA M. CALCATERRA, ESQUIRE, serves for Governor Andrew Cuomo as the executive director of the New York State Moreland Commission on Utility Storm Preparation and Response. Regina’s state appointment rose from her position as chief deputy to Suffolk County Executive Steve Bellone, where she assisted him in managing the day-to-day operations of the county and managed the county’s response and immediate recovery to Superstorm Sandy. The majority of Regina’s private sector experience was as a partner to Barrack, Rodos & Bacine, an internationally recognized securities litigation firm, where she represented defrauded public and labor pension funds by recouping billions of dollars from those who committed corporate fraud on Wall Street. Combined, she has twenty-five years in public- and private-sector experience, including serving as an adjunct professor of political science at CUNY Baruch College. For over a decade Regina served as a frequent commentator of policy and politics on nationwide television and also contributed op-eds on national and local issues. She proudly serves as a board member to You Gotta Believe, an organization that works toward finding older foster children forever homes. She is a graduate of the State University of New York, New Paltz, and Seton Hall University School of Law, and is admitted to practice law in the State of New York, Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, and the Eastern and Southern U.S. District Courts. Discover great authors, exclusive offers, and more at hc.com . Credits Cover design by Mumtaz Mustafa Photograph © by Fernando Arias Ramos / Trevillion Images Copyright ETCHED IN SAND. Copyright © 2013 by Regina Calcaterra. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books. FIRST EDITION ISBN 978-0-06-221883-4 EPub Edition AUGUST 2013 ISBN 9780062218841 Version 12272017 13 14 15 16 17 OV/RRD 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 About the Publisher Australia HarperCollins Publishers Australia Pty. Ltd. Level 13, 201 Elizabeth Street Sydney, NSW 2000, Australia www.harpercollins.com.au Canada HarperCollins Canada 2 Bloor Street East - 20th Floor Toronto, ON M4W 1A8, Canada www.harpercollins.ca New Zealand HarperCollins Publishers New Zealand Unit D1, 63 Apollo Drive Rosedale 0632 Auckland, New Zealand www.harpercollins.co.nz United Kingdom HarperCollins Publishers Ltd.

• From The Evolution of Beauty: How Darwin's Forgotten Theory of Mate Choice Shapes the Animal World—and Us (2017)

  AcknowledgmentsI am indebted to many people for their insights, advice, assistance, and support during the writing and production of this book. Personally, I am grateful to my wife, Ann Johnson Prum, for her enthusiastic encouragement, helpful insights, editing advice, patience, and understanding along the way. I also thank my children, Gus, Owen, and Liam, for their open-hearted curiosity and interest. I thank my twin sister, Katherine, for her inspiration and understanding. Living shared, parallel lives as children had an immeasurable impact on me, my interest in feminism, and in the deep mystery of the subjective experiences of others. I would like to thank my parents, Bruce Prum and Joan Gahan Prum, who encouraged my interest in birds, science, and travel from my earliest days. The writing of this book was supported by several fellowships. The book was begun in 2011–12 during an Ikerbasque Science Fellowship from the Ikerbasque Science Foundation and the Donostia International Physics Center (DIPC) in Donostia–San Sebastian, Spain. I am grateful to Pedro Miguel Echenique and Javier Aizpurua at the DIPC for their interest and support. The book was (nearly) completed during a fellowship at the Wissenschaftskolleg zu Berlin in 2015. The “Wiko” provided a marvelously productive, scholarly, and collegial environment, and I thank the many new friends I met there. The project was also supported by funds from the William Robertson Coe Fund at Yale University and by a fellowship from the MacArthur Foundation. I am thankful to Michael DiGiorgio and Rebecca Gelernter for their beautiful drawings and illustrations and to Juan José Arango, Brett Benz, Rafael Bessa, Marc Chrétien, Michael Dolittle, Ronan Donovan, Rodrigo Gavaria Obregón, Tim Laman, Kevin McCracken, Bryan Pfeiffer, João Quental, Ed Scholes, and Jim Zipp for permission to reproduce their lovely photographs.

• From Etched in Sand (2013)

  where Rosie and Bobby bring Daniel, Brody, and Lexi to go swimming, and we all wrap ourselves in luxurious white robes to watch silly movies and order a dozen things from the room service menu. I tell Rosie how I’ve been watching Lexi in wonder, recognizing the exact mannerisms she’s inherited from the little girl her mother used to be. On the flight home it hits me how I have more than I ever expected I’d be blessed with: a legal career with a noteworthy law firm that makes it possible for me to make a difference in the world, the whole truth about my biological background, and an unconditional partner who’s always along for the ride, who loves my independence, who supports my every adventure and drives me to go even further. And now I have Rosie. A year later, in 2011, I’m eager to embrace politics again when I’m introduced to Steve Bellone, the Democratic candidate for Suffolk County Executive. After Steve is elected, he asks me to join his administration as the chief deputy executive. I voice my hesitation, telling Steve, “If I accept this position, I’ll need to resign as a board member for You Gotta Believe—an organization that actually gets older foster kids adopted so they can avoid homelessness or worse. They have a contract with the county and that could be a conflict.” Steve assures me my job helping him run Suffolk County will even better position me to impact the lives of foster kids. “With the county’s resources, you can help lots of homeless kids,” he says. “And you’ll still be supporting me in the day-to-day operations of the county.” I start my new job as the chief deputy executive of Suffolk County on January 1, 2012. Eleven days into the new position, at the end of a senior staff meeting, one of my colleagues asks whether I read this morning’s Long Island Newsday. “Regina, you’ve got to read this,” she says. On the front page is a profile of Samantha Garvey, a seventeen-year-old student at Brentwood High School on the southern shore of Suffolk County. Samantha has been selected as a semifinalist in the Intel Science Talent Search—she’s one of three hundred students up for the most prestigious high school science award in the United States. The challenge is that she lives in a homeless shelter with her family. When her family was forced from their home, their pit bull, Pulga, was put in an animal shelter. According to the story, the Garvey family is as worried about Pulga’s being euthanized as they are about how they’ll find a home. I go back to my desk and call the shelter where Pulga has been placed. I tell

• From Etched in Sand (2013)

  never failed to remind me of its beauty. Then there is my talented cowriter, Krissy Gasbarre. Krissy guided my story by gently unlocking memories and gave me confidence in deciding which ones should be memorialized. She diligently scrutinized my writings with precision, magically improving them with flawless ease while ensuring that my voice prevailed throughout. I also have considerable gratitude to all those at HarperCollins Publishers for willingly taking on a first-time author. Many, many thanks to Ed Moltzen, whose thoughtful contributions are reflected throughout the book and to those who reviewed and improved the full manuscript: Dina Nelson, Bobbie and Jerome Ciaravino, Terry and Bill Gasbarre, Jennifer Culp-O’Brien, Bobbi Passalacqua, Lauren Grant, and Nancy and Tom Gleason. There are others who collectively impacted my life that deserve acknowledgment: my foster parents who diligently worked toward providing me structure and consistency, specifically the Petermans, and all of my dear friends along the way who did not judge me based upon my circumstances and embraced me for me, and some of whose families went further by ensuring that I was fed and properly clothed: Kim and Celinda Garcia, Sheryl Williams, Tracey McMaster, Tracy Ressa, Erin DeMeo, Jeanine Illario, Cynthia Tait, Tammy Fisher, Kim Forsa, Veronica Sullivan, Monica Murray, and Beth Seltzer, and Reyne Macadaeg. Much appreciation to Jo LoCicero, who fifteen years ago told me to start writing, and Patty Cooper and Katherine Barna for their early encouragement and guidance. My story could have gone dark had it not been for the educators that illuminated my light even though they only had a moment in time to keep it burning before I moved on. Those educators who stood out and truly touched me include Kevin Ferry and Bob Maguire, Centereach High School; Lewis Brownstein, Nancy Kassop, and Gerald Benjamin, SUNY New Paltz; John Farmer, Seton Hall Law School; Ms. Van Dover, Saint James Elementary; and Ms. Muse, Branch Brook Elementary. The same sentiment is extended for the public library systems. This page would not be complete if I did not express sincere gratitude to the charities and county and state government that provided us desperately needed services and the dedicated public servants whose attention kept us moving forward. We are now thriving and as a result have created a generation of independent, compassionate children, who are already giving back through church and charity.

• From Memoirs of Hadrian (1951)

  But it is already something gained to have used only the original stones. Every being who has gone through the adventure of living is myself. This Second Century appeals to me because it was the last century, for a very long period of time, in which men could think and express themselves with full freedom. As for us, we are perhaps already very far from such times as that. On the 26th of December, 1950, on an evening of freezing cold and in the almost polar silence of Mount Desert Island, off the Atlantic shore, I was striving to live again through the smothering heat of a day in July, in the year 138 in Baiae, to feel the weight of a sheet on weary, heavy limbs, and to catch the barely perceptible sound of that tideless sea as from time to time it reached a man whose whole attention was concentrated upon other murmurs, those of his approaching death. I tried to go as far as the last sip of water, the last spasm of pain, the last image in his mind. Now the emperor had but to die. This book bears no dedication. It ought to have been dedicated to G.F. . . , and would have been, were there not a kind of impropriety in putting a personal inscription at the opening of a work where, precisely, I was trying to efface the personal. But even the longest dedication is too short and too commonplace to honor a friendship so uncommon. When I try to define this asset which has been mine now for years, I tell myself that such a privilege, however rare it may be, is surely not unique; that in the whole adventure of bringing a book successfully to its conclusion, or even in the entire life of some fortunate writers, there must have been sometimes, in the background, perhaps, someone who will not let pass the weak or inaccurate sentence which we ourselves would retain, out of fatigue; someone who would re-read with us for the twentieth time, if need be, a questionable page; someone who takes down for us from the library shelves the heavy tomes in which we may find a helpful suggestion, and who persists in continuing to peruse them long after weariness has made us give up; someone who bolsters our courage and approves, or sometimes disputes, our ideas; who shares with us, and with equal fervor, the joys of art and of living, the endless work which both require, never easy but never dull; someone who is neither our shadow nor our reflection, nor even our complement, but simply himself; someone who leaves us ideally free, but who nevertheless obliges us to be fully what we are. Hospes Comesque.

• From The Evolution of Beauty: How Darwin's Forgotten Theory of Mate Choice Shapes the Animal World—and Us (2017)

  The image from Frost’s poem—of our many separate lives working in parallel in different ways, in isolation and perhaps even ignorance of each other, toward a shared goal of discovery, beauty, and justice—became an inspiration and encouragement throughout the project. Thus, I am grateful to all those working in parallel for scientific change and a new, more productive relationship between science and culture. NotesIntroductionBirding is about recognizing: Because the names of bird species are proper nouns, ornithologists always capitalize the common names of bird species. This is also the only way to distinguish between a Common Loon (Gavia immer) and a common loon, and a Ferruginous Hawk (Buteo regalis) and any hawk that is merely ferruginous. functional magnetic resonance imaging studies: Gauthier et al. (2000), but for further debate on the neuroscience of visual expertise, see Harel et al. (2013) and other references therein. when a birder identifies: Although bird-watching might be a neurological reutilization of this social part of the brain, it is also possible this part of the brain first evolved to recognize bird species, other wildlife, and plants that are potential food sources or predatory threats and that it was only later co-opted evolutionarily for its function in social recognition. Bird-watching might be among the very first functions of mind. As Thomas Nagel has written: In the classic paper “What Is It Like to Be a Bat?,” Nagel (1974) makes the claim that an organism is conscious if its sensory experience has specific qualities, that is, if “there is something it is like to be” that organism. While I have no stake in whether this is a productive definition of consciousness, I do think there is ample evidence that many organisms—including birds—have a flow of sensory and cognitive experience that varies in its qualities. These sensory and cognitive qualities ultimately give rise to ecological, social, and sexual decisions that are fundamental to aesthetic evolution. the beaks of the Galápagos Finches: Research on the evolution of beaks of Galápagos Finches by Peter and Rosemary Grant has been summarized in Grant (1999) and in the classic book The Beak of the Finch by J. Weiner (1994). the evolution of an avian ornament: Of course, beak shape can also be influenced by aesthetic sexual and social selection. The enormous and brilliant beaks of Ramphastos toucans and many hornbills are examples of complex social signals that have not evolved merely through natural selection on their ecological functions. it has been nearly forgotten: I am indebted to Mary Jane West-Eberhard for both her classic work on sexual and social selection (1979, 1983) and her recent critiques of adaptive mate choice and advocacy for “Darwin’s forgotten theory” (2014). Chapter 1: Darwin’s Really Dangerous IdeaI propose that Darwin’s really dangerous idea: Darwin (1871). “The sight of a feather in a peacock’s tail”: Darwin to Asa Gray, April 3 [1860], Darwin Correspondence Project, Letter 2743.

• From Memoirs of Hadrian (1951)

  But it is already something gained to have used only the original stones. Every being who has gone through the adventure of living is myself. This Second Century appeals to me because it was the last century, for a very long period of time, in which men could think and express themselves with full freedom. As for us, we are perhaps already very far from such times as that. On the 26th of December, 1950, on an evening of freezing cold and in the almost polar silence of Mount Desert Island, off the Atlantic shore, I was striving to live again through the smothering heat of a day in July, in the year 138 in Baiae, to feel the weight of a sheet on weary, heavy limbs, and to catch the barely perceptible sound of that tideless sea as from time to time it reached a man whose whole attention was concentrated upon other murmurs, those of his approaching death. I tried to go as far as the last sip of water, the last spasm of pain, the last image in his mind. Now the emperor had but to die. This book bears no dedication. It ought to have been dedicated to G.F. . . , and would have been, were there not a kind of impropriety in putting a personal inscription at the opening of a work where, precisely, I was trying to efface the personal. But even the longest dedication is too short and too commonplace to honor a friendship so uncommon. When I try to define this asset which has been mine now for years, I tell myself that such a privilege, however rare it may be, is surely not unique; that in the whole adventure of bringing a book successfully to its conclusion, or even in the entire life of some fortunate writers, there must have been sometimes, in the background, perhaps, someone who will not let pass the weak or inaccurate sentence which we ourselves would retain, out of fatigue; someone who would re-read with us for the twentieth time, if need be, a questionable page; someone who takes down for us from the library shelves the heavy tomes in which we may find a helpful suggestion, and who persists in continuing to peruse them long after weariness has made us give up; someone who bolsters our courage and approves, or sometimes disputes, our ideas; who shares with us, and with equal fervor, the joys of art and of living, the endless work which both require, never easy but never dull; someone who is neither our shadow nor our reflection, nor even our complement, but simply himself; someone who leaves us ideally free, but who nevertheless obliges us to be fully what we are. Hospes Comesque.

• From Etched in Sand (2013)

  A significant chapter of my story would have been missing had it not been for my aunt Julia—her courage and steadfast commitment to the truth set me free. She never stopped looking out for me and I know that she still is. There are those who prevail in their lives using instinct—understanding the pitfalls yet willing to stray from the familiar. To bring my story forward three women did just that—Lisa Sharkey, Amy Bendell, and Krissy Gasbarre. This book would not have come to fruition without Lisa Sharkey of HarperCollins. Lisa had the courage to take my story on and follow her instinct—she never wavered from her faith in me or my story. Amy Bendell, my editor, was my other early enthusiast. Her intuition and sensibilities shepherded this story throughout. She knew what we should tell more of, when less was more, and never failed to remind me of its beauty. Then there is my talented cowriter, Krissy Gasbarre. Krissy guided my story by gently unlocking memories and gave me confidence in deciding which ones should be memorialized. She diligently scrutinized my writings with precision, magically improving them with flawless ease while ensuring that my voice prevailed throughout. I also have considerable gratitude to all those at HarperCollins Publishers for willingly taking on a first-time author. Many, many thanks to Ed Moltzen, whose thoughtful contributions are reflected throughout the book and to those who reviewed and improved the full manuscript: Dina Nelson, Bobbie and Jerome Ciaravino, Terry and Bill Gasbarre, Jennifer Culp-O’Brien, Bobbi Passalacqua, Lauren Grant, and Nancy and Tom Gleason. There are others who collectively impacted my life that deserve acknowledgment: my foster parents who diligently worked toward providing me structure and consistency, specifically the Petermans, and all of my dear friends along the way who did not judge me based upon my circumstances and embraced me for me, and some of whose families went further by ensuring that I was fed and properly clothed: Kim and Celinda Garcia, Sheryl Williams, Tracey McMaster, Tracy Ressa, Erin DeMeo, Jeanine Illario, Cynthia Tait, Tammy Fisher, Kim Forsa, Veronica Sullivan, Monica Murray, and Beth Seltzer, and Reyne Macadaeg. Much appreciation to Jo LoCicero, who fifteen years ago told me to start writing, and Patty Cooper and Katherine Barna for their early encouragement and guidance. My story could have gone dark had it not been for the educators that illuminated my light even though they only had a moment in time to keep it burning before I moved on. Those educators who stood out and truly touched me include Kevin Ferry and Bob Maguire, Centereach High School; Lewis Brownstein, Nancy Kassop, and Gerald Benjamin, SUNY New Paltz; John Farmer, Seton Hall Law School; Ms. Van Dover, Saint James Elementary; and Ms. Muse, Branch Brook Elementary. The same sentiment is extended for the public library systems.

• From From Shame to Sin: The Christian Transformation of Sexual Morality in Late Antiquity (2013)

  In numerous ways my alma mater and employer, the University of Oklahoma, has made this book possible. Audiences in Classics, Judaic Studies, and Modern Languages and Literature have listened to various parts of the book and off ered stimulating conversation. I would like to thank Jordan Shuart and Jill Chance for very capable research assistance and the Honors College for enabling such assis- tance. Th e staff at Bizzell Library— especially in circulation and interlibrary loan— have been astonishingly generous with a diffi cult patron. My Department and its chairman, Sam Huskey, have off ered unwavering support, as has the entire Ac know ledg ments  AC KNOW LEDG MENTS administration, most of all President David Boren. To my friends who make the University of Oklahoma an intellectually lively place, especially on Fridays, I am grateful— Kevin Butterfi eld, Rangar Cline, Don Maletz, Jason Houston, Justin Wert, Luis Cortest, David Anderson, Kermyt Anderson, Jonathan Havercroft, Erik Braun, David Chappell, Eric Lomazoff , Amber Rose, Janet Ward, Dustin Gish, Jane Wickersham, David Wrobel, and Andrew Porwancher. It has been a plea sure working with Sharmila Sen and the staff of Harvard Uni- versity Press. I am grateful to the anonymous reader who made a number of in- valuable suggestions. Above all, I would like to express my gratitude to Glen Bowersock, whose thoughtful guidance has made this a much better book; I have learned much from him about late antiquity in general and literature in par tic u lar. It is an honor to be included in the Revealing Antiquity series. Of course, all re- maining infelicities and errors are my own stubborn fault. Lastly, I thank my family for their continuous support. Mom, Haley, and Lance are always there for me. My daughter Sylvie is perfect, and she has taught me so much already. Th e book is dedicated to my amazing wife Michelle, t o; k avllo~ oujk ajnqrwvpinon ajlla; qei`on. Without her love and support it could never have been written.

• From Paul and Matthew Among Jews and Gentiles: Essays in Honor of Terence L. Donaldson (2021)

  This Festschrift celebrates the work of Terence L. Donaldson. As a former student of Professor Donaldson, I consider it an honor and a privilege to have worked as the editor of this volume. I first shared the idea of a Festschrift with Catherine Sider Hamilton, a former student of the honoree, who immediately thought it was an excellent idea. She encouraged me to pursue the project, and if it were not for the overwhelming demands on her schedule as a parish priest and as an extremely busy scholar, she would have been more than willing to be at my side as a coeditor. I thank her for her encouragement and ongoing support. Indeed, I have to thank all the contributors who have responded with eager enthusiasm to participate in this Festschrift. Other scholars, whose works are not included here, were also very willing to contribute but had to send their regrets because of several other pressing commitments or even because of illness. A Tabula of the names of all scholars who wished to honor Professor Donaldson is added at the end of this introduction. Donaldson’s scholarly achievements and the respect he has gained among peers have made my task as an editor a real pleasure. The positive responses from high-caliber scholars and the rigor of their analyses offered throughout the chapters in this volume testify to the high esteem that scholars of various generations and of different genders, social-locations, historical and theological positions have for Professor Donaldson, an extraordinary and very unassuming New Testament (NT) scholar. I have known Terry—as he is usual y known—since 2005. I went to his office at Wycliffe College, University of Toronto, with a newly purchased copy of his Paul and the Gentiles. 1 I wanted to do my graduate studies under his supervision at the Toronto School of Theology. With his usual calm demeanor, he assured me he would be glad to be my thesis supervisor but that although I already had a 3-year M.Div. degree and I had done quite a bit of reading in the field prior to meeting with him, I needed to complete an M.T.S. at Wycliffe to broaden my theological horizon. I registered as a student and went to the mandatory weekend retreat for new students. There, in a beautiful setting outside of the bustling city of Toronto, I discovered a joyous human being and a fun professor. Terry invited me to play Scrabble with him and others. But it was not English Scrabble. It was in Hebrew! Also, to my delight as a violinist, I discovered he 1 Terence L. Donaldson, Paul and the Gentiles: Remapping the Apostle’s Convictional World (Minneapolis, MN: Fortress, 1997). 2 2 Paul and Matthew among Jews and Gentiles

• From Just Mercy: A Story of Justice and Redemption (2014)

  We have produced groundbreaking reports on slavery, lynching, and segregation in the United States, and in April 2018, we opened the Legacy Museum: From Enslavement to Mass Incarceration and the National Memorial for Peace and Justice—the country’s first comprehensive memorial dedicated to victims of racial terror lynching—in Montgomery, Alabama. I hope you will visit our museum and memorial to learn more about our work to create greater justice in the world. I remain the Executive Director of EJI, which is a great privilege. With my amazing colleagues at EJI, I continue to represent people on death row, children prosecuted as adults, and incarcerated women, men, and children who have been wrongly convicted or unfairly sentenced. In February 2019, we won a landmark ruling from the United States Supreme Court banning the execution of condemned people who become incompetent as a result of dementia or neurological disease. I continue to meet stonecatchers along the way who inspire me and make me believe that we can do better for the accused, convicted, and condemned among us—and that all of us can do better for one another. The work continues. Acknowledgments I want to thank the hundreds of accused, convicted, and imprisoned men, women, and children with whom I have worked and who have taught me so much about hope, justice, and mercy. I’m especially appreciative of and humbled by the people who appear in this book, victims and survivors of violence, criminal justice professionals, and those who have been condemned to unimaginably painful spaces and yet have shown tremendous courage and grace. All the names of people who appear in these pages are real with the exception of just a few whose privacy and security needed to be protected. I’m extremely grateful to Chris Jackson, my extraordinary editor, for his thoughtful guidance and kind assistance. I feel very, very fortunate to have worked with an editor as insightful and generous. I’m also deeply thankful to Cindy Spiegel and Julie Grau whose tremendous support and feedback has genuinely inspired me in ways I never imagined. One of my great joys with this project has been the privilege of working with and learning from all my new friends at Spiegel & Grau and Random House who have been so wonderfully encouraging. I want to also thank Sharon Steinerman at New York University School of Law for her excellent research assistance for this project. All my work is made possible by the exceptional staff of the Equal Justice Initiative, each of whom fearlessly contributes to the cause of justice every day with enough hope and humility to make me believe that we can do the things that must be done to serve the least of these.

• From Untrue (2018)

  To bring statistics and research findings to life, I interviewed thirty women and two men about their experiences of female infidelity. Stay-at-home parent, student, artist, business owner, receptionist, teacher, and retiree are just some of the ways they might describe themselves. Five of the interview participants were African American; four were Latina; and the remainder were white. They ranged in age from twenty to ninety-three, and lived in nine states. This was not intended to be a representative sample, obviously; the point was to hear people tell stories about female infidelity in their own words to complement the studies, surveys, and other data from which I draw in Untrue. The semi-structured interviews were designed to encourage interviewees to feel comfortable discussing their motivations and subjective experiences, and were conducted in person or over the phone. They generally lasted between just under an hour and two hours. In presenting their stories, I have changed many specifics regarding the individuals portrayed, including all their names (whether or not I call this out in the text) and other potentially identifying details. What I have not changed is the way in which their stories reveal their authentic experience. My personal experiences are recounted as I recall them. AcknowledgmentsIt was a privilege to speak to the thirty women (and two men) who shared their stories and secrets with me. I am honored by their trust, grateful for their honesty, and hope to have done justice to them and their experiences in these pages. In addition to the experts who appear in Untrue, others enriched my understanding of the topic either by patiently speaking or emailing with me, by writing works that inform and inspire, or simply by their example: Suzanne Iasenza, Katie Hinde, Sofia Jawed-Wessel, Sari Cooper, Helen Fisher, Lori Brotto, Jon Marks, Stephen Glickman, Henry Kyemba, Robert Martin, Emily Nagoski, Jeff Nunokawa, Ian Kerner, Mal Harrison, Latham Thomas, and Cynthia Sowers. Special thanks to Dr. Michelle Bezanson and her field assistant, Allison McNamara, for generously inviting me to their field site in Costa Rica, and to Allison for her invaluable assistance with the primatological literature. Victor P. Corona and Bethany Saltman did excellent research and more—they offered insight. Victor suggested the chapter title “Significant Otherness” and the subtitle “Cuckoo for Cuckolds.” Thanks to my assistants, Florence Katusiime, Melissa Tan, and Jerrod MacFarlane, and my intern, Hannah Park. I am indebted to my editor, Tracy Behar, for her magical touch, humor, and unflagging enthusiasm and support, and to everyone at Little, Brown—from publisher Reagan Arthur to the art department to editorial assistant Ian Straus—who helped shepherd Untrue into being. My deep gratitude to my literary agent, Richard Pine, who with characteristically remarkable generosity read, aided, and advised from the book’s inception to its last word. Thanks also to Eliza Rothstein for her assistance.

• From Saint Thomas Aquinas Collection (22 Books) (2016)

  AMBROSE. (in Luc. 8:21.) Nor does He overthrow the duty of filial submission, which is conveyed in the command, Honour thy father and thy mother, (Ex. 20:12.) but shews that He owes more to the mysteries and relationship of His Father, than of His mother; as it follows, And stretching out his hand to his disciples, he said, Behold my mother and my brethren. GREGORY. (Hom. in Ev. iii. 2.) The Lord deigned to call faithful disciples His brethren, saying, Go, tell my brethren. Since then a man may be made a brother of the Lord by coming to the faith, it should be enquired how one may become also His mother. Be it known by us then, that he that by believing is made brother or sister of Christ, becomes His mother by preaching; for in pouring Him into the heart of the hearer, he may be said to beget the Lord; and he is made the Lord’s mother, when by his word love of the Lord is begotten in the mind of his neighbour. CHRYSOSTOM. And besides what has been said, He taught also somewhat more, namely, that we should not neglect virtue relying on any kindred. For if it profited His mother nothing that she was such, if she had not had virtue, who is there that shall be saved by his kindred? For there is one only nobility, to do the will of God, and therefore it follows, Whoso shall do the will of my Father which is in heaven, the same is my brother, and sister, and mother. Many women have blessed that holy Virgin and her womb, and have desired to be made such mothers. What is it then that hinders? Behold, He hath set before you a broad way, and not women only, but men likewise, may become the mother of God. JEROME. Let us also expound in another way. The Saviour is speaking to the multitude—that is, He teaches the Gentiles the inward mysteries; His mother and His brethren, that is the synagogue and the Jewish people, stand without. HILARY. Although they had like the rest power to come in, yet they abstain from all approach to Him, for he came unto his own, and his own received him not. (John 1:11.) GREGORY. (ubi sup.) Thus also His mother is declared to stand without, as though she was not acknowledged, because the synagogue is therefore not acknowledged by its Author, because it held to the observance of the Law, and having lost the spiritual discernment thereof, kept itself without to guard the letter. JEROME. And when they shall have asked and enquired, and sent a messenger, they shall receive for answer, that their will is free, and that they can enter in, if they will believe. CHAPTER 13 13:1–91. The same day went Jesus out of the house, and sat by the sea side.