Shame

Passages

Every passage tagged with this emotion in the Vela corpus. Search the body text, narrow by source or register, click through to a book’s profile to see how the passage sits with the rest of the work.

Page 213 of 267 · 20 per page

• From Amplified Holy Bible (2015)

  May God do so to me, and more also, if you will not be commander of my army from now on in place of Joab.’ ” 14 In this way he changed the hearts of all the men of Judah as one man, so they sent word to the king, “Return, you and all your b servants.” 15 So David returned and came to the Jordan. And [supporters from] Judah came to Gilgal to meet the king, to escort him across the Jordan. 16 Then Shimei the son of Gera, a Benjamite of Bahurim, hurried and came down with the men [from the tribe of] of Judah to meet King David, 17 and a thousand men [from the tribe] of Benjamin with him. And Ziba, the servant of the house of Saul, and his fifteen sons and twenty servants with him, rushed down to the Jordan before the king. 18 Then they [repeatedly] crossed the ford to bring over the king’s household (family), and to do what pleased him. And Shimei the son of Gera fell down before the king as he was about to cross the Jordan, 19 and said to the king, “Let not my lord consider me guilty, nor remember what your servant did c wrong on the day my lord the king left Jerusalem, so that the king would take it to heart. 20 “For your servant knows that I have sinned; therefore, behold, I have come today, the first of all the d house of Joseph to come down to meet my lord the king.” 21 But Abishai the son of Zeruiah said, “Should not Shimei be put to death for this, because he cursed the LORD ’s anointed?” 22 David said, “What e business is this of yours, you sons of Zeruiah, that you should be an adversary to me today? Should anyone be put to death in Israel today? For do I not know that today I am king over Israel?” 23 Therefore the king said to Shimei, “You shall not be put to death.” And so the king gave him his promise. [1 Kin 2:44–46 ] 24 Then Mephibosheth the [grand]son of Saul came down to meet the king, but he had not cared for his feet, nor trimmed his mustache, nor washed his clothes from the day the king left until the day he returned in peace and safety. 25 And when he came to Jerusalem to meet the king, the king said to him, “Why did you not go with me, Mephibosheth?” 26 He said, “My lord the king, my servant [Ziba] betrayed me; for I said, ‘Saddle a donkey for me so that I may ride on it and go with the king,’ for your servant is lame [but he took the donkeys and left without me].

• From Girls & Sex (2016)

  Sydney gazed down at the chipped black polish on her nails and began flipping one of her silver rings from finger to finger and back again. “I can’t,” she said after a moment. “My whole life is an attempt to figure out what, in the core of myself, I actually like versus what I want to hear from other people, or wanting to look a certain way to get attention. And part of me feels cheated out of my own well-being because of that.” Girls do push back against the constraints of “hot,” the contradictory message that it is mandatory yet also the justification for their harassment or assault. A spontaneous movement of “Slutwalks” exploded in 2011, after a Toronto policeman suggested that college women who wanted to avoid sexual assault shouldn’t dress so provocatively. Infuriated, young women across the globe, many in fishnets and garters, hit the streets bearing signs reading such things as “My Dress Is Not a Yes!” and “My Ass Is Not an Excuse for Assault!” At the other end of the spectrum, Generation Y made news both by growing out their armpit hair and rejecting the torture device commonly known as thong underwear (some in favor of “granny pants” with “Feminist” stamped across the rump), proving they could be sexy without pandering to “hot.” On a more personal level, one of the young women I met, an art student, told me that, tired of the “costume” that girls were expected to don at college parties, she was opting for a different one, showing up dressed as a sparkly unicorn. “I feel liberated,” she told me. “It’s still kind of body-conscious, and there is a lot of makeup involved, but I’m also fully covered. And I’m one-of-a-kind.” Hot or Not: Social Media and the New “Body Product” Girls did not always organize their thinking about themselves around the physical. Before World War I, self-improvement meant being less self-involved, less vain: helping others, focusing on schoolwork, becoming better read, and cultivating empathy. Author Joan Jacobs Brumberg highlighted this change in her book The Body Project by comparing the New Year’s resolutions of girls at the end of the nineteenth and twentieth centuries: “Resolved,” wrote a girl in 1892, “to think before speaking. To work seriously. To be self-restrained in conversations and actions. Not to let my thoughts wander. To be dignified. Interest myself more in others.” And one hundred years later: “I will try to make myself better in any way I possibly can. . . . I will lose weight, get new lenses, already got new haircut, good makeup, new clothes and accessories.”

• From Girls & Sex (2016)

  The boy lived several blocks off-campus, and claimed his car had broken down. So Holly, still dressed in the party clothes and high heels that had made her feel “proud of her body” the night before, made her way back to her sorority house alone. The so-called walk of shame is another aspect of hookup culture that calls out only young women’s behavior, since boys often wear the same clothing at parties that they’d wear during the day. Sometimes girls borrow something from a sexual partner (though they may never have occasion to return it), but as Megan told me, “Everyone knows when you’re in ‘shacker clothes’ and they’ll heckle you when you cross campus, like, ‘Ohhh! How was your night last night?’” Again, such harassment is typically leveled only at girls. Holly spent the rest of the day in sweat pants, crying and watching TV while her roommate hugged her. That was just two weeks before we met. “I’m not going to let it ruin my life,” she told me, her voice stalwart. “It’s not something that defines me. It was just something that happened, and I can’t get that drunk again.” While getting blackout drunk is never a good idea, and it seemed only natural for Holly to want to regain some sense of control, it troubled me that she placed all the blame on herself, on her drinking, rather than on the boy who took advantage of it. “I’d like to say he didn’t know how drunk I was,” she said. “But I don’t know. My friend who is in an organization that fights rape on campus said that by definition I couldn’t consent, so I was raped. And I almost . . .” she paused. “Not that I wish rape upon myself, but I hope I wasn’t sitting there saying, ‘Yeah, I want to have sex!’ Because that would go against everything that I’ve said about not having sex with a random person.” She shook her head and sighed. “I guess I’m fortunate that I don’t remember.”

• From The Incendiaries (2018)

  The loss restituted, a vital hurt made whole. But I’d been a kid when I tried to attain the same result; then, because I had to, I’d grown up. John Leal tapped my head. I surfaced, listing close to him. I caught my reflection in his pupils, but he fixed the blindfold back in place. – It didn’t seem like much of an initiation: a routine alcoholic hazing, I thought, at first. It wasn’t unlike what I’d done to join Phi Epsilon. Even the baptism had its parallel. In Gibb fountain, along with the other pledges, I’d stripped down to bright pink fishnet tights. I hula-hooped while shouting the college anthem in pig Latin. In hindsight, though, the Jejah initiation draws a dividing line. The meetings lengthened; activities changed. With John Leal’s urging, we whirled in circles until we fell. To spin us out of the head, he said, and into a waiting Lord. He assigned tasks to stipulated hours, psalm-based chants we had to recite. While my time with Jejah predated John Leal’s best-known penalties, I did spend a long evening in the Litton Street backyard digging a hole, then filling it back in. Since I was the newest initiate, I had the most to do. I was prideful, he said. I required breaking down. In the morning, I ran a prescribed five miles along the Hudson. I’d have liked to swim with Phoebe instead, but he kept the tasks separate. I followed his assignments, even in private. I intended, I thought, to avoid being found out. Since I was inauthentic, a fraud, I had to put on a good act to prove otherwise. With Phoebe, too, I hid what I was thinking. It wasn’t all lies, though. In giving my first confession, for instance, I tried to be truthful. I was asked to confront my failings: to cultivate openness before Jejah, he said, so before God. Sitting in the middle of the circle, I told them I hadn’t wanted to lose my faith. I’d proselytized to anyone who’d listen. I went house to house, selling Christ: a fanatic, and proud of it. I told them about the Beijing mission trip, then the shock of my father’s betrayal. I’d tried to help the parent I still had, but it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough. I’d knelt in the bedroom, asking one last time for a sign. Thin curtains fluttered, gauze-white, and I waited until I couldn’t, then I got up. It became hard to live at home. The walls were thin. In bed, I heard my mother’s frenzied petitions to God, asking Him to heal me. I thought of my father’s lot, atheist in a household bent on bringing him to Christ. It didn’t excuse what he’d done, but I could touch the edges of his solitude. Like him, I fled. I came here. I realized I had to lie— Oh, had to lie, John Leal said, impatient. I believed I had to lie, I said.

• From The Incendiaries (2018)

  I kept thinking I’d go to one last meeting, then quit. I went again. He noticed I fidgeted, and he advised I exercise, as they did. It’ll be good for you, he said. He sounded playful, but when I laughed, he didn’t. Unechoed, I heard an idiot, laughing at nothing. I stopped. He asked which kind of exercise I liked best. I told him I used to swim; he drew up a schedule. Before the piano, I’d loved being in the pool. I used to frolic with half-nereid L.A. friends: I showed off high flip dives, and I played Marco Polo until I lost my voice, but this wasn’t fun. He set goals. I kept a log. One dull lap blurred into the next, tired leg muscles singing. Push through, he urged. Each night, I thrashed across the school’s Olympic-sized pool. I watched myself, the blurred Phoebe ghost, glide along striped tiles. In time, I noticed more habits changing. I was drinking less, I realized. If I craved gin, I sipped tonic. I hadn’t known it, but I longed for discipline. It was part of the life I’d lost with the piano: a schedule, rigid expectations. With the six-plus hours I practiced each night, I’d had rules to bind me in place. They’d held me up. – I started playing the piano again, in Jejah, at John Leal’s request. I’d thought I couldn’t, but in a short while, as with the ongoing swims, I didn’t mind. Plinked single-octave hymns, simple chords that resolved, like finished stories, with each line: this wasn’t the music I’d failed. If I played well, or didn’t, I felt no pleasure. I didn’t have to be afraid. – So, I’d changed. It was possible. I often thought about what John Leal liked saying, that if we could believe all people existed in their minds as much as we did in our own, the rest followed. To love, he said, is but to imagine well. I pulled out this thought; I held it up, in private, turning it in the light as though I’d find in its prism gleam the Phoebe I could still become. – The next time my father called, I picked up, for once. I said hello. He asked how I was doing. We talked a bit. I tried imagining what he’d felt: this indulged first son, servant-coddled, chaebol hidalgo, used to getting what he wanted. Then, upheaval. Humiliation. Left behind in Seoul, trailing his wife and newborn child to L.A. He had to beg a month, alone in a hotel, before she’d let him live with us. His English was book- learned, ill-suited to fast-talking L.A. If he wished to buy cigarettes, the shop clerk asked him what he’d said. He had to point, like a child. The small Korean house church across town might have been a haven, the one place where he felt valued, whole.

• From Girls & Sex (2016)

  No wonder girls are insecure. Remember the shoulder push? The wordless gesture boys use to urge their partners downward? Young women had their own version, but it was a two-palmed shove away from the pelvis, a silent redirection to safer, if less erogenous, ground. Sam said that her ex-boyfriend, whom she had dated for a year, went down on her exactly twice during their relationship. Both times it was his idea. “It was not fun for me,” she said. “I was not comfortable with it at all. I guess because I’ve never been comfortable with my parts down there. It’s not something I find attractive. So I don’t like the idea of someone else down there.” To be fair, she said, he would “finger” her, but he had no idea what felt good; nor, since she had never masturbated, did she: even if she did know, she probably couldn’t have said it out loud. Mostly, he just inserted a finger and sort of rummaged around. Obviously, I wouldn’t expect girls to be fully aware of their sexual needs or able to articulate them easily—many adult women can’t do that even with long-term partners—but they are at a critical juncture in their development, learning foundational lessons about attraction, intimacy, arousal, sexual entitlement. Those early experiences can have a lasting impact on the understanding and enjoyment of their sexuality. So their aversion to their own genitals was disheartening. Watching girls squirm in response to my questions, I thought again about the images of female sexiness that assaulted them: Fergie’s “London Bridge” going down, Miley swinging naked on a wrecking ball, Beyoncé dancing in her scanties around her suit-clad husband, Nicki giving Drake a lap dance (tweeting beforehand that she had just knocked back some “confidence juice”). The culture is littered with female body parts, with clothes and posturing that purportedly express sexual confidence. But who cares how “proud” you are of your body’s appearance if you don’t enjoy its responses? One sophomore in college showed me photos from her Instagram feed in which she was dressed for a party in a leopard-print crop top, a tiny skirt, and skyscraper heels. Later in our interview she admitted, “I don’t enjoy getting oral sex. I am so in my head. All I think about is if I should tell him that it doesn’t feel good or if he’s getting tired or if he’s even grossed out?”

• From Girls & Sex (2016)

  Even so, she described how, at age thirteen, she slipped into a bedroom with her best friend’s older brother, a ninth-grader on whom she’d had a longtime crush. Although she had never kissed a boy, never held hands, never had a boyfriend, somehow—she doesn’t remember the details—she ended up going down on him. Afterward, he never mentioned the incident again, so neither did she. Her subsequent sexual experiences, a handful of casual hookups, haven’t been much different. “It’s always the same unspoken sequence,” she said. “You make out, then he feels you up, then you give him head, and that’s it. I think girls aren’t taught to express their wants. We’re these docile creatures that just learn to please.” “Wait a minute,” I countered. “Didn’t you just tell me about all the strong women role models in your family, about how you were loud and have a big personality and didn’t take shit?” “I know,” she said. “I think I didn’t realize . . .” She paused, trying to reconcile the contradiction. “I guess no one ever told me that the strong female image also applies to sex.” Discussions of sexual assault and consistent, enthusiastic consent are, thankfully, becoming more common on college and some high school campuses, yet if teens think of fellatio as not-sex (or not “anything”), if it’s thought of as an entitlement or considered an appeasement, then both girls’ right to say no and boys’ obligation to respect that are compromised, and the lines between consent and coercion and assault risk becoming blurred. “You know,” Anna mused, “in some ways giving head is a bigger deal than sex. Because it doesn’t necessarily do anything for me. So it’s like doing the person a favor because you love and care about them. And if it’s someone you’re dating, there’s an expectation that he’ll reciprocate. But in hookups, guys are typically really douchey about it. And there’s pressure for the girl to do it. So it’s about how comfortable you are resisting that pressure or not. It gets awkward to keep resisting.”

• From The Incendiaries (2018)

  Since I had Julian as a guide, I started meeting the Edwards students admitted into this pinnacle of learning with the single purpose, from what I could see, of having fun. To flaunt the privilege. In thrift-store ballgowns, they splashed through off-limits fountains. Champagne foamed like gold dissolving. Open up, like a good girl, Julian said, a white pill glinting in his palm. I tipped back my head. The pills split time. I flopped on the wet lawn to cool down. Light spilled from open doors. Drunks lurched, spun. Silhouettes flared into detail, then fizzled out again. I woke late, head muddled. Lunch lasted hours. I piled up invitations. I switched roles with Julian, taking him places. He followed along, gleeful. Don’t forget, though, he said. I’ve called dibs on you. Hands off, I tell them. She’s all mine. – Oh, but I wasn’t. Before Will, I had, for instance, the squash recruit who liked sucking toes. The poet who kept a ball pit in his suite’s living room. Girl bait, he said. The jazz flautist. Phil, who pissed in the hall closet because, late at night, he believed it to be a bathroom stall, and Tim, who lined his room with emptied wine bottles, like trophies. But no, I don’t mean to be glib. I got in the habit, with friends, Julian, of turning one-night flings into stories. The truth is, I wince if I think of that first month at Edwards. I recall it in pieces: ill-lit body parts, spit-glossed penises. Pinched nipples. Elbows and bad aim. They’d wheeze, then mild pain. Is that all right? they’d ask. I lied, to be kind. I drank a lot. In bars, I left full drinks unattended. Then, I gulped them down. If I failed to be careful, she might notice. She’d have to come back. One night, I put on the shortest dress I owned, and then I sat on a low wall on the edge of campus, legs dangling. Red lights spotted the intersection. I watched the crowd pass, thinking, Pick me up, until someone did. He didn’t have protection. It’s fine, I said. Go ahead. Downtown, in a split-level dive called Levi’s, I fell into conversation with Greg, a local, a high-school dropout in his thirties. I’d first met him because he sold Julian drugs. I went home with Greg, then I let him tie me to his bed. He fucked me through a hole he razored open in my tights. I shared a bottle of gin with him; I felt light-headed, ill, until I woke in a hospital bed. I was brought in throwing up, a nurse explained. No, I’d come in an ambulance. I had a little too much alcohol, but I’d be all right. The hospital had given me fluids. Hush, doll, she said. You’ll be fine.

• From Amplified Holy Bible (2015)

  And from man, from every man’s brother [that is, anyone who murders] I will require the life of man. [Ex 21:28 , 29 ] 6 “Whoever sheds man’s blood [unlawfully], By man (judicial government) shall his blood be shed, For in the image of God He made man. [Rom 13:4 ] 7 “As for you, be fruitful and multiply; Populate the earth abundantly and multiply in it.” 8 Then God spoke to Noah and to his sons with him, saying, 9 “Now behold, I am establishing My covenant (binding agreement, solemn promise) with you and with your descendants after you 10 and with every living creature that is with you—the birds, the livestock, and the wild animals of the earth along with you, of everything that comes out of the ark—every living creature of the earth. 11 “I will establish My covenant with you: Never again shall all flesh be cut off by the water of a flood, nor shall there ever again be a flood to destroy and ruin the earth.” 12 And God said, “This is the token (visible symbol, memorial) of the [solemn] covenant which I am making between Me and you and every living creature that is with you, for all future generations; 13 I set My rainbow in the clouds, and it shall be a sign of a covenant between Me and the earth. 14 “It shall come about, when I bring clouds over the earth, that the rainbow shall be seen in the clouds, 15 and I will [compassionately] remember My covenant, which is between Me and you and every living creature of all flesh; and never again will the water become a flood to destroy all flesh. 16 “When the rainbow is in the clouds and I look at it, I will [solemnly] remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is on the earth.” 17 And God said to Noah, “This [rainbow] is the sign of the covenant (solemn pledge, binding agreement) which I have established between Me and all living things on the earth.” 18 The sons of Noah who came out of the ark were Shem and Ham and Japheth. Ham would become the father of Canaan. 19 These are the three sons of Noah, and from these [men] the whole earth was populated and scattered with inhabitants. 20 And Noah began to farm and cultivate the ground and he planted a vineyard. 21 He drank some of the wine and became drunk, and he was uncovered and lay exposed inside his tent. 22 Ham, the father of Canaan, saw [by accident] the nakedness of his father, and [to his father’s shame] told his two brothers outside. 23 So Shem and Japheth took a robe and put it on both their shoulders, and walked backwards and covered the nakedness of their father; their faces were turned away so that they did not see their father’s nakedness.

• From Amplified Holy Bible (2015)

  20 Then the king commanded Hilkiah, Ahikam the son of Shaphan, Abdon the son of Micah, Shaphan the scribe, and Asaiah a servant of the king, saying, 21 “Go, inquire of the LORD for me and for those who are left in Israel and in Judah in regard to the words of the book which has been found; for great is the wrath of the LORD which has been poured out on us because our fathers have not kept and obeyed the word of the LORD , to act in accordance with everything that is written in this book.” Huldah, the Prophetess, Speaks 22 So Hilkiah and those whom the king had told went to Huldah the prophetess, the wife of Shallum the son of Tokhath, the son of Hasrah, keeper of the wardrobe (now she lived in Jerusalem, in the Second Quarter); and they spoke to her about this. 23 And she answered them, “Thus says the LORD , the God of Israel: ‘Tell the man who sent you to me, 24 thus says the LORD : “Behold, I am bringing evil on this place and on its inhabitants, all the curses that are written in the book which they have read in the presence of the king of Judah. 25 “Because they have abandoned (rejected) Me and have burned incense to other gods, in order to provoke Me to anger with all the works of their hands, a My wrath will be poured out on this place and it will not be extinguished.” ’ 26 “But you shall say the following to King Josiah of Judah, who sent you to inquire of the LORD : ‘Thus says the LORD God of Israel, concerning the words which you have heard, 27 “Because your heart was gentle and penitent and you humbled yourself before God when you heard His words against this place and its inhabitants, and humbled yourself before Me, and tore your clothes and wept before Me, I also have heard you,” declares the LORD . 28 “Behold, I will gather you to your fathers [in death], and you shall be gathered to your grave in peace, and your eyes shall not see all the evil which I am going to bring on this place and on its inhabitants.” ’ ” So they brought back word to the king. 29 Then the king sent word and gathered all the elders of Judah and Jerusalem. 30 And the king went up to the house of the LORD with all the men of Judah, the inhabitants of Jerusalem, the priests, the Levites, and all the people, from the greatest to the least; and he read aloud so they could hear all the words of the Book of the Covenant which was found in the house of the LORD .

• From Unbought and Unbossed: Transgressive Black Women, Sexuality, and Representation (2014)

  This attack on black women, their bodies, and character has long-standing historical underpinnings; and it has long been an issue with varying consequences for and responses from black women. To assert their subjectivity and contest pathologized sexual infamy, African American women of the early black women's club movement, in the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries, embraced dissemblance and propriety with regard to sexuality. In response to having been marked as morally/sexually depraved and outside the realm of womanhood-and the protection and attendant characteristics this designation provided-black women, mostly from the middle class, adopted respectability, propriety, and a politics of silence surrounding sexuality as a means to challenge their stigmatization as the quintessence of deviance. This cult of secrecy became deeply entrenched within various segments of the black community, manifesting especially, and assuming its most institutionalized form, in the black women's club movement.30 The efforts of these clubs, which joined together to form the National Association of Colored Women (NACW), were concomitantly subversive and recuperative. They not only actively challenged racism and sexism, but also sought to rescue black women and the larger black community from sexual and moral infamy by creating "positive" images and adopting conventional bourgeois propriety in regards to sexuality, morality, and domesticity. To this end, late-nineteenth - and earlytwentieth-century African American women writers, some of whom belonged to the National Association of Colored Women or other professional organizations and literary societies, were invested in portraying black people, specifically African American women, in accordance with a politics of respectability and the attendant strictures of the racial uplift paradigm. Frances Harper and Nella Larsen, for instance, created characters in compliance with respectability and the norms of their times, as examinations of Iola Leroy in Harper's Iola Leroy (1892) and Helga Crane in Larsen's Quicksand (1928) clearly demonstrate. Harper avoids representing Iola as a woman with sexual desire or longings. Moral and respectable, Iola glorifies motherhood and domesticity, all the while exuding "saintliness" and sexual repression. Helga, though appearing in literature nearly thirty-six years after Iola, is not much more progressive in terms of sexual empowerment, expression, or desire. Running from her sexuality and never confronting it or her sexual repression, Helga marries a fundamentalist preacher spontaneously and "prematurely"-with marriage being an institution in which sex is sanctioned and legitimated-not only confining herself to domesticity and motherhood, but becoming even more repressed and despondent.

• From Amplified Holy Bible (2015)

  Isaiah 30 Judah Warned against Egyptian Alliance 1 “W OE (JUDGMENT is coming) to the rebellious children,” declares the LORD , “Who carry out a plan, but not Mine, And make an alliance [by pouring out a libation], but not of My Spirit, In order to add sin to sin; 2 Who proceed down to Egypt Without consulting a Me, To take refuge in the stronghold of Pharaoh And to take shelter in the shadow of Egypt! 3 “Therefore the safety and protection of Pharaoh will be your shame And the refuge in the shadow of Egypt, your humiliation and disgrace. 4 “For his princes are at Zoan And his ambassadors arrive at Hanes [in Egypt]. 5 “All will be ashamed because of a people (the Egyptians) who cannot benefit them, Who are not a help or benefit, but a shame and also a disgrace.” 6 A [mournful, inspired] oracle (b a burden to be carried) concerning the beasts of the Negev (the South): Through a land of trouble and anguish, From c where come lioness and lion, viper and [fiery] flying serpent, They carry their riches on the shoulders of young donkeys And their treasures on the humps of camels, To a people (Egyptians) who cannot benefit them. 7 For Egypt’s help is worthless and good for nothing. Therefore, I have called her “Rahab Who Has Been Exterminated.” 8 Now, go, write it on a tablet before them And inscribe it on a scroll, So that it may serve in the time to come As a witness [against them] forevermore. 9 For this is a rebellious people, lying sons, Sons who refuse to listen to The law and instruction of the LORD ; 10 Who say to the seers, “You must not see visions from God”; And to the prophets, “You must not prophesy to us what is right! Speak to us pleasant things and smooth words, Prophesy [deceitful] illusions [that we will enjoy]. 11 “Get out of the [true] way, turn aside from the path [of God], Stop bothering us with the Holy One of Israel.” 12 Therefore, the Holy One of Israel says this, “Because you have refused and rejected this word [of Mine] And have put your trust in oppression and guile, and have relied on them, 13 Therefore this wickedness [this sin, this injustice, this wrongdoing] will be to you Like a crack [in a wall] about to fall, A bulge in a high wall, Whose collapse comes suddenly in an instant, 14 “Whose collapse is like the smashing of a potter’s jar, Crushed so savagely that there cannot be found among its pieces a potsherd [large enough] To take [coals of] fire from a fireplace, Or to scoop water from a cistern.” 15 For the Lord GOD , the Holy One of Israel has said this, “In returning [to Me] and rest you shall be saved, In quietness and confident trust is your strength.” But you were not willing, 16 And you said, “No!

• From Hot Rods: Gay Erotic Stories (2011)

  “Really?” He squeezed Teddy’s skull for a moment. “How do I know you’re not lying to me?” “I’m not, sir.” “Oh, I think you’re probably not. So, what is it? You saw my bike and you just lost all sense of control?” The tank was entirely clean of cum at that point, but Howard didn’t let him lift his head. The tongue bath continued, and the smell of gasoline filled his head. Would he always link gasoline to that moment? Would he be able to fill up his car without getting a hard-on? Teddy suspected the answer to that question was no, especially since he wanted to beg Howard to never let go of him. “I couldn’t…I couldn’t help myself, sir.” “Is that a fact?” “Yes, sir.” “Because it’s my bike?” “Yes, sir.” The words were barely out of his mouth before he cried out with shock and pain. Howard’s fingers were closed around his balls like a vise, squeezing him through the denim of his shorts. He didn’t try to twist away—but only because he didn’t want to risk tipping the bike. “You like this, too?” “I…” “Don’t lie to me, boy.” “Yes, sir.” “Get down off that bike. It’s not yours.” As soon as Howard released him, Teddy scrambled off the bike. A hard hand on his shoulder forced him to the dirty floor. It put him eye-level with Howard’s cock, and his erection seemed even more massive from that vantage. Every muscle in his body strained forward, and he wanted to close his mouth over the hard line and bite him through the thick denim. “Get down on your hands and knees. Like a dog.” Teddy dropped forward without protest. His cock hung between his legs, poking out through his open fly. He wished he could tuck himself back in his pants. Or take off his shorts completely. “You like the taste of dirt and oil so much? Lick my boots.” “Sir?” “Lick them.” Teddy looked up through his lashes, staring at Howard’s face, looking for any sort of sign. The man’s features were impassive, his eyes small and impossible to read. Teddy lowered his head slowly, giving Howard ample time to tell him to stop, that he was just kidding, that this was ridiculous. But Howard didn’t speak. He didn’t move—not even a twitch. And Teddy had no choice but to lick the tip, wincing at the strong taste of the road—asphalt, and exhaust, and oil, and leather, and heat. “Again. Lick the other one.”

• From Girls & Sex (2016)

  Christina and Ethan were together for about six months. She never regretted losing her virginity with him, but once they broke up, she wondered, what now? “Am I going to be a person who only sleeps with people if I’m in a serious relationship? Do I want to make a rule that I’ll go on a certain amount of dates with someone before I sleep with him? And if I do sleep with another person, that would bring my number to two. Do I care about that number?” The “number” was a common source of concern among girls. Even those who felt that virginity was a vestige of another time wondered how many sexual partners was too many. (The “number,” like virginity itself, included only intercourse—no one counted boys with whom, say, they’d had oral sex.) Losing their virginity in itself may not have tainted them, but was it possible to go too far? The stigma of the slut, the girl who was overly and overtly sexual, who allowed herself to be used, still held: their character could still be compromised, for themselves as well as others, by their sexual activity. “I guess I would feel icky if my number started to climb into the double digits,” Brooke admitted. She glanced over at Christina, who was counting on her fingers, silently enumerating Brooke’s lovers. “Stop that!” she snapped, laughing, and then grew serious. “I feel that sex is important. I don’t want to have sex with people who don’t mean something to me. And I’m not old enough yet to have had that many partners who do mean something.” Caitlin shook her head and pushed impatiently at her glasses. “I kind of don’t feel that way,” she said. “I feel like I could have sex with someone and it could mean nothing. I remember the first person I had sex with after the guy I’d been with for three years. It was so surprising that it could feel . . . emotionally light, just fun and relaxed and easy. “And what is that, anyway, to ‘mean something’?” she continued. “Does it mean you have to love the person? Could it be about an out-of-body experience? Could it just be that this person was a good person and I appreciated how generous they were? Isn’t that meaningful?” Brooke shrugged, picking at her nail polish. “Maybe it’s my own self-consciousness. For me, saying no is so hard under any circumstances, even to a favor for a friend. So I can see myself accidentally letting things escalate with someone I didn’t want them to escalate with, and that wouldn’t feel good to me. But I guess if I was turned on by someone who I wasn’t into emotionally . . . I can’t really imagine it, but that would be okay.”

• From The Well of Loneliness (1928)

  The walls of the room were hung with mirrors thickly painted with cupids, thickly sullied by flies. A faint blend of odours was wafted from the kitchen which stood in proximity to the toilet. The host rose at once and shook hands with his guests. Every bar had its social customs, it seemed. At the Ideal one must share Monsieur Pujol’s lewd jokes; at Le Narcisse one must gravely shake hands with the Patron . The Patron was tall and exceedingly thin—a clean-shaven man with the mouth of an ascetic. His cheeks were delicately tinted with rouge, his eyelids delicately shaded with kohl; but the eyes themselves were an infantile blue, reproachful and rather surprised in expression. For the good of the house, Dickie ordered champagne; it was warm and sweet and unpleasantly heady. Only Jeanne and Mary and Dickie herself had the courage to sample this curious beverage. Wanda stuck to her brandy and Pat to her beer, while Stephen drank coffee; but Valérie Seymour caused some confusion by gently insisting on a lemon squash—to be made with fresh lemons. Presently the guests began to arrive in couples. Having seated themselves at the tables, they quickly became oblivious to the world, what with the sickly champagne and each other. From a hidden recess there emerged a woman with a basket full of protesting roses. The stout vendeuse wore a wide wedding ring—for was she not a most virtuous person? But her glance was both calculating and shrewd as she pounced upon the more obvious couples; and Stephen watching her progress through the room, felt suddenly ashamed on behalf of the roses. And now at a nod from the host there was music; and now at a bray from the band there was dancing. Dickie and Wanda opened the ball—Dickie stodgy and firm, Wanda rather unsteady. Others followed. Then Mary leant over the table and whispered: ‘Won’t you dance with me, Stephen?’ Stephen hesitated, but only for a moment. Then she got up abruptly and danced with Mary. The handsome young man with the tortured eyebrows was bowing politely before Valérie Seymour. Refused by her, he passed on to Pat, and to Jeanne’s great amusement was promptly accepted. Brockett arrived and sat down at the table. He was in his most prying and cynical humour. He watched Stephen with coldly observant eyes, watched Dickie guiding the swaying Wanda, watched Pat in the arms of the handsome young man, watched the whole bumping, jostling crowd of dancers. The blended odours were becoming more active. Brockett lit a cigarette. ‘Well, Valérie darling? You look like an outraged Elgin marble. Be kind, dear, be kind; you must live and let live, this is life. . . .’ And he waved his soft, white hands. ‘Observe it—it’s very wonderful, darling. This is life, love, defiance, emancipation!’

• From Amplified Holy Bible (2015)

  Let him dress the man whom the king delights to honor [in the royal robe] and lead him on horseback through the open square of the city, and proclaim before him, ‘This is what shall be done for the man whom the king desires to honor.’ ” Haman Must Honor Mordecai 10 Then the king said to Haman, “Quickly take the royal robe and the horse, as you have said, and do this for Mordecai the Jew, who is sitting at the king’s gate. Leave out nothing of all that you have said.” 11 So Haman took the royal robe and the horse and dressed Mordecai, and led him on horseback through the open square of the city, proclaiming before him, “This is what shall be done for the man whom the king desires to honor.” 12 Then Mordecai returned to the king’s gate. But Haman hurried to his [own] house, mourning and with his head covered [in sorrow]. 13 Then Haman told Zeresh his wife and all his friends everything that had happened to him. Then his wise counselors and his wife Zeresh said to him, “If Mordecai, before whom you have begun to fall in status, is of Jewish heritage, you will not overcome him, but will certainly fall before him.” 14 While they were still speaking with him, the king’s eunuchs (attendants) arrived and hurriedly brought Haman to the banquet which Esther had prepared. Esther 7 Esther’s Plea 1 S O THE king and Haman came to drink wine with Esther the queen. 2 And the king said to Esther on the second day also as they drank their wine, “What is your petition, Queen Esther? It shall be granted to you. And what is your request? Even to half of the kingdom, it shall be done.” 3 Then Queen Esther replied, “If I have found favor in your sight, O king, and if it pleases the king, let my life be spared as my petition, and my people [be spared] as my request; 4 for we have been sold, I and my people, to be destroyed, killed and wiped out of existence. Now if we had only been sold as slaves, men and women, I would have remained silent, for our hardship would not be sufficient to burden the king [by even mentioning it].” 5 Then King Ahasuerus (Xerxes) asked Queen Esther, “Who is he, and where is he, who dares to do such a thing?” 6 Esther said, “An adversary and an enemy is Haman, this evil man.” Then Haman became terrified before the king and queen. Haman Is Hanged 7 Then in his fury, the king stood up from drinking wine and went into the palace garden [to decide what he should do]; but Haman stayed to plead for his life from Queen Esther, for he saw that harm had been determined against him by the king.

• From Amplified Holy Bible (2015)

  In her mating season who can restrain her? No males seeking her need to weary themselves; In her month they will find her [looking for them]. 25 “[Cease your mad running after idols to] Keep your feet from becoming bare And your throat from becoming dry; But you said, ‘It is hopeless! For I have loved strangers and foreign gods, And I will walk after them.’ 26 “As the thief is shamed when he is caught, So the house of Israel is shamed— They, their kings, their leaders, Their priests, and their prophets— 27 Who say to a tree, ‘You are my father,’ And to a stone, ‘You gave me birth.’ For they have turned their backs to Me, And not their faces; But in the time of their trouble they will say, ‘Arise [O LORD ] and save us.’ 28 “But where are your gods Which you made for yourself? Let them get up, if they can save you In the time of your trouble! For [as many as] the number of your cities Are your gods, O Judah. [Why do not your many man-made idols run to help you?] 29 “Why do you complain and contend with Me? You have all rebelled (transgressed) against Me,” says the LORD . 30 “In vain I have punished your people [with the consequences of their disobedience]; They received no insight from correction [and refused to change]. Your [own] sword has devoured your prophets Like a destroying lion. 31 “O generation [that you are], consider and regard carefully the word of the LORD . Have I been a wilderness to Israel [like a land without food], A land of thick and deep darkness [like a path without light]? Why do My people say, ‘We [have broken loose and we] are free to roam [at will]; We will no longer come to You’? 32 “Can a virgin forget [to wear] her ornaments, Or a bride her attire [that identifies her as a married woman]? Yet My people have forgotten Me Days without number. 33 “How well you prepare your path To seek and obtain [adulterous] love! Even the most wicked of women Have learned [indecent] ways from you. 34 “Also on your skirts is found The lifeblood of the innocent poor; You did not find them breaking in [a house]. But in spite of all these things [your disobedience, your love of idolatry, your lack of compassion]— 35 Yet you keep saying, ‘I am innocent; Surely His anger has turned away from me.’ Behold (listen very carefully), I will bring you to judgment and will plead my case against you Because you say, ‘I have not sinned.’ 36 “Why do you go around and wander so much Changing your way? Also, you will be shamed by Egypt As you were shamed by Assyria.

• From Girls & Sex (2016)

  Women’s feelings about their genitals have been directly linked to their enjoyment of sex. College women in one study who were uncomfortable with their genitalia were not only less sexually satisfied and had fewer orgasms than others but were more likely to engage in risky behavior. (Boys were the opposite: those who felt positively about their penises were more likely to engage in risky sexual behavior.) Another study, of more than four hundred undergraduates, found that early engagement in fellatio led to feelings of inferiority and low self-worth among girls; by contrast, cunnilingus at the same young age was associated with greater self-awareness, sexual openness, and assertiveness. Young women who feel confident masturbating during sex, meanwhile, more than double their odds of orgasm in either hookups or relationships. So how young girls feel about “down there” matters. It matters a lot. The Psychological Clitoridectomy Sex is probably not the first thing that jumps to mind when you think about Indiana. But it happens that the state university in Bloomington is home to the Kinsey Institute, a center of research on sexual health founded by biologist Alfred Kinsey. I flew there one icy winter afternoon to meet Debby Herbenick, an associate professor at IU’s School of Public Health. Herbenick, who is also a sex columnist and the author of books such as Sex Made Easy, was the very picture of the modern sexpert: in her late thirties, with long, dark hair and cocker spaniel eyes, and dressed in a chic houndstooth minidress with over-the-knee boots. Her own research is in an area called genital self-image: how people feel about their private parts. Over the past few years, she said, young women’s genital self-image has been under siege, with more pressure on them than ever to see their vulvas as unacceptable in their natural state: “They need to shave them, decorate them, or otherwise groom before sex,” she said. “There’s this real sense of shame as a girl if you don’t have your genitals prepared, a real sense that there is a possibility someone will judge them.”

• From Amplified Holy Bible (2015)

  8 “Nevertheless they will become his slaves, so that they may know [the difference between] My service and the service of the kingdoms of the countries.” Plunder Impoverishes Judah 9 So Shishak king of Egypt went up against Jerusalem; he took the treasures of the house of the LORD and the treasures of the king’s house (palace). He took everything. He even took the shields of gold which Solomon had made. 10 In their place King Rehoboam made shields of bronze and entrusted them to the care of the officers of the guard who guarded the door of the king’s house. 11 And whenever the king entered the house of the LORD , the guards came and carried the shields and then brought them back into the guards’ room. 12 When Rehoboam humbled himself, the wrath of the LORD turned away from him, so as not to destroy him completely; and also conditions were good in Judah. 13 So King Rehoboam established himself in Jerusalem and reigned. Rehoboam was forty-one years old when he began to reign, and he reigned seventeen years in Jerusalem, the city in which the LORD had chosen from all the tribes of Israel to put His Name. And his mother was Naamah the Ammonitess. 14 He did evil because he did not set his heart to seek and worship and honor the LORD . 15 Now the acts of Rehoboam, from the first to the last, are they not written in the records of Shemaiah the prophet and of Iddo the seer, according to genealogical enrollment? There were wars between Rehoboam [of Judah] and Jeroboam [of Israel] continually. 16 And Rehoboam slept with his fathers [in death] and was buried in the City of David; and Abijah his son became king in his place. 2 Chronicles 13 Abijah Succeeds Rehoboam 1 I N THE eighteenth year of King Jeroboam, Abijah became king over Judah. 2 He reigned three years in Jerusalem. His mother’s name was Micaiah the daughter of Uriel of Gibeah. A nd there was war between Abijah and Jeroboam [of Israel]. 3 Abijah began the battle with an army of brave soldiers, 400,000 chosen men. Jeroboam drew up in battle formation against him with 800,000 chosen men, valiant men. Civil War 4 Then Abijah stood on Mount Zemaraim, which is in the hill country of Ephraim, and said, “Listen to me, Jeroboam and all Israel: 5 “Do you not know that the LORD God of Israel, gave rule over Israel forever to David and to his sons by a covenant of a salt [a permanent pact, extending to each generation of Israel]?

• From The Well of Loneliness (1928)

  The Vicar would soon play a sterner game than cricket, while Alec must put away his law books and take unto himself a pair of wings — funny to associate wings with Alec. Colonel Antrim had hastily got into khaki and was cursing and swearing, no doubt, at the barracks. And Roger — Roger was somewhere in France already, justifying his manhood. Roger Antrim, who had been so intolerably proud of that manhood — well, now he would get a chance to prove it! But Jonathan Brockett, with the soft white hands, and the foolish gestures, and the high little laugh — even he could justify his existence, for they had not refused him when he went to enlist. Stephen had never thought to feel envious of a man like Jona- than Brockett. She sat smoking, with his letter spread out before her on the desk, his absurd yet courageous letter, and somehow it humbled her pride to the dust, for she could not so justify her existence. Every instinct handed down by the men of her race, every decent instinct of courage, now rose to mock her so that all that was male in her make-up seemed to grow more aggressive, aggressive perhaps as never before, because of this new frustration. She felt appalled at the realization of her own grotesqueness; she was nothing but a freak abandoned on a kind of no-man’s-land at this moment of splendid national endeavour. England was call- ing her men into battle, her women to the bedsides of the wounded and dying, and between these two chivalrous, surging forces she, Stephen, might well be crushed out of existence — of less use to her country, she was, than Brockett. She stared at her bony masculine hands, they had never been skilful when it came to illness; strong they might be, but rather inept; not hands where- with to succour the wounded. No, assuredly her job, if job she could find, would not lie at the bedsides of the wounded. And yet, good God, one must do something! Going to the door she called in the servants: ‘ I’m leaving for England in a few days,’ she told them. ‘and while I’m THE WELL OF LONELINESS 307 away you'll take care of this house. I have absolute confidence in you.’ Pierre said: ‘ All things shall be done as you would wish, Mademoiselle.” And she knew that it would be so. That evening she told Puddle of her decision, and Puddle’s face brightened: ‘I’m so glad, my dear, when war comes one ought to stand by one’s country.’ ‘Pm afraid they won’t want my sort . . .’ Stephen muttered. Puddle put a firm little hand over hers: ‘I wouldn’t be too sure of that, this war may give your sort of woman her chance. I think you may find that they’ll need you, Stephen.’ 3 THERE were no farewells to be said in Paris except those to Buis- sion and Mademoiselle Duphot.