Relief

Passages

Every passage tagged with this emotion in the Vela corpus. Search the body text, narrow by source or register, click through to a book’s profile to see how the passage sits with the rest of the work.

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• From History of the Christian Church: The Complete Set of Eight Volumes (1858)

  What he could not do in person, he carried out through others.23 In the year 596, Gregory, remembering his interview with the sweet-faced and fair-haired Anglo-Saxon slave-boys, and hearing of a favorable opportunity for a mission, sent the Benedictine abbot Augustin (Austin), thirty other monks, and a priest, Laurentius, with instructions, letters of recommendation to the Frank kings and several bishops of Gaul, and a few books, to England.24 The missionaries, accompanied by some interpreters from France, landed on the isle of Thanet in Kent, near the mouth of the Thames.25 King Ethelbert, by his marriage to Bertha, a Christian princess from Paris, who had brought a bishop with her, was already prepared for a change of religion. He went to meet the strangers and received them in the open air; being afraid of some magic if he were to see them under roof. They bore a silver cross for their banner, and the image of Christ painted on a board; and after singing the litany and offering prayers for themselves and the people whom they had come to convert, they preached the gospel through their Frank interpreters. The king was pleased with the ritualistic and oratorical display of the new religion from distant, mighty Rome, and said: "Your words and promises are very fair; but as they are new to us and of uncertain import, I cannot forsake the religion I have so long followed with the whole English nation. Yet as you are come from far, and are desirous to benefit us, I will supply you with the necessary sustenance, and not forbid you to preach and to convert as many as you can to your religion."26 Accordingly, he allowed them to reside in the City of Canterbury (Dorovern, Durovernum), which was the metropolis of his kingdom, and was soon to become the metropolis of the Church of England. They preached and led a severe monastic life. Several believed and were baptized, "admiring," as Bede says, "the simplicity of their innocent life, and the sweetness of their heavenly doctrine." He also mentions miracles. Gregory warned Augustin not to be puffed up by miracles, but to rejoice with fear, and to tremble in rejoicing, remembering what the Lord said to his disciples when they boasted that even the devils were subject to them. For not all the elect work miracles, and yet the names of all are written in heaven.27 King Ethelbert was converted and baptized (probably June 2, 597), and drew gradually his whole nation after him, though he was taught by the missionaries not to use compulsion, since the service of Christ ought to be voluntary. Augustin, by order of pope Gregory, was ordained archbishop of the English nation by Vergilius,28 archbishop of Arles, Nov. 16, 597, and became the first primate of England, with a long line of successors even to this day. On his return, at Christmas, he baptized more than ten thousand English.

• From History of the Christian Church: The Complete Set of Eight Volumes (1858)

  In the expectation of the approaching judgment, crowds of pilgrims flocked to Palestine to greet the advent of the Saviour. But the first millennium passed, and Christendom awoke with a sigh of relief on the first day of the year 1001. Benedict VIII., and Emperor Henry II. Upon the whole the Saxon emperors were of great service to the papacy: they emancipated it from the tyranny of domestic political factions, they restored it to wealth, and substituted worthy occupants for monstrous criminals. During the next reign the confusion broke out once more. The anti-imperial party regained the ascendency, and John Crescentius, the son of the beheaded consul, ruled under the title of Senator and Patricius. But the Counts of Tusculum held the balance of power pretty evenly, and gradually superseded the house of Crescentius. They elected Benedict VIII. (1012–1024), a member of their family; while Crescentius and his friends appointed an anti-pope (Gregory). Benedict proved a very energetic pope in the defence of Italy against the Saracens. He forms the connecting link between the Ottonian and the Hildebrandian popes. He crowned Henry II, (1014), as the faithful patron and protector simply, not as the liege-lord, of the pope. This last emperor of the Saxon house was very devout, ascetic, and liberal in endowing bishoprics. He favored clerical celibacy. He aimed earnestly at a moral reformation of the church. He declared at a diet, that he had made Christ his heir, and would devote all he possessed to God and his church. He filled the vacant bishoprics and abbeys with learned and worthy men; and hence his right of appointment was not resisted. He died after a reign of twenty-two years, and was buried at his favorite place, Bamberg in Bavaria, where he had founded a bishopric (1007). He and his chaste wife, Kunigunde, were canonized by the grateful church (1146).294 The Tusculan Popes. Benedict IX. With Benedict VIII. the papal dignity became hereditary in the Tusculan family. He had bought it by open bribery. He was followed by his brother John XIX., a layman, who bought it likewise, and passed in one day through all the clerical degrees. After his death in 1033, his nephew Theophylact, a boy of only ten or twelve years of age,295 ascended the papal throne under the name of Benedict IX. (1033–1045). His election was a mere money bargain between the Tusculan family and the venal clergy and populace of Rome. Once more the Lord took from Jerusalem and Judah the stay and the staff, and gave children to be their princes, and babes to rule over them.296 This boy-pope fully equaled and even surpassed John XII. in precocious wickedness. He combined the childishness of Caligala and the viciousness of Heliogabalus.297 He grew worse as he advanced in years. He ruled like a captain of banditti, committed murders and adulteries in open day-light, robbed pilgrims on the graves of martyrs, and turned Rome into a den of thieves.

• From History of the Christian Church: The Complete Set of Eight Volumes (1858)

  Irene convened the seventh oecumenical council in the year 787, at Nicaea, which was less liable to iconoclastic disturbances than Constantinople, yet within easy reach of the court, and famous as the seat of the first and weightiest oecumenical council. It was attended by about three hundred and fifty bishops,544 under the presidency of Tarasius, and held only eight sessions from September 24 to October 23, the last in the imperial palace of Constantinople. Pope Hadrian I. sent two priests, both called Peter, whose names stand first in the Acts. The three Eastern patriarchs, who were subject to the despotic rule of the Saracens, could not safely leave their homes; but two Eastern monks, John, and Thomas, who professed to be syncelli of two of these patriarchs and to have an accurate knowledge of the prevailing orthodoxy of Egypt and Syria, were allowed to sit and vote in the place of those dignitaries, although they had no authority from them, and were sent simply by a number of their fellow-monks.545 The Nicene Council nullified the decrees of the iconoclastic Synod of Constantinople, and solemnly sanctioned a limited worship (proskynesis) of images.546 Under images were understood the sign of the cross, and pictures of Christ, of the Virgin Mary, of angels and saints. They may be drawn in color or composed of Mosaic or formed of other suitable materials, and placed in churches, in houses, and in the street, or made on walls and tables, sacred vessels and vestments. Homage may be paid to them by kissing, bowing, strewing of incense, burning of lights, saying prayers before them; such honor to be intended for the living objects in heaven which the images represented. The Gospel book and the relics of martyrs were also mentioned among the objects of veneration. The decree was fortified by a few Scripture passages about the Cherubim (Ex. 25:17–22; Ezek. 41:1, 15, 19; Heb. 9:1–5), and a large number of patristic testimonies, genuine and forged, and alleged miracles performed by images.547 A presbyter testified that he was cured from a severe sickness by a picture of Christ. Bishop after bishop, even those who had been members of the Synod of 754, renounced his iconoclastic opinions, and large numbers exclaimed together: "We all have sinned, we all have erred, we all beg forgiveness." Some professed conscientious scruples, but were quieted when the Synod resolved that the violation of an oath which was contrary to the law of God, was no perjury. At the request of one of the Roman delegates, an image was brought into the assembly, and reverently kissed by all. At the conclusion, the assembled bishops exclaimed unanimously: "Thus we believe. This is the doctrine of the apostles. Anathema upon all who do not adhere to it, who do not salute the images, who call them idols, and who charge the Christians with idolatry. Long life to the emperors! Eternal memory to the new Constantine and the new Helena! God protect their reign!

• From Whipping Girl: A Transsexual Woman on Sexism and the Scapegoating of Femininity (2007)

  One question that many queer-identified friends asked me back when I was crossdressing was why it was so important for me to “pass” as a woman. Their concern seemed to stem from the common use of the term “pass” in lesbian and gay communities as a synonym for “hide” (i.e., a gay male who “passes” for straight is typically assumed to be hiding or playing down his queerness). This use of the word “pass” is completely different from its use in the transgender community, where it typically refers to whether one is appropriately gendered as the sex one identifies or presents oneself as. From my perspective as a crossdresser, what gay people call “passing” (i.e., hiding) was what I did every day when I lived as male. In contrast, when I dressed and “passed” (in the transgender sense) as a woman, it was a rare moment of being “out” for me, of having others see and acknowledge a part of me that I normally kept hidden. Eventually, having other people gender me as female became demystified. While I still enjoyed it (as I did with the mirror moments), it was no longer enough in and of itself to ease the gender dissonance that I felt. It was at this point that I moved into the “interactive stage,” when I began to go out with other people while I was crossdressed. While I had come out to a number of friends as a crossdresser during my public stage, I now began cultivating relationships with people who primarily or solely knew me when I was in girl-mode. More often than not, these were people who I met via personal ads and who were aware that I was a crossdresser from the start. Over an extremely intense two-year period of my life, I sort of lived a dual life, where I was in boy-mode most of the time, but about one or two times per week I would go out and interact with others (often on dates) as a woman. Some of the people I saw during this period were men who might be described as admirers of MTF spectrum people. With them, I primarily engaged in role-playing relationships in which we would create sexually charged scenarios based on exaggerations of gender stereotypes. While many people assume that male “tranny chasers” are closeted homosexuals who are turned on by the “guy” (or the “penis”) under the dress, all of the men who I role-played with were primarily attracted to women and, in particular, to femininity. In conversations I had with them, each said that what attracted them to MTF spectrum people was the extreme femininity that many of us (including myself at the time) sometimes displayed. For me, these role-playing experiences were important in helping me demystify the connection between femininity and sexuality.

• From Available: The unfiltered and empowering new memoir for women about sex, dating and divorce after 40 (2021)

  Have I misunderstood doctors all these years, thinking their authority and omnipotence offer a safe cushion when actually they just adhere to a lot of rigid rules and impenetrable order? Finally I glance at my watch and widen my eyes as I pretend to notice the time and he gets the hint, paying the bill as I watch obediently. As we walk down the block, he asks me what I like to drink. I list my top choices: tequila, wine, Prosecco, but he wants to know specifically if I like champagne. “Sure, I like champagne,” I say. “OK, great, let’s make a plan to drink champagne together,” he says, then gives me a kiss on the lips and we part. I squeeze my eyes shut and grimace as I walk away. I have to learn how to be quicker on these dates – that’s the point of coffee and not a meal – just a quick in and out. Why do I always feel like I have to make myself so available? Why do I make myself seem interested when I could save everyone a lot of time and trouble by politely rising after an hour, shaking hands and saying a noncommittal, “Bye then, nice to have met you.” With this newly formed commitment to forthrightness spurring me on, I shoot off a text to Karl, who has followed up his sunshine and roses text with a photo of himself standing in a field of sunflowers. “Hey Karl, it was lovely to get to know you. You’re a genuinely kind and sincere man. I get the feeling that you want more out of dating than I do right now. I’m early in this process and want to be casual with anyone I date, which seems incongruous with what you’re looking for. Thank you for letting me see that there are good men out there,” I write. He writes back immediately, “I had a feeling when I didn’t hear back from you earlier. I’m not looking for anything serious, I just like you and it’s been a while since I’ve enjoyed being with a woman. Good luck. You have my number if you change your mind.” I feel immense relief that I have gracefully extricated myself. * Next up: Jeff, a lawyer who meets me in the garden of a wine bar in my neighborhood. Over glasses of Chardonnay, we talk about our kids, their schools, our backgrounds, finally resorting to the weather when our well runs dry. He tells me a story with minutes of build-up and I keep waiting for the punchline but then realize with dismay that there isn’t one. When the waitress asks if we want another glass and he says sure, my heart sinks. I can usually make small talk like it’s an Olympic sport, but either I’ve utterly exhausted myself or he’s hopeless.

• From Whipping Girl: A Transsexual Woman on Sexism and the Scapegoating of Femininity (2007)

  Now, if we were to attempt to account for this phenomenon in the simplest way and with the least number of assumptions, we might suggest that some crossdressers (like their transsexual female counterparts) also have a female subconscious sex. However, in a world where women are regularly assumed to be “naturally” feminine and attracted to men, MTF spectrum trans people who do not meet those expectations may have a more difficult time considering the possibility that becoming female and living as a woman is a realistic option for them. So they may initially gravitate toward a crossdresser identity because it seems to be the only viable alternative for them. This was most certainly true in my case. For me, it was only after I fully explored crossdressing (eventually finding it to be insufficient to ease my gender dissonance), and had the opportunity to meet several trans women who did not fit the “classic” transsexual archetype, that I realized that it was actually possible for me to physically transition and live as a somewhat nonconforming woman with regard to gender and sexuality. While a subconscious sex that is independent of sexual orientation and gender expression (as I have previously described in chapter 6 , “Intrinsic Inclinations”) may be the simplest and soundest model to explain why some male crossdressers eventually come to see themselves as trans women, it has not sat well with certain psychiatrists. This is presumably because the existence of nonheterosexual and nonfeminine trans women entirely undermines the predator/prey logic that these researchers take as a given. In the late 1980s, in an apparent attempt to reconcile this issue, psychologist Ray Blanchard put forward a different (and more confounding) model to explain MTF transgenderism. 9 His theory creates a new dichotomy between what he calls autogynephilic and homosexual transsexuals, which recapitulates the predator/prey dichotomy. While Blanchard’s controversial theory is built upon a number of incorrect and unfounded assumptions, and there are many methodological flaws in the data he offers to support it, it has garnered some acceptance in the psychiatric literature and gained mainstream attention with the publication of psychologist J. Michael Bailey’s book The Man Who Would Be Queen . 10 According to Blanchard’s model, “homosexual” transsexuals are trans women who are feminine and exclusively attracted to men (the confusing nomenclature arises from Blanchard’s and other psychiatrists’ practice of viewing trans women as “males”).

• From Whipping Girl: A Transsexual Woman on Sexism and the Scapegoating of Femininity (2007)

  This dependent relationship was instituted by the Harry Benjamin International Gender Dysphoria Association (HBIGDA), a professional organization that sets the guidelines for the “psychiatric, psychological, medical, and surgical management of gender identity disorders.” 1 Until 1998, The HBIGDA Standards of Care stated that “[a]ny and all recommendations for sex reassignment surgery and hormone therapy should be made only by clinical behavioral scientists.” 2 Because these medical procedures are prerequisites for obtaining legal change of sex in the United States, the psychiatric community (as well as other psychologists, physicians, and sexologists who had a hand in establishing the standards of care) has become positioned as “gatekeepers” of medical and legal sex reassignment. During the last half century, this group has amassed a large body of research on the subjects of transsexuality and transgenderism that has very much shaped the way our culture views and values transgender people, as well as how transgender people come to understand themselves. However, this body of research, though presented as “scientific” and “objective,” reveals more about the researchers’ biases and assumptions than it does about the transgender population. Oppositional Sexism and Sex Reassignment As I mentioned in previous chapters, trans people (who have a subconscious sex that is not in concordance with their physical sex) often suffer from gender dissonance, which is best thought of as the psychological strain of having to constantly pretend to be a member of a gender with which they do not identify. Over the years, sexologists have tried everything imaginable to “cure” trans people of gender dissonance, including psychoanalysis, aversion and electroshock therapies, administering assigned-sex-consistent hormones (i.e., androgens for male-bodied trans people, estrogens for female-bodied trans people) and psychotropic drugs—all to no avail. The only thing that has ever been shown to successfully alleviate gender dissonance is allowing the trans person to live in their identified gender. 3 There is an extraordinary amount of historical and anthropological evidence to further support this strategy, as trans people across cultures and throughout history have chosen to live as members of the other sex, often taking on the roles, manner of dress, and/or occupations associated with their identified genders and, in some cases, physically and hormonally altering their bodies via castration. 4 In the last century, advances in medicine have offered trans people the opportunity to physically transition (via hormones and surgery) in addition to socially transitioning. One of the most prominent advocates for allowing this option was endocrinologist Harry Benjamin (for whom HBIGDA was later named). Benjamin’s first encounter with trans people took place in the early 1920s, when an MTF spectrum individual sought his help in obtaining female hormones in order to induce female development—a request which Benjamin eventually fulfilled and which led to “emotional improvement” on the part of the trans person.

• From Available: The unfiltered and empowering new memoir for women about sex, dating and divorce after 40 (2021)

  I turn back to see him pull out his wallet and hand her a $5 bill, then pluck a rose from her pile to present to me. I am moved that he bought a flower from her, as it’s rare I stop for anyone on the street. “She’s just a kid, out here at this hour,” he says. “I always think of my daughters.” “That was nice of you,” I say. “I’m always worried I’m getting hustled.” We are standing under the canopy outside my building now. “Do you want to come up for a little while?” I ask, thinking, if you want to see confidence, I’ll show you confidence. “OK, sure, just for a little while. I have to catch an early train tomorrow to help my friend on his farm,” he says. I lead the way inside, discreetly tucking the red rose alongside me so the doorman doesn’t see it. I know how these doormen gossip and I can only imagine what might be said about my having arrived home late at night in high heels with a red rose and a man who is not my husband. Inside my apartment, I lay the rose on the counter and offer him a glass of wine, though I’m strictly drinking water now, already feeling tipsy. We sit back on the deep couch in the den and soon he is moving closer to me and leaning over to kiss me. His mouth is warm and tastes smoky from the whiskey he had been drinking. I lie back and he presses against me. “I have a huge, lovely bed,” I say. “Shall we move over to it?” He follows me down the hall to my room. He lies back against the mountain of pillows on the made-up bed and I straddle him, opening the front fold of my dress to reveal a lace thong. He lifts my hips so that I’m kneeling and then scoots down the bed so that his head is under me, pulls my thong to the side and flicks his tongue against my clit. It’s been weeks since I’ve been touched and I sigh with the relief of being back in the game. After a few minutes of this, I ask if he has a condom and he replies that he does, yes, but that he would rather do this instead. “Oh,” I say. “Everything OK?” “Yes, I just … it’s just our first date,” he says haltingly. “OK,” I say. “I mean, that’s never stopped me before but carry on.” After I come, he pulls his head back up against the pillows and smiles at me. I close the front of my dress and pull myself on top of him. I feel his stockinged feet with my bare feet, my knees against his knees, my pelvic bones pressed into his.

• From Available: The unfiltered and empowering new memoir for women about sex, dating and divorce after 40 (2021)

  I push the rod, which had been secured by suction to the walls before I disturbed it, back into place, recoiling in pain as I lift my arms and cause another flash of pain to sear across my ribcage and down my legs. I right the trash can and pick up the used Q-tips, dental floss and dirty tissues that spilled out when I landed on top of it and are both on the floor and pressed into my lower back. Finally, satisfied with my cleaning job, I survey the room, desperately seeking something to use as a cover when I bolt back to the bedroom – but the only towel I see is the small hand towel I used a moment ago. I give it 50:50 odds that #7’s daughter is standing mere inches away from me on the other side of the door, curious to see me emerge. I step back to the shower, deciding the only solution is to take the flimsy shower curtain off the hooks and wrap myself in it, and almost cry with relief at seeing a bath-size towel that must have fallen into the tub during my ordeal. I pluck it out of the tub, wrap it around myself, open the door and attempt to walk out in a ladylike fashion, all but ready to curtsy to the daughter waiting for me. Thankfully, she’s not there, so I dash to #7’s room and slam the door shut behind me so she will know the bathroom is now available and I can get #7’s attention. No such luck. He is lying naked on his back on the bed, exactly where I had left him minutes earlier, and he is snoring. Loudly. “Mark,” I say sharply. He continues to snore. “Mark,” I say again, this time more urgently, pressing on his shoulder. “Wake up!” “Oh hey,” he says sleepily, blinking his eyes open and smiling up at me. “Sorry, I must have fallen asleep.” “Yes, I see that. Your daughter is home,” I hiss at him. He continues to grin moonily at me, thanking me for letting him know. I remind him that he assured me she wouldn’t be home for hours. “I guess I was wrong,” he says simply, fueling my rage. “Yes, well do you remember that I suggested you check with her? She’s home and I was marching around the apartment completely naked,” I say indignantly. He laughs, reaching for his phone, and then says, “I don’t think she saw you. She would have texted me by now to yell at me if she did.” “OK, well, forget her for a minute, I jumped to get out of her line of sight and fell and broke my rib. Maybe multiple ribs.” He laughs again, which enrages me, so I continue, “I’m serious. It hurts to breathe and I’m in pain.” “So sorry,” he says. “I’m sure you’ll be fine.” Within seconds his eyes have fluttered closed and he is snoring again.

• From History of the Christian Church: The Complete Set of Eight Volumes (1858)

  Martin at once assumed the presidency of the council which since John’s flight had been filled by Cardinal Viviers. Measures of reform were now the order of the day and some headway was made. The papal right of granting indulgences was curtailed. The college of cardinals was limited to 24, with the stipulation that the different parts of the church should have a proportionate representation, that no monastic order should have more than a single member in the college, and that no cardinal’s brother or nephew should be raised to the curia so long as the cardinal was living. Schedules and programmes enough were made, but the question of reform involved abuses of such long standing and so deeply intrenched that it was found impossible to reconcile the differences of opinion prevailing in the council and bring it to promptness of action. After sitting for more than three years, the delegates were impatient to get away. As a substitute for further legislation, the so-called concordats were arranged. These agreements were intended to regulate the relations of the papacy and the nations one with the other. There were four of these distinct compacts, one with the French, and one with the German nations, each to be valid for five years, one with the English to be perpetual, dated July 21, 1418, and one with the Spanish nation, dated May 13, 1418.319 These concordats set forth rules for the appointment of the cardinals and the restriction of their number, limited the right of papal reservations and the collection of annates and direct taxes, determined what causes might be appealed to Rome, and took up other questions. They were the foundation of the system of secret or open treaties by which the papacy has since regulated its relations with the nations of Europe. Gregory VII. was the first pope to extend the system of papal legates, but he and his successors had dealt with nations on the arbitrary principle of papal supremacy and infallibility.

• From Available: The unfiltered and empowering new memoir for women about sex, dating and divorce after 40 (2021)

  Have I misunderstood doctors all these years, thinking their authority and omnipotence offer a safe cushion when actually they just adhere to a lot of rigid rules and impenetrable order? Finally I glance at my watch and widen my eyes as I pretend to notice the time and he gets the hint, paying the bill as I watch obediently. As we walk down the block, he asks me what I like to drink. I list my top choices: tequila, wine, Prosecco, but he wants to know specifically if I like champagne. “Sure, I like champagne,” I say. “OK, great, let’s make a plan to drink champagne together,” he says, then gives me a kiss on the lips and we part. I squeeze my eyes shut and grimace as I walk away. I have to learn how to be quicker on these dates – that’s the point of coffee and not a meal – just a quick in and out. Why do I always feel like I have to make myself so available? Why do I make myself seem interested when I could save everyone a lot of time and trouble by politely rising after an hour, shaking hands and saying a noncommittal, “Bye then, nice to have met you.” With this newly formed commitment to forthrightness spurring me on, I shoot off a text to Karl, who has followed up his sunshine and roses text with a photo of himself standing in a field of sunflowers. “Hey Karl, it was lovely to get to know you. You’re a genuinely kind and sincere man. I get the feeling that you want more out of dating than I do right now. I’m early in this process and want to be casual with anyone I date, which seems incongruous with what you’re looking for. Thank you for letting me see that there are good men out there,” I write. He writes back immediately, “I had a feeling when I didn’t hear back from you earlier. I’m not looking for anything serious, I just like you and it’s been a while since I’ve enjoyed being with a woman. Good luck. You have my number if you change your mind.” I feel immense relief that I have gracefully extricated myself. * Next up: Jeff, a lawyer who meets me in the garden of a wine bar in my neighborhood. Over glasses of Chardonnay, we talk about our kids, their schools, our backgrounds, finally resorting to the weather when our well runs dry. He tells me a story with minutes of build-up and I keep waiting for the punchline but then realize with dismay that there isn’t one. When the waitress asks if we want another glass and he says sure, my heart sinks. I can usually make small talk like it’s an Olympic sport, but either I’ve utterly exhausted myself or he’s hopeless.

• From In Search of Paul: How Jesus's Apostle Opposed Rome's Empire with God's Kingdom (2005)

  Notice two details in contrasting Paul’s response with God’s reply in 4 Ezra. Ezra does not presume that his generation will be alive when that great moment arrives, and the answer asserts simultaneity rather than precedence. But Paul presumes that he and his generation will still be alive (“we”) at the Lord’s parousia, and he affirms that the dead will rise first and the living will go “with them” to greet Christ. What is Paul’s source for that claim? It is, quite bluntly, neither faith nor hope, neither tradition nor theology, but an absolutely magnificent act of consolation based on a brilliant use of metaphor. The Parousia of the Lord First of all, the metaphor of formal urban visitation gives Paul a powerful visual answer to the question of the Thessalonians. Any important visitor coming along the major road to an ancient city would first meet the dead before they were greeted by the living. Take for example the city of Hierapolis above the white travertine basins of Pamukkale at the eastern end of the great Meander Valley. If you walk out along the northern road, for example, you find yourself today in an absolute jumble of broken sarcophagi, shattered tombs, and wrecked mausoleums. But if you put that destroyed and quarried necropolis back in its original format, you can easily imagine an imperial visitor meeting first the elite dead before any meeting with the elite living. And, of course, says Paul, dancing fast and fancy on his theological feet, that is how things will be at the parousia of Christ. We will not all go up together, but first the dead, then the living. Second, the parousia metaphor means that Christians do not ascend to stay with Christ in heaven, but to return with him to this transformed world. Paul says nothing about an eschatological world or utopian earth here below, but simply that all believers “will be caught up in the clouds…to meet the Lord in the air; and so we will be with the Lord forever.” The metaphor of parousia as state visit would presume that those going out to greet the approaching ruler would return with him for festive rejoicing within their city. So also with Christ. Paul probably took it for granted that all together would then descend to dwell upon a purified earth. The parousia of the Lord was not about destruction of earth and relocation to heaven, but about a world in which violence and injustice are transformed into purity and holiness. And, of course, as mentioned above, a transformed world would demand not just spiritual souls, but renewed bodies.

• From In Search of Paul: How Jesus's Apostle Opposed Rome's Empire with God's Kingdom (2005)

  Therefore when we could bear it no longer, we decided to be left alone in Athens; and we sent Timothy, our brother and co-worker for God in proclaiming the gospel of Christ, to strengthen and encourage you for the sake of your faith, so that no one would be shaken by these persecutions. Indeed, you yourselves know that this is what we are destined for. In fact, when we were with you, we told you beforehand that we were to suffer persecution; so it turned out, as you know…. But Timothy has just now come to us from you, and has brought us the good news of your faith and love. He has told us also that you always remember us kindly and long to see us—just as we long to see you. For this reason, brothers and sisters, during all our distress and persecution we have been encouraged about you through your faith. (1 Thess. 3:1–4, 6–7). That is a good example of Paul operating as the center of a network of co-workers. Timothy is “brother and co-worker for God,” not just for Paul, and he is sent to “strengthen and encourage you for the sake of your faith” and not just to see and report back. Their fidelity continued and Paul extols their continual faith even under persecution as now a model for both provinces: You became imitators of us and of the Lord, for in spite of persecution you received the word with joy inspired by the Holy Spirit, so that you became an example to all the believers in Macedonia and in Achaia. For the word of the Lord has sounded forth from you not only in Macedonia and Achaia, but in every place your faith in God has become known, so that we have no need to speak about it. (1 Thess. 1:6–8) Earlier worry about their perseverance gave way to later enthusiasm for their strength. Recall, by the way, that Paul’s program concentrated especially on Roman provincial capitals as bases from which he and his co-workers could operate most widely, travel most swiftly, and influence the surroundings most effectively. Philippi and then Thessalonica. Athens and then Corinth. Persecution by Whom? We return once more to that basic problem of the Lukan Paul versus the Pauline Paul discussed in Chapter 1. As we saw there, Paul explained his Damascus flight as an escape from Nabatean civil power, but Luke detailed it as an escape from Jewish religious power. Our method is to accept Luke when he agrees with Paul, to omit Luke when he disagrees with Paul, to bracket Luke when he adds independent data that is theologically and tendentiously Lukan, but to accept such data cautiously and carefully when no such biases or prejudices are evident. And we have here a classic case where Luke’s Acts is both profoundly right and profoundly wrong at the same time. This is his account of Paul at Thessalonica:

• From History of the Christian Church: The Complete Set of Eight Volumes (1858)

  Oecolampadius: We, too, build on the Word of God, not on the fathers; but we appeal to them to show that we teach no novelties.874 Luther, pointing again his finger to the words on the table: This is our text: you have not yet driven us from it. We care for no other proof. Oecolampadius: If this is the case, we had better close the discussion. The chancellor exhorted them to come to an understanding. Luther: There is only one way to that. Let our adversaries believe as we do. The Swiss: We cannot. Luther: Well, then, I abandon you to God’s judgment, and pray that he will enlighten you. Oecolampadius: We will do the same. You need it as much as we. At this point both parties mellowed down. Luther begged pardon for his harsh words, as he was a man of flesh and blood. Zwingli begged Luther, with tearful eyes, to forgive him his harsh words, and assured him that there were no men in the world whose friendship he more desired than that of the Wittenbergers.875 Jacob Sturm and Bucer spoke in behalf of Strassburg, and vindicated their orthodoxy, which had been impeached. Luther’s reply was cold, and displeased the audience. He declared to the Strassburgers, as well as the Swiss, "Your spirit is different from ours."876 The Conference was ended. A contagious disease, called the English sweat (sudor Anglicus), which attacked its victims with fever, sweat, thirst, intense

• From A History of Christianity (1976)

  With the 1650s we get a change: war and suffering are replaced by exhaustion and doubt, and the European mind seems to sicken of the unattainable objective, and focus on more mundane ends. There is a huge, long-delayed and grateful relaxation of the spirit, a dousing of angry embers. Anthony Wood, writing his diary from an Oxford coign of vantage, gives a sardonic picture of the university moving back, in the years 1660–1, from republican commonwealth to parliamentary monarchy, from the dominance of Calvinism to Anglican conformity. A century before, the fires had burned fiercely outside St John’s College. Now the atmosphere is low-key, a mere heightening of the customary struggle for places, fellowships and influence, the raucous exchange of abuse and insult, low japes and ribaldry. The age of the martyrs had ended, for a second time. Wood relates what happened when the triumphant Anglicans brought back vestments to the cathedral services. ‘On the night of 21 January 1661, some varlets of Christ Church’ took all the new surplices issued to the choristers, and threw them ‘in a common privy house belonging to Peckwater Quadrangle, and there with long sticks [did] thrust them downe into the excrements. The next day, being discovered, they were taken up and washed; but so enraged were the deane and canons, that they publickly protested, if they knew the person or persons that had committed that act, they not onlie would lose their places and be expelled the Universitie but also have their eares cut off in the market place. The Presbyterians were wonderfully pleased at this action, laughed heartily among themselves, and some in my hearing have protested that if they knew the person that did this heroick act they would convey to him an encouraging gratuity.’ Of course the instinct to insist on doctrinal purity, and indeed to persecute, was by no means dead. The official English 1662 Prayer Book offered few concessions to Puritan scruples; the Act of Uniformity emphasized the importance of the monarchical bishop; and the ‘Clarendon Code’ made life difficult for anyone who refused to accept the statutory brand of Christianity. Difficult; but not impossible. Anglicanism had, in effect, abandoned the effort to include all, and had accepted the notion of a dissenting body in its midst. The search for unity had ended in failure, and a plural society came into being. The drift from fanaticism was slow, but it was steady and ultimately irresistible. A grudging but increasing respect began to be paid to private opinion in religious matters. It was no longer contended, even in theory, that the prince determined all. The Peace of Westphalia, 1648, really marked the end of cuius regio, eius religio. When, in the 1680s, James II tried to steer England back to his Catholic faith, he was obliged to depart and was replaced by a parliamentary sovereign. The Glorious Revolution of 1688 plunged the Anglican Church into total ideological confusion, from which pure utilitarianism was the only possible egress.

• From The Pisces (2018)

  I wasn’t sure how or when that was going to happen. But maybe it would if I continued to stay alive. “Forgive me,” I said. When I got back into the house, Steve was in the kitchen eating cereal again. He eyed me skeptically over his reading glasses. In front of him was the newspaper, with a headline that read FIRES IN THE VALLEY. “I made a mistake,” I said. He blinked and kept chewing. “I’m not going to leave yet after all.” “Is that so?” he asked. “Yes,” I said. He was silent. He rose and put his bowl in the sink. “Try not to bleed on anything,” he said, and shuffled up the stairs. It dawned on me that I hadn’t gotten my period in a while, not since Theo and I had bloodied the sofa. That was at least five weeks ago. Maybe I was hitting menopause? Did women hit menopause at thirty-eight? — I didn’t bother opening my suitcase, brushing my teeth, or washing my face. I stripped down to my underpants, braless, and climbed onto the sofa, snuggling up under the blanket. It was strange to be there without Dominic or Theo. Why could they never coexist in the same space, Theo with his fantasy love and Dominic with his pure love? Theo was so afraid of Dominic, how his pure love might hurt him or even eliminate him. I was afraid too, which was why I had chosen to hide him away. I had hoped that fantasy would triumph. Now I was left with neither. But I had my sister. In a way it was kind of nice to be alone. The euphoria was gone and the silence was gone—those were Theo’s. In his place, some of the nothingness had clearly returned. But I felt different about it, like it was laughing with me or maybe I with it. It was my own nothingness to have and to hold. In my mind I called it a fucker and turned off the light.

• From The Well of Loneliness (1928)

  She would think: ‘I must have been terribly mistaken,’ and would feel a great peace surge over her spirit. He might say, as they slowly jogged home to Morton: ‘Did you notice my youngster here take that stiff timber? Not bad for a five-year-old, he’ll do nicely.’ And perhaps he might add: ‘Put a three on that five, and then tell your old sire that he’s not so bad either! I’m fifty-three, Stephen, I’ll be going in the wind if I don’t knock off smoking quite soon, and that’s certain!’ Then Stephen would know that her father felt young, very young, and was wanting her to flatter him a little. But this mood would not last; it had often quite changed by the time that the two of them reached the stables. She would notice with a sudden pain in her heart that he stooped when he walked, not much yet, but a little. And she loved his broad back, she had always loved it—a kind, reassuring protective back. Then the thought would come that perhaps its great kindness had caused it to stoop as though bearing a burden; and the thought would come:’ He is bearing a burden, not his own, it’s some one else’s—but whose?’ CHAPTER 101C hristmas came and with it the girl’s eighteenth birthday, but the shadows that clung round her home did not lessen; nor could Stephen, groping about in those shadows, find a way to win through to the light. Every one tried to be cheerful and happy, as even sad people will do at Christmas, while the gardeners brought in huge bundles of holly with which to festoon the portraits of Gordons—rich, red-berried holly that came from the hills, and that year after year would be sent down to Morton. The courageous-eyed Gordons looked out from their wreaths unsmiling, as though they were thinking of Stephen. In the hall stood the Christmas-tree of her childhood, for Sir Philip loved the old German custom which would seem to insist that even the aged be as children and play with God on His birthday. At the top of the tree swung the little wax Christ-child in His spangled nightgown with gold and blue ribbons; and the little wax Christ-child bent downwards and sideways because, although small, He was rather heavy—or, as Stephen had thought when she too had been small, because He was trying to look for His presents.

• From History of the Christian Church: The Complete Set of Eight Volumes (1858)

  The imperialist party had elected an anti-pope, Gregory VIII., who was consecrated at Rome in the presence of Henry V., and ruled till 1121, but was taken captive by the Normans, mounted on a camel, paraded before Calixtus amid the insults and mockeries of the Roman mob, covered with dust and filth, and consigned to a dungeon. He died in an obscure monastery, in 1125, "still persevering in his rebellion." Such was the state of society in Rome. Calixtus II., the successor of Gelasius, 1119–1124, was elected at Cluny and consecrated at Vienne. He began his rule by renewing the sentence of excommunication against Henry; and in him the emperor found his match. After holding the Synod of Rheims, which ratified the prohibition of lay investiture, he reached Rome, 1120. Both parties, emperor and pope, were weary of the long struggle of fifty years, which had, like the Thirty Years’ War five centuries later, kept Central Europe in a state of turmoil and war. At the Diet of Würzburg, 1121, the men of peace were in the majority and demanded a cessation of the conflict and the calling of a council. Calixtus found it best to comply, however reluctantly, with the resolution of the German Diet, and instructed his legates to convoke a general council of all the bishops of France and Germany at Mainz for the purpose of restoring concord between the holy see and the empire. The assembly adjourned from Mainz to Worms, the city which became afterwards so famous for the protest of Luther. An immense multitude crowded to the place to witness the restoration of peace. The sessions lasted more than a week, and closed with a solemn mass and the Te Deum by the cardinal-bishop of Ostia, who gave the kiss of peace to the emperor. The Concordat of Worms was signed, Sept. 23, 1122. It was a compromise between the contending parties. It is the first of the many concordats which the popes have since that time concluded with various sovereigns and governments, and in which they usually make some concession to the civil power. If they cannot carry out their principle, they agree to a modus vivendi. The pope gained the chief point, namely, the right of investiture by delivery of the ring and crosier (the symbols of the spiritual power) in all the churches of the empire, and also the restoration of the properties and temporalities of the blessed Peter which had passed out of the possession of the holy see during the late civil wars.

• From The Pisces (2018)

  I guess in an effort to turn me on he inserted two more fingers into my wilting vagina, banging them in and out. My labia burned but I was surprised to find that up inside me I was wet, as though I didn’t know I was turned on. Now the wetness began to come down onto my labia and clit. But he ignored my clit and just kept banging away. “Such a hot, tight, pink pussy,” he said. I didn’t know how he knew it was pink. He hadn’t even looked at it or licked it. “Let me fuck it. Please?” he said. “No,” I said. “Okay, then will you suck me? Just suck me a little,” he asked. “I want to see those hot old lips on my cock.” That was it. “You know what I think would be hot?” I asked. “What would do it for me? I want to watch you jerk off for a little.” He stopped finger fucking me and looked me in the eye. “Really?” “Oh, yeah. It’s the biggest turn-on. I wanna watch as you lie there and give yourself pleasure. Jerk that hot dick.” I don’t know where I was getting this from. When I was in my twenties I used to like to watch my boyfriend jerk off. But not this dude. I think I was just trying to get him to come, and get out of there without having to touch his weird pink dick and mismatched brown balls. Lying on his back, he complied and began to stroke it. I was just, like, “Oh yeah, baby, that’s it.” I thought about all this subterfuge, just to get out of a situation that I had put myself in. Technically I didn’t even need to do anything to get out of the situation except leave. He kept looking at me and I just wanted him to come quickly. Right before he spurted he asked if I could lick it. I told him no, then I wouldn’t be able to watch. When he was finished I said it was a hot experience, but I had to go home and feed Dominic and give him his medication. He said that he wanted to do something to me—that it shouldn’t just be him who got off. I told him that this was wonderful, really, and had been more than enough. Out on the street I felt free, strangely elated. It wasn’t just the joy of escaping him but the fact that I had come out pursued and wanted—something new after my pursuit of Jamie all winter. I hadn’t gotten three blocks when he texted me: u r amazing i’d love to do it again I didn’t respond, but kind of squealed.

• From Available: The unfiltered and empowering new memoir for women about sex, dating and divorce after 40 (2021)

  In the cabin, I smooth new sheets on Georgia’s bed and direct Michael with short and sharp words. We take pictures of her in her pastel tie-dyed sundress in front of her small rustic cabin and are effusive with our goodbyes, but the second she runs off, we are silent. “Bye, Laura,” he says quietly as I open my car door. I hold up my hand in what is both a wave and a stop sign and pull out. There’s no reason I can think of that I will need to see or speak to him for the next two weeks and I feel nothing but relief. I’ve had no choice but to frequently interact with him about money and schedules and kids, and every time it has felt akin to pouring salt in a wound. That I’m about to get a break from him and maybe from my own anger makes me feel lighter and freer than I have in months. CHAPTER 4 Never Come Between a Man and His Dog Back home a few hours later, Johnny texts to see where I want to meet. He says he doesn’t know my part of town well and do I want to suggest a place. I can’t picture him in the hipster boutique cocktail bars that our town is filled with, so I pick a local dive bar between his house and mine on a sleepy main street. I arrive a few minutes early and choose a stool in the center of the bar, away from the few other people there. I’m in a black tank top with spaghetti straps that show off my tanned shoulders, a cut-off jean mini-skirt and flip-flops. The bartender is an older woman who says “Sure, hon” when I order a Margarita and I immediately feel like a child playing grown-up. When Johnny arrives I’m already halfway through my drink, not because he’s late but because I’m so nervous. He’s wearing jeans and a striped shirt with buttons at the top and a thick gold chain; compared to his usual work uniform, he looks dressed up. When he leans over to kiss my cheek, I catch a whiff of cologne; if I hadn’t quite been sure if this was a date, the cologne has confirmed that it indeed is. We sit for a couple of hours while he nurses a beer and I do not let myself have the second drink I want because I know that I will soon have to drive the twenty minutes back home.