Relief

Passages

Every passage tagged with this emotion in the Vela corpus. Search the body text, narrow by source or register, click through to a book’s profile to see how the passage sits with the rest of the work.

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• From Saint Thomas Aquinas Collection (22 Books) (2016)

  I answer that, As stated above (A[4], ad 2), when Christ descended into hell He worked through the power of His Passion. But through Christ’s Passion the human race was delivered not only from sin, but also from the debt of its penalty, as stated above (Q[49], AA[1],3). Now men were held fast by the debt of punishment in two ways: first of all for actual sin which each had committed personally: secondly, for the sin of the whole human race, which each one in his origin contracts from our first parent, as stated in Rom. 5 of which sin the penalty is the death of the body as well as exclusion from glory, as is evident from Gn. 2 and 3: because God cast out man from paradise after sin, having beforehand threatened him with death should he sin. Consequently, when Christ descended into hell, by the power of His Passion He delivered the saints from the penalty whereby they were excluded from the life of glory, so as to be unable to see God in His Essence, wherein man’s beatitude lies, as stated in the [4284]FS, Q[3], A[8]. But the holy Fathers were detained in hell for the reason, that, owing to our first parent’s sin, the approach to the life of glory was not opened. And so when Christ descended into hell He delivered the holy Fathers from thence. And this is what is written Zech. 9:11: “Thou also by the blood of Thy testament hast sent forth Thy prisoners out of the pit, wherein is no water.” And (Col. 2:15) it is written that “despoiling the principalities and powers,” i.e. “of hell, by taking out Isaac and Jacob, and the other just souls,” “He led them,” i.e. “He brought them far from this kingdom of darkness into heaven,” as the gloss explains.

• From Best Erotic Romance

  Where was her phone? She had to get up and find it, but her eyes were fixed on the figure that hovered outside—a black shadow against the nearly black sky. He knocked on the window. Jane frowned. If he wanted to break in and rape, rob and kill her, why was he knocking? She peered into the gloom. Was he wearing pajamas? The figure shifted as she looked at him, and she saw him wave a kind of salute. Her neighbor? Yes, as she moved closer to the window, letting the hand holding the fork drop to her side, she thought there was something familiar about the shape of the man out there. The hair, normally brushed soft and falling over his face, stuck up wildly in all directions. But the broad, slightly stooped shoulders were his. And yes, as the candlelight fell on his scowling face, she recognized that resentful expression. She took the last few steps confidently and pulled up the sash as though she often received visitors via the window. “Either you’re recreating Breakfast at Tiffany’s or you locked yourself out,” she said, her voice warm with relief. He could be a psychopathic weirdo, but he’d always seemed an almost ludicrously polite man, one of those monochromatic shadows that skirt around the edge of life. If she passed him on the stairs, he’d flatten himself against the wall and murmur a greeting she could hardly hear. “Tiffany’s?” he said, screwing his eyes up. He shook his head. “Your music.” Jane glanced at the stereo, still warbling away. “Oh, the music,” she said, turning to give Mr. Pajamas a broad smile. “Siren song, huh? Come on in!” “I...” John hesitated, and then he nodded and followed the sweep of her arm. He felt somehow compelled. He folded his tall frame and slipped through the gap into Jane’s bedroom and stood on her Afghan rug holding his hands out as though feeling for invisible obstacles. He was tall, Jane noticed. Maybe that was why he stooped. And he was blushing too—god, how long had it been since she saw a man blush! It lit up his face under the silvery stubble. “Have a seat,” she said, waving at the futon in the center of the room. “Want a drink?” Before John could answer, she was sweeping over to the sideboard and picking up the gin. She poured a generous tumblerful. “I’m really not here to drink,” he said. “Oh, you’ll need a locksmith, won’t you? I’ll get the Yellow Pages,” she said and hustled to the bookshelves in the kitchen. She swiped an extra glass while she was there—at least now she didn’t feel like such a lush. Drinking alone was not good for her soul.

• From The History of Christianity II: From the Reformation to the Modern Megachurch (2017)

  16The History of Christianity II õThe key factor is that Luther said the pope did not have the control over Purgatory that he claimed to have. Only God could grant forgiveness. When the pope at the time, Pope Leo X, got wind of this, he wasn’t too concerned at first. He only started to worry when Luther began gathering followers all over Germany and seriously cutting into his profits from indulgences. õThe 95 Theses are famous, and the day Luther made them known, October 31, 1517, is commonly called Reformation Day and marked as the start of the Protestant Reformation. But the insight that truly caused Luther to break from the Catholic Church was a personal revelation. õLuther’s personal revelation, which came after studying the Bible for hours and days on end, was this: Good works alone can’t earn you a place in heaven. Luther concluded that when we believe that Jesus is our savior, then God decides to view us differently, even though we remain as sinful as ever. We can sum up Luther’s idea with the slogan sola fide, meaning “by faith alone.” Following the law doesn’t save people, but faith, which is a gift by God’s grace, does. õLuther found this liberating. He gave up the monastic life and married a former nun—he noted, as many reformers did, that there was nothing in the Bible saying priests had to be celibate. And he let his dirty mouth run wild, insulting his targets with colorful language. õLuther taught that the priesthood is a profession just like any other; clergy are not special. Catholic theology elevated priests and monks above laypeople, but according to Luther, priests were just as depraved as everyone else, and if works don’t save people, then there was no longer any rationale for monasticism at all.

• From Born a Crime: Stories from a South African Childhood (2016)

  They just didn’t look like they could hurt me. It was a handful of average, middle-aged white dudes. I walked over to them. We hung out for a while, chatted a bit. They were mostly in for white-collar crimes, money schemes, fraud and racketeering. They’d be useless if anyone came over looking to start trouble; they’d get their asses kicked as well. But they weren’t going to do anything to me. I was safe. Luckily the time went by fairly quickly. I was in there for only an hour before I was called up to court, where a judge would either let me go or send me to prison to await trial. As I was leaving, one of the white guys reached over to me. “Make sure you don’t come back down here,” he said. “Cry in front of the judge; do whatever you have to do. If you go up and get sent back down here, your life will never be the same.” Up in the courtroom, I found my lawyer waiting. My cousin Mlungisi was there, too, in the gallery, ready to post my bail if things went my way. The bailiff read out my case number, and the judge looked up at me. “How are you?” he said. I broke down. I’d been putting on this tough-guy facade for nearly a week, and I just couldn’t do it anymore. “I-I’m not fine, Your Honor. I’m not fine.” He looked confused. “What?!” I said, “I’m not fine, sir. I’m really suffering.” “Why are you telling me this?” “Because you asked how I was.” “Who asked you?” “You did. You just asked me.” “I didn’t say, ‘How are you?’ I said, ‘Who are you?’ Why would I waste time asking ‘How are you?’! This is jail. I know everyone is suffering down there. If I asked everyone ‘How are you?’ we’d be here all day. I said, ‘Who are you?’ State your name for the record.” “Trevor Noah.” “Okay. Now we can carry on.” The whole courtroom started laughing, so then I started laughing, too. But now I was even more petrified because I didn’t want the judge to think I wasn’t taking him seriously because I was laughing. It turned out that I needn’t have been worried. Everything that happened next took only a few minutes. My lawyer had talked to the prosecutor and everything had been arranged beforehand. He presented my case. I had no priors. I wasn’t dangerous. There were no objections from the opposing side. The judge assigned my trial date and set my bail, and I was free to go.

• From In an Unspoken Voice (2010)

  My hope is that the occasional use of storytelling will help to create an accessible work that engages the clinical and scientific, but is sparse on jargon and is not unduly tedious and pedantic. I will utilize case vignettes to illustrate various principles, as well as invite the reader to participate in selected awareness exercises that embody these principles. While directed to clinicians, physicians and scientists, as well as to interested laymen, ultimately this book is dedicated to those who have been tormented by the hungry ghosts of trauma. To these people, who live in a cage of anxiety, fear, pain and shame, I hope to convey a deeper appreciation that their lives are not dominated by a “disorder” but by an injury that can be transformed and healed! This capacity for transformation is a direct consequence of what I describe in the next section. The Self-Regulating, Self-Knowing Body In spite of my confusion and disorientation after the crosswalk accident, it was my thoroughly ingrained knowledge of trauma that led me first to request that the off-duty paramedic back off and allow me some space, and then to trust my body’s involuntary shaking and other spontaneous physical and emotional reactions. However, even with my extensive knowledge and experience, I doubt whether I could have done this alone. The importance of the graceful pediatrician’s quiet support was enormous. Her noninvasive warmth, expressed in the calm tone of her voice, her gentle eyes, her touch and scent, gave me enough of a sense of safety and protection to allow my body to do what it needed to do and me to feel what I needed to feel. Together, my knowledge of trauma and the support of a calm present other allowed the powerful and profoundly restorative involuntary reactions to emerge and complete themselves. In general, the capacity for self-regulation is what allows us to handle our own states of arousal and our difficult emotions, thus providing the basis for the balance between authentic autonomy and healthy social engagement. In addition, this capacity allows us the intrinsic ability to evoke a sense of being safely “at home” within ourselves, at home where goodness resides. This capacity is especially important when we are frightened or injured. Most every mother in the world, knowing this instinctively, picks up her frightened child and soothes him or her by rocking and holding the child close to her body. Similarly, the kind eyes and pleasant scent of the woman who sat by my side bypassed the rational frontal cortex to reach directly into the recesses of my emotional brain. Thus, it soothed and helped to stabilize my organism just enough so that I could experience the difficult sensations and take steps toward restoring my balance and equanimity.

• From In an Unspoken Voice (2010)

  What Goes Up ... Can Come Down In 1998, Arieh Shalev carried out a simple and important study in Israel, a country where trauma is all too common. 2 Dr. Shalev noted the heart rates of patients seen in the emergency room (ER) of a Jerusalem hospital. These data were easy to collect, as charting the vital signs of anyone admitted to the ER is standard procedure. Of course, most patients are upset and have a high heart rate when they are first admitted to the ER, since they are most likely there as victims of some terrifying incident such as a bus bombing or motor vehicle accident. What Shalev discovered was that a patient whose heart rate had returned to near normal by the time of discharge from the ER was unlikely to develop posttraumatic stress disorder. On the other hand, one whose heart rate was still elevated upon leaving was highly likely to develop PTSD in the following weeks or months. † Thus, in my accident, I felt profound relief when the paramedic in the ambulance gave me the vital signs that indicated my heart rate had returned to normal. Briefly, heart rate is a direct window into the autonomic (involuntary) branch of our nervous system. A racing heart is part of body and mind readying for the survival actions of fight-or-flight mediated by the sympathetic-adrenal nervous system (please see Diagram A after this page for a detailed depiction of the physiological pathways underlying the classic fight or flight response). Simply, when you perceive threat, your nervous system and body prepare you to kill or to take evasive countermeasures to escape, usually by running away. This preparation for action was absolutely essential on the ancient savannahs, and it is “discharged” or “used up” by all-out, meaningful action. In my case, however, lying injured on the road and then in the confines of the ambulance and the ER—where action was simply not an option—could have entrapped me. My global activation was “all dressed up with nowhere to go.” If, rather than fulfilling its motoric mission in effective action, the preparation for action was interfered with or had lain dormant, it would have posed a great potential to trigger a later expression as the debilitating symptoms of posttraumatic stress disorder. What saved me from developing these symptoms was the ability to bring down my fight-or-flight activation by discharging the immense survival energy through spontaneous trembling.

• From In an Unspoken Voice (2010)

  Through focused awareness and micro-movements to reenact and complete our unfinished, instinctually rooted protective actions, both Nancy and I were able to discharge the residual nervous system “energy” that had been activated for survival. Nancy experienced the long- delayed escape that her body wanted to make while she was being tied down and overpowered as a defenseless little girl. In short, we both experienced and embodied the innate and powerful wisdom of our instinctual responses as they mobilized to ward off mortal danger. The mindful sensing of this protective primal force stood in stark contrast to the overwhelming helplessness that had engulfed each of us. The major difference between Nancy’s experience and mine was that I had the luck of receiving self-administered first aid, and the fortunate presence of the pediatrician, to nip the potential PTSD symptoms in the bud. Nancy, like millions of others, unfortunately did not. She had suffered years of needless distress until we briefly revisited and “renegotiated” her childhood surgery in my office, some twenty years afterward. * Had I not sensed the raw muscular power of my survival instincts, contrasting with my helpless condition, I surely would have developed the debilitating symptoms of PTSD that had so shadowed and crippled Nancy. I would have, like Nancy, been left too frightened to venture out confidently into the world again. Just as Nancy was able to escape her tormenters in retrospect, I was able to both escape my destruction and preventatively “reset” my nervous system in real time. When acutely threatened, we mobilize vast energies to protect and defend ourselves. We duck, dodge, twist, stiffen and retract. Our muscles contract to fight or flee. However, if our actions are ineffective, we freeze or collapse. Nancy’s four-year-old body had tried to escape from her masked predators. Her body wanted to run away and escape, but it could not. She was overpowered and held down against her will by all-powerful masked and gowned giants. In our hour together Nancy’s body contradicted her panicky feelings of being overwhelmed and trapped. And as her body learned this, so did her mind. When any organism perceives overwhelming mortal danger (with little or no chance for escape) the biological response is a global one of paralysis and shutdown. Ethologists call this innate response tonic immobility (TI). Humans experience this frozen state as helpless terror and panic. Such a state of shutdown and paralysis is meant to be temporary. A wild animal exhibiting this acute physiological shock reaction will either be eaten or, if spared, presumably resume life as before its brush with death; it will be none the worse for the encounter and perhaps wiser. It may be more vigilant (not to be confused with hypervigilant) about similar future sources of threat and thus of early intimations of danger.

• From Best Erotic Romance

  “I didn’t mean nothing bad. Look, I think about getting my shipment to the next destination. Keepin’ good tires on my rig and the tanks full, staying one up on the state cops. There are smarter people’n me out there to think on that big stuff.” “It’s everyone’s concern when people are dying for no reason, Dave.” “Well, then, I’ll work on that.” The wry twist of Dave’s face made her mad. She looked out the right side of the cab until she could lasso her uncomely grin. Sarah pumped her fist as she found a radio station. “Got one!” Johnny Cash sang “Folsom Prison Blues.” She patted Dave’s knee. “Bet you like this one.” Dave stared out front and bit his lip. “Want me to change it?” “No, leave it. I do like this one.” She leaned closer, chin on her fingers with a close-lipped smile. “You got something to say, Sarah?” “You’re passionate about deserts and country music.” “Passionate? I like ’em.” “And yet you don’t care about the war?” “Pardon, darlin’. What I said was, ‘I don’t give it much thought.’” “My brother’s in Canada.” A long pause. “I hear it’s nice this time of year.” “He’s a draft dodger, Dave.” “I kinda got that, Sarah.” “Honestly I don’t know when you’re being serious.” She took an errant hair from his shoulder. His eyes turned just enough to watch her make contact. “Is that so?” The radio signal faded. The cab fell silent again but for the throaty hum of the diesel engine. The horizon to the east started to glow. “If I were a man and got drafted, I’d go to Canada. What do you say to that?” Sarah turned to face him like a confrontation. “Well, I’d say, ‘Tell your brother I said hey.’” Sarah covered her mouth as she laughed. “Why you do that?” “What?” “You cover your smile.” “Nothing.” A long pause. “It’s my teeth.” “You got fine teeth.” “The lowers are uneven.” “Yeah. Ain’t they grand?” “Now you’re teasing me.” “Nope.” Sarah smoothed the edges of her dress from her plump waist down her full hips. Another long silence. Dave continued. “When I was a boy, I fought all the time. Drove my ma and pa nuts. One day Mama says, ‘Davey, what you fightin’ about now?’ I say, ‘Well Ma, Johnny say some bad things ’bout you.’ Ma says, ‘Like what?’ I say, ‘Like you fat.’ ‘I am fat. You stupid, boy? Fight for telling o’ the truth?’ But Dad didn’t give me a talkin’ to. He just walloped me good. Johnny beat me, Dad beat me, Mama was mad at me.” Dave nodded to signal the end of his story. “So, the point is you should choose your battles.”

• From In an Unspoken Voice (2010)

  I allowed my muscles to do what they had “wanted” to do and were prepared to do in the moment prior to impact before they collapsed into helplessness. Bringing that into consciousness allowed me to experience a deepening sense of empowerment. Similarly, twenty-four-year-old Nancy (my very first trauma client from Chapter 2) and I discovered, unwittingly, that (rather than continuing to feel overpowered and overwhelmed by the surgeons as she had at age four), she could now escape from being held down and terrorized. These new experiences contradicted and repaired both of our experiences of helpless terror. Briefly, the way these active self-protective responses are reestablished is as follows: Specific tension patterns (as experienced through interoceptive awareness) “suggest” particular movements, which then can express themselves in minute or micro-movements. The positions that my arms and hands spontaneously and powerfully assumed during the accident had protected my head from smashing into the windshield and then from being cracked open on the pavement. Later, when I was in the ambulance, I revisited these instinctual reflexive movements and expanded them through sensation awareness—a process that allowed me to consciously experience the activation of muscle fibers as my body prepared for movement. These actions had previously been incomplete and remained nonconscious. By slamming forcefully, first into the windshield and then onto the pavement, these muscular reflexes had been truncated, leaving me with collapsed and constricted muscles and a vast reservoir of latent energy. Instead of feeling helpless and victimized by this dreadful event, I created a powerful sense of agency and mastery. In addition, the restoration of defensive responses has the effect of automatically titrating the energies of rage. In other words, the explosive energy that would be expressed as rage and non-directed flight was now channeled into effective, directed healthy aggression. Empowerment derives directly from expelling the physical attitude of defeat and helplessness and restoring the biologically meaningful active defense system—that is, the embodied triumph of successful protection and the visceral actuality of competency. Such renegotiation (as we shall see in Step 6) also helps to dissolve the entrenched guilt and self-judgment that may be byproducts of helplessness and repressed/dissociated rage. By accessing an active and powerful experience, passivity of paralysis and collapse is countered. Because of the central importance of restoring these lost (rather, misplaced) instinctive active responses in healing trauma, I will—at the risk of repetition—address this subject from a slightly different angle.

• From Saint Thomas Aquinas Collection (22 Books) (2016)

  CHRYSOSTOM. So also Christ as knowing the mind of John, said not, I am He; for thus He would have put an obstacle in the way of those that heard Him, who would have at least thought within themselves, if they did not say, what the Jews did say to Christ, Thou bearest witness of thyself. (John 8:13.) Therefore He would have them learn from His miracles, and so presented His doctrine to them more clear, and without suspicion. For the testimony of deeds is stronger than the testimony of words. Therefore He straightway healed a number of blind, and lame, and many other, for the sake not of John who had knowledge, but of others who doubted; as it follows, And Jesus answered and said unto them, Go and tell John what ye have heard and scen; The blind see, the lame walk, the lepers are cleansed, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, the poor have the Gospel preached to them. JEROME. This last is no less than the first. And understand it as if it had been said, Even the poor; that so between noble and mean, rich and poor, there may be no difference in preaching. This approves the strictness of the master, this the truth of the teacher, that in His sight every one who can be saved is equal. CHRYSOSTOM. And blessed is he who shall not be offended in me, is directed against the messengers; they were offended in Him. But He not publishing their doubts, and leaving it to their conscience alone, thus privately introduced a refutation of them. HILARY. This saying, that they were blessed from whom there should be no offence in Him, shewed them what it was that John had provided against in sending them. For John, through fear of this very thing, had sent his disciples that they might hear Christ. GREGORY. (Hom. in Ev. vi. 1.) Otherwise; The mind of unbelievers was greatly offended concerning Christ, because after many miracles done, they saw Him at length put to death; whence Paul speaks, We preach Christ crucified, to the Jews a stumbling-block. (1 Cor. 1:23.) What then does that mean, Blessed is he who shall not be offended in me, but a direct allusion to the humiliation of His death; as much as to say, I do indeed wonderful works, but do not disdain to suffer humble things. Because then I follow you in death, men must be careful not to despise in Me My death, while they reverence My wonderful works.

• From Stone Butch Blues (1993)

  I stood on the corner so long I forgot what I was waiting for. He came back with an amber vial. As I reached for it he pulled it back. I handed him a twenty dollar bill. “You take them four times a day. You gotta take all of them, you know? That’s what the man said.” I frowned. “What is it?” He shrugged. “Medicine. I told him what you told me. You got another ten dollars?” “Why?” I answered. That meant yes. “T got four codeine here. That oughta make you stop coughin’, or at least stop carin’.” I smiled and handed him another ten dollars. “Thanks,” I said, and meant it. He shook my hand. “You take care of yourself now, hear?” I bought two quarts of juice and found my way back to the abandoned space I called home. Every few hours when the coughing woke me, I'd pop a pill and codeine tablet and go back to sleep. When I woke up Sunday morning my bedroll was soaked. I sat up and rubbed my eyes. I felt stronger. The illness was breaking up and leaving me. The rent on this place was due at the end of each week. I’d found a cheap hotel near the temp agencies where I could rent by the week until I could save up for a decent apartment—a real home. I looked around. I couldn’t believe I'd lived in this dump for a whole month. Stone Butch Blues 255 “How much?” I asked the super. “Three twenty-five a month with heat and hot water. The toilet’s in the hall. Three twenty-five security deposit.” I nodded. It had a small bedroom, kitchen, and living room, all in one straight line. I gave him the cash; he handed me the lease. “Wait,” I said as he turned to leave. “There’s no bathtub?” “There,” he pointed to a corner of the kitchen. It was a tub covered with a sheet of metal. Strange city. I locked the door of my apartment and turned to look around. It needed paint: yellow for the kitchen, sky blue for the bedroom, creamy tvory for the living room. I needed rugs. And dishes, silverware pots and pans. Cleanser for the sink. I opened my duffel bag to look for a pad and pen to make a list. There was the china kitten that Milli had left me. I placed it gingerly on the mantle in the living room. I put the amber glass, from the home > Theresa and I once had, on the windowsill in the kitchen and made a mental note to buy some flowers. I left the wedding ring Theresa had bought me on the mantle. I decided to buy yellow calico curtains for the living room windows, like the kind Betty had made 256 = Leslie Feinberg for my garage apartment. I glanced at the door once more to make sure it was locked.

• From The Laws of Human Nature (2018)

  Lord, he felt sure—promised to never leave him, to come back to him when he needed it. Almost immediately he felt a sense of tremendous relief, the burden of his doubts and anxiety lifted from his shoulders. He could not help but cry. Several nights later, while King was attending an MIA meeting, his house was bombed. By sheer luck, his wife and daughter were unharmed. When informed of what had happened, he remained calm. He felt that nothing could rattle him now. Addressing an angry crowd of black supporters who had congregated outside his home, he said, “We are not advocating violence. We want to love our enemies. I want you to love our enemies. Be good to them. Love them and let them know you love them.” After the bombing, his father pleaded with him to return with his family to Atlanta, but with Coretta’s support, he refused to leave. Over the following months there would be many challenges as he struggled to keep the boycott alive and maintain the pressure on the local government. Finally, toward the end of 1956, the Supreme Court affirmed a lower court decision ending bus segregation in Montgomery. On the morning of December 18, King was the first passenger to board the bus and sit wherever he liked. It was a great victory. Now came national attention and fame, and with it endless new problems and headaches. The death threats continued. The older black leaders in the MIA and the NAACP came to resent the attention he now received. The infighting and the clash of egos became almost intolerable. King decided to start a new organization, to be called the Southern Christian Leadership Conference, its purpose to take the movement beyond Montgomery. For King, however, the infighting and envy only followed him. In 1959 he returned to his hometown to serve as copastor at Ebenezer and to lead various SCLC campaigns from the headquarters in Atlanta. For some in the movement he was too charismatic, too domineering, and his campaigns too ambitious; for others he was too weak, too willing to compromise with white authorities. The criticism from both sides was relentless. But what added most of all to King’s burdens was the slippery and infuriating tactics of the whites in power, who had no intention of accepting any substantial changes in segregation laws or in practices that discouraged blacks from registering to vote. They negotiated with King and agreed to compromises, then as soon as the boycotts and sit-ins stopped, they found all kinds of loopholes in the agreements and backtracked. In one campaign King led in Albany, Georgia, to desegregate the city, the mayor and police chief made a show of exaggerated calmness, making it seem as if King and the SCLC were the unreasonable group, just stirring up trouble from the outside. The campaign in Albany was largely a failure, and it left King depressed and exhausted. It was now the pattern in his life that in

• From Best Erotic Romance

  The figure shifted as she looked at him, and she saw him wave a kind of salute. Her neighbor? Yes, as she moved closer to the window, letting the hand holding the fork drop to her side, she thought there was something familiar about the shape of the man out there. The hair, normally brushed soft and falling over his face, stuck up wildly in all directions. But the broad, slightly stooped shoulders were his. And yes, as the candlelight fell on his scowling face, she recognized that resentful expression. She took the last few steps confidently and pulled up the sash as though she often received visitors via the window. “Either you’re recreating Breakfast at Tiffany’s or you locked yourself out,” she said, her voice warm with relief. He could be a psychopathic weirdo, but he’d always seemed an almost ludicrously polite man, one of those monochromatic shadows that skirt around the edge of life. If she passed him on the stairs, he’d flatten himself against the wall and murmur a greeting she could hardly hear. “Tiffany’s?” he said, screwing his eyes up. He shook his head. “Your music.” Jane glanced at the stereo, still warbling away. “Oh, the music,” she said, turning to give Mr. Pajamas a broad smile. “Siren song, huh? Come on in!” “I…” John hesitated, and then he nodded and followed the sweep of her arm. He felt somehow compelled. He folded his tall frame and slipped through the gap into Jane’s bedroom and stood on her Afghan rug holding his hands out as though feeling for invisible obstacles. He was tall, Jane noticed. Maybe that was why he stooped. And he was blushing too—god, how long had it been since she saw a man blush! It lit up his face under the silvery stubble. “Have a seat,” she said, waving at the futon in the center of the room. “Want a drink?” Before John could answer, she was sweeping over to the sideboard and picking up the gin. She poured a generous tumblerful. “I’m really not here to drink,” he said. “Oh, you’ll need a locksmith, won’t you? I’ll get the Yellow Pages,” she said and hustled to the bookshelves in the kitchen. She swiped an extra glass while she was there—at least now she didn’t feel like such a lush. Drinking alone was not good for her soul. When she came back, John was sitting on the futon, looking thoughtful. She dropped the directory in his lap and raised her glass. “Cheers, anyway,” she said. He sat and stared, his dark, ragged, sleepless eyes fixed on a point just to the left of her head. “So what do they call you?” she said, ducking her head toward the empty air where his gaze was stuck. He looked down at the floor and cleared his throat. “John,” he said. “My name is John.”

• From The Laws of Human Nature (2018)

  felt a deep affinity for animals and saw them as possessing souls, a belief that was virtually unheard of at the time. This impelled him to become a vegetarian and to go around freeing caged birds in the marketplace. He saw all nature as one, including humans, and he imagined a future in which that belief would be shared. The great feminist, philosopher, and novelist Mary Wollstonecraft (1759–1797) believed that we humans can actually create the future by how we imagine it in the present. For her, in her short life, much of this came in her imagining a future in which the rights of women and, most important, their reasoning powers were given equal weight to men. Her thinking in these terms in fact did have a profound influence on the future. Perhaps one of the most uncanny examples of this is Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749–1832), a scientist, novelist, and philosopher. He aspired to a kind of universal knowledge, similar to Leonardo’s, in which he tried to master all forms of human intelligence, steep himself in all periods of history, and through this be able to not only see the future but commune with its inhabitants. He was able to anticipate a theory of evolution decades before Darwin. He foresaw many of the great political trends of the nineteenth and twentieth centuries, including the eventual unification of Europe after World War II. He imagined many of the advances of technology and the effects these would have on our spirit. He was someone who actively attempted to live outside his time, and his prophetic powers were legendary among his friends. Finally, sometimes we may feel like we are born into the wrong period in history, out of harmony with the times. And yet we are locked into this moment and must live through it. If such is the case, this strategy of immortality can bring us some relief. We are aware of the cycles of history and how the pendulum will swing and the times will change, perhaps after we are gone. In this way, we can look to the future and feel some connection to those who are living well beyond this terrible moment. We can reach out to them, make them part of our audience. Some day they will read about us or read our words, and the connection will go in both directions, indicating this supreme human ability to surmount one’s time and the finality of death itself. A man’s shortcomings are taken from his epoch; his virtues and greatness belong to himself. —Johann Wolfgang von Goethe 18 Meditate on Our Common Mortality The Law of Death Denial Most of us spend our lives avoiding the thought of death. Instead, the inevitability of death should be continually on our minds. Understanding the shortness of life fills us with a sense of purpose and urgency to realize our goals. Training ourselves to confront and accept this reality makes it easier to manage the inevitable setbacks,

• From The Laws of Human Nature (2018)

  entered his kitchen, suddenly those inclinations and intuitions that had guided him before in his life transformed into an actual voice, the voice of God, clarifying his destiny and offering continual support. He could hear this voice so clearly from within that it would echo and reverberate throughout his life. From then on, in conversations and speeches, he would continually refer to this “voice” that now guided him. And with this voice the doubts, fears, and debilitating inner conflicts would disappear. He could feel integrated on a whole new level. Certainly the moods and anxieties would return, but so would the voice, making his mission clear to him. People were often surprised, and sometimes perturbed, by how strategic he had become as his leadership role expanded to a national level. During and after every civil rights campaign, he would conduct deep analysis of the actions and reactions of the other side, learning lessons and honing tactics. For some, this did not square with his position as a spiritual leader—for instance, his decision to use children and teenagers in Birmingham as a means to fill the city jails. Ministers were not supposed to think like that. But to King, such pragmatism was intimately connected to his mission. To merely inspire people with speeches was sentimental, and he hated that. To not think deeply about results was to merely seek attention for appearing righteous, and to gratify the ego. He wanted to effect change, to dramatically and palpably alter the conditions of blacks in the South. And so he came to understand that the game was about gaining leverage against the whites in power, who resisted change at every step. He had to use sit-ins and boycotts to maximize the pain they felt, even during the negotiating process. He had to maximize the attention from the press and bring into the living rooms of white America the ugly reality of life in the South for blacks. His strategic objective was their conscience. He had to keep the movement unified in the face of the increasing desire for violence among younger blacks. And as the voice reminded him of his ultimate purpose, to stand up for and bring about real justice, he naturally felt compelled to widen the struggle into a mass civil disobedience campaign. In a sense, King would serve as the voice for black America, assuming a role similar to that of the voice that had guided him. He would strive to bring unity to the cause and keep the movement focused on practical results instead of debilitating infighting. His bouts of depression, which became more intense in the later years, stemmed from his deep sensitivity not only to the people around him (the envy and continual criticisms he faced) but to the zeitgeist. Before others did, he sensed the mood in America, the grim reality of the war in Vietnam, the despair in the inner cities, the restlessness of the young and their hunger to escape reality through

• From The History of Christianity II: From the Reformation to the Modern Megachurch (2017)

  275Lecture 28—Vatican II and Global Renewal õ Factions formed and clashed right from the beginning. Rifts emerged between some of the more progressive theologians from northern Europe and more conservative bishops from Italy, not to mention the new perspectives and questions that bishops from outside of the West brought to the Council. õ As for women at Vatican II: The Catholic Church only permits men to seek ordination as priests and become bishops. But for a very long time, women have made up the majority of lay Catholic worshippers and the majority of religious orders. Women were finally allowed to attend as auditors in the third session of the council. There were only 15 allowed (seven laywomen and eight nuns. The pope told them they could attend the discussions “of interest to women” but they couldn’t vote or otherwise have a formal say. RELIGIOUS PLURALISM õ Three key areas of discussion at Vatican II were religious pluralism, authority in the church, and human sexuality. This lecture will first examine pluralism. The council radically revised the church’s relationship with other faiths. This was an issue close to John XXIII’s heart; when he served as papal nuncio in France at the end of World War II, he made it his mission to help Jewish refugees. õ The council issued statements that absolved Jews of the blame for the death of Jesus. This was a big deal, since blaming the Jewish people for murdering the Messiah had been a major justification for anti- Semitism over the centuries. õ The bishops also transformed Rome’s official position toward Protestants. They declared Protestants “separated brethren” who, while not in communion with the mother Church, were at least no longer heretics going to hell.

• From In an Unspoken Voice (2010)

  Step 7. Resolve arousal states by promoting discharge of the vast survival energy mobilized for life- preserving action As one’s passive responses are replaced by active ones in the exit from immobility, a particular physiological process occurs: one experiences waves of involuntary shaking and trembling, followed by spontaneous changes in breathing—from tight and shallow to deep and relaxed. These involuntary reactions function, essentially, to discharge the vast energy that, though mobilized to prepare the organism to fight, flee or otherwise self-protect, was not fully executed. (See Chapter 1 for my own experience of such reactions after my accident, and Chapter 2 for Nancy’s as she discharged the arousal energy that had been bound up in ever-increasing symptoms since her early- childhood tonsillectomy.) Perhaps the easiest way to visualize the release of energy is through an analogy from physics. Imagine a spring fastened firmly to the ceiling above you. A weight is attached to the free end of the spring (see Figure 5.4). You reach up and pull the weight down toward you, stretching the spring and creating in it potential energy. Then as you release the spring, the weight oscillates up and down until all of the spring’s energy is discharged. In this way, the potential energy held in the spring is transformed into the kinetic energy of movement. The spring finally comes to rest when all the stored potential energy that has been converted to this kinetic energy is fully discharged. Discharge of Traumatic Activation and Restoration of Equilibrium Figure 5.4 Stretching the spring increases its potential energy. Releasing the spring transforms this potential into kinetic energy, where it is discharged and equilibrium restored. Similarly, your muscles are energized (“stretched”) in preparation for action. However, when such mobilization is not carried out (whether fight-or-flight or some other protective response such as stiffening, twisting, retracting or ducking), then that potential energy becomes “stored” or “filed” as an unfinished procedure within the implicit memory of the sensorimotor system. When a conscious or unconscious association is activated through a general or specific stimulus, all of the original hormonal and chemical warriors reenergize the muscles as if the original threat were still operating. Later this energy can be released as trembling and vibration. Risking oversimplification, I can say that an amount of energy (arousal) similar to what was mobilized for fight-or-flight must be discharged, through effective action and/or through shaking and trembling. These can be dramatic as with Nancy (Chapter 2), while others are subtle. They may be expressed as gentle fasciculations and/or changes in skin temperature. Along with these autonomic nervous system releases, the self-protective and defensive responses that were incomplete at the time of the incident (and lie dormant as potential energy) are frequently liberated through micro-movements.

• From The History of Christianity II: From the Reformation to the Modern Megachurch (2017)

  õ The key factor is that Luther said the pope did not have the control over Purgatory that he claimed to have. Only God could grant forgiveness. When the pope at the time, Pope Leo X, got wind of this, he wasn’t too concerned at first. He only started to worry when Luther began gathering followers all over Germany and seriously cutting into his profits from indulgences. õ The 95 Theses are famous, and the day Luther made them known, October 31, 1517, is commonly called Reformation Day and marked as the start of the Protestant Reformation. But the insight that truly caused Luther to break from the Catholic Church was a personal revelation. õ Luther’s personal revelation, which came after studying the Bible for hours and days on end, was this: Good works alone can’t earn you a place in heaven. Luther concluded that when we believe that Jesus is our savior, then God decides to view us differently, even though we remain as sinful as ever. We can sum up Luther’s idea with the slogan sola fide, meaning “by faith alone.” Following the law doesn’t save people, but faith, which is a gift by God’s grace, does. õ Luther found this liberating. He gave up the monastic life and married a former nun—he noted, as many reformers did, that there was nothing in the Bible saying priests had to be celibate. And he let his dirty mouth run wild, insulting his targets with colorful language. õ Luther taught that the priesthood is a profession just like any other; clergy are not special. Catholic theology elevated priests and monks above laypeople, but according to Luther, priests were just as depraved as everyone else, and if works don’t save people, then there was no longer any rationale for monasticism at all. 16 The History of Christianity II

• From Stone Butch Blues (1993)

  I nodded. “T can’t take it anymore.” “Jess,” Karla said, “with all the shit that went down I forgot to ask you what’s up. You said you needed to talk.” That moment was a turning point in my life. I felt like a dam ready to burst but I heard myself say, “Aw, it wasn’t that important.” Karla looked concerned. “Are you sure?” I nodded, feeling the last brick of the wall go up inside of me that might never come down again. “We're going down to Jefferson,” Karla said. “Wanna come?” I shook my head and hugged her goodbye. I didn’t want to face my parents. I knew they wouldn’t be home from work yet, if I hurried. As soon as I got home I took two pillowcases and stuffed all my pants and shirts into them. I reached deep into my closet and pulled out the backpack that contained the tie and jacket Al and Jacqueline had bought me. The ring! I took it out of my mother’s jewelry case and slipped it on my left hand. I hurried, afraid my parents would come home and catch me. I found a piece of paper and a pencil. I was sweating and my hand shook. Dear Mom and Dad, 1 wrote. “Whatcha doing?” Rachel asked me. “Shh!” I continued to write. I got kicked out of school. Its not my fault, in case you care. I’m almost sixteen. I was going to quit anyway. I have a job and money. I’m leaving. Please don't come after me. I dont want to live here anymore. 1 didn’t know what else to write. They could find me at my job if they wanted to, but there was a chance that they'd be as happy to be rid of me as I'd be relieved to be gone. Stone Butch Blues 41 “Whatcha doing?” Rachel asked me again. Her lip trembled. “Shh, don’t cry,” I told her. I gave her a hug. “Tm running away from home.” She shook her head. “You can’t,” she said. I nodded my head. “TI gotta try. ’m going crazy here.” “Tl tell,’ Rachel threatened. I rushed out the door, afraid to be caught by my parents at the last moment. They could use force to bring me back, have me arrested or commit me to an institution. Or they could let me go. It was up to them—Id learned that. I ran down the street until my lungs ached. When I was blocks away I leaned up against a lamppost and caught my breath. I felt free. Free to explore what freedom meant. I looked at my watch. It was time to go to work. I was almost sixteen years old. I had thirty-seven dollars in my pocket. “You're late,’ my foreman told me as I punched in. “Sorry,” I said, and started the machine up right away. “Damn kid,” he told Gloria. She kept her head down until he walked away. 48 Leslie Feinberg

• From The Laws of Human Nature (2018)

  Instead of being weighed down by these encounters, you might even come to appreciate them as a chance to hone your skills of self-mastery and toughen yourself up. Outsmarting just one of these types will give you a great deal of confidence that you can handle the worst in human nature. Fourth, the Laws will teach you the true levers for motivating and influencing people, making your path in life that much easier. Normally, when we meet resistance to our ideas or plans, we cannot help trying to directly change people’s minds by arguing, lecturing, or cajoling them, all of which makes them more defensive. The Laws will teach you that people are naturally stubborn and resistant to influence. You must begin any attempt by lowering their resistance and never inadvertently feeding their defensive tendencies. You will train yourself to discern their insecurities and never inadvertently stir them up. You will think in terms of their self-interest and the self-opinion they need validated. Understanding the permeability of emotions, you will learn that the most effective means of influence is to alter your moods and attitude. People are responding to your energy and demeanor even more than to your words. You will get rid of any defensiveness on your part. Instead, feeling relaxed and genuinely interested in the other person will have a positive and hypnotic effect. You will learn that as a leader your best means of moving people in your direction lies in setting the right tone through your attitude, empathy, and work ethic. Fifth, the Laws will make you realize how deeply the forces of human nature operate within you, giving you the power to alter your own negative patterns. Our natural response to reading or hearing about the darker qualities in human nature is to exclude ourselves. It is always the other person who is narcissistic, irrational, envious, grandiose, aggressive, or passive-aggressive. We almost always see ourselves as having the best intentions. If we go astray, it is the fault of circumstances or people forcing us to react negatively. The Laws will make you stop once and for all this self-deluding process. We are all cut from the same cloth, and we all share the same tendencies. The sooner you realize this, the greater your power will be in overcoming these potential negative traits within you. You will examine your own motives, look at your own shadow, and become aware of your own passive-aggressive tendencies. This will make it that much easier to spot such traits in others. You will also become humbler, realizing you’re not superior to others in the way you had imagined. This will not make you feel guilty or weighed down by your self-awareness, but quite the opposite. You will accept yourself as a complete individual, embracing both the good and the bad, dropping your falsified self- image as a saint. You will feel relieved of your hypocrisies and free to be more yourself. People will be drawn to this quality in you.