Love

Passages

Every passage tagged with this emotion in the Vela corpus. Search the body text, narrow by source or register, click through to a book’s profile to see how the passage sits with the rest of the work.

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• From The Argonauts (2015)

  To save money over the week, we cooked our food in the hotel bathroom on a hot plate. One day we drove to a Sport Chalet and bought a little tent to set up on the beach because the beachside cabanas cost too much money to rent. While you slept I ambled down to the beach and set up the tent, then tried to read Sedgwick’s A Dialogue on Love inside. But it was like a nylon sweat lodge in there, and neither I nor the four-month-old fetus could tolerate it. I had started showing, which was delightful. Maybe there would be a baby. One night we splurged in our sober way and had eight-dollar virgin strawberry daiquiris at the infinity pool, which was stocked with Europeans on cheap vacation packages. The air was hot and lavender with a night storm coming in. There was always a storm coming in. Frat brothers and sorority sisters thronged every fried fish joint on the boardwalk. The crowds were loud and repulsive and a little scary but we were protected by our force field. On our third day, we drove to the second-largest mall in the world and walked for hours, even though I was dizzy and exhausted from early pregnancy and the suffocating heat and you were just barely over the lip of the Vicodin. At the mall I went into Motherhood Maternity and tried on clothes with one of those gelatin strap-on bellies they have so you can see what you’ll look like as you grow big. Wearing the strap-on belly, I tried on a fuzzy white wool sweater with a bow at the sternum, the kind that makes your baby look like a present. I bought the sweater and ended up wearing it back at home all winter. You bought some loungy Adidas pants that look hot on you. Over and over again we emptied your drains into little Dixie cups and flushed the blood stuff down the hotel toilet. I’ve never loved you more than I did then, with your Kool-Aid drains, your bravery in going under the knife to live a better life, a life of wind on skin, your nodding off while propped up on a throne of hotel pillows, so as not to disturb your stitches. “The king’s sleep,” we called it, in homage to our first pay-per-view purchase of the week, The King’s Speech. Later, from our Sheraton Sweet Sleeper® Bed, we ordered X-Men: First Class. Afterward we debated: assimilation vs. revolution. I’m no cheerleader for assimilation per se, but in the movie the assimilationists were advocating nonviolence and identification with the Other in that bastardized Buddhist way that gets me every time. You expressed sympathy for the revolutionaries, who argued, Stay freaky and blow ’em up before they come for you, because no matter what they say, the truth is they want you dead, and you’re fooling yourself if you think otherwise.

• From Rocket Men: The Daring Odyssey of Apollo 8 and the Astronauts Who Made Man’s First Journey to the Moon (2018)

  A well-dressed gentleman must have noticed the expression on his face. “What’s wrong, Lieutenant?” he asked. Borman explained. The man introduced himself as the hotel manager, then gave Frank a key and told him to use the phone in one of the rooms. “Talk as long as you want,” he said. Frank offered money but the man refused. Soon, Frank and Susan were talking and saying “I love you” and wishing each other a merry Christmas. Their call lasted for more than an hour. Now, seventeen years later to the day, Susan remembered that call, and how close she had felt to Frank despite their distance, and from outer space, Frank remembered it, too.

• From The Argonauts (2015)

  Title : The Argonauts Author: Nelson, Maggie Note to the Reader: In the print edition of The Argonauts, attributions for otherwise unattributed text appear in the margins in grayscale. Because of limitations in the conversion of printed books to reflowable ebook files, there is not an adequate way to reproduce those marginal citations alongside the main text in the ebook. Therefore, all quoted text that is not attributed within the body of the text is listed at the end of the book, with italics indicating the quoted material.THE ARGONAUTS [image file=image_rsrcRU.jpg] ALSO BY MAGGIE NELSON The Art of Cruelty: A Reckoning Bluets Women, the New York School, and Other True Abstractions The Red Parts: A Memoir Jane: A Murder Something Bright, Then Holes The Latest Winter Shiner THE ARGONAUTSMaggie Nelson Graywolf Press Copyright © 2015 by Maggie Nelson This publication is made possible, in part, by the voters of Minnesota through a Minnesota State Arts Board Operating Support grant, thanks to a legislative appropriation from the arts and cultural heritage fund, and through a grant from the Wells Fargo Foundation Minnesota. Significant support has also been provided by Target, the McKnight Foundation, Amazon.com, and other generous contributions from foundations, corporations, and individuals. To these organizations and individuals we offer our heartfelt thanks. [image file=image_rsrcRV.jpg] The Argonauts is a project of the Creative Capital Foundation. Published by Graywolf Press 250 Third Avenue North, Suite 600 Minneapolis, Minnesota 55401 All rights reserved. www.graywolfpress.org Published in the United States of America Printed in Canada ISBN 978-1-55597-707-8 Ebook ISBN 978-1-55597-340-7 2 4 6 8 9 7 5 3 1 First Graywolf Printing, 2015 Library of Congress Control Number: 2014960046 Cover design: Jeenee Lee Design for Harry THE ARGONAUTSOctober, 2007. The Santa Ana winds are shredding the bark off the eucalyptus trees in long white stripes. A friend and I risk the widowmakers by having lunch outside, during which she suggests I tattoo the words HARD TO GET across my knuckles, as a reminder of this pose’s possible fruits. Instead the words I love you come tumbling out of my mouth in an incantation the first time you fuck me in the ass, my face smashed against the cement floor of your dank and charming bachelor pad. You had Molloy by your bedside and a stack of cocks in a shadowy unused shower stall. Does it get any better? What’s your pleasure? you asked, then stuck around for an answer. Before we met, I had spent a lifetime devoted to Wittgenstein’s idea that the inexpressible is contained—inexpressibly!—in the expressed. This idea gets less air time than his more reverential Whereof one cannot speak thereof one must be silent, but it is, I think, the deeper idea. Its paradox is, quite literally, why I write, or how I feel able to keep writing.

• From Little Women (1868)

  "Not asleep, but so happy, dear. See, I found this and read it. I knew you wouldn't care. Have I been all that to you, Jo?" she asked, with wistful, humble earnestness. "Oh , Beth, so much, so much!" and Jo's head went down upon the pillow beside her sister's. "Then I don't feel as if I'd wasted my life. I'm not so good as you make me, but I have tried to do right. And now, when it's too late to begin even to do better, it's such a comfort to know that someone loves me so much, and feels as if I'd helped them." "More than any one in the world, Beth. I used to think I couldn't let you go, but I'm learning to feel that I don't lose you, that you'll be more to me than ever, and death can't part us, though it seems to." "I know it cannot, and I don't fear it any longer, for I'm sure I shall be your Beth still, to love and help you more than ever. You must take my place, Jo, and be everything to Father and Mother when I'm gone. They will turn to you, don't fail them, and if it's hard to work alone, remember that I don't forget you, and that you'll be happier in doing that than writing splendid books or seeing all the world, for love is the only thing that we can carry with us when we go, and it makes the end so easy." "I'll try, Beth." and then and there Jo renounced her old ambition, pledged herself to a new and better one, acknowledging the poverty of other desires, and feeling the blessed solace of a belief in the immortality of love. So the spring days came and went, the sky grew clearer, the earth greener, the flowers were up fairly early, and the birds came back in time to say goodbye to Beth, who, like a tired but trustful child, clung to the hands that had led her all her life, as Father and Mother guided her tenderly through the Valley of the Shadow, and gave her up to God. Seldom except in books do the dying utter memorable words, see visions, or depart with beatified countenances, and those who have sped many parting souls know that to most the end comes as naturally and simply as sleep. As Beth had hoped, the 'tide went out easily', and in the dark hour before dawn, on the bosom where she had drawn her first breath, she quietly drew her last, with no farewell but one loving look, one little sigh.

• From Escape (2007)

  But change came incrementally. First women were told to change the way they wore their hair and the way they dressed. Several years after the raid, the practice of marriage by the prophet’s revelation began. Uncle Roy explained that because they had been so faithful to God, they were ready to receive a more exalted doctrine. Even though the changes were more restrictive, each was seen as a blessing from God. Obedience had saved them during the raid. Uncle Roy would continue to protect them and act in their best interest as long as they trusted him completely. Freedom was swapped for security. Each young girl was instructed to pray that the prophet would receive a revelation identifying the man she belonged to. We were taught that men and women made a covenant to marry each other before coming to earth. Falling in love with someone independently of the prophet’s revelation was absolutely forbidden, even if it was someone within the FLDS, because that would be a violation of the covenant made to God before birth. These new restrictions governing daily lives came from within the FLDS, not from without. After the Short Creek raid, everyone was even more willing to be obedient to the prophet in every area of their lives. People were very scared because they knew polygamy was against the law and that the state could come in at any time and arrest them again. Because it was believed that Uncle Roy had rescued them and saved them from losing their children, there was not a scintilla of doubt about his being a true prophet of God. This was when the unquestionable authority of the prophet really took hold. My grandmother held me in her lap and lovingly told me these stories. It was as if she was handing me maps, charting out the future that she knew I was destined to live. Child’s Play Let’s play apocalypse!” was the cry that set us off and running through the orchard of my uncle Lee’s house. The thrill of playing apocalypse as a six-year-old is unforgettable. It was magic, our version of hide-and-seek. We grew up knowing a lot about the end of the world. It had been drilled into us in Sunday school that we were God’s chosen people. When the end times came, we would be saved, the wicked killed, and the world destroyed. I was too young to question these ideas; they were my spiritual ABCs. Contrary to what most would think, we were not taught that the destruction of the world was a bad thing. Not at all. It was a good thing because it would usher in a thousand years of peace.

• From The Ultimate Guide to Orgasm for Women: How to Become Orgasmic for a Lifetime (2011)

  Acting responsibly means acting with compassion. Being compassionate means being respectful of all beings, including ourselves. It is this last piece that we tend to miss out on. Too few of us grow up with a sense of our own self-worth and our right to self-determination. We don’t live in a society that lovingly encourages us to live up to our full potential. Most of us grow up unaware that there are many different choices to be made, many different paths to follow. Many of us are deeply wounded and don’t even know it until we accidentally stumble upon a path of healing. Yes, we need to be loved. We also need to love ourselves. We need to develop a sense of our own self-worth, worth that has nothing to do with our accomplishments in the world, and everything to do with who we are. A sense of self-worth allows us to tap into our inner power. We can hinder each other from experiencing self-worth by putting each other down. Respect is an integral component of compassion, and compassion is nonjudgmental love. When we experience nonjudgmental love from another being, it enables us to accept ourselves, and this in turn allows us to experience our own inner power. When we experience inner power, we no longer feel a need to exert power over others, to force others to agree with us, to prove that we know the answers and everyone else is wrong. Inner power is nonjudgmental and respects other people’s choices. Love that disempowers is not true love, and power that does not come from inside, that does not respect other people, is not true power. True power is always loving, and true loving is always empowering. Loving one another, and especially children, is vital, but if it isn’t coupled with the right to self-determination, it is useless. We must teach our children respect, and we can only do this by offering it to them; that means allowing them to make their own decisions about what is right and wrong for them. Self-esteem, self-respect, and self-worth are all the same thing, and when they are present in an individual, that person is automatically selfempowered. Working with Energy Responsible living involves being able to channel our energy so it doesn’t harm other people. A feeling is energy, whether it is physical, sexual, intuitive, or emotional. We can choose what to do with the energy that grows out of feelings. For instance, if we feel angry, we can channel it into chopping wood; we can yell at the kids; we can channel it into an orgasm; we can kick the dog; we can rant.

• From Little Women (1868)

  Little Teddy bore a charmed life, for nothing ever happened to him, and Jo never felt any anxiety when he was whisked up into a tree by one lad, galloped off on the back of another, or supplied with sour russets by his indulgent papa, who labored under the Germanic delusion that babies could digest anything, from pickled cabbage to buttons, nails, and their own small shoes. She knew that little Ted would turn up again in time, safe and rosy, dirty and serene, and she always received him back with a hearty welcome, for Jo loved her babies tenderly. At four o'clock a lull took place, and baskets remained empty, while the apple pickers rested and compared rents and bruises. Then Jo and Meg, with a detachment of the bigger boys, set forth the supper on the grass, for an out-of-door tea was always the crowning joy of the day. The land literally flowed with milk and honey on such occasions, for the lads were not required to sit at table, but allowed to partake of refreshment as they liked—freedom being the sauce best beloved by the boyish soul. They availed themselves of the rare privilege to the fullest extent, for some tried the pleasing experiment of drinking milk while standing on their heads, others lent a charm to leapfrog by eating pie in the pauses of the game, cookies were sown broadcast over the field, and apple turnovers roosted in the trees like a new style of bird. The little girls had a private tea party, and Ted roved among the edibles at his own sweet will. When no one could eat any more, the Professor proposed the first regular toast, which was always drunk at such times—"Aunt March, God bless her!" A toast heartily given by the good man, who never forgot how much he owed her, and quietly drunk by the boys, who had been taught to keep her memory green. "Now, Grandma's sixtieth birthday! Long life to her, with three times three!" That was given with a will, as you may well believe, and the cheering once begun, it was hard to stop it. Everybody's health was proposed, from Mr. Laurence, who was considered their special patron, to the astonished guinea pig, who had strayed from its proper sphere in search of its young master. Demi, as the oldest grandchild, then presented the queen of the day with various gifts, so numerous that they were transported to the festive scene in a wheelbarrow. Funny presents, some of them, but what would have been defects to other eyes were ornaments to Grandma's—for the children's gifts were all their own. Every stitch Daisy's patient little fingers had put into the handkerchiefs she hemmed was better than embroidery to Mrs. March.

• From The Ultimate Guide to Orgasm for Women: How to Become Orgasmic for a Lifetime (2011)

  The alignment of the internal with the external occurs when you acknowledge the forces that motivate you and consciously work with them rather than against them. This is what I am calling integrity. When you consciously choose a path of integrity, the opportunities that present themselves are exactly right for you. Your energy will be in synchronicity with the energy of the universe. Feelings, attractions, desires, and needs arise from good sense and inner wisdom, and they lead you wherever you need to be. The direction of your life may not be clear until you have gone a little way down the path, and then you will see that it is exactly right. When you arrive at this place, you will fall in love at the right times with the right people. But if you aren’t there yet, and if you are not on a path of change and growth, then your feelings, attractions, desires, and needs may be toxic to you. If you are at odds with yourself, then you will be at odds with the energy of the universe. We can choose to accept the stereotypical ways of being in the world, and live in fear of being abnormal, or we can choose instead to take an active role in challenging those stereotypes within ourselves and outside ourselves. In my opinion, the latter course is the one that offers us the broader future. It is my hope that it is the path you will choose. Notes 1 Gina Ogden, Women Who Love Sex: Ordinary Women Describe Their Paths to Pleasure, Intimacy, and Ecstasy (Trumpeter, 2007). Originally published in 1994.2 Annual Review of Sex Research, Volume VI, 1995.3 Alan and Donna Brauer, ESO: How You and Your Lover Can Give Each Other Hours of Extended Sexual Orgasm (Grand Central Publishing, 2001). Originally published in 1983.4 Judy Grahn, Another Mother Tongue: Gay Words, Gay Worlds (Beacon Press, 1990).APPENDIX A: SAFER SEX In this day and age it would be irresponsible to write a book on sex without including some information on the risk of disease. Some diseases, such as herpes and chlamydia, are spread primarily by sexual contact, and others, such as hepatitis and HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, can be spread by a variety of methods, including sexual contact. One of the most common modes of transmission for AIDS is shared needles among intravenous drug users. There are some high-risk professions, also, including health-care workers who routinely come into contact with blood products.

• From Augustine: Philosopher and Saint (2005)

  30 ecarG dna ,evoL ,htiaF :7 erutceL Faith, Love, and Grace Lecture 7 We begin now to examine Augustine’s doctrine of grace, which is his most important contribution to Western thought. I n this lecture we examine the key concepts of Faith (and related concepts such as Authority and Understanding) and Love (and related concepts such as Charity, using and enjoying, Beauty, and Will) and look at grace as the inner connection between Faith and Love. Objectives Upon completion of this lecture, you should be able to: • Explain the relation between Faith and Understanding in Augustine. • Explain the concept of authority in Augustine. • De(cid:191) ne Charity, contrast it with other kinds of love, and distinguish it from almsgiving. • Explain the contrast between use and enjoyment in Augustine. • Explain the connection between Love and Beauty in Augustine. • Explain the connection between Faith and Love in Augustine. Faith and Understanding • Understanding is the goal. (cid:405) Happiness is beati(cid:191) c vision (literally, “the seeing that makes happy”), which means seeing God. (cid:405) Beati(cid:191) c vision is intellectual vision (i.e., seeing with the mind’s eye—understanding him). (cid:405) Our problem is that our mind’s eye is weak, sick, and impure, not ready to see God. • Faith is the Way: (cid:405) Our minds are puri(cid:191) ed (and justi(cid:191) ed) by Faith. (cid:405) Augustine’s motto here is “Unless you believe, you will not understand.” (cid:405) Belief is based on Authority, as Understanding is based on Reason. (cid:405) Authority is opaque: it requires us to believe what we cannot yet understand, trusting in what we’re taught without being able to see it for ourselves. • Faith and Love: (cid:405) Faith leads ultimately to Understanding, but (cid:191) rst of all it leads to Charity or the Love of God. (cid:405) The key biblical text here is 1 Corinthians 13:13, which lists Faith, Hope, and Charity as the key Christian virtues. Love and Happiness Charity: • Charity is one kind of love. • In contrast to modern usage, when Augustine speaks of “Charity” he means more than just giving to the poor. • Charity is obedience to Jesus’ twofold command of love: love for God and love for neighbor. • Charity is not the same thing as unsel(cid:191) shness: For Augustine, Charity is the way we seek ultimate happiness. • Charity includes love of neighbor—helping our neighbor (cid:191) nd the same ultimate happiness we are seeking, i.e., God. • Charity is the opposite of cupidity or concupiscence. • Compare “My will is my weight” in Confessions 10:27.38 (see lecture 5). • Love unites us with what we love; hence Charity, which is the love of God and neighbor, unites us with God and neighbor—and this is what Augustine means by “heaven.” Use and enjoyment (On Christian Doctrine, book 1): • Using is a form of love, according to Augustine. • We should use temporal things to get eternal things—like using the 31

• From Augustine: Philosopher and Saint (2005)

  32 ecarG dna ,evoL ,htiaF :7 erutceL road to get to the destination. We love the road (this earth, this mortal life) for the sake of the destination. • Enjoying means using with delight, clinging to something for its own sake, trying to (cid:191) nd our happiness in it. • Cupidity means trying to (cid:191) nd our ultimate happiness by enjoying something other than God. It makes us miserable, as the Confessions illustrates. • Enjoying God is the only thing that can make us ultimately happy. • Love unites us with what we love: hence enjoying God means being united with him. • We can enjoy our neighbors in God, i.e., being joined to them as one body joined to God (like spokes of a wheel all joined at one hub). Beauty and will: Augustine’s concept of Charity owes a great deal to Plato’s concept of eros in the Symposium and the Phaedrus, especially in the following respects: • We love what we see as beautiful. • Love aspires upward to eternal Beauty. • Love is at the deepest desire of our souls. • Love is beyond the control of our will (as anyone who has ever fallen in love knows). Grace • Justi(cid:191) cation by Grace: (cid:405) De(cid:191) nitions: justi(cid:191) cation (= being made righteous), righteousness (= justice), grace (= gift of God). (cid:405) For Paul and Augustine, “righteousness” means Charity (i.e., obedience to Jesus’ twofold command of love). (cid:405) Augustine’s key treatise on the doctrine of justi(cid:191) cation (i.e., on how we become righteous) is On the Spirit and the Letter. (cid:405) The key contrast in this treatise is slavish obedience versus (cid:191) lial obedience, i.e., obeying God’s law out of fear or obeying it out of love.

• From Augustine: Philosopher and Saint (2005)

  (cid:405) True obedience (= righteousness = Charity) is a gift of God’s grace, not a result of our efforts to obey (“works of the law,” as Paul calls them). (cid:405) Justi(cid:191) cation by faith: We become righteous by praying for grace. (cid:405) What God’s grace does is cause us to delight in obedience. (“Everything is easy for love,” as Augustine says). (cid:405) Using a metaphor from Romans 5:5, Augustine calls it “infused love”—it is as if God poured love into our souls from above. (cid:405) Another metaphor for grace is inner teaching. (cid:405) Grace is a gift of the Holy Spirit—we come to love God because God’s own Spirit dwells within us in response to our prayer for grace. (cid:405) The connection between Faith and Charity: in faith we pray for grace, and what we get is the ability to love God, which we couldn’t do before. • Faith as a gift: (cid:405) The late anti-Pelagian treatises raise the issue of predestination. (cid:405) Justi(cid:191) cation is by faith—but where does faith come from? Augustine, like Plato, thinks love isn’t within our own power, but what about faith? Isn’t it up to us whether we believe or not? In the late anti-Pelagian treatises, Augustine answers “no.” (cid:405) Troubling conclusions: If even Faith is ultimately a gift of God, then whether we are saved or not is ultimately up to God, not us. Some people (cid:191) nd this comforting, others terrifying. See next lecture. (cid:374) Essential Reading Augustine, The Essential Augustine, pp. 23–33 (readings on Faith and Understanding). ———, On Christian Doctrine, book 1. 33 34 ecarG dna ,evoL ,htiaF :7 erutceL ———, On the Spirit and the Letter, 1.1–15.42 (in Burnaby, Augustine: Later Works). Supplementary Reading Augustine, On Free Will, book 1. ———, Sermons on the (cid:191) rst Letter of John (in Burnaby, Augustine: Later Works). Brown, Augustine of Hippo, chapter 15. Burnaby, Amor Dei, chapters 4 and 5 (fundamental study of Augustine’s view of love). Nygren, Eros and Agape, pp. 476–558 (famous critique of Augustine’s view of love as too Platonist). Plato, Phaedrus 244a–257b. ———, Symposium 199c–212b. Questions to Consider 1. What does “Faith” mean to you? Is your concept of faith similar to Augustine’s? 2. Augustine thinks we cannot love or be happy without the inner help of God’s grace. Is this a comforting thought or a troubling one?

• From The Argonauts (2015)

  Even identical genital acts mean very different things to different people. This is a crucial point to remember, and also a difficult one. It reminds us that there is difference right where we may be looking for, and expecting, communion. At twenty-eight weeks, I was hospitalized for some bleeding. While discussing a possible placental issue, one doctor quipped, “We don’t want that, because while that would likely be OK for the baby, it might not be OK for you.” By pressing a bit, I figured out that she meant, in that particular scenario, the baby would likely live, but I might not. Now, I loved my hard-won baby-to-be fiercely, but I was in no way ready to bow out of this vale of tears for his survival. Nor do I think those who love me would have looked too kindly on such a decision—a decision that doctors elsewhere on the globe are mandated to make, and that the die-hard antiabortionists are going for here. Once I was riding in a cab to JFK, passing by that amazingly overpacked cemetery along the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway (Calvary?). My cabdriver gazed out wistfully at the headstones packed onto the hill and said, Many of those graves are the graves of children. Likely so, I returned with a measure of fatigued trepidation, the result of years of fielding unwanted monologues from cabdrivers about how women should live or behave. It is a good thing when children die, he said. They go straight to Paradise, because they are the innocents. During my sleepless night under placental observation, this monologue came back to me. And I wondered if, instead of working to fulfill the dream of worldwide enforced childbearing, abortion foes could instead get excited about all the innocent, unborn souls going straight from the abortion table to Paradise, no detour necessary into this den of iniquity, which eventually makes whores of us all (not to mention Social Security recipients). Could that get them off our backs once and for all? Never in my life have I felt more prochoice than when I was pregnant. And never in my life have I understood more thoroughly, and been more excited about, a life that began at conception. Feminists may never make a bumper sticker that says IT’S A CHOICE AND A CHILD, but of course that’s what it is, and we know it. We don’t need to wait for George Carlin to spill the beans. We’re not idiots; we understand the stakes. Sometimes we choose death. Harry and I sometimes joke that women should get way beyond twenty weeks—maybe even up to two days after birth—to decide if they want to keep the baby. (Joke, OK?)

• From The Mystical Tradition

  1. The role of the shaykh, a spiritual leader with absolute authority over the disciple (murid), is decisive; the zawiah is the place of gathering. 2. The communal structure of the brotherhoods provides support to the seeker. C. The Sufi follows a threefold path of knowledge, love, and prayer toward union with al-haqq. 1. Knowledge includes both esoteric knowledge concerning ascent and theosophical knowledge of the relation of the self to God; elements of Gnosticism and Pantheism are sometimes found. 2. The Sufi cultivates an emotional response of love, as well as external obedience; the use of erotic language to express the love of Allah is not uncommon. 3. The characteristic prayer of the Sufi is recollection (dhikr); sometimes, this involves the use of music (sawa) and the recitation of the “names of Allah” on prayer beads. D. The Sufi’s progression is marked by definite stages and states on the path to Allah. 1. Stages are the result of human effort and include repentance, watchfulness, renunciation, poverty, mortification, and absolute trust in Allah. The prayer of recollection moves one along this path. 2. States are gifts of Allah over which the Sufi has no control. The highest two states are “passing away” (fana) and “passing away of passing away” (fana al-fana). IV. Like mysticism in Judaism and Christianity—but perhaps even more dramatically—Sufism has posed problems for the exoteric tradition in Islam. A. At the theoretical level, the tendency of Sufi Monotheism to move toward Pantheism, the esoteric reading of the Qur’an, and the exaltation of the saints can all erode the Shari’ah and even the shahadah. B. At the practical level, the cultivation of saints has given rise to a number of problematic associations, and the power of the brotherhoods always challenges the authority of the ulama. 118 ©2008 The Teaching Company. Recommended Reading: Nicholson, R. A. The Mystics of Islam. Questions to Consider: 1. Compare the Sufi brotherhood to Jewish and Christian mystical communities, noting points of similarity and dissimilarity. 2. Why is sexual asceticism a feature of renunciation in Christianity but not in Judaism and Islam? ©2008 The Teaching Company. 119

• From The Mystical Tradition

  D. These factors come together in distinctive fashion in two of the great Sufi masters, Ibn al-‘Arabi, and Jalal ad-Din Rumi. II. The way of knowledge is illustrated by Ibn al-‘Arabi (1165–1240), called al-Shaykh al-Akbar (“The Great Master”) by the many who have been shaped by his learning and mystical insight. A. His life is full of colorful incident and travel, perfectly exemplifying the image of the Sufi as wanderer. 1. Of Arabic lineage, he was born in Spain and was educated in Islamic lore in Seville; he held a position as a minor official, married the first of several wives, and at around the age of 20, joined the Sufi path. 2. An account of a meeting with the philosopher Ibn Rushd celebrates the great “opening” to spiritual insight al-‘Arabi had accomplished “as a beardless youth.” 3. He wrote his first book, Contemplation of the Holy Mysteries, early in life. 4. Restless travels brought al-‘Arabi to Mecca, where he began The Meccan Openings. Before leaving Spain, however, he also wrote the book that has been excerpted as the Sufis of Andalusia. 5. In his travels, he met a young woman who served as a muse for his love poetry, The Interpreter of Desires. 6. Further travels led him to Konya (and his best disciple, Sadr ad-Din al-Qunawi) and finally, to Damascus. B. Al-‘Arabi was a prolific writer, with some 700 writings attributed to him; about 400 of these works are extant, most of them unedited or untranslated. As a result, his influence remains largely among Sufis. 1. The Meccan Openings consists of 2,500 pages in Arabic. It is vastly learned, eclectic, and unsystematic: a treasure house of Gnostic lore. 2. The Interpreter of Dreams is the collection of love poetry that kept al-‘Arabi in trouble with authorities, who suspected that the work was not mystical but merely erotic. 3. The Bezels of Wisdom (Fusus al-Hakim) is al-‘Arabi’s most influential work, giving rise to many commentaries. He treats the wisdom brought by 27 of Allah’s prophets, including Jesus, based on a close analysis of Qur’anic verses. 128 ©2008 The Teaching Company.

• From The Mystical Tradition

  C. Al-‘Arabi’s teaching is nonsystematic even as it is theosophical: It resembles outbursts of affirmation or revelation more than logical argument. The theme of divine immanence is pervasive. 1. The question of “the one and the many” is examined in his close analysis of the names of Allah. 2. The doctrine of “oneness of being” (wahdat al-wajud, though al-‘Arabi does not use that term) struggles with the “realness” of God’s existence and the relative nonbeing of existence. 3. The divine immanence underlies his convictions concerning the “perfect man” (al insan al-kamil), the image toward which the Sufi strives. III. The way of love is emphasized by Jalal ad-Din Rumi (1207–1273), called Mawlana (“our Lord”) by followers, who is recognized not only as a great saint but as one of the world’s great poets. A. In contrast to that of Ibn al-‘Arabi, the life of Rumi was settled and largely domestic. 1. He wrote the New Persian of his native land (Iran) and was born into a family of scholars and mystics. 2. His name, Rumi (“Roman”), was given him because he lived in Konya, in present-day Turkey, formerly part of the Roman Empire. 3. Married and with two sons, he took over his father’s madrassa at age 25 but started his public life of preaching in the mosques of Konya in 1240. 4. His most important relationship was with the dervish Shams-e Tabrizi in the years 1244–1248, bringing out new aspects of his spirituality and inspiring his poetry. 5. The experience of such intense friendship and its loss became an analogy from his own life for the Sufi’s love of Allah. B. Although he wrote some prose works—lectures, sermons, and letters—it is Rumi’s poetry (inspired by the sama’ of song and dance) that defines his place in Sufism and world literature. 1. The Masnawi Ma’nawi (Spiritual Couplets) is a single poem of 25,000 verses in six books, with 300 longer and shorter anecdotes dealing with love. It has been called the “Qur’an in the Persian language.” 2. The Diwan-i Shams-i Tabrizi (Works of Shams of Tabriz) includes 40,000 lines of ghazals and other miscellaneous love poems. ©2008 The Teaching Company. 129

• From The Mystical Tradition

  C. Rumi’s teaching is, as appropriate to poetry, indirect and affective, exploring every dimension of the love relationship between God and the mystic. 1. Rumi’s is a religion of love, and he does not tire of describing the beloved, especially in terms of mercy. 2. One of his poignant themes is that of the loss of the beloved, with its attendant heartache, and the joy that accompanies reunion. 3. The deepest form of love involves escape from the selfish impulses of the ego. D. Rumi is the founder of the Mawlawi Sufi Order that spread throughout Turkey and played a significant role in its culture and history. 1. This order of Sufis was especially associated with dance and song. 2. Throughout its long history, the order was led by a descendant of its founder. Recommended Reading: Nasr, S. H. ed., Islamic Spirituality. Questions to Consider: 1. Consider the ways in which community, the study of texts, and personal experience shaped the two mystics in this lecture. 2. Why has Rumi gained such renown as a representative of Sufi Mysticism? 130 ©2008 The Teaching Company. Lecture Thirty-Three Sufism in 12th–14th Century North Africa Scope: Sufism was one of the chief instruments of Islam’s spread throughout the territories conquered by Arab troops in the period 641–725. This lecture takes up the lives and diverse writings of three Sufi teachers in North Africa. The Egyptian Sufi ‘Umar ibn al-Farid is venerated as one of the greatest poets in Arabic; even in translation, it is possible to appreciate his bold rendering of the Sufi way. A century later, another Egyptian Sufi, Ibn ‘Ata’illah, composed The Book of Wisdom, whose aphorisms offer pithy advice to the mystic. Later in the 14th century, Ibn ‘Abbad of Ronda, a Sufi born in Spain who flourished in Morocco, offered advice in the form of Letters on the Sufi Path. Outline I. A long historical perspective on any phenomenon, including Islamic Mysticism, inevitably distorts reality by simplifying it. A. The expansion of Islam throughout North Africa was astonishing. 1. Arab troops conquered Egypt (641), Tunisia (643), Cyprus (649), Carthage (697), Algiers (700), Spain (711), Portugal (716), and southern France (725) before Charles Martel finally stopped Islam’s westward expansion at Tours (732). 2. Such conquests swallowed vast territories and culturally complex populations. B. The speed of the conquest made the task of assimilation even more difficult, although our distance in space and time obscures the specific local problems. 1. Throughout the next centuries, North African Islam faced external threats from the Persian Empire, the Byzantine Empire, and Crusaders from Europe. 2. Internal conflicts included rival caliphates (the Fatimid Caliphate was founded in 909 and governed much of North Africa from the city of Cairo), as well as competing schools of Shari’ah and different forms of mysticism. ©2008 The Teaching Company. 131

• From Hillbilly Elegy (2016)

  But Mamaw respected his loyalty and the fact that he would go to any length to protect the honor of his family. Though he murdered countless enemies and drank excessively, the only criticism she ever levied against him involved his infidelity. “He’s always sleeping around. I don’t like that.” I also saw for the first time Mamaw’s love of children, not as an object of her affection but as an observer of it. She often babysat for Lindsay’s or Aunt Wee’s young kids. One day she had both of Aunt Wee’s girls for the day and Aunt Wee’s dog in the backyard. When the dog barked, Mamaw screamed, “Shut up, you son of a bitch.” My cousin Bonnie Rose ran to the back door and began screaming over and over, “Son of a bitch! Son of a bitch!” Mamaw hobbled over to Bonnie Rose and scooped her up in her arms. “Shhh! You can’t say that or you’ll get me in trouble.” But she was laughing so hard that she could barely get the words out. A few weeks later, I got home from school and asked Mamaw how her day had gone. She told me that she’d had a great day because she’d been watching Lindsay’s son Kameron. “He asked me if he could say ‘fuck’ like I do. I told him yes, but only at my house.” Then she chuckled quietly to herself. Regardless of how she felt, whether her emphysema made it difficult to breathe or her hip hurt so badly that she could barely walk, she never turned down an opportunity to “spend time with those babies,” as she put it. Mamaw loved them, and I began to understand why she had always dreamed of becoming a lawyer for abused and neglected children. At some point, Mamaw underwent major back surgery to help with the pain that made walking difficult. She landed in a nursing home for a few months to recover, forcing me to live alone, an experience that happily didn’t last long. Every night she called Lindsay, Aunt Wee, or me and made the same request: “I hate the damned food here. Can you go to Taco Bell and get me a bean burrito?” Indeed, Mamaw hated everything about the nursing home and once asked me to promise that if she ever faced a permanent stay, I’d take her .44 Magnum and put a bullet in her head. “Mamaw, you can’t ask me to do that. I’d go to jail for the rest of my life.” “Well,” she said, pausing for a moment to reflect, “then get your hands on some arsenic. That way no one will know.” Her back surgery, it turned out, was completely unnecessary. She had a broken hip, and as soon as a surgeon repaired it, she was back on her feet, though she used a walker or cane from then on.

• From Going Clear (2013)

  Annie resumed using her maiden name, Tidman. Although she was continuously under guard, she had fallen in love with another Sea Org member— Jim Logan, the same man who had recruited Paul Haggis into Scientology on the street corner in London, Ontario. Annie had met Logan in Happy Valley when both were on the RPF. Jim and Annie married in June 1990 and moved to Sea Org berthing near Gold Base. Logan was no longer the long-haired hippie he had been in those days; he was now middle-aged and balding, with a black moustache, but he still had those intense, playful eyes and a ready laugh. His out-sized, boisterous personality didn’t always fit well in the highly regimented life he had signed up for. In the summer of 1992, Logan was served with a “ non-enturbulation order,” which meant that he should stop stirring things up. In October, eight men came to escort him to a detention facility where troublesome staff members were confined. Logan was told that he had been declared a Suppressive Person and was going to be booted out of the Sea Org. Annie had previously confided that she was “finished” with the Sea Org and would leave if Jim was ready. He didn’t want to go then; he still hoped to rehabilitate himself in the eyes of the church, but Annie made application to formally route out of the Sea Org. In a few months, if all went well, they would have a quiet reunion in Nova Scotia, where they could have children and forget the past. Annie promised him, “ They can’t make me divorce you.” But on October 8, 1992, Logan’s last day in the Sea Org, church officials told him that Annie had been ordered to disconnect from him. He was served with divorce papers, given a freeloader tab for more than $350,000, and then dropped off at the bus station with a ticket to Bangor, Maine. Several times after that, Jim and Annie were able to speak secretly. She would manage to sneak a call to him late at night, or he would have his mother call her. When Annie couldn’t wait any longer to see him, Jim bought her an open ticket from Ontario, California—the nearest airport—to Bangor. It would be waiting for her to pick up whenever she wanted. A few weeks later, Jim got a call from Annie: she was on her way. It was about five in the morning in California. She was catching a flight that stopped in Denver, then went on to Boston, where she would change planes for Bangor. Jim set out from Nova Scotia for the nine-hour drive to the airport.

• From In the Unlikely Event (2015)

  Too young to really be in love… Something about that song, something about the tender way they sang it to her, made Miri tear up. She loved her friends. She loved her family. She loved Mason. She couldn’t bear the idea of losing any of them. Ever. [image "Elizabeth Daily Post" file=Image00016.jpg] [image "Elizabeth Daily Post" file=Image00016.jpg] TRUCE TEAMS STILL WRANGLE OVER KOREA TAX INCREASES LOOMMUSAN, KOREA, JAN. 16 — Truce negotiators kept tempers in check today as they wrangled fruitlessly over terms of a Korean armistice. The only outburst came from a Chinese delegate who referred scornfully to America’s allies as “running dogs.” U.S. casualties to date total 104,084, with 15,950 killed, 75,374 wounded and 12,760 missing or held as prisoners. On the home front, facing a budget deficit because of the Korean War, President Truman has again proposed increasing taxes, the fourth time since the hostilities began. “We have to be fiscally responsible,” a presidential spokesman explained. But Congress seems more intent on finding ways to cut spending, especially in an election year. 11 [image "image" file=Image00005.jpg] [image file=Image00005.jpg] SteveOn Thursday, January 17, Steve Osner and his father flew to Boston for college interviews at Brandeis and Tufts. Steve had been to Syracuse with Phil Stein and his father, a Syracuse alum, a fraternity man, who was treated like the BMOC he must have been. Steve already knew Syracuse was his first choice but his father insisted he look at other schools, too. “Keep your options open, son.” He’d applied to the two Boston-area schools and he liked what he saw, but not enough to change his mind. His father took him to lunch between interviews at a Harvard Square restaurant. It was good to be alone with his father when he wasn’t on, singing to his patients or telling jokes. Even at home his father was always performing for Fern and Natalie, making them laugh at the dinner table. His mother was more proper, more concerned with doing things the right way, which was her way. Deep down he knew he was more like his mother, even though there were times when he wished he could be more like his father. “Nice-looking coeds,” his father said of the college girls at the restaurant. Steve agreed. Nice-looking coeds. But none so nice as Kathy Stein. He knew it had been very different for his father, who had grown up poor but strong-willed, working his way through college, then dental school. He knew he was supposed to feel grateful that life was easier for him, though sometimes he wasn’t so sure it was. Sometimes he felt he was carrying a heavy load, that he’d never be able to be a good enough person. His parents’ expectations for him were too great. Is that why he’d shouted at Mason McKittrick the night of his sister’s party? Phil wanted to know what had gotten into him.

• From Action (2014)

  I broke up with my fiancé not long after that day. Even though wanting to be with Wes wasn’t the reason behind that split, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t totally jazzed when we started dating a few weeks later. Despite the intense bond I felt with him, I tried to keep things super-casual for a few months, during which time I refused to call him my boyfriend and dated other people. I didn’t want to get too involved because, as I told him one morning after we’d spent the night together, I didn’t believe in the whole “love” thing. He told me that he was a longtime cheater, too, and, like me, he felt some shame about that, but he didn’t think it exempted us from falling in love with each other, which, yo, we totally were! We mutually decided that non-monogamy was the best option for us as a couple, and I’m so glad we did, because it worked better than anything either of us had experienced before. And guess what? I was very incorrect about love not being real, which is probably the greatest thing I’ve ever been proven wrong about. Here’s what non-monogamy meant for us: Like many people who are deeply obsessed with their main squeeze, as I was with Wes, I wanted to spend as much time with him as I possibly could without our driving each other crazy. Also like many others who are deeply in love with their person, I occasionally wanted to french people who weren’t him, as did he with not-mes. The difference between monogamous relationships and our thing was that we acted on those feelings, and we didn’t want to sob, scream, or murk each other afterward. There was none of the sinking dread involved with cheating that I was all too familiar with. I got all of the action, with none of the harrowing doubt about whether I’d ever be able to truly love someone without fucking them over. Doesn’t that sound kind of nice? There are some drawbacks to non-monogamy, of course. I was happy with the mechanics of my romantic situation, but that doesn’t mean others in my life agreed with my choices. Maybe you’re one of those people, in which case, get bent! Just kidding, my dude—I like you just the same, and I’m going to do my best to clear up any misconceptions or stigmas that you, a person who is maybe curious about open relationships but skeptical that they can work, might be harboring. The truth is that it’s more than possible to be in such a relationship without having it wreck your life, and that wanting to try non-monogamy doesn’t make you a misguided perv who doesn’t understand how to do love “right.” For your perusal, I now present this not-comprehensive but still probably kind of helpful list of things worth knowing when you’re figuring out how to screw the world without screwing up your relationship.