Love

Passages

Every passage tagged with this emotion in the Vela corpus. Search the body text, narrow by source or register, click through to a book’s profile to see how the passage sits with the rest of the work.

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• From Worried about Everything Because I Pray about Nothing (2022)

  He’s not subject to the limitations of earth. He’s the God of heaven. He’s not against us. He is for us. He’s our Father. God created us, then He redeemed us. He adopted us as His kids. And there is nothing that can separate us from His love. The God of all creation, the ruler of the universe, is our dad. I’ve known that my whole life, but it took becoming a dad myself to really start to grasp the depth of this. I love my kids more than the world. Yes, I joke about the challenges of parenthood, but I wouldn’t trade those challenges for any comfort, any convenience, any luxury. I love my kids. Period. Even at five o’clock in the morning when no human being should be awake, and yet they are. Even at 11 p.m. when I want some alone time with my wife, but they keep popping out of bed like characters in a Whac-A-Mole game. Even when—especially when—they are sick or sad or scared, and they need someone to trust and hug. They are mine, and nothing will ever change that. That’s how God feels about us. We don’t come to God in prayer as our boss or our overlord or a judge waiting to decide whether to condemn or acquit us, but as His children. Sit with that for a few minutes and just think about it. Inhale: I am God’s child. Exhale: I am safe in His presence. Honestly, I think that if we grasped this simple truth, everything would change. How much worry, guilt, fear, and condemnation do we carry because we see God as something other than our Father?

• From Worried about Everything Because I Pray about Nothing (2022)

  Are you a basketball fan? Unless you root for the Lakers, don’t bother praying. In prayer, you’ll start to see others the way God does. The quirks and petty offenses will matter less, and their innate value as children of God will take center place. You’ll start to see their gifts, their contributions, their potential. As you take on God’s perspective toward people, you’ll find yourself developing empathy. Prayer humanizes people. This world could certainly use more of that. Besides those seven things, you can probably think of other areas where a heavenly perspective would be helpful: health, school, work, family, sex, world affairs, racism, leadership, church, and a million things more. Besides these general areas, maybe there are specific situations in your life where you could ask God to see things with His eyes. Take a few moments to think through the things that are worrying you, draining your energy, or causing pain. Then pray about them. Give them to God. Ask Him what He thinks about them. Allow the mind of Christ to become your mind. Let His heart touch your heart. You won’t change your world until you change your mind. SIX The problem with birthdaysPrayer and presence Do you have friends who have more money than you? Like, considerably more? No judgment here, either for them or for you. We all know money doesn’t make us happy. (Although it would be nice to prove that firsthand, right?) A couple of my friends are significantly wealthier than I am. And I sort of dread their birthdays. After all, what do you get the person who has two of three of everything, in different colors? Every year, after giving the question deep thought, I give up. I settle for a text message. “Bro, happy birthday! Love you! Let’s celebrate ASAP!” And then I pray to the God of heaven that they don’t buy me anything for my birthday. My wealthy friends don’t need my gifts. They don’t want me to blow up my budget by trying to impress them either. They want my friendship, not gifts. That’s what matters most to them, and it’s what matters most to me. It’s hard enough to buy gifts for the friends who have everything. But what do you give the God who has everything? The answer, of course, is the same. You give Him your friendship. Your love. Your loyalty. Your presence. God isn’t trying to get something from you—He is trying to get you . You are the gift. You are the goal. You are the object of His love. Jesus proved that when He came to earth to walk among us, to show us God with skin on, and to draw us close to Him.

• From Bold Move

  A life where I give my body the space it needs to ensure I stay strong and remain so for as long as possible. It’s one thing to hoard health for its own sake, but quite another to create and maintain health to give more to those around you. When you’re a parent, your life is not your own. You live for the well-being of your children. And I know that I need to be strong to give the most of myself to Diego to keep him safe, make him feel loved, and give him the best chance at thriving in this life. Pausing on that morning also allowed me to realize that perhaps I don’t have to choose health versus family in the mornings. Perhaps there is a way to integrate them. But most importantly, it brought me back to what it had felt like when well-being had been my top priority. And so, if I had to anchor all of this on one value, it would be well-being. By infusing this value with a deeper why , it was almost as though I was placing a value within a value. Yes: I want to be healthy, but my well-being isn’t just about me. It’s about being the most me so that I can give more to my family, the same way some people want to earn greater wealth so they can give more of it away to charity. Using Pain to Light the WayAs human beings, we are wired to minimize pain and do whatever we can to not feel discomfort, which is why avoidance is so prevalent and often wins out when we are trying to change our behaviors. Despite its negative side, pain is also an important indicator in life, both physically and emotionally. Think about it this way: What would happen if you couldn’t feel pain? (Actually, there is a woman named Jo Cameron in the UK, whose story is essentially the real-life version of my little what if . . . her story is quite interesting and worth a bit of Googling.) Imagine that you are a chef and you have lost your pain receptors in your hands: What would happen if you grabbed the handle on a scalding-hot cast-iron skillet? Nothing! Well, sorta. While you might not feel anything, you would still be susceptible to terrible burns. So, feeling pain, no matter how unpleasant, actually would play a significant role in such a scenario: the pain exists to protect us.

• From The Fermata (1994)

  She stopped abruptly. “What happened here?” “See how easy it is?” I said. She turned her head on the pillow to look at me. “What did you do?” “I brought you to your apartment and got in bed with you.” Her arm moved under the covers. “I don’t have any clothes on.” “That’s true,” I said. “But I assure you, I kept my eyes closed while I was taking them off. I haven’t done anything seedily voyeuristic. They’re over there. I just wanted to be totally naked in bed with you.” We were both lying on our backs. Our arms touched a little. The room was dim. Joyce put her hands on her forehead and thought. “How did you get me here? Did you drive?” I explained how difficult it was to drive during an estoppel, what with all the immobile cars. I described the luggage cart and the borrowed bedding. Then I said, “There’s one serious problem, though, having to do with time, which is that as we lie here talking, our entrees may be being served, and the waiter may wonder where we’ve gone. I left my jacket there to show that we haven’t skipped out, but I think we should find a way into the Fermata together as quickly as possible, before anyone notices that we’ve disappeared at the restaurant, and then once we’ve done that we’ll have loads of time to talk, and we can stroll back in a leisurely way and finish dessert.” “You mean—?” “Yes, I think we have to make love right now, and we have to put off any foreplay until after we’ve Snapped out—assuming, that is, that we do successfully enter the Fermata together. But let’s try.” “Couldn’t we at least kiss?” “Are you kidding?” I said. “We have to kiss. It’s a necessity. We have to have a total mental and physical union for this to work. Try to feel as much love for me as you can.” So we put our arms around each other and started kissing. I think we were both somewhat surprised by how good it felt. Her mouth was the best thing my mouth had felt in quite a while. I guess I had simply forgotten that there is no satisfactory autoerotic substitute for a kiss. Our lips cooperated; they understood each other. In fourth grade I had a rubber stamp that said ARNOLD STRINE . I didn’t like stamping it hard.

• From Bold Move

  I love them and that is why this all hurts too much.” Similarly, when I asked myself this question, I would have to not care at all about my well-being in order to not feel anything when I fail to act in line with that value. When I allow myself to really look at this question, I immediately get tears in my eyes because I know that if I don’t invest today in my physical health, I might be robbing myself of precious time I could have later with Diego. So the idea of finding the value through pain is based on this notion that we only feel emotional pain when it is related to something we really care about.14 As such, this reflection will help you get in touch with your pain by taking a look behind its curtain to see what you really care about. Once we have this knowledge, we can then create a plan that realigns your life. Identifying Compromised Values Through Pain: Stephanie’s ValuesStephanie did this exercise focused on the latest fight with her family. To be fully in touch with her own pain, she requested to do it in Mandarin, which was an excellent suggestion given that research suggests that using a less proficient language can actually create emotional distance from the topic.15 If you doubt this, try to write about a serious or emotional time in your life in a language you barely know! My guess is the results won’t be terribly gripping to you or the reader. Stephanie wrote about her latest explosive and damaging conflict regarding her American versus Chinese identities. There was always so much wrapped up in these fights with her family, with both sides feeling they weren’t being heard or respected. The clash between generations and cultures was something that was causing Stephanie a lot of pain, and that is why she chose to write about it. I wish I could share more of her writing with you, but as I’ve established, translating Mandarin isn’t in my professional tool kit. But here is what Stephanie and I uncovered through her reflections: Stephanie realized that every time her parents suggested she needed to conform to Chinese culture, she would get angry, upset, and frustrated and often didn’t want to engage with them. But why were those emotions there? What was behind her pain? She shared with me her realization that if she didn’t care about her parents and love them so much, their opinions would not matter to her, which means she would just disregard their wishes and move on with her life.

• From Worried about Everything Because I Pray about Nothing (2022)

  © 2022 by Chad Veach Published by Bethany House Publishers 11400 Hampshire Avenue South Minneapolis, Minnesota 55438 www.bethanyhouse.com Bethany House Publishers is a division of Baker Publishing Group, Grand Rapids, Michigan www.bakerpublishinggroup.com Ebook edition created 2022 All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—for example, electronic, photocopy, recording—without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC. ISBN 978-1-4934-3761-0 Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are from THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide. Scripture quotations labeled NASB are from the (NASB®) New American Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1960, 1971, 1977, 1995, 2020 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. All rights reserved. www.lockman.org Scripture quotations labeled NET are from the NET Bible® copyright ©1996, 2019 by Biblical Studies Press, L.L.C. http://netbible.com. Scripture quoted by permission. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations labeled NLT are from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved. Cover design by Roman Bozhko The author is represented by Capital Literary. Baker Publishing Group publications use paper produced from sustainable forestry practices and post- consumer waste whenever possible. Julia, without your love, belief, and prayers, I really don’t know where we’d be. You are a rock. A constant source of encouragement and support to me, our family, and our church. There’s no one like you. I love you. Georgia, Winston, Maverick, and Clive, I love listening to you pray. And I love praying over each of you. May God’s will be done in your life. Zoe, I’ve always dreamed of building a church that knows how to pray. A house of prayer. Thank you for praying with great fervor and faith. Your prayers have helped people around the world. Heaven will tell your story. Contents Cover Endorsements 1 Title Page 3 Copyright Page 4 Dedication 5 1. The one thing I forgot 9 Section 1: Prayer changes everything . . . but mainly you 23 2. Relaxing on a roller coaster 25 Prayer and peace 3. Pour your own cereal 32 Prayer and purpose 4. God is not your dentist 41 Prayer and premise 5. I’d rather be at the beach 50 Prayer and perspective 6. The problem with birthdays 61 Prayer and presence 7. Have you tried resetting it? 71 Prayer and process 8. Growing pains 81

• From A Theology for the Social Gospel (1918)

  264 A THEOLOGY FOR THE SOCIAL GOSPEL tempt to answerthis question onthe part of any human mind, inspired or uninspired, is an attempt to express morethanit can conceive. " God is in heaven, and thou art on earth; thereforelet thy words be few." All theories onthe atonement prove how unlovely the image ofmaniswhen he enlarges it and projects it to the skies. For a Christianman the only sure guide in speaking of Godis the mindofChrist. That isour logic and meta- physic. If wethink of God in a human way, it seems asif the deathof Jesus must have been a great experience for God. Pantheistic philosophy represents God as coming tocon- sciousness in the spiritual life of menand rising as our race rises. If we believethat heis immanent in the life of humanity and in a fellowship of love with us as our Father, it does not seem too daring tothink that our littlesorrowsand sins might be great sorrows to him, andthat our spiritual triumphs might be great joys. What,then, would itmean to God to be in the personality of Jesus and to go through his suffering anddeathwith him? If the principle of forgiving lovehadnotbeen in theheartofGod before, this experience would fix itthere. Ifhehadever thought andfelt likethe Jewish Jehovah, he would henceforth think andfeel as theFather of Jesus Christ If Christ wasthe divine Logos Godhimself expressing himself then the experience of the cross reacted directly on themind of God. We may conceive the effect of Christ's lifeand death onGod in another way. As long as humanity liveswithin the Kingdom of Evil, it is out of spiritual unity and fellowship with God, and

• From Tipping the Velvet (1998)

  Since then I had refused to love at all, had become - or so I thought - a creature beyond passion, driving others to their secret, humiliating confessions of lust; but never offering my own. Now, this lady had torn it from me - had laid me bare, as surely as if she had ripped the shrieking flesh from my white bones. She pressed against me still; and even as her breath came warm against my cheek, I felt my lusts rise up to meet her own, and knew myself in thrall. After all, there are moments in our lives that change us, that discontent us with our pasts and offer us new futures. That night at the Canterbury Palace, when Kitty had cast her rose at me, and sent my admiration for her tumbling over into love - that had been one such moment. This was another; perhaps, indeed, it had already passed - perhaps it was the second when I was guided into the dark heart of that waiting carriage that was the real start of my new life. Either way, I knew I could not go back to the old one, now. The djinn was out of the bottle at last; and I had settled on pleasure.I never thought to ask what happened to the beggar in the tale, once the five hundred days came to an end. Chapter 11 [image "016" file=wate_9781101078198_oeb_016_r1.jpg] The lady’s name, I learned in time, was Diana: Diana Lethaby. She was a widow, and childless, and rich, and venturesome, and thus - though on a considerably grander scale - as accomplished in the habits of self-pleasure as myself, and quite as hard of heart. In that summer of 1892 she would have been eight-and-thirty - younger, that is, than I am now, though she seemed terribly old to me then, at twenty-two. Her marriage had been, I think, a loveless one, for she wore neither wedding-ring nor mourning-ring, nor was there any picture of Mr Lethaby in any room in that large, handsome house. I never asked after him, and she never questioned me about my past. She had created me anew: the old dark days before were nothing to her.And they must become nothing to me, of course, now that we had settled our bargain. On that first, fierce morning of my time in her house, she had me kiss her again, then bathe, then re-don my old guardsman’s uniform; and as I dressed, she stood a little to one side and studied me. She said, ‘We shall have to buy you some new suits.

• From The Spiral Staircase: My Climb Out of Darkness (2004)

  But my new agents and publishers seemed content to let me to be an egghead, and nobody wanted to talk about God at a London dinner party. I could immerse myself in the silence, allow it to open up wide spaces in my head, and listen to the undercurrent of these new ideas. This, I am now convinced, is the only way to study religion. I think that I was lucky not to have studied theology or comparative religion at university, where I would have had to write clever papers and sit examinations, get high marks, and aim for a good degree. The rhythm of study would have been wrong—at least for me. In theology, I am entirely self-taught, and if this makes me an amateur, that need not necessarily be all bad. After all, an amateur is, literally, “one who loves,” and I was, day by solitary day, hour by silent hour, falling in love with my subject. I discovered that I could scarcely wait to get to my desk each morning, open my books, and pick up my pen. I anticipated this moment as eagerly as a tryst with a lover. I would lie in bed at night waiting for sleep, delightedly reviewing what I had learned that day. Occasionally, while sitting at my desk or poring over a dusty tome in the British Library, I would experience miniseconds of transcendence, awe, and wonder that gave me some sense of what had been going on in the mind of the theologian or mystic I was studying. At such a time I would feel stirred deeply within, and taken beyond myself, in much the same way as I was in a concert hall or a theater. I was finding in study the ecstasy that I had hoped to find in those long hours of prayer as a young nun. When I shared this with my students at the Leo Baeck College, Rabbi Lionel Blue, my boss in the comparative religion department, told me with amusement that this was very Jewish. It was what Jews experienced when they studied Torah or Talmud. I also learned that Saint Benedict had instructed his monks to spend part of the day in lectio divina (divine study), during which they would experience moments of oratio, or prayer. I was, moreover, discovering that many of the great theologians and mystics whose work I was studying would have found the idea of a purely academic degree in theology rather odd. In the Greek Orthodox tradition, you could not be a theologian unless you were also a contemplative and participated daily in the liturgy. In Islam, after the formative career of the eleventh-century theologian al-Ghazzali, philosophy and theology became inseparable from spirituality. In Judaism, the study of Torah and Talmud had never been as goal directed as some modern scholarship.

• From A Theology for the Social Gospel (1918)

  266 A THEOLOGY FOR THE SOCIALGOSPEL But what place does hisdeathhold in this process of reconciliation? No place apart from his life, hislife- purpose, and the development and expression of his per- sonality ; a very greatplace astheeffective completion of his life. Men were coming into fellowship withthe Father beforehis death happened, and before they knew that it wasto happen.Jesus labored to unite menwith God without referring to his death. If hehad lived for thirty years longer, he would have formed a great so- ciety of those who shared his conception and religious realization of God, andthis would have beenthat nucleus of a new humanity which would change the relationof Godto humanity. Indeed, we can conceive thatin thirty years of additionallife Jesus could have put the imprint ofhis mind much more clearly on the movement of Christianity, and protected it fromthe profound distor- tions towhich it was subjected. There would have been an ample element of prophetic suffering without physical death. Deathcame by the wickednessof men. Buttakenin connection with his life, as the inevitable climax ofhis prophetic career, his death had an essential place inhis workof establishingsolidarity and reconcilia- tion between Godandman.It was his supreme act of opposition to sin ; not even the fearor the pangs of death could make him yieldanything of whatGod had given him to hold. Itwas the supreme act, also, of obedience to God, to which he was moved by love to Godand loyalty tohis Kingdom* Moreover, as we shall see, his power to assimilate othersto his God-consciousness andto gather a new humanity, was influenced by his death, and the

• From A Theology for the Social Gospel (1918)

  PERSONAL SALVATION 97 ories run back twenty or thirty years, to Moody's time, the methods now used by some evangelists seem calcu- lated to produce skin-deep changes. Things have sim- mered down to signing a card, shaking hands, or being introduced to the evangelist. We used to pass through some deep-soil ploughing by comparison. It is time to overhaul our understanding of the kind of change we hope to produce by personal conversion and regenera- tion. The social gospel furnishes some tests and standards. When we undertook to define the nature of sin, we accepted the old definition, that sin is selfishness and rebellion against God, but we insisted on putting human- ity into the picture. The definition of sin as selfishness gets its reality and nipping force only when we see hu- manity as a great solidarity and God indwelling in it. In the same way the terms and definitions of salvation get more realistic significance and ethical reach when we see the internal crises of the individual in connection with the social forces that play upon him or go out from him. The form which the process of redemption takes in a given personality will be determined by the historical and social spiritual environment of the man. At any rate any religious experience in which our fellow-men have no part or thought, does not seem to be a distinct- ively Christian experience. If sin is selfishness, salvation must be a change which turns a man from self to God and humanity. His sin- fulness consisted in a selfish attitude, in which he was at the centre of the universe, and God and all his fellow- men were means to serve his pleasures, increase his 98 A THEOLOGY FOR THE SOCIAL GOSPEL wealth, and set off his egotisms. Complete salvation, therefore, would consist in an attitude of love in which he would freely co-ordinate his life with the life of his fellows in obedience to the loving impulses of the spirit of God, thus taking his part in a divine organism of mutual service. When a man is in a state of sin, he may be willing to harm the life and lower the self-respect of a woman for the sake of his desires ; he may be willing to take some of the mental and spiritual values out of the life of a thousand families, and lower the human level of a whole mill-town in order to increase his own divi- dends or maintain his autocratic sense of power. If this man came under the influence of the mind of Christ, he would see men and women as children of God with divine worth and beauty, and this realization would cool his lust or covetousness. Living now in the conscious- ness of the pervading spiritual life of God, he would realize that all his gifts and resources are a loan of God for higher ends, and would do his work with greater simplicity of mind and brotherliness.

• From Worried about Everything Because I Pray about Nothing (2022)

  Again, that’s great. However you use it, this simple prayer is a great way to begin learning to pray like Jesus did. “OUR FATHER IN HEAVEN” Jesus starts His prayer with a phrase that is simple and yet profound beyond anything we can fully grasp on earth: “Our Father in heaven.” This tells us a lot about God. He’s not a force. He’s a person. He’s not an impersonal being. He yearns for relationship with us. He’s not subject to the limitations of earth. He’s the God of heaven. He’s not against us. He is for us. He’s our Father. God created us, then He redeemed us. He adopted us as His kids. And there is nothing that can separate us from His love. The God of all creation, the ruler of the universe, is our dad. I’ve known that my whole life, but it took becoming a dad myself to really start to grasp the depth of this. I love my kids more than the world. Yes, I joke about the challenges of parenthood, but I wouldn’t trade those challenges for any comfort, any convenience, any luxury. I love my kids. Period. Even at five o’clock in the morning when no human being should be awake, and yet they are. Even at 11 p.m. when I want some alone time with my wife, but they keep popping out of bed like characters in a Whac-A-Mole game. Even when—especially when—they are sick or sad or scared, and they need someone to trust and hug. They are mine, and nothing will ever change that. That’s how God feels about us. We don’t come to God in prayer as our boss or our overlord or a judge waiting to decide whether to condemn or acquit us, but as His children . Sit with that for a few minutes and just think about it. Inhale: I am God’s child. Exhale: I am safe in His presence. Honestly, I think that if we grasped this simple truth, everything would change. How much worry, guilt, fear, and condemnation do we carry because we see God as something other than our Father? The second part of this verse says, “hallowed be your name.” To hallow something is to recognize it as holy. God’s holiness is an integral part of who He is, and it is foundational to our relationship with Him. This reminds us of another simple truth we often forget: It’s not about us. Our prayers tend to come out of our needs and desires. That’s natural, and there’s nothing wrong with it. But it means our prayers are likely to be a bit us-centered. One of the most important aspects of prayer is that it helps us reframe our lives.

• From Justine (Alexandria Quartet vol. 1) (1957)

  Driving along that pure and natal coastline they watched the first tendrils of sunlight uncoil from horizon to horizon across the dark self-sufficient Mediterranean sea whose edges were at one and the same moment touching lost hallowed Carthage and Salamis in Cyprus. Presently, where the road dips down among the dunes to the seashore Nessim once more slowed down and involuntarily suggested a swim. Changed as he was he felt a sudden desire that Melissa should see him naked, should approve the beauty which for so long had lain, like a suit of well-cut clothes in an attic cupboard, forgotten. Naked and laughing, they waded out hand in hand, into the icy water feeling the tame sunlight glowing on their backs as they did so. It was like the first morning since the creation of the world. Melissa, too, had shed with her clothes the last residual encumbrance of the flesh, and had become the dancer she truly was; for nakedness always gave her fulness and balance: the craft she lacked in the cabaret. They lay together for a long time in perfect silence, seeking through the darkness of their feelings for the way forward. He realized that he had won an instant compliance from her — that she was now his mistress in everything. They set off together for the city, feeling at the same time happy and ill-at-ease — for both felt a kind of hollowness at the heart of their happiness. Yet since they were reluctant to surrender each other to the life which awaited them they lagged, the car lagged, their silence lagged between endearments. At last Nessim remembered a tumbledown café in Mex where one could find a boiled egg and coffee. Early though it was the sleepy Greek proprietor was awake and set chairs for them under a barren fig-tree in a backyard full of hens and their meagre droppings. All around them towered corrugated iron wharves and factories. The sea was present only as a dank and resonant smell of hot iron and tar.

• From Real Sex for Real Women (2008)

  These experiences have taught me one important thing: we all need love and acceptance. We want our partners to cherish our bodies, crave our touch, and be fulfilled by our intimacy. We want to have passionate, no-holds-barred sex with our partner that leaves us feeling satiated, complete, and understood. These are all emotional and physical needs which can and should be met in a happy, healthy relationship. All it takes is a little bit of knowledge and the willingness to stay committed to each other’s needs and the improvement of the relationship as a whole. This guide will guide you through that process, from helping you understand the brain chemicals that make men and women inherently different, to giving you tips and tricks for turning humdrum sex into orgasmic, fulfilling sex every time. From new positions to breathing techniques to a little bit of role-playing advice, this guide is geared toward women who want to increase pleasure and confidence in every aspect of their lives. I know that you’re unbelievably busy. I know that some days you barely have time to eat a decent meal, let alone don complicated lingerie and cook a candlelit dinner for your partner. This guide isn’t going to ask you to do any of those things, unless you so desire. Instead, I’m going to help you figure out your own sexual needs and become acquainted with your own sexual potential. This guide will help you finally create the sex life you’ve always wanted. Along the way, you might have to confront some of your fears and face down some of your insecurities, but the stories and advice in this guide are from women just like you and will help you realize that you are not alone. You can even use this guide as a conversation starter with your partner. When you find something that piques your interest, whether it is a daring new position or an interesting bit of research, turn down the corner to show to your partner later. Let him be part of your journey to better sex—chances are, you won’t have to ask him twice. Now, let us begin our quest for great sex. [image file=image_rsrc39G.jpg] Section 1: Sex for LifeSex Matters [image file=image_rsrc39H.jpg] Chapter 1: Sex MattersUnderstanding Sexuality Female Sexuality Male Sexuality Male and Female Sexual Differences Sex and Intimacy Making Time for Sex Sex is a fundamental part of humanity, and your sexuality is an essential part of your womanhood. Throughout life, sex is the driving force that creates energy, life, and attraction all around us. Learn how to harness your sexual energy and use it to become a creative and happy person. To deny our ties to sexuality and our need for sexual fulfilment is to deny our existence—sex is how we were created, and how we create. Understanding and accepting your sexuality will lead you to pleasure, confidence, and a fulfilling, intimate relationship with your lover. Celebrate sex, and you celebrate life.

• From The Chronology of Water (2011)

  In addition to loaning me his car, he began driving me to and from my communist re-education drunk driver courses every night for eight weeks. Bringing me a bottle of wine or vodka on the floor of the car when he picked me up. You know, kind of like a best friend would do. A kind, sly one. He also drove me to and from my exhausting road crew days for eight weeks. Cooking me pasta when I couldn’t lift my arms. He went to my mandatory AA meetings with me and sat through the 12 steps and nodded and smiled in his black leather jacket all the way up until we’d get home and I’d rage rage rage at god and fathers and male authority and he’d dismantle my rage with funny jokes about jesus and monkeys. He treated this thing I’d done - this DUI - the dead baby- the failed marriages - the rehab - the little scars at my collar bone - myvodka - my scarred as shit past and body- as chapters of a book he wanted to hold in his hands and finish. But there’s even a story deeper than that. After he moved out of his wifehouse and into my little one bedroom seahouse a block from the sunset cliffs in Ocean Beach, after he finished his MFA and I filed divorce papers and he filed divorce papers, after I had to go into the English Department Chair’s office and lie like a rug because his wife went in and spilled the shit, after we both bit the bullet and said the “L” word out loud, something better than sexual and emotional zenith happened. I didn’t know that was possible. Night. Ocean sound. In my tiny seahouse. On the sofa. Both of us scotch handed. Mazzy Star playing all night all night all night. We’d been admiring his Karma Sutra book and he’d been explaining the Tibetan Book of the Dead to me. Sexuality and death. Home run. He put his hand on my heart. I could feel the heat of his skin diving down into the well of me. He stared so deeply into me my breath jackknifed. I began shaking. Just from that. Then he said, knowing everything I’d told him about myself, he said, out of the blue, “I want to have a child with you.” . ? .

• From A Theology for the Social Gospel (1918)

  5. The Kingdom of God is humanity organized accord- ing to the will of God. Interpreting it through the con- sciousness of Jesus we may affirm these convictions about the ethical relations within the Kingdom: (a) Since Christ revealed the divine worth of life and personality, and since his salvation seeks the restoration and fulfil- ment of even the least, it follows that the Kingdom of God, at every stage of human development, tends toward a social order which will best guarantee to all personali- ties their freest and highest development. This involves the redemption of social life from the cramping influence of religious bigotry, from the repression of self-assertion in the relation of upper and lower classes, and from all forms of slavery in which human beings are treated as mere means to serve the ends of others, (b) Since love is the supreme law of Christ, the Kingdom of God im- plies a progressive reign of love in human affairs. We can see its advance wherever the free will of love super- sedes the use of force and legal coercion as a regulative of THE KINGDOM OF GOD 143 the social order. This involves the redemption of so- ciety from political autocracies and economic oligarchies; the substitution of redemptive for vindictive penolog>’'; the abolition of constraint through hunger as part of the industrial system ; and the abolition of war as the supreme expression of hate and the completest cessation of free- dom. (c) The highest expression of love is the free surrender of what is truly our own, life, property, and rights. A much lower but perhaps more decisi^x ex- pression of love is the surrender of any opportunity to exploit men. No social group or organization can claim to be clearly within the Kingdom of God which drains others for its own ease, and resists the effort to abate this fundamental evil. This involves the redemption of society from private property in the natural resources of the earth, and from any condition in industry which makes monopoly profits possible, (d) The reign of love tends toward the progressive unity of mankind, but with the maintenance of individual liberty and the opportunity of nations to work out their own national peculiarities and ideals. 6. Since the Kingdom is the supreme end of God, it must be the purpose for which the Church exists. The measure in which it fulfils this purpose is also the meas- ure of its spiritual authority and honour. The institu- tions of the Church, its activities, its worship, and its theology must in the long run be tested by its effectiveness in creating the Kingdom of God. For the Church to see itself apart from the Kingdom, and to find its aims in itself, is the same sin of selfish detachment as when an individual selfishly separates himself from the com- 144 A THEOLOGY FOR THE SOCIAL GOSPEL

• From A Theology for the Social Gospel (1918)

  THE SOCIAL GOSPEL ANDTHE ATONEMENT 269 palliated, or shifted; the one who suffered was loving and lovable beyond all others; yet great socialforces combined with the utmost energy tokill him. As soon as the passion of the momentsubsidedand the "interests" were safe again, men were impressed with the innocenceof Jesus. The more they realizedthe holinessofhis life, the strength of his love, the divine valueof his person, themore would they feelthesin- fulness of the sin committed there. Besides, the blame was not confinedto thosewho did the act; all the interpre- tations ofthe Church emphasized the universality of the guilt Every Christianhas hadhis eye fixed on thecross as a place of engrossing interest.Whatever the theories of the atonement might be, was the deathof Jesus not bound to produce a deeper moral earnestness of life, a wider sense of sin, andmoreself-restraintand thought- fulness ? Suffering is Nature's publicity methodtosecureatten- tionto something that is wrong. All history demon- strates that men are stupid andcallous to suffering, even totheirown suffering, and that only the most effective meanswill arouse them to put a preventive stop to what is destroying them. Inall reverence Iwould say that the cross of Christwasthe most tremendous publicity success in the history of mankind. Noevent in history has received suchearnest and constant attention. None has spread so much seriousness, and made menrealize the sin of humanity from so many angles. None hassoim- pressed them withtheirown complicity in it and the solid- arity of humanity insin. Inso faras a genuine consciousness of sinis thefirst 27O A THEOLOGY FORTHESOCIAL GOSPEL step toward redemption from sin, thecross was an essen- tial part of the redemptive process. The life of Christ never spread such a realization of sin as his death has done. Second: the deathof Christ was the supreme revela- tion oflove. Love is the social instinct of the race. Inall its many formsit binds man to man. Every real improvement of society gives love a freer chance. Every genuine progress must be preceded by a new capitalization of love. 1 Jesusput loveto the front in his teaching. Hewas ready to accept lovefor God and man as a valid equiva- lent for the customary religious and ethical duties. His own character and action are redolent ofvirile and ener- getic love. If Jesus had died a natural death, posterity would still treasure his teaching, coupled with the commentary of his life, as the mostbeautiful exposition of love. But its effectiveness was greatly increased by hisdeath. Death has a strange power over thehuman imagination and memory. A pathetic or heroicdeath wins a place for a weak and cowardly man. Ifa significant death is added to a braveand self-sacrificing life, the effect is great. A righteous man might well pray for this asthe last great blessing ofhis life, that his death might in- terpret the higher meaning of his life and weldall his social importance of the Christiandoctrine of love is treated somewhat fully in my little book, "Dare WeBe Christians? " (Pilgrim Press.)

• From A Theology for the Social Gospel (1918)

  238 A THEOLOGY FOR THE SOCIAL GOSPEL child into life without accepting the duties of father- hood, breaking the spirit of a girl and her family, and leaving his child tobe submerged in poverty and vice. Would it not be just and Christian to require that he serve the soul of his child until itis what it might have been? Such labour and expiation might well keep us busy for some part of eternity, and in doing it, relation- ships oflove and service would be formed which would make us fit to live closer tothe Source of Love. Of course some of the ideas Ihave ventured to put down are simply the play of personal fancy about a fascinating subject. There are only a few things which wecan claim with any assurance, and theseare notbased ona singleprediction, or on some passage, the origin or meaning of which may be disputed, but onthe substance of the gospel of Christ. Theseare: thatthe loveof God will go out forever to his children, and especially to the neediest, drawing them to him and, where necessary, saving them; that personality energized by Godis ever growing; that the law of love and solidarity will be even more effective in heaven than on earth; and that sal- vation, growth, and solidarity are conditioned oninter- change of service. The worth of personality, freedom, growth, love, solidarity, service, these are marks of the Kingdom of God. In Christ's thought the Kingdom ofGod was to come from heaven to earth, so that God's will would be done on earth as itis in heaven. So then it exists in heaven; it is to be created onearth. All true joys on earthcome from partial realizations ofthe Kingdom of ESCHATOLOGY 239 God; the joy that awaits us will consist in living within the fullrealization of the Kingdom. Our labour for the Kingdom here will be our preparation for our par- ticipation hereafter. The degree in which we have absorbed thelaws of the Kingdom into our character will determineour qualification for the lifeof heaven. If in any respect we have notbeensavedfrom the King- dom of Evil, we shall bealiens and beginners in the Kingdom of God. Thus heaven andearth areto be parts of the samerealm. Spiritual influencescome to us; spiritualpersonalities go out from us. Whenour lifeis in God ithas continuity.

• From A Theology for the Social Gospel (1918)

  The social gospel is based on the belief that love is the only true working principle of human society. It teaches that the Kingdom of Evil has thrust love aside and employed force, because love will support only a fra- ternal distribution of property and power, while force will support exploitation and oppression. If love is the fundamental quality in God, it must be part of the con- 274 A THEOLOGY FOR THE SOCIAL GOSPEL stitution of humanity. Then it can not be impossible to found society on love. The atonement is the symbol and basis of a new social order. Third: the death of Christ has reinforced prophetic religion.^ Historical criticism has performed an inestimable serv- ice to true religion by clearing up the historical antagon- ism between priest and prophet in the Old Testament, and labeling the literary documents of Jewish religion according to the religious interest which produced or re- edited them. This antagonism is a permanent element in the Christian religion, and part of the conflict between the Kingdom of God and the Kingdom of Evil. A com- prehension of the difference between prophet and priest is essential to a clear understanding of Jesus and to in- telligent discipleship. The priest is the religious professional. He performs religious functions which others are not allowed to per- form. It is therefore to his interest to deny the right of free access to God, and to interpose himself and his ceremonial between the common man and God. He has an interest in representing God as remote, liable to anger, jealous of his rights, and quick to punish, be- cause this gives importance to the ritual methods of pla- cating God which the priest alone can handle. It is essential to the priestly interest to establish a monopoly of rights and functions for his group. He is all for au- thority, and in some form or other he is always a 1 The importance of prophecy within the Christian religion has been* discussed in part in Chapter XVI. THE SOCIAE GOSPEL AND THE ATONEMENT 275 i,p.j!.esman of that authority and shares its influence. Uuctrine and history as he teaches it, establish a jure divino institution of his order, which is transmitted either by physical descent, as in the Aaronic priesthood, or by spiritual descent through some form of exclusive ordina- tion, as in the Catholic priesthood. As history invari- ably contradicts his claims, he frequently tampers with history by Deuteronomic codes or Pseudo-Isidorian De- cretals, in order to secure precedents and the weight of antiquity. He is opposed to free historical investiga- tioh because this tears open the protective web of ideal- ized history and doctrine which he has woven about him. He is the middle ‘man of religion, and like other middle- men he is sincerely convinced that he is necessary for the good of humanity and that religion would perish with- out him. But underneath all is the selfish interest of his class, which exploits religion.

• From A Theology for the Social Gospel (1918)

  It is true that the self-sacrifice generated by Christian- ity has been misdirected and used up for nothing in as- cetic Christianity. But no one can well deny that the sum total of self-sacrifice evoked by Christianity has been and is enormous, and that its influence on the de- velopment of Christian civilization has been very great. Some of the legal conceptions of the atonement have ob- scured the love of God in the death of Christ. But the fact that the Christian consciousness has reacted against any despotic elements in the character of God, is proof of the fact that the essentially Christian idea had done its work in us and overcome the sinful alloy with which it was mixed. Since we live in the fellowship of a God of love, we are living in a realm of grace as friends and sons of God. We do not have to earn all we get by producing merit. We live on grace and what we do is slight compared with what is done for us. This conviction, too, is based on the death of Christ. Belief in the atonement has enabled religious souls first to break away from self-made righteousness and to real- ize salvation as a gift. With their eye on the cross of Christ they denied the merit system, first of Judaism, later of the Catholic Church. The great religious char- acters are those who escaped from themselves and learned to depend on God, — Paul, Augustine, Saint Francis, Tauler on whom Luther fed, Luther himself. Self-earned righteousness and pride in self are the THE SOCIAL GOSPEL AND THE ATONEMENT 273 marks of religious individualism. Humility is the ca- pacity to realize that we count for little in ourselves and must take our place in a larger fellowship of life. Therefore humility and dependence on grace are social virtues. The cross is the monumental fact telling of grace and inviting repentance and humility. Thus the death of Christ was the conclusive and effec- tive expression of the love of Jesus Christ for God and man, and his complete devotion to the Kingdom of God. The more his personality was understood to be the full and complete expression of the character of God, the more did his death become the assurance and guarantee that God loves us, forgives us, and is willing to do all things to save us. It is the business of theologians and preachers to make the atonement effective in producing the characteristic of love in Christian men and women. If it does not assimilate them to the mind of Christ it has missed its purpose. We can either be saved by non-ethical sacra- mental methods, or by absorbing the moral character of Jesus into our own character. Let every man judge which is the salvation he wants.