Joy

Passages

Every passage tagged with this emotion in the Vela corpus. Search the body text, narrow by source or register, click through to a book’s profile to see how the passage sits with the rest of the work.

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• From History of the Christian Church: The Complete Set of Eight Volumes (1858)

  When he professed the Nicene faith, the Arians deposed him in council, sent him into exile, and transferred his bishopric to Euzoius, who had formerly been banished with Arius.684 The Catholics disowned Euzoius, but split among themselves; the majority adhered to the exiled Meletius, while the old and more strictly orthodox party, who had hitherto been known as the Eustathians, and with whom Athanasius communicated, would not recognize a bishop of Arian consecration, though Catholic in belief, and elected Paulinus, a presbyter of high character, who was ordained counter-bishop by Lucifer of Calaris.685 The doctrinal difference between the Meletians and the old Nicenes consisted chiefly in this: that the latter acknowledged three hypostases in the divine trinity, the former only three prosopa; the one laying the stress on the triplicity of the divine essence, the other on its unity. The orthodox orientals declared for Meletius, the occidentals and Egyptians for Paulinus, as legitimate bishop of Antioch. Meletius, on returning from exile under the protection of Gratian, proposed to Paulinus that they should unite their flocks, and that the survivor of them should superintend the church alone; but Paulinus declined, since the canons forbade him to take as a colleague one who had been ordained by Arians.686 Then the military authorities put Meletius in possession of the cathedral, which had been in the hands of Euzoius. Meletius presided, as senior bishop, in the second ecumenical council (381), but died a few days after the opening of it—a saint outside the communion of Rome. His funeral was imposing: lights were borne before the embalmed corpse, and psalms sung in divers languages, and these honors were repeated in all the cities through which it passed on its transportation to Antioch, beside the grave of St. Babylas.687 The Antiochians engraved his likeness on their rings, their cups, and the walls of their bedrooms. So St. Chrysostom informs us in his eloquent eulogy on Meletius.688 Flavian was elected his successor, although Paulinus was still alive. This gave rise to fresh troubles, and excited the indignation of the bishop of Rome. Chrysostom labored for the reconciliation of Rome and Alexandria to Flavian. But the party of Paulinus, after his death in 389, elected Evarius as successor († 392), and the schism continued down to the year 413 or 415, when the bishop Alexander succeeded in reconciling the old orthodox remnant with the successor of Meletius. The two parties celebrated their union by a splendid festival, and proceeded together in one majestic stream to the church.689 Thus a long and tedious schism was brought to a close, and the church of Antioch was permitted at last to enjoy that peace which the Athanasian synod of Alexandria in 362 had desired for it in vain.690

• From Worried about Everything Because I Pray about Nothing (2022)

  You might intercede alone or with other people, maybe for a few minutes or maybe much longer than that. Through intercessory prayer, you can help people and influence situations by going to God and asking for His grace and intervention on behalf of others.More than likely, you have used at least one or two of these approaches to prayer. I encourage you to try a few others, even the ones you think are outside your comfort zone. Or maybe especially those. Many of us are good at finding what works for us and turning that into a ritual or routine. The problem is that this habitual approach, this tendency toward spiritual routine, eventually undermines real relationship. It takes deliberate effort to stay out of ruts and to maintain a freshness of communion with God. Think about the relationship you have with your closest friend—it is probably spontaneous and varied, right? You might see each other regularly and have certain traditions or routines, but you also have the freedom and closeness to relate in many other ways. You don’t go into every conversation with a plan or a list of requests. You just hang out. You have fun together. You laugh, you cry, you rant, you vent, you listen, you learn, you grow. The same principle—that relationships need to be fresh, creative, exciting—is seen in healthy marriages. If you are married, you have probably discovered how valuable it is to explore new ways to connect and grow close. That can be a challenge, especially if there are small children running around everywhere. I speak from experience. But keeping things vibrant and exciting is absolutely vital to the health of your marriage. If spontaneity and creativity bring life to friendship, marriage, and other human relationships, how much more will they enrich our walk with God? Don’t let yourself fall into empty rituals or spiritual boredom. Don’t order the same thing off the menu every time, whether we’re talking about cheesecake or prayer. Experiment. Pick something new. Try something you’ve never done. It might become your new favorite thing. EIGHTEEN The lost art of listeningWe’ve covered a lot of territory in this book. I hope you are more excited about prayer than ever, and more confident that prayer is a skill you can excel at. In this final chapter, we are going to look at one of the topics of prayer that causes the most confusion and frustration: Learning to hear the voice of God. Talking to God is easy, but listening to Him? Hearing His voice? Understanding His leading? That’s a lot harder. Speaking of talking, I do a lot of it.

• From Wild (2012)

  Down, down, down I went on that last full day of hiking, descending four thousand feet in just over sixteen miles, the creeks and streams and trailside seeps I crossed and paralleled going down and down too. I could feel the river pulling me like a great magnet below and to the north. I could feel myself coming to the end of things. I stopped to spend the night on the banks of Eagle Creek. It was five o’clock and I was only six miles away from Cascade Locks. I could have been in town by dark, but I didn’t want to finish my trip that way. I wanted to take my time, to see the river and the Bridge of the Gods in the bright light of day. That evening I sat next to Eagle Creek watching the water rush over the rocks. My feet were killing me from the long descent. Even after all this way, with my body now stronger than it had ever been and would likely ever be, hiking on the PCT still hurt. New blisters had formed on my toes in places that had gone soft from the relatively few extreme descents throughout Oregon. I put my fingers delicately to them, soothing them with my touch. Another toenail looked like it was finally going to come off. I gave it a gentle tug and it was in my hand, my sixth. I had only four intact toenails left. The PCT and I weren’t tied anymore. The score was 4–6, advantage trail. I slept on my tarp, not wanting to shelter myself on that last night, and woke before dawn to watch the sun rise over Mount Hood. It was really over, I thought. There was no way to go back, to make it stay. There was never that. I sat for a long while, letting the light fill the sky, letting it expand and reach down into the trees. I closed my eyes and listened hard to Eagle Creek. It was running to the Columbia River, like me. I seemed to float the four miles to the little parking area near the head of the Eagle Creek Trail, buoyed by a pure, unadulterated emotion that can only be described as joy. I strolled through the mostly empty parking lot and passed the restrooms, then followed another trail that would take me the two miles into Cascade Locks. The trail turned sharply to the right, and before me was the Columbia River, visible through the chain-link fence that bordered the trail to set it off from Interstate 84 just below. I stopped and grasped the fence and stared. It seemed like a miracle that I finally had the river in my sights, as if a newborn baby had just slipped finally into my palms after a long labor. That glimmering dark water was more beautiful than anything I’d imagined during all those miles I’d hiked to reach it.

• From Bold Move

  While I think this book provides many of the skills necessary to live that bold life, I also know that at times we need to see a mental health professional, and I often think of them as coaches. So just as a world-class athlete might need a coach from time to time to help refine a skill, you may find yourself looking for a nudge in the right direction as well. Never forget that to be bold when it comes to Approaching is to welcome a life that is always “comfortably uncomfortable.” In my life, I’ve found that it is within this tension that the real pleasures of life are to be found. Finally, we can’t forget about our values. When I first started writing this book, I honestly had no idea the extent to which I had been avoiding living a values-driven life. I had totally ignored my own internal compass and was following the path that I felt the world at large had dictated for me. No one in particular was to blame for my blind approach, and no one was forcing me to live a certain way. But when you are consumed by your profession, your culture, and your bubble, it can often feel like there is only one path to success (however you’re defining it), and for me, success meant pushing myself harder and harder to follow some vague sense of ambition. For many years, this definition of success worked out for me, but at a certain point it stopped working and I responded by avoiding this new reality. I often share with my clients that facing reality does not mean you have to like reality. But no matter how painful it is to face, ignoring reality is just another form of avoidance. In a strange way, I am thankful for some challenges I faced at work in the past two years, because it was these conflicts that became the wake-up call for me to deeply revisit my own values. If you look behind the pain and interrogate it by asking yourself, What would I have to not care about for this not to hurt? you might be able to see the value that is being violated. As I shared with you, trust is something I need if I am to work with someone, and this ended up being the value that was being compromised in my professional life. That was the kiss of death. As I searched for a more values-driven life, I started paying closer attention to my moments of joy. What was I doing when I felt the best? Who was I with? What brought me to that flow state?

• From The Spiral Staircase: My Climb Out of Darkness (2004)

  By the time I left, my Israeli colleagues had decided that I was worth talking to after all, and were astonished when I had to refuse their invitations to dinner or drinks because I was already engaged in East Jerusalem. Some of them, I gathered, had never been into the Arab neighborhoods. But there was a new cordiality and respect. We had acquired one of the richest types of friendship, which comes from a submerging of self in a common project. I went home for a month to produce a final draft of the scripts, and when I returned I was greeted with enormous enthusiasm. Danny picked me up at the airport, this time talking volubly throughout the journey and telling me all the office gossip. “Wake up, everyone!” he yelled as we tore down the hill into Jerusalem. “Karen’s back in town!” It was just as well that I had never filmed a television series before, because I did not realize how unorthodox the shooting schedule was. We had no money. Channel 4 had given the film company a hundred thousand dollars, which sounded a lot to me, but which I now know was a laughably inadequate sum for a six-part series. The Israelis had agreed to this absurd contract because they saw it as their passport to British television. We could not afford to shoot new footage, and we had to cobble film together from the company’s archives. There was no TelePrompTer, only the most rudimentary lighting, and when we went to film in Italy and Greece, the crew provided their services gratis and treated it as a vacation. The inadequate budget affected my contribution in two ways. First, there was simply not enough money to do more than a couple of takes for any one of my presentations. Usually Joel and Yossi, the cameraman (also known as “One-Take Jo”), had to be satisfied with the first attempt. That meant that I had to be word perfect, and make as few fluffs as possible. Secondly, because we had so little footage, my own pieces to camera had to be much longer than is customary in a documentary, so that we could use up more time. And the schedule was tight. We rushed helterskelter from one location to another to shoot as much as possible before the light failed.

• From Worried about Everything Because I Pray about Nothing (2022)

  over six hundred. It was the power behind the church in Bogotá and other churches around the world. I heard God say simply, “Chad, this year, add prayer to the church.” Our church has great people, great leaders, great ministries. We were doing many good things for people in our community. Now, though, it was time to grow in prayer. Both as a church and as individuals, God was asking us to meet Him and to know Him better through prayer. The next week, I taught our staff meeting on the topic of prayer. A couple months later, I started a sermon series about prayer. We also created a prayer card to hand out to our church (it’s included in the back of this book). We ramped up our regular, focused prayer times like never before. Now I’m writing a book about prayer. Unexpectedly, yes—but enthusiastically. My focus in these pages will be how prayer can help you navigate the stress, uncertainty, and blind curves in all areas of life. We will look at how prayer involves God in every facet of our day-to-day existence, including our emotions, finances, faith, ministry, and more. I’m a pastor, but first, I’m a husband and father and neighbor and friend and boss and Lakers fan and overall normal human being. I’ve found that prayer has a place in all the spheres of my life. Especially the Lakers sphere. (Come on, if you don’t pray for your team, are you even a real fan?) The same goes for you. Regardless of your age, gender, financial picture, marital status, career aspirations, favorite sports team, or any other variable, you need prayer. You will come to love prayer (if you don’t already!). Prayer connects you to God, and being connected to Him changes everything. As you read, keep in mind that terms like anxiety and fear are used across a wide spectrum of behavior, emotion, and mental health. The last thing I want to do is imply that I have easy answers for problems that are beyond my knowledge or training.

• From Worried about Everything Because I Pray about Nothing (2022)

  TWELVE The cycle of prayer When I was a child, we couldn’t afford a VCR. If you didn’t grow up in the eighties, you can’t know the full emotional impact of that statement. Today you can stream episodes of your favorite series on your watch while you’re in the bathroom. Back then, though, options were far more limited, and a VCR was the gateway to childhood happiness. You could record things for later, watch the same movies over and over, or rent movies to watch with your friends—it was technological heaven. One day, at a farmers’ market, there was a raffle to win a VCR. I begged my mom to purchase a ticket because I knew that was my only shot at getting one. Honestly, there was very little chance of getting her to buy a raffle ticket either, but at least I could try. I don’t know if my mom secretly wanted a VCR or if she just couldn’t resist my pleas, but she bought a ticket. The drawing wasn’t for a few days, so every morning at breakfast, she would pull the ticket out and we would ask God for a VCR. My mom used the opportunity to teach me to pray and to have faith. She would quote Scriptures about prayer and encourage me to trust God. I’ll never forget the evening our home phone rang. I waited anxiously while my mom answered it. She started freaking out on the phone, and in that moment, I knew we had won the raffle. Praying a few days for a VCR might seem like a short time to wait and a small thing to pray for. But for a kid, it was everything. That experience marked me, and it led me to believe God for crazy requests in prayer. It also taught me the value of persevering in prayer. Not just praying once, but persisting. Not giving up, but pressing in and pressing through.

• From Bold Move

  Believe it or not, it’s actually quite hard to formulate a rational plan when you’re seconds away from tearing someone’s head off. It also depends on how triggered the client is feeling. For Oliver, waiting even three minutes to address a subordinate’s error could feel like a lifetime, but when it came to anger he felt toward his own family, waiting three times as long felt easier. Finally, DBT also suggests that you can choose the most extreme opposite action, which in this case would be to go out of your way to be kind or to try to understand the person you’re angry with. Oliver looked at me like I had three heads when I suggested this. “You want me to be kind when I am angry?” “Yes!” “How would that even work? It’s impossible!” “Well, let’s take your wife. I know you love her very much even when you’re angry at her, so what is one kind thing you could say or do toward her in those moments?” Oliver looked at me skeptically. “Oliver, don’t strain yourself here. I’m just asking you to say something kind about your wife.” “Well, she’s an excellent cook, for one.” “Okay, then perhaps if you’re feeling upset about eating later than usual, maybe instead of raising your voice and getting sarcastic, you could say something nice to her about her cooking.” “But isn’t that fake?” “Not if you mean it. What do you like about her food?” He went on to describe in great detail all the amazing meals she prepares, and as he did, he relaxed. I pointed this out to him and explained that when we engage in new behaviors, they activate other emotions. When we smile at someone, or praise someone, our physiology actually changes.12 When we engage with kindness, we feel happier.13 When we engage in violent acts, we feel angry.14 When you consider that anger is really just a pattern of thoughts that hook us into acting on them, it’s easy to see how if we just bring mindfulness to our anger and take control away from our emotions, the actual feeling of anger is rather short-lived. The only way to stay angry is by thinking about how angry you are and then responding to it with angry and unhinged behavior. It’s fine to live that way if that is your choice, but I doubt that anyone reading this wants to go around being yanked in whatever direction their thoughts and feelings dictate. It’s one thing for a dog to go wild barking at a squirrel or a passing dog, but quite another for any of us to spend years of our lives making our loved ones miserable.

• From Worried about Everything Because I Pray about Nothing (2022)

  NINE Get in the car Prayer and power When we first moved to LA to start Zoe Church, we were a one-car family. And by that, I mean Julia and the kids had one car, and I had my Uber app. That was fine at first, but after a few months, I really started turning to God. My prayers usually came from the back seat of those Ubers, partly because some of them drove like they were in a hurry not to get to my destination but to meet Jesus face-to-face right then, and partly because I simply prefer to drive myself. It’s more efficient, more comfortable, and more economical. We couldn’t afford another vehicle, so I would tell God, “I need you to buy me a car.” Those were my exact words. I wasn’t demanding. I was informing. Obviously, I wasn’t telling God something He didn’t already know, but the Bible tells us to ask, seek, and knock. It reminds us that God knows our desires and responds to our petitions. The more I rode in Ubers, the greater my desire grew, and the more frequent those petitions became. This went on for months, but I didn’t give up. I knew we were supposed to have another vehicle, and somehow God was going to make a way. One day, out of the blue, a friend texted me. He was a pastor in Rancho Cucamonga. He told me his father had just called him and asked him to give me a message: He had been praying that morning, and the Holy Spirit told him to buy me a car! He said, “Choose any car you’d like, and we will buy it for you.”

• From Wild (2012)

  “I’d have caught you,” he said, and laughed in that golden boy way that I remembered so vividly, though it was altered now too. He was grittier than he’d been before, slightly more shaken, as if he’d aged a few years in the past months. “You want to hang out while I organize my things and we can leave together?” “Sure,” I said without hesitation. “I’ve got to hike those last days before I get into Cascade Locks alone—you know, just to finish like I started—but let’s hike together to Timberline Lodge.” “Holy shit, Cheryl.” He pulled me in for another hug. “I can’t believe we’re here together. Hey, you still have that black feather I gave you?” He reached to touch its ragged edge. “It was my good luck charm,” I said. “What’s with the wine?” he asked, pointing to the bottle in my hand. “I’m going to give it to the ranger,” I replied, lifting it high. “I don’t want to carry it all the way to Timberline.” “Are you insane?” Doug asked. “Give me that bottle.” We opened it that night at our camp near the Warm Springs River with the corkscrew on my Swiss army knife. The day had warmed into the low seventies, but the evening was cool, the crisp edge of summer turning to autumn everywhere around us. The leaves on the trees had thinned almost undetectably; the tall stalks of wildflowers bent down onto themselves, plumped with rot. Doug and I built a fire as our dinners cooked and then sat eating from our pots and passing the wine back and forth, drinking straight from the bottle since neither of us had a cup. The wine and the fire and being in Doug’s company again after all this time felt like a rite of passage, like a ceremonial marking of the end of my journey. After a while, we each turned abruptly toward the darkness, hearing the yip of coyotes more near than far. “That sound always makes my hair stand on end,” Doug said. He took a sip from the bottle and handed it to me. “This wine’s really good.” “It is,” I agreed, and took a swig. “I heard coyotes a lot this summer,” I said. “And you weren’t afraid, right? Isn’t that what you told yourself?” “It is what I told myself,” I said. “Except every once in while,” I added. “When I was.” “Me too.” He reached over and rested his hand on my shoulder and I put my hand on his and squeezed it. He felt like a brother of mine, but not at all like my actual brother. He seemed like someone I’d always know even if I never saw him again.

• From The Spiral Staircase: My Climb Out of Darkness (2004)

  But here I was, laughing with Joel and Ahmed, neither of whom had any time for religion, and having an impromptu picnic on the site of Jesus’ birth. It showed me how far I had departed from those old ideals, and I could almost see my former self looking at this profane scene in astonishment. I had a similar experience when Ahmed and his Jewish Israeli wife picked me up at my hotel at five o’clock one morning and drove me down to Jericho. This was probably the road that Jesus had described in the parable of the Good Samaritan. Now, sitting between Ahmed and Miriam, watching the sunrise over the desert hills, with the Mendelssohn violin concerto blaring from the car radio, I felt happier than at any time in my life. Again, there was no polite conversation to break the mood. With my ears popping as we passed sea level and continued our descent to the Dead Sea, the deepest spot in the world, I gazed at the extraordinary beauty of the desert and felt moved as I had never been before by any landscape. I could not drag my eyes away from it and felt a great silence opening within me. There were no words and no thoughts; it was enough simply to be there. Perhaps other people had found this quietness in prayer, but there was no God here and nothing like the ecstasies experienced by the saints. Instead there was simply a suspension of self. Later we sat with a Bedouin family who lived in the ruins of the deserted Palestinian refugee camp outside Jericho. Abu Musa gave Miriam and me a breakfast of pita bread and sour melted butter, while Ahmed rode the horse that the Bedouins looked after for him into the mountains. Then we had to drive home quickly, snaking swiftly up that mythical road, so that I would be ready to start work with Joel at nine o’clock. We reentered Jerusalem, turned a corner, and there on our right was the Dome of the Rock, blazing in the sunlight. Not only was it perfectly at one with the hills and stones, it seemed to bring all the elements of the environment together, completing them and giving them fresh significance. “Strong!” Ahmed said briefly, and we all nodded. That was exactly the right word. It was not simply my personal circumstances that had changed, but my religious landscape was also being transformed. In my convent meditations, Jews had scarcely figured in the scenes that I had tried so hard to conjure up.

• From The Confessions of Saint Augustine (354)

  But they are fed by these fruits, that are delighted with them; nor are they delighted with them, whose God is their belly. For neither in them that yield them, are the things yielded the fruit, but with what mind they yield them. He therefore that served God, and not his own belly, I plainly see why he rejoiced; I see it, and I rejoice with him. For he had received from the Philippians, what they had sent by Epaphroditus unto him: and yet I perceive why he rejoiced. For whereat he rejoiced upon that he fed; for, speaking in truth, I rejoiced (saith he) greatly in the Lord, that now at the last your care of me hath flourished again, wherein ye were also careful, but it had become wearisome unto you. These Philippians then had now dried up, with a long weariness, and withered as it were as to bearing this fruit of a good work; and he rejoiceth for them, that they flourished again, not for himself, that they supplied his wants. Therefore subjoins he, not that I speak in respect of want, for I have learned in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound; every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full, and to be hungry; both to abound, and to suffer need. I can do all things through Him which strengtheneth me. Whereat then rejoicest thou, O great Paul? whereat rejoicest thou? whereon feedest thou, O man, renewed in the knowledge of God, after the image of Him that created thee, thou living soul, of so much continency, thou tongue like flying fowls, speaking mysteries? (for to such creatures, is this food due;) what is it that feeds thee? joy. Hear we what follows: notwithstanding, ye have well done, that ye did communicate with my affliction. Hereat he rejoiceth, hereon feedeth; because they had well done, not because his strait was eased, who saith unto Thee, Thou hast enlarged me when I was in distress; for that he knew to abound, and to suffer want, in Thee Who strengthenest him. For ye Philippians also know (saith he), that in the beginning of the Gospel, when I departed from Macedonia, no Church communicated with me as concerning giving and receiving, but ye only. For even in Thessalonica ye sent once and again unto my necessity. Unto these good works, he now rejoiceth that they are returned; and is gladdened that they flourished again, as when a fruitful field resumes its green.

• From Worried about Everything Because I Pray about Nothing (2022)

  God was going to lead me and use me in Puyallup. I began working with the young people in the church. We met Sunday nights because the weeknights were too full of school activities. My Sunday routine was to go to church in the morning, head home to change, play basketball for a couple of hours, then go straight to church at three o’clock to set up for the youth service, which started at seven. I would put on worship music and set up the chairs while I prayed over each one. Soon I invited a couple of young people to join me for prayer. For forty-five minutes, we would walk around the room and pray for the service. Sometimes we would sit or lie on the floor, seeking God and praying for our generation. Eventually more people started coming to pray, until fifteen or twenty of us were meeting together every Sunday afternoon at three o’clock. We did that for nine years. Again, God showed up. There were twenty-four students at our first Sunday night youth meeting. Within nine months, there were six hundred. During those nine years, thousands of young people met Jesus, built relationships, and found peace. Their lives were changed, and the effects of those changes rippled out into their families and friends. Eventually we hosted an annual youth conference, produced our own music, and much more. It was beyond anything I dreamed of when I left LA. It was astronomically greater than I could have imagined as a senior in high school, leading prayer meetings during lunch. This was completely supernatural. There’s no other way to explain it. GEORGIA Puyallup ended up being a beautiful, sovereign season of my life. Not just because of the church, though. There I met and married my wife, Julia, in 2008. Julia is my partner in everything. She’s my rock, my inspiration, my hero. She’s the greatest thing that has ever happened to me outside of Jesus. In 2011, our daughter, Georgia, was born. Four months later, she was diagnosed with lissencephaly, or smooth brain, a rare disorder that affected her brain development. I wrote about Georgia and our journey with her health challenges in my book Unreasonable Hope . Talk about a sledgehammer to the heart! That news—and the months after—were challenging, to say the least. Prayer took on new meaning for me through this experience. You’d think that I would have been angry with God or desperate for a solution, and that my prayers would have reflected that. There were certainly moments where that was the case. But overall, there was a deep sense of the presence and grace of God in our lives. When I prayed for Georgia, I would sense God’s assurance not that she would be healed, but that she wasn’t broken.

• From Bold Move

  Ricardo’s Sweet MomentLet’s go back to Ricardo to see how he identified his values through this exercise. Despite the pain of Ricardo’s pending divorce, this exercise really resonated with him, and he worked on it to better understand his values. Ricardo focused on his family and described a vacation moment when he recalled feeling alive and present with his children, Gabriel and Julia, and his wife, Maria. Here is an excerpt from his many pages: I am holding Gabriel and Julia’s hands as we walk down the beach in Miami. It is a hot day, sunny, and the beach is crowded. I look over to Maria and she has a broad smile. I feel complete, as if were life to end here, I had achieved most of what I wanted. As the sun hits my face, I have a sense of being alive, like nothing else mattered in the world than this moment. As my feet touch the sand, I felt as if the world was moving slowly. . . . As I hear Gabriel’s laughter at a half-joke I crack, I am reminded of how precious these moments are and how I love being with them. Ricardo went on to describe in more detail a conversation he’d had with Maria that day, how much she valued their vacation time, and how he’d been able to focus on his family that morning and be the father and husband he wanted to be, without being distracted by work. After Ricardo read it aloud to me, we worked on a few reflective questions to really identify what values were important for him in this domain. Here are some of the questions we examined: What do I care about in this domain? What does this moment suggest about the life I want to live? What qualities does this moment bring out that illustrate the life I want to live? Ricardo really cared about belonging with his family and feeling connected with them. This moment showed Ricardo what life could be like if he were able to be fully present with his family all the time, and allowed him to feel that he was being the best father and husband he could be in that moment. Ricardo mentioned that he had left his work phone in the hotel that morning, which was one thing that perhaps had made that moment so special for him. This was something he didn’t do often (I doubt he’s alone there), so usually when he was with his family, his attention was split between family and his incessantly chirping, ever-present phone. Ricardo really struggled to focus on one thing at a time in his life, often telling me (or perhaps himself) in our sessions that, to be successful, he needed to multitask as much as possible.

• From A Theology for the Social Gospel (1918)

  7. Reversely, the movements for democracy and social justice were left without a religious backing for lack of the Kingdom idea. The Kingdom of God as the fellow- ship of righteousness, would be advanced by the aboli- tion of industrial slavery and the disappearance of the slums of civilization; the Church would only indirectly gain through such social changes. Even today many Christians can not see any religious importance in social justice and fraternity because it does not increase the number of conversions nor fill the churches. Thus the practical conception of salvation, which is the effective theology of the common man and minister, has been cut back and crippled for lack of the Kingdom ideal. 8. Secular life is belittled as compared with church life. Services rendered to the Church get a higher relig- ious rating than services rendered to the community.^ Thus the religious value is taken out of the activities of the common man and the prophetic services to society. Wherever the Kingdom of God is a living reality in 1 After the death of Susan B. Anthony a minister commented on her life, regretting that she was not orthodox in her beliefs. In the same address he spoke glowingly about a new linoleum laid in the church kitchen. THE KINGDOM OF GOD 137 Christian thought, any advance of social righteousness is seen as a part of redemption and arouses inward joy and the triumphant sense of salvation. When the Church ab- sorbs interest, a subtle asceticism creeps back into our theology and the world looks different. 9. When the doctrine of the Kingdom of God is lack- ing in theology, the salvation of the individual is seen in its relation to the Church and to the future life, but not in its relation to the task of saving the social order. Theology has left this important point in a condition so hazy and muddled that it has taken us almost a generation to see that the salvation of the individual and the redemp- tion of the social order are closely related, and how.

• From The Spiral Staircase: My Climb Out of Darkness (2004)

  As he stumbled erratically across the room, missing the coffee table more by accident than design, I realized that Jacob’s deportment was not the result of his disability but was hereditary. “How do you do?” He was, I noticed, a shy person. “How very nice to have you with us.” “This is Karen Armstrong.” Jenifer started to make the introductions. “Karen, this is my husband, Herbert—” “The Royal Arms!” The words were spoken with emphasis. We all turned, puzzled, to Jacob beside the French doors. “The Royal Arms!” he intoned again, still lying facedown on the floor. We looked at one another, and Herbert shrugged elaborately as he hurled himself perilously into a chair. “A pub, I suppose,” he muttered. “I don’t think I’ve taken him to one called the Royal Arms. He probably saw the sign during our drive. Jacob, tell Mummy and . . . er . . . Karen where we went this afternoon.” “The Royal Arms!” Jacob scrambled into a sitting position and beamed happily at us. We smiled back, grateful but mystified. “No, we didn’t go to the Royal Arms, darling.” Herbert’s rather husky voice was patient. “We went to—can you remember?” “No!” Jacob flapped his hands about, as if to dismiss his father’s irrelevant questioning. He shuffled over and stood directly in front of me, looked at me carefully, and nodded, as though making a careful assessment. He then said, quietly and deliberately: “It’s the Royal Arms.” “Oh!” I suddenly understood. “It’s my name. Arm strong.” Jacob beamed again, entranced with his pun, and looked at me with his head bent enquiringly to one side. “It’s the Royal—” He waited. “Arms!” I capped, and we laughed together. We had established a connection and his parents visibly relaxed. “That’s a good joke, Jacob,” Jenifer said happily, and in order to capitalize on this unexpected harmony, added: “What about helping Karen and me to carry that little bookcase up to her room?” “Yes!” Jacob roared with enthusiasm, bounding into Jenifer’s study, grabbing books from shelves, and hurling them around the room with joyous abandon, ignoring his mother’s timid requests to proceed more quietly. I recovered the books as they fell and started to pile them up by the door. “Karen.” Jacob was now on his knees, peering intently into the crevice between the bookcase and the wall. “Karen,” he said again (like his father, he could not pronounce his R s), “come and have a look at this.” To humor him, Jenifer and I went to look, only to have our superior smiles wiped from our faces. “How ludicrous,” Jenifer breathed. “It’s fantastic.

• From Worried about Everything Because I Pray about Nothing (2022)

  school, and ourselves. Soon, we invited a few more friends. Within a week there were five of us. Then seven. Then ten, twenty, thirty. Word spread and people were curious, so more kids came to check it out. We had to move from the classroom to the choir room because we ran out of space. Even more students showed up: forty, then sixty, then eighty. We no longer fit in the choir room, so we moved to the gym. The prayer time was open to anyone: freshmen, sophomores, juniors, and seniors. The jocks, the nerds, the goths, the stoners, the misfits, the new kids, the popular kids. People who were lonely. People who knew they weren’t doing well. People looking for acceptance, comfort, or strength. All were welcome, and all came. We didn’t preach or share anything from the Bible, we just offered to pray for needs. Kids would ask for prayer for a sick relative, a big test, a drug addiction, a breakup, a big football game. Then me or a buddy would pray for the requests. And God showed up. Young people were set free from anorexia and alcoholism. Dozens of kids were saved. We met God in a real, transforming way. I can think of six or seven pastors in ministry today who were present in those lunchtime prayer meetings. That year of simple, unscripted prayer times marked us forever. WANDERING THE MOUNTAINS OF LA My second major experience with prayer began right after I graduated from high school. By this time, I had accepted the call of God on my life to ministry. I loved basketball (and still do today), but I realized I wasn’t called to teach kids how to shoot or dribble. I was called to pastor people. I was invited by a church in East Los Angeles to come work with their youth ministry. I ended up being there for six years, and I enjoyed every minute of it. I fell in love with the people; they didn’t have a lot of money, but they were hardworking, courageous, and full of life.

• From A Theology for the Social Gospel (1918)

  ESCHATOLOGY This is a thought worthy of a man whofollowed a Masterthat gathered thechildrento his heart The social gospel wouldadd thekindredfact thata further large proportion of individuals areleft so underde- veloped by our earthly social system that they deserve a heavenly post-graduate course to make it up to them. It would be a great joy in heaventofind men trooping in from mines and shops, and women fromrestaurant kitchensand steaming laundries, and getting their long delayed college education. This suggests another formof service. We areall conscious of having failed in some ofour human rela- tions, giving indifference instead of sympathy, idleness instead of service, laying our burdens on otherswithout lending a handwiththeirs. Some have done little in thesum total of their life except to addtothe weight on others, and monopolizing the opportunities which ought to have been shared by many. The future life offers achance for reparation, not byway of kindness but of justice. Suppose that a stockholder has taken large dividends outof a mill-town, leaving only thebare minimum tothe workers, and stripping their lives of what couldhumanize them. He followed the custom of his day, and the point ofview of his social class hid the injustice from hisconscience.But in the other world he sees things differently and becomes a belated convert to thesocial gospel. About him arethe men and women whose souls hehasstarved. Would not justice demand that heremainon thelower levelsof life withthem until hewas ableto take upward withhim all whomhehad retarded? Suppose that aman sent a

• From Real Sex for Real Women (2008)

  Getting back into the grooveKissing quality is important, but so is quantity. In long-term relationships, couples sometimes find that kissing falls by the wayside, particularly during busy, stressful times, and this contributes to a lack of intimacy and spontaneity, which negatively affects their sex lives. Start by giving your partner a 10-second-long kiss every single day. It will feel weird to count to 10 in your head as you kiss, but it’s merely a tool to get you back into the habit of kissing each other intimately again. It’s important to make sure you kiss each other at the end of the day or before bed, and when you say hello and goodbye to each other, but you can also surprise him with a kiss when he least expects it—perhaps when he first wakes up in the morning. Try resetting this important sensual trigger in your relationship—you’ll be surprised at how romantic and sexual kissing can be when you make the effort to recommit to it. [image file=image_rsrc3B3.jpg] Kissing in foreplayOnce kiss-play becomes a daily part of your life together, make sure it also plays a big part in foreplay. Kissing can sometimes take a back seat, but nothing can be sexier or more intimate than an intense make-out session. Instead of rushing through the kisses, spend a little time curled up with your lover, reconnecting to the lost art of necking. Don’t have an agenda to make sex the focus. Instead, just revel in the simple pleasure of kissing. Make your kissing technique direct and lingering. Don’t rush, but gradually move from exploratory, light kissing, to deeper, open-mouthed movements. Explore your man’s lips and mouth with your own, using light force and intention—let him know you really mean it. Kissing during sexWhen you are having sex, don’t push kissing to the side. It can be an integral and sensual part of making love. Although not all positions are lip-to-lip friendly, most lovemaking is intensified with delicious making out. So the next time you are on top, try out a few different things. For example, experiment with leaning full length on your partner and slowing the pace as you share a deep kiss. You can also give slow smooches to prevent your man from reaching orgasm too quickly. This can be effective in the missionary position. You can try initiating warm sensual kissing to slow down penetration and delay his orgasm. The best part is that kissing during intercourse heightens your connection and your pleasure, making you both more likely to reach climax.

• From Real Sex for Real Women (2008)

  Thirdly, I asked Victoria and Martin to spend time naked in bed stroking and massaging each other. This hopefully would get them interacting sexually again, with the benefit that prolonged caressing would give Victoria the chance to lubricate and Martin the chance to get a firm erection. The fourth step was to look at erotica together—either print or film. This would boost both Martin’s and Victoria’s arousal levels and increase their chance of orgasm. Finally, I asked Victoria and Martin to try a new sex position. Instead of the missionary position—always their favorite in the past—I asked Martin to try sitting on the bed or sofa and to get Victoria to sit on his lap. This would not only prevent back pain for Martin, but would allow Victoria to control the rhythm, speed, and depth of penetration. What happened? Martin and Victoria tried all of the steps I recommended—as a result they started cuddling, caressing, and being playful with each other again. In time this also led to sex. Martin said he found it extremely arousing to look at erotica with Victoria. She, in turn, loved the vibrator: “One night with it and I felt like a new woman.” Resist stereotypes If you’re over 60, don’t buy into the myth that you can’t have a fulfilling sex life. Let yourself be led by your sex drive and desires. If you have health problems that impact on sex, there are plenty of drugs and treatment options available. Ask your doctor for advice. A Healthy MindGood mental health is important for good sex. If we are relaxed, self-confident, and positive, these attributes will be reflected in our sex lives. But if we are stressed, self-conscious, and burdened with negative thoughts about our body or relationships—or even just life in general—the chances are that sex will suffer. If some aspect of your sex life isn’t working, it may be your mind rather than your body that needs attention. Fortunately, there are many ways to start feeling good about yourself. Positive thinkingBeing positive about ourselves and the people we love is vital to creating a healthy mind. Too often our thoughts are composed of terms such as “I can’t” and “I’m not.” Once you banish these types of negative thoughts, you will have room for more positive ones. Instead of “I hate my thighs. I need to lose weight,” try thinking, “I have a plan to get into shape.” The first thought cuts you down and makes you feel negative about yourself while the second empowers you and builds you up. The two thoughts are both focused on the same goal—becoming fit—but their results are likely to be very different. As simple as it might sound, the best way to create a healthy mind is to love yourself more. If you are kind to yourself, you can prevent negative thoughts from taking over your mind, and stop yourself getting caught up in negative emotions.