Guilt

Passages

Every passage tagged with this emotion in the Vela corpus. Search the body text, narrow by source or register, click through to a book’s profile to see how the passage sits with the rest of the work.

Page 58 of 99 · 20 per page

• From Amplified Holy Bible (2015)

  8 ‘I also gave you your master’s house, and put your master’s wives into your b care and under your protection, and I gave you the house (royal dynasty) of Israel and of Judah; and if that had been too little, I would have given you much more! 9 ‘Why have you despised the word of the LORD by doing evil in His sight? You have struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and have taken his wife to be your wife. You have killed him with the sword of the Ammonites. [Lev 20:10 ; 24:17 ] 10 ‘Now, therefore, the sword shall never depart from your house, because you have despised Me and have taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your wife.’ 11 “Thus says the LORD , ‘Behold, I will stir up evil against you from your c own household; and I will take your wives before your eyes and give them to your companion, and he will lie with your wives in d broad daylight. 12 ‘Indeed you did it secretly, but I will do this thing before all Israel, and e in broad daylight.’ ” [2 Sam 16:21 , 22 ] 13 David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the LORD .” And Nathan said to David, “The LORD also has allowed your sin to pass [without further punishment]; you shall not die. [Ps 51 ] 14 “Nevertheless, because by this deed you have given [a great] opportunity to the enemies of the LORD to blaspheme [Him], the son that is born to you shall certainly die.” 15 Then Nathan went [back] to his home. Loss of a Child A nd the LORD struck the child that Uriah’s widow bore to David, and he was very sick. 16 David therefore appealed to God for the child [to be healed]; and David fasted and went in and lay all night on the ground. 17 The elders of his household stood by him [in the night] to lift him up from the ground, but he was unwilling [to get up] and would not eat food with them. 18 Then it happened on the seventh day that the child died. David’s servants were afraid to tell him that the child was dead, for they said, “While the child was still alive, we spoke to him and he would not listen to our voices. How then can we tell him the child is dead, since he might harm himself [or us]?” 19 But when David saw that his servants were whispering to one another, he realized that the child was dead. So David said to them, “Is the child dead?” And they said, “He is dead.” 20 Then David got up from the ground, washed, anointed himself [with olive oil], changed his clothes, and went into the house of the LORD and worshiped. Then he came [back] to his own house, and when he asked, they set food before him and he ate.

• From The Incendiaries (2018)

  I read all the advice I could find for people hoping to pull those they loved from cults. I emailed Tess, the girl who’d quit the group just before I joined, but the note couldn’t be delivered: she’d left school, I gathered. I attempted to enlist Julian, as well. He didn’t return my calls, so I borrowed a Phi Epsilon’s jeep. I drove to Litton Street, to the Jejah house. I intended to apologize, in person; as the literature advised, I wanted to let Phoebe know I could be depended upon. Full, positive support, but once I parked, I didn’t get out. The windshield sprouted buds of light rain. In a little while, I thought, but still the minutes ticked past. When I looked at my watch again, it was almost midnight, too late to ring the bell. I kept seeing the point in time, and choice, when I pressed Phoebe down against the floorboards. She’d flinched with pain, then surprise. I’d found it satisfying: I enjoyed frightening the girl I loved. I had hurt Phoebe more than they could. I wasn’t to be trusted. If I loved Phoebe, I’d leave the girl alone. Useless tears burned my eyes. I left when I could. – I sent Julian a note with what I’d learned about cults, after which, knowing Phoebe’s schedule, I did as she asked, staying away. With no sign of Phoebe, I kept finding I’d paused to gaze, instead, at a beige raincoat thrown across a bench; a girl in a striped dress. The dining-hall grand piano, its glossed lid hinged open. Piped-in Ella, scatting, had me at a standstill in the deli aisle. The bathtub drain clogged. I pulled out a black plug, the tangled hairs iridescent with soap-froth. She’d left lip balm in a pile of toiletries. I twisted open the black cap: the gel surface was still indented, rough with use. I inhaled the faint salt scent of Phoebe’s mouth, then sealed the balm. I put it beneath the sink, where I could find it. By chance, in late April, I saw Phoebe again. I was exiting the dining hall. In the rotunda, I saw my old girlfriend walking in. It was too late to pretend otherwise. Once we’d said hello, she fell silent. Others hurried past. She stood in place, face averted, until, at a loss, I asked about Julian. Julian, she said. Your friend, I said. Julian Noh. Tall. Korean. I haven’t talked to him in a while. I looked up, startled. I’d gotten used to the sound of Phoebe on the phone with him, the Julian who also stopped by without notice, pint of kimchi in hand, illegal Czech absinthe. He’d leave the gift in the kitchen before he hightailed it into the bedroom, taking hours of Phoebe’s time. But you love Julian, I said.

• From Amplified Holy Bible (2015)

  10 For if someone sees you, a person having c knowledge, d eating in an idol’s temple, then if he is weak, will he not be encouraged to eat things sacrificed to idols [and violate his own convictions]? 11 For through your knowledge (spiritual maturity) this weak man is ruined [that is, he suffers in his spiritual life], the brother for whom Christ died. 12 And when you sin against the brothers and sisters in this way and wound their weak conscience [by confusing them], you sin against Christ. 13 Therefore, if [my eating a certain] food causes my brother to stumble (sin), I will not eat [such] meat ever again, so that I will not cause my brother to stumble. 1 Corinthians 9 Paul’s Use of Liberty 1 A M I not free [unrestrained and exempt from any obligation]? Am I not an apostle? Have I not a seen Jesus our [risen] Lord [in person]? Are you not [the result and proof of] my work in the Lord? 2 If I am not [considered] an apostle to others, at least I am one to you; for you are the seal and the certificate and the living evidence of my apostleship in the Lord [confirming and authenticating it]. 3 This is my defense to those who would put me on trial and interrogate me [concerning my authority as an apostle]: 4 Have we not the right to our food and drink [at the expense of the churches]? 5 Have we not the right to take along with us a believing wife, as do the rest of the apostles and the Lord’s brothers and Cephas (Peter)? 6 Or is it only Barnabas and I who have no right to stop doing manual labor [in order to support our ministry]? 7 [Consider this:] Who at any time serves as a soldier at his own expense? Who plants a vineyard and does not eat its fruit? Or who tends a flock and does not use the milk of the flock? 8 Do I say these things only from a man’s perspective? Does the Law not endorse the same principles? 9 For it is written in the Law of Moses, “YOU SHALL NOT MUZZLE AN OX WHILE IT IS TREADING OUT THE GRAIN [to keep it from eating the grain].” Is it [only] for oxen that God cares? [Deut 25:4 ] 10 Or does He speak entirely for our sake? Yes, it was written for our sake: The plowman ought to plow b in hope, and the thresher to thresh in hope of sharing the harvest. 11 If we have sown [the good seed of] spiritual things in you, is it too much if we reap material things from you? 12 If others share in this rightful claim over you, do not we even more? However, we did not exercise this right, but we put up with everything so that we will not hinder [the spread of] the good news of Christ.

• From Amplified Holy Bible (2015)

  26 ‘And he shall offer all its fat up in smoke on the altar like the fat from the sacrifice of peace offerings; so the priest shall make atonement for him in regard to his sin, and he will be forgiven. 27 ‘If anyone of the common people sins unintentionally by doing any of the things the LORD has commanded not to be done, and becomes guilty, 28 if his sin which he has committed is made known to him, then he shall bring a goat, a female without blemish as his offering for the sin which he has committed. 29 ‘He shall lay his hand on the head of the sin offering [transferring symbolically his guilt to the sacrifice], and kill it at the place of the burnt offering. 30 ‘The priest shall take some of its blood with his finger and put it on the horns of the altar of burnt offering and shall pour out all the rest of its blood at the base of the altar. 31 ‘Then he shall remove all its fat, just as the fat was removed from the sacrifice of peace offerings; and the priest shall offer it up in smoke on the altar as a sweet and soothing aroma to the LORD . In this way the priest shall make atonement for him, and he will be forgiven. 32 ‘If he brings a lamb as his offering for a sin offering, he shall bring a female without blemish. 33 ‘He shall lay his hand on the head of the sin offering [transferring symbolically his guilt to the sacrifice], and kill it as a sin offering in the place where they kill the burnt offering. 34 ‘The priest is to take some of the blood of the sin offering with his finger and put it on the horns of the altar of burnt offering and all the rest of the blood of the lamb he shall pour out at the base of the altar. 35 ‘Then he shall remove all its fat, just as the fat of the lamb is removed from the sacrifice of the peace offerings, and the priest shall offer it up in smoke on the altar, on the offerings by fire to the LORD . In this way the priest shall make atonement for him in regard to the sin which he has committed, and he will be forgiven. [Heb 9:13 , 14 ] Leviticus 5 The Law of Guilt Offerings 1 ‘I F ANYONE sins after he hears a a public adjuration (solemn command to testify) when he is a witness, whether he has seen or [otherwise] known [something]—if he fails to report it, then he will bear his guilt and be held responsible.

• From The Incendiaries (2018)

  He’ll keep her caged until she’s ripe. With that, he hooted, hitting his thigh. Others had joined in, providing still more parallels between livestock and girls, when I spotted Isabel in front of the swing doors. One night, she’d admitted she had trouble being the single female hire. They’re always talking about bitches and putas, she said. In principle, I agreed; until now, I hadn’t added to this kind of machismo, but what could I do? The walk-in hissed open. I glanced at Isabel again. With a flap of white earrings, she left the kitchen. I carried the plates to my table. I saluted fresh arrivals. By the time I returned to the kitchen, people had started shouting out bets on the Harris wife’s alleged price. Paul had appointed himself the betting-pool judge, and all those permitted inside the dining room found an excuse to stroll past the veal aficionado’s wife. Dishwashers thronged with line chefs into Paul’s office to examine his live feed. Bets got one-upped, cash flung down. The final purse came to more than nine hundred dollars. Let’s make it an even grand, Paul said, throwing in extra bills. He called the price. A waiter, Josh, won the pool. While he crowed, I asked if I could borrow a little cash. Man, just take it, he said, thrusting a fistful of his winnings into my apron pocket. I promised I’d pay him back, but he declined, laughing. You made this jackpot happen, he said. – Shift ending, I locked myself in the bathroom to count the night’s take. With what Josh had lent me, and what I’d make in the next shift, I’d have enough. I’d deposit the cash Friday morning. I riffled the soft pile of bills. The week after the Beijing trip, I’d returned from class to find my mother unconscious, holding an emptied pill bottle. I called an ambulance; while she was still in the hospital, in the psychiatric ward, the house’s water had been suspended. I hadn’t seen a final notice about the bill, but when I twisted the tap knob, nothing happened. She’d be released from the hospital in three days. If I didn’t fix the situation in time, I’d have failed again. I hit the useless faucet, but then I called the utilities help line. I negotiated. I explained. I paid what I could, and I had it all working before she came home. When I left the restaurant, I saw Isabel. I asked what she was doing. I have a ride coming. I’ll wait with you, I said, until it’s here. She objected, so I insisted. It was late, the street deserted. It’s not safe, I said. Do as you like, she said, turning aside. She fidgeted with a phone. I took out mine. I’d hoped to apologize, but Isabel’s playacted silence, this hostile charade—she didn’t know how much I needed the cash. It wasn’t as though I had a choice. The asphalt, still wet, shone with the night.

• From Girls & Sex (2016)

  For both sexes, but particularly for girls, giving oral sex was also seen as a path to popularity. Intercourse could bring stigma, turn you into a “slut”; fellatio, at least under certain circumstances, conferred the right sort of reputation. “Oral sex is like money or some kind of currency,” Sam explained. “It’s how you make friends with the popular guys. And it’s how you rack up points for hooking up with someone without actually having sex, so you can say, ‘I hooked up with this person and that person,’ and increase your social status. I guess it’s more impersonal than sex, so people are like, ‘It’s not a big deal.’” I may be of a different generation, but, frankly, it’s hard for me to consider a penis in my mouth as “impersonal.” Beyond that, I was concerned about the dynamics around oral sex: the morass of obligations, pressures, and judgments leveled at girls; the calculus and compromises they made to curry favor with boys while remaining emotionally, socially, and even physically “safe”; the lack of reciprocity or physical pleasure they described, or expected. One afternoon in San Francisco’s Golden Gate Park, I met Anna, a freshman at a small West Coast college. Anna had grown up in a politically liberal family and attended progressive private schools through twelfth grade. She wore skinny jeans with lace-up boots and had recently pierced the small flap of cartilage in front of her ear canal with a silver hoop; her long, wavy brown hair was swept to one side. “Sometimes,” she told me, “a girl will give a guy a blow job at the end of the night because she doesn’t want to have sex with him and he expects to be satisfied. So if I want him to leave and I don’t want anything to happen . . .” She trailed off, leaving me to imagine the rest. There was so much to unpack in that short statement: why a young man should expect to be sexually satisfied; why a girl not only isn’t outraged, but considers it her obligation to comply; why she doesn’t think a blow job constitutes “anything happening”; the pressure young women face in any personal relationship to put others’ needs before their own; the potential justification of assault with a chaser of self-blame. “It goes back to girls feeling guilty,” Anna said. “If you go to a guy’s room and are hooking up with him, you feel bad leaving him without pleasing him in some way. But, you know, it’s unfair. I don’t think he feels badly for you.”

• From Amplified Holy Bible (2015)

  And c when she was purified from her uncleanness, she returned to her house. 5 The woman conceived; and she sent word and told David, “I am pregnant.” 6 Then David sent word to Joab, saying , “Send me Uriah the Hittite.” So Joab sent Uriah to David. 7 When Uriah came to him, David asked him d how Joab was, how the people were doing, and how the war was progressing. 8 Then David said to Uriah, “Go down to your house, and wash your feet (spend time at home).” Uriah left the king’s palace, and a e gift from the king was sent out after him. 9 But Uriah slept at the entrance of the king’s palace with all the servants of his lord, and did not go down to his house. 10 When they told David, “Uriah did not go down to his house,” David said to Uriah, “Have you not [just] come from a [long] journey? Why did you not go to your house?” 11 Uriah said to David, “The ark and Israel and Judah are staying in huts (temporary shelters), and my lord Joab and the servants of my lord are camping in the open field. Should I go to my house to eat and drink and lie with my wife? By your life and the life of your soul, I will not do this thing.” 12 Then David said to Uriah, “Stay here today as well, and tomorrow I will let you leave.” So Uriah remained in Jerusalem that day and the next. 13 Now David called him [to dinner], and he ate and drank with him, so that he f made Uriah drunk; in the evening he went out to lie on his bed with the servants of his lord, and [still] did not go down to his house. 14 In the morning David wrote a letter to Joab and sent it g with Uriah. 15 He wrote in the letter, “Put Uriah in the front line of the heaviest fighting and leave him, so that he may be struck down and die.” 16 So it happened that as Joab was besieging the city, he assigned Uriah to the place where he knew the [enemy’s] valiant men were positioned . 17 And the men of the city came out and fought against Joab, and some of the people among the servants of David fell; Uriah the Hittite also died. 18 Then Joab sent word and informed David of all the events of the war. 19 And he commanded the messenger, “When you have finished reporting all the events of the war to the king, 20 then if the king becomes angry and he says to you, ‘Why did you go so near to the city to fight? Did you not know that they would shoot [arrows] from the wall? 21 ‘Who killed Abimelech the son of Jerubbesheth (Gideon)?

• From Amplified Holy Bible (2015)

  I am the one who has sinned and done evil; but as for these sheep [the people of Israel], what have they done? O LORD my God, please let Your hand be against me and my father’s house, but not against Your people that they should be plagued.” David’s Altar 18 Then the angel of the LORD commanded Gad to say to David, that David should go up and build an altar to the LORD on the b threshing floor of Ornan the Jebusite. 19 So David went up at Gad’s word, which he spoke in the name of the LORD . 20 Now Ornan was threshing wheat, and he turned back and saw the angel; and his four sons who were with him hid themselves. 21 As David came to Ornan, Ornan looked and saw him, and went out from the threshing floor and bowed down before David with his face to the ground. 22 Then David said to Ornan, “Give me the site of this threshing floor, so that I may build an altar on it to the LORD . You shall charge me the full price for it, so that the plague may be averted from the people.” 23 Ornan said to David, “Take it for yourself; and let my lord the king do what is good in his eyes. See, I will give you the oxen also for burnt offerings and the threshing sledges (heavy wooden platforms) for wood and the wheat for the grain offering; I give it all.” 24 But King David said to Ornan, “No, I will certainly pay the full price; for I will not take what is yours for the LORD , nor offer a burnt offering which costs me nothing.” 25 So David gave Ornan 600 shekels of gold by weight for the site. [2 Chr 3:1 ] 26 Then David built an altar to the LORD there and presented burnt offerings and peace offerings. And he called on the LORD , and He answered him with fire from heaven on the altar of burnt offering. 27 Then the LORD commanded the [avenging] angel, and he put his sword back into its sheath. 28 At that time, when David saw that the LORD had answered him on the threshing floor of Ornan the Jebusite, he sacrificed there. 29 For the tabernacle of the LORD , which Moses made in the wilderness, and the altar of burnt offering were at that time in the high place at Gibeon. 30 But David could not go before it to inquire of God, for he was terrified by the sword of the angel of the LORD .

• From Amplified Holy Bible (2015)

  For our guilt is so great that His burning anger is against Israel.” 14 So the armed men [of Israel] left the captives and the spoil [of Judah] before the officers and all the assembly. 15 Then the men who were designated by name rose up and took the captives, and from the spoil they clothed all those who were naked; they clothed them and gave them sandals, and fed them and gave them [something to] drink, anointed them [with oil, as was a host’s duty], and led all the feeble ones on donkeys, and they brought them to Jericho, the City of Palm Trees, to their brothers (fellow descendants of Israel, i.e. Jacob). Then they returned to Samaria. [Luke 10:25–37 ] Compromise with Assyria 16 At that time King Ahaz sent word to the king of Assyria [to ask him] for help. 17 For the Edomites had come again and attacked Judah and led away captives. 18 The Philistines had also invaded the cities of the low country and of the Negev (the South country) of Judah, and had taken Beth-shemesh, Aijalon, Gederoth, and Soco with their villages, and also Timnah with its villages, and Gimzo with its villages, and they settled there. 19 For the LORD humbled Judah because of Ahaz king of Israel, for Ahaz had allowed unrestrained and undisciplined behavior in Judah and had been very unfaithful to the LORD . 20 So Tilgath-pilneser king of Assyria came against him and harassed him instead of strengthening and supporting him. 21 Although Ahaz took a portion [of treasure] from the house of the LORD and from the house (palace) of the king and from the leaders, and gave it [as tribute] to the king of Assyria, it did not help Ahaz. 22 In the time of his distress, this same King Ahaz became yet more unfaithful to the LORD . 23 For he sacrificed to the gods of Damascus, which had defeated him, and he said, “Since the gods of the kings of Aram (Syria) helped them, I will sacrifice to them so that they may help me.” But they became the ruin and downfall of him and all of Israel. 24 Then Ahaz collected the utensils of the house of God and he cut them in pieces; and he shut the doors of the house of the LORD and made altars for himself in every corner of Jerusalem. 25 In every city of Judah he made high places to burn incense to other gods, provoking to anger the LORD , the God of his fathers. 26 Now the rest of his acts and of all his ways, from the first to the last, behold, they are written in the Book of the Kings of Judah and Israel. 27 And Ahaz slept with his fathers [in death], and they buried him in the city, in Jerusalem, but they did not bring him into the tombs of the kings of Israel.

• From Amplified Holy Bible (2015)

  44 “When Your people go out to battle against their enemy, by whatever way You send them, and they pray to the LORD toward the city which You have chosen and the house that I have built for Your Name and Presence, 45 then hear in heaven their prayer and their pleading, and maintain their right and defend their cause. 46 “When they sin against You (for there is no man who does not sin) and You are angry with them and hand them over to the enemy, so that they are carried away captive to the enemy’s land, [whether] far away or near; 47 if they d take it to heart in the land where they have been taken captive, and they repent and pray to You in the land of their captors, saying, ‘We have sinned and done wrong and we have acted wickedly;’ 48 if they return to You with all their heart and with all their soul in the land of their enemies who have taken them captive, and they pray to You toward their land [of Israel] which You gave to their fathers, the city [of Jerusalem] which You have chosen, and the house which I have built for Your Name and Presence; 49 then hear their prayer and their supplication in heaven Your dwelling place, and maintain their right and defend their cause, 50 and forgive Your people who have sinned against You and all the transgressions which they have committed against You, and make them objects of compassion before their captors, that they will be merciful to them 51 (for they are Your people and Your heritage, whom You brought out of Egypt, from the midst of the iron furnace [of slavery and oppression]), 52 that Your eyes may be open to the supplication of Your servant and to the supplication of Your people Israel, to listen to them and be attentive to them whenever they call to You. 53 “For You singled them out from all the peoples of the earth as Your heritage, just as You declared through Moses Your servant, when You brought our fathers out of Egypt, O Lord GOD .” Solomon’s Benediction 54 When Solomon finished offering this entire prayer and supplication to the LORD , he arose from before the LORD ’s altar, where he had knelt down with his hands stretched toward heaven. 55 And he stood and blessed all the assembly of Israel with a loud voice, saying, 56 “Blessed be the LORD , who has given rest to His people Israel, in accordance with everything that He promised. Not one word has failed of all His good promise, which He spoke through Moses His servant.

• From Amplified Holy Bible (2015)

  2 So David said to Joab and the leaders of the people, “Go, count Israel from Beersheba to Dan, and bring me their total, so that I may know it.” 3 Joab said, “May the LORD add to His people a hundred times as many as they are! But, my lord the king, are they not all my lord’s servants? Why then does my lord require this? Why will he bring guilt on Israel?” 4 But the king’s word prevailed over Joab. So Joab left and went throughout all Israel and came to Jerusalem. 5 Then Joab gave the total of the census of the people to David. And all Israel were 1,100,000 men who drew the sword; and in Judah 470,000 men who drew the sword. 6 But he did not count Levi and Benjamin among them, because the king’s order was detestable to Joab. 7 Now God was displeased with this act [of arrogance and pride], and He struck Israel. 8 Then David said to God, “I have sinned greatly because I have done this thing. But now, I beseech You, take away the wickedness and guilt of Your servant, for I have acted very foolishly.” 9 And the LORD said to Gad, David’s seer, 10 “Go and tell David, saying, ‘Thus says the LORD , “I offer you three choices; choose for yourself one of them, which I will do to you [as punishment for your sin].” ’ ” 11 So Gad came to David and said to him, “Thus says the LORD : ‘Choose for yourself 12 either three years of famine, or three months to be swept away before your enemies, while the sword of your enemies overtakes you, or else three days of the sword of the LORD and plague in the land, and the angel of the LORD bringing destruction throughout all the territory of Israel.’ Now therefore, consider what answer I shall return to Him who sent me.” 13 David said to Gad, “I am in great distress; please let me fall into the hands of the LORD , for His mercies are very great; but do not let me fall into the hand of man.” 14 So the LORD sent a plague on Israel, and 70,000 men of Israel fell. 15 God sent an angel to Jerusalem to destroy it; and as he was destroying it, the LORD looked, and relented concerning the catastrophe and said to the destroying angel, “It is enough; now remove your hand [of judgment].” And the angel of the LORD was standing by the threshing floor of Ornan the Jebusite. 16 Then David raised his eyes and saw the angel of the LORD standing between earth and heaven, having a drawn sword in his hand stretched out over Jerusalem. Then David and the elders, covered in sackcloth, fell on their faces. 17 David said to God, “Is it not I who commanded the people to be counted?

• From Unbought and Unbossed: Transgressive Black Women, Sexuality, and Representation (2014)

  Abandoning Eddie Jr., despite the physical and psychological effects, affords her the opportunity to attend college and play a participatory role in the movement, and thereby liberate her community via sociopolitical activism. As literary scholar Thadious Davis insightfully notes, Meridian "divests herself of immediate blood relations," including her child and parents, "in order to align herself completely with the larger racial and social generations of blacks."29 Despite her painful private experiences, she "is born anew into a pluralistic cultural self, a `we' that is and must be self-less and without ordinary prerequisites for personal identity."" Moreover, "[i]n order to engage in the intense political struggles of the movement Meridian has to forget the events of her personal past," including her divestment of her child, "that once kept her from the larger historical context of her life."31 Thus, "the power of public commitment" overshadows, if not overwhelms, "the demands of private ties," as literary scholar Melissa Walker posits.32 While I concur with both Davis and Walker, I would also suggest that it is precisely because Meridian redefines her self in relation to the communal, vis-a-vis participating in sociopolitical activism and uplift, that she "reconciles" her sense of guilt and avoids, unlike other transgressive characters, the communal ramifications that transgressions against motherhood, female sexuality, and strictures for women would otherwise elicit. As such, while she challenges sociocommunal demands and circumscriptions of women where sexuality and motherhood are concerned, her participation in the movement is not seen as deviant. Rather, her activism, a form of racial/ communal and sociopolitical work, serves as expiation for her racialized/gendered/sexualized transgression. For it is precisely her activism and commitment to liberatory politics that enable her to transgress circumscriptions for women, yet, concomitantly, serve a vital role within varied communities. In fact, Walker deliberately employs this narrative strategycharacterizing and historicizing Meridian within the context of the movement-to negotiate, as well as problematize, notions regarding black women's individuality, community, and belonging. To this end, her transgressions against motherhood, especially her thoughts of infanticide, are invariably and strategically accompanied by moments of sociopolitical consciousness on her part within the text. Her initial fantasies of murdering Eddie Jr., for instance, are interrupted by a voter registration demonstration led by young activists that she sees on the evening news: Now she sat listlessly, staring at the TV. [...] There was to be a voter registration drive (she wondered what that was) that would begin [...]. Local blacks, volunteers, were needed. [. Black people were never shown in the newsunless of course they had shot their mothers or raped their bosses' grandparent-and a black person or persons giving a news conference was unheard of. But, [... it] kept her mind somewhere else while she made her hands play with the baby. (72)

• From Amplified Holy Bible (2015)

  See how my c energy is restored because I tasted a little of this honey. 30 How much better [it would have been] if only the people had eaten freely today from the spoil of their enemies which they found! For now the slaughter among the Philistines has not been great.” 31 They struck the Philistines that day from Michmash to Aijalon. And the people were very tired. 32 [When night came and the oath ended] the people rushed greedily upon the spoil. They took sheep, oxen, and calves, and slaughtered them on the ground; and they ate them [raw] with the blood [still in them]. 33 Then Saul was told, “Look, the people are sinning against the LORD by eating [the meat] with the blood.” And he said, “You have violated [the Law] and acted treacherously; roll a large stone to me today.” [Lev 7:26 , 27 ] 34 Saul said, “Spread out among the people and tell them, ‘Each one of you bring me his ox or his sheep, and butcher it [properly] here and eat; and do not sin against the LORD by eating [the meat with] the blood.’ ” So that night each one brought his ox with him and butchered it there. 35 And Saul built an altar to the LORD ; it was the first altar that he built to the LORD . 36 Then Saul said, “Let us go down after the Philistines by night and plunder them until the morning light, and let us not leave a man of them [alive].” They said, “Do whatever seems good to you.” Then the priest said, “Let us approach God here.” 37 Saul asked [counsel] of God, “Shall I go down after the Philistines? Will You hand them over to Israel?” But He did not answer him that day. 38 Then Saul said, “Come here, all you who are leaders of the people, and let us find out how this sin [causing God’s silence] happened today. 39 “For as the LORD lives, who saves Israel, for even if the guilt is in my son Jonathan, he shall most certainly die.” But not one of all the people answered him. 40 Then he said to all the Israelites, “d You shall be on one side; I and my son Jonathan will be on the other side.” The people said to Saul, “Do what seems good to you.” 41 Therefore, Saul said to the LORD , the God of Israel, “Give a perfect lot [identifying the transgressor].” Then Saul and Jonathan were selected [by lot], but the other men went free. 42 Saul said, “Cast [lots] between me and my son Jonathan.” And Jonathan was selected. 43 Saul said to Jonathan, “Tell me what you have done.” So Jonathan told him, “I tasted a little honey with the end of the staff that was in my hand.

• From Amplified Holy Bible (2015)

  12 ‘So now do not give your daughters to their sons or take their daughters for your sons; and never seek their peace or their prosperity, so that you may be strong and eat the good things of the land and leave it as an inheritance to your children forever.’ 13 “And after everything that has come upon us for our evil deeds and for our great guilt, since You our God have punished us less than our wrongdoings deserve, and have given us survivors like these, 14 shall we again break Your commandments and intermarry with the peoples who practice these repulsive acts? Would You not be angry with us to the point of total destruction, so that there would be no remnant nor survivor? [Deut 7:2–4 ] 15 “O LORD God of Israel, You are [uncompromisingly] just (righteous), for we have been left as survivors, as it is this day. Behold, we are before You in our guilt, for no one can stand before You because of this.” Ezra 10 Reconciliation with God 1 N ow while Ezra was praying and confessing, weeping and laying himself face down before the house of God, a very large group from Israel, of men, women, and children, gathered to him, for the people wept bitterly. 2 Shecaniah the son of Jehiel, of the sons of Elam, said to Ezra, “We have been unfaithful to our God and have married foreign women from the peoples of the land; yet now there is hope for Israel in spite of this. 3 “Therefore let us now make a covenant with our God to send away all the [foreign] wives and their children, in accordance with the advice of my lord and of those who tremble [in reverent obedience] at the commandment of our God; and let it be done in accordance with the Law. 4 “Stand up, for it is your duty, and we will be with you. Be brave and act.” 5 Then Ezra stood and made the leaders of the priests, the Levites, and all Israel, take an oath that they would act in accordance with this proposal; so they took the oath. 6 Then Ezra got up from before the house of God and went into the chamber of Jehohanan the son of Eliashib [and spent the night there]. He did not eat bread nor drink water, for he was mourning over the [former] exiles’ faithlessness. 7 They made a proclamation throughout Judah and Jerusalem to all the [former] exiles, that they were to assemble at Jerusalem, 8 and that whoever would not come within three days, by order of the counsel of the leaders and the elders, all his possessions and property would be forfeited and he himself would be excluded from the assembly of the exiles. 9 So all the men of Judah and Benjamin gathered at Jerusalem within three days.

• From The Decameron (1353)

  Wert thou a scholar, thou wouldst do well to repeat certain orisons I would give thee; but, as thou art it not, thou must say three hundred Paternosters and as many Ave Marys, in honour of the Trinity, and looking upon heaven, still have in remembrance that God is the Creator of heaven and earth and the passion of Christ, abiding on such wise as He abode on the cross. When the bell ringeth to matins, thou mayst, an thou wilt, go and cast thyself, clad as thou art, on thy bed and sleep, and after, in the forenoon, betake thyself to church and there hear at least three masses and repeat fifty Paternosters and as many Aves; after which thou shalt with a single heart do all and sundry thine occasions, if thou have any to do, and dine and at evensong be in church again and there say certain orisons which I will give thee by writ and without which it cannot be done. Then, towards complines, do thou return to the fashion aforesaid, and thus doing, even as I have myself done aforetime, I doubt not but, ere thou come to the end of the penance, thou wilt, (provided thou shalt have performed it with devoutness and compunction,) feel somewhat marvellous of eternal beatitude.' Quoth Fra Puccio, 'This is no very burdensome matter, nor yet overlong, and may very well be done; wherefore I purpose in God's name to begin on Sunday.' Then, taking leave of him and returning home, he related everything in due order to his wife, having the other's permission therefor. The lady understood very well what the monk meant by bidding him stand fast without stirring till matins; wherefore, the device seeming to her excellent, she replied that she was well pleased therewith and with every other good work that he did for the health of his soul and that, so God might make the penance profitable to him, she would e'en fast with him, but do no more. They being thus of accord and Sunday come, Fra Puccio began his penance and my lord monk, having agreed with the lady, came most evenings to sup with her, bringing with him store of good things to eat and drink, and after lay with her till matinsong, when he arose and took himself off, whilst Fra Puccio returned to bed. Now the place which Fra Puccio had chosen for his penance adjoined the chamber where the lady lay and was parted therefrom but by a very slight wall, wherefore, Master Monk wantoning it one night overfreely with the lady and she with him, it seemed to Fra Puccio that he felt a shaking of the floor of the house. Accordingly, having by this said an hundred of his Paternosters, he made a stop there and without moving, called to his wife to know what she did.

• From Girls & Sex (2016)

  Caleb, who had a “fade” haircut and red plastic glasses, jumped in. “The whole problem is that hooking up sober is not so attractive.” Annika nodded and continued. “And yes can mean different things, especially if I’m drunk. Like, did I say yes because I wanted to hook up with this person or because I wanted to hook up with someone, or because my friends think it would be cool if I hooked up with that person?” Nicole confided that when her “gut” told her to end a hookup, she would immediately start a mental tally of everything she had done up until that point—locked eyes with a boy across a room, flirted, touched his shoulder, kissed him, taken off her shirt—that would have led him to believe she would say yes to more. “And I’m already feeling guilty and worrying about what will happen in that moment of confrontation when I actually say to him, ‘This is my boundary.’” “It’s so complex,” said Gabriel, who wore a five-panel cap and a U.S. Marine Corps T-shirt. “As a guy, you have to do the best you can do to prevent a situation from happening in the future. You have to train yourself to look at someone and say, ‘Are you okay with this? Are you one hundred percent sure? Is this definitely a yes?’” Lauren, who had recently broken up with her boyfriend, quietly offered that even in a long-term relationship, consent could feel tricky. “It’s like if you’ve had sex once, you’ve said yes forever,” she said, and two other girls nodded. “And it’s always going to end that way no matter what was voiced or what was wanted at that moment, because once you get to that point with someone, that’s what always happens.” “Good girlfriends” say yes, no matter what. They consent—or at least comply—freely, even if the sex is unwanted. They take one for the team to keep their relationships stable, their partners happy. What, these young people wondered, do you call that? “You know,” Michael said, “hearing all this . . . I was in a relationship for about a year and I think . . . I was probably on the other side of that equation. I think . . . I didn’t mean to, but I was probably subconsciously pressuring my girlfriend.” He fell silent for a moment, pondering that. “I don’t know that I want to be, like, a leader in gender equality,” he continued, “but whatever I end up doing, wherever I end up going, this is going to be something I incorporate. I think just by doing that with the people you meet at school or the people you work with that you can have considerable influence in changing a culture, a community. I really do.” “I Know What It Feels Like to Be Told, ‘It’s Not Rape.’” “Do you think you were raped?” I asked Maddie.

• From The Beautiful Room Is Empty (1988)

  In her ponderous old station wagon we drove to Flint to spend the weekend with a college dance teacher, Anita, who’d been Maria’s first love. Around Anita I was demoted back to being a kid, and Maria would literally pinch my cheeks and roll her eyes as though to remind us that kids will say the darnedest things. Anita was not only on the school staff but also toured with a company versed in the Graham technique, all to earn money to send her sister to graduate school and to support a widowed mother. Her family responsibilities somehow neutralized her lurid status as a lesbian. Although I pretended to be sophisticated and could listen to tales of erotic mayhem without blinking, privately I still considered us all damned. This disparity between my surface smile and inner anguish condemned me to savoring my guilt in silence, a guilt I couldn’t expiate since it was thoroughly secular. Back in my white room after the weekend, Maria stopped playing the big sister. Now that we’d lived together for five days, we’d pressed beyond a border into companionable silence. Much as we might protest our devotion to each other, until now our bodies, tense, edgy animals, had stayed on guard. On this fifth day, they sighed and lay down to sleep side by side like two cats who’ve finally stopped prowling and hissing their rival claims to the sewing basket and squabbling over precedence at the water bowl. Now we sprawled on the bed, smoking and reading and listening to Bartók. One afternoon we started kissing. In a second we’d undressed. Maria thrashed with shocking passion in my arms and in my ear her smoky mouth breathed with short, voiced gasps. She was so fragile, so supple in contrast to all the big clumsy men I’d known. I’d thought a heterosexual man must weary of always having to instigate things, but there was no question of aggression and passivity, we were both swept like lovers into a tempest that raged around us, and, yes, for us. We were its victims. Maria stayed two more days. When we’d go to the student union, I’d cast hungry looks at the boys and yearn to escape Maria and reenter this anarchic fraternity which had, instead of secret handshakes, matched taps on the toilet floor, and instead of one hell night, endless nights of perverse pleasure and excruciating remorse. Once we were alone again I’d forget these distractions, and Maria and I would lie on white sheets fading to blue in the long, late May evening light. I asked her if she’d marry me, and she laughed, rubbed my cheek with the back of her cool hand, and whispered, “My child groom …”

• From Amplified Holy Bible (2015)

  Let us fall into the hands of the LORD , for His mercies are great, but do not let me fall into the hands of man.” Pestilence Sent 15 So the LORD sent a pestilence (plague) [lasting three days] upon Israel from the morning until the appointed time, and seventy thousand men of the people from Dan to Beersheba died. 16 When the [avenging] angel stretched out his hand toward Jerusalem to destroy it, the LORD relented from the disaster and said to the angel who destroyed the people, “It is enough! Now relax your hand.” And the angel of the LORD was by the threshing floor of Araunah the Jebusite. 17 When David saw the angel who was striking down the people, he spoke to the LORD and said, “Behold, I [alone] am the one who has sinned and done wrong; but these sheep (people of Israel), what have they done [to deserve this]? Please let Your hand be [only] against me and my father’s house (family).” David Builds an Altar 18 Then Gad [the prophet] came to David that day and said to him, “Go up, set up an altar to the LORD on the threshing floor of Araunah the Jebusite [where you saw the angel].” 19 So David went up according to Gad’s word, as the LORD commanded. 20 Araunah looked down and saw the king and his servants crossing over toward him; and he went out and bowed before the king with his face toward the ground. 21 Araunah said, “Why has my lord the king come to his servant?” And David said, “To buy the threshing floor from you, to build an altar to the LORD , so that the plague may be held back from the people.” 22 Araunah said to David, “Let my lord the king take and offer up whatever seems good to him. Look, here are oxen for the burnt offering, and threshing sledges and the yokes of the oxen for the wood. 23 “All of this, O king, Araunah gives to the king.” And Araunah said to the king, “May the LORD your God be favorable to you.” 24 But the king said to Araunah, “No, but I will certainly buy it from you for a price. I will not offer burnt offerings to the LORD my God which cost me nothing.” So David purchased the d threshing floor and the oxen for fifty shekels of silver. 25 David built an altar to the LORD there, and offered burnt offerings and peace offerings. So the LORD was moved [to compassion] by [David’s] prayer for the land, and the plague was held back from Israel. 2 Samuel 1 a 1:10 The young Amalekite’s story conflicts with the description of Saul’s suicide as recounted in 1 Sam 31:3–6 . He must have, at the very least, witnessed Saul’s death since he was able to obtain the crown and the arm band.

• From The Well of Loneliness (1928)

  Her voice sounded apologetic, uncertain, and he knew that the tears were not far from her eyes, knew that if he looked now he would see her lips shaking, and the tears making ugly red stains on her eyelids. His loins ached with pity for this fruit of his loins — an insufferable aching, an intolerable pity. He was frightened, a coward because of his pity, as he had been once long ago with her mother. Merciful God! How could a man answer? What could he say, and that man a father? He sat there inwardly grovelling before her: “Oh, Stephen, my child, my little, little Stephen.’ For now in his pity she seemed to him little, little and utterly helpless again — he remembered her hands as the hands of a baby, very small, very pink, with minute perfect nails — he had played with her hands, exclaiming about them, astonished be- THE WELL OF LONELINESS 117 cause of their neat perfection: ‘Oh, Stephen, my little, little Stephen.” He wanted to cry out against God for this thing; he wanted to cry out: “ You have maimed my Stephen! What had I done or my father before me, or my father’s father, or his father’s father? Unto the third and fourth generations. . . .’? And Stephen was waiting for his answer. Then Sir Philip set the lips of his spirit to the cup, and his spirit must drink the gall of deception: ‘ I will not tell her, You cannot ask it — there are some things that even God should not ask.’ And now he turned round and deliberately faced her; smil- ing right into her eyes he lied glibly: ‘ My dear, don’t be foolish, there’s nothing strange about you, some day you may meet a man you can love. And supposing you don’t, well, what of it, Stephen? _ Marriage isn’t the only career for a woman. I’ve been thinking about your writing just lately, and I’m going to let you go up to Oxford; but meanwhile you mustn’t get foolish fancies, that won’t do at all —it’s not like you, Stephen.’ She was gazing at him and he turned away quickly: ‘ Darling, I’m busy, you must leave me,’ he faltered. ‘ Thank you,’ she said very quietly and simply, ‘I felt that I had to ask you about Martin —’ 3 Arter she had gone he sat on alone, and the lie was still bitter to his spirit as he sat there, and he covered his face for the shame that was in him — but because of the love that was in him he wept. CHAPTER 13 I

• From The Beautiful Room Is Empty (1988)

  What I desired most was a man; desiring men was sick; therefore, to become well I must kill desire itself. “Or kill men!” O’Reilly shouted, triumphant, half rising from his chair behind the analytic couch where he usually dozed out of sight or bit his broad white mustache and fiddled with his drink. “You want to murder men! You see, old boy, you think I’m sleeping, that I’m counter-transferent, but even when I’m dozing I’m listening, putting the pieces together in the preconscious, creative part of my brain. You want to murder men by sleeping with them. The stiff cock is the torero’s sword. There’s a lot of bullfighting imagery here.” Any reference to my own penis embarrassed me; moreover, I was reluctant to explain that my penis played little or no part under the partition. I had no desire (no vulgar desire I might have said) to obtain sexual release. In my eyes, my preference for service to others over personal pleasure mitigated my corrupt desires. Annie Schroeder was also a student at my school. I gave her a ride the fifty miles back to our campus. She told me she planned to be a model. I wondered out loud if she’d photograph differently than she looked. “Do you think I’m fat?” She poured scorn into the word. “On the contrary.” “I suppose O’Reilly’s instructed you to say that. Don’t play dumb. I know he thinks I have an eating disorder. But if so, I’m not like all those little Jewish girls at school fretting over their waistlines. I have a real reason to obsess over food.” “Oh?” I had the sensation I was giving a lift to a fire. And yes, her hair was red, twisted around her head in a beehive too old for her thin young face, the face of a soldier wearing a bloody bandage. “Didn’t O’Reilly tell you?” She looked at me searchingly. I took my eyes off the slippery road to look into hers, outlined in kohl, her lips painted almost black, her face a long slice of Persian melon. “Tell me what?” I asked guiltily. My general moral discomfort was so swollen it could be lanced at any moment by anyone. The rain lashing the four-lane highway was turning to sleet. Big trucks buffeted our little Volkswagen, bison rushing past our ladybug. “I’m sure he told you about my father.” “Just that he was a character out of Dostoevsky.” “Literature has nothing comparable,” she said grimly. “Tell me about him, won’t you?”