Grief

Passages

Every passage tagged with this emotion in the Vela corpus. Search the body text, narrow by source or register, click through to a book’s profile to see how the passage sits with the rest of the work.

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• From History of the Christian Church: The Complete Set of Eight Volumes (1858)

  His last days were clouded, like those of many faithful servants of God. The excess of work and care undermined his health. In 1562 he wrote to Fabricius at Coire: "I almost sink under the load of business and care, and feel so tired that I would ask the Lord to give me rest if it were not against his will." The pestilence of 1564 and 1565 brought him to the brink of the grave, and deprived him of his wife, three daughters, and his brother-in-law. He bore these heavy strokes with Christian resignation. In the same two fatal years he lost his dearest friends, Calvin, Blaurer, Gessner, Froschauer, Bibliander, Fabricius, Farel. He recovered, and was allowed to spend several more years in the service of Christ. His youngest daughter, Dorothea, took faithful and tender care of his health. He felt lonely and homesick, but continued to preach and to write with the aid of pastor Lavater, his colleague and son-in-law. He preached his last sermon on Pentecost, 1575. He assembled, Aug. 26, all the pastors of the city and professors of theology around his sick-bed, assured them of his perseverance in the true apostolic and orthodox doctrine, recited the Apostles’ Creed, and exhorted them to purity of life, harmony among themselves, and obedience to the magistrates. He warned them against intemperance, envy, and hatred, thanked them for their kindness, assured them of his love, and closed with a prayer of thanksgiving and some verses of the hymns of Prudentius. Then he took each by the hand and took leave of them with tears, as Paul did from the elders at Ephesus. A few weeks afterwards he died, after reciting several Psalms (51, 16, and 42), the Lord’s Prayer, and other prayers, peacefully, in the presence of his family, Sept. 17, 1575. He was buried in the Great Minster, at the side of his beloved wife and his dear friend, Peter Martyr. According to his wish, Rudolph Gwalter, Zwingli’s son-in-law and his adopted son, was unanimously elected his successor. Four of his successors were trained under his care and labored in his spirit. The writings of Bullinger are very numerous, mostly doctrinal and practical, adapted to the times, but of little permanent value. Scheuchzer numbers one hundred and fifty printed books of his. The Zürich City Library contains about one hundred, exclusive of translations and new editions. Many are extant only in manuscript. He wrote Latin commentaries on the New Testament (except the Apocalypse), numerous sermons on Isaiah, Jeremiah, Daniel, the Apocalypse. His Decades (five series of ten sermons each on the Decalogue, the Apostles’ Creed, and the Sacraments) were much esteemed and used in Holland and England. His work on the justifying grace of God was highly prized by Melanchthon. His History of the Swiss Reformation, written by his own hand, in two folio volumes, has been published in 1838–’40, in three volumes. His most important doctrinal work is the Second Helvetic Confession, which acquired symbolical authority.319

• From Augustine: Philosopher and Saint (2005)

  18 sraeT dna evoL—snoissefnoC :4 erutceL friendship. He simply recognizes that sex becomes a deeply ingrained habit that is hard to break (after a dozen years). Monica • Monica, the formidable Catholic mother: (cid:405) Monica is one of the strongest female characters in ancient literature and must have been a formidable parent. (cid:405) In Augustine’s youth, Monica’s voice is that of Catholic piety; she warns him against fornication and adultery in words that ultimately were not her own but God’s (2:3.7). • Monica’s dream (2:11.19–20): (cid:405) Monica dreams about her heretic son standing on the Rule of Faith and an angel telling her, “where you are, there he shall be” (3:11.19). (cid:405) Monica resists her son’s attempt to reinterpret her dream in support of his heresy (3:11.20). (This lady knows her mind, and it’s Catholic.) • Monica “on the outskirts of Babylon” (2:3.8): (cid:405) She has ambitions for her brilliant boy so she discourages him from marrying too young; she thereby deprives him of the most effective remedy against adolescent lust (2:3.8). (cid:405) She has him wait to be baptized until he’s gotten over his adolescent lusts (1:11.17). (cid:405) When he’s in his thirties and has climbed the ladder of success for a decade, she arranges an advantageous marriage for him to an underage Christian heiress—an arrangement that gets in the way of Augustine’s dedication to the spiritual life (6:6:13.23). • Monica’s tears: (cid:405) When she weeps over her heretic son, a priest promises her “The son of these tears cannot perish” (3:12.21). (cid:405) She weeps again when Augustine ditches her to leave for Italy (5:8.14–15). (cid:405) Her tears are an impure mixture of concern for her son’s soul and desire for his physical presence (“smother love”). (cid:405) Her tears are thus both a sign of God’s love predestining

• From Augustine: Philosopher and Saint (2005)

  Essential Reading Augustine, Confessions, books 3, 5, and 7. Brown, Augustine of Hippo, chapters 4–5, 8–11. Supplementary Reading Augustine, Confessions, book 1 (Augustine’s childhood and schooling). Bonner, St. Augustine of Hippo, chapters 4 and 5 (on Manichaeanism and Augustine’s writings against it). O’Meara, Young Augustine, chapters 4–10 (Augustine’s intellectual development from Manichaeanism to Platonism). Questions to Consider 1. Augustine portrays the search for Wisdom and Truth as central to his life. Does it make sense to live life like that? (Is it impractical? Or is that search already central to all our lives, even if we don’t realize it? Can such a search possibly make us happy?) 2. Does Augustine’s inward turn and glimpse of God (his movement “in then up”) seem like anything you’re familiar with? 15 16 sraeT dna evoL—snoissefnoC :4 erutceL Confessions—Love and Tears Lecture 4 The key focal points from this angle are the character of Augustine’s mother, Monica, and the death in Confessions 4 of the unnamed friend. T his lecture examines the Confessions from the emotional angle, looking at its portrait of love and loss and its diagnosis of human grief as a symptom of the soul’s wandering far from God. Objectives Upon completion of this lecture, you should be able to: • Describe the connection between philosophy and love in Augustine. • State Augustine’s theory about the nature of friendship. • Explain the connection between mortal loves and grief, according to Augustine. • Describe Augustine’s relationship with his concubine, distinguishing it both from marriage and from promiscuity. • Explain the saying “The son of these tears cannot perish.” • Summarize Monica’s importance in Augustine’s life. • Describe the emotional “feel” of the soul’s wanderings far from God, according to Augustine. Seeking and Finding as Themes in Augustine’s Life • Philosophy, which literally means “love of wisdom,” is for Augustine a form of seeking. • For ancient philosophers, all seeking was aimed at (cid:191) nding happiness. What Augustine wants as a Platonist philosopher is to (cid:191) nd a happiness that can’t be lost. • For Augustine, life in this world is a journey toward an eternal happiness with God.

• From Augustine: Philosopher and Saint (2005)

  Augustine to salvation and a sign that Monica’s own love for him needs to be puri(cid:191) ed. • Monica eventually follows her son to Italy: (cid:405) Her admiration and deference for Ambrose (6:1.1–2.2). (cid:405) When Augustine is converted and returns to the Church, Monica is nearby (8:12.30). (cid:405) In an astonishing instance of shared mysticism, she has, with Augustine, a vision of divine Wisdom at Ostia (9:10.23–26). (cid:405) The vision at Ostia symbolizes the ultimate unity of philosophy and faith, Reason and Authority—Augustine and Monica. • Augustine’s tears for Monica: (cid:405) She dies far from home but knows that the location of her body doesn’t matter (6:11.27). (cid:405) At her funeral, Augustine tries to restrain his grief but can’t—more impure tears (9:12.29–33). (cid:405) The narrative of the Confessions ends with Augustine’s hope that we who read it may pray for his parents’ souls (9:13.37). What It Feels like to Be a Soul on Its Journey • To sin is to (cid:192) ee the inescapable (omnipresent) Good. • Sin means losing what we most love. • Augustine the sinner feels grief rather than guilt. • Prayer and longing as the best state for the soul on its journey. (cid:374) Essential Reading Augustine, Confessions, books 2, 4, and 9; also 5:8.14–9.17. Supplementary Reading Brown, Augustine of Hippo, chapters 2 and 6. 19 20 sraeT dna evoL—snoissefnoC :4 erutceL Questions to Consider 1. Is Augustine right about how grief feels—and what it means? 2. Does Monica remind you of anybody you know?

• From Saint Thomas Aquinas Collection (22 Books) (2016)

  BEDE. Chorazin, Bethsaida, and Capernaum, Tiberias also which John mentions, are cities of Galilee situated on the shore of the lake of Gennesaret, which is called by the Evangelists the sea of Galilee or Tiberias. Our Lord thus mourns over these cities which after such great miracles and wonders repented not, and are worse than the Gentiles who break through the law of nature only, seeing that after despising the written law, they feared not to despise also the Son of God and His glory. Hence it follows, For if the mighty works had been done in Tyre and Sidon which have been done in you, they had a great while ago repented sitting in sackcloth and ashes, &c. By sackcloth, which is woven together from the hairs of goats, he signifies a sharp remembrance of previous sin. But by ashes, he hints at the consideration of death, by which we are reduced to dust. Again, by the sitting down, he implies the lowliness of our conscience. Now we have seen in this day the word of the Saviour fulfilled, since Chorazin and Bethsaida, though our Lord was present among them, believed not, and Tyre and Sidon were friendly both to David and Solomon, (1 Kings 5.) and afterwards believed in the disciples of Christ who preached the Gospel there. CHRYSOSTOM. (Hom. 38. in Matt.) Our Lord mourns over these cities for our example, because shedding tears and bitter lamentations over those who are insensible to grief, is no slight antidote, tending both to the correction of the insensible, and to the remedy and consolation of those who mourn over them. Again, He draws them over to what is good, not only by lamenting over them, but also by alarming them. Hence it follows, But it shall be more tolerable for Tyre and Sidon, &c. This we ought also to listen to. For not upon them alone, but upon us also, He hath passed sentence, if we receive not the guests who come to us, since He commanded them to shake off the very dust from their feet. And in another place: Now when our Lord had done many mighty works in Capernaum, and had Himself dwelt there, it seemed to be exalted above the other cities, but through unbelief fell to destruction. Hence it follows, And thou, Capernaum, which art exalted to heaven, shall be thrust down to hell; that, in fact, the judgment might be in proportion to the honour.

• From Cults Inside Out: How People Get In and Can Get Out (2014)

  1114 “Malvo Convicted of Sniper Murder,” CNN , December 18, 2003. 1115 Liptak, “Younger Sniper Suspect’s lawyers Press Insanity Defense.” 1116 Ibid. 1117 Ibid. 1118 “Young Sniper Is Sentenced to 6 Life Terms,” Associated Press , November 8, 2006. 1119 “Muhammad Questions Malvo about His Sanity,” Associated Press , May 24, 2006. 1120 “D.C. Sniper’s Execution Met with Grief, Bitterness,” CNN , November 11, 2009, http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/11/11/virginia.sniper.execution/ (accessed May 29, 2014). 1121 Josh White, “Lee Boy Malvo, 10 Years after D.C. Area Sniper Shootings: ‘I Was a Monster,’” Washington Post , September 29, 2012. 1122 Ian Sager and Scott Stump, “D.C. Sniper Lee Boyd Malvo: ‘I Was Sexually Abused by My Accomplice,’” NBC Today News , October 24, 2012. 1123 Hedda Nussbaum, interviewed by Larry King, Larry King Live, CNN , June 16, 2003. 1124 William Claiborne, “Testimony Opens in Simpson Trial with account of Physical Abuse,” Washington Post , February 1, 1995. 1125 Tina Turner and Kurt Loder, I, Tina: My Life Story (New York: It Books, 2010). 1126 Kelly Glasscock, “Speaker Discusses Personal Experiences in Abusive Marriage,” Kansas State Collegian (Manhattan, KS), March 15, 2000. 1127 Madeleine Landau Tobias and Janja Lalich, Captive Hears, Captive Minds (Alameda, CA: Hunter House, 1994), 17. 1128 Ibid. 1129 “Narcissistic Personality Disorder,” Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders Fourth Edition Text Revision (DSM-IV-TR) American Psychiatric Association (2000), http://www.psi.uba.ar/academica/carrerasdegrado/psicologia/sitios_catedras/practicas_profesionales/820_clinica_tr_personalidad_psicosis/material/dsm.pdf (accessed May 29, 2014). 1130 Robert Jay Lifton, Thought Reform and the Psychology of Totalism (Chapel Hill: University of North Carolina Press, 2012). 1131 Richard Ofshe, “Coercive Persuasion and Attitude Change,” Encyclopedia of Sociology , vol. 1 (New York: McMillan, 1992), 212–224. 1132 Edgar H. Schein, Coercive Persuasion: A Socio-psychological Analysis of the “Brainwashing” of American Civilian Prisoners by the Chinese Communists (New York: W. W. Norton, 1971). 1133 Margaret Singer, Cults in Our Midst (San Francisco, C CA: Jossey-Bass, 1996), 62. 1134 Ibid. 1135 Lifton, Thought Reform and the Psychology of Totalism , 419–437. 1136 Ofshe, “Coercive Persuasion and Attitude Change,” 212–224. 1137 Georg Feuerstein, The Yoga Tradition: Its History, Literature, Philosophy and Practice , 3rd ed. (Chino Valley, AZ: Hohm Press, 2001), 538. 1138 Robert Jay Lifton, “Cult Formation,” Harvard Mental Health Letter , February 1981. 1139 Maurice Davis, “You Can Go Home Again.”DVD. Directed by Elliot Bernstein, New York: Union for Reform Judaism, 1982. 1140 Robert Jay Lifton, Thought Reform and the Psychology of Totalism (Chapel Hill: University of North Carolina Press, 2012). 1141 Margaret Singer, Cults in Our Midst (San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass, 1996). 1142 Edgar H. Schein, Coercive Persuasion: A Socio-psychological Analysis of the “Brainwashing” of American Civilian Prisoners by the Chinese Communists (New York: W. W. Norton, 1971). 1143 Richard Ofshe, “Coercive Persuasion and Attitude Change,” Encyclopedia of Sociology , vol. 1 (New York: McMillan, 1992), 212–224. 1144 Robert B. Cialdini, Influence , rev. ed. (New York: HarperCollins, July 15, 1993). 1145 “Captive Minds: Hypnosis and Beyond.” Documentary. Directed by Pierre Lasry. Montreal: National Film Board of Canada, 1983. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQC0nFfp2nc&index=1&list=PL2D64B3CB3D593ACF (accessed May 22, 2014).

• From Cults Inside Out: How People Get In and Can Get Out (2014)

  Each member of the family shared his or her specific concerns regarding the group and how it had affected the young woman’s behavior. Her parents expressed profound sorrow concerning her recent decision to stop communicating with them. They explained that regardless of what she believed, they would always love her; therefore, they couldn’t understand why she had decided to cut them off. Her sibling talked about the many months that had gone by without any word from her and about how much she had been missed. In conclusion her husband explained that the young woman’s commitment to the group had seemed to supersede any practical consideration, including their marriage and the care of their small children. The young woman’s parents explained that since she had become involved with the Call of God, she had drifted farther and farther away from family and old friends. Her sibling said the same thing. The husband expressed fears of a marital breakdown and child neglect. He said that due to his disinterest in the group, his wife was increasingly treating him like an unwanted stranger rather than like a loving spouse. He explained that she was so busy with the group that she was increasingly overlooking their small children’s needs. The husband said that from his perspective, the situation was progressively becoming worse and that at times his wife seemed hostile and angry when he mentioned his concerns. After several hours of conversation about family concerns, the young woman became visibly agitated and protested that this was somehow an “attack” on her faith. I assured her that no one present wished to criticize her faith but rather the behavior of the group and the influence of its leader. At this point her mother emphasized that she respected her daughter’s faith and could see no conflict regarding religion within the framework of the expressed concerns. The young woman calmed down. I then reiterated that the focus of my work as a consultant was group behavior, not religious beliefs. We discussed some basic elemental issues concerning Jesus and the New Testament. For example, Jesus once said, “Many shall come in my name, saying, I am Christ; and shall deceive many.”764 We agreed that, according to this scripture, the claim that someone speaks for God may be false. According to the New Testament, Jesus also warned, “Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.”765 He then further explained, “By their fruits ye shall know them.”766 We discussed this process of discernment based on a careful examination of the person’s fruits. How did they affect people? What did they produce? How did they behave? Could they be a wolf in disguise? I asked the young woman to become a fruit inspector based on this biblically mandated process, and she agreed.

• From Cults Inside Out: How People Get In and Can Get Out (2014)

  Ron Hubbard died at the age of seventy-four in 1986, he reportedly “left behind a $640 million dollar fortune.”871 According to the coroner’s report, Hubbard apparently took an antianxiety drug hydroxyzine (Vistaril); his assistants reportedly said that this was “only one of many psychiatric and pain medications Hubbard ingested over the years.”872 This is an interesting detail considering that Scientology, as ordained by its founder, is generally an outspoken critic of psychiatry, psychiatrists, psychiatric medications, and mental health professionals. 1995—The Death of Lisa McPherson On December 5, 1995, Lisa McPherson, a longtime member of Scientology, died under strange circumstances. McPherson had been staying at Scientology’s Fort Harrison Hotel in Clearwater, Florida, for seventeen days immediately preceding her death. When Scientologists brought McPherson to a hospital ER in Port Richey, she had already stopped breathing and had no heartbeat. The young woman was also described as gaunt, and her body was bruised.873 According to Scientology, McPherson had checked into the hotel for “rest and relaxation” and “suddenly fell ill.”874 The coroner initially concluded that there was no way McPherson “suddenly fell ill.”875 Lisa McPherson had been a devoted Scientologist since the age of eighteen. She’d moved from Texas to Florida in 1994 to be closer to Scientology’s headquarters in Clearwater. She worked for a Scientology-linked company and was committed to the church’s training. In 1995 McPherson reached the state of “clear,” but only a month later, after a minor traffic accident, it appears that she had a mental breakdown. After getting out of her car, McPherson took off her clothes in the street. She told a paramedic, “I need help. I need to talk to someone.” The young woman was then taken to a nearby hospital and received a psychiatric evaluation, which is the equivalent of a sacrilege to Scientologists. McPherson subsequently signed out of the hospital against the doctor’s advice.876 It is from this point that the situation seemed to devolve under the control of Scientology. McPherson was brought to the Fort Harrison Hotel and put under the constant watch of Scientologists there. This included feeding her, doling out “valerian root capsules,” administering “herbal sleeping preparations,” and giving McPherson various dietary supplements consistent with Scientology’s beliefs. Copious notes concerning McPherson’s condition and treatment were taken each day.877 According to those log entries, she was “blabbering” and “shaking.” And at times she spoke “incoherently for hour after hour.” McPherson “refused to eat” and was at times “violent,” “combative,” and/or “confused.” And she experienced “difficulties even to swallow a bit of water.”878 A Scientologist “cut her nails” to “reduce the risk of scratches,” but the Scientologists involved with her care didn’t take McPherson back to the hospital for more than two weeks. The two crucial last days of log entries were destroyed.

• From Cults Inside Out: How People Get In and Can Get Out (2014)

  Jeffs has purged perhaps as many as one thousand FLDS members over loyalty issues since his incarceration.188 In one of his most bizarre edicts from prison, Jeffs said fifteen remaining loyal men were “appointed…procreators” for the entire FLDS community, while others should be seen as simply “caretakers.” After Jeffs’ pronouncement was read, three hundred FLDS members walked out of the meeting in protest.189 Meanwhile, additional prosecutions of key polygamist leaders and lawsuits have been filed against the FLDS. The US Department of Justice has filed a major civil rights lawsuit, accusing FLDS-dominated police and utility companies in Colorado City and Hildale of religious bias against nonmembers.190 The FLDS appears to be gradually dissolving through a death by a thousand cuts. Dr. Bruce Perry is the senior fellow of the Child Trauma Academy in Houston and an adjunct professor at the Feinberg School of Medicine of Northwestern University in Chicago. He has researched the impact of trauma, specifically trauma concerning children in groups called “cults.” Perry treated the children released from the Davidian compound in Waco before its fiery end, and Texas authorities also consulted him regarding the minor children of polygamists—minor children taken into custody. In an interview the researcher explained that children raised in such an environment may not understand their situation and may simply think, “My parents are right.” Perry, however, noted the state’s compelling legal interest. “You cannot have sex with 12-year-olds.”191 2005—Children of God (“The Family”) Suicides of Child Abuse Victims In January 2005 Ricky Rodriquez stabbed to death his former nanny, fifty-one-year-old Angela Smith, in Tucson, Arizona. The twenty-nine-year-old then drove to Blythe, California, where he committed suicide in his car. Rodriquez and Smith both had ties to a notorious religious sect known as the Children of God (COG), which later changed its name to Family International.192 Before Rodriquez killed himself, he made a video explaining his actions. In what would become his final testimony, the young man recalled years of sexual abuse and parental alienation, which he endured as a child growing up in the COG. His wife told the media that Smith “was one of his nannies and she sexually abused him.”193 Rodriquez explained in his video, “It happened to thousands of us—some worse than others. My mother is going to pay for that. If I don’t get her…I will keep hunting her in the next life.”194 “How can you do that to kids? How can you do that to kids and sleep at night?” he asked.195 Rodriquez’s mother, Karen Zerby, was the wife of David Berg, the founder of the COG. Berg, who became Rodriquez’s stepfather, was known to his followers as “Moses David, God’s Endtime Prophet.” He supposedly received revelation “directly from heaven.”196 Witnesses, however, said Berg was a pedophile and voracious sexual predator who molested children, including members of his own family.

• From Cults Inside Out: How People Get In and Can Get Out (2014)

  You have absorbed this new, you know, identity that they’ve given you. You’re just surviving. You’re not even doing that, really. You’re just living while everything else is going on around you.”312 Elizabeth Smart recovered and like Patty Hearst successfully moved on with her life. She testified in court against Brian Mitchell, describing her time with him as “nine months of hell.”313 Confronting her former captor in court, Smart told Mitchell, “No matter what you do you will never affect me again.” She saw letting go of her hate as a meaningful component of her recovery. “It’s just not worth holding on to that kind of hate; it can ruin your life. Nine months of my life had been taken from me, and I wasn’t going to give them any more of my time,” she told the press.314 Brian Mitchell was convicted of kidnapping and sentenced to life in prison. Mitchell’s accomplice, Wanda Barzee, received a fifteen-year prison term in a plea arrangement with prosecutors. She cooperated in their case against Mitchell.315 In 2012 twenty-four-year-old Elizabeth Smart married Matthew Gilmour in Hawaii. At the time the bride was a senior attending Brigham Young University.316 2008—1 Mind Ministries and Child Abuse Death The remains of eighteen-month-old Javon Thompson were found in a suitcase behind a Philadelphia home in the spring of 2008. A religious cult, including the child’s mother, Ria Ramkissoon, had beaten and starved the baby to death. At the time of her son’s death in the spring of 2006, Ramkissoon was nineteen years old.317 Baltimore police identified the cult group as 1 Mind Ministries, led by Toni Ellsberry, age forty, known to her followers as “Queen Antoinette.” Ramkissoon, Ellsberry, and three other members of the group were charged with first-degree murder. Ramkissoon was held in a psychiatric ward.318 Ria Ramkissoon’s family insisted that the young woman was under undue influence. “She had no control over that situation at all,” stepfather Craig Newton said. Ramkissoon’s mother agreed. “My daughter was a victim, just like my grandson.”319 She explained that her daughter had been coerced. “The leader of the cult—Queen Antoinette—made the decision. She was the one that said, ‘Do not feed him,’ and would beat Javon and put him in a back room.” According to her mother, Ria Ramkissoon had undergone a radical transformation. Once “a lively, jolly person,” she had changed to “an empty shell.” Family communication became largely nonexistent for two years.320 Describing her daughter as “brainwashed,” Ramkissoon’s mother said after her arrest, “I was shocked. I didn’t even recognize her voice…It’s not the same person.”321 The group 1 Mind Ministries never had more than a dozen members.322 And like MOVE of Philadelphia, the cult lived in a single residence. At times the behavior of the group drew the attention of neighbors. Nearby residents in West Baltimore reportedly complained about “shouting and screaming” coming from the home. “You’d hear it in the middle of the night—loud noises and chanting.

• From The Decameron (1353)

  The lady, seeing and hearing this, first blamed him for having, to give a woman to eat, slain such a falcon, and after inwardly much commended the greatness of his soul, which poverty had not availed nor might anywise avail to abate. Then, being put out of all hope of having the falcon and fallen therefore in doubt of her son's recovery, she took her leave and returned, all disconsolate, to the latter, who, before many days had passed, whether for chagrin that he could not have the bird or for that his disorder was e'en fated to bring him to that pass, departed this life, to the inexpressible grief of his mother. After she had abidden awhile full of tears and affliction, being left very rich and yet young, she was more than once urged by her brothers to marry again, and albeit she would fain not have done so, yet, finding herself importuned and calling to mind Federigo's worth and his last magnificence, to wit, the having slain such a falcon for her entertainment, she said to them, 'I would gladly, an it liked you, abide as I am; but, since it is your pleasure that I take a [second] husband, certes I will never take any other, an I have not Federigo degli Alberighi.' Whereupon her brothers, making mock of her, said 'Silly woman that thou art, what is this thou sayest? How canst thou choose him, seeing he hath nothing in the world?' 'Brothers mine,' answered she, 'I know very well that it is as you say; but I would liefer have a man that lacketh of riches than riches that lack of a man.' Her brethren, hearing her mind and knowing Federigo for a man of great merit, poor though he was, gave her, with all her wealth, to him, even as she would; and he, seeing himself married to a lady of such worth and one whom he had loved so dear and exceeding rich, to boot, became a better husband of his substance and ended his days with her in joy and solace." THE TENTH STORY [Day the Fifth] PIETRO DI VINCIOLO GOETH TO SUP ABROAD, WHEREUPON HIS WIFE LETTETH FETCH HER A YOUTH TO KEEP HER COMPANY, AND HER HUSBAND RETURNING, UNLOOKED FOR, SHE HIDETH HER GALLANT UNDER A HEN-COOP. PIETRO TELLETH HER HOW THERE HAD BEEN FOUND IN THE HOUSE OF ONE ARCOLANO, WITH WHOM HE WAS TO HAVE SUPPED, A YOUNG MAN BROUGHT IN BY HIS WIFE, AND SHE BLAMETH THE LATTER. PRESENTLY, AN ASS, BY MISCHANCE, SETTETH FOOT ON THE FINGERS OF HIM WHO IS UNDER THE COOP AND HE ROARETH OUT, WHEREUPON PIETRO RUNNETH THITHER AND ESPYING HIM, DISCOVERETH HIS WIFE'S UNFAITH, BUT ULTIMATELY COMETH TO AN ACCORD WITH HER FOR HIS OWN LEWD ENDS

• From Under the Banner of Heaven (2003)

  “I turned to go and see if maybe she was at the neighbors’,” he explained later, “and I noticed some blood near the door on a light switch.” And then he saw Brenda in the kitchen, sprawled on the floor in a lake of blood. Upon calling Brenda’s name and getting no reply, he knelt beside her and put his hand on her shoulder. “I touched her,” he said, “and her body felt cool. . . . There was blood on her face and pretty much everywhere.” Allen reached for the kitchen phone, which was resting on the floor next to his wife, and dialed 911 before he realized there was no dial tone. The cord had been yanked from the wall. As he walked to their bedroom to try the extension in there, he glanced into the baby’s room and saw Erica slumped over in her crib in an odd position, motionless. She was wearing nothing but a diaper, which was soaked with blood, as were the blankets surrounding her. Allen hurried to the master bedroom only to find the phone in there out of order, as well, so he went next door to a neighbor’s apartment, where he was finally able to call for help. He described the carnage to the 911 dispatcher, then called his mother. While he waited for the police to show up, Allen returned to his apartment. “I went to Brenda and I prayed,” he said. “And then as I stood, I surveyed the situation a little more, and realized that there had been a grim struggle.” For the first time he noticed that the blood wasn’t confined to the kitchen: it smeared the living room walls, the floor, the doors, the curtains. It was obvious to him who was responsible. He’d known the moment he’d first seen Brenda on the kitchen floor. The cops took Allen down to the American Fork police station and grilled him throughout the night. They assumed he was the murderer; the husband usually is. By and by, however, Allen convinced them that the prime suspect was actually the oldest of his five brothers, Ron Lafferty. Ron had just returned to Utah County after spending most of the previous three months traveling around the West with another Lafferty brother, Dan. An APB went out for Ron’s car, a pale green 1974 Impala station wagon with Utah plates. The slayings appeared to be ritualistic, which drew uncommon attention from the news media and put the public on edge. By the next evening the Lafferty killings led news broadcasts across the state. On Thursday, July 26, a headline on the front page of the Salt Lake Tribune announced, WIDESPREAD SEARCH UNDER WAY FOR AMERICAN FORK MURDER SUSPECT By Mike Gorrell, Tribune Staff Writer And Ann Shields, Tribune Correspondent AMERICAN FORK —Lawmen in Utah and surrounding states searched Wednesday for a former Highland, Utah County, city councilman and religious fundamentalist charged with the Tuesday murders of his sister-in-law and her 15-month-old baby.

• From Augustine: A New Biography (2005)

  We lament and grieve that this particular man, this catechumen, has passed away. And so we encourage you, brothers, to think that no one of us is certain that he will be alive tomorrow. Run to grace, change your ways: let this be a caution for you. Who was healthier than he was? Who was sturdier of body? Suddenly he’s dead. He was healthy, now he’s gone, and would that he were only gone and not truly dead. What am I going to say, brothers? Shall I be soft-hearted and say that catechumens go where the faithful go? Should we go so far in deferring to the griefs of men that we argue against the gospel? We can’t, my brothers. We must run while we are alive, so we won’t be mourned for when we are really and truly dead. If we took vigorous action for the sacraments for the living, as much as we worry about the graves of the dead, no one in his right mind would weep: because if he did, it would be a carnal feeling that was coming out. We shouldn’t weep for the one who has won better things, left behind the temptations of the world, slipped free of anxiety, secure in Christ, not fearing the devil as adversary, not shying from a man who might curse him. Maybe that Lazarus in the gospel wasn’t really buried, when the dogs licked his wounds: for god didn’t talk about his burial. It was only said of him that when he died, he was taken to the bosom of Abraham. It wasn’t said that he was buried. The man who was condemned for his hunger when he was alive, perhaps when he died he was cast out unburied. And nevertheless he was taken up by angels to the bosom of Abraham. “He died,” it says, “but the rich man was also buried.” [Luke 16.22] What did it profit his soul in the underworld to have a marbled sepulchre, thirsting for a drop from a fingertip and not getting it? I don’t want to say more, my brothers: it’s enough to frighten you this much, to keep from adding to the grief of some of our brothers who are shaken by this event. For we shouldn’t have to say these things, but we are forced to encourage and admonish you.

• From The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: A 25-Year Landmark Study (2000)

  I couldn’t believe my ears. A student at one of the most prestigious law schools in the country felt so removed from her father that she could not ask his help? The story has a sequel. Later she told me that after class that very day she called him and discussed her needs. He was grumpy and argued with her, maintaining that he was no longer legally obligated to support her, but he finally agreed to provide her with the financial help that she needed. One of the interesting trends in American culture over the last ten years has been the growth of the men’s movement in which men acknowledge their important roles as fathers and protectors of their families. However, in none of the many publications by the fathers’ groups are fathers urged to support their children in college. Rather, they are encouraged in these publications to spend time with young children. The needs of older children are unacknowledged. At the same time, the cost of a university education has risen steeply. It’s become much harder for young people to work their way through college. It may soon be impossible. A recent study shows that fewer children of divorce even apply to the nation’s top colleges.8 At the present time and in the foreseeable future, children from divorced families end up less well educated than their peers coming from intact homes. This is a dramatic example of the children’s lament that they are the ones paying for their parents’ divorce. NINETEENPicking Up the Pieces, One by OneAs I prepared to meet Billy for our twenty-five-year follow-up interview, I wondered if life had gotten any easier for him. I thought about the isolated life that he had led after his mother remarried and how at age sixteen he had moved out to live alone in his father’s house. Were the wounds of feeling unwanted still open? Had he found any relationships to sustain and heal him? These questions swirled in my head as we sat down in the bakery shop, but nothing prepared me for the suffering he had experienced since our last meeting. Two years earlier, the local newspaper reported that Billy’s father had died in the crash of a small airplane that he was piloting. I wrote Billy a brief condolence note and he called me immediately to thank me for my interest. He cried bitterly, almost clinging to the connection with me over the phone. Between sobs he said that he knew his father had not been there for him as a child or as an adult. “But I never gave up hoping that someday he would take an interest in me, even if I wasn’t the son he wanted. Now there’s nothing more to hope for. I lost the father I had and I lost the father I never had.” In rising distress he added, “My mother refused to come with me to the funeral. I hardly knew anyone there and no one knew me.”

• From Augustine: A New Biography (2005)

  I’ve said my piece, as best I could if not as best I should, more or less. I ask and beseech—I wish I could do it face-to-face—that you consider my tears and think about who you are and what you profess and what you are doing. Think about the sight of that city from which people are being dragged to punishment—think of the lamenting of mothers, wives, children, relatives. Think how embarrassing it is to have to come home after being tortured, with the sight of wounds and scars refreshing the pain and the groaning. When you consider all these things, think of god first of all, and think of the good name of men and friendly good will and your close connection with us, and look for your praise in forgiving rather than in punishing. And all this has to do with things where people have confessed what they have done. Forgiving them out of regard for the law is something I praise without hesitation. But think how cruel it is to go after the innocent and summon into a serious criminal trial those whom it is clear had nothing to do with the crime. If they are cleared, think how much hostility will turn on the accusers…. May the highest god protect you and conserve you to be the guardian and the ornament of his law.354 Augustine’s reply355 to this made much of the fact that Nectarius had waited eight months to reply to Augustine’s original letter, but failed to see the dignity and measured calm that Nectarius was careful to display. (If Nectarius had traveled, as some think, to Ravenna in the interim to defend his townsmen against the complaints that Bishop Possidius was making there, the delay in replying to Augustine would have been perfectly understandable.) He mocks Nectarius for speaking of patriotism when the real issue is terrorism and Nectarius’s condoning of it. The correspondence breaks off here, as far as we know, with Nectarius still trying to establish a community of interest between two gentlemen and Augustine still trying to turn the occasion into a debate between a “pagan” and a Christian.356

• From History of the Christian Church: The Complete Set of Eight Volumes (1858)

  "Dearest Philip," he wrote to Melanchthon, April 23, "we have at last reached our Sinai; but we shall make a Sion of this Sinai, and here I shall build three tabernacles, one to the Psalms, one to the Prophets, and one to Aesop .... It is a very attractive place, and just made for study; only your absence grieves me. My whole heart and soul are stirred and incensed against the Turks and Mohammed, when I see this intolerable raging of the Devil. Therefore I shall pray and cry to God, nor rest until I know that my cry is heard in heaven. The sad condition of our German empire distresses you more." Then he describes to him his residence in the "empire of birds." In other letters he humorously speaks of the cries of the ravens and jackdaws in the forest, and compares them to a troop of kings and grandees, schoolmen and sophists, holding Diet, sending their mandates through the air, and arranging a crusade against the fields of wheat and barley, hoping for heroic deeds and grand victories. He could hear all the sophists and papists chattering around him from early morning, and was delighted to see how valiantly these knights of the Diet strutted about and wiped their bills, but he hoped that before long they would be spitted on a hedge-stake. He was glad to hear the first nightingale, even as early as April. With such innocent sports of his fancy he tried to chase away the anxious cares which weighed upon him. It is from this retreat that he wrote that charming letter to his boy Hans, describing a beautiful garden full of goodly apples, pears, and plums, and merry children on little horses with golden bridles and silver saddles, and promising him and his playmates a fine fairing if he prayed, and learned his lessons.989 Joy and grief, life and death, are closely joined in this changing world. On the 5th of June, Luther received the sad news of the pious death of his father, which occurred at Mansfeld, May 29. When he first heard of his sickness, he wrote to him from Wittenberg, Feb. 15, 1530: "It would be a great joy to me if only you and my mother could come to us. My Kate, and all, pray for it with tears. We would do our best to make you comfortable." At the report of his end he said to Dietrich, "So my father, too, is dead," took his Psalter, and retired to his room. On the same day he wrote to Melanchthon that all he was, or possessed, he had received from God through his beloved father.

• From Fragments (7)

  For his disgrace had penetrated Far into me, my soul to blight: To see my townsmen so elated At intermittent gossip's spite. But, if my song delighted ever Thy heart, O goddess, hear my prayer : From griefs, from evils us deliver; Give them to Night away to bear. SAPPHO'S DAUGHTER CLEIS (9) For me a pretty child I claim, -^ With form like flowers of gold. Beloved Cleis is her name. Admired by young and old. Were lovely Lydia all my own, It could not for her loss atone. THE FAIREST THING IN ALL CREATION (lO) Some think the fairest thing in all creation To be of horse or foot an armed host ; For battle-ships some have most admiration, But I my heart's beloved do cherish most. And 'tis not hard to follow me for any; For queenly Helen, fairest of the fair, 22 Sappho Although surveying mortal beauties many, Did most of all for her famed lover care. Forgetting her dear parents and her daughter, She followed him who glorious Troy destroyed. Far from her friends and native land he brought her, By vanity and patoionate love decoyed. For easily is woman tempted ever When lightly she considers what is near. E'en so, my Anactoria, you never Remember her who still today is here. But I her lovely foot-fall hear more gladly. Prefer the brightness of her gleaming eye To all the din of chariots rushing madly. To Lydian armoured foot-men's battle-cry. I I know to men the best cannot be granted: 'Tis better far to ask a share of that Which once was shared, to be with this contented, Than, vainly reaching higher, to forget. PARTING FROM A GIRL FRIEND (II) My heart is broken, silent my song. In sad dejection for death I long: She, mournfully weeping, did from me part. 23 Lyric Songs of the Greeks § And often thus she me would address: " Ah, me! what misery does us oppress! To leave thee, my Sappho, it breaks my heart." Then her I answered, gently caressing: " Depart from me with my heart-felt blessing. Remember me kindly, thou knowest my love. " Far more than of parting think thou rather Of the beautiful hours we have spent together. Remember these aye, by the gods above. " For many wreaths of violets blue, Of basil-thyme, and of roses too. Thy tokens of love, hast thou given to me. " And fragrant garlands of flowers of spring Thou wovest and to me often didst bring, About me entwining them tenderly. " And costly salves of sweet fragrance rare. And royal balsam, to soften thy hair, Didst thou on thy head pour frequently." THE BRIDE OF SARDIS (12) In Lydia's golden city, gleaming Sardis, With beauteous Arignota e*er my heart is. And Atthis, oft she thinks of thee. 24 Sappho She thinks of us of old together living, Of how she, godlike honor to thee giving, Did hear thy song writh greatest glee.

• From Sense and Sensibility (1811)

  Lady Middleton, though in the middle of a rubber, on being informed that Marianne was unwell, was too polite to object for a moment to her wish of going away, and making over her cards to a friend, they departed as soon as the carriage could be found. Scarcely a word was spoken during their return to Berkeley Street. Marianne was in a silent agony, too much oppressed even for tears; but as Mrs. Jennings was luckily not come home, they could go directly to their own room, where hartshorn restored her a little to herself. She was soon undressed and in bed, and as she seemed desirous of being alone, her sister then left her, and while she waited the return of Mrs. Jennings, had leisure enough for thinking over the past. That some kind of engagement had subsisted between Willoughby and Marianne she could not doubt, and that Willoughby was weary of it, seemed equally clear; for however Marianne might still feed her own wishes, _she_ could not attribute such behaviour to mistake or misapprehension of any kind. Nothing but a thorough change of sentiment could account for it. Her indignation would have been still stronger than it was, had she not witnessed that embarrassment which seemed to speak a consciousness of his own misconduct, and prevented her from believing him so unprincipled as to have been sporting with the affections of her sister from the first, without any design that would bear investigation. Absence might have weakened his regard, and convenience might have determined him to overcome it, but that such a regard had formerly existed she could not bring herself to doubt. As for Marianne, on the pangs which so unhappy a meeting must already have given her, and on those still more severe which might await her in its probable consequence, she could not reflect without the deepest concern. Her own situation gained in the comparison; for while she could _esteem_ Edward as much as ever, however they might be divided in future, her mind might be always supported. But every circumstance that could embitter such an evil seemed uniting to heighten the misery of Marianne in a final separation from Willoughby—in an immediate and irreconcilable rupture with him. CHAPTER XXIX. Before the housemaid had lit their fire the next day, or the sun gained any power over a cold, gloomy morning in January, Marianne, only half dressed, was kneeling against one of the window-seats for the sake of all the little light she could command from it, and writing as fast as a continual flow of tears would permit her. In this situation, Elinor, roused from sleep by her agitation and sobs, first perceived her; and after observing her for a few moments with silent anxiety, said, in a tone of the most considerate gentleness, “Marianne, may I ask—?” “No, Elinor,” she replied, “ask nothing; you will soon know all.”

• From Sense and Sensibility (1811)

  Many were the tears shed by them in their last adieus to a place so much beloved. “Dear, dear Norland!” said Marianne, as she wandered alone before the house, on the last evening of their being there; “when shall I cease to regret you!—when learn to feel a home elsewhere!—Oh! happy house, could you know what I suffer in now viewing you from this spot, from whence perhaps I may view you no more!—And you, ye well-known trees!—but you will continue the same.—No leaf will decay because we are removed, nor any branch become motionless although we can observe you no longer!—No; you will continue the same; unconscious of the pleasure or the regret you occasion, and insensible of any change in those who walk under your shade!—But who will remain to enjoy you?” CHAPTER VI. The first part of their journey was performed in too melancholy a disposition to be otherwise than tedious and unpleasant. But as they drew towards the end of it, their interest in the appearance of a country which they were to inhabit overcame their dejection, and a view of Barton Valley as they entered it gave them cheerfulness. It was a pleasant fertile spot, well wooded, and rich in pasture. After winding along it for more than a mile, they reached their own house. A small green court was the whole of its demesne in front; and a neat wicket gate admitted them into it. As a house, Barton Cottage, though small, was comfortable and compact; but as a cottage it was defective, for the building was regular, the roof was tiled, the window shutters were not painted green, nor were the walls covered with honeysuckles. A narrow passage led directly through the house into the garden behind. On each side of the entrance was a sitting room, about sixteen feet square; and beyond them were the offices and the stairs. Four bed-rooms and two garrets formed the rest of the house. It had not been built many years and was in good repair. In comparison of Norland, it was poor and small indeed!—but the tears which recollection called forth as they entered the house were soon dried away. They were cheered by the joy of the servants on their arrival, and each for the sake of the others resolved to appear happy. It was very early in September; the season was fine, and from first seeing the place under the advantage of good weather, they received an impression in its favour which was of material service in recommending it to their lasting approbation.

• From Sense and Sensibility (1811)

  So acutely did Mrs. Dashwood feel this ungracious behaviour, and so earnestly did she despise her daughter-in-law for it, that, on the arrival of the latter, she would have quitted the house for ever, had not the entreaty of her eldest girl induced her first to reflect on the propriety of going, and her own tender love for all her three children determined her afterwards to stay, and for their sakes avoid a breach with their brother. Elinor, this eldest daughter, whose advice was so effectual, possessed a strength of understanding, and coolness of judgment, which qualified her, though only nineteen, to be the counsellor of her mother, and enabled her frequently to counteract, to the advantage of them all, that eagerness of mind in Mrs. Dashwood which must generally have led to imprudence. She had an excellent heart;—her disposition was affectionate, and her feelings were strong; but she knew how to govern them: it was a knowledge which her mother had yet to learn; and which one of her sisters had resolved never to be taught. Marianne’s abilities were, in many respects, quite equal to Elinor’s. She was sensible and clever; but eager in everything: her sorrows, her joys, could have no moderation. She was generous, amiable, interesting: she was everything but prudent. The resemblance between her and her mother was strikingly great. Elinor saw, with concern, the excess of her sister’s sensibility; but by Mrs. Dashwood it was valued and cherished. They encouraged each other now in the violence of their affliction. The agony of grief which overpowered them at first, was voluntarily renewed, was sought for, was created again and again. They gave themselves up wholly to their sorrow, seeking increase of wretchedness in every reflection that could afford it, and resolved against ever admitting consolation in future. Elinor, too, was deeply afflicted; but still she could struggle, she could exert herself. She could consult with her brother, could receive her sister-in-law on her arrival, and treat her with proper attention; and could strive to rouse her mother to similar exertion, and encourage her to similar forbearance. Margaret, the other sister, was a good-humored, well-disposed girl; but as she had already imbibed a good deal of Marianne’s romance, without having much of her sense, she did not, at thirteen, bid fair to equal her sisters at a more advanced period of life. CHAPTER II. Mrs. John Dashwood now installed herself mistress of Norland; and her mother and sisters-in-law were degraded to the condition of visitors. As such, however, they were treated by her with quiet civility; and by her husband with as much kindness as he could feel towards anybody beyond himself, his wife, and their child. He really pressed them, with some earnestness, to consider Norland as their home; and, as no plan appeared so eligible to Mrs. Dashwood as remaining there till she could accommodate herself with a house in the neighbourhood, his invitation was accepted.