Grief
Grief is love that has lost its object and refuses to stop being love. The body keeps a place set; the throat catches on the wrong name; whole rooms reorganize themselves around an absence. Vela treats grief as a primary emotion — not a stage to move through, not a problem to resolve — and reads it through the writers who have stayed long enough with it to know its weather.
Working definition · The weight of absence; love continuing without its object or without resolution.
5254 passages · 6 Vela essays · in 1 cluster
Vela’s read on this emotion
Grief is one of the emotions Vela reads most patiently, because the writers who have stayed long enough with it are the ones worth following.
The reading is primarily through memoir. Joan Didion's *The Year of Magical Thinking*, written after the sudden death of her husband, is the modern reference for grief inside the marriage. Helen Macdonald's *H Is for Hawk* reads grief for a father through a year of training a goshawk. Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie writes about her father's death in *Notes on Grief*. Anne Carson's *Nox* — a memorial for her brother — is grief built as an accordion-folded book of fragments, photographs, and a translation of Catullus 101. Alongside the memoir, the fiction that holds an absence at its center — Marilynne Robinson's *Gilead*, Toni Morrison's *Beloved* — names the same weight in a different form.
Grief also runs through the contemplative inheritance. The Psalms keep an unembarrassed register of lament. The elegiac tradition — from Greek elegy through Milton's *Lycidas* through W. S. Merwin — gives grief a verse form. The Japanese practice of *kintsugi*, repairing broken pottery with gold so the breakage shows, names a posture toward repair that doesn't pretend the break didn't happen.
Grief is not the same as sadness, and it is not the same as yearning. Sadness can arrive without a specific absent object; grief has one. Yearning faces forward, toward what might still arrive; grief faces backward, toward what won't return. The work of grief is reorganization around the absence, not movement past it.
What is intentionally light here is the stage-model literature. *On Grief* — the slower companion essay in the magazine — is a reading, not a model: how the word lives in language, in the passages Vela returns to, and in the pairings between passage and figurative image.
Study and magazine
Long-form guide in the magazine
*On Grief* — the slower companion essay. How the word lives in language, in the testimony Vela reads, and in the pairings between passage and figurative image. Not a stage model; a reading.
Read the guidePassages
Every passage tagged with this emotion in the Vela corpus. Search the body text, narrow by source or register, click through to a book’s profile to see how the passage sits with the rest of the work.
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5254 tagged passages
From Amplified Holy Bible (2015)
8 “But you will receive power and ability when the Holy Spirit comes upon you; and you will be My witnesses [to tell people about Me] both in Jerusalem and in all Judea, and Samaria, and even to the ends of the earth.” The Ascension 9 And after He said these things, He was caught up as they looked on, and a cloud took Him up out of their sight. 10 While they were looking intently into the sky as He was going, two men in white clothing suddenly stood beside them, 11 who said, “Men of Galilee, why do you stand looking into the sky? This [same] Jesus, who has been taken up from you into heaven, will return in just the same way as you have watched Him go into heaven.” The Upper Room 12 Then the disciples returned to Jerusalem from the mount called Olivet (Olive Grove), which is near Jerusalem, [only] a Sabbath day’s journey (less than one mile) away. 13 When they had entered the city, they went upstairs to the upper room where they were staying [indefinitely]; that is, Peter, and John and [his brother] James, and Andrew, Philip and Thomas, Bartholomew (Nathanael) and Matthew, c James the son of Alphaeus, and Simon the Zealot, and Judas (Thaddaeus) the son of James. 14 All these with one mind and one purpose were continually devoting themselves to prayer, [waiting together] along with the women, and Mary the mother of Jesus, and with His brothers. 15 Now on one of these days Peter stood up among the brothers and sisters (a gathering of about a hundred and twenty believers was there) and he said, 16 “Brothers and sisters, it was necessary that the Scripture be fulfilled, which the Holy Spirit foretold by the lips of David [king of Israel] about Judas [Iscariot], who acted as guide to those who arrested Jesus. 17 “For he (Judas) was counted among us and received his share [by divine allotment] in this ministry.” 18 (Now Judas Iscariot d acquired a piece of land [indirectly] with the [money paid him as a] reward for his treachery, and falling headlong, his body burst open in the middle and all his intestines poured out.
From Lady Chatterley's Lover (1928)
"Oh no! Never! He never said he hated anything. He just made a funny face. He was one of those who wouldn't take care: like some of the first lads as went off so blithe to the war and got killed right away. He wasn't really wezzle-brained. But he wouldn't care. I used to say to him: 'You care for nought nor nobody!' But he did! The way he sat when my first baby was born, motionless, and the sort of fatal eyes he looked at me with, when it was over! I had a bad time, but I had to comfort _him_. 'It's all right, lad, it's all right!' I said to him. And he gave me a look, and that funny sort of smile. He never said anything. But I don't believe he had any right pleasure with me at nights after; he'd never really let himself go. I used to say to him: 'Oh, let thysen go, lad!'--I'd talk broad to him sometimes. And he said nothing. But he wouldn't let himself go, or he couldn't. He didn't want me to have any more children. I always blamed his mother, for letting him in th' room. He'd no right t'ave been there. Men makes so much more of things than they should, once they start brooding." "Did he mind so much?" said Connie in wonder. "Yes, he sort of couldn't take it for natural, all that pain. And it spoilt his pleasure in his bit of married love. I said to him: If I don't care, why should you? It's my look-out!--But all he'd ever say was: It's not right!" "Perhaps he was too sensitive," said Connie. "That's it! When you come to know men, that's how they are: too sensitive in the wrong place. And I believe, unbeknown to himself, he hated the pit, just hated it. He looked so quiet when he was dead, as if he'd got free. He was such a nice looking lad. It just broke my heart to see him, so still and pure looking, as if he'd _wanted_ to die. Oh, it broke my heart, that did. But it was the pit." She wept a few bitter tears, and Connie wept more. It was a warm spring day, with a perfume of earth and of yellow flowers, many things rising to bud, and the garden still with the very sap of sunshine. "It must have been terrible for you!" said Connie. "Oh, my Lady! I never realised at first. I could only say: Oh my lad, what did you want to leave me for!--That was all my cry. But somehow I felt he'd come back." "But he _didn't_ want to leave you," said Connie.
From Sketch for a Theory of the Emotions (1939)
of his life. During the strikes and social protests of 1968 he was arrested for civil disobedience. He was swiftly pardoned by President Charles de Gaulle, who said ‘you don't arrest Voltaire’. Sartre's health began to collapse whilst he was composing a huge biography of Gustave Flaubert, which remained unfinished. He became almost completely blind in 1973. Sartre died on 15 April 1980 in Paris from edema of the lung. His funeral attracted an enormous crowd of up to 50,000 mourners, who accompanied his coffin to the Cimetière de Montparnasse in Paris where he is buried. Sebastian Gardner's main interests lie in the history of philosophy, in particular Kant, German idealism and phenomenology. His publications include Sartre's ‘Being and Nothingness’ (2009), Kant and the ‘Critique of Pure Reason’ (Routledge, 1999) and Irrationality and the Philosophy of Psychoanalysis (1993). [image file=image_rsrcD1.jpg] Leonardo da Vinci by Sigmund Freud Letter to a Priest by Simone Weil Myth and Meaning by Claude Lévi-Strauss Relativity by Albert Einstein On Dialogue by David Bohm Sketch for a Theory of the Emotions by Jean-Paul Sartre The Sovereignty of Good by Iris Murdoch The Undiscovered Self by Carl Gustav Jung Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus by Ludwig Wittgenstein What I Believe by Bertrand Russell Jean-Paul SartreSketch for a Theory of the Emotions Translated by Philip Mairet [image "Logo: Published by Routledge, Taylor and Francis Group, London and New York. Routledge is an imprint of the Taylor & Francis Group, an informa business" file=image_rsrcD2.jpg] The original edition of this work was published in France with the title: Esquisse d'une théorie des emotions by Les Editions Scientifiques HERMANN, 1939. Copyright by Hermann, Paris. English edition first published 1962 by Methuen & Co. Ltd First published by Routledge 1994 First published in Routledge Classics 2002 First published in Routledge Great Minds 2014 2 Park Square, Milton Park, Abingdon, Oxon, OX14 4RN 52 Vanderbilt Avenue, New York, NY 10017 Routledge is an imprint of the Taylor & Francis Group, an informa business English translation © 1962 Methuen & Co. Ltd © 2014 foreword, Sebastian Gardner All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reprinted or reproduced or utilized in any form or by any electronic, mechanical, or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publishers. Notice: Product or corporate names may be trademarks or registered trademarks, and are used only for identification and explanation without intent to infringe. British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library ISBN 13: 978–0–415–85472–6 (pbk) DOI: 10.4324/9781315851006 ContentsForeword to the Routledge Great Minds Edition Introduction: Psychology, phenomenology and phenomenological psychology Sketch for a Theory of the Emotions I. The Classic Theories II. The Psychoanalytic Theory III. Outline of a Phenomenological Theory Conclusion
From Amplified Holy Bible (2015)
[2 Kin 19:25 ; Ezek 13:14 ] 7 All her idols shall be broken in pieces, All her earnings [from her idolatry] shall be burned with fire, And all her images I shall make desolate; For from the earnings of a prostitute she collected them, And to the earnings of a prostitute they shall return. 8 Because of this I [Micah] must lament (mourn over with expressions of grief) and wail, I must go barefoot and naked [without outer garments as if robbed]; I must wail like the jackals And lament [with a loud, mournful cry] like the ostriches. 9 For Samaria’s wound is incurable, For it has come to Judah; The enemy has reached the gate of my people, Even to Jerusalem. 10 c Announce it not in Gath [in Philistia], Weep not at all [and in this way betray your grief to Gentiles]; In Beth-le-aphrah (House of Dust) roll in the dust [among your own people]. 11 Go on your way [into exile—stripped of beauty, disarmed], inhabitants of Shaphir (Beautiful), in shameful nakedness. The inhabitant of Zaanan (Go Out) does not go out [of the house]; The wailing of Beth-ezel (House of Removal) will take away from you its support. 12 For the inhabitant of Maroth (Bitterness) Writhes in pain [at its losses] and waits anxiously for good, Because a catastrophe has come down from the LORD To the gate of Jerusalem. 13 Harness the chariot to the team of horses [to escape the invasion], O inhabitant of Lachish— She was the beginning of sin To the Daughter of Zion (Jerusalem)— Because in you were found The rebellious acts of Israel. 14 Therefore you will give parting gifts On behalf of Moresheth-gath (Micah’s home); The houses of Achzib (Place of Deceit) will become a deception To the kings of Israel. 15 Moreover, I will bring on you The one who takes possession, O inhabitant of Mareshah (Prominent Place). The glory (nobility) of Israel will enter Adullam [seeking refuge]. [1 Sam 22:1 ] 16 Make yourself bald [in mourning]—shave off your hair For the children of your delight; Remain as bald as the eagle, For your children will be taken from you into exile. Micah 2 Woe to Oppressors 1 W OE (JUDGMENT is coming) to those who devise wickedness And plot evil on their beds! When morning comes, they practice evil Because it is in the power of their hands. 2 They covet fields and seize them, And houses, and take them away. They oppress and rob a man and his house, A man and his inheritance. [Is 5:8 ; Ex 20:17 ; Lev 25:23ff .] 3 Therefore, thus says the LORD , “Behold, I am planning against this family a disaster (exile) [Like a noose] from which you cannot remove your necks; Nor will you be able to walk haughtily and erect, For it will be an evil time [of subjugation to the invaders].
From Amplified Holy Bible (2015)
15 “The merchants who handled these articles, who grew wealthy from [their business with] her, will stand a long way off in fear of her torment, weeping and mourning aloud, 16 saying, ‘Woe, woe, for the great city that was robed in fine linen, in purple and scarlet, gilded and adorned with gold, with precious stones, and with pearls; [Ezek 27:31 , 36 ] 17 because in one hour all the vast wealth has been laid waste.’ And every ship captain or navigator, and every c passenger and sailor, and all who make their living by the sea, stood a long way off, [Is 23:14 ; Ezek 27:26–30 ] 18 and exclaimed as they watched the smoke of her burning, saying, ‘What could be compared to the great city?’ 19 “And they threw dust on their heads and were crying out, weeping and mourning, saying, ‘Woe, woe, for the great city, where all who had ships at sea grew rich from her great wealth, because in one hour she has been laid waste!’ [Ezek 27:30–34 ] 20 “Rejoice over her, O heaven, and you saints (God’s people) and apostles and prophets [who were martyred], because God has executed vengeance for you [through righteous judgment] upon her.” [Is 44:23 ; Jer 51:48 , 49 ] The Divine Sentence upon Babylon 21 Then a single powerful angel picked up a boulder like a great millstone and flung it into the sea, saying, “With such violence will Babylon the great city be hurled down [by the sudden, spectacular judgment of God], and will never again be found. [Jer 51:63 , 64 ; Ezek 26:21 ] 22 “And the sound of harpists and musicians and flutists and trumpeters will never again be heard in you, and no skilled artisan of any craft will ever again be found in you, and the sound of the millstone [grinding grain] will never again be heard in you [for commerce will no longer flourish, and normal life will cease]. [Is 24:8 ; Ezek 26:13 ] 23 “And never again will the light of a lamp shine in you, and never again will the voice of the bridegroom and bride be heard in you; for your merchants were the great and prominent men of the earth, because all the nations were deceived and misled by your sorcery [your magic spells and poisonous charm]. 24 “And in Babylon was found the blood of prophets and of saints (God’s people) and of all those who have been slaughtered on the earth.” [Gen 4:10 ; Jer 51:49 ] Revelation 19 The Fourfold Hallelujah 1 A FTER THESE a things I heard something like the great and mighty shout of a vast multitude in heaven, b exclaiming, “H allelujah! Salvation and glory (splendor, majesty) and power (dominion, might) belong to our God; 2 BECAUSE HIS JUDGMENTS ARE TRUE AND RIGHTEOUS .
From Amplified Holy Bible (2015)
28 Then the Israelites went and did [as they had been told]: just as the LORD had commanded Moses and Aaron, so they did. 29 Now it happened at midnight that the LORD struck every firstborn in the land of Egypt, from the firstborn of Pharaoh who sat on his throne to the firstborn of the prisoner who was in the g dungeon, and all the firstborn of the cattle. 30 Pharaoh got up in the night, he and all his servants and all the Egyptians, and there was a great cry [of heartache and sorrow] in Egypt, for there was no house where there was not someone dead. 31 Then he called for Moses and Aaron at night and said, “Get up, get out from among my people, both you and the Israelites; and go, serve the LORD , as you said. 32 “Take both your flocks and your herds, as you have said, and go, and [ask your God to] bless me also.” Exodus of Israel 33 The Egyptians [anxiously] urged the people [to leave], to send them out of the land quickly, for they said, “We will all be dead.” 34 So the people took their dough before it was leavened, their kneading bowls being bound up in their clothes on their shoulders. 35 Now the Israelites had acted in accordance with the word of Moses; and they had asked the Egyptians for articles of silver and articles of gold, and clothing. 36 The LORD gave the people favor in the sight of the Egyptians, so that they gave them what they asked. And so they plundered the Egyptians [of those things]. 37 Now the Israelites journeyed from Rameses to Succoth, about six hundred thousand men on foot, besides [the women and] the children. 38 A mixed multitude [of non-Israelites from foreign nations] also went with them, along with both flocks and herds, a very large number of livestock. [Num 11:4 ; Deut 29:11 ] 39 And they baked unleavened cakes of the dough which they brought from Egypt; it was not leavened, since they were driven [quickly] from Egypt and could not delay, nor had they prepared any food for themselves. 40 Now the period of time the children of Israel lived in Egypt was four hundred and thirty years. [Gen 15:13 , 14 ] 41 At the end of the four hundred and thirty years, to that very day, all the hosts of the LORD [gathered into tribal armies] left the land of Egypt. Ordinance of the Passover 42 It is a night of watching to be observed for the LORD for having brought them out of the land of Egypt; this [same] night is for the LORD , to be observed and celebrated by all the Israelites throughout their generations.
From Amplified Holy Bible (2015)
f 11:13 At this point David was hoping that Uriah’s drunkenness would make him forget his decision to stay with the troops, and that he would go home and have relations with his wife. David apparently thought that Bathsheba could later persuade Uriah that the child was his, even though she would be giving birth early. g 11:14 Lit by the hand of. 2 Samuel 12 a 12:4 Lit the man who had come to him. b 12:8 Lit bosom . c 12:11 This prophesy was fulfilled by David’s lawless children: Amnon’s attack on his half-sister Tamar (13:14 ) and his subsequent murder by his half-brother Absalom (13:28 , 29 ); Absalom’s escape to a foreign land (13:38 ) and his three years in exile, followed by his estrangement from David for two more years (14:28 ); Absalom’s deliberate, rebellious attempt to win the hearts of the people and supplant his father (15:6 ); David’s flight from Jerusalem, with the mass of the people against him (15:14 ), the terrible battle in the forest of Ephraim, won by David’s forces, with Absalom killed in flight (18:6 ). David’s heartbreak is echoed repeatedly in the history of these tragedies (2 Sam 13:1 ; 19:4 ) and in some of his psalms. Even when David was dying, his son Adonijah was attempting to usurp the throne, and was later executed as a traitor (1 Kin 1:5 ; 2:25 ). d 12:11 Lit the sight of this sun . e 12:12 Lit before the sun . f 12:26 The modern city of Amman, Jordan, is located approximately on the same site as Rabbah. g 12:30 I.e. about 75 lbs. If the crown actually weighed 75 lbs. it must have been used primarily as a decorative symbol of power. 2 Samuel 13 a 13:16 Sending her out like this would cast suspicion on Tamar’s behavior. b 13:18 Lit a garment of extremities . This robe must have been similar to the one Jacob (Israel) made for Joseph in Gen 37:3 . c 13:19 Because she had been forced and violated in this way she would no longer be acceptable to another man as a wife. d 13:20 Absalom consoled and quieted Tamar so that he could plan his revenge. e 13:21 According to Jewish law, Amnon should have been executed for the rape of his half sister. f 13:26 Amnon was David’s eldest son and first in the line of succession. g 13:37 David’s failure to act when Amnon raped his half-sister Tamar ultimately cost him two of his sons not just one. 2 Samuel 14 a 14:3 Lit put the words in her mouth . b 14:5 Lit What’s with you. c 14:7 The custom of the time permitted a near relative of the victim to kill the perpetrator. d 14:26 I.e. about 4 lbs. e 14:27 Absalom named his daughter after his sister. f 14:31 Lit arose .
From Amplified Holy Bible (2015)
[Heb 11:17–19 ] 11 But the h Angel of the LORD called to him from heaven and said, “Abraham, Abraham!” He answered, “Here I am.” 12 The LORD said, “Do not reach out [with the knife in] your hand against the boy, and do nothing to [harm] him; for now I know that you fear God [with reverence and profound respect], since you have not withheld from Me your son, your only son [of promise].” 13 Then Abraham looked up and glanced around, and behold, behind him was a ram caught in a thicket by his horns. And Abraham went and took the ram and offered it up for a burnt offering (ascending sacrifice) instead of his son. 14 So Abraham named that place i The LORD Will Provide. And it is said to this day, “On the mountain of the LORD it j will be seen and provided.” 15 The k Angel of the LORD called to Abraham from heaven a second time 16 and said, “By Myself (on the basis of Who I Am) I have sworn [an oath], declares the LORD , that since you have done this thing and have not withheld [from Me] your son, your only son [of promise], 17 indeed I will greatly bless you, and I will greatly multiply your descendants like the stars of the heavens and like the sand on the seashore; and your seed shall possess the gate of their enemies [as conquerors]. [Heb 6:13 , 14 ; 11:12 ] 18 “Through your seed all the nations of the earth shall be blessed, because you have heard and obeyed My voice.” [Gen 12:2 , 3 ; 13:16 ; 22:18 ; 26:4 ; 28:14 ; Acts 3:25 , 26 ; Gal 3:16 ] 19 So Abraham returned to his servants, and they got up and went with him to Beersheba; and Abraham settled in Beersheba. 20 Now after these things Abraham was told, “Milcah has borne children to your brother Nahor: 21 Uz the firstborn and Buz his brother and Kemuel the father of Aram, 22 Chesed and Hazo and Pildash and Jidlaph and Bethuel.” 23 Bethuel became the father of Rebekah. These eight [children] Milcah bore to Nahor, Abraham’s brother. 24 Nahor’s l concubine, whose name was Reumah, gave birth to Tebah and Gaham and Tahash and Maacah. Genesis 23 Death and Burial of Sarah 1 S ARAH LIVED a hundred and twenty-seven years; this was the length of the life of Sarah. 2 Sarah died in Kiriath-arba a (that is, Hebron) in the land of Canaan, and Abraham went to mourn for Sarah and to weep for her.
From Amplified Holy Bible (2015)
33 And from Aroer to the entrance of Minnith he struck them, twenty cities, and as far as Abel-keramim (brook by the vineyard), with a very great defeat. So the Ammonites were subdued and humbled before the Israelites. 34 Then Jephthah came to his house at Mizpah, and this is what he saw: his daughter coming out to meet him with tambourines and with dancing. And she was his only child; except for her he had no son or daughter. 35 And when he saw her, he tore his clothes [in grief] and said, “Alas, my daughter! You have brought me great disaster, and you are the cause of ruin to me; for I have e made a vow to the LORD , and I cannot take it back.” 36 And she said to him, “My father, you have made a vow to the LORD ; do to me as you have vowed, since the LORD has taken vengeance for you on your enemies, the Ammonites.” 37 And she said to her father, “Let this one thing be done for me; let me alone for two months, so that I may go to the mountains and weep over my f virginity, I and my companions.” 38 And he said, “Go.” So he sent her away for two months; and she left with her companions, and wept over her virginity on the mountains. 39 At the end of two months she returned to her father, who did to her as he had vowed; and she had no relations with a man. It became a custom in Israel, 40 that the daughters of Israel went yearly to tell the story of the daughter of Jephthah the Gileadite four days in the year. Judges 12 Jephthah and His Successors 1 T HE MEN of [the tribe of] Ephraim were summoned [to action], and they crossed over to Zaphon and said to Jephthah, “Why did you cross over to fight with the Ammonites without calling us to go with you? [For that] we will burn your house down upon you.” 2 And Jephthah said to them, “My people and I were in a major conflict with the Ammonites, and when I called you [for help], you did not rescue me from their hand. 3 “So when I saw that you were not coming to help me, I took my life in my hands and crossed over against the Ammonites, and the LORD handed them over to me.
From The Incendiaries (2018)
From Fitz, that is, since federal agents had intercepted the mail, opening it. Not long afterward, Reverend Lin, Phoebe’s father, issued his public statement. He explained he’d donated to the extremist cult that called itself Jejah. He’d given his personal savings, as well as, with his board’s approval, church funds. I believed it to be an organization with peaceful aims, he said, reading. To all those who have been hurt, I beg pardon. He gripped a white page, his hands fists. His chin, like Phoebe’s, ended in a point. Tight-jawed, he jutted it out. It was my first time seeing the man. Phoebe hadn’t displayed photos of him. I blamed him; of course, I did. I’d heard the stories. If he’d been less brutish to his then- wife, wouldn’t Phoebe have felt less alone? But also, I thought, if I’d failed less. If and if again. He said nothing in his speech about having received a message from his child. He didn’t want to mention it, perhaps. It was possible, too, that he wasn’t allowed. The police, maybe Fitz, had told him not to. If Phoebe had written to me, she’d have sent him a note, as well. In spite of his faults, she had old-fashioned notions about filial duties, his parental rights. That said, if she hadn’t written to him, it could also be a sign. I called his house. He didn’t pick up, but I was relieved. It had been a mistake, calling. I’d talk to him in person, I decided. I bought a flight to Los Angeles. 38. JOHN LEAL —the truth is, he told them, they were just getting started. 39. PHOEBE One of the earliest memories I have takes place in L.A. While I slept, she noticed we had no milk. It was still the two of us. She’d run out to buy it, she decided. The store was down the block. It shouldn’t take long. I woke up when she’d gone. I called out, expecting the usual hello; instead, for the first time, I heard solitude. I rushed around the house, but she wasn’t to be found. I tiptoed, and I realized I could reach the front doorknob. I’m not sure, though, if this isn’t just a tale I’ve been told: at this point, I slide inside my mother’s head, then I watch as she did. Milk jug in hand, I listen to a high, distant wail—a child’s, I think, but it isn’t until I’ve left the store that I start to laugh, astonished. I forget the milk. I let it fall. I throw both arms open to this wild child, flying toward me. 40. WILL I rented a station wagon at the airport, then I drove to Phoebe’s father’s church. It was a fifteen-mile drive, with the traffic as hectic as I’d always, in the L.A. I invented, believed it would be. I found the church doors locked, its parking lot vacant. I punched the back wall, several times, until I opened skin.
From Amplified Holy Bible (2015)
67 Moreover, He rejected the tent of Joseph, And did not choose the tribe of Ephraim [in which the tabernacle stood]. 68 But He chose the tribe of Judah [as Israel’s leader], Mount Zion, which He loved [to replace Shiloh as His capital]. 69 And He built His sanctuary [exalted] like the heights [of the heavens], Like the earth which He has established forever. 70 He also chose David His servant And took him from the sheepfolds; [1 Sam 16:11 , 12 ] 71 b From c tending the ewes with nursing young He brought him To shepherd Jacob His people, And Israel His inheritance. [2 Sam 7:7 , 8 ] 72 So David shepherded them according to the integrity of his heart; And guided them with his skillful hands. Psalm 79 A Lament over the Destruction of Jerusalem, and Prayer for Help. A Psalm of Asaph. 1 O GOD, the nations have invaded [the land of Your people] Your inheritance; They have defiled Your sacred temple; They have laid Jerusalem in ruins. 2 They have given the dead bodies of Your servants as food to the birds of the heavens, The flesh of Your godly ones to the beasts of the earth. 3 They have poured out their blood like water all around Jerusalem, And there was no one to bury them. 4 We have become an object of taunting to our neighbors [because of our humiliation], A derision and mockery to those who encircle us. 5 How long, O LORD ? Will You be angry forever? Will Your jealousy [which cannot endure a divided allegiance] burn like fire? 6 Pour out Your wrath on the [Gentile] nations that do not know You, And on the kingdoms that do not call on Your name. [2 Thess 1:8 ] 7 For they have devoured Jacob And made his pasture desolate. 8 O do not remember against us the sins and guilt of our forefathers. Let Your compassion and mercy come quickly to meet us, For we have been brought very low. 9 Help us, O God of our salvation, for the glory of Your name; Rescue us, forgive us our sins for Your name’s sake. 10 Why should the [Gentile] nations say, “Where is their God?” Let there be known [without delay] among the nations in our sight [and to this generation], Your vengeance for the blood of Your servants which has been poured out. 11 Let the groaning and sighing of the prisoner come before You; According to the greatness of Your power keep safe those who are doomed to die. 12 And return into the lap of our neighbors sevenfold The taunts with which they have taunted You, O Lord. 13 So we Your people, the sheep of Your pasture, Will give You thanks forever; We will declare and publish Your praise from generation to generation. Psalm 80 God Implored to Rescue His People from Their Calamities.
From Amplified Holy Bible (2015)
9 “They will come with weeping [in repentance and for joy], And by [their] prayer [for the future] I will lead them; I will make them walk by streams of waters, On a straight path in which they will not stumble, For I am a Father to Israel, And Ephraim (Israel) is My firstborn.” 10 Hear the word of the LORD , O you nations, And declare it in the isles and coastlands far away, And say, “He who scattered Israel will gather him And will keep him as a shepherd keeps his flock.” 11 For the LORD has ransomed Jacob And has redeemed him from the hand of him who was stronger than he. 12 “They will come and sing aloud and shout for joy on the height of Zion, And will be radiant [with joy] over the goodness of the LORD — For the grain, for the new wine, for the oil, And for the young of the flock and the herd. And their life will be like a watered garden, And they shall never sorrow or languish again. 13 “Then the virgin will rejoice in the dance, And the young men and old, together, For I will turn their mourning into joy And will comfort them and make them rejoice after their sorrow. 14 “I will fully satisfy the soul of the priests with abundance, And My people will be satisfied with My goodness,” says the LORD . 15 Thus says the LORD , “A c voice is heard in Ramah, Lamentation (songs of mourning) and bitter weeping. Rachel (Israel) is weeping for her children; She refuses to be comforted for her children, Because they are gone.” [Matt 2:18 ] 16 Thus says the LORD , “Restrain your voice from weeping And your eyes from tears, For your work will be rewarded,” says the LORD ; “And your children will return from the enemy’s land. 17 “There is [confident] hope for your future,” says the LORD ; “Your children will come back to their own country. 18 “I have surely heard Ephraim (Israel) moaning and grieving, ‘You have chastised me, and I was chastised, Like a bull unaccustomed to the yoke or an untrained calf; Bring me back that I may be restored, For You are the LORD my God. 19 ‘After I turned away [from You], I repented; After I was instructed, I struck my thigh [in remorse]; I was ashamed and even humiliated Because I carried the disgrace of my youth [as a nation].’ 20 “Is Ephraim My dear son? Is he a darling and beloved child? For as often as I have spoken against him, I certainly still remember him. Therefore My affection is renewed and My heart longs for him; I will surely have mercy on him,” says the LORD . 21 “Place for yourself road signs [toward Canaan], Make for yourself guideposts; Turn your thought and attention to the highway, To the way by which you went [into exile].
From Lady Chatterley's Lover (1928)
Ted Bolton was twenty-eight when he was killed in an explosion down th' pit. The butty in front shouted to them all to lie down quick, there were four of them. And they all lay down in time, only Ted, and it killed him. Then at the enquiry, on the masters' side they said Ted had been frightened, and trying to run away, and not obeying orders, so it was like his fault really. So the compensation was only three hundred pounds, and they made out as if it was more of a gift than legal compensation, because it was really the man's own fault. And they wouldn't let her have the money down; she wanted to have a little shop. But they said she'd no doubt squander it, perhaps in drink!! So she had to draw it thirty shillings a week. Yes, she had to go every Monday morning down to the offices, and stand there a couple of hours waiting her turn; yes, for almost four years she went every Monday. And what could she do with two little children on her hands? But Ted's mother was very good to her. When the baby could toddle she'd keep both the children for the day, while she, Ivy Bolton, went to Sheffield, and attended classes in ambulance, and then the fourth year she even took a nursing course and got qualified. She was determined to be independent and keep her children. So she was assistant at Uthwaite hospital, just a little place, for a while. But when the Company, the Tevershall Colliery Company, really Sir Geoffrey, saw that she could get on by herself, they were very good to her, gave her the parish nursing, and stood by her, she would say that for them. And she'd done it ever since, till now it was getting a bit much for her, she needed something a bit lighter, there was such a lot of traipsing round if you were a district nurse. "Yes, the Company's been very good to _me_, I always say it. But I should never forget what they said about Ted, for he was as steady and fearless a chap as ever set foot on the cage, and it was as good as branding him a coward. But there, he was dead, and could say nothing to none of 'em."
From The Decameron (1353)
LISABETTA'S[240] BROTHERS SLAY HER LOVER, WHO APPEARETH TO HER IN A DREAM AND SHOWETH HER WHERE HE IS BURIED, WHEREUPON SHE PRIVILY DISINTERRETH HIS HEAD AND SETTETH IT IN A POT OF BASIL. THEREOVER MAKING MOAN A GREAT WHILE EVERY DAY, HER BROTHERS TAKE IT FROM HER AND SHE FOR GRIEF DIETH A LITTLE THEREAFTERWARD [Footnote 240: This is the proper name of the heroine of the story immortalized by Keats as "Isabella or the Pot of Basil," and is one of the many forms of the and name _Elisabetta_ (Elizabeth), _Isabetta_ and _Isabella_ being others. Some texts of the Decameron call the heroine _Isabetta_, but in the heading only, all with which I am acquainted agreeing in the use of the form _Lisabetta_ in the body of the story.] Elisa's tale being ended and somedele commended of the king, Filomena was bidden to discourse, who, full of compassion for the wretched Gerbino and his mistress, after a piteous sigh, began thus: "My story, gracious ladies, will not treat of folk of so high condition as were those of whom Elisa hath told, yet peradventure it will be no less pitiful; and what brought me in mind of it was the mention, a little before, of Messina, where the case befell. There were then in Messina three young brothers, merchants and left very rich by their father, who was a man of San Gimignano, and they had an only sister, Lisabetta by name, a right fair and well-mannered maiden, whom, whatever might have been the reason thereof, they had not yet married. Now these brothers had in one of their warehouses a youth of Pisa, called Lorenzo, who did and ordered all their affairs and was very comely and agreeable of person; wherefore, Lisabetta looking sundry times upon him, it befell that he began strangely to please her; of which Lorenzo taking note at one time and another, he in like manner, leaving his other loves, began to turn his thoughts to her; and so went the affair, that, each being alike pleasing to the other, it was no great while before, taking assurance, they did that which each of them most desired.
From The Incendiaries (2018)
I’m trying to imagine it: Phoebe, sitting with the group again, legs pulled in. Posture like a ball, a full- bodied fist. The others in a circle, staring while she exposes her life. The truck driver broke his leg, Phoebe said. I wasn’t hurt. My mother absorbed all the impact. She bled to death before she could be taken to the hospital. I was still in high school, underage, so I had to go live in my father’s house. I hadn’t spent much time with him, growing up. My mother’s plan, once she left Seoul, was to raise me alone. But then, he followed us to the States, pleading to live with us again. She didn’t let him, at first. When she did relent, it was because she thought I’d benefit from having both parents around. Often, they fought; he turned violent, at times. I sat at the top of the stairs, one night, while they shouted. He punched her, and she fell. She didn’t get up, so I ran down. I thought she’d died. She wasn’t moving. I wanted to call for help, but he took a glass of water from the dinner table. He splashed it on her face until she woke up. Still, she kept trying. I was five before she asked me if I’d be all right if she left him again. If we left, she said. You and I. I said yes, let’s go. I picked sides at once. He stayed civil, though, when I had to move in with him. Polite, like a distant relative. He didn’t even ask if I wanted to come to his church. He might have believed I’d refuse. I noticed him crying, in the kitchen: I pretended I hadn’t. If he was grieving, I didn’t think he had the right. I finished the last month of high school. Then, as soon as possible, I left. I came to Noxhurst. In Littell, during the college president’s opening talk, I walked out. I crossed the silent campus while everyone else sat in chapel pews, listening to the president tell them how glad they should feel. This school, he’d said. He called it one of the nation’s pinnacles of learning. Such luck. Privilege. The obligation to give back. In front of Latham gate, a fellow truant held a bluish flame up to the key-card light. The gate didn’t open; the flame went out. He flicked his flame on again. I asked what he was doing. It’s broken, he said. This gate. It’s busted. Won’t open. I could give it a try, I said. He paused, but then he stepped back. His broad face was pink, sullen. The tall bulk of him listed toward the stone arch. I swiped my card, and the gate rang open. I tried not to laugh. He said I was his hero. You’ll have to let me give you a drink, he insisted, until I followed him to his suite. He told me his name, Julian.
From Amplified Holy Bible (2015)
20 “Now then, come and let us kill him and throw him into one of the g pits (cisterns, underground water storage); then we will say [to our father], ‘A wild animal killed and devoured him’; and we shall see what will become of his dreams!” 21 Now Reuben [the eldest] heard this and rescued him from their hands and said, “Let us not take his life.” 22 Reuben said to them, “Do not shed his blood, but [instead] throw him [alive] into the pit that is here in the wilderness, and do not lay a hand on him [to kill him]”—[he said this so] that he could rescue him from them and return him [safely] to his father. 23 Now when Joseph reached his brothers, they stripped him of his tunic, the [distinctive] h multicolored tunic which he was wearing; 24 then they took him and threw him into the pit. Now the pit was empty; there was no water in it. 25 Then they sat down to eat their meal. When they looked up, they saw a caravan of i Ishmaelites coming from Gilead [east of the Jordan], with their camels bearing ladanum resin [for perfume] and balm and j myrrh, going on their way to carry the cargo down to Egypt. 26 Judah said to his brothers, “What do we gain if we kill our brother and cover up his blood (murder)? 27 “Come, let us [instead] sell him to these Ishmaelites [and k Midianites] and not lay our hands on him, because he is our brother and our flesh.” So his brothers listened to him and agreed. [Gen 22:24 ; 25:2 ] 28 Then as the l Midianite [and Ishmaelite] traders were passing by, the brothers pulled Joseph up and lifted him out of the pit, and they sold him to the Ishmaelites for twenty shekels of silver. And so they took Joseph [as a captive] into Egypt. 29 Now Reuben [unaware of what had happened] returned to the pit, and [to his great alarm found that] Joseph was not in the pit; so he tore his clothes [in deep sorrow]. 30 He rejoined his brothers and said, “The boy is not there; as for me, where shall I go [to hide from my father]?” 31 Then they took Joseph’s tunic, slaughtered a male goat and dipped the tunic in the blood; 32 and they brought the multicolored tunic to their father, saying, “We have found this; please examine it and decide whether or not it is your son’s tunic.” 33 He recognized it and said, “It is my son’s tunic. A wild animal has devoured him; Joseph is without doubt torn in pieces!” 34 So Jacob tore his clothes [in grief], put m on sackcloth and mourned many days for his son.
From The Decameron (1353)
Federigo, hearing what the lady asked and knowing that he could not oblige her, for that he had given her the falcon to eat, fell a-weeping in her presence, ere he could answer a word. The lady at first believed that his tears arose from grief at having to part from his good falcon and was like to say that she would not have it. However, she contained herself and awaited what Federigo should reply, who, after weeping awhile, made answer thus: 'Madam, since it pleased God that I should set my love on you, I have in many things reputed fortune contrary to me and have complained of her; but all the ill turns she hath done me have been a light matter in comparison with that which she doth me at this present and for which I can never more be reconciled to her, considering that you are come hither to my poor house, whereas you deigned not to come what while I was rich, and seek of me a little boon, the which she hath so wrought that I cannot grant you; and why this cannot be I will tell you briefly. When I heard that you, of your favour, were minded to dine with me, I deemed it a light thing and a seemly, having regard to your worth and the nobility of your station, to honour you, as far as in me lay, with some choicer victual than that which is commonly set before other folk; wherefore, remembering me of the falcon which you ask of me and of his excellence, I judged him a dish worthy of you. This very morning, then, you have had him roasted upon the trencher, and indeed I had accounted him excellently well bestowed; but now, seeing that you would fain have had him on other wise, it is so great a grief to me that I cannot oblige you therein that methinketh I shall never forgive myself therefor.' So saying, in witness of this, he let cast before her the falcon's feathers and feet and beak.
From The Decameron (1353)
Ay, now, for sure, away from me 'tis ta'en; I may 't no longer hide. Had I but known (alas, regret is vain!) That which should me betide, Before my door on guard I would have lain To sleep, my flowers beside. Yet might the Great God ease me at His will. Yea, God Most High might ease me, at His will, If but it liked Him well, Of him who wrought me such unright and ill; He into pangs of hell Cast me who stole my basil-pot, that still Was full of such sweet smell, Its savour did all dole from me away. All dole its savour did from me away; It was so redolent, When, with the risen sun, at early day To water it I went, The folk would marvel all at it and say, "Whence comes the sweetest scent?" And I for love of it shall surely die. Yea, I for love of it shall surely die, For love and grief and pain. If one would tell me where it is, I'd buy It willingly again. Fivescore gold crowns, that in my pouch have I, I'd proffer him full fain, And eke a kiss, if so it liked the swain.] [Footnote A: Quære--natal?--perhaps meaning her birthday (_lo giorno della festa_).] [Footnote B: Or "purchased" in the old sense of obtained, acquired (_accattai_).] THE SIXTH STORY [Day the Fourth] ANDREVUOLA LOVETH GABRIOTTO AND RECOUNTETH TO HIM A DREAM SHE HATH HAD, WHEREUPON HE TELLETH HER ONE OF HIS OWN AND PRESENTLY DIETH SUDDENLY IN HER ARMS. WHAT WHILE SHE AND A WAITING WOMAN OF HERS BEAR HIM TO HIS OWN HOUSE, THEY ARE TAKEN BY THE OFFICERS OF JUSTICE AND CARRIED BEFORE THE PROVOST, TO WHOM SHE DISCOVERETH HOW THE CASE STANDETH. THE PROVOST WOULD FAIN FORCE HER, BUT SHE SUFFERETH IT NOT AND HER FATHER, COMING TO HEAR OF THE MATTER, PROCURETH HER TO BE SET AT LIBERTY, SHE BEING FOUND INNOCENT; WHEREUPON, ALTOGETHER REFUSING TO ABIDE LONGER IN THE WORLD, SHE BECOMETH A NUN
From The Decameron (1353)
But fortune, jealous of so long and so great a delight, with a woeful chance changed the gladness of the two lovers into mourning and sorrow; and it befell on this wise. Tancred was wont to come bytimes all alone into his daughter's chamber and there abide with her and converse awhile and after go away. Accordingly, one day, after dinner, he came thither, what time the lady (whose name was Ghismonda) was in a garden of hers with all her women, and willing not to take her from her diversion, he entered her chamber, without being seen or heard of any. Finding the windows closed and the curtains let down over the bed, he sat down in a corner on a hassock at the bedfoot and leant his head against the bed; then, drawing the curtain over himself, as if he had studied to hide himself there, he fell asleep. As he slept thus, Ghismonda, who, as ill chance would have it, had appointed her lover to come thither that day, softly entered the chamber, leaving her women in the garden, and having shut herself in, without perceiving that there was some one there, opened the secret door to Guiscardo, who awaited her. They straightway betook themselves to bed, as of their wont, and what while they sported and solaced themselves together, it befell that Tancred awoke and heard and saw that which Guiscardo and his daughter did; whereat beyond measure grieved, at first he would have cried out at them, but after bethought himself to keep silence and abide, an he might, hidden, so with more secrecy and less shame to himself he might avail to do that which had already occurred to his mind. The two lovers abode a great while together, according to their usance, without observing Tancred, and coming down from the bed, whenas it seemed to them time, Guiscardo returned to the grotto and she departed the chamber; whereupon Tancred, for all he was an old man, let himself down into the garden by a window and returned, unseen of any, to his own chamber, sorrowful unto death. That same night, at the time of the first sleep, Guiscardo, by his orders, was seized by two men, as he came forth of the tunnel, and carried secretly, trussed as he was in his suit of leather, to Tancred, who, whenas he saw him, said, well nigh weeping, 'Guiscardo, my kindness to thee merited not the outrage and the shame thou hast done me in mine own flesh and blood, as I have this day seen with my very eyes.' Whereto Guiscardo answered nothing but this, 'Love can far more than either you or I.' Tancred then commanded that he should be kept secretly under guard and in one of the chambers of the palace, and so was it done.
From The Incendiaries (2018)
Though I hadn’t listened to music since Libich, we’d had the tickets since the previous fall. It wasn’t the piano. I’ll be fine, I thought, but then string music filled the hall. I’d have given anything to be able to perform as well as I’d hoped I could. It was true, as she said, that I’d started playing the music on my own. I was so small, at first, that I had to sit on a trunk balanced on top of the piano bench. It lifted me up. Disembodied in the piano’s polished depths, I hurled back and forth like its possessing spirit, shown large, powerful. I’d loved the piano. I still did. It was too bad. I wiped my face; she noticed. She held out a tissue, but I ignored it. I couldn’t admit I’d cried. The cello recital ended. In the parking lot, I insisted I’d drive. I had a license, but she didn’t often let me behind the wheel; this time, she gave in. Maybe she pitied me. She’d tired of fighting. I didn’t ask, and it was the last time we talked. In silence, I drove. I got us a mile from home before I started crying again. Half-blind, I rolled into the opposing lane. 7. WILL She picked me up to drive to John Leal’s house. Paired taillights swept ahead of us, the red lamps slewing here, there. Turning off the road, she hurtled uphill, and stopped. Phoebe and I walked up the flagstone path to a white, tall house. She held my hand, swinging it, the way children do. Piled leaves blew about, alive again. She touched the bell button. I lifted Phoebe’s hand; I kissed bitten nails that shine, in hindsight, like quartz, spoils I pulled down from the moon. – The door flung open. Strangers appeared, drawing us into the heat, the light. The rich perfume of cooked flesh filled the front hall. Saliva flooded my mouth. They asked if we’d mind removing our shoes. Light-headed, I used the excuse to crouch. I took in a breath as I unknotted the tight laces. I hadn’t eaten since morning, when I had a stolen Gala apple. With the bus behind schedule, I’d arrived at Michelangelo’s too late for the staff lunch. Phoebe and I were led down a hall, into the living room. Flat blue cushions had been placed in a half-circle in front of the lit fireplace. There was no furniture. Invited to sit, I followed Phoebe’s lead: I took a cushion, the one closest to hers. It slipped as I sat, the glossed fabric smooth. Is John Leal here? Phoebe asked. I’d love to tell him hello. He’s in the kitchen, they said. He’ll join us in a minute. Before long, the conversation split in two. Phoebe chatted with a girl whose name I hadn’t caught, then with a person called Ian.