Gratitude

Passages

Every passage tagged with this emotion in the Vela corpus. Search the body text, narrow by source or register, click through to a book’s profile to see how the passage sits with the rest of the work.

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• From Get Out of Your Head: Stopping the Cycle of Anxious Thoughts (2020)

  She was rewiring her brain by choosing gratitude. She was allowing God to remake her, body and mind. Your Brain on Gratitude Victimhood is yet another enemy of our minds that keeps us fixated on something other than the God of the universe, believing the lie that we are at the mercy of circumstances. But we have a choice. We can center our thoughts on the certainty that, no matter what comes, we are upheld securely by God’s righteous right hand. 2 And that will shift our minds toward gratitude. A few years ago, the magazine Psychology Today referenced a study from the National Institutes of Health that reported that subjects who “showed more gratitude overall had higher levels of activity in the hypothalamus,” which, I will tell you, in case you, too, were doodling during your college biology lecture, is the part of your brain that controls bodily functions—eating, drinking, sleeping, the whole works.3 Doing something as straightforward as saying “Thank you” is like a tune-up for your inner world. Expressing gratitude caused subjects to experience an increase in dopamine hits, the reward neurotransmitter that makes the brain happy. In short, each time a subject expressed gratitude, the brain said, “Ooh! Do it again!” In this way, feeling gratitude led to feeling more gratitude, which led to feeling more and more gratitude still. “Once you start seeing things to be grateful for, your brain starts looking for more things to be grateful for.”4 Research has revealed seven key benefits to those who make gratitude a practice: “Gratitude opens the door to more relationships.” Something as simple as saying “Thanks” to someone you know only slightly makes that person more likely to look for friendship with you. “ Gratitude improves physical health.” When people are thankful, they exercise more, make better decisions about their health, and experience fewer aches and pains. “Gratitude improves psychological health.” It reduces harmful emotions such as jealousy, frustration, and regret. “Gratitude enhances empathy and reduces aggression.” One study found that “grateful people are more likely to behave in a prosocial manner,” which I think is a nice way of saying a grateful person is less likely to be a jerk. “Grateful people sleep better,” which is a good enough reason in itself for you and me to be grateful. “Gratitude improves self-esteem” and allows a person to genuinely celebrate the achievements of others instead of wishing she’d been the one to achieve. “Gratitude increases mental strength,” helping a person lower stress, overcome trauma, and increase resilience, even during bad times.5 Just one question: If gratitude is this good for us—and it is; God designed us that way—then why is it so hard to be grateful when life isn’t going the way we think it should? Are You Ready for a Shift?

• From Get Out of Your Head: Stopping the Cycle of Anxious Thoughts (2020)

  That purpose, you might guess, was to spread the gospel—God’s good news of love and grace. I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel, so that it has become known throughout the whole imperial guard and to all the rest that my imprisonment is for Christ. And most of the brothers, having become confident in the Lord by my imprisonment, are much more bold to speak the word without fear…. I will rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help of the Spirit of Jesus Christ this will turn out for my deliverance, as it is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be at all ashamed, but that with full courage now as always Christ will be honored in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.11 By choosing gratitude over victimhood, Paul centered his thoughts on God’s purpose behind the pain. He could focus on the impact of his imprisonment, which involved the palace guard coming to know Christ. He could see that God would always be on the move, whether in his life or through his death, whether in his peace or in his suffering. The ministry of the gospel through Paul was far from over; in fact, it was only just beginning. But to see God’s good purposes, we have to focus our gaze beyond our immediate situations. We have to remember that, even now, we have a choice: we can choose to praise and honor God right where we are, trusting that we serve a God who is both transcendent and immanent—fancy words for saying that His ways are beyond human understanding12 —yet He chooses to be near us, to be with us, even in the hardest times when we cannot yet see how He could possibly bring anything good from our circumstances. As I mentioned earlier, in the past five years, God’s plans for me have included my dearest friend suffering both a grueling divorce and a series of massive strokes, my baby sister having her idyllic life turned upside down, my oldest child leaving for college, our family being uprooted and relocated at least in part against our wills, an eighteen-month season of such intense disillusionment that I was sure I was losing my faith or losing my mind. I absolutely agree that God’s plans are benevolent and good. But perhaps I believe that only in the past tense. In the moment, when news of the stroke comes to me, when the decision is made to relocate, when doubt threatens to take me out—do I choose to be grateful for God’s plans then too? Let me tell you about two people who have embodied this choice of gratitude over victimhood. Dee was a captain in the US Navy who was set up on a blind date.

• From Generation Anxiety: A Millennial and Gen Z Guide to Staying Afloat in an Uncertain World (2023)

  You are a joy to work with every step of the way. Madyn Singh, thank you for making TikTok possible. I wouldn’t be here without your advice . . . and hashtags. And to my dear friend, Amy Riordan, who has become one of the staunchest supporters of this book. Girl, you seriously blow me away. It’s wild to think we got connected through Facebook back in the day with the Sunny Girl and Bucket List Bound adventures. Now, ten years later, we have our boys and a wonderful friendship where we are always learning from each other. I can’t thank you enough for all that you’ve done to help promote the book. I truly could not have done this without you. I truly love what I get to do as a psychologist and part of that is because I get to learn every day. Thank you to my clients who have opened their hearts and minds to me in the most beautiful way. I am inspired daily by your courage to lean into life. You have shown me how to live bravely and because “I’ve known you, I have been changed for good.” Hey, what would an acknowledgments section be without a little Broadway reference from this former theater kid? I’m also heartened by the therapists that I’ve been able to sit with through the years. From USC, Dr. Greg Henderson (who we will always miss), thank you for being my very first teacher in grad school who taught us to be “people first.” Dr. Mary Andres, Dr. Ginger Clark, Dr. Sandy Smith, Dr. Michael Morris, Dr. Ilene Rosenstein, and the entire Rossier faculty—what an indescribable gift to learn from each of you. Thank you to my first supervisor, Joanne Weidman, for giving me the opportunity to see my very first client and for patiently guiding me as I was learning that I didn’t know anything about anything as a trainee. Those were the days. From Pepperdine, Dr. Cohen, Dr. Woo, Dr. Brunn, Dr. Bryant-Davis, Dr. Keatinge, and too many others, thank you for providing the best brain health boot camp that ever was. You taught us to always follow the science but to still come back to the heart. To my USD family, thank you for the most amazing training year of my life (in sunny San Diego, no less!). Dr. Thackray and Dr. Franklin, thank you for your gifted supervision. To my fellow interns, Carly and Hana, I count my lucky stars every day that we matched together. I hope our friendships are for life. To my CAMPUSPEAK family—you were the first ones who believed in me as a speaker. David Stollman, thank you for this incredible opportunity that has opened so many doors.

• From A Hebrew and English Lexicon of the Old Testament (BDB) (1907)

  with his kindness 65 53 Ew Hup De Pe Che Bae; his 18 the kindness ו‎ 62"; itis with him 130’; he delights init Mi7®. | 1. specif. lovingkind- hess: a. inredemption from enemiesand troubles Gn 19° 39” (J), Ex 15'*(song), Je31° Ezr7** 9° yer aye ag aan 07 42° Ast 48” 59." 6629 85° go" 94% 1 Nea Jb 575 Ru 18 ges men should trust in it ~ 13°52"; rejoice in it 31°; hope in it 33 1477. b. in preservation of life from death 6° 86° Jb1o™”. | 6. in quick- ening of spiritual life wy 1097 1 19817-81%4-199.199, d. in redemption from sin W25' 51°. @. in keeping the covenants, with Abraham Mi 7”; with Moses and Israel 707(3)) N23 שמר‎ heep- eth the covenant and the lovingkindness Dt 7°” 1 K 88=2 Ch6", Ne 1° 9” Dno‘*; with David and his dynasty 2 8 7¥=1 Ch 17%, 28 22%= 18", 1K 3°'=2Chi', 89”; with the wife Zion Is 54". 2. 101) is grouped with other divine attributes: ואמת‎ 1DN kindness (loving- kindness) and fidelity Gn24” (J), 25" 407? 57* 61° 85% 89" 115! 1387; עשה ח' ואמת עם‎ 2S 2° 15% (G,v. Dr); רב ח' ואמת‎ Ex 34° (JE), ¥ 86%; also || אמת‎ Mi 7” y 26° 1177; || אמוּנָה‎ 88" 89° 92°; וח'‎ ANON ץ ח' ואמונה ;"89 ץ‎ 985; || ח' ורחמים ;77° + רחמים‎ Je 16° Ho 27 y103'; ש צדקה || ;’101 ץ 369% ח' ומשפט‎ ש טוב וח"‎ "% 3. the kindness of God is a. abundant: IOI abundant, plenteous in kindness (goodness) Nu 14° (J), Ne 9” (Qr), Jo 25 Jon 4? 86° 103° (cf. Ex 34° JE; 86"); FIO רב‎ Ne 13” ץ‎ 5° 69" 106' (G B Aq &, to be preferred to MT (חסְרֶיף‎ yon רב‎ La 3” 106*(Kt G in both to be preferred). b. great in extent : 1 greatness of thy mercy Nu 14” (J); mv 145°; 16 is kept for thousands Ex34’(JE),Je32”, esp. of those connected with lovers of *, Ex 20°= Dt 5"; for 1000 generations Dt 7°; it is great as the heavens py 57" 103", ef. 36° 108°; the earth is full of it ~ 33° 119% c. everlasting : לעולם הפר‎ Je ea tr Ch 16%4 2Ch5® 7° 207! Ezr 3" עו‎ 100° 1067 1071 1181* B49 7 362606) - לעולם‎ JION y 138°; ח' מעולם‎ ץ ועד עולם‎ 1037; ody ח' אל כל ;54% 19 ח'‎ היום‎ 52%. d. good: חַסְדְּךָ‎ AWD 697 109"; כי טוב חסדף מחיים‎ +? 63%. 4. pl. mercies, deeds of kindness, the historic displays of loving- kindness to Israel : shewn to Jacob Gn32"(R); 839 חסדיה but mostly late Is 637 285 897; חפדיו‎ 343 Ts 63’, see 3a; promised in the Davidic covenant דָוִיר ;89% ש‎ “IDO mercies to David Is 55° 2 Ch 6”; mercies in general La 3” 177 107%*— TDN in n.pr.m. בן-ח"‎ v. sub ]3. On 19 20” Pr 14™ vy. .זז‎ 109 sub 11. .חסד‎

• From A Hebrew and English Lexicon of the Old Testament (BDB) (1907)

  13°) 285% 309 i 8* (D) 2S 7° ץ‎ 3° 217 133° ו 44° ה‎ 445 10 2 aC: 3°; ברכת יהוה‎ Gn 39° (J) Dt 12° 16% 33% ץ‎ 129% Pr 107; " ברכה מאת‎ W 24°; ברכת אברהם‎ Gn 28" (P), the blessing given to Abraham. 6. of the people, in recognition of good men 109” Pr 10% 11° 24” 28". d. of a@ poor man, in recognition of benefits Jb 29". 2. source of blessing : Abraham.Gn 12? (J); Israel Is 19* Ez 34% 20 8"; seed of the righteous Vv 37° the king y 21‘; memory of the righteous Pr 10’; new wine Is65°. ‘8. blessing, prosperity: בברכת ישרים‎ by the prosperity of the upright (the city is exalted) 211"; גם ברכות יעטה‎ MD yea, the early rain covereth with blessings ץש‎ 847 cf. Gn 49°; וארותי את ברכותיכם‎ and I will curse your prosperity Mal 2%. 4. bless- ing, praise of God Ne 9°. 5. a gift, present Gn 337 (E) Jos 15% (J) "דט‎ 18 25" ze 2 5; 7272 W2 a liberal person Pr 11% (cf. Syr. 5 Eth. A2nt:). 6. treaty of peace 2 K Is 36".‏ = 8% ד n.pr.loc. valley in wilderness‏ .1 רכה .זנ by Tekoa 2 Ch 20°; mod. Bereikiit cf. Be & reff. 2. n. pr.m. one 01 David’s band 1 Ch 12°, ברו Ty. n.pr.m. (blessed) 1. friend and amanuensis of Jeremiah Je 321° 36** 435° 457 2. a priest, son of Zabbai (Zaccai) Ne 39 107. 3. son of Colhozeh, of the tribe of Judah Ne "זז‎ Tra n.f. pool, pond ו הברכה)‎ valve. BS; ברכת רה‎ Sab. Denkm.”; Aram. (בְּרִיכְתָא‎ > ב'-‎ 2 8 28 4? 2K 87 )= Is 36°) 20% Ne3* cig 2 an 2-כ ל ברכת‎ Nie Ke 2° Ct 7°.‏ בְּרְכות ג fous n.pr.m. (El doth bless, of. Ph. ברבבעל‎ pale בל ברך‎ Vog"”, Bab. Bariki-iliOpp TASTER Nove eCe 9 father ia Elihu Jb 327°. Tarp יר רכ‎ n.pr.m. (S712 s. Yah blesseth Ges” 9 father of a Zechariah in Isaiah’s time Is 8%; usually in abbreviated form as foll.: m222, 1. son of Zerubbabel 1 Ch 3% 2. a Levite guard of the ark 1Cho%15*. 3. father of Meshullam, one of Nehemiah’s chiefs Ne 3**° 6'8. 4. father of the prophet Zechariah Ze 1'= 373 v’; בַּרְכְיָהוּ‎ also 5. father of Asaph 106" 15), 6. Ephraimite chief 2 Ch 28”. THINS, WIAD v. MNP! supra. (cf. Ar. an twist a rope of twostrands).‏ ברם / ברמים‎ n[m.] variegated cloth (Ar. - בע‎ rope (or fabric) of two strands or colours ; cf. As. birmu, a kind of clothing COTS, burmu, tris, 211 9755; on burimu cf. J 6 p>) pia Ez 27%, NIN: 6 .קדש,ב"‎ Tyra n.pr.m. king of Sodom Gn 14? (Vv unknown ; © Badaa). Taya n.pr.m. 1. a son of Asher Gn

• From A Hebrew and English Lexicon of the Old Testament (BDB) (1907)

  bended knees: acc. ”* ברך‎ Gn 24*)1( Dt 8° Ju 57° 1Ch29”™ 2 Ch20"31° Neg’ ~16' 26" 34° 63° 103722 זז‎ = p34)? ברבי ;1457 ד‎ 4 ברך שם ;*'104 ?)103 ץ נפשי את‎ bless the name of Yahweh Ne 9° ברך ;"145° 100% 967 ץש‎ אלהים‎ Jos 22% y 66° 687 (doubtless for an original יהוה‎ (, with זל‎ Ch 29”; אָוָן‎ 7120 15 66° (of idolatrous worship). 2. God blesses a. men: abs. Nu 23” (E) 109%; with acc. Gn ao 48” Ex 20% Nu 24! Jos 24” (E) Gn 12% go 2426" 30%” 30° 49” Jos 17° (J) Gn 12% (2 g! 1 251 26%** 283 359 4 483 Nu 6227 (P) Dt a gr 433 got rae ות‎ TO 23 24% .9 26” 288 30% Ju ו % 2 ד‎ -12 ia I Ch 4° 1 26° 2 Ch 31% Ne 8* Ru 2* 7 + 5 28° 29! ד "107 "677 למ‎ 728° 134° 1478 Pr 3° 15107 517 61° 706 31% Hg 2”. b. things: sabbath Gn 2* Ex 20" (P); field Gn 277 (E); bread Ex 23” (E); work Dt 28° Jb 1” ef. Dt 337 ץש‎ 65" 132”. 3. men bless men: priests & kings בשם י'‎ Dt 10° 21° 2 ₪ 6% 1 Ch 16° 23% W129°; Melchizedek Abraham Ss 14”; Moses Dt 33' Ex 12% 39%; Joshua Jos 14% 22°"; priests Ly 97 Nu 65 Dt 27” Jos8* 202307 + ד‎ Solomon 1. 8'** (=2Ch6*); David 5 63 (=1 Ch 16*) 19”; Eli tS 2"; Balaam Nu 22* 2311-9 24; fathers, esp. on death- nel Gn 27% +12 t. Gn 27 (all JE) 28'* (P) 32) (E) 48° (Ey 20°" 497 Q) 2813”; in consecrating a sacrifice 1% 4. salute, greet, with an invocation of blessing (stronger than :(שלום‎ with thee will Israel bless Gn‏ בך יברך ישראל 48°(E). a. in meeting Gn 47‘ (P) 2 K 49 10” | 1813”. b. in departing Gn24”(J) 47° (P) 1K 8%. c. by messengers 18 25% 288" 1Ch 18°. d. in gratitude Jb 31” Pr 30" Nerr’.

• From Pleasure Activism (2017)

  Write up your pleasure activism lineage! Who awakened your senses? Who politicized your experiences of body, identity, sensation, feeling good? If they are still living, have you thanked them properly? If yes, good, do it again. If not, reach out. If they are ancestors, honor them with a pleasure altar covered in sticky fruit, sweet smells, sacred water, and thick earth, centered around fire. Gratitude is part of pleasure too. 18 Yes, I said “heard”—get your life by searching for the video in which you can hear Audre Lorde read the essay while looking at her incredible face.19 See Audre Lorde, “Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic as Power,” this volume, p. 27.20 Learn more about my facilitation and training work at www.alliedmedia.org/esii.21 “An Interview with Toni Cade Bambara,” by Kay Bonetti, in Conversations with Toni Cade Bambara, ed. Thabiti Lewis, (Jackson: University Press of Mississippi, 2012), 35–47.Uses of the EroticThe Erotic as Power Audre Lorde There are many kinds of power, used and unused, acknowledged or otherwise.22 The erotic is a resource within each of us that lies in a deeply female and spiritual plane, firmly rooted in the power of our unexpressed or unrecognized feeling.23 In order to perpetuate itself, every oppression must corrupt or distort those various sources of power within the culture of the oppressed that can provide energy for change. For women, this has meant a suppression of the erotic as a considered source of power and information within our lives. We have been taught to suspect this resource, vilified, abused, and devalued within western society. On the one hand, the superficially erotic has been encouraged as a sign of female inferiority; on the other hand, women have been made to suffer and to feel both contemptible and suspect by virtue of its existence. It is a short step from there to the false belief that only by the suppression of the erotic within our lives and consciousness can women be truly strong. But that strength is illusory, for it is fashioned within the context of male models of power. As women, we have come to distrust that power which rises from our deepest and nonrational knowledge. We have been warned against it all our lives by the male world, which values this depth of feeling enough to keep women around in order to exercise it in the service of men, but which fears this same depth too much to examine the possibilities of it within themselves. So women are maintained at a distant/inferior position to be psychically milked, much the same way ants maintain colonies of aphids to provide a life-giving substance for their masters. But the erotic offers a well of replenishing and provocative force to the woman who does not fear its revelation, nor succumb to the belief that sensation is enough.

• From Generation Anxiety: A Millennial and Gen Z Guide to Staying Afloat in an Uncertain World (2023)

  If you’ve ever had a panic attack, you know how brutal it can be. I’ve been to therapy for these experiences throughout my life and I’ve seen what has worked . . . and what hasn’t. As you’ll see throughout this book, talk therapy is just one path to healing. There are so many options, both evidence based and less researched (but heartily client endorsed), that can work for you. I invite you to have an open mind about what you need—and not just blindly follow what someone is telling you to do. Whether it’s acupuncture, massage therapy, exercise, art therapy, or naturopathy, there are so many tools that go beyond a Westernized approach to care. While I’m all for well-researched methods, I’m just as much for client advocacy and culturally centered forms of healing. If it feels like it is helping you (even though the research may not strictly back it up), then that is enough when it comes to anxiety management. There’s also something I want to be clear on before we proceed. As a feminist therapist, I think it’s crucial that we eliminate the power differential where I am perceived as the expert and you, the client, are perceived as the student in need. If anything, you and I are both just trying to figure this thing out together. Yes, I worked hard to get my credentials and my license number as a practicing psychologist. I would hope that the time, dollars, and energy would allow me to proffer something fruitful and valuable to you. But at the end of the day, I’m right alongside you—coming to this work humbly and with a sense of open curiosity. I’m also sharing composite stories from the therapy space based on recurrent themes that I have seen from some of the hundreds of clients I have worked with, in the hope that you will see your stories in theirs. All client identities and life details have been protected so that their confidentiality is maintained at all times. The demographics and experiences I will share are compilations of different cases, so that no one client is recognizable. Thus, if you were to go out looking for Mikaela, Jacob, Nikita, or any of the “clients” you’re soon to meet, you wouldn’t find them, as the specific person described in each chapter doesn’t in fact exist in the real world. What does exist are the thoughts, feelings, and actions portrayed here in this book as I have seen these patterns of anxiety play out time and time again. As you hear these client journeys, may you be heartened in knowing that you are not alone in your own battle with anxiety and pain.

• From Pleasure Activism (2017)

  Alexis’s note: I have read and written about the work of Toni Cade Bambara for decades. I have sifted through her archival papers at Spelman College (which, by the way, consist of ideas written on napkins, candy wrappers, coupons, and receipts). But when I thought about what I knew about Toni Cade Bambara and pleasure, I realized I knew it best through my own lived experience, my own incredible fortune of having been loved, mentored, and taught by five Black women who create joy and clarity in the tradition of Toni Cade Bambara. So this offering is gratitude and celebration for the lessons of Toni Cade Bambara, not through her texts but through my personal witness of the impact of her self-identified students, loved ones, mentees, and collaborators: scholar Farah Jasmine Griffin, filmmaker and activist Aishah Shahidah Simmons, artist and abolitionist Kai Lumumba Barrow, healer and organizer Cara Page, and editor and intellectual activist Cheryll Y. Greene. With love. Alexis. The Gift for Farah Jasmine Griffin Those of us that have been taught by Farah Griffin have felt cherished. Not precious. Not perfect. Not without growing to do. But necessary. And dreamt of. And held. And when she helps us. When she reads our work. When she writes us recommendations. When we turn back to thank her, she says: “Oh, it’s my pleasure.” And we believe her. Farah Griffin is grace. Gifted from the practiced mouths and lungs, the practiced muscles and lines of Black women who believed in freedom diligently enough to call out for it. Farah Jasmine Griffin writes about Black women, in relation, connected to generations of other Black women, connected to multi-gendered communities of possibility. Connected to her own self in a way that has space for critique but is never expendable. For Toni Cade Bambara, Farah Jasmine Griffin is a daughter of Philadelphia, one of the several Black cities in which Bambara lived and loved. In the tradition of Toni Cade Bambara, Farah Griffin is a daydreamer and nightdreamer of Harlem. A celebrant, curator, and critical participant in the Black culture of sound, spirit, and word happening in Harlem now, documenting a legacy of generations. For Toni Cade Bambara, Farah Griffin is a disciple willing to follow her not only to Cuba but also to the dangerous and hopeful places of Black girl possibility, perspective, and precarity.

• From Pleasure Activism (2017)

  Seven years later, I have a much deeper understanding of the ways that my desires for partnership and intimacy have also been shaped by my childhood trauma. My desire for gender transition did serve as an important guide for my politics. That desire was powerful and unwavering in the face of oppression and violence on the institutional and individual levels. Additionally, that desire led me to learn about queer, antiracist, and anticolonial politics in an effort to better understand my own heritage as a mixed-race first-generation Colombian-American woman born in the United States. I see now how my long-term partners in relationships did provide me with a great deal of emotional support, and I am profoundly grateful for their care and patience. Often, being in a relationship with a trans woman can mean putting yourself into a small degree of the danger she is facing. On too many occasions to count, I had partners stand up for me verbally or even physically, putting themselves in harm’s way for my safety. Additionally, I had partners who provided emotional and financial stability through some of my most difficult times. I will never forget these kind acts of generosity. Today I am profoundly grateful for the healing I have found in the past few years. Once I was stable in my career, I was able to shift my focus to emotional healing. Thanks to a nonhierarchical, spiritual community of women that I encountered, I began to be able to see the connections between my childhood trauma, the violence I had experienced, and my own choices. I have, in recent years, finally been able to build a deep self-love and self-respect that I did not learn from queer communities or radical political communities, where I often felt further devalued, excluded, and objectified. I have found a refuge in people committed to healing, service, and sobriety, and this has given me the tools to question my desire and my part in putting myself in situations that caused me to feel devalued. By finding a supportive community, I have come to understand how my desires in intimate relationships have been shaped by trauma and have often re-created those traumas. I agreed to contribute to this anthology with the hope of sharing my experience and strength in finding new, healthy forms of desire and intimacy. Now I see that I have to actually love myself. Through devotion to self-care, meditation, and the practice of self-love and directing lovingkindness, or metta, toward myself, I am starting to feel a self-love that provides me a basis to feel love for others and receive love that is more than just validation. In her essay “Situated Knowledges,” Donna Haraway put it simply when she said “we are not immediately present to ourselves.”80 This is especially true for survivors of trauma and for people who have generations of trauma history, such as the traumas of alcoholism, abuse, war, and colonization.

• From Pleasure Activism (2017)

  Taja. I’m just so grateful to be able to do the work that I’m doing in the times that we’re in. Figuring out how to be a multidimensional human being inside of a system that wants us to choose just one aspect of ourselves. Being able to be an artist and put a lot of time into that. Cultivating such beautiful communities who are reflections of me in different ways, and I’m just so grateful that I get to be alive during this time. I remember thinking in high school when I would read about the civil rights movement and just being like, damn, I think I was born at the wrong time. amb. Yes! I totally felt that! Taja. I was like, dammit, I think I was supposed to come down here earlier, what’s going on? And then: now I look around, and I’m, like, “girlll.” amb. You were not late for your whole life. Taja. Right, not late at all. There is so much more work to do, and I’m grateful to just be alive and doing that work. 105 Julia Cameron, The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Life to Higher Creativity (New York: TarcherPerigree, 1992).106 Collins, Black Feminist Thought.107 Carter Godwin Woodson, The Mis-education of the Negro (Trenton, NJ: Africa World Press, 1998); Malcolm X and Alex Haley, The Autobiography of Malcolm X (New York: Ballantine Publishing Group, 1965).Burlesque and LiberationMichi Osato and Una Osato [image file=image_rsrc3M5.jpg] Michi Ilona Osato and Una Aya Osato are sisters, performers, writers, and educators who use burlesque to explore their identities as queer femmes of color. They are co-founders, with Dawn Crandell (aka Miss AuroraBoobRealis), of brASS Burlesque: Brown RadicalAss Burlesque, a multidisciplinary performance troupe based in New York City. brASS uses their unique perspectives as femmes of color as a lens to the myriad issues they are faced with in society. Through celebrations of their politicized bodies, they are making politics sexy and empowering audiences to value their own stories and use their creativity toward collective action. Una, aka exHOTic other, aka Norms, is a queer femme Japanese self-loving anti-Zionist Jew. She is a performer, writer, and educator from the far, far east … of NYC. Her love for fully embodying her politics led her to burlesque. ExHOTic other has performed in dozens of venues, from New York City’s iconic Joe’s Pub to the bright lights of Vegas for the Miss Exotic World and Burlesque Hall of Fame competitions. Una is also an award-winning actor and playwright who tours her work nationally and internationally, while, duh, eating orientalism for brunch. Since graduating from Wesleyan University, she has created six award-winning shows that she performs in theaters, festivals, conferences, clubs, universities, community organizations, classrooms, and prisons.

• From Pleasure Activism (2017)

  I don’t remember the answer I gave to that Stanford student that day, but I do know that I’ve been attempting to answer his question ever since. I’m grateful for the uncertainty. The intervention I hope to make through my own scholarship is to articulate a politics of pleasure that positions pleasure not only as desirable goal and a social and political imperative, but also as an under-theorized resistance strategy for black women in the United States and the Caribbean. In doing so, I hope to make a contribution to black feminist thought that encourages recognition of black women’s pleasure (sexual and otherwise) as not only an integral part of fully realized humanity, but one that understands that a politics of pleasure is capable of intersecting, challenging, and redefining dominant narratives about race, beauty, health and sex in ways that are generative and necessary.

• From H Is for Hawk (2014)

  The next day out on the hill Mabel learns, I suppose, what she is for. She chases a pheasant. It crashes into the brambles beneath a tall hedge. She lands on top of the hedge, peering down, her plumage bright against the dark earth of the further slope. I start running. I think I remember where the pheasant has gone. I convince myself it was never there at all. I know it is there. Clay sticks to my heels and slows me down. I’m in a world of slowly freezing mud, and even the air seems to be getting harder to run through. Mabel is waiting for me to flush the pheasant, if only I knew where it was. Now I am at the hedge, trying to find it, constructing what will happen next scenarios in my head, and at this point they’re narrowing fast, towards point zero, when the pheasant will fly. I cannot see Stuart and Mandy any more, though I know they must be there. I’m crashing through brambles and sticks, dimly aware of the catch and rip of thorns in my flesh. Now I cannot see the hawk because I am searching for the pheasant, so I have to work out what she is doing by putting myself in her mind – and so I become both the hawk in the branches above and the human below. The strangeness of this splitting makes me feel I am walking under myself, and sometimes away from myself. Then for a moment everything becomes dotted lines, and the hawk, the pheasant and I merely elements in a trigonometry exercise, each of us labelled with soft italic letters. And now I am so invested in the hawk and the pheasant’s relative positions that my consciousness cuts loose entirely, splits into one or the other, first the hawk looking down, second the pheasant in the brambles looking up, and I move over the ground as if I couldn’t possibly affect anything in the world. There is no way I can flush this pheasant. I’m not here. Time stretches and slows. There’s a sense of panic at this point, a little buffet of fear that’s about annihilation and my place in the world. But then the pheasant is flushed, a pale and burring chunk of muscle and feathers, and the hawk crashes from the hedge towards it. And all the lines that connect heart and head and future possibilities, those lines that also connect me with the hawk and the pheasant and with life and death, suddenly become safe, become tied together in a small muddle of feathers and gripping talons that stand in mud in the middle of a small field in the middle of a small county in a small country on the edge of winter.

• From Get Out of Your Head: Stopping the Cycle of Anxious Thoughts (2020)

  He prepared good works in advance for you so that a whole lot of other people could be set free.5 When we take every thought captive and reclaim our thinking patterns from the lies of the enemy, we are set free to set others free. May we steward our freedom well. God, I pray that You would set this reader free. God, in Your power would You help us fight the enemy hell-bent on destroying us and help us remember that the power to choose a different way is ours in You? And then help us give that away to a world aching for a new way to think and live. In Jesus’s name, amen. To the guy who always gets me out of my head. Zac Allen, you rescue me from myself constantly and always point me to Jesus. I love you and I like you. Acknowledgments I’ve written a few books, and this by a million miles was the most difficult. Maybe it’s because of the war I had to personally fight not just to write this book but to live this book. Or maybe it’s because this matters so much and hell was against it. But no matter the reason, I couldn’t have made it through this process without the small army God has placed in my life not only to help me do what He’s called me to do but, more important, to help me live how He’s called me to live. First up is God. You fought for me when nothing but You could have saved me. Thank You for setting me free not just from my sin but from the toxic ways I’d become stuck and barely noticed. I’ll never get over the great saving blood of Jesus Christ and that You would save a wretch like me. Zac, you are the best teammate I could ever dream of, and none of this would exist without you: from sending me on writing retreats while you covered car pool and homework and meals, to comforting me in all my doubts and fears, to believing in this mission God has placed on our lives. As you always say, you’ll get all the credit in heaven. We all know it’s true. To my kids, Conner, Kate, Caroline, and Cooper, who seem to never resent this costly calling. In fact, not only do you not resent it; you celebrate and champion everything I do. I’ve watched God grow you from people who need me to people who challenge me daily. You’re some of my favorite people on earth, so bonus that I get to be your mom. Chloe Hamaker, you believe in me more than I believe in myself. This isn’t a job to you; it’s a calling.

• From H Is for Hawk (2014)

  Acknowledgements My thanks go first to those people who made this book possible, and two in particular: to my wonderful agent Jessica Woollard, for her friendship, expertise and long-standing support, and to my inspiring and extraordinary editor Dan Franklin at Jonathan Cape. I’d also like to thank everyone at the Marsh Agency, and Clare Bullock, Ruth Waldram, Joe Pickering and everyone else at Jonathan Cape who worked on this book behind the scenes. For their patience, warmth and expertise during my research visit to the Harry Ransom Research Center at the University of Texas, Austin, I’d like to thank Jean M. Cannon, Pat Fox, Margi Tenney, and Richard Workman. And in Buckinghamshire, particular thanks to William Goldsmith, who showed me around Stowe School. The greatest of love and thanks to my mother, brother, Cheryl, Aimee, Bea, and the rest of my family, of course, for letting me tell this story without even a flicker of worry about what I might say. And love and gratitude also to Christina McLeish, the best of friends and superb underfalconer, who was a fount of support after my father’s death and during the writing of this book, and Olivia Laing, whose own books are a constant inspiration and whose wise counsel and good humour kept me writing; and to Stuart Fall and Amanda Lingham, who helped me through very dark times, and my surrogate American family: Erin Gott, Paige Parkhill, Jim and Harriet Gott, Wyatt and Curran Gott, who always make me feel at home. So many people helped me with friendship, love, inspiration, encouragement, or in other ways while I wrote this book. Thanks are due to them all: Pat Baylis, Steve Bodio, Lee Brindley, Tim Button, Tracy Carmichael, Jake Daum, Tim Dee, Steve Delaney, John Gallagher, Andrew Hunter, Tony James, Polly Appleby and Archie James, Conor Jameson, Boris Jardine, Nick Jardine, Bill Jones, Lauren Kassell, Tim Lewens and Emma Gilby, Josh Lida, Greg Liebenhals, John Loft, Robert Macfarlane and Julia Lovell, Robert and Margaret Mair, Scott McNeff, Gordon Mellor, Toby Metcalf, Patricia Monk, Adam Norrie, Rebecca O’Connor, Ian Patterson, Robert Penney, John Pittman, Marzena Pogorzaly, Joanna Rabiger, Mike Rampey, Joe Ryan for his chaffinches, Katharine Stubbs, and Lydia Wilson. Special thanks to Andrew Metcalf and to Fiona Mozley. And to Chris Wormell for his exquisite cover image. And last of all, and most of all, I would like to thank my father, who taught me how to love the moving world, and to my beautiful hawk who taught me how to fly in it after he was gone. Mabel flew for many more seasons before a sudden, untreatable infection with Aspergillosis – an awful airborne fungus – carried her from her aviary to the dark woods where dwell the lost and dead. She is much missed.

• From Tipping the Velvet (1998)

  You’ll have to leave at eight, of course, when I do.’ I nodded quickly. I wouldn’t think about the morning, just yet.There was an awkward silence. She looked so tired and ordinary I had a foolish urge to kiss her cheek good-night, as Ralph had. Of course, I did not; I only took a step towards her as she nodded to me and prepared to make her way upstairs, and said, ‘I am more grateful to you, Mrs Banner, than I can say. You have been very kind to me - you, who hardly know me; and more especially your husband, who doesn’t know me at all.’As I spoke she turned to me, and blinked. Then she placed her hand on a chair-back, and smiled a curious smile. ‘Did you think he was my husband?’ she said. I hesitated, suddenly flustered.‘Well, I -’‘He ain’t my husband! He’s my brother.’ Her brother! She continued to smile at my confusion, and then to laugh: for a moment she was the pert girl I had spoken with in Green Street, all those months before...But then the baby, in the room above us, gave a cry, and we both raised our eyes to the sound, and I felt myself blush. And when she saw that, her smile faded. ‘Cyril ain’t mine,’ she said quickly, ‘though I call him mine. His mother used to lodge with us, and we took him on when she - left us. He is very dear to us, now...’The awkward way she said it showed there was some story there - perhaps the mother was in prison; perhaps the baby was really a cousin‘s, or a sister’s, or a sweetheart’s of Ralph’s. Such things happened often enough in Whitstable families: I didn’t think much of it. I only nodded; and then I yawned. And seeing me, she yawned too.‘Good-night, Miss Astley,’ she said from behind her hand. She did not look like the Green Street girl now. She looked only weary again, and plainer than ever.I waited a moment while she stepped upstairs - I heard her shuffling above me, and guessed of course that she must share her chamber with the baby - then I took up a lamp, and made my way out to the privy. The yard was very small, and overlooked on every side by walls and darkened windows; I lingered for a second on the chilly flags, gazing at the stars, sniffing at the unfamiliar, faintly riverish, faintly cabbagey, scents of East London.

• From Pleasure Activism (2017)

  65 This essay first appeared as adrienne maree brown, “The Pleasure Dome: Use Your Words,” March 21, 2018, Bitch Media (blog) https://www.bitchmedia.org/article/the-pleasure-dome/use-your-words.66 Check out the work of Generative Somatics: Somatic Transformation and Social Justice (www.generativesomatics.org) or Generation Five (www.generationfive.org) for more on survival.section four: The Politics of Radical Drug UseI got high last night and took my man to his wife’s front door. —Dinah Washington, Me and My Gin, 1958 I am so grateful for the many drugs I have had the chance to try out in my lifetime and for coming across harm reduction early in my life. In this section I will touch on my personal experiences with weed and ecstasy, and include an interview with the director of the Harm Reduction Coalition. I could have also included a long piece on the wonders of mushrooms, which I recommend as a detox for the spirit, much the way they can detox the earth. But with mushrooms, with all drugs, the most important thing is taking the substance seriously and reducing potential harms so that you can access the magic, so really tune in to the interview with Monique Tula, and apply it to your next mushroom adventure. In general, I want to encourage people to be safe and adventurous and open about drug use. Repression and the myth of control around drug use leads to overuse, overdose, and incarceration. May we all be honest about the substances we need and use and educated about how to interact with substances in healthy, connected ways. Weed On, Weed OffI’m high, and I just decided: Why not write from this place?67 One instant reason not to do it is because I can’t tell if there should be a question mark on that first line or something different, because I’m quoting my mind. But it’s not deterring me. I’m persisting. I don’t want to write too much because I’m trying to feel the absence of responsibility for a minute … so I’m just going to leave some questions or prompts for my not-high self to reflect on: Is weed de debbil? Harm reduction. Why is it the ultimate sign of relaxation to fall asleep on the couch? Legalize it? *** Can’t remember what to write in here. Time to solo dance party. *** It’s the morning after, and I’ve awakened to prompts. First, obviously, weed is not the devil. I grew up during the war on drugs, in a country that has used drugs and criminalization to advance hierarchy rooted in racism. My first memory of this was the alarmist educational setting of D.A.R.E., where I learned that weed makes people lazy and untrustworthy and would kill my brain cells while also serving as a gateway drug to addiction to heroin or crack. Now marijuana is used as legal medicine in several states and being legalized from coast to coast. Where was the lie?

• From Fields of Blood: Religion and the History of Violence (2014)

  147 The troops immediately released the captives and relinquished all their booty; specially appointed officials “saw to the relief of the prisoners. From the booty, they clothed all those of them who were naked; they gave them clothing and sandals, and provided them with food, drink and shelter. They mounted all those who were infirm on donkeys, and took them back to their kinsmen in Jericho.” 148 These priests were probably monotheists; in Babylonia, paganism had lost its allure for the exiles. The prophet who had hailed Cyrus as the messiah also uttered the first fully monotheistic statement in the Bible: “Am I not Yahweh?” he makes the God of Israel demand repeatedly. “There is no other god beside me.” 149 Yet the monotheism of these priests had not made them intolerant, bloodthirsty, or cruel; rather, the reverse is true. Other postexilic prophets were more aggressive. Inspired by Darius’s ideology, they looked forward to a “day of wonder” when Yahweh would rule the entire world and there would be no mercy for nations who resisted: “Their flesh will moulder while they are still standing on their feet; their eyes will rot in their sockets; their tongues will rot in their mouths.” 150 They imagined Israel’s former enemies processing meekly each year to Jerusalem, the new Susa, bearing rich gifts and tribute. 151 Others had fantasies of the Israelites who had been deported by Assyria being carried tenderly home, 152 while their former oppressors prostrated themselves before them and kissed their feet. 153 One prophet had a vision of Yahweh’s glory shining over Jerusalem, the center of a redeemed world and a haven of peace—yet a peace achieved only by ruthless repression. These prophets may have been inspired by the new monotheism. It seems that a strong monarchy often generates the cult of a supreme deity, creator of the political and natural order. A century or more of experiencing the strong rule of such monarchs as Nebuchadnezzar and Darius may have led to the desire to make Yahweh as powerful as they. It is a fine example of the “embeddedness” of religion and politics, which works two ways: not only does religion affect policy, but politics can shape theology. Yet these prophets were also surely motivated by that all-too-human desire to see their enemies suffer as they had—an impulse that the Golden Rule had been designed to modify. They would not be the last to adapt the aggressive ideology of the ruling power to their own traditions and, in so doing, distort them. In this case Yahweh, originally the fierce opponent of the violence and cruelty of empire, had been transformed into an arch imperialist. 8 Crusade and Jihad P ope Gregory VII (r. 1073–85) was deeply disturbed to hear that hordes of Turkish tribesmen had invaded Byzantine territory, and in 1074 he dispatched a series of letters summoning the faithful to join him in “liberating” their brothers in Anatolia.

• From Generation Anxiety: A Millennial and Gen Z Guide to Staying Afloat in an Uncertain World (2023)

  Editor: Soyolmaa Lkhagvadorj Designer: Danielle Youngsmith Managing Editor: Glenn Ramirez Production Manager: Larry Pekarek Library of Congress Control Number: 2023933936 ISBN: 978-1-4197-6801-9 eISBN: 979-8-88707-022-3 Text copyright © 2023 Lauren Cook Cover © 2023 Abrams Published in 2023 by Abrams Image, an imprint of ABRAMS. All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, mechanical, electronic, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without written permission from the publisher. Abrams Image books are available at special discounts when purchased in quantity for premiums and promotions as well as fundraising or educational use. Special editions can also be created to specification. For details, contact specialsales@abramsbooks.com or the address below. Abrams Image® is a registered trademark of Harry N. Abrams, Inc. ABRAMS The Art of Books 195 Broadway, New York, NY 10007 abramsbooks.com To Greg: This too shall pass . . . and that’s why I don’t want to miss a moment of this life with you. To my new son, Derek: I’m so glad that I didn’t let my anxiety stop me from living out the most incredible adventure by welcoming you into the world. And to my Siamese cat, Mochi: Because more books should be dedicated to our pets, as they’re the ultimate antidote for our anxiety. Mochi is no exception. CONTENTS INTRODUCTION IF YOU FEEL LIKE YOU’RE DROWNING, IT’S NOT JUST YOU CHAPTER ONE FACING YOUR OCEAN CHAPTER TWO WHEN THE WATERS OF ANXIETY ARE ALL AROUND YOU CHAPTER THREE WELCOME THE WAVES CHAPTER FOUR EMBRACING THE RIDE EVEN WHEN YOUR OCEAN IS COLD AND SCARY CHAPTER FIVE WHAT’S BELOW THE SURFACE CHAPTER SIX FOR WHEN YOU’RE IN SHARK-INFESTED WATERS CHAPTER SEVEN KNOW WHO YOUR LIFEGUARDS ARE AND WHERE THEY ARE CHAPTER EIGHT SUPPORTING YOUR FELLOW SURFERS FROM AFAR CHAPTER NINE THE SELF-CARE STRATEGIES THAT HELP YOU STAY AFLOAT CHAPTER TEN WHEN YOUR SURFBOARD BREAKS CHAPTER ELEVEN GETTING BACK OUT THERE AFTER A WIPEOUT CONCLUSION YOU’RE DOING IT ALREADY ACKNOWLEDGMENTS ABOUT THE AUTHOR ENDNOTES INTRODUCTION IF YOU FEEL LIKE YOU’RE DROWNING, IT’S NOT JUST YOU “Jack. Jack! There’s a boat.” We all know that famous scene at the end of Titanic when Kate Winslet is staring at a freezing Leonardo DiCaprio after the unsinkable boat has indeed sunk. As Rose (played by Winslet) lies belly-down across the length of the door in her life jacket, we see Jack clinging to the side with just his head afloat. By the time the lifeboat comes by, Rose realizes that it’s too late and she has to let Jack go into the frigid abyss. What really has become meme-worthy today, though, is the realization that the doorframe Kate Winslet was lying on was definitely big enough for the two of them. While Rose stayed warmish on that big block of cedar, her newfound love had to cling to the side, Mufasa-style, before the wildebeests came.

• From Dreams from My Father: A Story of Race and Inheritance (1995)

  “Yes, Barry, your father suffered,” she repeated. “I am telling you, his problem was that his heart was too big. When he lived, he would just give to everybody who asked him. And they all asked. You know, he was one of the first in the whole district to study abroad. The people back home, they didn’t even know anyone else who had ridden in an airplane before. So they expected everything from him. ‘Ah, Barack, you are a big shot now. You should give me something. You should help me.’ Always these pressures from family. And he couldn’t say no, he was so generous. You know, even me he had to take care of when I became pregnant, he was very disappointed in me. He had wanted me to go to college. But I would not listen to him, and went off with my husband. And despite this thing, when my husband became abusive and I had to leave, no money, no job, who do you think took me in? Yes—it was him. That’s why, no matter what others sometimes say, I will always be grateful to him.” We were approaching the garage shop; up ahead, we could see Auma talking to her mechanic and hear the engine of the old VW whine. Beside us, a naked boy, maybe three years old, wandered out from behind a row of oil drums, his feet caked with what looked like tar. Again Zeituni stopped, this time as if suddenly ill, and spat into the dust. “When your father’s luck changed,” she said, “these same people he had helped, they forgot him. They laughed at him. Even family refused to have him stay in their houses. Yes, Barry! Refused! They would tell Barack it was too dangerous. I knew this hurt him, but he wouldn’t pass blame. Your father never held a grudge. In fact, when he was rehabilitated and doing well again, I would find out that he was giving help to these same people who had betrayed him. Ah, I could not understand this thing. I would tell him, ‘Barack, you should only look after yourself and your children! These others, they have treated you badly. They are just too lazy to work for themselves.’ And you know what he would say to me? He would say, ‘How do you know that man does not need this small thing more than me?’” My aunt turned away and, forcing a smile, waved to Auma. And as we began to walk forward, she added, “I tell you this so you will know the pressure your father was under in this place. So you don’t judge him too harshly. And you must learn from his life. If you have something, then everyone will want a piece of it. So you have to draw the line somewhere. If everyone is family, no one is family. Your father, he never understood this, I think.”