Fear

Passages

Every passage tagged with this emotion in the Vela corpus. Search the body text, narrow by source or register, click through to a book’s profile to see how the passage sits with the rest of the work.

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• From The Great Transformation (2006)

  For five years, they fought a desperate battle for survival. In pre-Islamic Arabia, warriors were merciless. If they had managed to conquer the Muslim community, the Meccans would certainly have exterminated every man, and enslaved every woman and child. During this dark time, some of the revelations of the Qur’an instructed Muslims about conduct on the battlefield. Islam was not a religion of ahimsa, but the Qur’an permitted only defensive warfare. It condemned war as “an awesome evil,” and forbade Muslims to initiate hostilities. 70 Aggression was strictly prohibited; there must be no preemptive strikes. But sometimes it was regrettably necessary to fight in order to preserve decent values. 71 It was permissible to defend yourself if you were attacked, and while the war lasted, Muslims must fight wholeheartedly, pursuing the enemy vigorously in order to bring things back to normal. But the second the enemy sued for peace, hostilities must cease, and Muslims must accept any terms that were offered. 72 War was not the best way of dealing with conflict. It was better to sit down and reason with the enemy, as long as arguments were conducted “in the most kindly manner.” It was much better to forgive, and be forbearing, “since God is with those who are patient in adversity.” 73 The word jihad did not mean “holy war.” Its primary meaning was “struggle.” It was difficult to put God’s will into practice in a cruel, dangerous world, and Muslims were commanded to make an effort on all fronts: social, economic, intellectual, and spiritual. Sometimes it might be necessary to fight, but an important and highly influential tradition puts warfare in a subordinate position. It is said that on returning from a battle, Muhammad told his followers: “We are leaving the Lesser Jihad [the war] and returning to the Greater Jihad,” the infinitely more momentous and urgent challenge to reform our own societies and our own hearts. Later Muslim law elaborated on these Qur’anic directives. Muslims were forbidden to fight except in self-defense; retaliation must be strictly proportionate; it was not permitted to make war on a country where Muslims were able to practice their religion freely; civilian deaths must be avoided; no trees could be cut down; and buildings must not be burned. During the five-year war with Mecca, atrocities were committed on both sides, as was customary in the bloodbath of pre-Islamic Arabia. Bodies were mutilated, and after one of the Jewish tribes of Medina tried to assassinate the prophet and plotted with Mecca to open the gates of the settlement during a siege, the men of the clan were executed. But as soon as the balance shifted in his favor, Muhammad cut the destructive cycle of strike and counterstrike, and pursued an astonishingly daring nonviolent policy. In 628 CE he announced that he wanted to make the hajj pilgrimage and invited the Muslim volunteers to accompany him.

• From The Great Transformation (2006)

  We can see the development of this Axial vision in the prophetic career of the young priest Ezekiel, who was deported to Babylon in 597 and settled in the village of Tel Aviv—Springtime Hill—near the Chebar Canal. He had a series of visions, which marked his painful passage from agonizing terror to a more peaceful, interior spirituality. In 593, just five years after he had been taken into exile, while Jerusalem and its temple were still standing, Ezekiel had a bewildering vision on the banks of the Chebar.21 There was a strong wind; he saw flashes of lightning, thunder, and smoke; and in the midst of this stormy obscurity, Ezekiel could just make out four extraordinary creatures, each with four heads, pulling a war chariot. They beat their wings with a deafening sound, like “rushing water, like the voice of Shaddai, like a storm, like the noise of a camp.” On the chariot was something “like” a throne, on which sat a “being that looked like a man,” with fire shooting from its limbs, yet it also “looked like the glory of Yahweh.” A hand reached out, clasping a scroll “inscribed with lamentations, wailings, moanings,” and before he could bring the divine message to his people, Ezekiel was forced to eat it, painfully assimilating the violence and sorrow of his time. God had become incomprehensible—as alien as Ezekiel felt in Tel Aviv. The trauma of exile had smashed the neat, rationalistic God of the Deuteronomists; it was no longer possible to see Yahweh as a friend who shared a meal with Abraham, or as a king presiding powerfully over his divine council. Ezekiel’s vision made no sense; it was utterly transcendent, beyond human categories. The scroll that was handed to him contained no clear directives, like the Deuteronomists’ sefer torah; it offered no certainty, but expressed only inchoate cries of grief and pain. It was a martial vision, filled with the confusion and terror of warfare. Instead of a celestial throne, Yahweh appeared on a war chariot—the equivalent of today’s tank or fighter jet. The message that Ezekiel was to deliver was little more than a threat. He was simply to warn the “defiant and obstinate” exiles that “there is a prophet among them—whether they listen or not.” There could be no tenderness or consolation. Yahweh was going to make Ezekiel as defiant and obstinate as the rest of the people, “his resolution as hard as a diamond and diamond is harder than flint.” Finally Ezekiel was lifted up amidst tumultuous shouting. He felt the hand of Yahweh lying “heavy” upon him; his heart overflowed “with bitterness and anger,” and he lay in Tel Aviv for a week, “like a man stunned.”22

• From The Erotic Mind (1995)

  Once again we see the paradoxes of power. Holly conjures up the image of a power-hungry cop so that she might prevail over him. Erotic scenarios fueled by the dynamics of power often involve similar reversals. The climax of the scene always occurs, as it does for Holly, when the dominator becomes the dominated, the aggressor submits. ESTABLISHING SAFETYMore than a few people have felt an erotic pull toward someone whose social role, race, financial resources, or age created an imbalance of power. Such attractions are usually best explored in fantasy or in role playing with a consenting partner. Even sexual situations that would be abhorrent and traumatic if they actually happened—rape or incest, for example—can become harmless sources of excitement in fantasy or playacting. But what about people who are excited by actually manipulating, overpowering, and violating those who are helpless and vulnerable? Such people do exist and understandably create suspicion and fear, especially among women. I’m struck by how frequently women members of The Group describe the men in their wildest encounters as either gentle or “strong, yet gentle,” while relatively few men emphasize the gentleness of women. I believe a collective female awareness of the potential for unwanted male aggression lies behind this focus on gentleness. For many women, if a partner is gentle he automatically becomes safer. When security is assured, women can appreciate opportunities for healthy dominance and powerful surrender just as much as men. CORNERSTONE 4: OVERCOMING AMBIVALENCEWhenever I speak to groups about the first three cornerstones, nodding heads, knowing grins, and insightful comments communicate a sense of recognition and understanding. After all, if people didn’t immediately recognize the cornerstones, I’d have to question seriously my belief that they provide the most common excitement-boosting obstacles. But as the discussion moves to the erotic significance of ambivalence, signs of recognition are initially outnumbered by puzzled looks. A common question is: How could wanting and not wanting, liking and not liking, being drawn toward and being repulsed, be anything other than confusing and inhibiting? People begin to understand how overcoming ambivalence can be a sexual intensifier when they view the experience of mixed feelings in a larger context—as an inevitable aspect of the human condition. From birth we are all compelled by an inner urge to engage in life with curiosity and wonder. At the same time, the more we discover about the realities of existence, the more we realize that life is painful, dangerous, unpredictable, incomprehensible, notoriously unfair, and then, as the joke goes, we die. Among life’s harshest realities is the fact that virtually everyone is hurt by love, beginning in our family relationships. Even those who are fortunate enough to feel basically loved by one or both parents still must cope with being misunderstood or ignored at times. We are so dependent as young children that it’s difficult to imagine not being emotionally wounded by the people upon whom we depend completely for nurturance and love.

• From Going Clear (2013)

  She was so small I believe she crawled out of the locker up the chain to the poop deck as I remember seeing her coming out of that hole. I don’t remember what she did but it certainly made me swear to myself to never let that happen to me. I believe Lonnie Garrapie (not sure of the spelling), young boy from Canada, was assigned to the chain locker for stealing and throwing people’s belongings, that he stole, over the side—he did that with Kenny Campelman’s silver flute, David Ziff’s jewelry, and other items. Divers were sent over the side to try and retrieve the items, as they were all of great value.” Anonymous former Sea Org member, communication with Lauren Wolf. 118 Hubbard ruled that they: Interview with anonymous former Sea Org member. 119 One little girl, a deaf-mute: Corydon, L. Ron Hubbard, pp. 29–30; Atack, A Piece of Blue Sky, p. 180. 120 “did not have the confront”: Interview with Hana Eltringham Whitfield. 121 “You would say to yourself”: infinitecomplacency.blogspot.com/2010/03/17-tracing-it- back-to-source_29.html. 122 “hidden government”: Hubbard, “Orders of the Day,” Dec. 8, 1968. 123 “useless or unfixable”: “Catherine Harrington,” personal communication. 124 “I like how you Americans work!”: Interview with “Catherine Harrington.” 125 “for your protection”: Ibid. 126 All were registered: Robert Gillette, “Scientology Flagship Shrouded in Mystery,” Los Angeles Times, Aug. 29, 1978, http://www.anti-scientologie.ch/Nan-McLean/Video- Transcript-for-Australia-Final.pdf [inactive]. 127 “the pride of the Panamanian fleet”: “About the Apollo,” undated press release. 128 “the sanest space”: Monica Pignotti, “My Nine Lives in Scientology,” 1989. www.cs.cmu.edu/~dst/Library/Shelf/pignotti/. 129 “secure Morocco”: “Catherine Harrington,” personal communication. 130 Mary Sue was thrilled: Interview with Jim Dincalci. 131 A hundred people were killed: Henry Ginger, “Hassan II: Never Sure He’ll Be King at Nightfall,” New York Times, Aug. 20, 1972. General Oufkir’s daughter Malika placed the toll at “more than two hundred.” Oufkir and Fitoussi, Stolen Lives, 81. 132 creation of an elite guard: Interview with Hana Eltringham Whitfield. 133 “Stop firing!”: Joseph R. Gregory, “Hassan II of Morocco Dies at 70; A Monarch Oriented to the West,” New York Times, July 24, 1999. 134 had committed “suicide”: Oufkir and Fitoussi, Stolen Lives, p. 94. 135 The shaken king turned his attention: Garrison, Playing Dirty, pp. 79–80; Gillette, “Scientology Flagship Shrouded in Mystery,” Los Angeles Times, Aug. 29, 1978. 136 In December 1972: Ali Amar, “Hassan II, Oufkir et l’eglise de scientology,” Le Journal Hebdomadaire, Apr. 15, 2006, www.anti-scientologie.ch/Nan-McLean/Video-Transcript-for- Australia-Final.pdf. 137 “A friend came to me”: Interview with Paulette Cooper. 138 “Your mother was with me”: Church of Scientology California v. Gerald Armstrong. 139 “street-walker”: Letter from Sara Northrup Hubbard Hollister to Paulette Cooper, March 1972. This letter was posted on the Internet at https://whyweprotest.net/community/threads/lrhs-wife-2-wrote-to-paulette-cooper.44174/, but Paulette Cooper verified its authenticity. 140 “In July 1949 I was in Elizabeth”: Church of Scientology California v. Gerald Armstrong.

• From Sources of the Self: The Making of the Modern Identity (1989)

  And to wh at end serve these rules, that exceed our use and excell our stre�gth? 10 The source of this is pride and an empty self-satisfaction: " toute cette nostre suffisa nce , qui est au-dela de la naturelle, e st a peu pres vaine et superflue" (" All our sufficiency, that is beyond the naturall, is well nigh vaine an d superfluous"). 11 We have to discover the huma n balance: ''j'estime p areille injustice prendre a contre coeur les voluptez naturelles que d e les prendre trop a coeur" ("I deeme it an equall injustice, e ither to take naturall sensualities ag ainst the hart, or to take them too neere the hart") . 1 2 A nd Monta i gn e a nticipates Pascal in warning against the terrib le cons e q ue nc es of th is presumptuous rigorism: Exploring "l'Humaine Condition .. · I8I Entre nous, ce sont choses qu e j'ay tousjours veues de singulier accord: les opini ons supercelestes et les meurs sousterraines ... Ils veulent se mettre hors d'eux et escha p per a l 'homme. C'est folie; au lieu de se transformer en anges, ils se transforment en bestes . . . Ces humeu r s transcendantes m'effrayent, commes les lieux hautains et inaccessibles. Supe r -celestiall opinions, and under-terrestriall manners, are things, that 'amongst us, I have ever seen to be of singular accord ... They will be e xempted from them and escape man. It is meere folly, insteade of transforming themselves into Angels, they transchange themselves into beastes ... Such transcending humours affright me as much, as steepy, high and inacces sibl e places. 13 Montaigne, like Lucretius, has an idea o f na ture which is no lon g e r a v ehicle for the deman d s o f moral perfection, but which can be used to fre e us froQ'l what is excessive and tyrannical in t h ese demands. The battle is not the E picurean one with the fear of the gods and thei r punishment, but rather with the contempt and depreciation of our natural bein g which these presumptu ous standards engend er and express . This contempt is often directed at our bodily bei n g. But "c'est tousjours a l'homme que nous avons affa ire, duquel la con diti on est merveilleusement cor porelle" ("It is man with whom we have alwayes t o doe, whose condition is marvelously corporall").1 4 A quoy faire desmembrons nous en divorce u n bas timent tiss u d'une si joincte et fr a ternelle corr es pondance? Au rebours, renouons le par mutuels offices.

• From The Great Transformation (2006)

  2 This systemic injustice was a religious as well as an economic problem. In the Middle East, a king who abused his obligations to the needy violated the decrees of the gods and called his legitimacy into question, so it was not surprising that prophets rose up in the name of Yahweh to attack the government. Amos and Hosea were the first literary Hebrew prophets. Their disciples transmitted their teachings orally, and at the end of the eighth century, wrote them down and compiled anthologies of prophetic oracles. The final texts included the words of later prophets too, so it is difficult to be certain about the authenticity of individual oracles, but it is clear that both Amos and Hosea were disturbed by the social crisis of their time. In about 780, a shepherd from Tekoa in the southern kingdom of Judah suddenly felt overwhelmed by the power of Yahweh. He was not prepared for this. “I was no prophet, neither did I belong to any of the prophetic guilds,” Amos protested later. “I was a shepherd, and looked after sycamores. It was Yahweh who took me from herding the flock and Yahweh who said, ‘Go prophesy to my people Israel.’ ” 3 He was not even allowed to remain in Judah, but was directed by Yahweh to Jeroboam’s kingdom. Amos experienced the divine as a disruptive force that snatched him away from everything that was familiar to him. He felt that he had no choice. “The lion roars; who can help feeling afraid?” he said; “the Lord Yahweh speaks; who can refuse to prophesy?” 4 The Hebrew prophets were not mystics. They did not experience enlightenment within, at the end of a long, disciplined quest that they had initiated themselves. Amos’s experience was quite different from the illumination that would, as we shall see, characterize the Axial Age in India or China. He felt possessed by a power that seemed to come from outside; it dislocated the normal patterns of his conscious life, so that he was no longer in command. Yahweh had taken the place of his controlling, purposeful ego and had hurled Amos into a completely different world. 5 The Hebrew prophets would experience the divine as a rupture, an uprooting, and a shattering blow; their religious experience was often accompanied by strain and distress. At this time, the religion of Israel and Judah was highly visual. Psalmists were consumed with the desire to see Yahweh, “to gaze at you in the Temple and to see your power and glory.” 6 When Amos arrived in the north, he had a vision of Yahweh in the temple of Bethel, one of the royal shrines of Israel. He had beheld Yahweh standing beside the altar, commanding the members of his divine council to destroy the temple and the people of Israel: “‘Strike the capitals,’ he commanded, ‘and let the roof tumble down!

• From The Great Transformation (2006)

  There was no happy ending: the women did not celebrate the return of Persephone. The city had been turned upside down; family life, on which society depended, was disrupted; and the Greeks were forced to contemplate the prospect of the destruction of civilization, the profound antipathy of the sexes, and the cosmic catastrophe that had threatened the world when Demeter withdrew her favor. 11 At the end of the festival, the women went home, and life returned to normal. But the cult had made Greeks confront the unspeakable. They had watched their society collapse during the dark age, though they seem to have repressed the memory of this calamity. But some buried recollection of that time made them aware that whatever they achieved could vanish in a trice, and that death, dissolution, and hostility were perpetual, lurking menaces. The ritual compelled the Greeks to live through their fear, and to face it, and then showed them that it was possible to come through safely to the other side. The religious traditions created during the Axial Age in all four regions were rooted in fear and pain. They would all insist that it was essential not to deny this suffering; indeed, to acknowledge it fully was an essential prerequisite for enlightenment. Even at this early stage, long before their Axial Age had begun, the Greeks already understood the importance of this. It was clear in the festival in honor of Dionysus, god of wine, which was held in the spring month of Anthesterion at the time of the new vintage. 12 Dionysus had learned the mystery of viticulture in the east, and—legend had it—revealed it to the people of Athens. The strange rites of the Anthesteria festival, which probably dates back to the dark age, reenacted this story and celebrated the divinely transforming power of wine, which lifted people to another dimension, so that, for a short time, they seemed to share in the beatitude of the Olympian gods. The sampling of the new wine should have been a joyful occasion, but it was a festival of death. The mythical narrative associated with the ritual explained that Dionysus had presented the first vine to Ikarios, a farmer of Attica, and shown him how to harvest the grapes. But when his friends tasted the wine, the alcohol went straight to their heads and they fell to the ground in a stupor. Because they had never seen drunkenness before, the villagers assumed that Ikarios had killed them. They clubbed him to death and Ikarios’s blood mingled with the liquor. As a tragic coda, when his daughter Erigone found his broken body, she hanged herself. Only the Greeks could have transformed a joyous spring festival into a memorial of such gratuitous horror.

• From The Great Transformation (2006)

  The third day inaugurated another year and a fresh start. There was a lighter, more ebullient atmosphere. To mark the new era, everybody ate a cereal dish that—it was said—the first farmers had eaten in primordial times, before the invention of milling and baking. There were competitions, including a special swinging competition for little girls. But horror lurked even here, because the swinging girls recalled the hanging body of poor Erigone. You could never forget the inherent tragedy of life. All Greek ritual ended in katharsis (“purification”). The god was appeased, the miasma dispersed, and there was new life, new hope. Even the memory of Erigone’s tragic death was combined with the spectacle of laughing, excited children at the beginning of their lives. The participants had experienced an ekstasis, a “stepping out.” For three days, they had been able to stand aside from their normal existence, confront their buried fears, and pass through them to renewed life. There was no introspection, and no attempt to analyze the hidden trauma that haunted the Greek psyche. This was touched upon only indirectly by the external rituals. By reenacting the ancient myth, the participants were not behaving as individuals. They laid aside their ordinary selves and did the opposite of what came naturally. Greeks loved banquets and jollity, but for a whole day they had denied their usual inclinations, and drunk their wine in sorrowful silence. By imitating the drama of the past, they had left their individual selves behind and felt touched and transformed by Dionysus, who was present in the intoxicating wine. The ritual had been an initiation, a rite of passage through sorrow, through the fear of death and pollution, to renewed life. When they came to die, some might remember the Anthesteria, and see death as just another initiation. The eastern Mediterranean was coming to life again. By the end of the ninth century, the northern kingdom of Israel had become a major power in the region. When the Egyptian pharaoh Shishak had invaded Canaan in 926, he had not only sacked Jerusalem and devastated 150 towns in Israel and Judah, but had also destroyed the ancient Canaanite strongholds of Megiddo, Rehob, Beth-shean, and Taanach. Canaanite culture never recovered. Israel expanded into the old Canaanite territories, absorbed the inhabitants of the ruined cities, and exploited their skills.13 King Omri (885–874) built a marvelous new capital in Samaria, with a large, five-acre royal acropolis. His son Ahab (874–853) built a magnificent ivory palace there and established trade links with Phoenicia, Cyprus, and Greece. He also married Jezebel, a Phoenician princess, whose name has become a byword for wickedness.

• From The Erotic Mind (1995)

  Seth and Lenore: Was it rape? About the same time Theresa and Rita were grappling with their problems I began working with Seth and Lenore, who were facing a major crisis after nine years of marriage. One day Seth had become amorous with Lenore in the kitchen and before long he entered her. They were standing up with Lenore pressed against the kitchen counter. As their excitement escalated, Seth grew increasingly aggressive. Lenore was enjoying herself until she noticed Seth’s glazed eyes and the contorted expression she later called the “look of a rapist.” She was especially frightened because she had recently been thinking about an incident of date rape from her high school days—long before anybody openly recognized the phenomenon. After Seth ejaculated and as his attention returned to Lenore, he saw a look of horror and rage in her eyes. Then she pushed him away and ran off sobbing. Seth confirmed for me in one of our individual meetings that at the height of his excitement Lenore had indeed temporarily become purely a sexual object, and he had been thrilled by the feeling of “fucking her mercilessly.” His internal imagery, however, was not of rape but of unbridled lust and a receptive woman overwhelmed by the power of his sexual energy. Lenore referred to the event as “the rape.” Although Seth was shocked by this characterization, he felt too guilty to protest. For Lenore, the fact that at the height of his excitement Seth often became less tender and more animalistic felt perilously similar to her memories of the date rape. Seth had enjoyed pornography since adolescence, so he began reading about it, especially the notion that all porn degrades women by objectifying them. He decided that never again would he abandon himself to lust while making love with Lenore. The topic receded into the background as they emphasized warm, intimate sex, which they both enjoyed. They also worked on deepening the trust between them. They left therapy feeling good about their relationship. But during one of our individual wrap-up sessions Seth told me he missed the heights of excitement he used to reach before he decided to restrain himself. Although he firmly believed this was a small price to pay for a better relationship with Lenore, he nonetheless mourned the loss. Theresa and Rita moved in the opposite direction. Rita decided she was willing to experiment with power fantasies once she realized how important it was to Theresa. Luckily, there were no experiences of sexual abuse in Rita’s background, so only her political objections made her reticent. Rita, a very self-aware person, recognized that she too could genuinely enjoy mild power play with Theresa.

• From History of the Christian Church: The Complete Set of Eight Volumes (1858)

  Berengar (c. 1000–1088), a pupil of Fulbert of Chartres (d. 1029), was canon and director of the cathedral school in Tours, his native city, afterwards archdeacon of Angers, and highly esteemed as a man of rare learning and piety before his eucharistic views became known.723 He was an able dialectician and a popular teacher. He may be ranked among the forerunners of a Christian rationalism, who dared to criticize church authority and aimed to reconcile the claims of reason and faith.724 But he had not the courage of a martyr, and twice recanted from fear of death. Nor did he carry out his principle. He seems to have been in full accord with catholic orthodoxy except on the point of the sacrament. He was ascetic in his habits and shared the prevailing respect for monastic life, but saw clearly its danger. "The hermit," he says with as much beauty as truth, in an Exhortatory Discourse to hermits who had asked his advice, "is alone in his cell, but sin loiters about the door with enticing words and seeks admittance. I am thy beloved—says she—whom thou didst court in the world. I was with thee at the table, slept with thee on thy couch; without me, thou didst nothing. How darest thou think of forsaking me? I have followed thy every step; and dost thou expect to hide away from me in thy cell? I was with thee in the world, when thou didst eat flesh and drink wine; and shall be with thee in the wilderness, where thou livest only on bread and water. Purple and silk are not the only colors seen in hell,—the monk’s cowl is also to be found there. Thou hermit hast something of mine. The nature of the flesh, which thou wearest about thee, is my sister, begotten with me, brought up with me. So long as the flesh is flesh, so long shall I be in thy flesh. Dost thou subdue thy flesh by abstinence?—thou becomest proud; and lo! sin is there. Art thou overcome by the flesh, and dost thou yield to lust? sin is there. Perhaps thou hast none of the mere human sins, I mean such as proceed from sense; beware then of devilish sins. Pride is a sin which belongs in common to evil spirits and to hermits."725 By continued biblical and patristic studies Berengar came between the years 1040 and 1045 to the conclusion that the eucharistic doctrine of Paschasius Radbertus was a vulgar superstition contrary to the Scriptures, to the fathers, and to reason. He divulged his view among his many pupils in France and Germany, and created a great sensation. Eusebius Bruno, bishop of Angers, to whose diocese he belonged, and Frollant, bishop of Senlis, took his part, but the majority was against him. Adelmann, his former fellow-student, then arch-deacon at Lüttich (Liège), afterwards bishop of Bresci, remonstrated with him in two letters of warning (1046 and 1048).

• From Mud Vein (2014)

  There are no coats in the closet. No gloves, no thermal underwear—nothing warm enough to venture into negative ten-degree weather. Why didn’t I notice this before? I push through the hangers in the closet, frantic. The music plays around me; it plays in every room. It’s making me move faster. Those songs Isaac gave me, who knew about them? They were private … sacred to me; as unspoken as my thoughts. There are plenty of long-sleeved shirts, but most of them are thin cotton or light wool. I pull each one over my head until I have so many layers I am too stiff to move my arms. I already know it won’t be enough. To get anywhere in this weather I’d need thermals, a heavy coat, boots. I pull on the only pair of shoes that looks warm: a pair of fur-lined ankle boots—more fashionable than practical. Isaac is waiting for me downstairs. He is holding the door open like he’s afraid to let it go. I see that he doesn’t have a jacket, either. He’s wearing a pair of black gum boots on his feet. Something for rain or yard work. Our eyes lock as I walk past him, through the door and into the snow. I sink into it. Right up to my knees. Knee-high snow, that can’t be good. Isaac follows me. He leaves the door open and we make it twenty feet before we stop. “Isaac?” I grab onto his arm. His breath puffs out of his mouth. I can see him shivering. I am shivering. God. We haven’t even been outside for five minutes. “There’s nothing, Isaac. Where are we?” I spin in a circle, my knees brushing a pathway through the snow. There is only white. In every direction. Even the trees seem to be far off. When I squint I can see the glint of something in the distance, just before the tree line. “What is that?” I ask, pointing. Isaac looks with me. At first it just looks like a piece of something, then my eyes follow it. I follow it until I spin and come back, full circle. I make a sound. It starts in my throat, a noise you’d make when surprised, and then it changes into something mournful. “It’s just a fence,” Isaac says. “We can climb it,” I add. “It doesn’t look that high. Twelve feet maybe…” “It’s electric,” Isaac says. I spin to look at him. “How do you know?” “Listen.”

• From The Well of Loneliness (1928)

  On one such morning early that June, Stephen drove her car into Upton. She was meaning to cash a cheque at the bank, she was meaning to call at the local saddler’s, she was meaning to buy a new pair of gloves—in the end, however, she did none of these things. It was outside the butcher’s that the dog fight started. The butcher owned an old rip of an Airedale, and the Airedale had taken up his post in the doorway of the shop, as had long been his custom. Down the street, on trim but belligerent tiptoes, came a very small, snow-white West Highland terrier; perhaps he was looking for trouble, and if so he certainly got it in less than two minutes. His yells were so loud that Stephen stopped the car and turned round in her seat to see what was happening. The butcher ran out to swell the confusion by shouting commands that no one obeyed; he was trying to grasp his dog by the tail which was short and not at all handy for grasping. And then, as it seemed from nowhere at all, there suddenly appeared a very desperate young woman; she was carrying her parasol as though it were a lance with which she intended to enter the battle. Her wails of despair rose above the dog’s yells: ‘Tony! My Tony! Won’t anyone stop them? My dog’s being killed, won’t any of you stop them?’ And she actually tried to stop them herself, though the parasol broke at the first encounter. But Tony, while yelling, was as game as a ferret, and, moreover, the Airedale had him by the back, so Stephen got hastily out of the car—it seemed only a matter of moments for Tony. She grabbed the old rip by the scruff of his neck, while the butcher dashed off for a bucket of water. The desperate young woman seized her dog by a leg; she pulled, Stephen pulled, they both pulled together. Then Stephen gave a punishing twist which distracted the Airedale, he wanted to bite her; having only one mouth he must let go of Tony, who was instantly clasped to his owner’s bosom. The butcher arrived on the scene with his bucket while Stephen was still clinging to the Airedale’s collar. ‘I’m so sorry, Miss Gordon, I do hope you’re not hurt?’ ‘I’m all right. Here, take this grey devil and thrash him; he’s no business to eat up a dog half his size.’ Meanwhile, Tony was dripping all over with gore, and his mistress, it seemed, had got herself bitten. She alternately struggled to staunch Tony’s wounds and to suck her own hand which was bleeding freely. ‘Better give me your dog and come across to the chemist, your hand will want dressing,’ remarked Stephen. Tony was instantly put into her arms, with a rather pale smile that suggested a breakdown.

• From The Great Transformation (2006)

  He was not preoccupied with orthodoxy, pointing out that the initiates who took part in the mysteries did not do so to learn facts and doctrines but to “experience certain emotions and to be put in a certain disposition.” 115 This type of religion was about feeling ( pathein ), not thinking. Aristotle seemed more comfortable with emotion than Plato. It was, for example, sometimes good to be angry, as long as you did not allow your wrath to become extreme. Where Plato would have banned tragedy from his ideal republic, Aristotle believed that it still had a function. It was right to feel pity and fear on some occasions, and tragedy helped to educate the emotions and teach people to experience them appropriately. 116 When observing the sufferings of Oedipus, for example, a pusillanimous man would realize that his troubles were not so bad after all, and an arrogant person would learn to feel compassion for those weaker than he. By imitating serious and terrible events, tragedy accomplished the purification of such feelings. 117 The emotions were drained of their dangerous potential and became beneficial to the individual and the community. Indeed, these feelings were essential to the peculiar pleasure of tragedy. Aristotle understood rationally what ritualists had always intuited: a symbolic, mythical, or ritual reenactment of events that would be unendurable in daily life could transform our deepest fears into something pure, transcendent, and even pleasurable. And yet Aristotle saw the tragedies as literary texts for private perusal. In his discussion of tragedy, he stressed its effect on the individual rather than its civic, political function. He did not discuss its ritual dimension and showed scant interest in the gods. His literary criticism was anthropocentric and, like his philosophy, was wholly oriented to the mundane world. What had been a profound religious experience was being subtly altered by Aristotle’s rational intelligence into something more pragmatic. Aristotle was a pioneer of great genius. Almost single-handedly he had laid the foundations of Western science, logic, and philosophy. Unfortunately, he also made an indelible impression on Western Christianity. Ever since Europeans discovered his writings in the twelfth century CE, many became enamored of his rational proofs for the Unmoved Mover—actually one of his less inspired achievements. Aristotle’s God, which was not meant to be a religious value, was foreign to the main thrust of the Axial Age, which had insisted that the ultimate reality was ineffable, indescribable, and incomprehensible—and yet something that human beings could experience, though not by reason. But Aristotle had set the West on its scientific course, which would, nearly two thousand years after the first Axial Age, introduce a second Great Transformation. 7 CONCERN FOR EVERYBODY (c. 450 to 398 BCE ) I n Israel, the Axial Age was drawing to a close.

• From Disrupted: My Misadventure in the Start-Up Bubble (2014)

  The kids are at school. I’m sitting with my wife, Sasha, at the kitchen table, drinking coffee and going over the plans for our upcoming vacation, a three-week trip to Austria. It’s a bit of a splurge for us, but by using frequent flyer miles and staying in modest hotels we can just about afford it. Our kids—twins, a boy and a girl—are turning seven in a few weeks, and they’re finally old enough to handle an adventure. Sasha has just left her teaching job, because she’s been suffering from chronic migraines and spending too much time in emergency rooms. She needs time off to take care of herself. A few weeks in the Alps seems like a good way to start. We’ll miss her paycheck, and her insurance, which is first-rate, but I can get decent insurance from Newsweek , and in addition to my salary I’ve been making some money on the side by giving speeches. So we’re good. Sasha can quit her job and we can still afford the vacation. It’s all going to be great. That’s what we’re telling each other as we pull up the website for one place where we’ll be staying, a cluster of chalets perched on a hillside in a remote village surrounded by mountains. A local guide takes tourists on day hikes and offers a rock-climbing class for kids. A nearby stable offers trail rides on sturdy little Haflinger horses with shaggy blond manes. We leave in three weeks. My phone beeps. It’s an email from my editor, Abby. She wants to know if I can get on the phone. I go upstairs to my office and call her at the office in New York. I figure Abby wants to give me an update on the tech blog we’re launching. But unfortunately that’s not it at all. “I have some bad news,” she says. “They’re making some cuts. Your job is being eliminated.” I’m not quite sure what to say. On the one hand this should not come as a surprise. Newsweek has been losing money for years. Two years ago the magazine was sold to a new owner, who promised to turn things around. Instead we are losing more money today than we were two years ago. Subscribers and advertisers are drifting away. I suppose some part of me has been expecting this call. Still, I wasn’t expecting to get it today. Abby says it wasn’t her decision to fire me. I ask her whose it was. She says she doesn’t know. But someone, somewhere, has made a decision. Abby is simply the messenger. There’s nothing she can do, and no one to whom I can appeal. This is obvious bullshit. Abby knows who made the decision. I’m betting it was Abby herself. Abby is an old-time Newsweek person. She left the magazine before I joined, but three months ago she was recruited to come back as the executive editor.

• From The Principles of Psychology (Volume 1 of 2) (1890)

  But I cannot yet persuade myself that the urgency in Question consists in concomitant emotional and motor impulses. The ' impression' may come quite suddenly and depart quickly; it may carry no emotional suggestions, and wake no motor consequences beyond those involved in attending to it. Altogether, the matter is somewhat paradoxical, and no conclusion can be come to until more definite data are obtained. Perhaps the most curious case of the sort which I have received is the following. The subject of the observation, Mr. P., is an exceptionally intelligent witness, though the words of the narrative are his wife's. "Mr. P. has all his life been the occasional subject of rather singular delusions or impressions of various kinds. If I had belief in the existence of latent or embryo faculties, other than the five senses, I should explain them on that ground. Being totally blind, his other perceptions are abnormally keen and developed, and given the existence of a rudimentary sixth sense, it would be only natural that this also should be more acute in him than in others. One of the most interesting of his experiences in this line was the frequent apparition of a corpse some years ago, which may be worth the attention of your Committee on that subject. At the lime Mr. P. had a music-room in Boston on Beacon Street, where he used to do severe and protracted practice with little interruption. Now, all one season it was a very familiar occurrence with him while in the midst of work to feel a cold draft of air suddenly upon his face, with a prickling sensation at the roots of his hair, when he would turn from the piano, and a figure which he knew to be dead would come sliding under the crack of the door from without, flattening itself to squeeze through and rounding out again to the human form. It was of a middle-aged man, and drew itself along the carpet on hands and knees, but with head thrown back till it reached the sofa, upon which it stretched itself. It remained some moments, but vanished s if Mr. P. spoke or made a decided movement. The most singular point in the occurrence was its frequent repetition. Be might expect it on any day between two and four o'clock, and it came always heralded by the same sudden cold shiver, and was invariably the same figure which went through the same movements. He afterwards traced the whole experience to strong tea.

• From The Diary of a Young Girl (The Definitive Edition) (2020)

  and 6 A.M.; Jews were forbidden to attend theaters, movies or any other forms of entertainment; Jews were forbidden to use swimming pools, tennis courts, hockey fields or any other athletic fields; Jews were forbidden to go rowing; Jews were forbidden to take part in any athletic activity in public; Jews were forbidden to sit in their gardens or those of their friends after 8 P.M.; Jews were forbidden to visit Christians in their homes; Jews were required to attend Jewish schools, etc. You couldn’t do this and you couldn’t do that, but life went on. Jacque always said to me, “I don’t dare do anything anymore, ‘cause I’m afraid it’s not allowed.” In the summer of 1941 Grandma got sick and had to have an operation, so my birthday passed with little celebration. In the summer of 1940 we didn’t do much for my birthday either, since the fighting had just ended in Holland. Grandma died in January 1942. No one knows how often I think of her and still love her. This birthday celebration in 1942 was intended to make up for the others, and Grandma’s candle was lit along with the rest. The four of us are still doing well, and that brings me to the present date of June 20, 1942, and the solemn dedication of my diary. SATURDAY, JUNE 20, 1942 Dearest Kitty! Let me get started right away; it’s nice and quiet now. Father and Mother are out and Margot has gone to play Ping-Pong with some other young people at her friend Trees’s. I’ve been playing a lot of Ping-Pong myself lately. So much that five of us girls have formed a club. It’s called “The Little Dipper Minus Two.” A really silly name, but it’s based on a mistake. We wanted to give our club a special name; and because there were five of us, we came up with the idea of the Little Dipper. We thought it consisted of five stars, but we turned out to be wrong. It has seven, like the Big Dipper, which explains the “Minus Two.” Ilse Wagner has a Ping-Pong set, and the Wagners let us play in their big dining room whenever we want. Since we five Ping-Pong players like ice cream, especially in the summer, and since you get hot playing Ping-Pong, our games usually end with a visit to the nearest ice-cream parlor that allows Jews: either Oasis or Delphi. We’ve long since stopped hunting around for our purses or money -- most of the time it’s so busy in Oasis that we manage to find a few generous young men of our acquaintance or an admirer to offer us more ice cream than we could eat in a week. You’re probably a little surprised to hear me talking about admirers at such a tender age. Unfortunately, or not, as the case may be, this vice seems to be rampant at our school.

• From The Great Transformation (2006)

  Like all ancient peoples, the Vedic Indians believed that ritual could and must repair the constantly depleted energies of the natural world. The reformers told another story about Prajapati’s creation. They explained that in the beginning Prajapati had awoken to the fact that he was alone in the universe; he longed for offspring, so he had practiced asceticism—fasting, holding his breath, and generating heat—and gradually the whole of reality had emanated from his person (purusha): devas, asuras, Vedas, humans, and the natural world. But Prajapati was not a very efficient progenitor and his creation was a mess. The creatures were not yet separate from Prajapati. 73 They were still a part of him, and when, exhausted by his labors, he fell into a stupor, they almost died. 74 They dropped away from him, disintegrated, and some actually fled, fearing that Prajapati would devour them. When he woke up, Prajapati was horrified: “How can I put these creatures back into myself?” he asked. 75 There was only one solution. Prajapati had to be put together again, so Agni reconstructed him, building him up piece by piece. The lost and scattered creatures regained their identity, and the world became viable. 76 Thus, by the ritual law of similarity, when the sacrificer built a new fire altar during the Agnicayana, he was really reconstructing Prajapati, and giving life to the whole of creation. Every ritual made the world stronger. 77 The reformers had replaced the old self-destructive rites with ceremonies that symbolized the building of a new world order. Gods and humans had to work together in a joint project of continuous renovation. Fundamental to the ritual reform was the conviction that human beings were fragile creatures and, like Prajapati, could easily fall apart. They were born defective and unfinished, and could only build themselves up to full strength in the ritual. When he took part in the soma sacrifice, the patron experienced a second birth, and went through an initiation process that symbolically reproduced the various stages of gestation. 78 Before the rite began, he made a retreat, crouched in a hut (representing the womb), dressed in a white garment and black antelope skin (representing the caul and placenta), with his hands clenched into fists, like an embryo. He was fed on milk, and had to stammer when he spoke, like an infant. 79 Finally he sat beside the fire and sweated, as Prajapati had done, in order to effect a new creation. Once he had drunk the intoxicating soma, he experienced an ascent to the gods without having to die a violent death, as in the old ritual. 80 He could not stay long in heaven, but after his death, if he had accumulated sufficient liturgical credit, he would be reborn in the world of the gods. In ritual, therefore, the sacrificer reconstructed his self (atman), just as Prajapati had done.

• From A Sexplanation (2021)

  This was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to learn what we're all getting off to. I wasn't going to waste it. I'm kinda interested in some like, very general, broad questions that I think a lot of people would be interested in. What are the top 10 states who are searching for gay Asian men? [Mike] [chuckles] Well, the states most often searching for gay Asian porn are Hawaii, [men moaning] California, Nevada, Washington, Alaska, New York, New Jersey, and Massachusetts. So I think personally you do best if you stuck close to the coastal areas. -I have no problem with that, yeah, all right. So my assumption is that we all watch porn, but what, what does the data say? [Mike] Well, in the last year, Pornhub's had 23 billion visits to the site and 8 billion of those come from the United States. Worldwide, that's around 4.6 billion hours of porn watched in just one year, that's 5,250 centuries of porn. -But let's talk about just first one of the big distinctions that I'm interested in, male versus female viewership. What are kind of the overall trends you see? [Mike] So the most popular search terms for men in order are MILF, stepmom, Japanese, teen, lesbian, celebrity sex tape, hentai, Ebony, massage, cartoon, anal, and Asian. [Alex laughs] And the top searches for women in order are lesbian, lesbian scissoring, threesome, big Black dick, lesbian seduces straight girl, Black, gangbang, Japanese, massage, cartoon, squirting, and anal. Women are twice as likely than men to search for terms like gangbang, double penetration, hardcore, and bondage. -Okay, I definitely would think it'd be the opposite, but okay, there we go. [Mike] The data doesn't lie. I think the greatest impact that Pornhub Insights has made is to show people that they're not alone in watching porn. People from all over the world including their neighbors and coworkers and likely even their moms are watching porn, too. [Alex] But I have to admit, hearing how much porn we all watch does kind of scare me. Because when it comes to porn, I seem to hear only one main opinion. -Internet porn is a real addiction, and people who say that porn isn't an addiction, they're just lying. -Sure. -I've had an addiction to pornography. -It is such a perversion to me of what sex is supposed to be. -You can go and look at rape porn. I mean, this gets scary. -Where the vast majority of men consume porn, making for an ever more violent culture. [Alex] These fears are spreading across the nation. Since 2016, 17 states have introduced resolutions declaring pornography a public health crisis. The first state to succeed? Utah. Senator Todd Weiler led the charge to get this declaration passed. I have never voted for a Republican before. -That's fine. -You know? -I get it. -But you know like that- -I have voted for one Democrat so. -Oh, great. -It wasn't Hillary though.

• From The Erotic Mind (1995)

  Here’s one more factor to consider: if anxiety is interwoven with high arousal right from the start, as it was for Ron, the two can increase in tandem. On the other hand, if strong anxiety cakes hold before arousal is established—as, for example, when a man worries all day about whether he’ll be able to get an erection that night—his fear responses are likely to choke arousal before it begins. If you examine the role of anxiety in your own peak encounters, you’re most likely to notice a relatively small amount of it—at least compared to Ron. Reread any of the stories of naughty sex in the last chapter and you’ll notice a manageable hint of anxiety that can amplify desire. Remember the young woman who defiantly reveled in sex while parked in their driveway with the boyfriend her parents hated? Or the couple who briefly escaped their kids for an exciting encounter in a park, their arousal enhanced by looking over their shoulders? Their risk-taking was more fun than truly dangerous. In the process of overcoming ambivalence, the special alchemy of desire and fear reveals itself with particular clarity. Fear plays at least some role in the wanting/not wanting of most ambivalent attractions. You can feel the conflicting impulses in this story told by Ben, a thirty-eight-year-old married engineer who still recalls an especially exciting, yet uncomfortable, encounter with his first girlfriend almost twenty years earlier: Meg was an incredibly attractive girl who was a complete mismatch for me. She was rather kinky sexually while I’m more of a high-tech bookworm type who is pretty timid in bed. Meg was always pushing me into dangerous territory and I never knew what to expect. Since I was looking for a serious relationship I had told her that we had to stop having sex and I just wanted to be friends. That evening a few friends were due to arrive for dinner when she started playing with me. All of a sudden she unbuckled my belt and rubbed her tits all over my face. “Are you crazy!” I whispered. She said, “Yes! Now shut up and relax!” I made a couple of halfhearted attempts to reason with her but I was getting so hard especially when she stuck a hard nipple into my mouth. I panicked when I thought I heard a car in the driveway. As I struggled to stay calm, she went down on me and used an incredible undulating action with her throat on the head of my cock. Even as I was about to explode, images raced through my mind of the doorbell ringing just as I was coming. In a few minutes I closed my eyes and gave in to an incredibly intense orgasm.

• From The Erotic Mind (1995)

  *Lead-in (Morin):* Ron remembers an encounter from fifteen years ago as if yesterday—overwhelming anxiety translating into passion. **Voice — Ron:** One of the most memorable sexual experiences of my life took place while I was living and working in a London public house. I was having an affair with the owner’s wife. One day I went down to the cellar to change a barrel of beer and she just happened to be there too. Even though the pub was busy, we started fooling around. Without speaking she grabbed at the obvious bulge in my crotch as I groped my way inside her soaking wet panties. I felt her whole body tremble and I was shaking too. She begged me to stop because someone might hear us from the kitchen but she didn’t miss a beat as she unzipped my pants. I never knew my dick could get so hard! Frantically trying to hide, we moved on top of the barrels, but it was so cold she let out a scream (which I squelched by kissing her). Eventually, we huddled under the stairs where we could hear the door open. This would give us a few seconds to pull apart and straighten up. We might look suspicious as hell but at least we wouldn’t be caught red-handed. We were both scared shitless, but I’ve never felt more alive in my life. She sucked me off with such force that I exploded within a few minutes. I was still so hot I made a dive for her pussy to lap up her juices. What made this encounter doubly exciting was the fact that her husband was directly above us pulling pints for customers. It took me days to calm down from that one! **Voice — Ron (reflection / wind-down):** I’ve heard of mountain climbers and race drivers getting off on an “adrenaline high.” But that’s not me at all. I don’t like to be scared and definitely not in sex. I remember a couple of times when I couldn’t get it up just because my girlfriend’s roommate was in the next bedroom. And here I was practically asking to get my ass kicked, or maybe even killed, and I became an unstoppable sex machine. My own fear and seeing the fear and desire in Martha’s face made me wild. I didn’t care about the danger—at least not until later.