Fear

Passages

Every passage tagged with this emotion in the Vela corpus. Search the body text, narrow by source or register, click through to a book’s profile to see how the passage sits with the rest of the work.

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• From How to Be Yourself: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety (2018)

  After my friend rolled his cart away, I felt a resolve come over me. I decided to look at people, not put my head down. I looked at every single person as I push-pulled my two overflowing carts to the checkout stand. Some people were looking at labels, some at the food on the shelves. And yes, some looked back at me. But no one said a word. Even if they had, what would be so bad? I’m not weird, I’m doing my co-op job, which just happens to involve a lot of milk and bananas. Exactly zero people raised an eyebrow at my carts. And even if they had, I could handle it. That day at the grocery store, I took home a lot more than bananas. I took home a little booster shot reminding me of what it took years to learn: my anxiety is not credible. Seldom does anyone actually say, “Wow, you sure seem uncomfortable. You’re weird and don’t deserve to be here.” Or, “That’s it. You’ve paused in conversation one too many times—we’re all going to turn our backs on you now.” Or in my case, “Ma’am, is there a problem? The volume of milk in your cart clearly indicates you’re a freak.” Even if someone did, it would be the accuser who was unreasonable, not me. And if someone actually said to me, “You only eat milk and bananas! Wow, you have problems!” I could wave it off as the grumblings of a judgmental curmudgeon. I might even smile and offer them a banana. MEET YOUR INNER CRITIC Like in the grocery store, my social fear still pops up from time to time, but it used to be much more persistent. Why does our social fear endure over years and decades when no one actually says anything? Well, someone does say something. It’s that voice in my head, that voice in your head. Call it insecurity. Call it self-criticism. For the purposes of this book, we’ll call it the Inner Critic. We all have one. But for those of us who experience social anxiety, the Inner Critic, rather than whispering in our ears, instead wields a megaphone. It attacks us with critical labels and embarrassing predictions. And then? Fight or flight is the response to all attacks, whether physical or emotional, whether from others or from our own heads. Ironically, the Inner Critic thinks it is being helpful. In its own harsh way, it is trying to keep us safe. Think of the Inner Critic as a helicopter parent, swooping in to save us from any upset. It tells us we can’t do it, we might get embarrassed, that it’s too much for us. Just sit this one out so you don’t make a fool of yourself, it instructs. Don’t risk it because people might notice.

• From History of the Christian Church: The Complete Set of Eight Volumes (1858)

  Canon F. W. Farrar: Mercy and Judgment: A few last words on Christian Eschatology with reference to Dr. Pusey’s "What is of Faith?" London and N. York, 1881 (485 pages). See chs. II., III., IX.-XII. Farrar opposes with much fervor "the current opinions about Hell," and reduces it to the smallest possible dimensions of time and space, but expressly rejects Universalism. He accepts with Pusey the Romanizing view of "future purification" (instead of "probation"), and thus increases the number of the saved by withdrawing vast multitudes of imperfect Christians from the awful doom. After the general judgment we have nothing revealed but the boundless prospect of aeonian life and aeonian death. This is the ultimate boundary of our knowledge. There never was in the Christian church any difference of opinion concerning the righteous, who shall inherit eternal life and enjoy the blessed communion of God forever and ever. But the final fate of the impenitent who reject the offer of salvation admits of three answers to the reasoning mind: everlasting punishment, annihilation, restoration (after remedial punishment and repentance). I. Everlasting Punishment of the wicked always was, and always will be the orthodox theory. It was held by the Jews at the time of Christ, with the exception of the Sadducces, who denied the resurrection.1138 It is endorsed by the highest authority of the most merciful Being, who sacrificed his own life for the salvation of sinners.1139 Consequently the majority of the fathers who speak plainly on this terrible subject, favor this view. Ignatius speaks of "the unquenchable fire;"1140 Hermas, of some "who will not be saved," but "shall utterly perish," because they will not repent.1141 Justin Martyr teaches that the wicked or hopelessly impenitent will be raised at the judgment to receive eternal punishment. He speaks of it in twelve passages. "Briefly," he says, "what we look for, and have learned from Christ, and what we teach, is as follows. Plato said to the same effect, that Rhadamanthus and Minos would punish the wicked when they came to them; we say that the same thing will take place; but that the judge will be Christ, and that their souls will be united to the same bodies, and will undergo an eternal punishment (aivwnivan kovlasin) and not, as Plato said, a period of only a thousand years (ciliontaeth' perivodon)"1142 In another place: "We believe that all who live wickedly and do not repent, will be punished in eternal fire" (ejn aijwnivw/ puriv).1143 Such language is inconsistent with the annihilation theory for which Justin M. has been claimed.1144 He does, indeed, reject with several other ante-Nicene writers, the Platonic idea that the soul is in itself and independently immortal1145 and hints at the possibility of the final destruction of the wicked,1146 but he puts that possibility countless ages beyond the final judgment, certainly beyond the Platonic millennium of punishment, so that it loses all practical significance and ceases to give relief.

• From A Critical and Exegetical Commentary on the Epistle to the Galatians (1921)

  Counter argument, showing that those whose stand- ing is fixed by law are by the logic of the legalists under the curse of the law 310-14, . Argument from the irrevocableness of a covenant and the priority of the covenant made with Abraham to the law, to the effect that the coven- ant is still in force 3448, . Answer to the objection that the preceding argu- ment leaves the law without a reason for being eee . Characterisation of the condition under law and, in contrast with it, the condition since faith came: then we were held in custody under law; now we are all sons of God, heirs of the promise 37-”. . Continuation of the argument for the inferiority of the condition under law, with the use of the illus- tration of guardianship 41-7. . Description of the former condition of the Galatians as one of bondage to gods not really such, and exhortation to them not to return to that state 8-11 yeh . Affectionate appeal to the Galatians to enter fully into their freedom from law, referring to their Ixxiv INTRODUCTION former enthusiastic reception of the apostle and affection for him 4!?-?°, ro. A supplementary argument, based on an allegorical use of the story of the two sons of Abraham, and intended to convince the Galatians that they are joining the wrong branch of the family 471-1. IV. Hortatory Portion OF THE LETTER. 5}-61 1. Exhortations directly connected with the doctrine of the letter 51-6°. a. Appeal to the Galatians to stand fast in their free- dom in Christ 51-2. 6. Exhortation not to convert their liberty in Christ into an occasion for yielding to the impulse of the flesh 513-26, c. Exhortation to restore those who fall, and to bear one another’s burdens 6!-, 2. Exhortations having a less direct relation to the principal subject of the epistle 6&1, V. CONCLUSION OF THE LETTER. 611-18 1. Final warning against the judaisers 6-16, 2. Appeal enforced by reference to his own sufferings 617. 3. Final benediction 618, Vill. THE TEXT. Accepting in general the principles of Westcott and Hort, the author of this commentary has diligently examined the available evidence for the text of Galatians in the light of those principles. The result has naturally been the acceptance for the most part of the Westcott and Hort text; yet in a few cases the evidence has seemed to require the adoption of a different reading from that preferred by those eminent scholars. The evidence has been gained almost wholly from Tischen- dorf, Novum Testamentum Grace, ed. oct. crit. maj. Leipzig, 1872. Use has also been made of Souter, Novum Testamentum Grece, Oxford, 1910, and, for the ms. H., of the reproductions INTRODUCTION lxxv of it by Omont, Robinson, and Lake. See below, p. Ixxvi.

• From Delta of Venus (1977)

  As he stroked her, he said, “One day I watched two dogs playing. The one dog was busy eating a bone she had found, and the other took advantage of the situation to approach her from behind. I was fourteen. I felt the wildest excitement from watching them. It was the first sexual scene I witnessed, and I discovered the first sexual excitement in myself. From then on, only a woman leaning over as you are can arouse my desire.” His hand continued to stroke her. He pressed a little against her and, seeing her pliant, began to move behind her so as to cover her with his body. Bijou was suddenly afraid and sought to escape from his embrace. But the man was powerful. She was already under him, and all he had to do was bend her body over even more. He forced her head and shoulders down on the wall and raised her skirt. Bijou was again without underclothes. The man gasped. He began to murmur words of desire that soothed her, but at the same time he held her down, entirely at his mercy. She felt him against her back, but he was not taking her. He was merely pressing against her as tightly as he could. She felt the strength of his two legs, and she heard his voice enveloping her, but that was all. Then she felt something soft and warm against her, something that did not penetrate her. In a moment she was covered with warm sperm. The man abandoned her and ran away. LEILA TOOK Bijou horseback riding in the Bois. Leila looked very beautiful on horseback, slim, masculine and haughty. Bijou looked more luxuriant but less poised. Riding in the Bois was a lovely experience. They passed elegant people, then rode through long stretches of isolated, wooded paths. Every now and then they came across a café, where one could rest and eat. It was spring. Bijou had taken several riding lessons and was now on her own for the first time. They rode slowly, talking all the while. Then Leila set off at a gallop and Bijou followed. After they had galloped for a time, they slowed down. Their faces were flushed. Bijou felt a pleasurable irritation between her legs and a warmth over her buttocks. She wondered if Leila felt the same. After another half an hour of riding, her excitation was growing. Her eyes were brilliant, her lips moist. Leila looked at her with admiration. “Horseback riding becomes you,” she said. Her hand held a whip with regal assurance. Her gloves fitted her long fingers tightly. She wore a man’s shirt and cuff links. Her riding habit showed the shapeliness of her waist and breast and buttocks. Bijou filled her clothes more abundantly. Her breasts were high and pointed provocatively upwards. Her hair hung loose in the wind.

• From Delta of Venus (1977)

  Only whores possessed sexual organs. Miguel had seen such women very early when his older brothers had dragged him to the whorehouses. While his brothers took the women, he caressed their breasts. He filled his mouth with them, hungrily. But he was frightened by what he saw between their legs. To him it looked like a huge, wet, hungry mouth. He felt that he could never satisfy it. He was frightened by the luring crevice, the lips rigid under the stroking finger, the liquid that came like the saliva of a hungry person. He imagined this hunger of woman as tremendous, ravenous, insatiable. It seemed to him that his penis would be swallowed forever. The whores he happened to see had big sexes, big, leathery sex lips, big buttocks. What was there left for Miguel to turn to with his desires? Boys, boys without the gluttonous openings, boys with sexes like his, that did not frighten him, whose desires he could satisfy. So on the very evening that Elena experienced this dart of desire and warmth in her body, Miguel had discovered the intermediate solution, a boy who aroused him without taboos, fears and doubts. Elena, completely innocent of the love between boys, went home and sobbed all night because of Miguel’s remoteness. She had never been more beautiful; she felt his love, his worship. Then why did he not touch her? The dance had brought them together, but he was not inflamed. What did this mean? What mystery was this? Why was he jealous when others approached her? Why had he watched the other boys who were so eager to dance with her? Why did he not touch even her hand? Yet he haunted her, and was haunted by her. Her image predominated over all women. His poetry was for her, his creations, his inventions, his soul. The sexual act alone took place away from her. How much suffering would have been spared her had she known, understood. She was too delicate to overtly question him, and he too ashamed to reveal himself. And now Miguel was here, with his past life known to all, a long train of love affairs with boys, never lasting. He was always in quest, always unsatisfied—Miguel, with the same charm, only enhanced, stronger. Again she sensed his remoteness, the distance between them. He would not even take her arm, shining brown in the Parisian summer sun. He admired all she wore, her rings, her tinkling bracelets, her dress, her sandals, but without touching her. Miguel was being analyzed by a famous French doctor. Every time he moved, loved, took someone, it seemed the knots of his life drew closer around his throat. He wanted liberation, liberation to live out his abnormality. This he did not have. Each time he loved a boy, he did so with a sense of crime. The aftermath was guilt. And then he sought to atone with suffering.

• From A Critical and Exegetical Commentary on the Epistle to the Galatians (1921)

  Rom. 14" etc.) is against this latter view, while the former is more in accordance with the context, which refers not so much to conformity to the truth of the gospel as to an attitude (of straightforwardness or crookedness) towards it. The interpretation of meéc¢ in the sense of (motion) towards, making the truth of the gospel the goal of their action, involves a sense possible to moéc, but out of harmony with the context. The phrase, ‘‘the truth of the gospel,” is doubtless used here in the same sense as in v. 5, q. 2. elrrov T@ Kna éurpoobev ravrwv “I said to Cephas in the presence of everybody.”’ The omission of the article before mavrwv makes the statement very general, not simply before those who have just been mentioned (t@v 7avTwv) but when all the members of the church were present. Cf. 1 Cor. 1118 14”, and esp. 1 Tim. 5° How much of what follows was actually uttered on this occa- sion it is impossible to say with certainty. Only the first sen- tence (v. “>) contains unmistakable evidence of having been addressed to Peter, and the absence of any direct address in the remainder of the chapter makes it unlikely that through the whole of it Paul is still quoting what he said to Peter. Yet on the other hand it is improbable that he intends to limit his report of his words on that occasion to a single sentence. He passes imperceptibly from the report of his former words into argument on the theme itself, and the line between the two can not be detected. Ei od “Iovdaios trrdpywov eOuKds Kal ovyl lovdaixas Sys, mas Ta €Ovn avayKaves lovdaifew; “If thou, though a Jew, livest after the manner of the Gentiles, and not after that of the Jews, how is it that thou dost constrain the Gentiles to live after the Jewish manner?” The terms €O@m«és and “lovdaixds manifestly refer to the living according to Gentile and Jewish customs respectively, especially in the matter of foods. The ele? GALATIANS conditional clause evidently refers, as is often the case with a simple present supposition, to an admitted fact. (BMT 244.) It is an overpressing of the present tense to maintain that it must refer to an act at that very time in progress, which is plainly excluded by the preceding narrative. Grammatically it is doubtless to be taken not as a present for an imperfect, but as a general present, describing a habit or mental attitude which, being illustrated by a recent act, may itself be assumed to be still in force (cf. Mk. 27 Mt. 1276#- Acts 227» 8 233 4 Ps, 894 4). The use of it implies that Peter had not really in principle aban- doned the Gentile way of life, though temporarily from fear returning to the Jewish way of living.

• From Summer Sisters (1998)

  “Yes, really,” Caitlin answered. Then she looked hard at Vix. “Why are we having this conversation? Why are we acting as if we’re angry. Are we angry?” “I’m not angry,” Vix said. “Good … because neither am I.” “Maybe we’re scared,” Vix said. “Scared?” “Of being apart. Of losing each other.” “We’re never going to lose each other,” Caitlin said, holding Vix in her arms. [image file=Image00006.jpg] It was strange staying at the house without Caitlin. Their bedroom, with all its memories of past summers, felt empty. Vix played a tape they’d made singing “Dancing Queen” … and laughed at how young they sounded. She lay awake on her bed running through the details of every summer, but she could feel the panic of her last morning in this room, too, the morning she’d packed and left at sunrise a year ago, never to return. “Would you rather stay in the boys’ room?” Abby asked when she’d arrived, anticipating her feelings. Neither Sharkey nor the Chicago Boys were coming back that summer. They were off doing their own things. She would finally have her chance to be an only child, the focus of Abby’s and Lamb’s attention, not that she wanted it now that she had Bru. She was grateful when Abby began to fill the house with guests—her college roommate, who lived in San Francisco; her parents, whom Vix had never met; old friends from Chicago; new friends from Cambridge. They’d eat dinner late and Vix was invited to join them anytime she wished, but after work she’d head for Bru’s cabin in Gay Head. He’d moved in mid-July—one room, woodstove, no plumbing or electricity, but cozy, with a real bed and curtains made by his aunt. Sometimes, as she slept in his arms after making love, she’d dream of Nathan. One night Nathan, his body straight and tall, was pushing her through the woods in a baby carriage. When they reached their destination, a beautiful vista at the top of a mountain, he tilted the stroller so she could see. But she wasn’t strapped in and she slid out, then down, tumbling through space, her arms and legs splayed, a look of terror on her face. She cried out in her sleep, waking herself and Bru. “What?” he asked. “Bad dream,” she said, burrowing into his chest. “It’s okay,” he said, wrapping his arms around her. “I’m here … I won’t let anything bad happen to you.” She never allowed herself to spend the night in his cabin. She forced herself to climb out of bed, night after night, throw on her clothes, and drive home along Old County Road, the road where Lamb’s parents were killed. The phone rang late one night at the house, rousing all of them. Lamb or Abby must have picked up and Vix fell back asleep until Lamb knocked on her door and called, “Vix … if you’re awake, it’s Caitlin.

• From A Critical and Exegetical Commentary on the Epistle to the Galatians (1921)

  3.925, 5.497; Plut. Marius, 14"; here only aN 0s IDL, tara Tog knowledge which they cloaked under a mask of worse, the usual type of hypocrisy which proceeds from fear. By the charac- terisation of this conduct as hypocrisy Paul implies that there had been no real change of conviction on the part of Peter and the rest, but only conduct which belied their real convictions. “The rest of the Jews” are manifestly the other Jewish Chris- tians in Antioch, from which it is evident that it was not Peter only who had eaten with the Gentile Christians but the Jewish Christians generally. That even Barnabas, who shared with Paul the apostleship to the Gentiles, yielded to the pressure exerted by the brethren from Jerusalem shows again how strong was the influence exerted by the latter. Kat (after ait@) is the reading of SACDFGHKLP al. pler. d g Syr. (psh. harcl.) Arm. Aeth. Victorin. Ambrst. Hier. Or. It is omitted by B f Vg. Boh. Goth. Or. (Sout.). Neither external nor internal evidence is decisive; but its omission from the small number of authorities which do not contain it, either from pure inadvertence or from a feeling that it was superfluous, seems somewhat more prob- able than its addition to the great body of authorities. Th Sroxotcer may be either a dative of accompaniment—“ swept along with their hypocrisy”—dependent on the oy in composition (of. Eph. 51! Phil. 414 Rom. 1216 ef freq.) or perhaps, a little more prob- ably, a dative of agent, “by their hypocrisy,” ‘with them” being im- plied in céy. On the use of the verb cuvanéyw, found also in Xen. and Exosichespy 2 Pets 317: 14, aA Gre cidov bre ov« dpOoTrododaww pds THY aAnOELvav Tov evayyediov, “But when I saw that they were not pursuing a straightforward course in relation to the truth of the gospel.” The natural implication of this sentence and indeed of the pre- ceding narrative is that all the events thus far related, the com- ing of the emissaries of James, the retreat of Peter from his first position, the like action of the rest of the Jewish Christians and even of Barnabas, took place before Paul himself took a position of open opposition to Peter. Had Paul, then, been in Antioch all this time, either holding his peace while the whole Jewish element in the church took a position which he judged to be wrong, or unable, without open opposition to IIo GALATIANS Peter, to stem the tide, and reluctant to resort to this? The latter alternative is the more probable, if he was actually present. But the most probable explanation of the facts, neither directly supported nor opposed by anything in the pas- sage itself, is that Paul was absent during the early part of Peter’s stay in Antioch.

• From A Critical and Exegetical Commentary on the Epistle to the Galatians (1921)

  BBut at that time, not knowing God, ye were in bondage to the gods that are not such by nature. 9But now having come to know God, or rather having become known . by God, how is it that ye are turning back again to the weak and beggarly rudiments, to which ye wish to be in bondage again? ™Ye are observing days and months and seasons and years. nl fear that in vain have I spent my labour on you. 8, 'AXXo, rore JJLGV OVK clSo're? 0eoi> eSovXevcrare rof? fyixrti ju?) over i dtols* "But at that time, not knowing God, ye were in bondage to the gods that are not such by nature." Doub- ling, so to speak, upon his course, the apostle reverts to the condition of the Galatians before they received his message, and in antithesis (aXXa) to the description of them in v.7 as heirs through God, describes them as having been in that former time ignorant of God who is in reality such, and in bondage to the gods that by nature are not gods. The purpose of this v. appears in v,9, where he again dissuades them from returning to the state of bondage. That Paul conceived of the deities whom the Galatians formerly worshipped as real existences, is neither proved nor disproved by this sentence, in which he denies to them deity, (?€w/r^<?, but neither affirms nor denies 228 GALATIANS existence; nor by the phrase eircr pdirot,? Kal oiKovoikois in v. 2, since that may be used only by way of rhetorical personification of the law and have no reference to the gods of the Gentiles (cf. on TO, (rrot^cta rov /coVjuou, v.3) ; but that he did so conceive of them is rendered probable by the evidence of i Cor. 85' 6 iol»« 20 Col. 21S. Cf. also Deut. 419 and see literature cited in special note on TA crrotjfela rov Koo-fjiov, p. 510. refers to the past time implied in ofoc&ce (v.7), when Ae Gala- tian Christians were still SouXot; note the ISouXe6uaTs of this sen- tence. E&taes is a perfect participle of existing state, ^ e(86Te<; meaning "not possessing knowledge." How this state of ignorance came about is not here discussed, or whether it was partial or absolute. Cf. Rom. jiwf.

• From A Critical and Exegetical Commentary on the Epistle to the Galatians (1921)

  who is mutilated in this way; Vulg. eunuchus attritis vel amputatis testiculis. njf y nn? [Lxx diuoxsxoti^voc] is one whose sexual mem- ber was cut off; Vulg. abscissa veretro. According to Mishnah Jebam. VI 2, 'contusus njn est omnis, cuius testiculi vulnerati sunt, vel certe unus eorum; exsectus (n-ns), cujus membrum virile praecisum est/ In the modern East emasculation is generally performed in this way. (See Tournefort, Reise, ii, p. 259 [The Levant, 1718, ii. 7] and Burckhardt, Nubien, pp. 450, 45**)" (b) Exhortation not to convert their liberty in Christ into an occasion for yielding to the impulse of the flesh (s18-26). In this paragraph the apostle deals with a new phase of the subject, connected, indeed, with the main theme of the letter, but not previously touched upon. Aware that on the one side it will probably be urged against his doctrine of freedom from law that it removes the restraints that keep men from im- morality, and certainly on the other that those who accept it are in danger of misinterpreting it as if this were the case, he fervently exhorts the Galatians not to fall into this error, but, instead^ through love to serve one another. This exhortation he enforces by the assurance that thus they will fulfil the full requirement of the law, that they will not fulfil the desire of the flesh, nor be under law, and by impressive lists, on the one hand of the works of the flesh, and on the other of the products of the Spirit in the souL ™por ye wer.e called for freedom, brethren. Only convert not your freedom into an opportunity for the ftesh, but through love be servants one of another. uFor the whole law is fulfilled in one wordj even in this} Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. ™But if ye are biting and devouring one another, take heed lest ye be con- sumed by one another. uJ5ut I sayy Walk by the Spirit and ye will not fulfil the desire of the flesh. l7For the desire of the flesh is against that of the Spirit, and the desire of the Spirit against that of the flesh; for these are opposed to one another , that whatsoever ye will ye may not do. ^JBut if ye are led by the Spirit , ye are not under law. l9Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are formcationj uncleanness, wantonness; ^idolatry, witchcraft; enml- v, I2-I3 291

• From A Critical and Exegetical Commentary on the Epistle to the Galatians (1921)

  The fact that xXTQpov6n,ot here means heirs of God, and the deduc- tion of heirship from sonship, itself inferred from an act of adoption, , gives a certain colour of support to Ramsay's view that the of 315^: is not a covenant but a will, and specifically a will in- volving the adoption of a son. If the language of 316|E- were harmonious with these suggestions of the present passage, the latter would fall in with that passage as part of an illustration consistently carried through the whole passage. But (i) the possibility of interpreting this phrase in the way above suggested is not sufficient ground for setting aside the strong counter-evidence that by SiaO^xtj he means not a will, but a covenant. Even if the expression here employed could be shown to involve the idea of adoption by will and inheritance as an adopted son, this would only show that the apostle is now illustrating the spiritual relations which are the real subject of his thought by a different group of facts of common life from those which he employed in 31(^- But (2) it is improbable that it is specifically an adoptive sonship that the apostle has in mind in e( %k v\b<;« For, though he represents the son- ship of the Galatians in common with other believers as acquired by adoption, yet the fact of adoption is nowhere emphasised, and in the actual spiritual realm that which is illustratively called adoption car- ries with it, as a consequence, the bestowal of the Spirit of God's Son, by which, it is implied, those who are sons come into like relation to rv, 7~"8 227 God with that which the Son himself sustains. The conception of adoption, accordingly, falls into the background, leaving simply that of sonship. 8. Description of the former condition of the Galatians as one of bondage to gods not really such, and ex- hortation to them not to return to that state (48~n)« Again directly addressing the Galatians as iri 31, and as in v.1 characterising their former condition as one of enslavement, the apostle describes them as in bondage to gods that were not in reality such, and appeals to them, now that they have come into fellowship with God, not, as they threaten to do by their adoption of the Jewish cycle of feasts and fasts, to return to those weak and beggarly rudimentary teachings under which they formerly were, and expresses his fear that he has laboured over them to no purpose.

• From A Critical and Exegetical Commentary on the Epistle to the Galatians (1921)

  The verbs Bdbtv<t>, xaTe<j6fe>, dcvaTJcrxw (all of common use in classical writers, the first two from Homer down, the third from Pindar down) suggest wild animals engaged in deadly struggle. The order is cli- mactic, the first and second by virtue of their respective meanings, the third in relation to the other two by virtue of their tenses, SdbcvsTg and xorceaOfeTe being amative presents and dvaXcoOijTe a resultative aorist. 16. Aeyw Se, TrvevfJ,an TrcptTrareire /cal eTnOvpfav crapKos ov fjirj T€\ecr<r)T€. "But I say, Walk by the Spirit and ye will not fulfil the desire of the flesh." The use of the phrase X^yo) W, not strictly necessary to the expression of the thought, throws emphasis upon the statement thus introduced. Cf. 317 41 s2 Rom. iols» 19 n1* n is8 i Cor. io29 2 Cor. n16. By irvevnari Paul undoubtedly refers to the Spirit of God as in v.5. So also crc£p£ manifestly has the same ethical meaning as in v.18. (See detached note on D>et>/m, III B. i. (c), p. 491, and 2ap£ 7, p. 493.) TrepiTra/mre is a true imperative in force, while also serving as a protasis to the apodosis ov nrj reX^cr^re. BA£T 269. The tense of the imperative denoting action in progress is appropriately used of that which the Galatians were already doing; cf. 33 s5. Over against the danger spoken of in v.16 and the possible suggestion of the judaisers to the Gala- 298 GALATIANS tians, or the fear of the Galatians themselves, that without the pressure of the law constraining them to do right they would fall into sinful living, Paul enjoins them to continue to govern their conduct by the inward impulse of the Spirit, and emphati- cally assures them that so doing they will not yield to the power within them that makes for evil. The type of life which he thus commends to them is evidently the same which in vv.5' 6 he has described in the words, "For we by the Spirit, by faith, wait for the hope of righteousness. For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision availeth anything nor uncircumcision, but faith working through love"; in 220 in the words, "It is no longer I that live but Christ that liveth in me, and the life that I now live in the flesh, I live by faith, faith upon the Son of God"; and which is described below in v.18in the words, "If ye are led by the Spirit," and in v.25, "If we live by the Spirit." On the identity experientially of life by the Spirit, and the life of Christ within, see p. 222.

• From A Critical and Exegetical Commentary on the Epistle to the Galatians (1921)

  following a statement of fact suffices, however, "to show that In this case the clause expresses primarily an object of apprehension. The objection of Sief. to this interpretation, that Paul certainly could not have implied that his fear of his past work being rendered fruitless was actually realised, rests upon a misunderstanding of the force of a past tense in such cases. This implies not that the fear has been realised — in this case one would not express fear at all, but regret — but that the event is past, and the outcome, which is the real object of fear, as yet unknown or undetermined. Cf. GMT 369; ~BM T 227, and see chap. 4n, where the object clause refers to a past fact, the outcome of which is, however, not only as yet unknown to him, but quite possibly yet to be determined by the course which the Galatians should pursue in response to the letter he was then writing. 3. aXX* o£S£ T/T05 6 <rvv e/W, "EXX??^ &vy yvarytcdarBi) wept* TfjLTjd'rjvai,' "But not even Titus, who was with me, and was a Greek, was compelled to be circumcised." In antithesis to the possibility of his work proving fruitless (by reason of the opposi- tion of the Jerusalem church and apostles) Paul here sets forth the fact that on this very occasion and in a test-case his view prevailed. For aXXa introducing the evidence disproving a pre- viously suggested hypothesis, see Rom. 4* i Cor. 29. The fact of the presence of Titus with the apostle had already been men- tioned in the preceding sentence. Its repetition here in o <rvv €fjio( is evidently, therefore, for an argumentative purpose, and doubtless as emphasising the significance of the fact that he was not circumcised. It is upon this element of the sentence especially that ouoY "not even" throws its emphasis. The opponents of Paul, the "false brethren" desired, of course, the circumcision of ail Gentile Christians. But so far were they from carrying through their demand that not even Titus, who was there on the ground at the time, and to whom the demand would first of all apply, was circumcised. The non-circumcision of Titus, therefore, was in reality a decision of the principle* The phrase <J <?w <f/w/ is thus concessive in effect. See "BM T 428. The participial phrase, ^EXX^i/ &>> adds a fact, probably like <S <nb> <F/*°l> known to the readers, but necessary to be borne in mind in order to appreciate the significance of the fact about to be stated. Like the preceding phrase it also is concessive 76 GALATIANS

• From Birthday Girl (2018)

  Por reflejo, doy un paso atrás, pero no consigo ir más lejos. Aferrándose a mi cintura, me lleva hacia él, rodeándome con un brazo y tomando mi mandíbula en su mano entre su pulgar y los otros cuatro dedos. Jadeo, amando la sensación de su cuerpo duro contra el mío, pero también asustada, porque se ve muy enojado. —No —gruñe, mostrando sus dientes y mirándome con furia en sus ojos—. ¿Lo entiendes? Esto no va a suceder. No vas a conseguir eso de mí. Lágrimas llenan mis ojos y apenas puedo seguir viéndolo mientras mi cuerpo se sacude con un sollozo silencioso. Su brazo es como el acero a mi alrededor y puedo sentir el calor de su furia saliendo por su piel. Me sacude. —Quieres tener sexo, entonces ve a conseguirlo en otro lugar. Inhalo y me giro para alejarme de él, empujando su cuerpo. Está en lo correcto. ¿Qué estoy haciendo? ¿Por qué habría de hacer eso? Me siento tan estúpida y me agacho, recogiendo rápidamente mi camiseta y mis zapatos. Pero no me lo estaba imaginando, ¿verdad? Hubo algo entre nosotros y venía tanto de él como de mí. ¿Solo vi lo que quería ver? Quiero gritar. Lágrimas bajan por mi rostro y simplemente se queda ahí parado, fulminándome con la mirada. —Ve a tu habitación —ordena. Se me sale una risa, el sonido es amargo goteando con incredulidad. —¡Vete a la mierda! —Me enderezo, endureciendo mi voz—. Esta noche encontraré otra cama, gracias. Cualquiera lo haría con una puta como yo, ¿verdad? Me giro rápidamente y corro hacia la puerta trasera, pero agarra el interior de mi codo y me arrastra hacia la pared de su pecho. Dejo caer mi camiseta y mis zapatos y nos obliga a movernos hacia adelante contra la pared de la casa. Estiro mis manos rápidamente, chocando contra el revestimiento. Jesús. Tiemblo, respirando entrecortadamente mientras mi corazón se acelera y mi sangre corre caliente bajo mi piel. ¿Qué demo...? Su mano me rodea, tomando mi rostro y su aliento caliente en mi oreja. —No me amenaces con una mierda como esa. Si quieres actuar como una mocosa, entonces tal vez debería castigarte como una, ¿eh? Casi me río a través de las lágrimas secándose en mi rostro. —Por supuesto —me burlo—. Me muero por ver cómo intentas controlarme. Ni siquiera puedes hacer que Cole haga sus quehaceres y ¿cuándo fue la última vez que una mujer consiguió excitarse en tu cama? Ni siquiera eres un hombre. Gruñe y su palma choca contra la casa frente a mí. Salto. Y lo siguiente que sé es que su mano está en mi cabello y mi cabeza está siendo girada hacia el costado mientras sus labios se estrellan contra los míos.

• From Summer Sisters (1998)

  “I didn’t mean …” Damn! He’d taken it personally. “Bru … this has nothing to do with you. It’s just that sometimes, when I start thinking about all there is that I don’t know … I get scared. That’s all I meant.” “Why don’t you start thinking of all you do know. I’ll bet you know more about life than any of your new friends.” “That’s probably true.” “Don’t you ever wonder what you’re doing here?” “All the time.” She stepped out of the tub and he watched as she rubbed herself down with a towel. “You still love me?” he asked. “Of course I still love you,” she told him. “Did you think I wouldn’t?” “I wasn’t sure, to tell the truth.” “Here, let me prove it …” she said, sinking to her knees. A week later a package came from Vineyard Health. Six different kinds of vitamins and minerals with a personal note from the owner, someone named Star . 27THOUGH PHILOSOPHY was a favorite topic, they were not above discussing Men and Sex. Maia was still a virgin. That might explain her fascination with Bru. Maybe she was more curious than meddlesome. When Maia decided it was time to take action, Paisley and her roommate, Debra, encouraged her. “Winter is long and hard up here,” Paisley said in her southern drawl. She was a big, rawboned girl from Charleston, with the kind of looks Abby would describe as handsome. “You might as well find a warm body to make the dreary nights more exciting.” Debra was Korean, educated at international schools, already a published poet. “If you consider YM being published. But I’m not Sylvia Plath. I don’t want to be Sylvia Plath. I mean, really, look how she wound up.” “Because of some guy,” Maia said. “Most people say it was her mother,” Debra said. “She didn’t stick her head in the oven over her mother,” Maia argued. “She might have,” Debra said. “She might have had some innate imbalance.” “They’re developing drugs for that,” Paisley said. “Soon none of us will be imbalanced. Unless we want to be.” “And creativity will go right down the tubes,” Debra said, which got them talking about the neurotic personality and creativity for the next hour. The warm body Maia found belonged to Wally, a guy she met in Justice, another coveted freshman elective. He was a virgin, too. They saw a lot of one another, spending hours analyzing their situation. Vix suggested maybe they were overanalyzing, maybe it would be better if they just went with their feelings. Maia accused Vix of being the least analytical person she’d ever met. Vix thought that was probably true, given the people Maia knew. Before the blessed event Debra and Paisley presented Maia with an explicit how-to video. Maia sat stiffly, her hands ready to cover her eyes just in case, but instead of being grossed out by what she saw, Maia was turned on. So was Vix.

• From Delta of Venus (1977)

  Once he asked one of the painters for his warm pipe. The man handed it to him. He slipped the pipe up Bijou’s skirt and laid it against her sex. “It’s warm,” he said. “Warm and smooth.” Bijou moved away from the pipe because she did not want them to know that all the Basque’s fondlings had wetted her. But the pipe came out revealing this, as if it had been dipped in peach juice. The Basque handed it back to its owner, who was thus given a little of Bijou’s sexual odor. Bijou was afraid of what the Basque would invent next. She tightened her legs. The Basque was smoking. The three friends sat around the bed, talking disconnectedly as if the gestures which were taking place had nothing to do with their conversation. One of them was talking about the woman painter who was filling the galleries with giant flowers in rainbow colors. “They’re not flowers,” said the pipe smoker, “they’re vulvas. Anyone can see that. It is an obsession with her. She paints a vulva the size of a full-grown woman. At first it looks like petals, the heart of a flower, then one sees the two uneven lips, the fine center line, the wavelike edge of the lips, when they are spread open. What kind of a woman can she be, always exhibiting this giant vulva, suggestively vanishing into a tunnel-like repetition, growing from a large one to a smaller, the shadow of it, as if one were actually entering into it. It makes you feel as though you were standing before those sea plants which open only to suck in whatever food they can catch, open with the same wavering edges.” At this moment the Basque had an idea. He asked Bijou to bring the shaving brush and razor. Bijou obeyed. She was glad for a chance to move about and shake off the erotic lethargy his hands had woven around her. His mind was on something else now. He took the brush and soap from her and began to mix a lather. He placed a new blade in the razor. Then he said to her, “Lie on the bed.” “What are you going to do?” she said. “I have no hairs on my legs.” “I know you haven’t. Show them.” She extended them. They were indeed so smooth that they looked as if they had been polished. They shone like some pale precious wood, highly burnished, not a hair showing, no veins, no roughness, no scars, no defects. The three men bent over her legs. As she shook them, the Basque caught them against his trousers. Then he raised her skirt while she fought to bring it down. “What are you going to do?” she asked again.

• From How to Be Yourself: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety (2018)

  Of course, a teenage boy wouldn’t be expected to know the long-term effects of avoidance. Jim just knew it delayed the moment he would have to tell Deena he really, really liked her, too. It delayed the awkwardness of first love. And most important, it delayed the possibility that if she truly got to know him she would, as Jim feared, realize she had made a terrible mistake and grind his heart into the Dorchester sidewalk. * * * This fear is the core of social anxiety. It’s the sense that something embarrassing, deficient, or flawed about us will become obvious to everyone. Jim feared what I call The Reveal. Social anxiety isn’t just fear of judgment; it’s fear the judgers are right. We think there is something wrong with us, and we avoid in order to conceal it. In our minds, if The Reveal comes to pass we’ll be rejected, humiliated, or exposed. But what exactly are we afraid of? Dr. David Moscovitch, a deep-thinking psychologist at the University of Waterloo, theorizes that The Reveal falls into one of four categories: 1. Our anxiety. First, we might be afraid people will see the physical signs of anxiety itself—we’ll sweat through our shirt, blush as if Grandma just caught us watching porn, or stammer like a beauty pageant contestant failing the onstage question. Thus, our closet is filled with turtlenecks; our medicine cabinet is stocked with clinical-strength antiperspirant. We won’t use a laser pointer or drink from a glass in public because we don’t want people to notice our hands shaking. We never let ’em see us sweat, but that’s only because we never take off our blazer. Or we pop a benzo. 2. Our appearance. Second, we might think there is something shameful about how we look—we’re not attractive enough; we’re dressed inappropriately; our hair is weird. We’re too fat. Everyone will notice our blemishes or think that we look strange. However we slice it, our looks don’t measure up. 3. Our character. This is a big one. We might be worried about our whole personality: we’re not cool, not funny, stupid, a loser, an idiot, crazy, unqualified, inadequate, incompetent, or defective. We may mutter to ourselves in moments of angst, “What the hell is wrong with me?” Answer that question and you’ll find your core fear. Whatever it is, The Reveal will show everyone we’re fundamentally deficient. 4. Our social skills. This is another big one. We might think that we have no personality or are embarrassingly awkward. We worry we won’t have anything to say, we won’t make sense, our mind will go blank, we’re too quiet, too boring, we’ll get emotional, we’ll be confusing, or no one will understand what we say, and after staring uncomprehendingly, they will ask us to repeat ourselves in a tone used when talking to a three-year-old.

• From Birthday Girl (2018)

  Y respiro profundo, cierro mis ojos, y salto, empujándome del borde y dentro del agua. Salen burbujas por montones de mi boca cuando suelto el aire y me hundo hasta el fondo de la piscina. Mi cabello flota a mi alrededor, el agua acaricia mi cuero cabelludo, y la camiseta se eleva mientras cruzo mis piernas y me siento en el suelo de la piscina. No sé cuándo comencé a hacer esto. No crecí con una piscina, por supuesto, pero quizás fue el campamento de verano cuando tenía doce, o Cam llevándome a la piscina pública cuando era niña, que me di cuenta de lo asustada que podría llegar a sentirme por lo desconocido. Me gusta desafiar esa parte de mí, porque eleva mi confianza cuando tengo éxito. Llevando mi ropa hasta la lavandería en el sótano de mala muerte de mi viejo apartamento, sola. Dormir en la oscuridad sin siquiera una luz en el pasillo. Conducir a casa a las dos de la mañana después de un turno y sin revisar el asiento trasero para asegurarme que estaba sola en el auto. Miro alrededor, girando mi cabeza y viendo solo agua, pero mi visión solo me lleva hasta cierto punto y la vista se desvanece en nada. Cualquier cosa podría venir nadando hacia mí de la distancia. Cualquier cosa podría estar detrás de mí. Cualquier cosa podría salir del desagüe, o sumergirse desde la superficie. Cierro mis ojos. Si puedo hacer esto, Cole y yo estaremos bien. Todo estará bien, y seguiré adelante. Mis pulmones comienzan a arder, pero mantengo mis ojos cerrados y permanezco quieta. Algo está mirándome. Y hay algo deslizándose en el agua, dirigiéndose directo hacia mí. Lo siento. Está viniendo por mí. Sé que es mi miedo, así que mantengo mis ojos cerrados, perseverando. Sé que todo estará bien. Es mi imaginación. Puedo hacerlo. Puedo hacerlo. Mis pulmones se estiran dolorosamente, y mi garganta quema, pero aprieto mis puños. Solo otro segundo. Un segundo más. Pero de repente, el agua se sacude a mi alrededor, y abro mis ojos, sabiendo que esta vez no es mi imaginación. Levanto la mirada y veo a Pike justo cuando llega hasta mí. Me agarra debajo de los brazos y lo golpeo, sacudiendo mi cabeza. Sin embargo, mis pulmones están cansados y ya no puedo soportar más. Alejándolo en el agua, coloco mis pies en el fondo de la piscina y salgo disparada hacia la superficie. Me abro paso, tosiendo con el cabello pegado a mi rostro. Lo escucho escupir agua junto a mí. ―¿Qué diablos estás haciendo? ―gruño. ―¡Pensé que te estabas ahogando! ¿Qué diablos? ¿Qué estabas haciendo? Toso otra vez, jadeando mientras inhalo bocanadas de aire. ―Enfrentando mis miedos. Maldición ―refunfuño mientras nado hacia el borde. ―¿Estás bien? ―Estoy bien. ―Muevo mi brazo arriba y sobre el borde, mis músculos están débiles por el susto que me dio. ―¿Estás segura? Se levanta y sale de la piscina, estirando una mano para ayudarme.

• From The Surrender: An Erotic Memoir (2004)

  He knelt above me, shoving this enormous protrusion toward my mouth, saying “Suck it, suck it,” with a strong French accent. It was the size of a corncob. I was terrified. Condoms didn’t fit, they kept rolling back to the tip like a bad joke that was very funny. Finally, I rolled one on three inches with much cock to spare and we had a three-inch, fat fuck. After seriously considering the evidence of my current sexual escapades, I concluded that I did not like intercourse. The Young Man had been a strange exception. Either they were not so big, and I felt little, and the whole event felt feeble: the Princess and the Pea. Or they were so big it hurt and my anger would increase with every thrust until I became the victim of a monstrous rage. Besides, I almost never had an orgasm from fucking except for the one guy who would direct me to climb on top and “make” myself come. He would just lie there, rigid in body and cock, and I would follow his directive and rub my clit on his pubic bone. But, I thought, this was not coming from intercourse, this was masturbating with a live dildo. I ended up resenting his orders until my only defense, ironically, was not to come. Every man who fucked me risked my contempt—and most earned it. The smart ones stayed away or insisted on friendship, while the arrogant ones plunged in to their enormous satisfaction—and eternal regret. There were also, of course, the romantics, who thought they wanted a woman like me—but they didn’t, not really, not once they’d seen my version of romance. Was I gay and wasting my time with men? I adore beautiful, feminine, bright women: if I was so anti-penetration and so clitorally oriented, maybe they were the way to go. But conquering men—or, rather my resentment of them—has always seemed a far more interesting challenge. I reckon every woman wants a cock between her legs, ultimately. The question is: Does she want one of her own, or can she tolerate one belonging to a man? SCANTY PANTIES It is perhaps no surprise, given my theatrical background, that props, costumes, and ceremony became increasingly essential components of my newly expanded private life. My bed became the stage for that intense human drama called sexual interplay. I knew from public performance that artifice, ambiance, and ritual could propel the participant into a state of truth and beauty far more effectively than thoughts or good intentions.

• From Birthday Girl (2018)

  Me inclino, mirando sus oscuros ojos marrones, mientras al mismo tiempo, saco las llaves del bar de mi bolsillo trasero. —No te pedí que vinieras. Y como dije, tengo quien me lleve. Dando media vuelta, me apresuro a la entrada de Grounders y abro la puerta rápidamente. —¡Jordan! —Lo escucho gritar. Abro la puerta de un tirón y entro, lanzándole una mirada dura mientras todavía está sentado en el auto. —Vete a casa. Y cierro la puerta de nuevo, girando la cerradura y retrocediendo como si fuera a intentar derribarla. Me quedo allí, respirando con dificultad y temblando. No permitirá que eso pase. No hará nada esta noche, porque hubiera salido del auto más rápido de lo que yo hubiera podido llegar a la puerta del bar si fuera a intentarlo, pero estará lo suficientemente enojado como para no olvidarlo. Fue un error de seis meses que cometí en la escuela secundaria, pero no volveré a ser tan estúpida. Mi guardia está arriba ahora. Y no vino a llevarme a casa esta noche. No directamente, de todos modos. Tal vez después de haber terminado conmigo. Cierro los ojos, tratando de ahogar el recuerdo de él golpeando la ventana de mi auto una noche mientras yo trataba frenéticamente de poner la llave en el contacto. Todavía puedo sentir el fuego en mi cuero cabelludo donde jaló mi cabello. Me doy la vuelta y abro los ojos, alejando los pensamientos. Después de un momento, escucho el rugido del motor más allá de la barra y los neumáticos chirriando por la calle. Se ha ido. Pongo mi bolso en la barra y corro por el pasillo, deslizándome por los baños, revisando las cerraduras de la puerta trasera, abriéndola y volviendo a cerrarla, tirando del mango para asegurarme que no abre, y luego vuelvo a correr al frente y reviso la puerta de entrada nuevamente y las ventanas. Sacando el teléfono de mi bolso, me siento en un taburete de la barra, agarrándolo con mi puño. ¿A quién llamo? Probablemente Jay esté diciendo la verdad. Cole está borracho de nuevo. ¿Por qué haría eso? Sabía que estaba contando con él para que me buscara. Estoy segura que no sabe que Jay fue quien vino en su lugar, pero aun así… podría malditamente matarlo. Trago el dolor que sube por mi garganta. Llamo a mi hermana, pero como siempre, va al correo de voz. Probablemente ya está saliendo del trabajo o está en casa durmiendo. ¿Mi papá? ¿Madrastra? Ni siquiera han llamado desde que los llamé hace una semana. No pueden hacer nada sin actuar como si fuera una gran imposición. Pedirles algo es deberles. Es una carga. Soy una carga. Pike cruza por mi mente. No tengo dudas que vendría.