Desire

Passages

Every passage tagged with this emotion in the Vela corpus. Search the body text, narrow by source or register, click through to a book’s profile to see how the passage sits with the rest of the work.

Page 58 of 344 · 20 per page

• From The Art of Seduction (2001)

  The Masculine Dandy succeeds by reversing the normal pattern of male superiority in matters of love and seduction. A man's apparent inde- Further light— a whole flood of it—i s thrown pendence, his capacity for detachment, often seems to give him the upper upon this attraction of hand in the dynamic between men and women. A purely feminine woman the male in petticoats for will arouse desire, but is always vulnerable to the man's capricious loss of the female, in the diary of the A b b é de Choisy, one interest; a purely masculine woman, on the other hand, will not arouse that of the most brilliant men-interest at all. Follow the path of the Masculine Dandy, however, and you women of history, of whom neutralize all a man's powers. Never give completely of yourself; while you we shall hear a great deal are passionate and sexual, always retain an air of independence and self-more later. The abbé, a churchman of Paris, was a possession. You might move on to the next man, or so he will think. You constant masquerader in have other, more important matters to concern yourself with, such as your female attire. He lived in work. Men do not know how to fight women who use their own weapons the days of Louis XIV, and was a great friend of Louis' against them; they are intrigued, aroused, and disarmed. Few men can resist brother, also addicted to the taboo pleasures offered up to them by the Masculine Dandy. women's clothes. A young 48 • The Art of Seduction girl, Mademoiselle The seduction emanating from a person of uncertain or dis-Charlotte, thrown much simulated sex is powerful. into his company, fell —COLETTE desperately in love with the abbé, and when the affair had progressed to a liaison, the abbé asked her Keys to the Character how she came to be won . . . • " I stood in no need of caution as I should have with a man. I saw nothing but a beautiful woman, Many of us today imagine that sexual freedom has progressed in recent years—that everything has changed, for better or worse. This is mostly an illusion; a reading of history reveals periods of licentiousness and why should I be forbidden to love you? (imperial Rome, late-seventeenth-century England, the "floating world" of What advantages a eighteenth-century Japan) far in excess of what we are currently experi-woman's dress gives you! encing. Gender roles are certainly changing, but they have changed before. The heart of a man is there, and that makes a Society is in a state of constant flux, but there is something that does not great impression upon us, change: the vast majority of people conform to whatever is normal for the and on the other hand, all time. They play the role allotted to them. Conformity is a constant because the charms of the fair sex fascinate us, and prevent us

• From The Art of Seduction (2001)

  named Ignazia was leaving church after confession. She was approached by Casanova. Walking her home, he explained that he had a passion for dancing the fandango, and invited her to a ball the following evening. He was so different from anyone in the town, which bored her so—she desperately wanted to go. Her parents were against the arrangement, but she persuaded her mother to act as a chaperone. After an unforgettable evening of dancing (and he danced the fandango remarkably well for a foreigner), Casanova confessed that he was madly in love with her. She replied (very sadly, though) that she already had a fiancé. Casanova did not force the issue, but over the next few days he took Ignazia to more dances and to the bullfights. On one of these occasions he introduced her to a friend of his, a duchess, who flirted with him brazenly; Ignazia was terribly jealous. By now she was desperately in love with Casanova, but her sense of duty and religion forbade such thoughts. Finally, after days of torment, Ignazia sought out Casanova and took his hand: "My confessor tried to make me promise to never be alone with you again," she said, "and as I could not, he refused to give me absolution. It is the first time in my life such a thing has happened to me. I have put myself in God's hands. I have made up my mind, so long as you are here, to do all you wish. When to my sorrow you leave Spain, I shall find another confessor. My fancy for you is, after all, only a passing madness." Casanova was perhaps the most successful seducer in history; few women could resist him. His method was simple: on meeting a woman, he would The Ideal Lover • 33 study her, go along with her moods, find out what was missing in her life, During the early 1970s, and provide it. He made himself the Ideal Lover. The bored burgomaster's against a turbulent political backdrop that included the wife needed adventure and romance; she wanted someone who would sac- fiasco of American rifice time and comfort to have her. For Miss Pauline what was missing was involvement in the friendship, lofty ideals, serious conversation; she wanted a man of breeding Vietnam War and the downfall of President and generosity who would treat her like a lady. For Ignazia, what was miss- Richard Nixon's ing was suffering and torment. Her life was too easy; to feel truly alive, and presidency in the Watergate to have something real to confess, she needed to sin. In each case Casanova scandal, a "me generation" adapted himself to the woman's ideals, brought her fantasy to life. Once she sprang to prominence—a nd [ Andy] Warhol was there had fallen under his spell, a little ruse or calculation would seal the romance to hold up its mirror. (a day among rats, a contrived fall from a horse, an encounter with another Unlike the radicalized

• From Holy Ghost Girl (2012)

  With their dark hair, big eyes, and petite frames, the fifteen-year-old twins exerted a powerful pull on my imagination. I gravitated toward them, but they did not gravitate back. I tripped on the corner of a box and a shoebox filled with letters tumbled off. Maybe love letters. I grabbed a handful of envelopes, stuffed them in the shoebox, and set it back. I had to get out of there before someone discovered me. But if the rapture came and I was left behind, I’d head to Betty’s room and grab the shoebox. Never mind that I didn’t know how to read. Miracles happened every day. When the rapture came, I would read those letters.The Smiths were bona fide religious nuts, a distinction hard to achieve in our circles. The grown-ups who traveled with the tent fasted and prayed and used their hotline to heaven on a regular basis, but they also made jokes, enjoyed good meals, and listened to country music occasionally on the radio, if only to keep them awake during the long drives between revivals. Brother and Sister Smith honed piety to a sharper, more austere edge. Hunger was next to godliness and the family fasted several days a week. They also insisted my brother and I fast, though in deference to our ages they allowed us to eat one meal in the evening. The Smiths wanted to crucify the flesh, to rid their bodies and ours of earthly needs and cravings, so that we could all become more closely attuned to the world of the spirit. All that fasting must have worked because the Holy Ghost dropped in regularly. We might be washing dishes or sitting down for a rare family meal, when Brother or Sister Smith would begin praying aloud and speaking in tongues.“Hallelujah. Praise God. Pass the sweet potatoes.”“Glory be to God, this meat loaf’s good.”“Amen, Sister Smith. Shondalie. Condalie.”“Efna say ho li. Where’s the gravy?”We thought of the Holy Ghost as a direct experience of God. But it was a bit like the chicken pox, in that it was something you could “get,” and people got it in almost every church service and revival. Everyone said the Holy Ghost changed everything, and that was certainly my experience. Despite the rift between Brother Terrell and the organized church world, the Smiths attended an Assemblies of God church located conveniently across the street from their house. Unless I was sick, I was in the pews every night. The services usually ended with an altar call. On this particular night, the preacher said he had a burden for young people and announced a special altar call for the youth.“The Bible says God will pour out his spirit on all who seek him. And for many of you young people, tonight is the night. God wants to fill you with his spirit. Don’t leave this church without saying yes to God.”Teenagers trickled up to the front.

• From The Art of Seduction (2001)

  He was not in fact very handsome, and his wealth was more than offset by sheltered from the swells \ his bad reputation. His success was strategic: he isolated his victims, work-There in the still canals \ Those drowsy ships that ing so slowly and subtly that they did not notice it. The intensity of his at- dream of sailing forth; \ It tention made a woman feel that in his eyes, at that moment, she was the is to satisfy \ Your least only woman in the world. This isolation was experienced as pleasure; the desire, they ply \ Hither through all the waters of woman did not notice her growing dependence, how the way he filled up the earth. \ The sun at her mind with his attention slowly isolated her from her friends and her close of day \ Clothes the milieu. Her natural suspicions of the man were drowned out by his intoxi- fields of hay, \ Then the cating effect on her ego. Aly Khan almost always capped off his seductions canals, at last the town entire \ In hyacinth and by taking the woman to some enchanted place on the globe—a place that gold: \ Slowly the land is he knew well, but where the woman felt lost. rolled \ Sleepward under a Do not give your targets the time or space to worry about, suspect, or sea of gentle fire. \ There, there is nothing else but resist you. Flood them with the kind of attention that crowds out all other grace and measure, \ thoughts, concerns, and problems. Remember—people secretly yearn to be Richness, quietness, and led astray by someone who knows where they are going. It can be a plea- pleasure. sure to let go, and even to feel isolated and weak, if the seduction is done —CHARLES BAUDELAIRE, slowly and gracefully. "INVITATION TO THE VOYAGE," THE FLOWERS OF EVIL, TRANSLATED BY RICHARD Put them in a spot where they have no place to go, and WILBUR they will die before fleeing. —SUN-TZU Keys to Seduction The people around you may seem strong, and more or less in control of their lives, but that is merely a facade. Underneath, people are more brittle than they let on. What lets them seem strong is the series of nests and safety nets they envelop themselves in—their friends, their families, their daily routines, which give them a feeling of continuity, safety, and control. Suddenly pull the rug out from under them, drop them alone into some foreign place where the familiar signposts are gone or scrambled, and you will see a very different person.

• From The Art of Seduction (2001)

  Reversal I n warfare, you need space to align your troops, room to maneuver. The more space you have, the more intricate your strategy can be. But some- times it is better to overwhelm the enemy, giving them no time to think or react. Although Casanova adapted his strategies to the woman in question, he would often try to make an immediate impression, stirring her desire at the first encounter. Perhaps he would perform some gallantry, rescuing a woman in danger; perhaps he would dress so that his target would notice him in a crowd. In either case, once he had the woman's attention he would move with lightning speed. A Siren like Cleopatra tries to have an immediate physical effect on men, giving her victims no time or space to retreat. She uses the element of surprise. The first period of your contact with someone can involve a level of desire that will never be repeated; boldness will carry the day. But these are short seductions. The Sirens and the Casanovas only get pleasure from the number of their victims, moving quickly from conquest to conquest, and this can be tiring. Casanova burned himself out; Sirens, insatiable, are never satisfied. The indirect, carefully constructed seduction may reduce the number of your conquests, but more than compensate by their quality. and caprice of which love is capable. —IBN HAZM; THE RING OF THE DOVE: A TREATISE ON THE ART AND PRACTICE OF ARAB LOVE, TRANSLATED BY A. J. ARBERRY Send Mixed Signals Once people are aware of your presence, and perhaps vaguely intrigued, you need to stir their interest before it settles on someone else. What is ob- vious and striking may attract their attention at first, but that attention is often short-lived; in the long run, ambi- guity is much more potent. Most of us are much too obvi- ous—instead, be hard to figure out. Send mixed signals: both tough and tender, both spiritual and earthy, both inno- cent and cunning. A mix of qualities suggests depth, which fascinates even as it confuses. An elusive, enigmatic aura will make people want to know more, drawing them into your circle. Create such a power by hinting at something contradictory within you. Good and Bad I n 1806, when Prussia and France were at war, Auguste, the handsome twenty-four-year-old prince of Prussia and nephew of Frederick the Great, was captured by Napoleon. Instead of locking him up, Napoleon al- lowed him to wander around French territory, keeping a close watch on him through spies. The prince was devoted to pleasure, and spent his time moving from town to town, seducing young girls.

• From The Art of Seduction (2001)

  Oh, I fear the contrary, and this distresses me. . . . Are you not often the victim of her strange whims?" To the young man's surprise, Madame began to talk of the countess in a way that made it seem that she had been unfaithful to him (which was some- thing he had suspected). Madame sighed—she regretted saying such things about her friend, and asked him to forgive her; then, as if a new thought had occurred to her, she mentioned a nearby pavilion, a delightful place, full of pleasant memories. But the shame of it was, it was locked and she had no key. And yet they found their way to the pavilion, and lo and be- hold, the door had been left open. It was dark inside, but the young man could sense that it was a place for trysts. They entered and sank onto a sofa, and before he knew what had come over him, he took her in his arms. Madame seemed to push him away, but then gave in. Finally she came to her senses: they must return to the house. Had he gone too far? He must try to control himself. As they strolled back to the house, Madame remarked, "What a deli- cious night we've just spent." Was she referring to what had happened in the pavilion? "There is an even more charming room in the château," she went on, "but I can't show you anything," implying he had been too for- ward. She had mentioned this room ("Monsieur's apartment") several times before; he could not imagine what could be so interesting about it, but by now he was dying to see it and insisted she show it to him. "If you promise to be good," she replied, her eyes widening. Through the darkness of the house she led him into the room, which, to his delight, was a kind of tem- ple of pleasure: there were mirrors on the walls, trompe l'oeil paintings evoking a forest scene, even a dark grotto, and a garlanded statue of Eros. Overwhelmed by the mood of the place, the young man quickly resumed what he had started in the pavilion, and would have lost all track of time if a servant had not rushed in and warned them that it was getting light outside—Monsieur would soon be up. They quickly separated. Later that day, as the young man prepared to leave, his hostess said, "Goodbye, Monsieur; I owe you so many pleasures; but I have paid you with a beautiful dream. Now your love summons you to return. . . . Don't give the Countess cause to quarrel with me." Reflect- ing on his experience on the way back, he could not figure out what it meant.

• From The Art of Seduction (2001)

  not dramatically beautiful; her body was boyish, and her style was garish • . . . His manner was so and tasteless. Even so, the most dashing men of Europe vied for her favors, gently persuasive that devils and demons could often ruining themselves in the process. It was Cora's spirit and attitude that not have gainsaid him. enthralled them. Spoiled by her father, she imagined that spoiling her was • . . . She was so small natural—that all men should do the same. The consequence was that, like a that he lifted her easily. As child, she never felt she had to try to please. It was Cora's powerful air of he passed through the doors to his own room, he came independence that made men want to possess her, tame her. She never pre- upon Chujo who had been tended to be anything more than a courtesan, so the brazenness that in a summoned earlier. He lady would have been uncivil in her seemed natural and fun. And as with a called out in surprise. Surprised in turn, Chujo spoiled child, a man's relationship with her was on her terms. The moment peered into the darkness. he tried to change that, she lost interest. This was the secret of her astound- The perfume that came ing success. from his robes like a cloud of smoke told her who he Spoiled children have an undeservedly bad reputation: while those who was. . . . [ Chujo] followed are spoiled with material things are indeed often insufferable, those who are after, but Genji was quite spoiled with affection know themselves to be deeply seductive. This be- unmoved by her pleas. • "Come for her in the comes a distinct advantage when they grow up. According to Freud (who morning," he said, sliding was speaking from experience, since he was his mother's darling), spoiled the doors closed. • The children have a confidence that stays with them all their lives. This quality lady was bathed in radiates outward, drawing others to them, and, in a circular process, making perspiration and quite beside herself at the people spoil them still more. Since their spirit and natural energy were thought of what Chujo, never tamed by a disciplining parent, as adults they are adventurous and and the others too, would bold, and often impish or brazen. be thinking. Genji had to feel sorry for her. Yet the The lesson is simple: it may be too late to be spoiled by a parent, but it sweet words poured forth, is never too late to make other people spoil you. It is all in your attitude. the whole gamut of pretty People are drawn to those who expect a lot out of life, whereas they tend devices for making a woman surrender. . . . •

• From The Art of Seduction (2001)

  The moment people feel that something is prohibited, a part of them Stern's friends rented a will want it. That is what makes a married man or woman such a delicious bachelor's pied-à-terre target—the more someone is prohibited, the greater the desire. George Vil- where he received his wife as a mistress, served her liers, the Earl of Buckingham, was the favorite first of King James I, then of with port and petits-fours James's son, King Charles I. Nothing was ever denied him. In 1625, on a and "experienced all the visit to France, he met the beautiful Queen Anne and fell hopelessly in tingling excitement of adultery." He told Stern love. What could be more impossible, more out of reach, than the queen of that it was a delightful a rival power? He could have had almost any other woman, but the prohib- sensation to cuckold ited nature of the queen completely enflamed him, until he embarrassed himself. himself and his country by trying to kiss her in public. — N I N A E P T O N , Since what is forbidden is desired, somehow you must make yourself LOVE AND THE FRENCH seem forbidden. The most blatant way to do this is to engage in behavior that gives you a dark and forbidden aura. Theoretically you are someone to avoid; in fact you are too seductive to resist. That was the allure of the actor Errol Flynn, who, like Byron, often found himself the pursued rather than the pursuer. Flynn was devilishly handsome, but he also had something else: a definite criminal streak. In his wild youth he engaged in all kinds of shady activities. In the 1950s he was charged with rape, a permanent stain on his reputation even though he was acquitted; but his popularity among women only increased. Play up your dark side and you will have a similar effect. For your targets to be involved with you means going beyond their limits, doing something naughty and unacceptable—to society, to their peers. For many that is reason to bite the bait. 356 • The Art of Seduction In Junichiro Tanazaki's 1928 novel Quicksand, Sonoko Kakiuchi, the wife of a respectable lawyer, is bored and decides to take art classes to wile away the time. There, she finds herself fascinated with a fellow female student, the beautiful Mitsuko, who befriends her, then seduces her. Kakiuchi is forced to tell endless lies to her husband about her involvement with Mitsuko and their frequent trysts. Mitsuko slowly involves her in all kinds of nefarious activities, including a love triangle with a bizarre young man. Each time Kakiuchi is made to explore some forbidden pleasure, Mitsuko challenges her to go further and further. Kakiuchi hesitates, feels remorse— she knows she is in the clutches of a devilish young seductress who has played on her boredom to lead her astray. But in the end, she cannot help following Mitsuko's lead—each transgressive act makes her want more.

• From The Art of Seduction (2001)

  Second, they often suffer from low self-esteem. Do not try to raise it; they will see through you, and your efforts at praising them will clash with their own self-image. They are to worship you; you are not to worship them. Idol Worshipers make perfectly adequate victims in the short term, but their endless need to search will eventually lead them to look for something new to adore. The Seducer's Victims— The Eighteen Types • 159 The Sensualist. What marks these types is not their love of pleasure but their overactive senses. Sometimes they show this quality in their appearance—their interest in fashion, color, style. But sometimes it is more subtle: because they are so sensitive, they are often quite shy, and they will shrink from standing out or being flamboyant. You will recognize them by how responsive they are to their environment, how they cannot stand a room without sunlight, are depressed by certain colors, or excited by certain smells. They happen to live in a culture that deempha-sizes sensual experience (except perhaps for the sense of sight). And so what the Sensualist lacks is precisely enough sensual experiences to appreciate and relish. The key to seducing them is to aim for their senses, to take them to beautiful places, pay attention to detail, envelop them in spectacle, and of course use plenty of physical lures. Sensualists, like animals, can be baited with colors and smells. Appeal to as many senses as possible, keeping your targets distracted and weak. Seductions of Sensualists are often easy and quick, and you can use the same tactics again and again to keep them interested, although it is wise to vary your sensual appeals somewhat, in kind if not in quality. That is how Cleopatra worked on Mark Antony, an inveterate Sensualist. These types make superb victims because they are relatively docile if you give them what they want. The Lonely Leader. Powerful people are not necessarily different from everyone else, but they are treated differently, and this has a big effect on their personalities. Everyone around them tends to be fawning and courtierlike, to have an angle, to want something from them. This makes them suspicious and distrustful, and a little hard around the edges, but do not mistake the appearance for the reality: Lonely Leaders long to be seduced, to have someone break through their isolation and overwhelm them. The problem is that most people are too intimidated to try, or use the kind of tactics—flattery, charm—that they see through and despise. To seduce such types, it is better to act like their equal or even their superior— the kind of treatment they never get. If you are blunt with them you will seem genuine, and they will be touched—you care enough to be honest, even perhaps at some risk. (Being blunt with the powerful can be dangerous.) Lonely Leaders can be made emotional by inflicting some pain, followed by tenderness.

• From The Art of Seduction (2001)

  Never let the other person take you for granted—use absence, create pain and conflict, to keep the seduced on tenterhooks. Appendix A: Seductive Environment/Seductive Time page 431 Appendix B: Soft Seduction: How to Sell Anything to the Masses page 441 Selected Bibliography • 455 Index • 457 Preface Thousands of years ago, power was mostly gained through physical vio- lence and maintained with brute strength. There was little need for subtlety—a king or emperor had to be merciless. Only a select few had power, but no one suffered under this scheme of things more than women. They had no way to compete, no weapon at their disposal that could make a man do what they wanted—politically, socially, or even in the home. Of course men had one weakness: their insatiable desire for sex. A woman could always toy with this desire, but once she gave in to sex the man was back in control; and if she withheld sex, he could simply look elsewhere—or exert force. What good was a power that was so temporary and frail? Yet women had no choice but to submit to this condition. There were some, though, whose hunger for power was too great, and who, over the years, through much cleverness and creativity, invented a way of turn- ing the dynamic around, creating a more lasting and effective form of power. These women—among them Bathsheba, from the Old Testament; Helen of Troy; the Chinese siren Hsi Shi; and the greatest of them all, Cleopatra—invented seduction. First they would draw a man in with an al- luring appearance, designing their makeup and adornment to fashion the image of a goddess come to life. By showing only glimpses of flesh, they would tease a man's imagination, stimulating the desire not just for sex but for something greater: the chance to possess a fantasy figure. Once they had their victims' interest, these women would lure them away from the mascu- line world of war and politics and get them to spend time in the feminine world—a world of luxury, spectacle, and pleasure. They might also lead them astray literally, taking them on a journey, as Cleopatra lured Julius Caesar on a trip down the Nile. Men would grow hooked on these refined, sensual pleasures—they would fall in love. But then, invariably, the women would turn cold and indifferent, confusing their victims. Just when the men wanted more, they found their pleasures withdrawn. They would be forced into pursuit, trying anything to win back the favors they once had tasted and growing weak and emotional in the process. Men who had physical force and all the social power—men like King David, the Trojan Paris, Julius Caesar, Mark Antony, King Fu Chai—would find themselves becoming the slave of a woman.

• From The Art of Seduction (2001)

  She used her eyes in a subtle fascinating way— "she danced with her eyes." The women thought that all that serpentine undulating of the body, all that nonchalant rhythmic nodding of the head, were sensuous; the men were wafted into a realm of 187 188 • The Art of Seduction singing a love song. And now, suddenly, she changed: there was a roguish look in her eye as she glanced at him. The angelic voice, the glances, the energy animating her face, sent his mind reeling. He was confused. When the same thing happened the next night, the prince decided to extend his stay at the château. In the days that followed, the prince and Madame Récamier took walks together, rowed out on the lake, and attended dances, where he finally held her in his arms. They would talk late into the night. But nothing grew clear to him: she would seem so spiritual, so noble, and then there would be a touch of the hand, a sudden flirtatious remark. After two weeks at the château, the most eligible bachelor in Europe forgot all his libertine habits and proposed marriage to Madame Récamier. He would convert to Catholi- cism, her religion, and she would divorce her much older husband. (She had told him her marriage had never been consummated and so the Catholic church could annul it.) She would then come to live with him in Prussia. Madame promised to do as he wished. The prince hurried off to Prussia to seek the approval of his family, and Madame returned to Paris to secure the required annulment. Auguste flooded her with love letters, and waited. Time passed; he felt he was going mad. Then, finally, a letter: she had changed her mind. Some months later, Madame Récamier sent Auguste a gift: Gérard's fa- mous painting of her reclining on a sofa. The prince spent hours in front of it, trying to pierce the mystery behind her gaze. He had joined the com- pany of her conquests—of men like the writer Benjamin Constant, who said of her, "She was my last love. For the rest of my life I was like a tree struck by lightning." Interpretation. Madame Récamier's list of conquests became only more impressive as she grew older: there was Prince Metternich, the Duke of Wellington, the writers Constant and Chateaubriand. For all of these men she was an obsession, which only increased in intensity when they were away from her. The source of her power was twofold. First, she had an an- gelic face, which drew men to her. It appealed to paternal instincts, charm- ing with its innocence. But then there was a second quality peeking through, in the flirtatious looks, the wild dancing, the sudden gaiety—all these caught men off guard.

• From The Art of Seduction (2001)

  Our desire for another person almost always involves social considera- hungry, are just like tions: we are attracted to those who are attractive to other people. We want children in that they seek to possess them and steal them away. You can believe all the sentimental out the foods that others take. In their love affairs, nonsense you want to about desire, but in the end, much of it has to do they seek out the man or with vanity and greed. Do not whine and moralize about people's selfish- woman whom others find ness, but simply use it to your advantage. The illusion that you are desired attractive and abandon those who are not sought by others will make you more attractive to your victims than your beautiful after. When we say of a face or your perfect body. And the most effective way to create that illusion man or woman that he or is to create a triangle: impose another person between you and your victim, she is desirable, what we really mean is that others and subtly make your victim aware of how much this other person wants desire them. It is not that you. The third point on the triangle does not have to be just one person: they have some particular surround yourself with admirers, reveal your past conquests—in other quality, but because they words, envelop yourself in an aura of desirability. Make your targets com- conform to some currently modish model. pete with your past and your present. They will long to possess you all to — S E R G E MOSCOVICI, THE AGE themselves, giving you great power for as long as you elude their grasp. Fail OF THE CROWD:A HISTORICAL to make yourself an object of desire right from the start, and you will end TREATISE ON MASS PSYCHOL-up the sorry slave to the whims of your lovers—they will abandon you the OGY, TRANSLATED BY J. C. WHITEHOUSE moment they lose interest. [ A person] will desire any object so long as he is convinced that it is desired by another person whom he admires. It will be greatly to your advantage to entertain the —RENÉ GIRARD lady you would win with an account of the number of women who are in love with you, and of the Keys to Seduction decided advances which they have made to you; for this will not only prove We are social creatures, and are immensely influenced by the tastes and that you are a great favorite desires of other people. Imagine a large social gathering. You see a with the ladies, and a man man alone, whom nobody talks to for any length of time, and who is wan- of true honor, but it will dering around without company; isn't there a kind of self-fulfilling isola- convince her that she may have the honor of being

• From The Art of Seduction (2001)

  this attitude of disquiet is routine, losing track of its original goals. Too much prosperity saps it of unconscious, but in some it strength. You can seduce an entire nation by aiming at its collective insecu-reaches the threshold of rity, that latent sense that not everything is what it seems. Stirring dissatis-awareness in the form of a slight uneasiness, or a faction with the present and reminding people about the glorious past can stagnant dissatisfaction, or unsettle their sense of identity. Then you can be the one to redefine it—a a realization of being upset grand seduction. without knowing why. — T H E O D O R R E I K , OF LOVE AND LUST Symbol: Cupid's Arrow. What awakens desire in the seduced is not a soft touch or a pleasant sensation; it is a wound. The arrow creates a pain, an ache, a need for relief Before desire there must be pain. Aim the arrow at the victim's weakest spot, creating a wound that you can open and reopen. Reversal If you go too far in lowering the targets' self-esteem they may feel too insecure to enter into your seduction. Do not be heavy-handed; like Lawrence, always follow up the wounding attack with a soothing gesture. Otherwise you will simply alienate them. Charm is often a subtler and more effective route to seduction. The Victorian Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli always made people feel better about themselves. He deferred to them, made them the center of attention, made them feel witty and vibrant. He was a boon to their vanity, and they grew addicted to him. This is a kind of diffused seduction, lacking in tension and in the deep emotions that the sexual variety stirs; it bypasses people's hunger, their need for some kind of fulfillment. But if you are subtle and clever, it can be a way of lowering their defenses, creating an unthreatening friendship. Once they are under your spell in this way, you can then open the wound. Indeed, after Disraeli had charmed Queen Victoria and established a friendship with her, he made her feel vaguely inadequate in the establishment of an empire and the realization of her ideals. Everything depends on the target. People who are riddled with insecurities may require the gentler variety. Once they feel comfortable with you, aim your arrows. Master the Art of Insinuation Making your targets feel dis- satisfied and in need of your atten- tion is essential, but if you are too obvious, they will see through you and grow defensive. There is no known defense, however, against insinuation— the art of plant- ing ideas in people's minds by dropping elusive hints that take root days later, even appearing to them as their own idea. Insinua- tion is the supreme means of influencing people. Cre- ate a sublanguage— bold state- ments followed by retraction and apology, ambiguous comments, banal talk combined with alluring glances— that enters the target's unconscious to convey your real

• From The Art of Seduction (2001)

  meaning. Make everything suggestive. Insinuating Desire One evening in the 1770s, a young man went to the Paris Opera to meet his lover, the Countess de . The couple had been fighting, and he was anxious to see her again. The countess had not arrived yet at her box, but from an adjacent one a friend of hers, Madame de T , called out to the young man to join her, remarking that it was an excellent stroke of luck that they had met that evening—he must keep her company As we were about to enter on a trip she had to take. The young man wanted urgently to see the the chamber, she stopped me. "Remember," she said countess, but Madame was charming and insistent and he agreed to go with gravely, "you are supposed her. Before he could ask why or where, she quickly escorted him to her never to have seen, never carriage outside, which then sped off. even suspected, the Now the young man enjoined his hostess to tell him where she was sanctuary you're about to enter. . . ." • . . . All this taking him. At first she just laughed, but finally she told him: to her hus- was like an initiation rite. band's château. The couple had been estranged, but had decided to recon- She led me by the hand cile; her husband was a bore, however, and she felt a charming young man across a small, dark corridor. My heart was like himself would liven things up. The young man was intrigued: Madame pounding as though I were was an older woman, with a reputation for being rather formal, though he a young proselyte being put also knew she had a lover, a marquis. Why had she chosen him for this ex- to the test before the celebration oj the great cursion? Her story was not quite credible. Then, as they traveled, she sug- mysteries. . . . • "But gested he look out the window at the passing landscape, as she was doing. your Countess . . . " she He had to lean over toward her to do so, and just as he did, the carriage said, stopping. I was about jolted. She grabbed his hand and fell into his arms. She stayed there for a to reply when the doors opened; my answer was moment, then pulled away from him rather abruptly. After an awkward si- interrupted by admiration. lence, she said, "Do you intend to convince me of my imprudence in your I was astonished, regard?" He protested that the incident had been an accident and reassured delighted, I no longer know what became of me, her he would behave himself. In truth, however, having her in his arms had and I began in good faith made him think otherwise. to believe in magic. . . . In

• From The Art of Seduction (2001)

  delightful perfume. The king was extremely pleased. The beauty of one of fragrant with the scent of the girls far surpassed that of the other; her name was Hsi Shih. She looked their gowns. Pearl him in the eye without a hint of shyness; in fact she was confident and co- ornaments and kingfisher feathers adorned their hair. quettish, something he was not used to seeing in such a young girl. • Fu Chai, the king of Fu Chai called for festivities to commemorate the occasion. The halls Wu, looked into the lovely of the palace filled with revelers; inflamed with wine, Hsi Shih danced be- eyes of Hsi Shih fore the king. She sang, and her voice was beautiful. Reclining on a couch (495-472 B.C.) and forgot his people and his of white jade, she looked like a goddess. The king could not leave her side. state. Now she did not The next day he followed her everywhere. To his astonishment, she was turn away and blush as she witty, sharp, and knowledgeable, and could quote the classics better than he had done three years previously beside the little could. When he had to leave her to deal with royal affairs, his mind was full brook. She was complete of her image. Soon he brought her with him to his councils, asking her ad- mistress of the art of vice on important matters. She told him to listen less to his ministers; he seduction and she knew how to encourage the king was wiser than they were, his judgment superior. to look again. Fu Chai Hsi Shih's power grew daily. Yet she was not easy to please; if the king hardly noticed the second failed to grant some wish of hers, tears would fill her eyes, his heart would girl, whose quiet charms did not attract him. He melt, and he would yield. One day she begged him to build her a palace had eyes only for Hsi outside the capital. Of course, he obliged her. And when he visited the Shih, and before the palace, he was astounded at its magnificence, even though he had paid audience was over those at the bills: Hsi Shih had filled it with the most extravagant furnishings. The court realized that the girl would be a force to be grounds contained an artificial lake with marble bridges crossing over it. Fu reckoned with and that she Chai spent more and more time here, sitting by a pool and watching Hsi would be able to influence 311 312 • The Art of Seduction the king either for good Shih comb her hair, using the pool as a mirror. He would watch her play-or ill. . . . • Amidst the ing with her birds, in their jeweled cages, or simply walking through the revelers in the halls of Wu, palace, for she moved like a willow in the breeze. The months went by; he Hsi Shih wove her net

• From The Art of Seduction (2001)

  trouble idealizing you, they may also turn to another man or woman whose jealous man would do, and unfamiliarity seems exciting and poetic. Needing other people to divert finally presented me with them, they often satisfy this need through variety. Do not play into the six thousand drachmas. In hands of these bored royals by complaining, becoming self-pitying, or de- consideration of this sum, I was his for a period of manding privileges. That would only further their natural disenchantment eight months. His wife once the seduction is over. Instead, make them see that you are not the per- used to say that I had son they thought you were. Make it a delightful game to play new roles, to bewitched him with some powder. That bewitching surprise them, to be an endless source of entertainment. It is almost impos- powder, to be sure, was sible to resist a person who provides pleasure with no strings attached. jealousy. That is why, When they are with you, keep the spirit light and playful. Play up the parts Chrysis, I advise you to act likewise with Corgi as. of your character they find delightful, but never let them feel they know you too well. In the end you will control the dynamic, and a haughty king —LUCIAN, DIALOGUES OF THE COURTESANS, TRANSLATED BY or queen will become your abject slave. A . L . H . 3. When the great jazz composer Duke Ellington came to town, he and his " A wife is someone on band were always a big attraction, but especially so for the ladies of the area. whom one gazes all one's They came to hear his music, of course, but once there they were mesmer- life; yet it is just as well if ized by "the Duke" himself. Onstage, Ellington was relaxed and elegant, she be not beautiful'' — so spake Jinta of the Gion. and seemed to be having such a good time. His face was very handsome, I'll is may be the flippant and his bedroom eyes were infamous. (He slept very little, and his eyes had saying of a go-between, but permanent pouches under them.) After the performance, some woman it is not to be dismissed too lightly. . . . Besides, it is would inevitably invite him to her table, another would sneak into his with beautiful women as dressing room, yet another would approach him on his way out. Duke with beautiful views: if one made a point of being accessible, and when he kissed a woman's hand, his is forever looking at them, eyes and hers would meet for a moment. Sometimes she would signal an one soon tires of their charm. This I can judge interest in him, and his glance in return would say he was more than ready. from my own experience. Sometimes his eyes were the first to speak; few women could resist that One year I went to look, even the most happily married.

• From The Art of Seduction (2001)

  I called them my dear wives, my faithful companions, the two beings chosen to make me happy. I sought to turn their heads, and to rouse in them desires the strength of which I knew and which would drive away any reflections contrary to my plans. The skillful man who knows how to communicate gradually the heat of love to the senses of the most virtuous woman is quite certain of soon being absolute master of her mind and her person; you cannot reflect when you have lost your head; and, moreover, principles of wisdom, however deeply engraved they may be on the mind, are effaced in that moment when the heart yearns only for pleasure: pleasure alone then commands and is obeyed. The man who has had experience of conquests nearly always succeeds where he who is only timid and in love fails. . . . • When I had brought my two belles to the state of abandonment in which I The Rake • 21 fought a pistol duel over the duke, and one of them was seriously wounded. The Duchess d'Orléans, Richelieu's most bitter enemy, once wrote, "If I believed in sorcery I should think that the Duke possessed some supernatural secret, for I have never known a woman to oppose the very least resistance to him." In seduction there is often a dilemma: to seduce you need planning and cal- culation, but if your victim suspects that you have ulterior motives, she will grow defensive. Furthermore, if you seem to be in control, you will inspire fear instead of desire. The Ardent Rake solves this dilemma in the most art- ful manner. Of course he must calculate and plan—he has to find a way around the jealous husband, or whatever the obstacle is. It is exhausting work. But by nature, the Ardent Rake also has the advantage of an uncon- trollable libido. When he pursues a woman, he really is aglow with desire; the victim senses this and is inflamed, even despite herself. How can she imagine that he is a heartless seducer who will abandon her when he so ar- dently braves all dangers and obstacles to get to her? And even if she is aware of his rakish past, of his incorrigible amorality, it doesn't matter, be- cause she also sees his weakness. He cannot control himself; he actually is a slave to all women. As such he inspires no fear. The Ardent Rake teaches us a simple lesson: intense desire has a dis- tracting power on a woman, just as the Siren's physical presence does on a man. A woman is often defensive and can sense insincerity or calculation. But if she feels consumed by your attentions, and is confident you will do anything for her, she will notice nothing else about you, or will find a way to forgive your indiscretions. This is the perfect cover for a seducer.

• From The Art of Seduction (2001)

  Even then, when he was received into the abode of the dead, he kept looking at himself in the waters of the Styx. His sisters, the nymphs of the spring, mourned for him, and cut off their hair in tribute to their brother. The wood nymphs mourned him too, and Echo sang her refrain to their lament. • The pyre, the tossing 74 • The Art of Seduction Keys to the Character A ccording to the popular concept, Coquettes are consummate teases, experts at arousing desire through a provocative appearance or an al- luring attitude. But the real essence of Coquettes is in fact their ability to trap people emotionally, and to keep their victims in their clutches long af- ter that first titillation of desire. This is the skill that puts them in the ranks of the most effective seducers. Their success may seem somewhat odd, since they are essentially cold and distant creatures; should you ever get to know one well, you will sense his or her inner core of detachment and self- love. It may seem logical that once you become aware of this quality you will see through the Coquette's manipulations and lose interest, but more often we see the opposite. After years of Josephine's coquettish games, Napoleon was well aware of how manipulative she was. Yet this conqueror of kingdoms, this skeptic and cynic, could not leave her. To understand the peculiar power of the Coquette, you must first understand a critical property of love and desire: the more obviously you pursue a person, the more likely you are to chase them away. Too much at- tention can be interesting for a while, but it soon grows cloying and finally becomes claustrophobic and frightening. It signals weakness and neediness, an unseductive combination. How often we make this mistake, thinking our persistent presence will reassure. But Coquettes have an inherent un- derstanding of this particular dynamic. Masters of selective withdrawal, they hint at coldness, absenting themselves at times to keep their victim off balance, surprised, intrigued. Their withdrawals make them mysterious, and we build them up in our imaginations. (Familiarity, on the other hand, undermines what we have built.) A bout of distance engages the emotions further; instead of making us angry, it makes us insecure. Perhaps they don't really like us, perhaps we have lost their interest. Once our vanity is at stake, we succumb to the Coquette just to prove we are still desirable. Re- member: the essence of the Coquette lies not in the tease and temptation but in the subsequent step back, the emotional withdrawal. That is the key to enslaving desire. To adopt the power of the Coquette, you must understand one other quality: narcissism. Sigmund Freud characterized the "narcissistic woman" (most often obsessed with her appearance) as the type with the greatest ef- fect on men. As children, he explains, we pass through a narcissistic phase that is immensely pleasurable.

• From The Art of Seduction (2001)

  They laugh at her remarks, and as they laugh, others join the group, attracted by its gaiety. When she moves around, people follow. Her face is glowing with attention. There has to be a reason. In both cases, of course, there doesn't actually have to be a reason at all. The neglected man may have quite charming qualities, supposing you ever talk to him; but most likely you won't. Desirability is a social illu- sion. Its source is less what you say or do, or any kind of boasting or self- advertisement, than the sense that other people desire you. To turn your targets' interest into something deeper, into desire, you must make them see you as a person whom others cherish and covet. Desire is both imitative (we like what others like) and competitive (we want to take away from oth- ers what they have). As children, we wanted to monopolize the attention of a parent, to draw it away from other siblings. This sense of rivalry pervades human desire, repeating throughout our lives. Make people compete for your attention, make them see you as sought after by everyone else. The aura of desirability will envelop you. Your admirers can be friends or even suitors. Call it the harem effect. Pauline Bonaparte, sister of Napoleon, raised her value in men's eyes by al- ways having a group of worshipful men around her at balls and parties. If she went for a walk, it was never with one man, always with two or three. Perhaps these men were simply friends, or even just props and hangers-on; the sight of them was enough to suggest that she was prized and desired, a woman worth fighting over. Andy Warhol, too, surrounded himself with the most glamorous, interesting people he could find. To be part of his in- ner circle meant that you were desirable as well. By placing himself in the middle but keeping himself aloof from it all, he made everyone compete for his attention. He stirred people's desire to possess him by holding back. Practices like these not only stimulate competitive desires, they take aim at people's prime weakness: their vanity and self-esteem. We can endure feeling that another person has more talent, or more money, but the sense that a rival is more desirable than we are—that is unbearable. In the early eighteenth century, the Duke de Richelieu, a great rake, managed to se- duce a young woman who was rather religious but whose husband, a dolt, was often away. He then proceeded to seduce her upstairs neighbor, a young widow. When the two women discovered that he was going from one to the other in the same night, they confronted him.

• From The Art of Seduction (2001)

  I took the liberty of purchasing a box for all three of them." Once the choice was made, with a look of great disdain, he would take the unused tickets, roll them up, and use them to light his cigar. —MAUD DE BELLEROCHE, DU DANDY AU PLAY-BOY While Shahzaman sat at one of the windows overlooking the king's garden, he saw a door open in the palace, through which came twenty slave girls and twenty negroes. In their midst was his brother's [King Shahriyar's] queen, a woman of surpassing beauty. They made their way to the fountain, where they all undressed and sat on the grass. The king's wife then called out: "Come Mass'ood!" and there promptly came to her a black slave, who mounted her after smothering her with embraces and kisses. So also did the negroes with the slave girls, reveling together till the approach of night. ...•... And so Keep Them in Suspense—What Comes Next? • 245 find that he was embracing Caterina, dressed up in Mathilde's clothes. Mathilde had befriended Caterina and learned her story. Apparently taking pity on her, she had arranged it so that Caterina could leave the convent for the evening, and meet up with Casanova. Only a few months before Casanova had been in love with this girl, but he had forgotten about her. Compared to the ingenious Mathilde, Caterina was a simpering bore. He could not conceal his disappointment. He burned to see Mathilde. Casanova was angry at the trick Mathilde had played. But a few days later, when he saw her again, all was forgiven. As she had predicted during their first interview, her power over him was complete. He had become her slave, addicted to her whims, and to the dangerous pleasures she offered. Who knows what rash act he might have committed on her behalf had their affair not been cut short by circumstance. Interpretation. Casanova was almost always in control in his seductions. He was the one who led, taking his victim on a trip to an unknown desti- nation, luring her into his web. In all of his memoirs the story of Mathilde is the only seduction in which the tables are happily turned: he is the se- duced, the bewildered victim. What made Casanova Mathilde's slave was the same tactic he had used on countless girls: the irresistible lure of being led by another person, the thrill of being surprised, the power of mystery. Each time he left Mathilde his head was spinning with questions.