Anxiety

Passages

Every passage tagged with this emotion in the Vela corpus. Search the body text, narrow by source or register, click through to a book’s profile to see how the passage sits with the rest of the work.

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• From Born a Crime: Stories from a South African Childhood (2016)

  Abie was charming and hilarious and had an easy, gracious smile. He loved helping people, too, especially anyone in distress. If someone’s car broke down on the freeway, he pulled over to see what he could do. If someone yelled “Stop, thief!” he was the guy who gave chase. The old lady next door needed help moving boxes? He’s that guy. He liked to be liked by the world, which made his abuse even harder to deal with. Because if you think someone is a monster and the whole world says he’s a saint, you begin to think that you’re the bad person. It must be my fault this is happening is the only conclusion you can draw, because why are you the only one receiving his wrath? Abel was always cool with me. He wasn’t trying to be my dad, and my dad was still in my life, so I wasn’t looking for anyone to replace him. That’s mom’s cool friend is how I thought of him. He started coming out to stay with us in Eden Park. Some nights he’d want us to crash with him at his converted garage flat in Orange Grove, which we did. Then I burned down the white people’s house, and that was the end of that. From then on we lived together in Eden Park. One night my mom and I were at a prayer meeting and she took me aside. “Hey,” she said. “I want to tell you something. Abel and I are going to get married.” Instinctively, without even thinking, I said, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” I wasn’t upset or anything. I just had a sense about the guy, an intuition. I’d felt it even before the mulberry tree. That night hadn’t changed my feelings toward Abel; it had only shown me, in flesh and blood, what he was capable of. “I understand that it’s hard,” she said. “I understand that you don’t want a new dad.” “No,” I said. “It’s not that. I like Abel. I like him a lot. But you shouldn’t marry him.” I didn’t know the word “sinister” then, but if I had I probably would have used it. “There’s just something not right about him. I don’t trust him. I don’t think he’s a good person.” I’d always been fine with my mom dating this guy, but I’d never considered the possibility of him becoming a permanent addition to our family. I enjoyed being with Abel the same way I enjoyed playing with a tiger cub the first time I went to a tiger sanctuary: I liked it, I had fun with it, but I never thought about bringing it home. If there was any doubt about Abel, the truth was right there in front of us all along, in his name.

• From Saint Thomas Aquinas Collection (22 Books) (2016)

  Objection 5: Further, “That which is instituted for the sake of charity, does not militate against charity,” as Bernard observes (De Praecept. et Dispens. ii). Now confession, which was instituted for the sake of charity, would militate against charity, if a man were bound to confess to any particular priest: e.g. if the sinner know that his own priest is a heretic, or a man of evil influence, or weak and prone to the very sin that he wishes to confess to him, or reasonably suspected of breaking the seal of confession, or if the penitent has to confess a sin committed against his confessor. Therefore it seems that one need not always confess to one’s own priest. Objection 6: Further, men should not be straitened in matters necessary for salvation, lest they be hindered in the way of salvation. But it seems a great inconvenience to be bound of necessity to confess to one particular man, and many might be hindered from going to confession, through either fear, shame, or something else of the kind. Therefore, since confession is necessary for salvation, men should not be straitened, as apparently they would be, by having to confess to their own priest. On the contrary, stands a decree of Pope Innocent III in the Fourth Lateran Council (Can. 21), who appointed “all of either sex to confess once a year to their own priest.” Further, as a bishop is to his diocese, so is a priest to his parish. Now it is unlawful, according to canon law (Can. Nullus primas ix[4845], Q[2]; Can. Si quis episcoporum xvi[4846], Q[5]), for a bishop to exercise the episcopal office in another diocese. Therefore it is not lawful for one priest to hear the confession of another’s parishioner.

• From Saint Thomas Aquinas Collection (22 Books) (2016)

  AUGUSTINE. (Quæst. Ev. i. 22.) Or the fire pertains to anger, which aims upwards, water to the lusts of the flesh. ORIGEN. Of the changefulness of the sinner it is said, The fool changes as the moon. (Ecclus. 27:12.) We may see sometimes that an impulse towards good works comes over such, when, lo! again as by a sudden seizure of a spirit they are laid hold of by their passions, and fall from that good state in which they were supposed to stand. Perhaps his father stands for the Angel to whom was allotted the care of this lunatic, praying the Physician of souls, that He would set free his son, who could not be delivered from his suffering by the simple word of Christ’s disciples, because as a deaf person he cannot receive their instruction, and therefore he needs Christ’s word, that henceforth he may not act without reason. 17:19–2119. Then came the disciples to Jesus apart, and said, Why could not we cast him out? 20. And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you. 21. Howbeit this kind goeth not out but by prayer and fasting. CHRYSOSTOM. The disciples had received from the Lord the power over unclean spirits, and when they could not heal the dæmoniac thus brought to them, they seem to have had misgivings lest they had forfeited the grace once given to them; hence their question. And they ask it apart, not out of shame, but because of the unspeakable matter of which they were to ask. Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief. HILARY. The Apostles had believed, yet their faith was imperfect; while the Lord tarried in the mount, and they abode below with the multitude, then faith had become stagnant. CHRYSOSTOM. Whence it is plain that the disciples’ faith was grown weak, yet not all, for those pillars were there, Peter, and James, and John. JEROME. This is what the Lord says in another place, Whatsoever ye shall ask in my name believing, ye shall receive. (John 16:23.) Therefore when we receive not, it is not the weakness of Him that gives, but the fault of them that ask. Mat. 21:22.)

• From Best Erotic Romance

  He snorted. “I like prizes.” “Do you save the guests, or your kids?” “Maybe I save the adults, and they help me save my kids.” “But what if you head for the basement, and the fire spreads beyond control. You manage to get the adult guests out, but at what cost?” “Well, me and the guests line up by the kids’ windows and have them jump into our arms.” “Your kids are twenty-two and nineteen respectively, and owing to your big-boned wife tip the scales at 270 pounds each.” Dave howled a deep laugh that nearly shook Sarah’s eardrums loose. Amidst laughs he said. “Well, I’m pretty strong.” “Y’all ain’t that strong.” She conjured a convincing drawl. “Of course I’d save my kids.” “I knew it!” “Don’t be so smug.” Dave looked into the side mirror. “Goddamn. I hate that. Pardon my cursing.” “I heard worse. What’s wrong?” “Guy’s drafting.” “Drafting?” “Yeah, they get up real close and the draft from the trailer pulls them along. Makes me nervous as hell.” Sarah looked away. “Don’t tell me you do that.” She shrugged. “You know what happens if I gotta stop quick? I saw it happen to another trucker on the road to Stockton. Bigger car than yours, and it wasn’t just the driver of the car. She had her...” Dave bit his lip hard. “There was a kid.” He looked away and wiped each cheek with his thumb. “I—I’m sorry.” She patted his shoulder. “Just don’t draft, Sarah.” Sarah curled her legs toward him while he studied the mirror. “Okay.” He reached toward the shifter, and his fingers grazed Sarah’s bare knee. His hand jerked back. “Pardon.” “For what?” “Your leg. I mean, it’s a fine...it’s, uh, real smooth and all. But I didn’t mean to...aw hell.” That wonderful color lit up his full cheeks. He turned back to the mirror and upshifted until the car appeared from the void behind the truck and passed him. “It’s okay.” Sarah edged a little closer to him. Her knee pressed his hip. Dave squeezed the gearshift tightly. After a long silence, Sarah resumed, “I think we’re spending too much time worrying about other people’s gardens. Not tending to our own.” Dave sighed. “Yeah, I can see you draftin’ out there on the highway.” “Bet you think women should be seen, not heard.” “No, I just don’t see things the same.” “Really?” A hint of sarcasm. Dave studied the road closely. “You ask a man who’s been in hell if he’s happy to be in a garden with a few weeds, he’s libel to say a big ‘yes.’” “What hell have you been in, Dave?” “It’s just an observation. More repartee.” “It’s more than that.” Sarah rested her hand on the top of the seat just behind Dave’s shoulder. “You have a nice face.” Dave blushed deeply and looked away.

• From Best Erotic Romance

  All the reasons why I was crazy to consider it fell away as I ticked through them in my mind: He’s too young. He’ll be happy because I won’t have any expectations, I said to myself. Well, none beyond a really good time. I’m management and he’s a driver. Midnight had just ticked past, so not true anymore. We were both free agents. Both consenting adults. All he had to do was say yes. “You’ll never see him again,” I muttered under my breath as I rubbed my cold hands together. “If he turns you down, you won’t have to live with his smug smile.” I sucked in a deep fortifying breath, adjusted the neckline of the red Lycra top to show my breasts to their best advantage, and pushed through the glass door. His head turned at the sound, and then he straightened away from the counter and dropped his arms. “You cuttin’ my route, Angela?” I gave him a crooked smile. “Think I’d do that and ask you to wait for me here in the middle of the night?” His brows drew together, curiosity glinting in his gaze before it dropped to my boobs. I’d worn a bra that pretty much left everything sitting on a shelf. My nipples were outlined against the red, stretchy fabric of my top, the tips spiking because I’d given them a little tweak before I’d exited my car. His frown deepened. “What’s this all about, Angela?” I cleared my throat and tried for a sultry look. “I think you know.” He cocked his head and looked me up and down again. Slowly. “You don’t have to hijack a man’s keys to get his attention, sweetheart.” I planted my hands on my generous hips. “Apparently, I do, because you sure as shit haven’t followed through on any one of your invitations.” His lips twitched. “I thought you flirted like that with all the guys.” “You ever see me do it? Even once?” His jaw tightened. Fatigue showed in the shadows under his eyes. Stubble clung to his craggy cheeks. I felt a momentary twinge of guilt over the fact I was keeping him from his bed, but that was all I’d allow. He was young and hot as hell. If he needed sleep that damn bad, he could tell his latest squeeze to come around another time. Tonight, he was mine. “My keys weren’t in the lockbox. I know I left ’em there.” “You did indeed,” I said nodding. Then I looked him up and down, making sure he hadn’t mistaken my intent. “Fact is, I have an itch that needs scratchin’ and I’m hopin’ you’ll help me out.” I tried to exude more confidence than I felt, but I lost my nerve on the return trip up his hard body. I paused and swallowed hard, then gave a little cough to loosen the knot lodging at the back of my throat. When I reached his mouth, he was grinning. Shit.

• From Stone Butch Blues (1993)

  Stone Butch Blues We met that night in a working-class bar on the outskirts of Buffalo. It had been a long time since I'd been in a bar with lesbians. It was still early in the evening, so the place wasn’t packed yet. There were about twenty or thirty women in the front room. I figured they’d move into the backroom to dance soon. Was it my imagination or were a few of the young women butch, a few femme? Everybody looked at me, and then each other, when I walked in, but nobody stopped me. I peeked in the backroom, hoping that Edna wouldn’t be there with Jan. She was. They were sitting at a table with Frankie and Grant. Jan rose as I approached the table, “Jess!” I guessed she still didn’t know. Edna dropped her eyes as I formally kissed her cheek. Frankie and I hugged. Grant shook my hand. “Well, Pll be damned. Look who’s here!” She signaled the waitress. “What’s everybody drinking?” Grant asked. “Just a ginger ale for me,” I said. I wanted to be clear-headed, especially with Edna at the table. “You too good to have a drink with us anymore?” Grant challenged. “A whiskey,” Frankie interrupted. “Straight up, so to speak.” 308 = Leslie Feinberg “Two beers, here,’ Jan said. “Right, honey?” Edna stared at her lap and nodded. We all sat in the uncomfortable silence. Jan filled me in. “We’re talking about what happened to all the old butches and femmes.” “T think we’re sort of underground,” I said quietly. My heart was in the conversation Edna and I weren't having. “Waiting for a time when it’s safer to come out.” Grant sighed bitterly. “But some of these young kids you can’t even tell what they are—goddamn green hair and safety pins in their faces.” We all sighed collectively. “Grant,” I shrugged, “who cares?” “Tt just isn’t right,” Grant slapped the tabletop. I laughed, which made her angrier. “Grant, that’s what they said about us!” “Well, that’s different,’ Grant said with a wave of her hand. I leaned toward her. “There’s a lot of things I couldn’t accept when I was younger, Grant, like the fact that there’s lots of different ways for butches to be.” I watched her expression change. Frankie audibly sucked in her breath. “But now I’m trying to accept people as they are.” Jan tried to change the subject. She leaned over and stroked the arm of my leather jacket. “Nice,” she said. Edna shot me an alarmed look. I fingered the soft, worn leather of Rocco’s armor. “Thank you.” I closed the subject. Edna exhaled in relief. “T’m sure glad I didn’t do those hormones,” Grant announced. I bit down hard on the plastic bar straw in my mouth. “Why’s that, Grant?” I braced myself. “Well you’re sort of stuck now, aren’t your I mean you're not a butch or a guy. You look like a guy.

• From The Laws of Human Nature (2018)

  health of the project, and he had failed. Whereas before Eisner had only had the best things to say about their working relationship, now he often complained about his second-in-command and contemplated firing him. In the middle of this growing debacle, Eisner felt a new threat on the horizon—Jeffrey Katzenberg. He had once referred to Katzenberg as his golden retriever—so loyal and hardworking. It was Katzenberg who had overseen the string of early hits for the studio, including the biggest hit of all, Beauty and the Beast , the film that had initiated the renaissance of Disney’s animation department. But something about Katzenberg was making him increasingly nervous. Perhaps it was the memo that Katzenberg had written in 1990, in which he dissected the string of flops Disney had recently produced in live action. “Since 1984, we have slowly drifted away from our original vision of how to run a business,” he wrote. Katzenberg criticized the studio’s decision to go for bigger-budget films such as Dick Tracy , trying to make “event movies.” Disney had fallen for “the blockbuster mentality” and had lost its soul in the process. The memo made Eisner uncomfortable. Dick Tracy was Eisner’s own pet project. Was Katzenberg indirectly criticizing his boss? When he thought about it, it seemed like this was a clear imitation of his own infamous memo at Paramount, in which he had advocated for less expensive, high-concept films. Now it occurred to him that Katzenberg saw himself as the next Eisner. Maybe he was angling to take Eisner’s job, to subtly undermine his authority. This began to eat away at him. Why was Katzenberg now cutting him out of story meetings? The animation department soon became the primary generator of profits for the studio, with new hits such as Aladdin and now The Lion King , which had been Katzenberg’s baby—he had come up with the story idea and developed it from start to finish. Magazine articles now began to feature Katzenberg as if he were the creative genius behind Disney’s resurgence in the genre. What about Roy Disney, the vice chairman of animation? What about Eisner himself, who was in charge of everything? To Eisner, Katzenberg was now playing the media, building himself up. An executive had reported to Eisner that Katzenberg was going around saying, “I’m the Walt Disney of today.” Suspicion soon turned into hatred. Eisner could not stand to be around him. Then, in March of 1994, Frank Wells was killed in a helicopter accident while on a skiing trip. To reassure shareholders and Wall Street, Eisner soon announced that he would take over Wells’s position as president. But suddenly here was Katzenberg pestering him with phone calls and memos, reminding Eisner that he had promised him the president’s job if Wells ever left the company. How insensitive, so soon after the tragedy. He stopped returning Katzenberg’s phone calls. Finally, in August 1994, Eisner fired Jeffrey Katzenberg, shocking almost everyone in Hollywood. He had fired the most successful

• From The Laws of Human Nature (2018)

  and what happens to us. In relation to time, our active nature is neutralized, and although we do not consciously register this, our helplessness here is the source of much of our anxiety and bouts of depression. If we look more closely, however, at our personal experience of time, we can notice something peculiar—the passage of the hours or days can alter depending on our mood and circumstances. A child and an adult experience time very differently—for the former it moves rather slowly, and all too quickly for the latter. When we are bored, time feels empty and grinds to a crawl; when we are excited and enjoying ourselves, we wish it would slow down. When we are calm and meditative, the time might pass slowly, but it seems full and satisfying. What this means in general is that time is a human creation, a way for us to measure its passage for our own purposes, and our experience of this artificial creation is quite subjective and changeable. We have the power to consciously slow it down or speed it up. Our relationship to time is more malleable than we think. Although we cannot stop the aging process or defy the ultimate reality of death, we can alter the experience of them, transforming what is painful and depressing into something much different. We can make time feel more cyclical than linear; we can even step outside the stream and experience forms of timelessness. We do not have to remain locked in the hold of our generation and its perspective. Although this might seem like wishful thinking, we can point to various historical figures—Leonardo da Vinci and Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, to name two—who consciously transcended their era and described their transformed experience of time. It is an ideal, one that our active nature allows for, and one well worth aiming to realize to some degree. Here’s how we could apply this active approach to four elemental aspects of time. The phases of life: As we pass through the phases of life—youth, emerging adult, middle age, and old age—we notice certain common changes in us. In our youth we experience life more intensely. We are more emotional and vulnerable. Most of us tend to be outwardly focused, concerned with what people might think of us and with how we fit in. We are more gregarious but prone to foolish behavior and self-righteousness. As we get older, the intensity diminishes, our minds tend to tighten up around certain conventional ideas and beliefs. We slowly become less concerned with what people think of us, and thus more inwardly directed. What we sometimes gain in these later phases is some distance from life, some self-control, and perhaps the wisdom that comes from accumulating experiences. We have the power, however, to drop or mitigate the negative qualities that often go with certain phases of life, in a way defying the aging process itself. For instance, when we are young, we can make

• From The Laws of Human Nature (2018)

  It will make you more strategic, focused, and adaptive. Once you hear it and understand your purpose, there will be no going back. Your course has been set, and deviating from it will cause anxiety and pain. He who has a why to live can bear with almost any how. —Friedrich Nietzsche Keys to Human Nature In the world today, we humans face a particular predicament: As soon as our schooling ends, we suddenly find ourselves thrown into the work world, where people can be ruthless and the competition is fierce. Only a few years before, if we were lucky, our parents met many of our needs and were there to guide us; in some cases, they were overprotective. Now we find ourselves on our own, with little or no life experience to rely upon. We have to make decisions and choices that will affect our entire future. In the not-so-distant past, people’s career and life choices were somewhat limited. They would settle into the particular jobs or roles available to them and stay there for decades. Certain older figures— mentors, family members, religious leaders—could offer some direction if needed. But such stability and help is hard to find today, as the world changes ever more quickly. Everyone is caught up in the harsh struggle to make it; people have never been so preoccupied with their own needs and agendas. The advice of our parents might be totally antiquated in this new order. Facing this unprecedented state of affairs, we tend to react in one of two ways. Some of us, excited by all the changes, actually embrace this new order. We are young and full of energy. The smorgasbord of opportunities offered by the digital world dazzles us. We can experiment, try many different jobs, have many different relationships and adventures. Commitments to a single career or person feel like unnecessary restrictions on this freedom. Obeying orders and listening to authority figures is old-fashioned. Better to explore, have fun, and be open. A time will come when we will figure out what exactly to do with our lives. In the meantime, maintaining the freedom to do as we wish and go where we please becomes our main motivation. Some of us, however, react the opposite way: Frightened of the chaos, we quickly opt for a career that is practical and lucrative, hopefully related to some of our interests, but not necessarily. We settle on an intimate relationship. We may even continue to cling to our parents. What motivates us is to somehow establish the stability that is so hard to find in this world. Both paths, however, tend to lead to some problems further down the road.

• From The Laws of Human Nature (2018)

  will be able to shape your own values and ideas and not be such a product of the times. With your awareness of the overall zeitgeist, you will also understand the historical context. You will have a sense of where the world is headed. You can anticipate what is around the corner. With such knowledge, you can bring your own individual spirit into play and help shape this future that is gestating in the present. And feeling deeply connected to the unbroken chain of history, and your role in this grand historical drama, will infuse you with a calmness that will make everything in life more bearable. You do not overreact at the outrage of the day. You do not go gaga over the latest trend. You are aware of the pattern that will tend to swing things in a different direction within a period of time. If you feel out of harmony with the times, you know that the bad days will end and you can play your part in making the next wave happen. Keep in mind that this knowledge is more critical to posses now than ever, for two reasons. First, despite any antiglobal sentiments sweeping the world, technology and social media have unified us in inalterable ways. This means that people of one generation will often have more in common with those of the same generation in other cultures than with older generations in their own country. This unprecedented state of affairs means that the zeitgeist is more directly globalized than ever before, making knowledge of it that much more essential and powerful. And second, because of these sharp changes initiated by technological innovations, the pace has quickened, creating a self- fulfilling dynamic. Young people feel almost addicted to this pace and crave more shifts, even if of a trivial nature. With the quickening pace there are more crises, which only speeds up the process. This pace will tend to make you get dizzy and lose your perspective. You might imagine some trivial shift as groundbreaking and will thus ignore the real groundbreaking change under way. You will not be able to keep up, let alone anticipate what might come next. Only your generational awareness, your calm historical perspective, will allow you to master such times. Strategies for Exploiting the Spirit of the Times To make the most of the zeitgeist, you must begin with a simple premise: you are a product of the times as much as anyone; the generation you were born into has shaped your thoughts and values, whether you are aware of this or not. And so, if you feel from deep within some frustration with the way things are in the world or with the older generation, or if you sense there is something that is missing in the culture, you can be almost certain that other people of your generation are feeling the same way. And if you are the one to

• From The Laws of Human Nature (2018)

  And so the quest is endless and exhausting. And since the connection to their work is not personal, such people become alienated from themselves; the pursuit feels soulless; they are workaholics without a true calling. They may become depressed or manic, and they will often lose what they have gained if they become manic enough. We all know the effects of “hyperintention”: If we want and need desperately to sleep, we are less likely to fall asleep. If we absolutely must give the best talk possible at some conference, we become hyperanxious about the result, and the performance suffers. If we desperately need to find an intimate partner or make friends, we are more likely to push them away. If instead we relax and focus on other things, we are more likely to fall asleep or give a great talk or charm people. The most pleasurable things in life occur as a result of something not directly intended and expected. When we try to manufacture happy moments, they tend to disappoint us. The same goes for the dogged pursuit of money and success. Many of the most successful, famous, and wealthy individuals do not begin with an obsession with money and status. One prime example would be Steve Jobs, who amassed quite a fortune in his relatively short life. He actually cared very little for material possessions. His singular focus was on creating the best and most original designs, and when he did so, good fortune followed him. Concentrate on maintaining a high sense of purpose, and the success will flow to you naturally. Attention: People have always pursued fame and attention as a way to feel enlarged and more important. They become dependent on the number of people applauding, the size of the army they command, the crowd of courtiers that serve them. But this false sense of purpose has become greatly democratized and widespread through social media. Now almost any one of us can have the quantity of attention that past kings and conquerors could only dream about. Our self-image and self-esteem become tied to the attention we receive on a daily basis. In social media, this often requires becoming increasingly outrageous to capture eyeballs. It is an exhausting and alienating quest, as we become more of a clown than anything else. And each moment that the attention ebbs ever so slightly, a gnawing pain eats away at us: Are we losing it? Who is siphoning off the flow of attention that was ours?

• From Best Erotic Romance

  Keep in touch, and if there’s anything I can do, please let me know.” She paused. Kim could picture Maria’s blue eyes shining with sincerity, delicate features emanating concern. “As you may know, Drake’s not altogether certain about his job either at this point. Anyway, feel free to give me a call, Kim. Take care.” Kim sighed. She remembered the first time she’d met Maria, the wife of her husband’s colleague—former colleague now —Drake, several years ago at the company’s annual gala. “Oh my god—your husband looks exactly like Denzel Washington!” had been one of the first things Maria had ever said to her, after their husbands were whisked away for an informal conference immediately following their introduction. She’d giggled, hiccupping a bit as she turned wide eyes back to Kim. “I hope you don’t mind my saying that.” Kim had laughed. She’d liked Maria immediately, charmed by the bubbling spunk that seemed somewhat spurred by the glasses of white wine that occupied the petite woman’s hand most of the evening. She knew what Maria meant, of course, was that she hoped Kim didn’t mind that she had just spent the last several seconds ogling her husband. Kim didn’t mind, and she’d given Maria a wink as she answered, “I know.” Writing herself a note to call Maria, Kim stuck the Post-it near the phone and turned to unload the bags on the counter. It was Tuesday. The news had come a week ago the previous Friday, when Terry had gone to work as usual with no wisp of an idea that he would return home a few hours later without a job. The layoff was a surprise to individual employees, but it was not surprising in the face of the current economy. Kim hadn’t panicked—it wasn’t her style—but the effect it had on Terry was dramatic. She suspected it was more than concern about their financial well-being. Losing the job he had worked so hard at to make his way to second-tier management hurt something inside him. Something he had taken for granted, that external circumstances had allowed to be latent. If Kim was right, though, it wasn’t about anything external. She felt her stomach tighten as she put away the groceries. The financial implications, of course, would soon make themselves known. They would be okay for this month, and probably the next. After that was uncertain. Her own catering business, which she ran from home, had been affected by the economy as well. Though it had been fairly successful in its three-year life, it wasn’t enough to support them both. Kim pulled open the refrigerator door, her ebony ringlets swaying like silent wind chimes in the reflection of its gleaming surface.

• From Best Erotic Romance

  She shuddered as she contemplated the well-kicked-in door. Paradise it wasn’t, but she’d already decided she was going through with it. Her date had been very specific about the place she was to meet him, and she didn’t want to fuck this up. Time was too precious. Just the thought of seeing him was already making her heart race, and her body tighten in the most intimate of places. The door was pushed open and a blast of beer-laden air and the thump of a jukebox hit her in the face. Two guys walked past and gave her the once-over. One of them winked, but she was way too wound up to flirt. She clutched her black purse. Would he care about that? What exactly was he expecting her to do tonight? She should have learned never to make promises when she was drunk. Doubt clouded her bravado, and she almost turned back. Someone came up behind her and she found herself walking forward into the noisy crush of people enjoying their Saturday night. Immediately she looked around for him, but there were several guys wearing cowboy hats, and some of them even looked like the genuine article with scuffed boots, Wrangler jeans, and faces lined from staring into the sun. The floor was made of wide planks, and despite the sign, the décor was definitely more western than Caribbean. The jukebox started up, and Jodi had to move to one side to avoid the crush of people who wanted to join the line dancing. She looked down at her open-toe sandals and brand-new red pedicure and winced at the thought of a heavy boot stomping on her delicate toes. But he’d told her what he wanted her to wear, and she’d followed his instructions to the letter. Silky red tank top, short denim skirt, and thong underwear, also red and lacy, and currently damp with anticipation. She skirted the line dancers and headed toward the bar that was situated against the back wall. The six bar stools covered in cracked black leatherette were all occupied except the one nearest her. Jodi hesitated for a second, and the cowboy sitting closest swung around to stare at her. She almost swallowed her tongue as she recognized her date for the night. His sky-blue eyes were narrowed and focused on her; his smile was slow in coming and full of dark promise. “There’s a seat free here.” “Thanks.” Jodi hopped up onto the stool, hiking her skirt up to accommodate the stiffness of the denim. His gaze settled on her exposed thighs, and she suddenly found it difficult to breathe. Were they supposed to be strangers, then? Was this how he wanted to play it tonight? She gathered her courage. “Would you like a drink?” He considered her for a long moment. “You’re buying?” She shrugged and the thin strap of her top fell down her arm. “It’s the twenty-first century. We’re supposed to be equal now.”

• From The Laws of Human Nature (2018)

  courtiers struggle to get closer to the king, who controls everything. Hyperperfectionists will often have health problems, as they work themselves to the bone. They like to blame others for everything that goes wrong—nobody is working hard enough. They have patterns of initial success followed by burnout and spectacular failures. It is best to recognize the type before getting enmeshed on any level. They cannot be satisfied by anything you do and will chew you up slowly with their anxieties, abusiveness, and desire to control. The Relentless Rebel: At first glance such people can seem quite exciting. They hate authority and love the underdog. Almost all of us are secretly attracted to such an attitude; it appeals to the adolescent within us, the desire to snub our nose at the teacher. They don’t recognize rules or precedents. Following conventions is for those who are weak and stodgy. These types will often have a biting sense of humor, which they might turn on you, but that is part of their authenticity, their need to deflate everyone, or so you think. But if you happen to associate with this type more closely, you will see that it is something they cannot control; it is a compulsion to feel superior, not some higher moral quality. In their childhood a parent or father figure probably disappointed them. They came to mistrust and hate all those in power. In the end, they cannot accept any criticism from others because that reeks of authority. They cannot ever be told what to do. Everything must be on their terms. If you cross them in some way, you will be painted as the oppressor and be the brunt of their vicious humor. They gain attention with this rebel pose and soon become addicted to the attention. In the end it is all about power—no one shall be above them, and anyone who dares will pay the price. Look at their past history—they will tend to split with people on very bad terms, made worse by their insults. Do not be lured in by the hipness of their rebel pose. Such types are eternally locked in adolescence, and to try work with them will prove as productive as trying to lock horns with a sullen teenager. The Personalizer: These people seem so sensitive and thoughtful, a rare and nice quality. They might seem a little sad, but sensitive people can have it rough in life. You are often drawn in by this air of theirs, and want to help. Also, they can appear quite intelligent, considerate, and good to work with. What you come to realize later on is that their sensitivity really only goes in one direction—inward. They are prone to take everything that people say or do as personal. They tend to brood over things for days, long after you have forgotten some innocuous comment that they have taken personally. As children, they had a gnawing feeling that they never got enough

• From The Laws of Human Nature (2018)

  exaggerate them. They take action to preempt the perceived attack of another, or to grab for things in order to dominate a situation they feel may elude their control. (Such feelings also provoke the positive type of aggression as well. Feeling the need to fight an injustice or create something important is preceded by feelings of anxiety and insecurity. It remains an attempt at control for positive purposes.) When we look at any chronic aggressor around us, we must search for the underlying insecurity, the deep wound, the reverberating feelings of helplessness from their earliest years. We can notice the following interesting phenomenon: people who are domineering often are extremely intolerant of any kind of dissent. They need to be surrounded by sycophants and constantly be reminded of their greatness and superiority. If such types have political power, they work to tamp down any negative publicity and control what people say about them. We must see this hypersensitivity to criticism as a sign of great inner weakness. A person who is truly strong from within can endure criticism and open discussion without feeling personally threatened. Generally, aggressors and authoritarian types are expert at concealing this profound inner weakness by constantly projecting toughness and conviction. But we must train ourselves to look past their façade and see the inner fragility. This can greatly help us control any feelings of fear or intimidation, which aggressors love to stimulate. There are other qualities of the chronically aggressive that we must understand. First, aggressors have less tolerance for feelings of helplessness and anxiety than the rest of us. What might cause us to feel frustrated or insecure will often trigger in them a much more powerful reaction, and rage. This is perhaps why chronic aggression is much more common among men than women. Men find it harder to manage feelings of dependency and helplessness, something psychologists have noted in male infants. Men are generally more insecure about their status in the work world and elsewhere. They have a greater need to continually assert themselves and gauge their effect on others. Their self-esteem is tied to feelings of power, control, and respect for their opinions. And so it often takes less to trigger the aggressive response in men. In any event, we must always be aware that the chronic aggressor is more thin-skinned than we are, and if we know we are dealing with this type, we must be particularly careful to not inadvertently trigger their rage response by challenging their self-esteem or criticizing them. Another common aspect of aggressive behavior is that it can easily become an addiction. In acting out their desires in an overt and immediate way, in getting the best of people through their maneuvers, aggressors receive a jolt of adrenaline that can become addictive. They feel stimulated and excited, and the more socially acceptable ways of relieving boredom can seem tepid in comparison. (Certainly the thrill of getting easy money, whether as

• From The Laws of Human Nature (2018)

  The truth is that the muse, for both genders, lies within. Moving closer to your anima or animus will bring you closer to your unconscious, which contains untapped creative treasures. The fascination you feel in relation to the feminine or masculine in others you will now feel in relation to your work, to your own thought process, and to life in general. Just as with shamans, that inner wife or husband will become the source of uncanny powers. What is most beautiful in virile men is something feminine; what is most beautiful in feminine women is something masculine. —Susan Sontag U 13 Advance with a Sense of Purpose The Law of Aimlessness nlike animals, with their instincts to guide them past dangers, we humans have to rely upon our conscious decisions. We do the best we can when it comes to our career path and handling the inevitable setbacks in life. But in the back of our minds we can sense an overall lack of direction, as we are pulled this way and that way by our moods and by the opinions of others. How did we end up in this job, in this place? Such drifting can lead to dead ends. The way to avoid such a fate is to develop a sense of purpose, discovering our calling in life and using such knowledge to guide us in our decisions. We come to know ourselves more deeply—our tastes and inclinations. We trust ourselves, knowing which battles and detours to avoid. Even our moments of doubt, even our failures have a purpose—to toughen us up. With such energy and direction, our actions have unstoppable force. The Voice Growing up in a staunchly middle-class black neighborhood in Atlanta, Georgia, Martin Luther King Jr. (1929–1968) had a pleasant and carefree childhood. His father, Martin Sr., was the pastor of the large and thriving Ebenezer Baptist Church in Atlanta, so the Kings were relatively well off. His parents were loving and devoted to their children. Home life was stable and comfortable and included Grandmother King, who doted on young Martin Jr. He had a wide circle of friends. The few encounters he had with racism outside the neighborhood marred this idyllic childhood but left him relatively unscathed. Martin Jr., however, was exceptionally sensitive to the feelings of those around him. And as he got older, he sensed something from his father that began to trigger some inner tension and discomfort. His father was a strict disciplinarian who set solid boundaries of behavior for the three King children.

• From The History of Christianity II: From the Reformation to the Modern Megachurch (2017)

  18 The History of Christianity II õ However, the authorities in Rome did not see Luther as conservative. The pope excommunicated him in 1521, and he was condemned as an outlaw by the emperor of the Holy Roman Empire, Charles V. Luther had to stage his own kidnapping and go into hiding in order to escape. By 1526, despite his early inclination to reform Catholicism from within, Luther ended up organizing a new church. THE AUGSBURG CONFESSION õ Almost as soon as the 95 Theses became known, Luther’s allies were arguing among themselves about theology and authority. At this time, authority in Germany was already a rather confusing matter. There was no single king, but instead many princes, independent cities, and other sovereign territories. These, in theory, owed allegiance to the Holy Roman Emperor, but were often at odds with him. õ Luther had been writing all kinds of pamphlets to convince German princes that it was their solemn duty to defy the pope. Many of them also thought his doctrines gave them a nice new reason to defy the Catholic emperor too. But that doesn’t mean that they agreed on exactly what the new religion should look like. õ Emperor Charles V was increasingly nervous about all this turmoil. In 1530, he asked the Protestant leaders of Germany to gather for an imperial diet, a deliberative assembly, in the town of Augsburg to talk about their problems with Rome. He wanted to quash Protestantism, but he also just wanted everyone to settle down.

• From The Laws of Human Nature (2018)

  action and making your knowledge of them more conscious: Why do they exist? What do they say about the group? Gaining a deeper appreciation of the culture and codes will make it much easier to navigate the social space and maintain a degree of detachment. You will not try to change what cannot be changed. When it comes to the inevitable factions that emerge, it is better to keep yourself unaligned and let others fight over you. You do not need to belong to a faction to derive a narcissistic boost. What you want within the group is strategic options and room to maneuver, to have many allies and widen your power base. Your goal in this second task is to maintain as tight a grip on reality as possible. Groups tend to share beliefs and ways of looking at the world that are one-sided. They give greater weight to information that fits into their preconceived notions. They exaggerate qualities of rivals or enemies. They become overoptimistic about their plans. Taken far enough, the group can hold beliefs that are quite delusionary, and its actions can border on madness. Observing the group with a degree of distance will help you be aware of the distorting effect on your perception that can come from being so embedded within a group. Your strategies and decisions will be all the more effective for this. Just as groups tend to exert a downward pull on our emotions and behavior, we can also experience or imagine the opposite—a group that exerts an upward pull. We shall call this ideal the reality group. It consists of members who feel free to contribute their diverse opinions, whose minds are open, and whose focus is on getting work done and cooperating on a high level. By maintaining your individual spirit and your grip on reality, you will help create or enrich this ideal team of people. (For more on this, see “The Reality Group” on this page .) This ability to observe the group and detach ourselves is more critical now than ever for several reasons. In the past, people’s sense of belonging to certain groups was more stable and secure. To be a Baptist or a Catholic or a communist or a French citizen provided one with a strong sense of identity and pride. With the diminishing power of these large-scale belief systems, we have lost this inner security, and yet we retain the same profound human need to belong. So many of us are searching for groups to join, hungry for the approval of others who share our values. We are more permeable than ever. This makes us eager to become a member of the latest cult or political movement. It makes us highly susceptible to the influence of some unscrupulous populist leader who preys upon this need. Instead of forming large-scale groups, we now form tribes of diminishing size, to get a greater narcissistic boost. We view larger

• From The Laws of Human Nature (2018)

  alive to the moment. Try to see people as they interact with others besides you—people are often very different depending on the person they are involved with. Try to focus not on categories but on the feeling tone and mood that people evoke in you, which is continually shifting. As you get better at this, you will discover more and more cues that people give as to their psychology. You will notice more. Continually mix the visceral with the analytic. Seeing improvement in your skill level will excite you greatly and motivate you to go deeper. In general you will notice a smoother ride through life, as you avoid unnecessary conflicts and misunderstandings. The deepest principle of Human Nature is the craving to be appreciated. —Wil iam James Four Examples of Narcissistic Types 1. The Complete Control Narcissist. When most people first met Joseph Stalin (1879–1953) in the early part of his reign as premier of the Soviet Union, they found him surprisingly charming. Although older than most of his lieutenants, he encouraged them all to address him with the familiar “you” form in Russian. He made himself completely accessible even to junior officials. When he listened to you, it was with such intensity and interest, his eyes boring into you. He seemed to pick up your deepest thoughts and doubts. But his greatest trait was to make you feel important and part of the inner circle of revolutionaries. He would put his arm around you as he accompanied you out of his office, always ending the meeting on an intimate note. As one young man later wrote, people who saw him were “anxious to see him again,” because “he created a sense that there was now a bond that linked them forever.” Sometimes he would turn slightly aloof, and it would drive his courtiers crazy. Then the mood would pass, and they would bask again in his affection. Part of his charm lay in the fact that he epitomized the revolution. He was a man of the people, rough and a bit rude but someone an average Russian could identify with. And more than anything, Joseph Stalin could be quite entertaining. He loved to sing and to tell earthy jokes. With these qualities it was no wonder that he slowly amassed power and assumed complete control of the Soviet machinery. But as the years wore on and his power grew, another side to his character slowly leaked out. The apparent friendliness was not as simple as it had seemed. Perhaps the first significant sign of this among his inner circle was the fate of Sergey Kirov, a powerful member of the Politburo and, since the suicide of Stalin’s wife in 1932, his closest friend and confidant. Kirov was an enthusiastic, somewhat simple man who made friends easily and had a way of comforting Stalin. But Kirov was starting to become a little too popular. In 1934, several regional leaders approached him with an offer: they were tired of Stalin’s

• From Best Erotic Romance

  Dave howled a deep laugh that nearly shook Sarah’s eardrums loose. Amidst laughs he said. “Well, I’m pretty strong.” “Y’all ain’t that strong.” She conjured a convincing drawl. “Of course I’d save my kids.” “I knew it!” “Don’t be so smug.” Dave looked into the side mirror. “Goddamn. I hate that. Pardon my cursing.” “I heard worse. What’s wrong?” “Guy’s drafting.” “Drafting?” “Yeah, they get up real close and the draft from the trailer pulls them along. Makes me nervous as hell.” Sarah looked away. “Don’t tell me you do that.” She shrugged. “You know what happens if I gotta stop quick? I saw it happen to another trucker on the road to Stockton. Bigger car than yours, and it wasn’t just the driver of the car. She had her...” Dave bit his lip hard. “There was a kid.” He looked away and wiped each cheek with his thumb. “I—I’m sorry.” She patted his shoulder. “Just don’t draft, Sarah.” Sarah curled her legs toward him while he studied the mirror. “Okay.” He reached toward the shifter, and his fingers grazed Sarah’s bare knee. His hand jerked back. “Pardon.” “For what?” “Your leg. I mean, it’s a fine…it’s, uh, real smooth and all. But I didn’t mean to…aw hell.” That wonderful color lit up his full cheeks. He turned back to the mirror and upshifted until the car appeared from the void behind the truck and passed him. “It’s okay.” Sarah edged a little closer to him. Her knee pressed his hip. Dave squeezed the gearshift tightly. After a long silence, Sarah resumed, “I think we’re spending too much time worrying about other people’s gardens. Not tending to our own.” Dave sighed. “Yeah, I can see you draftin’ out there on the highway.” “Bet you think women should be seen, not heard.” “No, I just don’t see things the same.” “Really?” A hint of sarcasm. Dave studied the road closely. “You ask a man who’s been in hell if he’s happy to be in a garden with a few weeds, he’s libel to say a big ‘yes.’” “What hell have you been in, Dave?” “It’s just an observation. More repartee.” “It’s more than that.” Sarah rested her hand on the top of the seat just behind Dave’s shoulder. “You have a nice face.” Dave blushed deeply and looked away. Sarah grinned. “And you gave me a hard time for covering my smile. You’re a traditional man.” “You ’spose?” “Can’t you give a straight answer?” “You didn’t ask a question.” “No, I guess I didn’t.”