Trust

Passages

Every passage tagged with this emotion in the Vela corpus. Search the body text, narrow by source or register, click through to a book’s profile to see how the passage sits with the rest of the work.

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• From Worried about Everything Because I Pray about Nothing (2022)

  After David affirms his trust in God, he begins to offer up a heartfelt prayer for help. Do not be far from me, for trouble is near and there is no one to help. verse 11 He spends a solid eleven verses asking God for deliverance. This is the heart of the prayer in many ways, but it took him a while to get here. He had to let God deal with the convoluted emotions that were screaming for attention first. Again, it’s poetry, so you probably won’t be quite so eloquent when you’re praying. That’s fine. Prayer is talking to God about what you hope, need, expect, want, or dream about. Remember, just be honest. 4. Proclamation: affirming faith and trust in God By the time he’s done expressing his request to God, David seems like an entirely new man. Listen to his triumphant language: I will declare your name to my people; in the assembly I will praise you. You who fear the LORD, praise him! All you descendants of Jacob, honor him! Revere him, all you descendants of Israel! For he has not despised or scorned the suffering of the afflicted one; He has not hidden his face from him but has listened to his cry for help. verses 22–24 Not only is David now announcing to the world how awesome God is, he even declares that God has not ignored or abandoned him—the exact opposite of how he started this psalm. 5. Peace: settled, calm, and expectant David spends several more verses talking about God’s power, faithfulness, and love. By the end of the psalm, he is in a completely different headspace and heartspace than when he began. He is confident and full of faith, with peace in

• From Worried about Everything Because I Pray about Nothing (2022)

  Both David and Jesus expressed their pain honestly. They didn’t try to put on some spiritual mask, pretending things were okay. They cried out. They expressed their emotions. The best prayers are real prayers. They aren’t eloquent, but they are heartfelt. They aren’t polished, but they are transparent. They aren’t theological masterpieces, but they touch the heart of God. Dear God, like, really? Dear God, are you serious? Dear God, where in the world are you? Dear God, I’m done. I’m at the end of my rope. God isn’t scandalized by that level of honesty. He won’t get His feelings hurt over it. That is exactly how the psalmist prayed, time after time. God already knows our hearts, so why not be transparent with Him? We can tell Him that we feel alone, betrayed, abandoned, afraid, angry, disappointed, confused, or hurt. Maybe you’ve been told that is disrespectful, but God calls it honest. 2. Processing: struggling with the contradictions David doesn’t stay in that dark place, though. He processes his feelings by turning to God. He starts by saying this: Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One; you are the one Israel praises. In you our ancestors put their trust; they trusted and you delivered them. To you they cried out and were saved; in you they trusted and were not put to shame. verses 3–5 What is David doing? He is remembering God’s works in the past. He is reminding himself that God has always been faithful, and He won’t stop now.

• From Worried about Everything Because I Pray about Nothing (2022)

  If we think about it a little more, though, we realize we have complete security regarding the future. God’s promises are faithful and true forever. He doesn’t need to give us a year’s supply of bread today. (What would we do with that much bread, anyway? Open a bakery? Overfeed ducks in the park?) We can be confident that He will meet our needs: all of them, every day, for the rest of our lives. Daily prayer for those needs draws us closer to God in a way nothing else does. It reminds us of our ongoing need for Him, and it helps us see how He meets our needs over and over. What’s on your “I need” list today? If you’re like me, there are a lot. That’s okay. But there are usually one or two that are triggering the most anxiety, confusion, or fear. Start with those. Lean in to them. Share not just the needs, but your emotions when you think of those needs. Come before Him confidently. I love this encouragement from the author of Hebrews: “Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and may find grace to help us in our time of need” (4:16). Pray about everything, be anxious about nothing. Nowhere is that more needed than in regard to the things you need today. Practicing the Lord’s Prayer Give us today our daily bread. What is worrying me right now? What are my urgent physical or financial needs? What needs do I have in my family or friendships? Are there things I should be doing with regard to my needs, knowing that God is working on my behalf? “FORGIVE US OUR DEBTS”

• From Worried about Everything Because I Pray about Nothing (2022)

  I’m also not saying that prayer should replace other tangible actions and strategies. That kind of superficial, cheap dismissal is called spiritual bypassing, and it does a huge disservice to prayer. I have an entire chapter on that later on. Prayer does not undermine the importance of therapy, medicine, or other treatment. Quite the opposite. I have deep respect for therapists, psychologists, doctors, scientists, and other experts in their respective fields who are contributing to our understanding of these complex emotions. I believe that healing, like truth, is multi-faceted. That is, God often brings restoration through multiple sources of growth and understanding at the same time. Prayer and science are not mutually exclusive. They work together. Don’t stop doing whatever is working for you. Keep learning and growing. Find and use whatever tools you can to navigate what you’re facing. But in that search, don’t overlook prayer! You can always add more prayer to your life, and you might be surprised how much it helps. Prayer was never meant to be associated with stuffy church services or fancy religious language. It has always been a way for real people to talk with a real God about real issues. No matter who you are or what you’re facing, I believe growing in your prayer life will change you, just as it has changed me and so many others. Not because prayer is some magical activity in and of itself, but because prayer connects you to God. Prayer is the vehicle, not the destination. It’s the method, not the goal. God himself is the destination and the goal. Prayer just gets you closer to Him. The goal of this book, then, is to simplify prayer, not to complicate it. It’s to place it back where it belongs, which is wherever you and I are at. Prayer was meant for us, after all. It’s our God-given privilege, our gift, and our responsibility. I truly believe you are already a great person in God’s eyes. You have come far, you have done much, you have lived in faith and love. God wants to increase who you are, not change it. He wants to expand your heart and your capacity and your calling. He wants to add prayer to the incredible person you’ve become. You’re going to love where prayer takes you—no matter how unplanned or unexpected that might be.

• From Worried about Everything Because I Pray about Nothing (2022)

  our plans and our preferences, especially if we have a feeling that God’s way is going to be painful. This prayer is dangerous because it involves us consciously choosing to submit to God’s plan even though we can see already that we aren’t going to like it. At least not at first. This prayer is all about trust. All prayer is about trust, I suppose, but this one even more so. This is when we put our money where our mouth is. This is where we choose His path even though we can see already that He’s going a different direction than we would choose to go. That’s the essence of trust. Have you prayed this prayer? If not, are you ready to? It doesn’t require eloquence, experience, or knowledge. Just your heart. A willingness to submit your plans to His and to follow His path even if it looks painful. And there might be some pain. Pain is part of every journey. But doing things your way won’t avoid pain either. God’s way is something you will never regret in the end. Chances are, you’ve prayed a prayer of surrender already. The day you decided to become a Christian, you said something like,“Jesus, I need you. I invite you to be my Lord and my Savior.” You asked God to become the Lord—the boss, the head, the owner—of your life. When we surrendered our lives to God, He didn’t take control like a pilot operating a drone. We still retain our free will. God created us in His image, and part of that image is the ability to make choices. But we did surrender. We turned ownership of our lives over to God. We became His. Surrender, however, isn’t a one-time thing. When we prayed that first prayer, we probably didn’t understand all the ramifications of it. There were parts of our world we weren’t ready to give to God, even if we didn’t realize it. God did, though. He accepted us anyway. And then, He got to work. From that first prayer until now (and from now until the day we meet Him again in heaven), God is engaging in the art of gentle persuasion, revealing to us the

• From The Confessions of Saint Augustine (354)

  Hearken, O God, Thou best judge; Truth Itself, hearken to what I shall say to this gainsayer, hearken, for before Thee do I speak, and before my brethren, who employ Thy law lawfully, to the end of charity: hearken and behold, if it please Thee, what I shall say to him. For this brotherly and peaceful word do I return unto Him: “If we both see that to be true that Thou sayest, and both see that to be true that I say, where, I pray Thee, do we see it? Neither I in thee, nor thou in me; but both in the unchangeable Truth itself, which is above our souls.” Seeing then we strive not about the very light of the Lord God, why strive we about the thoughts of our neighbour which we cannot so see, as the unchangeable Truth is seen: for that, if Moses himself had appeared to us and said, “This I meant”; neither so should we see it, but should believe it. Let us not then be puffed up for one against another, above that which is written: let us love the Lord our God with all our heart, with all our soul, and with all our mind: and our neighbour as ourself. With a view to which two precepts of charity, unless we believe that Moses meant, whatsoever in those books he did mean, we shall make God a liar, imagining otherwise of our fellow servant’s mind, than he hath taught us. Behold now, how foolish it is, in such abundance of most true meanings, as may be extracted out of those words, rashly to affirm, which of them Moses principally meant; and with pernicious contentions to offend charity itself, for whose sake he spake every thing, whose words we go about to expound.

• From Real Sex for Real Women (2008)

  First-timersIf you have never tried anal sex before, start small and low-key. Lie on your side and draw up your legs to make yourself comfortable. Have your partner lie face to face so that he can watch your reactions. It is a good idea if he starts by massaging your labia and clitoris to get you fully aroused and wet. He can then reach over your thighs and massage your perineum and the sensitive area around your anus. Then he can insert a finger or two to get you used to the sensation. You might find that you dislike it, but if you enjoy having your anus penetrated, don’t be afraid to keep exploring this new style of sex. Use anal finger-play during conventional intercourse to heighten its excitement for both of you. While penetrating your vagina, your lover can use his fingers to stimulate around and inside your anus. This will give you a very intense orgasm, as all your genital hot spots are brought into play. [image file=image_rsrc3CV.jpg] Man from behindOne of the best positions for anal sex is a man-from-behind—or spooning—position. To achieve this, ask him to go slowly and set up a signal between you before you start, so you can tell him to slow down or stop. Lubrication is a must because the anus is not self-lubricating. A good way to get started is for your man to perform oral sex. When you are aroused and wet, apply lube generously. At first your man should penetrate your anus with just the head of his penis. He needs to take his time, and you will need to relax and let him in—trusting him is important. He can then move in and out of your anus slowly and smoothly, until he reaches a depth and pace that you find comfortable and exciting. One note of caution: never engage in anal sex followed by vaginal sex since this transfers bacteria, which are likely to cause infection. This holds true for manual or toy play in this region, too. [image file=image_rsrc3CW.jpg] Outside the BedroomSometimes all you need to spice up your lovemaking is to vary where you do it. Having sex on a bed is comfortable, warm, and conventional. Sex on your dining room table, in the bathtub, or on the kitchen counter is testing, exciting, and thrilling. You can’t just lie back and relax. You have to rethink your position, rhythm, and movement. Having sex outside—or any place where you might get caught—will get your adrenalin running high. You don’t have to invite the neighbors over, just add in the possibility of being seen to make your session feel secretly sexy. Make love on the deck under the stars, or entice your man into the bath with you. Be a little daring—after all, sex is meant to take your breath away.

• From Worried about Everything Because I Pray about Nothing (2022)

  God’s will and our prayers are intricately and inseparably connected. It’s the whole chicken-and-egg dynamic: Who can tell where God’s work stops and ours starts, or where ours ends and His begins? Did my prayers move God to replace those death-wish Uber rides with a brand- new car? Or did God move my heart to pray for what He already planned to give me? Yes. That’s all I can say because that’s all I know. And I’m okay with that. We pray and God acts. He leads and we follow. We ask and He gives. He loves us and we love Him back. There is power in that partnership that goes far beyond what we’ve realized. And that is the beautiful thing about prayer. It always invites us into more of God. We’ve spent the last few chapters exploring some of the many ways prayer benefits us. There are more, I’m sure. And we’ve barely scratched the surface on the ones we have covered. It’s enough to get started, though. After all, prayer is one of those things you will only fully understand once you start doing it. It’s kind of like wakeboarding. I could tell you how wakeboarding feels. I could try to explain the physics behind it. I could even show you videos of someone doing it. But you still won’t really know what wakeboarding is. You have to do it. You have to actually feel the sudden rush of water propel your board and your body out of the water and onto the surface. You have to discover the freedom of skipping across the waves under a power that is not your own. You have to get a feel for the way your shifting weight moves you across the wake, into the air, and back down. There is only one way to learn to wakeboard, and there is only one way to learn to pray: You have to do it. As you do, you’ll experience for yourself the myriad results of prayer. Pray your way to peace. Pray your way to purpose. Pray your way to premise. Pray your way to perspective. Pray your way to presence. Pray your way to process. Pray your way to perfection. Pray your way to power.

• From Worried about Everything Because I Pray about Nothing (2022)

  We looked at this in detail in the last chapter. You need to see yourself as God sees you. Period. No more, no less. That is the path to both true humility and healthy self-esteem. As you pray, let God shift the way you think about yourself. Believe His affirmations of who you are. Then align the way you talk about yourself, and present yourself with that image 2. Pain Too often we are in such a hurry to fix pain that we either suppress it or offer it cheap solutions, much like Job’s friends. Prayer does neither of those. Prayer doesn’t dismiss pain. It embraces it. Validates it. Sits with it. It creates a safe space to process what we are feeling, and it connects us to the one who can truly make a difference in our circumstances. It gives us permission to express our feelings while also affirming that this too shall pass. Prayer might not eliminate pain, but it reminds us that God is with us. Because of that reality, we can walk through the valley of the shadow of death and fear no evil (see Psalm 23). 3. Sin Sin is anything that contradicts God’s will and design for us. We tend to either fixate on it and make escaping sin the focus of our Christian walk, or we minimize it so that we don’t have to address some area of our lives. Both extremes are wrong, of course. Following Jesus is about freedom and life and grace and love—not about “not sinning.” Not sinning is a byproduct of following Jesus; it’s not the point. On the other hand, prayer keeps you honest. When you are in God’s presence, hidden motivations are revealed. Dark corners are illuminated. Inner demons are exposed and evicted. The result is a clean heart and a healthy hatred of sin.

• From Worried about Everything Because I Pray about Nothing (2022)

  It might be overstating it to call these prayers a waste of time because God is gracious and kind and good, and He helps us even when we think we are carrying the load ourselves. But when we pray boomerang prayers, we are missing out on some of the most important benefits of prayer, particularly the peace and perspective that prayer should bring. There are times to think about and work toward solving problems, and there are times to recognize that only God can take those things from here. I’m sure you’ve read the Serenity Prayer, a short prayer that has been widely used in recovery programs (and printed on bookmarks and refrigerator magnets) for decades. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. (Side note: The prayer is usually attributed to theologian Reinhold Niebuhr, although for years a heated and very public debate raged between Niebuhr’s daughter, Elisabeth Sifton, and a Yale Law School researcher named Fred Shapiro regarding who actually wrote it. 5 I think that’s ironic considering the prayer is about serenity. But anyway—it’s a great prayer.) Casting our cares upon God means knowing when to let go, when to trust that the matter is safe in God’s hands, and that you have done your best. You can work and trust at the same time, of course. But you can’t worry and trust at the same time. Often we are called to continue working toward a solution or doing what we can to make progress, but we are not meant to anguish over the process as if we were alone. Prayer accomplishes the unique task of giving our worries to God while also discerning what part we continue to play. When we pray, we find peace, but we also receive renewed courage and wisdom to press on. Cast your worries upon the Lord and leave them there. They are safe with Him. 7. OPPRESSOR PRAYERS

• From Worried about Everything Because I Pray about Nothing (2022)

  noise and movement and stress and adrenaline, I want to be able to tune it all out when necessary, and just be with Jesus. I want to be able to pick His voice out from the cacophony around me. So how do you know whether what you are hearing is from God? Here are a few suggestions. 1. God’s voice agrees with His Word. God never contradicts His written Word, the Bible. What we think we are hearing Him say—in our hearts, through circumstances, from advice we receive, or any other way—is always subjective. That is, there’s an element of doubt in it because we are fallible humans. It might be true. But it might be false. Or, as is often the case, it might be a mixture of the two. The Bible, on the other hand, is completely accurate. We don’t have to worry about whether it’s right or wrong. It might be a challenge to understand or to obey at times, but it’s trustworthy. That means we can and must compare what we think we hear with His Word. If it matches, then we have greater confidence that we are hearing correctly. If it doesn’t, then we need to let it go. It doesn’t matter how many people, signs, dreams, or voices tell you that you can cheat on your taxes, cheat on your spouse, or slash your cranky neighbor’s tires —that’s not God. He won’t lead you to do something that contradicts His will and His character revealed in the Bible. 2. God’s voice brings peace. Sometimes that’s an immediate peace: a stillness, calmness, sense of well-being. Other times it pushes us toward something difficult—such as apologizing to a person we’ve hurt—that brings peace once we’ve obeyed.

• From Real Sex for Real Women (2008)

  For his pleasureIf you are a manual-pleasure virgin, it helps to have a variety of strokes to offer. Try the three explained here and go with the one you are most comfortable with – and the one that makes him bounce off the walls. And don’t get too hung up on technique: a steady rhythm, a confident grip, and plenty of lube will pretty much guarantee his pleasure. Tried-and-tested This classic technique is loved by most men. Take one hand and place it at the base of his penis. Slowly bring your hand up the shaft, with your thumb massaging one side of it as you go. When you reach the top, immediately take your other hand and begin massaging up the shaft. Repeat until, well, you know when. Twirling Take your hand up, down, and around the expanse of your lover’s penis. Rub slowly up and down as you would normally, but then occasionally add in the twirl – this is when you twirl your hand on top of the head (glans) of the penis. Take care not to do this too hard – imagine you are gently opening a doorknob. As you twirl, let your fingers glide across his frenulum. All-hands-on-deck Wrap both your hands around your man’s penis as though you are holding on to a gear lever. Lock your fingers together and keep your grip comfortable, but not too loose. With one hand twisting to the right gently, twist the other to the left. Move both hands slightly up and down as you twirl and massage them around the penis. Your lover will feel as though every centimetre of his penis is being indulged. Continue your manual stimulation and further his pleasure by descending a little to the anal region. With your index finger, gently massage his perineum while continuing to massage his testicles with the rest of your hand. [image file=image_rsrc3BH.jpg] Oral SexOral sex is an intimate act of trust and love between a couple. It is deeply arousing for the receiver and involves all the senses of the giver, who kisses, licks, sucks, and caresses the other to orgasmic bliss. Oral sex has always played an important role in our sexuality, and many different historical and spiritual texts tell us this. The male and female secretions are traditionally believed to have life-giving properties and the fact that orgasms are good for us means that oral is good for our total health. The benefits of oralGetting close to your lover’s genitals brings you very close to his sexuality, which is a highly sensual, deeply arousing experience for both of you. It builds on the benefits of manual techniques in that it allows you to use very targeted pressure and movements, but gives you even more intimate contact with each other.

• From Worried about Everything Because I Pray about Nothing (2022)

  You might be thinking, You said God wouldn’t hear us just because we use a lot of words. Now you’re saying we should keep on praying as long as it takes. That’s inconsistent! There is a big difference between trying to be heard because of our “many words,” as Jesus said, and praying without giving up. The first treats God like a vending machine: If you put in enough prayer coins, an answer drops out of some heavenly chute. It’s a transactional approach that treats prayer like a price or a debt that we have to fulfill before we can get what we want. But as we saw earlier, prayer is relational, not transactional. We don’t pray until we’ve paid a debt or earned our answer. We pray because we know God loves us and is listening. Notice how Jesus connected answered prayer to God’s goodness, not our efforts, in Matthew 7:7–11: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! The difference between incessant babbling and persevering prayer is—as in almost every area of prayer—our heart attitude. The former tries to manipulate God into doing what we want by piling fancy phrases higher and higher like a game of spiritual Jenga. The latter patiently trusts God to do what is right and best, confident in His character and unworried by delay. Most of us know the name of Apple’s founder and iconic CEO, Steve Jobs. His partner, Steve Wozniak, is nearly as well known. Both made billions of dollars from the success of Apple. There was a third founder, though, who is nearly always forgotten. When Apple was incorporated on April 2, 1976, an engineer named Ron Wayne owned a 10 percent stake in the company. A mere twelve days later, partly because he felt out of his league next to the two Steves, Ron sold his shares back for eight hundred dollars. Today, those shares would be worth billions.

• From Worried about Everything Because I Pray about Nothing (2022)

  He is the focus of my hope. He is the only one big enough to truly take care of me and my loved ones. No matter how bizarre or nerve-wracking life gets, God doesn’t change. And since I know Him, I know peace. If you’ve looked at prayer as mostly about begging God for what you want or need, it’s time to change your focus. Don’t just seek answers. Seek peace. And don’t just seek any peace. Seek the peace that exceeds understanding, the peace that comes from the God of peace himself. So yes, go on roller coasters, if that’s your thing. And if you have kids, play hide-and-seek with them and teach them the fine art of scaring each other half to death. But don’t lose your peace. Don’t let the cares and worries of an uncertain world overwhelm the calm assurance that God is with you. You have a Father in heaven who knows you, cares about you, and watches over you. He alone can bring rest to your soul, and that rest is always available through prayer. Don’t worry yourself to death. Pray yourself to peace. THREE Pour your own cerealPrayer and purpose I have a lot of kids. Four, last time I counted, but it feels like more than that. They currently range in age from three to ten, so as you can imagine, they keep my wife, Julia, and me busy. One thing I’ve noticed about kids is that they have elevated complaining to an art form. Adults complain too, of course, but kids are less subtle about it. It’s good that they are insistent and loud, though. Otherwise they might never be heard. After all, their mouths are only three feet off the ground, so shouting toward the sky is the key to getting the adults around them to grant their requests. From a very young age—as in, from the moment they draw their first breath—they learn how to use their lungs, and eventually their words, to get what they want. Some people treat prayer like that. They seem to think that if they shout up at the sky, if they whine and wail loudly enough and long enough, God will finally pay attention to them and grant their requests. There are two problems with that mentality. First, unlike human parents, God has an unlimited capacity to pay attention to us and care for us. He is the ultimate multitasker. He doesn’t get tired like we do. He doesn’t lose His temper like we do. He doesn’t think back longingly to days when He didn’t have kids, when He could sleep in late, watch movies that were (gasp) not animated, and go out without finding a babysitter. . . . But I digress. Parenting is awesome. I remind myself of that often.

• From Worried about Everything Because I Pray about Nothing (2022)

  Seek confirmation in Scripture that what you are hearing is correct. Over time, you will learn to recognize the voice better and better. Sometimes the Holy Spirit speaks through others in the form of prophecy, which refers to sharing a specific message from God for a person or situation. Prophecy is one of the gifts of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 14:1). When it comes to prophecy, listen with an open heart and a cautious mind. Judge what you hear against Scripture, what you sense in your heart, and what wise counsel says. Hearing the voice of the Spirit is subjective, as we’ve already discussed, but it’s also very real. Don’t stress out about it. Just listen. Develop your spiritual senses to hear His voice. If it’s God, He’ll make it clear. 3. Wise counsel God often uses people who have more experience, training, or insight than us to confirm His will and direction. This might include parents, pastors, mentors, therapists, bosses, teachers, counselors, friends, and more. Wisdom, according to Proverbs, isn’t having all the answers, but rather being willing to ask for advice. To listen. To learn. To invite contradictory opinions and multiple points of view. “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed” (Proverbs 15:22). Other people are no more infallible than you or I, but they do have a valuable point of view. They might confirm what we have already thought. They might point out a blind spot. They might see dangers we don’t see. They might have learned something the hard way, and we might as well learn from their pain rather than re-creating it for ourselves. A word of caution here: Don’t let others influence you too much . The idea of “counsel” has often been abused, both in the church and outside it. You don’t need someone else to interpret God for you or to stand between you and God. Much damage has been done by people who claim to represent God and demand submission and obedience from everyone. Please don’t blindly follow anyone, even if they claim to speak for God, and even if they seem to have a lot of success, knowledge, or influence. That is not the kind of counsel I am talking about. Counsel is not about control, but about servanthood. It’s not about dominating, but about releasing. It’s not about demeaning or condescending, but about empowering. Ignore the narcissists, the control freaks, the abusive “leaders,” and anyone who would silence your voice. You don’t need them. Look for voices of counsel that serve you, release you, and empower you. You do need counselors—you just need the right ones. Listen to people who truly love you. People who don’t have anything to gain from flattery. People with maturity, wisdom, and humility. There is no shame in asking for help.

• From Worried about Everything Because I Pray about Nothing (2022)

  Have you ever asked yourself where the idea of beauty came from? Not the recognition that something is beautiful, but the concept itself. It came from God. He is beautiful, and He gave us the ability to appreciate and love beauty. He paints daily masterpieces in the sky every morning and every night, and we get to enjoy them. Psalm 19:1 says, “The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.” Romans 1:20 says, “For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.” Nature has a voice. It testifies to God’s existence, power, and faithfulness. It reminds us that no matter what is happening in our crazy day-to-day world, the universe remains. God remains. He is greater than all the things that are worrying us. No matter what, He won’t change, and He won’t forsake us. If you need to hear from God, try getting closer to His creation. Go camping in the mountains. Take a day trip to the beach. Go for a hike. Do it alone, or with someone who has the gift of shutting up when it’s appropriate. Find a place with a good view, and just sit. Contemplate. Be still. God created everything you see: from the vast expanse of the sky above to the intricacies of the plants at your feet. You’re in safe hands. NOW WHAT? When you do hear from God, respond. Listening is not passive, but active. We hear and obey. We listen and respond. If He tells you He loves you and you are precious to Him, believe it. If He nudges you to make a change in some area, ask for His help and then do it. If He challenges you to take a risk, obey in faith. You can’t expect God to continue speaking to you if you’re ignoring the things He’s already said. Healthy relationships don’t work that way. You won’t always get it right—the listening or the obeying. None of us does. But if your heart is to hear and obey God, He will honor that. That’s the essence of prayer, after all: our hearts drawing closer to God’s heart. Hearing from God is a learning process. It’s a life-long journey. And it’s a wonderful one, full of surprises and treasures and hidden delight. Get to know God. Listen. He is speaking.

• From Real Sex for Real Women (2008)

  Embrace the unknownMany men have fantasies about one-night stands. The notion of having racy, uninhibited sex with a stranger—no strings attached and no real names exchanged—is highly erotic. Why? Because since the sex is anonymous and they know that they will never see the woman again, there are no inhibitions when it comes to trying new things or asking for what they want—sex becomes animalistic and purely pleasure-based. [image file=image_rsrc3DE.jpg] Sharing FantasiesOne of the healthiest ways you can add novelty and sexual excitement to your love life is by honestly sharing your fantasies with your partner. Even if you already enjoy a rich and satisfying sex life, you will extend your knowledge and intimacy of each other when you share your best-kept secrets. It might feel disloyal to each other to fantasize about sexual scenarios, but sharing them with your partner will enhance trust and reinforce the strong bond between you. Safety zoneSharing your fantasies can be daunting. In order to assuage any worries you have, agree to make your fantasy zone a safe place where you can share your sexual dreams without judgment. Arrangements like this help build the trust and respect you already share in your life together. Inside the fantasy zoneThat said, advise him beforehand that any secret fantasies he might have about your best friend, sister, or mother are best kept under wraps—as are your fantasies about his best friend or brother. Being attracted to attractive people is inevitable, but keep away from fantasies in which feelings might be bruised. It might be tempting to explore his fantasies about the people close to you, but it never ends well. Avoid mentioning names—he doesn’t need to know which movie stars you desire—and just share the events of the fantasy, such as sex in public, on the beach, or on his desk. Making your fantasies realBe honest about your feelings. If being spanked, or spanking him, is never going to be an option, say so. If he refuses to don a superhero costume, accept his decision. However, if your partner suggests a fantasy that you would be willing to accommodate, set the rules for fantasy play. For example, maybe you don’t want to engage in a threesome, but you would be happy to dress up as a different woman for the night. Enacting fantasies can enrich many areas of your life. It is both thrilling and erotic to see your imagination take charge in the bedroom. Fantasy boxShare your fantasies by writing them onto slips of paper and putting them in a fantasy box. Select a slip of paper and have fun acting it out. Experiment, too, with the ideas given here: “silver-screen stars” inspire home-movie-style fantasies, while “strangers in the night” and “teacher’s pet” bring to life common fantasies you may already entertain.

• From Worried about Everything Because I Pray about Nothing (2022)

  I don’t have it all figured out. I think the interplay between God’s sovereignty and our humanity will always have an element of mystery to it. I do know, though, that when we pray, we partner with God. We participate in His sovereign rule. I think that’s part of what Jesus meant when He told us to pray, “Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven” (Matthew 6:10). Our prayers and our efforts are aligned with His will, and together we are bringing heaven to earth. Toward the end of His life on earth, Jesus told His disciples this: You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. This is my command: Love each other. John 15:14–17 Notice the key words here: friends, fruit, ask, love . First, Jesus was saying that they were all friends. The disciples weren’t just servants, they were friends. There was trust and open communication between them. This same relationship continues with us today. We are friends of God. Second, this friendship was going to result in teamwork. “Fruit” refers to work. The disciples (again, that includes us) would bear fruit. What we do is in Jesus’ name and in alignment with God’s will, and it will have positive results. Third, prayer was going to be a key element of this relationship. Jesus refers to “whatever [they] ask,” which implies they were going to be doing a great deal of asking, talking, listening, and learning in prayer. Fourth, they would love one another. Earlier He had said they would also remain in His love (verse 9). We are connected to God and each other through love, teamwork, and open communication. What does this mean for us? It means that our prayers help bring to pass God’s will on the earth. In a very real sense, when we pray, we are working together with God. Yes, in His sovereignty He knows what we are going to pray. But He still invites us to participate. Crazy as it seems, He takes our prayers into account, and He chooses to let them influence Him. That’s what friends do, after all. They dream together, they love each other, and they share a common purpose. Our role as partners or participants in God’s work is not based on our own merit, of course. That’s why Jesus was insistent earlier in John 15 that we abide in Him just as He abides in God (verses 1–10). That means abiding in both His love and His commands.

• From Love 2.0: Finding Happiness and Health in Moments of Connection (2013)

  At times that expanded outlook is hardly noticeable at all, whereas at other times it can take you by surprise, like a powerful gust of wind that clears away debris and allows you to see things with fresh eyes. The point I wish to make here is that your experiences of love and connection need not overwhelm you to open your perceptual gates. Scientific evidence now documents that far less intense positive emotional experiences reliably open those same doors and raise spirituality. By regularly engaging in the kinds of formal and informal practices I offer throughout part II of this book, you can learn to infuse your day and your life with more of the expanded and spiritual modes of consciousness of which James, Armstrong, Huxley, and countless others write. Toward this end, consider the spiritual lessons from Buddhism. In his acclaimed 1995 book, Living Buddha, Living Christ , Vietnamese monk Thich Nhat Hanh wrote that he resonated with how a Catholic priest once described to him the Holy Spirit as “energy sent by God.” Nhat Hanh shared that this phrasing both pleased him and deepened his conviction that the most reliable way to approach the Christian Trinity was through the doorway of the Holy Spirit. Integrating this with his Buddhist perspective, he likened the Holy Spirit to mindfulness and its fruits: understanding, love, and compassion. When you purposely tune in to the present moment, this view holds, and see and listen deeply in an open, accepting manner, you open a door to divine oneness. As does Armstrong, then, Nhat Hanh sees both Christian and Buddhist spirituality in the doing. From this vantage point, love, compassion, and other deeply moving spiritual experiences become holy states that you can cultivate through your own intentional efforts to be present, grounded, and mindfully aware of both yourself and others. Learning to trust that your deepest emotions can lead you somewhere good is what my collaborator and American Buddhist writer Sharon Salzberg calls faith in her 2002 spiritual memoir by the same name. Faith, or alternatively trust or confidence, is the usual translation of the ancient Pali word saddha , which Salzberg points out literally means “to place the heart upon.” Like Armstrong and Nhat Hanh, Salzberg emphasizes that faith is a verb, an action—something you do—not a received definition of reality or belief system that explains away life’s mysteries. In Buddhism, to have faith is to open your heart to your experiences, or as Salzberg puts it, to be willing “to take the next step, to see the unknown as an adventure, to launch a journey.” Faith is a way of leaning in toward your feelings of love and oneness, trusting that—somehow—they will nourish you and lead you closer to your spiritual higher ground.

• From Worried about Everything Because I Pray about Nothing (2022)

  This dynamic exists in our relationship with God as well. Do you want an intimate, open, trusting relationship with God? If so, honesty is vital. That is especially true when you’ve done something wrong. That’s why confession and repentance are so important. Confession is admitting our faults and failures: “I did this. I said that. I went there. I responded this way. I made that decision.” Confession is specific, personal, and honest. Repentance takes this a step further; it means being willing to act differently going forward: “I want to change. I don’t want to do that again. I am going to be better and do better.” You can’t have one without the other in a healthy relationship. Admitting our faults and being willing to change are essential. The wonderful thing is that unlike human relationships, we can confess our faults and sins to God without fear that He will reject us. He already knows what we’ve done, for one thing. He’s already forgiven us, for another. Our confession isn’t to let God know what we’ve done. It’s more for our own sake: to admit to ourselves before God that we have fallen short, and we need His mercy. Earlier I quoted Hebrews 4:16: “Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and may find grace to help us in our time of need.” The phrase throne of grace is indescribably comforting to me. God is the judge. His throne room is the courthouse, and His throne is the judgment seat of God. That’s why it’s so amazing that it’s a throne of grace. Not a throne of wrath. Not a throne of punishment. Not a throne of condemnation. Not even a throne of exasperation or annoyance. It’s a throne of grace.