Tenderness

Passages

Every passage tagged with this emotion in the Vela corpus. Search the body text, narrow by source or register, click through to a book’s profile to see how the passage sits with the rest of the work.

Page 15 of 145 · 20 per page

• From The Bible: A Biography (2007)

  Everything else in the scriptures was merely ‘commentary’, a gloss on the Golden Rule. At the end of his exegesis, Hillel uttered a miqra, a call to action: ‘Go study!’ When they studied the Torah, rabbis should attempt to reveal the core of compassion that lay at the heart of all the legislation and narratives in the scriptures – even if this meant twisting the original meaning of the text. The rabbis of Yavneh were followers of Hillel. R. Akiba, the leading sage of the later Yavneh period, declared that the greatest principle of Torah was the commandment in Leviticus: ‘Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.’ 6 Only one of the rabbis contested this, arguing that the simple words ‘This is the roll of Adam’s descendants’ were more important because they revealed the unity of the entire human race. 7 R. Johanan had been taught by the pupils of Hillel, and immediately after the catastrophe of 70 he applied this insight to the grim realities of the post- temple world. One day, he had walked past the burnt ruins of the temple with R. Joshua, who had cried out in distress: how could Jews atone for their sins now that they could no longer perform the sacrificial rituals there? R. Johanan consoled him by quoting words that God had spoken to Hosea: ‘Grieve not, we have atonement equal to the temple, the doing of loving deeds, as it is said: “I desire love (hesed) and not sacrifice”.’ 8 The practice of compassion was a priestly act that would atone for sins more effectively than the old expiatory rites, and it could be performed by ordinary lay folk, instead of being the preserve of an exclusive priestly caste. But R. Johanan’s exegesis would probably have surprised Hosea. If he had looked closely at the original context, the rabbi would have realized that God had not been speaking to Hosea of charitable deeds. Hesed should properly be translated as ‘loyalty’ rather than ‘love’. God had not been concerned with the kindness that human beings should show to one another, but with the cultic fealty that Israel owed to him. But this would not have disturbed R. Joshua, who was not attempting a historical exposition of the text, but seeking to console his traumatized community. There was no need to mourn the temple too extravagantly: practical charity could replace the old ceremonial ritual. He was building a horoz, a ‘chain’ that linked together quotations that originally had no connection to each other but which, once ‘enchained’, revealed their integral unity. 9 He began by citing a well-known maxim of Simeon the Just, a revered high priest of the third century BCE: 10 ‘Upon three things the world is based: upon the Torah, upon the temple service, and upon the doing of loving deeds.’

• From The Bible: A Biography (2007)

  17 A good midrash kept as close to the original meaning as possible and R. Ishmael contended that it should only be changed when absolutely necessary. 18 R. Ishmael’s method was respected, but R. Akiba’s carried the day because it kept scripture open. To a modern scholar, this method seems transgressive; midrash regularly goes too far, seems to violate the integrity of the text, and seeks meaning at the expense of the original. 19 But the rabbis believed that because scripture was the word of God, it was infinite. Any meaning that they discovered in a text had been intended by God if it yielded fresh insight and benefited the community. When they expounded Torah, the rabbis regularly amended the words, telling their students, ‘don’t read this . . . but that.’ 20 By altering the text in this way, they sometimes introduced into scripture a note of compassion that had been absent from the original. This happened when R. Meir, one of R. Akiba’s most distinguished pupils, discussed a ruling in Deuteronomy: If a man guilty of a capital offence is put to death and you hang him on a tree, his body must not remain on the tree overnight; you must bury him the same day, for one who has been hanged is accursed of God, [qilelat Elohim] and you must not defile the land that Yahweh your God has given you for your inheritance. 21 There was self-interest in this legislation, because if the Israelites polluted the land they would lose it. But R. Meir suggested a new reading, based on a pun: ‘Do not read qilelat Elohim,’ he said, ‘but qallat Elohim (“the pain of God”)’. R. Meir explained that the new text revealed the pathos of God, who suffered with his creatures: ‘When a person is in grave trouble, what does the Shekhinah say? It says, as it were: “My head is in pain, my arm is in pain”.’ 22 It was possible to find love and the Golden Rule in the most unlikely parts of the Torah. As a modern scholar remarks: ‘the midrashic shuttle weaves a texture of compassion around a stern legal rule’; because the rabbi invited his pupils to change the text, they too became involved in the active process of endless reinterpretation. 23 The same applied to R. Judah’s exposition of God’s words to Zechariah: ‘Whoever hurts you [i.e. Israel] is like one who hurts his own (eyno) eye.’ ‘Do not read eyno (“his”), but eyni (“my”) eye,’ R. Judah instructed his colleagues; the text now claimed that a loving God shared the pain of his own people: ‘Whoever hurts Israel is like one who hurts My [eyni] eye.’ 24 There could be no definitive interpretation of scripture. This point was made in the very early days at Yavneh, when R. Eliezer was engaged in an intractable argument with his colleagues about a legal ruling (halakha) in the Torah.

• From The Bible: A Biography (2007)

  Above all, midrash must be guided by the principle of compassion. In the early years of the first century, the great Pharisaic sage Hillel had come from Babylonia to Jerusalem, where he had preached alongside his rival Shammai, whose version of Pharisaism was more stringent. It was said that one day a pagan had approached Hillel and promised to convert to Judaism if he could summarize the entire Torah while he stood on one leg. Standing on one leg, Hillel replied: ‘What is hateful to yourself, do not to your fellow man. That is the whole of the Torah and the remainder is but commentary. Go study it.’5 This was an astonishing and deliberately controversial piece of midrash. The essence of Torah was the disciplined refusal to inflict pain on another human being. Everything else in the scriptures was merely ‘commentary’, a gloss on the Golden Rule. At the end of his exegesis, Hillel uttered a miqra, a call to action: ‘Go study!’ When they studied the Torah, rabbis should attempt to reveal the core of compassion that lay at the heart of all the legislation and narratives in the scriptures – even if this meant twisting the original meaning of the text. The rabbis of Yavneh were followers of Hillel. R. Akiba, the leading sage of the later Yavneh period, declared that the greatest principle of Torah was the commandment in Leviticus: ‘Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.’6 Only one of the rabbis contested this, arguing that the simple words ‘This is the roll of Adam’s descendants’ were more important because they revealed the unity of the entire human race.7 R. Johanan had been taught by the pupils of Hillel, and immediately after the catastrophe of 70 he applied this insight to the grim realities of the post-temple world. One day, he had walked past the burnt ruins of the temple with R. Joshua, who had cried out in distress: how could Jews atone for their sins now that they could no longer perform the sacrificial rituals there? R. Johanan consoled him by quoting words that God had spoken to Hosea: ‘Grieve not, we have atonement equal to the temple, the doing of loving deeds, as it is said: “I desire love (hesed) and not sacrifice”.’8 The practice of compassion was a priestly act that would atone for sins more effectively than the old expiatory rites, and it could be performed by ordinary lay folk, instead of being the preserve of an exclusive priestly caste. But R. Johanan’s exegesis would probably have surprised Hosea. If he had looked closely at the original context, the rabbi would have realized that God had not been speaking to Hosea of charitable deeds. Hesed should properly be translated as ‘loyalty’ rather than ‘love’. God had not been concerned with the kindness that human beings should show to one another, but with the cultic fealty that Israel owed to him.

• From The Bible: A Biography (2007)

  As a Platonist, it was natural for Augustine to elevate the spiritual above the literal meaning. But he had a strong sense of history, which enabled him to steer a middle course. Instead of rushing to give a figurative interpretation of an unedifying story, Augustine was more inclined to point out that moral standards were culturally conditioned. Polygamy, for example, was common and permissible among primitive peoples. Even the best of us fall into sin, so there was no need to allegorize the story of David’s adultery, which had been included in the Bible as a warning to us all.69 Righteous condemnation is not only unkind but smacks of the self-satisfaction and self-congratulation that is a major impediment to our understanding of scripture. So ‘we must meditate on what we read, until an interpretation be found that tends to establish the reign of charity,’ Augustine urged. ‘Scripture teaches nothing but charity, nor condemns anything except cupidity, and in this way shapes the minds of men.’70 Irenaeus had insisted that exegesis must conform to the ‘rule of faith’. For Augustine, the ‘rule of faith’ was not a doctrine but the spirit of love. Whatever the author had originally intended, a biblical passage that was not conducive to love must be interpreted figuratively, because charity was the beginning and end of the Bible: Whoever, therefore, thinks that he understands the divine scriptures or any part of them so that it does not build the double love of God and of our neighbour does not understand it at all. Whoever finds a lesson there useful to the building of charity, even though he has not said what the author may be shown to have intended in that place, has not been deceived.71 Exegesis was a discipline that trained us in the difficult art of charity. By habitually seeking a charitable explanation of disturbing texts, we could learn to do the same in our daily lives. Like the other Christian exegetes, Augustine believed that Jesus was central to the Bible: ‘Our whole purpose when we hear the Psalms, the Prophets and the Law,’ he explained in a sermon, ‘is to see Christ there, to understand Christ there.’72 But the Christ he found in scripture was never simply the historical Jesus, but the whole Christ, who, as St Paul had taught, was inseparable from humanity.73 After finding Christ in scripture, the Christian must return to the world and learn to seek him in loving service to the community. Augustine was not a linguist. He knew no Hebrew and could not have encountered Jewish midrash, but he had come to the same conclusion as Hillel and Akiba. Any interpretation of scripture that spread hatred and dissension was illegitimate; all exegesis must be guided by the principle of charity.

• From Bastard Out of Carolina (1992)

  She nodded impartially and whispered “Shannon Pearl” before taking off her glasses to begin cleaning them all over again. With her glasses off she half-shut her eyes and hunched her shoulders. Much later, I would realize that she cleaned her glasses whenever she needed a quiet moment to regain her composure, or more often, just to put everything around her at a distance. Without glasses, the world became a soft blur, but she also behaved as if the glasses were all that made it possible for her to hear. Commotion or insults never seemed to register at all when she was cleaning her glasses. It was a valuable trick when you were the object of as much ridicule as she was. Six inches shorter than me, Shannon had the white skin, white hair, and pale pink eyes of an albino, though her mama insisted Shannon was no such thing. “My own precious angel is just a miracle child,” Mrs. Pearl declared. “Born too soon, you know. Why, she was so frail at birth we never thought the Lord would let her stay with us. But now look at her. In my Shannon, you can just see how God touches us all.” Shannon’s fine blue blood vessels shone against the ivory of her scalp. Blue threads under the linen, her mama was always saying. Sometimes, Shannon seemed strangely beautiful to me, as she surely was to her mother. Sometimes, but not often. Not often at all. Every chance she could get, Mrs. Pearl would sit her daughter between her knees and purr over that gossamer hair and puffy pale skin. “My little angel,” she would croon, and my stomach would push up against my heart. It was a lesson in the power of love. Looking back at me from between her mother’s legs, Shannon was wholly monstrous, a lurching hunched creature shining with sweat and smug satisfaction. There had to be something wrong with me, I was sure, the way I went from awe to disgust where Shannon was concerned. When Shannon sat between her mama’s legs or chewed licorice strings her daddy held out for her, I purely hated her. But when other people would look at her scornfully or the boys up at Lee Highway would call her Lard Eyes, I felt a fierce and protective love, as if she were more my sister than Reese. I felt as if I belonged to her in a funny kind of way, as if her “affliction” put me deeply in her debt. It was a mystery, I guessed, a sign of grace like Aunt Maybelle was always talking about. Magic. Christian charity, I knew, would have had me smile at Shannon but avoid her like everyone else. It wasn’t Christian charity that made me give her a seat on the bus, trade my fifth-grade picture for hers, sit at her kitchen table while her mama tried another experiment on her wispy hair—“Egg and cornmeal, that’ll do the trick.

• From Bastard Out of Carolina (1992)

  I watched Aunt Ruth’s bluish fingers clutch at Earle’s arms while he tried to keep his greasy black hands off her yellow chenille robe. “Oh, Ruth,” he groaned and gave it up. He hugged her back, picking her up in his arms. “Don’t cry on me. We’ll both be sick if you get to crying all over me.” He stumbled across the porch and went down on one knee to put her back in her rocker. “It an’t fair. I an’t never been able to argue with a woman when she starts crying.” I hung on to the porch railing, watching the two of them hug each other tight. I couldn’t imagine hugging Reese like that, telling her how I really felt, crying with her. It made me jealous, made me wish I was part of that embrace, that generation, as quick to yell and curse as to cry and make up. Daddy Glen said I was a cold-hearted bitch, and maybe I was. Maybe I was. The morning Mama drove up in Beau’s truck, I was on the porch with four little earthenware pots and Aunt Ruth’s big bucket of wandering Jew. She’d had the idea the day before that she’d like to hang those pots just under the eaves of the porch, and swore that I could leave half the plant in the bucket and break up the rest of the red-and-blue-green tangle into the little pots. “What you think, sister?” Aunt Ruth called to Mama. “An’t they gonna look fine up there under the eaves? Stuffs so sturdy it might even grow up over the roof.” “Might,” Mama agreed, coming up to give me a fast hug. “Grows quick enough anyway.” “People say it’s a weed but I’ve always liked it, specially since it don’t take any effort to keep it going.” Aunt Ruth patted the seat of the cane-back chair beside her rocker. “Come sit with me. An’t seen you in weeks.” She leaned forward to look directly into Mama’s face as she sat down. “You look different, almost rested. What you been doing, napping a lot?” Mama laughed and shook her head. “Just sleeping better since it cooled off a little.” She pointed at the pile of wet moss and clay I was mixing with black dirt. “Everything looks fresher now that the heat’s broke. I’d swear, Bone, you’ve grown a full inch this month.” I just grinned and went on gently separating the tightly meshed roots of the old plant. Aunt Ruth had said some of it would die back but if I could avoid bruising the fine hairs on the roots, most of it would live. So I had to go slow as I unraveled the long, pale shoots. “Oh, Bone’s gonna be a tall thing.”

• From Bastard Out of Carolina (1992)

  “Well…” Mama closed the book and passed it back to me. “I want you to go out there for a while, at least a week or so, while Travis gets a little time for himself.” I nodded. “Good.” Mama sighed as if something difficult had been settled. She reached over and pushed my hair back behind my ears. “Oh, Bone, why are you always letting your hair hang down in your eyes like that? You’ve got such a pretty face. If you’d let me give you a permanent, people could see your eyes and your smile.” I grinned at her and shook my head. Her face relaxed a little, and she smiled back at me. “You are so stubborn.” Her fingers trailed lightly across my brow, smoothing back a few loose strands of hair. “Even more stubborn than your mama, I think.” [image file=image_rsrc2PS.jpg] Aunt Ruth had changed in ways I had not imagined possible. Her hair, once thick and dark red, was almost all gone. What remained had paled to orange straw that she covered with a green-checked cotton scarf when she went out. She had grown so thin that I probably could have lifted her all by myself, though she would never allow me to try. But the greatest change was in how she moved and talked. She had always been the slow, soft-spoken aunt, the quiet one who thought a lot and said little. Now she talked continuously, moving her fingers in constant little jerking motions and shifting her eyes around all the time as if she were afraid she might miss something. Birdlike, she lifted her head and craned to see out the windows while her fingers picked at the afghan she kept across her lap no matter how hot it was. She lived on the couch now, with occasional forays to her rocker on the porch, and had made Travis take down the curtains so that nothing blocked her view. She watched the sunrise and the sunset and napped whenever she chose, and between naps she talked. After the first few days of refilling her juice glass and watching her make her slow, careful way to the bathroom, I began to suspect that my main purpose was to provide Aunt Ruth with an audience, someone who would nod at appropriate moments and not interrupt. “When we were kids, we pretty much never saw our daddy,” she told me one afternoon. “He was always off working or drinking or traveling somewhere. I got the idea that men weren’t expected to hang around much. Now, when Travis is too much with me, he gets on my nerves, even when I’d almost like to have him here to help. It’s good I’ve got you to stay with me, Bone. You don’t get on my nerves at all.”

• From Cults Inside Out: How People Get In and Can Get Out (2014)

  Remember that a destructive cult cannot be all bad and that there may have been some positive aspects or associations linked to cultic involvement. Time in the group or under the undue influence of a leader may have produced some positive changes, developments, or realizations. It’s important for those who are concerned not to make sweeping generalizations and needlessly negative comments. Destructive cults prey on and exploit human frailties and emotions to fulfill their needs. Those hoping to help former cult members must recognize their fragility and be sensitive to their situation. Don’t be critical of spirituality, idealism, or some form of awareness. The stated goals and ideals of the group may have been laudable despite the bad behavior. No one willingly joins a “cult” or volunteers to be abused and exploited. People are essentially tricked into cultic involvement. Don’t try to convince or convert a former cult member regarding a certain set of beliefs. Respect individual expression and the personal process of discovery. Each former cult member must begin to make his or her own choices, free of coercive persuasion and undue influence. As the surveys indicate, many cult members may take some time redeveloping their critical-thinking skills and beginning to think independently again. Likewise, their ability to tolerate ambiguity may slowly return. No one can reasonably expect an instant, overnight transformation after departing from a cultic situation. Placing pressure on former cult members to speed up the process is also unwise. As Conway and Siegelman noted, the longer a person has been in a destructive cult, the longer it may take him or her to sort things out and regain his or her past cognitive abilities. This may also depend on the severity of the group or leader. Some groups called “cults” are more destructive than others. Conway and Siegelman found that this was true depending upon the degree of personal involvement and the level of destructive behavior and control within a particular group. Because there are so few support groups devoted to the issue of cult involvement, simply reading books on the subject of cults and thought reform may be easier. It is also possible to gather historical information about cults and their coercive persuasion techniques through the World Wide Web. Understanding the common elements of deception, coercive persuasion, and undue influence inherently present in destructive cults may help to sort through postcult issues and serve to assuage unreasonable fears, ease stress, and reduce anxiety. The family and friends of a former cult member may also require help understanding cultic influence to better cope with someone who has recently ended such a situation. Again, this can be accomplished through a similarly focused educational process, which includes reading helpful books about cults and relevant research. Much like a former cult member who is coming to terms with the broader context of his or her involvement by learning about how cults affect others, family and friends can also benefit by broadening their knowledge base in regard to this subject.

• From Saint Thomas Aquinas Collection (22 Books) (2016)

  AUGUSTINE. (ubi sup.) A Samaritan coming by, far removed by birth, very near in compassion, acted as follows, But a certain Samaritan as he journeyed came where he was, &c. In whom our Lord Jesus Christ would have Himself typified. For Samaritan is interpreted to be keeper, and it is said of him, He shall not slumber nor sleep who keeps Israel; (Ps. 128:4.) since being raised from the dead he dieth no more. (Rom. 6:9.) Lastly, when it was said to him, Thou art a Samaritan, and hast a devil, (John 8:48.) He said He had not a devil, for He knew Himself to be the caster out of devils, He did not deny that He was the keeper of the weak. GREEK EXPOSITOR. (Severus.) Now Christ here fully calls Himself a Samaritan. For in addressing the lawyer who was glorying in the Law, He wished to express that neither Priest nor Levite, nor all they who were conversant with the Law, fulfilled the requirements of the Law, but He came to accomplish the ordinances of the Law. AMBROSE. Now this Samaritan was also coming down. For who is he that ascended upon into heaven, but he who came down from heaven, even the Son of Man who is in heaven (John 3:13.). THEOPHYLACT. But He says, journeying, as though He purposely determined this in order to cure us. AUGUSTINE. He came in the likeness of sinful flesh, therefore 1 near to him, as it were, in likeness. GREEK EXPOSITOR. Or He came by the way. For He was a true traveller, not a wanderer; and came down to the earth for our sakes. AMBROSE. Now when He came He was made very near to us by His taking upon Himself our infirmities, He became a neighbour by bestowing compassion. Hence it follows, And when he saw him he was moved with compassion. PSEUDO-AUGUSTINE. (ubi sup.) Seeing him lying down weak and motionless. And therefore was He moved with compassion, because He saw in him nothing to merit a cure, but He Himself for sin condemned sin in the flesh. (Rom. 8:3.) Hence it follows, And went to him, and bound up his wounds, pouring in oil and wine. AUGUSTINE. (Serm. 171.) For what so distant, what so far removed, as God from man, the immortal from the mortal, the just from sinners, not in distance of place, but of likeness. Since then He had in Him two good things, righteousness and immortality, and we two evils, that is unrighteousness, and mortality, if He had taken upon Him both our evils He would have been our equal, and with us have had need of a deliverer. That He might be then not what we are, but near us, He was made not a sinner, as thou art, but mortal like unto thee. By taking upon Himself punishment, not taking upon Himself guilt, He destroyed both the punishment and the guilt.

• From Cults Inside Out: How People Get In and Can Get Out (2014)

  If a cult member considers leaving the group, this ongoing outside support may become a crucial factor in such consideration. By continuing to express love and commitment, family and old friends send the message that there is a way out and that the possibility of a better life still exists. Personal Visits Visiting and making face-to-face personal contact with cult members is important. Concerned family members and old friends should frequently try to make and encourage such visits. These visits could potentially include birthdays and special occasions such as anniversaries and holidays. Again, they must be done with sensitivity regarding the group’s influence. Most cult members don’t live in isolated compounds, and doing personal visits is often relatively easy to do. If there is a history of arguments concerning the group or leader, it may take time to diminish the stress level that exists and resume more relaxed conversations and visits. Always remember that what is said and done has consequences. Consider this whenever communicating or visiting a cult member. That is, confrontational and negative behavior may lead to an end of communication. Organizing visits with cult members away from the cultic group is always preferable. This could include visits at home or in a private residence, such as an invitation for a meal. Always remain courteous, even if rebuffed. Visits may include long descriptions of group activities and projects. Listen patiently but don’t confuse courtesy with feigned feelings. Expressing support for the group and its activities isn’t necessary. But be polite and attentive; if there’s nothing positive you can honestly say, it’s preferable not to comment. Remember that every comment you make will be viewed through the lens of the group and could potentially be repeated to others in the group. That is why you should exercise caution when making comments. When you are in doubt about what to say and how to act, doing nothing is preferable. It is much easier to add comments later than to retract those you’ve already made. Encourage happy memories or talk about things that can be seen as universally positive, such as someone who recovered from an illness or something as simple as good weather. If possible, try to draw on the cult member’s known sense of humor to strengthen rapport. If possible, everyone should be encouraged to maintain contact through face-to-face visits. These visits may be the only meaningful personal contact and emotional connection the cult member has outside the group. Hopefully the cult member can be courteous too. But if you aren’t being treated respectfully, it’s all right to offer a gentle reminder, such as, “I am doing the best I can to understand and be respectful.

• From House of Holes: A Book of Raunch (2011)

  Finally, he felt the cool pillows of her bottom on his hips. “Now please continue to fuck in and out of my asshole,” Koizumi said, “and when I come you will feel the ring tighten very hard and that is when you must come and put your seed in my bowel, so that I can push out your souvenir.” Wade pulled almost all the way out so that he could feel the blunt, strong rim of her sphincter clenched on his underdick. Koizumi was in a dream world, and Wade could hear her vibration going rum, rum, rum and her little panting sounds. She said Japanese or perhaps Sanskrit words he didn’t understand. Then he felt a sudden distinct spasm of tightness from her anus, followed by a catlike mew of orgasm. It was so primitive and pure and in a strange way mystical that his comesack clenched once, twice, three times, and he could feel the come shudders zithering down into her body. She collapsed and he lay on top of her, smiling. Her asshole tightened one last time and pushed Wade’s softening cock out of it. “Ah, a good experience,” she said. “Now we must wait. I am going to have a bath.” “I’ll run it for you,” said Wade. He rinsed off his cock, which was surprisingly clean, and then ran her a warm bath. She came in holding her stomach. “I can feel it growing in me,” she said. She got in the water and held Wade’s hand. After a moment’s time, she reached down and poked into herself. Then her face contorted, and her upper lip pushed out, and she drooled a little. She practically broke his fingerbones in her grip. In the water was a large brown object. She slumped back for a moment, resting. “That hurt very, very much, even more than your cock hurt,” she said. “But I will recover.” “I think you may have just crapped the bathtub,” said Wade. She looked up. “No, I did not ‘crap.’ That is incorrect. You will see. This is one of my sculptures. It is made of asswood.” She washed it off and dried it with a towel and handed it to him. The sculpture was indeed in the shape of a woman, with a wide face, made of dark polished wood. “It’s beautiful, I stand corrected,” said Wade. “I will give it to you. I have others for sale in the HOHMA gift shop. Now I will go. I enjoyed our dream. Good-bye.” She nodded to him. “Good-bye,” said Wade. “Thank you very much for the sculpture.” Henriette Surfs the Lake Henriette was sitting in Lila’s office. The book of men’s faces lay open and unregarded on the glass table next to her chair. Poplars were waving their little leaf shadows on the floor. “I imagine a sensual man,” Henriette said, “strong-jawed, financially secure, who understands my needs and is not threatened by them.”

• From Augustine: A New Biography (2005)

  But I think we benefited more from him, we who could hear and see him present and speaking in church, and especially the ones who were privy to his ordinary behavior around people. He was not only a learned scribe in the kingdom of the skies, bringing forth new and old from his treasurehouse, or one of those businessmen who found a pearl of great price and sold everything they had to buy it. He was also one of those to whom it was said “speak this way and act the same way” and of whom the savior said, “If you act and teach men in this way, you will be called great in the kingdom of the skies.” Notice how Possidius is driven, in perhaps the most intimate part of this text, away from his own words into scriptural words to describe his friend and mentor. We grasp after the power of the relationship, even as Augustine himself fades into hieratic abstraction. There was, to be sure, one friend above all others: Alypius. Alypius deserves his own volume, or his own play. He is Horatio to Augustine’s Hamlet. In Shakespeare, though, we see Hamlet so often through Horatio’s eyes that we grow used to his skin and his personality and fail to notice our ignorance of his heart. Alypius is different. We know a great deal about him from Augustine himself, and we see him and Augustine repeatedly on the same stage throughout Augustine’s career. But Alypius still escapes us to an astonishing degree. Did he think of himself as a trusty sidekick to Augustine’s heroic gunslinger, or did he see a stage on which he was himself the star player?

• From The Decameron (1353)

  I say, then, that there dwelt once in the city of Fano two Lombards, whereof the one was called Guidotto da Cremona and the other Giacomino da Pavia, both men advanced in years, who had in their youth been well nigh always soldiers and engaged in deeds of arms. Guidotto, being at the point of death and having nor son nor other kinsmen nor friend in whom he trusted more than in Giacomino, left him a little daughter he had, of maybe ten years of age, and all that he possessed in the world, and after having bespoken him at length of his affairs, he died. In those days it befell that the city of Faenza, which had been long in war and ill case, was restored to somewhat better estate and permission to sojourn there was freely conceded to all who had a mind to return thither; wherefore Giacomino, who had abidden there otherwhile and had a liking for the place, returned thither with all his good and carried with him the girl left him by Guidotto, whom he loved and entreated as his own child.

• From History of the Christian Church: The Complete Set of Eight Volumes (1858)

  This system of permanent oppression and moral degradation the gospel opposes rather by its whole spirit than by any special law. It nowhere recommends outward violence and revolutionary measures, which in those times would have been worse than useless, but provides an internal radical cure, which first mitigates the evil, takes away its sting, and effects at last its entire abolition. Christianity aims, first of all, to redeem man, without regard to rank or condition, from that worst bondage, the curse of sin, and to give him true spiritual freedom; it confirms the original unity of all men in the image of God, and teaches the common redemption and spiritual equality of all before God in Christ;636 it insists on love as the highest duty and virtue, which itself inwardly levels social distinctions; and it addresses the comfort and consolation of the gospel particularly to all the poor, the persecuted, and the oppressed. Paul sent back to his earthly master the fugitive slave, Onesimus, whom he had converted to Christ and to his duty, that he might restore his character where he had lost it; but he expressly charged Philemon to receive and treat the bondman hereafter as a beloved brother in Christ, yea, as the apostle’s own heart. It is impossible to conceive of a more radical cure of the evil in those times and within the limits of established laws and customs. And it is impossible to find in ancient literature a parallel to the little Epistle to Philemon for gentlemanly courtesy and delicacy, as well as for tender sympathy with a poor slave. This Christian spirit of love, humanity, justice, and freedom, as it pervades the whole New Testament, has also, in fact, gradually abolished the institution of slavery in almost all civilized nations, and will not rest till all the chains of sin and misery are broken, till the personal and eternal dignity of man redeemed by Christ is universally acknowledged, and the evangelical freedom and brotherhood of men are perfectly attained. Note on the Number and Condition of Slaves in Greece and Rome. Attica numbered, according to Ctesicles, under the governorship of Demetrius the Phalerian (309 b.c.), 400,000 slaves, 10,000 foreigners, and only 21,000 free citizens. In Sparta the disproportion was still greater.

• From Augustine: A New Biography (2005)

  4. But if you swear you didn’t write a treatise attacking me, and if you didn’t send the book you didn’t write to Rome, you still admit there are some things you’ve written that disagree with what I say, even if you’re not attacking me, but just writing what seemed right to you—well, just listen to me patiently. You didn’t write a book: so how did these criticisms of me come into my possession? Why does Italy have what you didn’t write? How can you insist I reply to things you deny you wrote? I’m not so thick that I’m going to feel offended if you think your own thoughts. But if you parse my words closely and you ask for explanations and demand I change what I’ve written, and challenge me to recant, then I see things with fresh eyes. This is how friendship is harmed and the laws of relationship are violated. Let’s not be seen fighting like boys and give our fans and detractors stuff to fight over. I write this because I want to love you with a pure Christian love and not hold back anything in my mind that I can’t bring to my lips. It’s not right that somebody like me should dare to write against a bishop of my own communion when I’ve spent most of my life, from adolescence to this advanced age, toiling away with my brothers in this little monastery. Especially when it’s a bishop whom I began to love before I knew him, who challenged me first to friendship and whom I rejoice to see rising up to come after me in scriptural learning. So either say it’s not your book—if it isn’t—and stop insisting I reply to what you didn’t write; or if it is yours, admit it openly so that if I write something back in defense, the fault will be yours for challenging me, not mine for being forced to reply.

• From House of Holes: A Book of Raunch (2011)

  Probably not. “Shandee, baby,” he called quietly. “It’s me, Dune. How goes the search for your one-armed mystery man?” Shandee’s voice came muffled from the other side of the curtain. “No luck yet,” she said. “Lila wants me out working on the midway while Dave sows his oats. She says I have to wait because Dave has a superlarge penis and he needs a little more time with it before he has to give it up.” “Too bad for him, he’s missing out on you,” said Dune. “Have you been going with anyone else?” There was a thoughtful silence, then Shandee said, “Ruzty’s paid a few calls.” “That sweet smiley kid with the accent?” Shandee sighed. “It’s embarrassing because whenever we finally get down to a little kissing, Dave’s arm starts thrashing in his bag like a bad puppy. I put him in a drawer, but he starts thumping to get out.” “I can sympathize,” said Dune, lightly stroking the back of Shandee’s knee with his oven mitt. “You’re so damn pretty I can barely swallow my own spit. And I can only see the lower half of you.” “That’s sweet. Have you been well?” “Oh, I’m rattled and cranky and horny,” said Dune. “But I do have something that will be of interest to you.” He tucked a scrap of paper into one of Shandee’s boots. “It’s the number of Dave’s hotel room. Four thirty-four.” “Wow, thanks, Dune. ” “And now, before my time runs out, I hope you’ll let me slap or spank your ass.” “Sure, that’s what it’s for,” said Shandee. “But wear the mitts, and don’t spank too hard. Some guys spank me too hard.” Dune blew on her ass and rested both his mitts on it for a moment. “Shandee, honey, I’ll spank you so soft you won’t even know it’s spanking, I’ll spank you real tender, and you’ll know it’s me, because I’m really just touching your ass with a man’s gentle touch and showing you how much respect I have for it.” “That’s nice,” said Shandee. “And can I kiss your ass, too? And worship it?” “Yes, you can kiss and worship my ass.” He bent close and kissed, closing his eyes, and then he whispered, “And can I pull out your hanky and stick one pinky finger in your pretty pussy? I know I’ll find true peace if I do.” “If you do that with your pinky, Dune, they’ll cut it off,” said Shandee, putting her knees together. “Look up on the wall above you.” Dune glanced at the long, bony row of dried fingers that were nailed there. Then he noticed a small blood-stained chopping block in the corner. It was not a pleasant sight. “Damn savages,” said Dune. “It’s almost worth it, except I play guitar and keyboards. Can’t they make an exception for an old friend?”

• From The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: A 25-Year Landmark Study (2000)

  SiblingsLIKE MANY SIBLINGS in divorced families, Larry and Anja were very helpful to each other during the postdivorce years. Larry’s first awareness of his father’s flaws as a parent came from watching his father treat his sister so unfairly. He felt sorry for her at an early age and suffered at the unfairness of her treatment. Anja in turn leaned on her brother in her many sad experiences with violent men. He was the one who took her home from the emergency room. And he was the one who encouraged her to leave abusive men and seek professional help. After divorce, siblings are often drawn closer together. Amid the shifting moods of troubled parents, they turn to each other for safety and warmth. After all, they share a special history that binds them together. Unlike only children after a divorce, they help each other every step of the way. As adults they say things like, “My brother saved my life” or “Because of my sister I kept my sanity.” Only children often have a much harder time and are more likely to feel lonely, isolated, and overwhelmed by their parents’ problems. Siblings after divorce often form small subcultures within the family, creating a united front vis-à-vis their parents and the adult world. They lie awake at night discussing their parents and trying to make sense out of what they observe. As adults, many continue to share their concerns, including opinions about each parent and his or her significant other, with a candor and openness unto themselves. Their sense of camaraderie—of “we-ness”—does not end with childhood but extends into adult life to their mutual benefit. In an interview, one young man made sure that I understood the importance of his sister as his champion. “She helped me all the time,” he said. “She’s two years older and didn’t feel the impact of the divorce as much as I did. She was already free, more able to risk my dad’s anger. So she fought for both of us.” A young woman referred repeatedly to how she and her brother were caregivers for their parents. She said, “And still whenever there is a crisis in any part of the family, we get back into sharing the guilt and into deciding who will take care of what, as if we were a permanent nine-one-one ambulance team.”

• From Cults Inside Out: How People Get In and Can Get Out (2014)

  Every opportunity to communicate with a cult member is a chance to emotionally connect. This is why staying positive is so important. Find subjects of mutual interest in an effort to maintain or build on the existing relationship and rapport. Be affectionate, friendly, and reasonable. Look for areas of potential agreement. Never be confrontational, combative, or argumentative. Never denounce the group’s leader(s), beliefs, or practices. This doesn’t mean, however, that anyone should be deliberately misleading, give false information, or act obviously out of character. It simply means to filter out negativity and criticism that might distress or upset the cult member. Again, never use the word cult or terms like brainwashed or mind control . If an uncomfortable situation arises, someone might say, “I would really rather not discuss that right now. Let’s talk about something else. I don’t want to argue.” Or, “I am happy to have this time with you. I want this to be pleasant visit.” The more frequently a cult member is contacted, the better. This connection might include phone calls, letters, or personal visits. Concerned family members and friends might, to some extent, coordinate communication efforts, encouraging regular calls and visits from a number of people. But this should be done with the positive cooperation of the cult member. In other words reasonably respect the person’s space and schedule. Visits or mail should include sharing photographs of family, friends, favorite pets, and places of interest. An occasional gift of some favorite food is a meaningful gesture. All this may stimulate fond memories of happy times. Keeping cult members informed about contact information, such as changes of address and phone numbers, is crucial. Cult members should be kept up to date about family news and situations. This might include information about someone who is sick or hospitalized as well as births, deaths, weddings, graduations, engagements, and so forth. And they should always be sent invitations or announcements of such events. If there is a family emergency, they should be called. If the cult member doesn’t have a phone or cell phone, some means of communication might be provided and paid for to ensure continued contact and access. Never forget a cult member’s birthday, special anniversary, or significant holiday. Send thoughtful gifts, cards, text messages, e-mail and special commemorative keepsakes but don’t send money. All these considerations serve as important reminders not only of family and old friends but also of pleasant memories. If at all possible, maintain health insurance coverage for a cult member through a family policy or provider. And if it seems meaningful, provide a car, without titling it in the cult member’s name, along with the necessary required insurance. This gesture may serve as a means for maintaining contact and possibly visiting outside of the group. Only the most extreme destructive cults, those living in group housing, censor incoming mail. But it may prove useful to keep a record of any communication through letters, cards, and sent gifts.

• From History of the Christian Church: The Complete Set of Eight Volumes (1858)

  He informs us that Jesus, "looking upon" the rich young ruler, "loved him," and that the ruler’s "countenance fell" when he was told to sell all he had and to follow Jesus. Mark, or Peter rather, must have watched the eye of our Lord and read in his face the expression of special interest in that man who notwithstanding his self-righteousness and worldliness had some lovely qualities and was not very far from the kingdom.978 The cure of the demoniac and epileptic at the foot of the mount of transfiguration is narrated with greater circumstantiality and dramatic vividness by Mark than by the other Synoptists. He supplies the touching conversation of Jesus with the father of the sufferer, which drew out his weak and struggling faith with the earnest prayer for strong and victorious faith: "I believe; help Thou mine unbelief."979 We can imagine how eagerly Peter, the confessor, caught this prayer, and how often he repeated it in his preaching, mindful of his own weakness and trials. All the Synoptists relate on two distinct occasions Christ’s love for little children, but Mark alone tells us that He "took little children into his arms, and laid his hands upon them."980 Many minor details not found in the other Gospels, however insignificant in themselves, are yet most significant as marks of the autopticity of the narrator (Peter). Such are the notices that Jesus entered the house of "Simon and Andrew, with James and John" (Mark 1:29); that the Pharisees took counsel "with the Herodians" (3:6); that the raiment of Jesus at the transfiguration became exceeding white as snow "so as no fuller on earth can whiten them" (9:3); that blind Bartimaeus when called, "casting away his garment, leaped up" (10:50), and came to Jesus; that "Peter and James and John and Andrew asked him privately" on the Mount of Olives about the coming events (13:3); that the five thousand sat down "in ranks, by hundreds and fifties" (6:40); that the Simon who carried the cross of Christ (15:21) was a "Cyrenian" and "the father of Alexander and Rufus" (no doubt, two well-known disciples, perhaps at Rome, comp. Rom. 16:13). We may add, as peculiar to Mark and "bewraying" Peter, the designation of Christ as "the carpenter" (Mark 6:3); the name of the blind beggar at Jericho, "Bartimaeus" (10:46); the "cushion" in the boat on which Jesus slept (4:38); the "green grass" on the hill side in spring time (4:39); the "one loaf" in the ship (8:14); the colt "tied at the door without in the open street" (11:4); the address to the daughter of Jairus in her mother tongue (5:41); the bilingual "Abba, Father," in the prayer at Gethsemane (14:36; comp. Rom. 8:15; Gal. 4:6). Conclusion.

• From History of the Christian Church: The Complete Set of Eight Volumes (1858)

  John was a son (probably the younger son) of Zebedee and Salome, and a brother of the elder James, who became the protomartyr of the apostles.562 He may have been about ten years younger than Jesus, and as, according to the unanimous testimony of antiquity, he lived till the reign of Trajan, i.e., till after 98, he must have attained an age of over ninety years. He was a fisherman by trade, probably of Bethsaida in Galilee (like Peter, Andrew, and Philip). His parents seem to have been in comfortable circumstances. His father kept hired servants; his mother belonged to the noble band of women who followed Jesus and supported him with their means, who purchased spices to embalm him, who were the last at the cross and the first at the open tomb. John himself was acquainted with the high priest, and owned a house in Jerusalem or Galilee, into which he received the mother of our Lord.563 He was a cousin of Jesus, according to the flesh, from his mother, a sister of Mary.564 This relationship, together with the enthusiasm of youth and the fervor of his emotional nature, formed the basis of his intimacy with the Lord.