Relief

Passages

Every passage tagged with this emotion in the Vela corpus. Search the body text, narrow by source or register, click through to a book’s profile to see how the passage sits with the rest of the work.

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• From Sketch for a Theory of the Emotions (1939)

  Sartre then turns to psychoanalysis, which he sees as supplying the basis for a major advance. Freud offers, not in his theory of affect, which is minimal and crudely mechanistic, but in his theory of symbolization – the process whereby a conscious phenomenon can come to bear an unconscious (repressed or sublimated) meaning – a model which when applied to emotion allows it to be grasped as bearing an appropriately deep, unitary significance. What principally limits Freud, Sartre argues, is the metapsychological formulation of his insight: psychoanalysis holds apart the symbol and the symbolized in different mental regions, rendering their essential unity unintelligible. The argument which Sartre picks here with Freud is resumed and pursued at a deeper level in Being and Nothingness, where the focus is shifted to psychoanalysis’ assumption of an unconscious mind. With the ground thus cleared, Sartre is able to present his central, radical thesis concerning emotion, which effectively breaks with two thousand years of philosophical psychology by disposing of the entrenched assumption that emotion is opposed to free choice. Emotion is, Sartre maintains, ‘a transformation of the world’ undertaken in the face of some requirement of action that the world imposes on us or the perceived difficulty which it presents in relation to some project of ours. By means of this transformation ‘we try to change the world; that is, to live in it as though the relations between things and their potentialities were governed not by deterministic processes but by magic’. The transformation, freely initiated at the pre-reflective level, is directed at the qualities and relations of objects, which are reconfigured in such a way as to eliminate dissonance from our relation to the world: in one way or another we are relieved of the burden of action, by dint of extinguishing the worldly source of the problematic practical demand. In the most basic case: the grapes that we cannot reach come to look ‘too green’. In the more complex case of melancholy: the oppressive world at large is reduced to an ‘affectively neutral reality, a system in total affective equilibrium’. Though our reconfiguration of the world bears only on the phenomenological qualities by virtue of which objects index possibilities and necessities of action, and does not touch the objective relations in which they stand, emotional transformation of the world nonetheless issues in belief: ‘The qualities conferred upon objects are taken as true qualities.’ The physiological accompaniments of emotion are testimony to the involvement of belief: we, as it were, insist through the medium of our bodies on the reality of the affective transformation.

• From The Well of Loneliness (1928)

  He was honestly advising according to his lights—perhaps the only lights that the world had left him . And Stephen could find very little to say. She was sick of denials and subterfuges, sick of tacit lies which outraged her own instincts and which seemed like insults thrust upon Mary; so she left Brockett’s bolder statements unchallenged. As for the rest, she hedged a little, still vaguely mistrustful of Valérie Seymour. Yet she knew quite well that Brockett had been right—life these days must often be lonely for Mary. Why had she never thought of this before? She cursed herself for her lack of perception. Then Brockett tactfully changed the subject; he was far too wise not to know when to stop. So now he told her about his new play, which for him was a very unusual proceeding. And as he talked on there came over Stephen a queer sense of relief at the thought that he knew. . . . Yes, she actually felt a sense of relief because this man knew of her relations with Mary; because there was no longer any need to behave as if those relations were shameful—at all events in the presence of Brockett. The world had at last found a chink in her armour. 6 ‘We must go and see Valérie Seymour one day,’ Stephen remarked quite casually that evening. ‘She’s a very well-known woman in Paris. I believe she gives rather jolly parties. I think it’s about time you had a few friends.’ ‘Oh, what fun! Yes, do let’s—I’d love it!’ exclaimed Mary. Stephen thought that her voice sounded pleased and excited, and in spite of herself she sighed a little. But after all nothing really mattered except that Mary should keep well and happy. She would certainly take her to Valérie Seymour’s—why not? She had probably been very foolish. Selfish too, sacrificing the girl to her cranks— ‘Darling, of course we’ll go,’ she said quickly. ‘I expect we’ll find it awfully amusing.’ 7 Three days later, Valérie, having seen Brockett, wrote a short but cordial invitation: ‘Do come in on Wednesday if you possibly can—I mean both of you, of course. Brockett’s promised to come, and one or two other interesting people. I’m so looking forward to renewing our acquaintance after all this long time, and to meeting Miss Llewellyn. But why have you never been to see me? I don’t think that was very friendly of you! However, you can make up for past neglect by coming to my little party on Wednesday. . . .’ Stephen tossed the letter across to Mary. ‘There you are!’ ‘How ripping—but will you go?’ ‘Do you want to?’ ‘Yes, of course. Only what about your work?’ ‘It will keep all right for one afternoon.’ ‘Are you sure?’ Stephen smiled. ‘Yes, I’m quite sure, darling.’ CHAPTER 37 1 T he most stupendous and heart-breaking folly of our times drew towards its abrupt conclusion. By November the Unit was stationed at St.

• From The Well of Loneliness (1928)

  Anna also wrote, and from her Stephen learnt of the death of Roger Antrim. He had been shot down while winning his V.C. through saving the life of a wounded captain. All alone he had gone over to no-man’s-land and had rescued his friend where he lay unconscious, receiving a bullet through the head at the mo- ment of flinging the wounded man into safety. Roger — so lack- ing in understanding, so crude, so cruel and remorseless a bully — Roger had been changed in the twinkling of an eye into some- thing superb because utterly selfless. Thus it was that the undying urge of mankind towards the ideal had come upon Roger. And THE WELL OF LONELINESS 333 Stephen as she sat there and read of his passing, suddenly knew that she wished him well, that his courage had wiped one great bitterness out of her heart and her life for ever. And so by dying as he had died, Roger, all unknowing, had fulfilled the law that must be extended to enemy and friend alike — the immutable law of service. 4 Events gathered momentum. By the June of that year 700,000 United States soldiers, strong and comely men plucked from their native prairies, from their fields of tall corn, from their farms and their cities, were giving their lives in defence of freedom on the blood-soaked battlefields of France. They had little to gain and much to lose; it was not their war, yet they helped to fight it be- cause they were young and their nation was young, and the ideals of youth are eternally hopeful. In July came the Allied counter-offensive, and now in her moment of approaching triumph France knew to the full her great desolation, as it lay revealed by the retreating armies. For not only had there been a holocaust of homesteads, but the country was strewn with murdered trees, cut down in their hour of most perfect leafing; orchards struck to the ground, an orgy of destruc- tion, as the mighty forces rolled back like a tide, to recoil on them- selves — incredulous, amazed, maddened by the outrage of com- ing disaster. For mad they must surely have been, since no man is a more faithful lover of trees than the German. Stephen as she drove through that devastated country would find herself thinking of Martin Hallam — Martin who had touched the old thorns on the hills with such respectful and pitiful fingers: ‘ Have you ever thought about the enormous courage of trees? I have and it seems to me amazing. The Lord dumps them down and they’ve just got to stick it, no matter what happens — that must need some courage.’ Martin had believed in a heaven for trees, a forest heaven for all the faithful; and looking at those pitiful, leafy corpses, Stephen would want to believe in that heaven. Until lately she had not thought of Martin for years, he

• From The Story of My Experiments with Truth (An Autobiography) (1927)

  THE CALM AFTER THE STORM I had not yet left the police station, when, after two days, I was taken to see Mr.Escombe. Two constables were sent to protect me, though no such precaution was then needed. On the day of landing, as soon as the yellow flag was lowered, a representative of The Natal Advertiser had come to interview me. He had asked me a number of questions, and in reply I had been able to refute everyone of the charges that had been levelled against me. Thanks to Sir Pherozeshah Mehta, I had delivered only written speeches in India, and I had copies of them all, as well as of my other writings. I had given the interviewer all this literature and showed him that in India I had said nothing which I had not already said in South Africa in stronger language. I had also shown him that I had had no hand in bringing the passengers of the Courland and Naderi to South Africa. Many of them were old residents, and most of them, far from wanting to stay in Natal, meant to go to the Transvaal. In those days the Transvaal offered better prospects than Natal to those coming in search of wealth, and most Indians, therefore, preferred to go there. This interview and my refusal to prosecute the assailants produced such a profound impression that the Europeans of Durban were ashamed of their conduct. The press declared me to be innocent and condemned the mob. Thus the lynching ultimately proved to be a blessing for me, that is, for the cause. It enhanced the prestige of the Indian community in South Africa and made my work easier. In three or four days I went to my house, and it was not long before I settled down again. The incident added also to my professional practice. But if it enhanced the prestige of the community, it also fanned the flame of prejudice against it. As soon as it was proved that the Indian could put up a manly fight, he came to be regarded as a danger. Two bills were introduced in the Natal

• From The Story of My Experiments with Truth (An Autobiography) (1927)

  I wanted to inform the agent of the Coach Company of the whole affair. So I wrote him a letter, narrating everything that had happened, and drawing his attention to the threat his man had held out. I also asked for an assurance that he would accommodate me with the other passengers inside the coach when we started the next morning. To which the agent replied to this effect: ‘From Standerton we have a bigger coach with different men in charge. The man complained of will not be there tomorrow, and you will have a seat with the other passengers.’ This somewhat relieved me. I had, of course, no intention of proceeding against the man who had assaulted me, and so the chapter of the assault closed there. In the morning Isa Sheth’s man took me to the coach, I got a good seat and reached Johannesburg quite safely that night. Standerton is a small village and Johannesburg a big city. Abdulla Sheth had wired to Johannesburg also, and given me the name and address of Muhammad Kasam Kamruddin’s firm there. Their man had come to receive me at the stage, but neither did I see him nor did he recognize me. So I decided to go to a hotel. I knew the names of several. Taking a cab I asked to be driven to the Grand National Hotel. I saw the Manager and asked for a room. He eyed me for a moment, and politely saying, ‘I am very sorry, we are full up’, bade me good- bye. So I asked the cabman to drive to Muhammad Kasam Kamruddin’s shop. Here I found Abdul Gani Sheth expecting me, and he gave me a cordial greeting. He had a hearty laugh over the story of my experience at the hotel. ‘How ever did you expect to be admitted to a hotel?’ he said. ‘Why not?’ I asked. ‘You will come to know after you have stayed here a few days,’ said he. ‘Only we can live in a land like this, because, for making money, we do not mind

• From Lady Chatterley's Lover (1928)

  Now she had more time to herself she could softly play the piano, up in her room, and sing: "Touch not the nettle ... for the bonds of love are ill to loose." She had not realised till lately how ill to loose they were, these bonds of love. But thank Heaven she had loosened them! She was so glad to be alone, not always to have to talk to him. When he was alone he tapped-tapped-tapped on a typewriter, to infinity. But when he was not "working," and she was there, he talked, always talked; infinite small analysis of people and motives, and results, characters and personalities, till now she had had enough. For years she had loved it, until she had enough, and then suddenly it was too much. She was thankful to be alone. It was as if thousands and thousands of little roots and threads of consciousness in him and her had grown together into a tangled mass, till they could crowd no more, and the plant was dying. Now quietly, subtly she was unravelling the tangle of his consciousness and hers, breaking the threads gently, one by one, with patience and impatience to get clear. But the bonds of such love are more ill to loose even than most bonds; though Mrs. Bolton's coming had been a great help. But he still wanted the old intimate evenings of talk with Connie; talk or reading aloud. But now she could arrange that Mrs. Bolton should come at ten to disturb them. At ten o'clock Connie could go upstairs and be alone. Clifford was in good hands with Mrs. Bolton. Mrs. Bolton ate with Mrs. Betts in the housekeeper's room, since they were all agreeable. And it was curious how much closer the servants' quarters seemed to have come; right up to the doors of Clifford's study, when before they were so remote. For Mrs. Betts would sometimes sit in Mrs. Bolton's room, and Connie heard their lowered voices, and felt somehow the strong, other vibration of the working people almost invading the sitting-room, when she and Clifford were alone. So changed was Wragby merely by Mrs. Bolton's coming. And Connie felt herself released, in another world, she felt she breathed differently. But still she was afraid of how many of her roots, perhaps mortal ones, were tangled with Clifford's. Yet still, she breathed freer, a new phase was going to begin in her life. CHAPTER VIII Mrs. Bolton also kept a cherishing eye on Connie, feeling she must extend to her her female and professional protection. She was always urging her ladyship to walk out, to drive to Uthwaite, to be in the air. For Connie had got into the habit of sitting still by the fire, pretending to read, or to sew feebly, and hardly going out at all.

• From The Decameron (1353)

  Gianni answered that he would well and accordingly they both arose and went softly to the door, without which Federigo, who now began to misdoubt him of somewhat, was yet in waiting. When they came thither, the lady said to Gianni, 'Do thou spit, whenas I shall bid thee.' And he answered, 'Good.' Then she began the conjuration and said, 'Phantom, phantom that goest by night, with tail upright[341] thou cam'st to us; now get thee gone with tail upright. Begone into the garden to the foot of the great peach tree; there shalt thou find an anointed twice-anointed one[342] and an hundred turds of my sitting hen;[343] set thy mouth to the flagon and get thee gone again and do thou no hurt to my Gianni nor to me.' Then to her husband, 'Spit, Gianni,' quoth she, and he spat. Federigo, who heard all this from without and was now quit of jealousy, had, for all his vexation, so great a mind to laugh that he was like to burst, and when Gianni spat, he said under his breath '[Would it were] thy teeth!' [Footnote 341: _i.e._ pene arrecto.] [Footnote 342: _i.e._ a fattened capon well larded.] [Footnote 343: _i.e._ eggs.]

• From Sketch for a Theory of the Emotions (1939)

  Janet has, in addition, no way of accounting for the organization of emotional phenomena, their distinctive internal coherence; the function of, as it were, signing off from rational conduct could be performed just as well by a diffuse, disorganized collapse of behavioural capacity. Sartre then turns to psychoanalysis, which he sees as supplying the basis for a major advance. Freud offers, not in his theory of affect, which is minimal and crudely mechanistic, but in his theory of symbolization – the process whereby a conscious phenomenon can come to bear an unconscious (repressed or sublimated) meaning – a model which when applied to emotion allows it to be grasped as bearing an appropriately deep, unitary significance. What principally limits Freud, Sartre argues, is the metapsychological formulation of his insight: psychoanalysis holds apart the symbol and the symbolized in different mental regions, rendering their essential unity unintelligible. The argument which Sartre picks here with Freud is resumed and pursued at a deeper level in Being and Nothingness, where the focus is shifted to psychoanalysis’ assumption of an unconscious mind. With the ground thus cleared, Sartre is able to present his central, radical thesis concerning emotion, which effectively breaks with two thousand years of philosophical psychology by disposing of the entrenched assumption that emotion is opposed to free choice. Emotion is, Sartre maintains, ‘a transformation of the world’ undertaken in the face of some requirement of action that the world imposes on us or the perceived difficulty which it presents in relation to some project of ours. By means of this transformation ‘we try to change the world; that is, to live in it as though the relations between things and their potentialities were governed not by deterministic processes but by magic’. The transformation, freely initiated at the pre-reflective level, is directed at the qualities and relations of objects, which are reconfigured in such a way as to eliminate dissonance from our relation to the world: in one way or another we are relieved of the burden of action, by dint of extinguishing the worldly source of the problematic practical demand. In the most basic case: the grapes that we cannot reach come to look ‘too green’. In the more complex case of melancholy: the oppressive world at large is reduced to an ‘affectively neutral reality, a system in total affective equilibrium’. Though our reconfiguration of the world bears only on the phenomenological qualities by virtue of which objects index possibilities and necessities of action, and does not touch the objective relations in which they stand, emotional transformation of the world nonetheless issues in belief: ‘The qualities conferred upon objects are taken as true qualities.’

• From The Decameron (1353)

  The maid, thinking she had fared well for the first venue, betook herself, as quickliest she might, to the prison, where Ruggieri lay and coaxed the gaoler to let her speak with the prisoner, whom after she had instructed what answers he should make to the prefect of police, an he would fain escape, she contrived to gain admission to the magistrate himself. The latter, for that she was young and buxom, would fain, ere he would hearken to her, cast his grapnel aboard the good wench, whereof she, to be the better heard, was no whit chary; then, having quitted herself of the grinding due,[259] 'Sir,' said she, 'you have here Ruggieri da Jeroli taken for a thief; but the truth is not so.' Then, beginning from the beginning, she told him the whole story; how she, being his mistress, had brought him into the physician's house and had given him the drugged water to drink, unknowing what it was, and how she had put him for dead into the chest; after which she told him the talk she had heard between the master carpenter and the owner of the chest, showing him thereby how Ruggieri had come into the money-lenders' house. [Footnote 259: Or "having risen from the grinding" (_levatasi dal macinio_).] The magistrate, seeing it an easy thing to come at the truth of the matter, first questioned the physician if it were true of the water and found that it was as she had said; whereupon he let summon the carpenter and him to whom the chest belonged and the two money-lenders and after much parley, found that the latter had stolen the chest overnight and put it in their house. Ultimately he sent for Ruggieri and questioned him where he had lain that night, whereto he replied that where he had lain he knew not; he remembered indeed having gone to pass the night with Master Mazzeo's maid, in whose chamber he had drunken water for a sore thirst he had; but what became of him after he knew not, save that, when he awoke, he found himself in the money-lenders' house in a chest. The prefect, hearing these things and taking great pleasure therein, caused the maid and Ruggieri and the carpenter and the money-lenders repeat their story again and again; and in the end, seeing Ruggieri to be innocent, he released him and amerced the money-lenders in half a score ounces for that they had stolen the chest. How welcome this was to Ruggieri, none need ask, and it was beyond measure pleasing to his mistress, who together with her lover and the precious maid, who had proposed to give him the slashes with the knife, many a time after laughed and made merry of the matter, still continuing their loves and their disport from good to better; the which I would well might so betide myself, save always the being put in the chest." * * * * *

• From The Story of My Experiments with Truth (An Autobiography) (1927)

  conscious of the fact that a person, holding, in the public life of India, a position such as I do, has to be most careful in setting an example. It is my firm belief that in the complex constitution under which we are living, the only safe and honourable course for a self- respecting man is, in the circumstances such as face me, to do what I have decided to do, that is, to submit without protest to the penalty of disobedience. ‘I venture to make this statement not in any way in extenuation of the penalty to be awarded against me, but to show that I have disregarded the order served upon me not for want of respect for lawful authority, but in obedience to the higher law of our being, the voice of conscience.’ There was now no occasion to postpone the hearing, but as both the Magistrate and the Government pleader had been taken by surprise, the Migistrate postponed judgment. Meanwhile I had wired full details to the Viceroy, to Patna friends, as also to Pandit Madan Mohan Malaviya and others. Before I could appear before the Court to receive the sentence, the Magistrate sent a written message that the Lieutenant Governor had ordered the case against me to be withdrawn, and the Collector wrote to me saying that I was at liberty to conduct the proposed inquiry, and that I might at liberty to conduct the proposed inquiry, and that I might count on whatever help I needed from the officials. None of us was prepared for this prompt and happy issue. I called on the Collector Mr. Heycock. He seemed to be a good man, anxious to do justice. He told me that I might ask for whatever papers I desired to see, and that I was at liberty to see him whenever I liked. The country thus had its first direct object-lesson in Civil Disobedience. The

• From Macho Sluts (1988)

  I never did get a clear description of what “good” feminist sex would look like, by the way, and am still waiting for that information. The success of this pamphlet led us to believe that there was a market for a book. So we formed an editorial committee, which I was specifically told I could not be on, and members loaned the group small amounts of money, which eventually amounted to enough for a first printing. By that time, I was exhausted from trying to finish my bachelor’s degree while being an activist whose own community objected to virtually everything I did. So I was happy to have somebody else put the book together, but I did contribute one of my own short stories, and was quite surprised when it was accepted, but not at all surprised when large sections of it focusing on a bisexual female character were censored. Unfortunately, Samois fell apart a few months after Coming to Power hit the streets and rapidly sold out. Our book was a success, but we couldn’t seem to work with one another amicably enough to do a second printing. Being new to the business of publishing, we hadn’t even budgeted money for distribution, so there was no surplus cash to do a second printing once we paid back the loans. My eulogy for Samois was to make sure the book got a second life with Alyson Publications. I thought it was fittingly ironic that its champion was a gay man, Sasha Alyson, who was incensed about Coming to Power being censored by women’s and even gay bookstores. He took the project on for that reason alone, not expecting to make a dime, and was pleasantly surprised when the book became one of his bestsellers. Despite the anti-porn movement’s censorious rhetoric, women wanted erotica that accurately depicted their sexuality, challenged their imaginations, and made them think. They wanted sexy, sweaty, dirty lesbian fiction written by other lesbians. I would have been insane to stick around if horizontal hostility and backstabbing were the only things that went on in Samois. Anybody who was in a women’s group during that time has a similar story about that group’s dynamic. This may be hard to understand now, but it was very difficult for women to learn how to work with other women. We had been kept apart for so long, conditioned to compete with one another, to never trust one another, to put men ahead of the women in our lives. No matter how irksome collective process was, I give us credit for believing in equality and searching for just ways to relate to one another. The women’s movement made a big dent in those ingrained habits, but I think women are still learning how to bond with, mentor, and really help one another. The dykes in Samois had other challenges as well.

• From The Decameron (1353)

  As for the lady, as soon as she knew him gone forth of the chamber, she arose and locked the door from within, whilst Anichino, (who had had the greatest fright he had ever known and had enforced himself as most he might to escape from the lady's hands, cursing her and her love and himself who had trusted in her an hundred thousand times,) seeing this that she had done in the end, was the joyfullest man that was aye. Then, she having returned to bed, he, at her bidding, put off his clothes and coming to bed to her, they took delight and pleasure together a pretty while; after which, herseeming he should not abide longer, she caused him arise and dress himself and said to him, 'Sweetheart, do thou take a stout cudgel and get thee to the garden and there, feigning to have solicited me to try me, rate Egano, as he were I, and ring me a good peal of bells on his back with the cudgel, for that thereof will ensue to us marvellous pleasance and delight.' Anichino accordingly repaired to the garden, with a sallow-stick in his hand, and Egano, seeing him draw near the pine, rose up and came to meet him, as he would receive him with the utmost joy; whereupon quoth Anichino, 'Ah, wicked woman, art thou then come hither, and thinkest thou I would do my lord such a wrong? A thousand times ill come to thee!' Then, raising the cudgel, he began to lay on to him.

• From The Story of My Experiments with Truth (An Autobiography) (1927)

  finally decided to adhere to the experiment in so far as the motive behind was chiefly religious, and to yield to the doctor’s advice where the motive was mixed. Religious considerations had been predominant in the giving up of milk. I had before me a picture of the wicked processes the govals in Calcutta adopted to extract the last drop of milk from their cows and buffaloes. I also had the feeling that, just as meat was not man’s food, even so animal’s milk could not be man’s food. So I got up in the morning with the determination to adhere to my resolve to abstain from milk. This greatly relieved me. I dreaded to approach Gokhale, but I trusted him to respect my decision. In the evening Kallenbach and I called on Gokhale at the National Liberal Club. The first question he asked me was: ‘Well, have you decided to accept the doctor’s advice?’ I gently but firmly replied: ‘I am willing to yield on all points except one about which I beg you not to press me. I will not take milk, milk-products or meat. If not to take these things should mean my death, I feel I had better face it.’ ‘Is this your final decision?’ asked Gokhlae. ‘I am afraid I cannot decide otherwise,’ said I. ‘I know that my decision will pain you, but I beg your forgiveness.’ With a certain amount of pain but with deep affection, Gokhale said: ‘I do not approve of your decision. I do not see any religion in it. But I won’t press you any more.’ With these words he turned to Dr. Jivraj Mehta and said: ‘Please don’t worry him any more. Prescribe anything you like within the limit he has set for himself.’ The doctor expressed dissent, but was helpless. He advised me to take mung soup., with a dash of asafoetida in it. To this I agreed. I took it for a day or two, but it increased my pain. As I did not find it suitable, I went back to fruits and nuts. The doctor of course went on with his external treatment. The latter somewhat relieved my pain, but my restrictions were to him a sore handicap. Meanwhile Gokhale left for home, as he could not stand the October fogs of London. 121.

• From The Incendiaries (2018)

  It could have been nothing at all: a flock of black-pinioned birds, flicking mid-flight, like a ponytail. The feathers shredding trapezoids of blue into the trick lines of a girl’s dress. Less than a mile from the clinic, he’d have had the attacks in mind. I let Fitz persist, talking, until she admitted they’d failed to find the alleged suicide’s body. Based on evidence I can’t disclose, she said, the bureau has concluded the man did, in fact, see Phoebe fall from a bridge. She sent you a note we had to intercept: I can’t give it to you, but I’ll make sure its contents are passed along. I have to go, I said. I switched off my phone; I laughed until I couldn’t breathe. That evening, I received an email from Fitz, the note digitized, then attached. I watched from the roof while God’s hand flattened the killing mill. I thought I’d see the face of God and live. Will, I’ve since learned that it’s possible to love life without loving mine. – I left the house; I drove around. I returned to the church, then again to his house. But I found no sign of him. I passed the light-glossed billboards. In this hot, sun-blanched limbo, I circled back and forth between his house and church until I fell asleep in the front seat. The next morning, the church parking lot sparkled with cars, packed in lines, like sheaved fish. I’d arrived in the middle of a service. I found a stall in front of the church, with a woman sitting behind the table. She smiled as I walked up, but when I asked if Reverend Lin was preaching, she said no. Is he leading services this week? No. When will he be here? He is having break, she said. I went to the airport. The flight I’d scheduled would have taken me straight back to Noxhurst, so I changed the ticket, routing it through San Francisco. I waited to call until I was on my mother’s front stoop. The phone rang from behind the fence. When I said where I was, she rushed out, still in gloves. She wiped her eyes, brushing soil on pale skin. I tried to lighten the mood: I asked if she was in the habit of gardening with a phone in hand. Oh, this, she said. I can’t hear the phone ring from the yard, and I don’t like to miss it when you call. What a surprise. I’m so glad. Let’s go inside. – But do I have it wrong, Phoebe: did you act in faith, not doubt, the clinic bomb a tribute to the God you loved?

• From Amplified Holy Bible (2015)

  15 ‘[In the celebration of the Passover in future years,] seven days you shall eat unleavened bread, but on the first day you shall remove the d leaven from your houses [because it represents the spread of sin]; for whoever eats leavened bread on the first day through the seventh day, that person shall be cut off and excluded from [the atonement made for] Israel. 16 ‘On the first day [of the feast] you shall have a holy and solemn assembly, and on the seventh day there shall be another holy and solemn assembly; no work of any kind shall be done on those days, except for the preparation of food which every person must eat—only that may be done by you. 17 ‘You shall also observe the Feast of Unleavened Bread, because on this very day I brought your hosts [grouped according to tribal armies] out of the land of Egypt; therefore you shall observe this day throughout your generations as an ordinance forever. 18 ‘In the first month, on the fourteenth day of the month at evening, you shall eat unleavened bread, [and continue] until the twenty-first day of the month at evening. 19 ‘Seven days no leaven shall be found in your houses; whoever eats what is leavened shall be cut off and excluded from [the atonement made for] the congregation of Israel, whether a stranger or native-born. [1 Cor 5:6–8 ] 20 ‘You shall eat nothing leavened; in all your dwellings you shall eat unleavened bread.’ ” 21 Then Moses called for all the elders of Israel and said to them, “Go and take a lamb for yourselves according to [the size of] your families and slaughter the Passover lamb . 22 “You shall take a bunch of e hyssop, dip it in the blood which is in the basin, and touch some of the blood to the lintel [above the doorway] and to the two doorposts; and none of you shall go outside the door of his house until morning. A Memorial of Redemption 23 “For the LORD will pass through to strike the Egyptians; and when He sees the blood on the lintel [above the entry way] and on the two doorposts, the LORD will pass over the door and will not allow f the destroyer to come into your houses to slay you. 24 “You shall observe this event [concerning Passover] as an ordinance for you and for your children forever. 25 “When you enter the land which the LORD will give you, as He has promised, you shall keep and observe this service. 26 “When your children say to you, ‘What does this service mean to you?’ 27 you shall say, ‘It is the sacrifice of the LORD ’s Passover, for He passed over the houses of the Israelites in Egypt when He struck the Egyptians, but spared our houses.’ ” And the people bowed [their heads] low and worshiped [God].

• From Amplified Holy Bible (2015)

  30 ‘The survivors who remain of the house of Judah will again take root downward and bear fruit upward. 31 ‘For a remnant will go forth from Jerusalem, and [a band of] survivors from Mount Zion. The zeal of the LORD of hosts shall perform this. 32 ‘Therefore thus says the LORD concerning the king of Assyria: “He will not come to this city [Jerusalem] nor shoot an arrow there; nor will he come before it with a shield nor throw up a siege ramp against it. 33 “By the way that he came, by the same way he will return, and he will not come into this city,” ’ declares the LORD . 34 ‘For I will protect this city to save it, for My own sake and for My servant David’s sake.’ ” 35 Then it came to pass that night, that the c angel of the LORD went forth and struck down 185,000 [men] in the camp of the Assyrians; when the survivors got up early in the morning, behold, all [185,000] of them were dead. 36 So Sennacherib king of Assyria d left and returned home, and lived at e Nineveh. 37 It came about as he was worshiping in the house of Nisroch his god, that his sons Adrammelech and Sharezer killed him with a sword; and they escaped to the land of Ararat. And Esarhaddon his son became king in his place. 2 Kings 20 Hezekiah’s Illness and Recovery 1 I N THOSE days [when Sennacherib first invaded Judah] Hezekiah became deathly ill. The prophet Isaiah the son of Amoz came and said to him, “Thus says the LORD , ‘Set your house in order, for you shall die and not recover.’ ” [2 Chr 32:24–26 ; Is 38:1–8 ] 2 Then Hezekiah turned his face to the wall and prayed to the LORD , saying, 3 “Please, O LORD , remember now [with compassion] how I have walked before You in faithfulness and truth and with a whole heart [entirely devoted to You], and have done what is good in Your sight.” And Hezekiah wept bitterly. 4 Before Isaiah had gone out of the middle courtyard, the word of the LORD came to him, saying, 5 “Go back and tell Hezekiah the leader of My people, ‘Thus says the LORD , the God of David your father (ancestor): “I have heard your prayer, I have seen your tears. Behold, I am healing you; on the third day you shall go up to the house of the LORD . 6 “I will add fifteen years to your life and save you and this city [Jerusalem] from the hand of the king of Assyria; and I will protect this city for My own sake and for My servant David’s sake.” ’ ” 7 Then Isaiah said, “Bring a cake of figs.

• From Amplified Holy Bible (2015)

  39 When day came, they did not recognize the land, but they noticed a bay with a beach, and they decided to run the ship ashore there if they could. 40 So they cut the cables and severed the anchors and left them in the sea while at the same time i unlashing the ropes of the rudders; and after hoisting the foresail to the wind, they headed steadily for the beach. 41 But striking a j reef with waves breaking in on either side, they ran the ship aground. The prow (forward point) stuck fast and remained immovable, while the stern began to break up under the [violent] force of the waves . 42 The soldiers’ plan was to kill the prisoners, so that none of them would dive overboard and swim [to land] and escape; 43 but the centurion, wanting to save Paul, kept them from [carrying out] their plan. He commanded those who could swim to jump overboard first and get to the shore; 44 and [he commanded] the rest to follow , some on [floating] planks, and others on various things from the ship. And so it was that all of them were brought safely to land. Acts 28 Safe at Malta 1 A fter we were safe [on land], we found out that the island was called a Malta. 2 And the b natives showed us extraordinary kindness and hospitality; for they kindled a fire and welcomed us all, since it had begun to rain and was cold. 3 But when Paul had gathered a bundle of sticks and laid them on the fire, a c viper crawled out because of the heat and fastened itself on his hand. 4 When the natives saw the creature hanging from his hand, they began saying to one another, “Undoubtedly this man is a murderer, and though he has been saved from the sea, Justice [the avenging goddess] has not permitted him to live.” 5 Then Paul [simply] shook the creature off into the fire and suffered no ill effects. 6 But they stood watching and expecting him to swell up or suddenly drop dead. But after they had waited a long time and had seen nothing unusual happen to him, they changed their minds and began saying that he was a god. 7 In the vicinity of that place there were estates belonging to the leading man of the island, named Publius, who welcomed and entertained us hospitably for three days. 8 And it happened that the father of Publius was sick [in bed] with recurring attacks of fever and dysentery; and Paul went to him, and after he had prayed, he laid his hands on him and healed him. 9 After this occurred, the rest of the people on the island who had diseases were coming to him and being healed.

• From Amplified Holy Bible (2015)

  7 But b the Angel of the LORD found her by a spring of water in the wilderness, on the road to [Egypt by way of] Shur. 8 And He said, “Hagar, Sarai’s maid, where did you come from and where are you going?” And she said, “I am running away from my mistress Sarai.” 9 The Angel of the LORD said to her, “Go back to your mistress, and submit c humbly to her authority.” 10 Then the Angel of the LORD said to her, “I will greatly multiply your descendants so that they will be too many to count.” 11 The Angel of the LORD continued, “Behold, you are with child, And you will bear a son; And you shall name him Ishmael (God hears), Because the LORD has heard and paid attention to your persecution (suffering). 12 “He (Ishmael) will be a wild donkey of a man; His hand will be against every man [continually fighting] And every man’s hand against him; And he will dwell in defiance of all his brothers.” 13 Then she called the name of the LORD who spoke to her, “You are d God Who Sees”; for she said, “Have I not even here [in the wilderness] remained alive after e seeing Him [who sees me with understanding and compassion]?” 14 Therefore the well was called Beer-lahai-roi (Well of the Living One Who Sees Me); it is f between Kadesh and Bered. 15 So Hagar gave birth to Abram’s son; and Abram named his son, to whom Hagar gave birth, g Ishmael (God hears). 16 Abram was eighty-six years old when Hagar gave birth to Ishmael. Genesis 17 Abraham and the Covenant of Circumcision 1 W HEN ABRAM was ninety-nine years old, the a LORD appeared to him and said, “I am b God Almighty; Walk [habitually] before Me [with integrity, knowing that you are always in My presence], and be blameless and complete [in obedience to Me]. 2 “I will establish My covenant (everlasting promise) between Me and you, And I will multiply you exceedingly [through your descendants].” 3 Then Abram fell on his face [in worship], and God spoke with him, saying, 4 “As for Me, behold, My covenant is with you, And [as a result] you shall be the father of many nations. 5 “No longer shall your name be Abram (exalted father), But your name shall be Abraham (father of a multitude); For I will make you the father of many nations. 6 “I will make you exceedingly fruitful, and I will make nations of you, and c kings will come from you. 7 “I will establish My covenant between Me and you and your descendants after you throughout their generations for an everlasting covenant, to be God to you and to your descendants after you.

• From Amplified Holy Bible (2015)

  13 Then a survivor who had escaped [from the invading forces on the other side of the Jordan] came and told Abram the b Hebrew. Now he was living by the terebinths (oaks) of Mamre the Amorite, brother of Eshcol and brother of Aner—they were allies of Abram. 14 When Abram heard that his nephew [Lot] had been captured, he armed and led out his trained men, born in his own house, [numbering] three hundred and eighteen, and went in pursuit as far [north] as Dan. 15 He divided his forces against them by night, he and his servants, and attacked and defeated them, and pursued them as far as Hobah, which is north of Damascus. 16 And he brought back all the goods, and also brought back his nephew Lot and his possessions, and also the women, and the people. Abram and Melchizedek 17 Then after Abram’s return from the defeat (slaughter) of Chedorlaomer and the kings who were with him, the king of Sodom went out to meet him at the Valley of Shaveh (that is, the King’s Valley). 18 c Melchizedek king of Salem (ancient Jerusalem) brought out bread and wine [for them]; he was the priest of d God Most High. 19 And Melchizedek blessed Abram and said, “Blessed (joyful, favored) be Abram by God Most High, Creator and Possessor of heaven and earth; 20 And blessed, praised, and glorified be God Most High, Who has given your enemies into your hand.” And Abram gave him a tenth of all [the treasure he had taken in battle].

• From Amplified Holy Bible (2015)

  [Prov 21:9 ] 25 Like cold water to a thirsty soul, So is good news from a distant land. 26 Like a muddied fountain and a polluted spring Is a righteous man who yields and compromises his integrity before the wicked. 27 It is not good to eat much honey, Nor is it glorious to seek one’s own glory. 28 Like a city that is broken down and without walls [leaving it unprotected] Is a man who has no self-control over his spirit [and sets himself up for trouble]. [Prov 16:32 ] Proverbs 26 Similitudes, Instructions 1 L IKE SNOW in summer and like rain in harvest, So honor is not fitting for a [shortsighted] a fool. [Is 32:6 ] 2 Like the sparrow in her wandering, like the swallow in her flying, So the curse without cause does not come and alight [on the undeserving]. [Num 23:8 ] 3 A whip for the horse, a bridle for the donkey, And a rod for the backs of fools [who refuse to learn]. 4 Do not answer [nor pretend to agree with the frivolous comments of] a [closed-minded] fool according to his folly, Otherwise you, even you, will be like him. 5 Answer [and correct the erroneous concepts of] a fool according to his folly, Otherwise he will be wise in his own eyes [if he thinks you agree with him]. [Matt 16:1–4 ; 21:24–27 ] 6 He who sends a message by the hand of a fool Cuts off his own feet (sabotages himself) and drinks the violence [it brings on himself as a consequence]. [Prov 13:17 ] 7 Like the legs which are useless to the lame, So is a proverb in the mouth of a fool [who cannot learn from its wisdom]. 8 Like one who [absurdly] binds a stone in a sling [making it impossible to throw], So is he who [absurdly] gives honor to a fool. 9 Like a thorn that goes [without being felt] into the hand of a drunken man, So is a proverb in the mouth of a fool [who remains unaffected by its wisdom]. 10 Like a [careless] archer who [shoots arrows wildly and] wounds everyone, So is he who hires a fool or those who [by chance just] pass by. 11 Like a dog that returns to his vomit Is a fool who repeats his foolishness. 12 Do you see a man [who is unteachable and] wise in his own eyes and full of self-conceit? There is more hope for a fool than for him. [Prov 29:20 ; Luke 18:11 ; Rom 12:16 ; Rev 3:17 ] 13 The lazy person [who is self-indulgent and relies on lame excuses] says, “There is a lion in the road! A lion is in the open square [and if I go outside to work I will be killed]!” [Prov 22:13 ] 14 As the door turns on its hinges, So does the lazy person on his bed [never getting out of it].