Pride

Passages

Every passage tagged with this emotion in the Vela corpus. Search the body text, narrow by source or register, click through to a book’s profile to see how the passage sits with the rest of the work.

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• From My Life and Loves, Vol. 1 (of 4) (1922)

  “This fight must stop now”, he said loudly, “if another blow is struck or word said, I’ll report the disobedience to the Doctor.” Without a word I went and put on my coat and waistcoat and collar, while his friends of the Sixth escorted Jones to the schoolhouse. I had never had so many friends and admirers in my life as came up to me then to congratulate me and testify to their admiration and goodwill. The whole lower school was on my side, it appeared, and had been from the outset, and one or two of the Sixth, Herbert in especial, came over and praised me warmly: “A great fight”, said Herbert, “and now perhaps we’ll have less bullying: at any rate”, he added humorously, “no one will want to bully you: you’re a pocket professional: where did you learn to box?” I had sense enough to smile and keep my own counsel. Jones didn’t appear in school that night: indeed, for days after he was kept in sick-bay upstairs. The fags and lower school boys brought me all sorts of stories how the doctor had come and said “he feared erysipelas: the bruises were so large and Jones must stay in bed and in the dark!” and a host of other details. One thing was quite clear; my position in the school was radically changed: Stackpole spoke to the Doctor and I got a seat by myself in his class-room and only went to the form-master for special lessons: Stackpole became more than ever my teacher and friend. When Jones first appeared in the school, we met in the Sixth room while waiting for the Doctor to come in. I was talking with Herbert; Jones came in and nodded to me: I went over and held out my hand, “I’m glad you’re all right again!” He shook hands but said nothing. Herbert’s nod and smile showed me I had done right. “Bygones should be bygones”, he said in English fashion. I wrote the whole story to Vernon that night, thanking him, you may be sure, and Raleigh for the training and encouragement they had given me. My whole outlook on life was permanently altered: I was cock-a-hoop and happy. One night I got thinking of E… and for the first time in months practiced Onanism. But next day I felt heavy and resolved that belief or no belief, self-restraint was a good thing for the health. All the next Christmas holidays spent in Rhyl, I tried to get intimate with some girl; but failed. As soon as I tried to touch even their breasts, they drew away. I liked girls fully formed and they all thought, I suppose, that I was too young and too small: if they had only known!

• From The Art of Seduction (2001)

  her as a gallant prince, falling to one knee, taking her hand, and kissing it, application of a little warmth, so that it will take saying, "I plight my troth to the kindest of mistresses." Disraeli pledged that any shape you please. In his work now was to realize Victoria's dreams. He praised her qualities so the same way, by being fulsomely that she blushed; yet strangely enough, she did not find him polite and friendly, you can make people pliable and comical or offensive, but came out of the encounter smiling. Perhaps she obliging, even though they should give this strange man a chance, she thought, and she waited to see are apt to be crabbed and what he would do next. malevolent. Hence Victoria soon began receiving reports from Disraeli—on parliamentary politeness is to human nature what warmth is to debates, policy issues, and so forth—that were unlike anything other minis-wax. ters had written. Addressing her as the "Faery Queen," and giving the — A R T H U R SCHOPENHAUER, monarchy's various enemies all kinds of villainous code names, he filled his COUNSELS AND MAXIMS, notes with gossip. In a note about a new cabinet member, Disraeli wrote, TRANSLATED BY T. BAILEY SAUNDERS "He is more than six feet four inches in stature; like St. Peter's at Rome no one is at first aware of his dimensions. But he has the sagacity of the ele-phant as well as its form." The minister's blithe, informal spirit bordered on Never explain. Never disrespect, but the queen was enchanted. She read his reports voraciously, complain. and almost without her realizing it, her interest in politics was rekindled. — B E N J A M I N DISRAELI At the start of their relationship, Disraeli sent the queen all of his novels as a gift. She in return presented him with the one book she had written, Journal of Our Life in the Highlands. From then on he would toss out in his letters and conversations with her the phrase, "We authors." The queen would beam with pride. She would overhear him praising her to others— her ideas, common sense, and feminine instincts, he said, made her the equal of Elizabeth I. He rarely disagreed with her. At meetings with other ministers, he would suddenly turn and ask her for advice. In 1875, when Disraeli managed to finagle the purchase of the Suez Canal from the debt-ridden khedive of Egypt, he presented his accomplishment to the queen as if it were a realization of her own ideas about expanding the British Empire. She did not realize the cause, but her confidence was growing by leaps and bounds.

• From The Art of Seduction (2001)

  charisma is created consciously and is kept under control. When you need to you can glow with confidence and fervor, inspiring the masses. But when the adventure is over, you can settle into a routine, turning the heat, not out, but down. (Robespierre may have been planning that move, but it came a day too late.) People will admire your self-control and adaptability. Their love affair with you will move closer to the habitual affection of a man and wife. You will even have the leeway to look a little boring, a little simple—a role that can also seem charismatic, if played correctly. Remember: charisma depends on success, and the best way to maintain success, after the initial charismatic rush, is to be practical and even cautious. Mao Zedong was a distant, enigmatic man who for many had an awe-inspiring charisma. He suffered many setbacks that would have spelled the end of a less clever man, but after each reversal he retreated, becoming practical, tol-erant, flexible; at least for a while. This protected him from the dangers of a counterreaction. There is another alternative: to play the armed prophet. According to Machiavelli, although a prophet may acquire power through his charismatic personality, he cannot long survive without the strength to back it up. He needs an army. The masses will tire of him; they will need to be forced. Being an armed prophet may not literally involve arms, but it demands a forceful side to your character, which you can back up with action. Unfortunately this means being merciless with your enemies for as long as you retain power. And no one creates more bitter enemies than the Charismatic. Finally, there is nothing more dangerous than succeeding a Charismatic. These characters are unconventional, and their rule is personal in style, being stamped with the wildness of their personalities. They often leave chaos in their wake. The one who follows after a Charismatic is left with a mess, which the people, however, do not see. They miss their inspirer and blame the successor. Avoid this situation at all costs. If it is unavoidable, do not try to continue what the Charismatic started; go in a new direction. By being practical, trustworthy, and plain-speaking, you can often generate a strange kind of charisma through contrast. That was how Harry Truman not only survived the legacy of Roosevelt but established his own type of charisma. Daily life is harsh, and most of us constantly seek escape from it in fantasies and dreams. Stars feed on this weakness; standing out from others through a distinctive and appeal- ing style, they make us want to watch them. At the same time, they are vague and ethereal, keeping their distance, and letting us imagine more than is there. Their dreamlike quality works on our unconscious; we are not even aware how much we imitate them. Learn to be- come an object of fascination by projecting the glittering but elusive presence of the Star. The Fetishistic Star

• From The Art of Seduction (2001)

  his mind about them without looking weak, particularly if he did so independently rather than while he was in prison. Zhou applied the same philosophy to every situation: play the inferior, unthreatening and humble. What will this matter if in the end you get what you want: time to recover from a civil war, a treaty, the good will of the masses. Time is the greatest weapon you have. Patiently keep in mind a long-term goal and neither person nor army can resist you. And charm is the best way of playing for time, of widening your options in any situation. Through charm you can seduce your enemy into backing off, giving you the psychological space to plot an effective counterstrategy. The key is to make other people emotional while you remain detached. They may feel grateful, happy, moved, arrogant—it doesn't matter, as long as they feel. An emotional person is a distracted person. Give them what they want, appeal to their self-interest, make them feel superior to you. When a baby has grabbed a sharp knife, do not try to grab it back; instead, stay calm, offer candy, and the baby will drop the knife to pick up the tempting morsel you offer. 4. In 1761, Empress Elizabeth of Russia died, and her nephew ascended to the throne as Czar Peter III. Peter had always been a little boy at heart—he played with toy soldiers long past the appropriate age—and now, as czar, he could finally do whatever he pleased and the world be damned. Peter concluded a treaty with Frederick the Great that was highly favorable to the foreign ruler (Peter adored Frederick, and particularly the disciplined way his Prussian soldiers marched). This was a practical debacle, but in matters of emotion and etiquette, Peter was even more offensive: he refused to properly mourn his aunt the empress, resuming his war games and parties a few days after the funeral. What a contrast he was to his wife, Catherine. She was respectful during the funeral, was still wearing black months later, and could be seen at all hours beside Elizabeth's tomb, praying and crying. She was not even Russian, but a German princess who had come east to marry Peter in 1745 without speaking a word of the language. Even the lowest peasant knew that Catherine had converted to the Russian Orthodox Church, and had learned to speak Russian with incredible speed, and beautifully. At heart, they thought, she was more Russian than all of those fops in the court.

• From The Art of Seduction (2001)

  sake will so overwhelm their emo- tions, they won't notice anything else. Never appear discouraged by people's resistance, or complain. Instead, meet the challenge by doing something ex- treme or chivalrous. Conversely, spur others to prove themselves by making yourself hard to reach, unattain- able, worth fighting over. Seductive Evidence Anyone can talk big, say lofty things about their feelings, insist on how much they care for us, and also for all oppressed peoples in the far reaches of the planet. But if they never behave in a way that will back up their words, we begin to doubt their sincerity—perhaps we are dealing with a charlatan, or a hypocrite or a coward. Flattery and fine words can only go so far. A time will eventually arrive when you will have to show your victim some evidence, to match your words with deeds. Love is a species of warfare. Slack troopers, go This kind of evidence has two functions. First, it allays any lingering elsewhere! \ It takes more doubts about you. Second, an action that reveals some positive quality in than cowards to guard \ you is immensely seductive in and of itself. Brave or selfless deeds create a These standards. Night-duty in winter, long-route powerful and positive emotional reaction. Don't worry, your deeds do not marches, every \ Hardship, have to be so brave and selfless that you lose everything in the process. The all forms of suffering: these appearance alone of nobility will often suffice. In fact, in a world where await \ The recruit who expects a soft option. people overanalyze and talk too much, any kind of action has a bracing, se- You'll often be out in \ ductive effect. Cloudbursts, and bivouac It is normal in the course of a seduction to encounter resistance. The on the bare \ Ground. . . . more obstacles you overcome, of course, the greater the pleasure that awaits Is lasting \ Love your ambition? Then put away you, but many a seduction fails because the seducer does not correctly read all pride. \ The simple, the resistances of the target. More often than not, you give up too easily. straightforward way in may First, understand a primary law of seduction: resistance is a sign that the be denied you, \ Doors bolted, shut in your face — other person's emotions are engaged in the process. The only person you \ So be ready to slip down cannot seduce is somebody distant and cold. Resistance is emotional, and from the roof through a can be transformed into its opposite, much as, in jujitsu, the physical resis- lightwell, \ Or sneak in by an upper-floor window.

• From Sex at Dawn (2010)

  We’ve received lots of support from academics and clinicians. We’ve heard from scholars at the Kinsey Institute, professors all over the country who are assigning the book to their students, and we were honored when Sex at Dawn was chosen as the best consumer book of 2010 by the Society for Sex Therapy and Research (SSTAR). DS: I’m so sorry Cacilda couldn’t join you on this trip. What was her role in the book? CR: Cacilda is one of two psychiatrists who run a psychiatric facility with close to a hundred patients. So she’s pretty tied to her day job these days, much as she’d love to participate more in interviews and meet readers. Strangely, a few people have interpreted her non-presence in interviews as evidence that I made her up just to give the book some cover with women readers. Seriously! I’d done a lot of this research before meeting Casi, about ten years ago. Still, what she brought to the book was crucial. First, she’d done her own research into human sexual behavior in rural Mozambique for the World Health Organization in the first years of the AIDS crisis, so she had extensive “real life” understanding of how things work in that part of the world. She grew up in a mixed Muslim/Hindu Indian family in Africa, so she brought a lot of multicultural nuance to the project, and of course, being a medical doctor, she was integral to the discussions of diet, longevity, infant care, and so on. Portuguese is her native language, and English is actually one of six that she speaks. As the native English speaker and professional writer, I did the writing, but she read every draft, again and again, before it went to anyone else. To call her anything other than a coauthor would be inadequate. DS: You’ve lived in Spain for a long time. Have you seen any major differences in the way Americans and Spanish deal with sex?

• From Fear of Flying (1973)

  For every Scheherazade reference, there’s a clitoral one; there is as much talk about existentialism as there is about libidinousness. There is Heathcliff, Hera, the Iliad , an A–Z understanding of Freud (part-objects!), Story of O , Sylvia Plath, Zelda Fitzgerald, Marjorie Morningstar, the conductor Dimitri Mitropoulos. Fear of Flying asks you to keep up with it; it expects you are as smart and educated and horny as it is—as she is. And once that’s established, it becomes the elevated, intellectually rigorous and totally raunchy saga of a woman’s desire; the non-apology of the self-aware Jew just existing; the perplexities of feminism; the constraints of these new, pioneering freedoms; the unabashed demand to be loved and satisfied. At its most basic, Fear of Flying is a trailblazing, historic account of what it meant to grapple with the complexities and contradictions of what women were told they should want and what they actually do want. Any woman alive and reading today is so familiar with this grappling that it doesn’t feel like grappling; it feels like the human condition. It is important to remember that when Erica Jong wrote it down, when she took feminism’s glasses off (and then its slacks, and then its panties), she made this grappling accessible to a mass audience of women who, for the first time, understood that they weren’t alone. To do this now is de rigueur; in my own debut novel, the female characters struggle with this condition but, by the time I wrote it, it wasn’t new; it was just the most recent version (and probably, four years later, no longer is). In fact, my book was so much a tribute that it ends the same way Fear of Flying does: a missing person standing in the doorway, returning home. When my first novel was made into a TV show, the poster the network created to advertise on billboards and cab roofs contained a series of visual signifiers to indicate to an audience the tradition of the story we were telling. Right there in the middle of the poster was Manhattan being opened up by a zipper. It is a reference to Fear of Flying , and, when I saw it, I nearly collapsed, I was so proud. I knew where I came from. — Fear of Flying ’s legacy in our culture is as complicated as its birth was. The book’s movie rights were optioned, but a movie was never made. Erica sued for the rights back and lost. In those two sentences there live a thousand legal documents and just as many hurt feelings. The lawsuit consumed her. Her divorce consumed her. The unprecedented literary fame consumed her. She had sworn she would never write a sequel to Fear of Flying , but her next book was about a woman named Isadora who was suing a producer and movie studio and enduring a divorce amid unprecedented literary fame.

• From The Art of Seduction (2001)

  dressed gentleman invited her home for some cakes. She followed him to his house, where he proceeded to take advantage of her. The next morning this man, a diamond merchant, promised to set her up in a house of her Apparently the possession of own, treat her well, and give her plenty of money. She took the money but humor implies the left him, determined to do what she had always wanted: never see her possession of a number of typical habit-systems. The family again, never depend on anyone, and lead the grand life that her fa-first is an emotional one: the ther had promised her. habit of playfulness. Why With the money the diamond merchant had given her, Emma bought should one be proud of being playful? For a double nice clothes and rented a cheap flat. Adopting the flamboyant name of reason. First, playfulness Cora Pearl, she began to frequent London's Argyll Rooms, a fancy gin connotes childhood and palace where harlots and gentlemen rubbed elbows. The proprietor of the youth. If one can be playful, one still possesses something Argyll, a Mr. Bignell, took note of this newcomer to his establishment— of the vigor and the joy of she was so brazen for a young girl. At forty-five, he was much older young life . . . • But there than she was, but he decided to be her lover and protector, lavishing her is a deeper implication. To with money and attention. The following year he took her to Paris, which be playful is, in a sense, to be free. When a person is was at the height of its Second Empire prosperity. Cora was enthralled by playful, he momentarily Paris, and of all its sights, but what impressed her the most was the parade disregards the binding of rich coaches in the Bois de Boulogne. Here the fashionable came to take necessities which compel him, in business and morals, the air—the empress, the princesses, and, not least the grand courtesans, in domestic and community who had the most opulent carriages of all. This was the way to lead the life. . . . • What galls us is kind of life Cora's father had wanted for her. She promptly told Bignell that that the binding necessities do not permit us to shape when he went back to London, she would stay on alone. our world as we please. . . . Frequenting all the right places, Cora soon came to the attention of What we most deeply wealthy French gentlemen. They would see her walking the streets in a desire, however, is to create bright pink dress, to complement her flaming red hair, pale face, and freck-our world for ourselves.

• From How Emotions Are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain (2017)

  When I was a training therapist, I learned to intentionally synchronize my breathing with my clients’ to prepare them for hypnosis. 47 We likewise synchronize our concepts for emotion. My emotions are guided by my predictions. And as you observe me, the emotions you perceive are guided by your predictions. The sound of my voice and the motions of my body, as they are perceived by your brain, either confirm your predictions or become prediction error for you. Suppose you tell me, “My son got the lead in the school play. I’m so proud.” Your words and actions launch a population of predictions in my brain, helping to coordinate a shared concept of “Pride” between us in the moment. My brain computes probabilities based on past experience and winnows down its predictions to a winning instance, perhaps leading me to say, “Congratulations.” Then the process repeats in the other direction as you perceive me. We’ll be more in sync if we share a cultural background or other past experiences, and if we agree that certain facial configurations, body movements, vocal acoustics, and other cues have certain meanings in certain contexts. Little by little, we co-construct an emotional experience that we both identify with the word “proud.” In this scenario, our concepts don’t need to match exactly for me to understand how you feel; they just must have reasonably compatible goals. On the other hand, if I construct an instance of the unpleasant kind of pride, in which you’re arrogant and dismissive, I might obtusely fail to comprehend what you are saying, because you’ve used a concept that does not match mine in that instance. Note that our mutual construction is a continuous process with both brains in constant activity, even though I’m portraying it here as a simple back-and-forth sequence of events. The co-construction of experience also allows us to regulate each other’s body budgets; this is one of the great benefits that we get from living in groups. All members of a social species regulate each other’s body budgets—even bees, ants, and cockroaches. But we are the only species who can do so by teaching each other purely mental concepts, and then using them in synchrony. Our words allow us to enter each other’s affective niches, even at extremely long distances. You can regulate your friend’s body budget (and he yours) even if you are an ocean apart—by phone or email or even just by thinking about one another.

• From How Emotions Are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain (2017)

  We likewise synchronize our concepts for emotion. My emotions are guided by my predictions. And as you observe me, the emotions you perceive are guided by your predictions. The sound of my voice and the motions of my body, as they are perceived by your brain, either confirm your predictions or become prediction error for you. Suppose you tell me, “My son got the lead in the school play. I’m so proud.” Your words and actions launch a population of predictions in my brain, helping to coordinate a shared concept of “Pride” between us in the moment. My brain computes probabilities based on past experience and winnows down its predictions to a winning instance, perhaps leading me to say, “Congratulations.” Then the process repeats in the other direction as you perceive me. We’ll be more in sync if we share a cultural background or other past experiences, and if we agree that certain facial configurations, body movements, vocal acoustics, and other cues have certain meanings in certain contexts. Little by little, we co-construct an emotional experience that we both identify with the word “proud.” In this scenario, our concepts don’t need to match exactly for me to understand how you feel; they just must have reasonably compatible goals. On the other hand, if I construct an instance of the unpleasant kind of pride, in which you’re arrogant and dismissive, I might obtusely fail to comprehend what you are saying, because you’ve used a concept that does not match mine in that instance. Note that our mutual construction is a continuous process with both brains in constant activity, even though I’m portraying it here as a simple back-and-forth sequence of events. The co-construction of experience also allows us to regulate each other’s body budgets; this is one of the great benefits that we get from living in groups. All members of a social species regulate each other’s body budgets—even bees, ants, and cockroaches. But we are the only species who can do so by teaching each other purely mental concepts, and then using them in synchrony. Our words allow us to enter each other’s affective niches, even at extremely long distances. You can regulate your friend’s body budget (and he yours) even if you are an ocean apart—by phone or email or even just by thinking about one another.48 Your choice of words has a huge impact on this process, as those words shape other people’s predictions. Parents who ask a child, “Are you upset?” instead of the more general question, “How are you feeling?” are influencing the answer, co-constructing emotion and honing the child’s concepts toward being upset. Doctors who ask a patient, “Are you feeling depressed?” likewise make a positive response more likely than if they’d said, “Tell me how you’ve been.” These are leading questions, the same sort that attorneys utilize (and object to) with witnesses on the stand. In everyday life, as in the courtroom, you need to be mindful of influencing people’s predictions by your words.

• From Sex at Dawn (2010)

  In 1988, Roy Romer, then governor of Colorado, faced a feeding-frenzy of questions about his long-running extramarital affair that had become publicly known. Romer did what few public figures have dared. In the spirit of the Yucatán, he refused to accept the premise underlying the intrusive questions: that his extramarital relationship was a betrayal of his wife and family. Instead, he called an extraordinary press conference where he pointed out that his wife of forty-five years had known about and accepted the relationship all along. Romer confronted the tittering reporters with “life as it really happens.” “What is fidelity?” he asked the suddenly silent gaggle of reporters. “Fidelity is what kind of openness you have. What kind of trust you have, which is based on truth and openness. And so, in my own family, we’ve discussed that at some length and we’ve tried to arrive at an understanding of what our feelings are, what our needs are, and work it out with that kind of fidelity.”21 The Marriage of the Sun and the Moon In a sky swarming with uncountable stars, clouds endlessly flowing, and planets wandering, always and forever there has been just one moon and one sun. To our ancestors, these two mysterious bodies reflected the female and the male essences. From Iceland to Tierra del Fuego, people attributed the Sun’s constancy and power to his masculinity; the Moon’s changeability, unspeakable beauty, and monthly cycles were signs of her femininity. To human eyes turned toward the sky 100,000 years ago, they appeared identical in size, as they do to our eyes today. In a total solar eclipse, the disc of the moon fits so precisely over that of the sun that the naked eye can see solar flares leaping into space from behind. But while they appear precisely the same size to terrestrial observers, scientists long ago determined that the true diameter of the sun is about four hundred times that of the moon. Yet incredibly, the sun’s distance from Earth is roughly four hundred times that of the moon’s, thus bringing them into unlikely balance when viewed from the only planet with anyone around to notice.22 Some will say, “Interesting coincidence.” Others will wonder whether there isn’t an extraordinary message contained in this celestial convergence of difference and similarity, intimacy and distance, rhythmic constancy and cyclical change. Like our distant ancestors, we watch the eternal dance of our sun and our moon, looking for clues to the nature of man and woman, masculine and feminine here at home. Luc Viatour/www.lucnix.be AUTHORS’ NOTE

• From The Art of Seduction (2001)

  cerns our pride to goad him on; the more respect he has for ART AND PRACTICE OF ARAB our resistance, the more respect we demand of him. We L O V E , T R A N S L A T E D B Y A . J . ARBERRY would willingly say to you men: "Ah, in pity's name do not suppose us to be so very virtuous; you are forcing us to have too much of it." I knew once two great — N I N O N DE L'ENCLOS lords, brothers, both of them highly bred and highly accomplished Keys to Seduction gentlemen which did love two ladies, but the one of these was of much higher Think of seduction as a world you enter, a world that is separate and quality and more account than the other in all distinct from the real world. The rules are different here; what works respects. Now being entered in daily life can have the opposite effect in seduction. The real world fea- both into the chamber of 410 • The Art of Seduction this great lady, who for the tures a democratizing, leveling impulse, in which everything has to seem at time being was keeping her least something like equal. An overt imbalance of power, an overt desire for bed, each did withdraw power, will stir envy and resentment; we learn to be kind and polite, at least apart for to entertain his mistress. The one did on the surface. Even those who have power generally try to act humble and converse with the high-born modest—they do not want to offend. In seduction, on the other hand, you dame with every possible can throw all of that out, revel in your dark side, inflict a little pain—in respect and humble saluta-tion and kissing of hands, some ways be more yourself. Your naturalness in this respect will prove se-with words of honor and ductive in itself. The problem is that after years of living in the real world, stately compliment, without we lose the ability to be ourselves. We become timid, humble, overpolite. making ever an attempt to Your task is to regain some of your childhood qualities, to root out all this come near and try to force the place. The other brother, false humility. And the most important quality to recapture is boldness. without any ceremony of No one is born timid; timidity is a protection we develop. If we never words or fine phrases, did stick our necks out, if we never try, we will never have to suffer the conse-take his fair one to a recessed window, and quences of failure or success. If we are kind and unobtrusive, no one will incontinently making free be offended—in fact we will seem saintly and likable. In truth, timid peo-with her (for he was very ple are often self-absorbed, obsessed with the way people see them, and not strong), he did soon show

• From The Art of Seduction (2001)

  tance of an opponent can be used to make him fall. If people resist you be- She'll be glad \ To know cause they don't trust you, an apparently selfless deed, showing how far you you 're risking your neck, are willing to go to prove yourself, is a powerful remedy. If they resist be- and for her sake: that will offer \ Any mistress sure cause they are virtuous, or because they are loyal to someone else, all the proof of your love. better—virtue and repressed desire are easily overcome by action. As the — O V I D , T H E A R T O F L O V E , great seductress Natalie Barney once wrote, "Most virtue is a demand for TRANSLATED BY PETER GREEN greater seduction." There are two ways to prove yourself. First, the spontaneous action: a situation arises in which the target needs help, a problem needs solving, or, The man says: " . . . A simply, he or she needs a favor. You cannot foresee these situations, but you fruit picked from one's own must be ready for them, for they can spring up at any time. Impress the tar- orchard ought to taste sweeter than one obtained get by going further than really necessary—sacrificing more money, more from a stranger's tree, and time, more effort than they had expected. Your target will often use these what has been attained by 323 324 • The Art of Seduction greater effort is cherished moments, or even manufacture them, as a kind of test: will you retreat? Or more dearly than what is will you rise to the occasion? You cannot hesitate or flinch, even for a mo-gained with little trouble. As the proverb says: ment, or all is lost. If necessary, make the deed seem to have cost you more 'Prizes great cannot be than it has, never with words, but indirectly—exhausted looks, reports won unless some heavy spread through a third party, whatever it takes. labor's done.'" • The The second way to prove yourself is the brave deed that you plan and woman says: "If no great prizes can be won unless execute in advance, on your own and at the right moment—preferably some heavy labor's done, some way into the seduction, when any doubts the victim still has about you must suffer the you are more dangerous than earlier on. Choose a dramatic, difficult action exhaustion of many toils to be able to attain the favors that reveals the painful time and effort involved. Danger can be extremely you seek, since what you seductive. Cleverly lead your victim into a crisis, a moment of danger, or ask for is a greater prize." indirectly put them in an uncomfortable position, and you can play the res- • The man says: "I give you all the thanks that I cuer, the gallant knight. The powerful feelings and emotions this elicits can can express for so sagely

• From Querelle (1953)

  "It is, too. But only if I have your word that you won't mention me." Mario gave his word. Already he had abandoned his precautions, forgotten the plan to effect a mystical reconciliation with the underworld : he could not resist the chance to act as a policeman. He decided not to interrogate Querelle about the source of his information or about its reliability. He trusted the sailor. Very rapidly they decided what measures had to be taken to keep Querelle's name out of it forever. "Get that kid of vour .I s on his track. But see that he doesn't suspect anything." One hour later wlario gave Dede orders to go to the railroad station and keep a watch on all departing trains. He was to notify Police Headquarters as soon as he caugh t sight of Turko. He sold GiL By that act Dede detached himself from the world of his fellow beings. That was the beginning of his ascension, the meaning of which the reader has already been informed about. On board Le Vengeur Quereiie went on serving the officer, but the latter seemed to despise him, and this caused Querelle some degree of pain. Having been the target of armed aggression, the Lieutenant felt proud enough to develop a taste for adventure. In his diary we find the following statement: I feel in no way inferior to this young and marvelous hoodlum. I resisted. I was ready to die. 258 I JEAN GENET 0 0 0 To reward him for his assistance in Gil's arrest, the Police Commissioner entrusted him with special, almost official, assignments. It became his task to watch for youthful shoplifters, sailors and soldiers, in the Monoprix department store. As Dede rode the escalator, putting on his yellow leather gloves, he had the feeling of truly being "on his way up." He was an agent now. Everything was there to carry, to transport him. He was sure of himself. Getting off at the summit of his apotheosis, the store Boor on which he was to begin his new career, he knew that he had arrived. He had his gloves on, the floor was horizontal, Dede was master of his domain, free to be either magnanimous or a swine.

• From Querelle (1953)

  Nevertheless, he felt sad, and mean. He was not wearing that habitual smile. The fog dampened his nostrils, refreshed his eyelids and his chin. He was walking straight ahead, punching his weighty body through the softness of the fog. The greater the distance he put between himself and La Feria, the more he fortified himself with all the might of the police force, believing himself to be under their friendly protection now, and endowing the idea of "police" with the muscular strength of Nona, and with Mario's good looks. This had been his first encounter with a police officer. So he had met a cop, at last. He had walked up to him. He had shaken hands with him. He had just signed an agreement that would protect both of them against treachery. He had not found his brother there, but instead of him those two monsters of certainty, those two big shots. Nevertheless, while gaining strength from the might of the Police as he drew away from La Feria, he did not for one moment cease to be a sailor. Quere11e, in some obscure way, knew that he was coming close to his own point of perfection: clad in his blue garb, cloaked in its prestige, he was no longer a simple murderer, but a seducer as well. He proceeded down the Rue de Siam with giant strides. The fog was chilling. Increasingly the forms of Mario and Nono merged and insti11ed in him a feeling of submission, and of pride-for deep down the sailor in him strongly opposed the policeman: and so he fortified himself with the full might of the Fighting Navy, as well. Appearing to be running after his own form, ever about to overtake it, yet in pursuit, he walked on fast, sure of himself, with a firm stride. His body armed itself with cannon, with a hull of steel, with torpedoes, with a crew who were agile and strong, bellicose and precise. Querelle became "Le Querelle," a giant destroyer, warlord of the seas, an �ntelligent and invincible mass of metal. "Watch your step, you assholel" His voice cut through the fog like a siren in the Baltic. "But it was you who . . " . 33 I QUERELLE Suddenly the young man, polite, buffeted, thrown aside by the wake of Querelle's impassive shoulder, realized that he was being insulted. He said : "At least you could be civil about itl Or open your eyesl" If he meant "Keep your eyes open," for Querelle the message was "Light up the course, use your running light." He spun around : "What about my lights?""

• From Querelle (1953)

  The happiness of clasping in my arms a body so beautiful, even though it is huge and strong! Huger and stronger than mine. lS I QUERELLE 0 0 0 Reverie. Is this him? ''He'' goes ashore every night. When he comes back, "His" bell-bottom pants-which are wide, and cover his shoes, contrary to regulations-look bespattered, perhaps with jism mixed with the dust of the streets he has been sweeping with their frayed bottoms. His pants, they're the dirtiest sailor's pants fve ever seen. Were I to demand an explanation from "Him," "He" would smile as he chucked his beret behind him: "That, that's just from all the suckers going down on me. While they're giving me a blowjob, they come all over my jeans. That's just their spunk. That's all." "He" would appear to be very proud of it. "He" wears those stains with a glorious impudence: they are his medals. 'While it is the least elegant of the brothels in Brest, where no men of the Battle Fleet ever go to give it a little of their grace and freshness, La Feria certainly is the most renowned. It is a solemn gold and purple cave providing for the colonials, the boys of the Merchant Navy and the tramp steamers, and the longshoremen. 'Whereas the sailors visit to have a "piece" or a "short time,'' the dock workers and others say: ''Let's go shoot our wads." At night, La Feria also provides the imagination with .the thrills of scintillating criminality. One may always suspect three or four hoodlums lurking in the fog-shrouded pissoir erected on the sidewalk across the street. Sometimes the front door stands ajar, and from it issue the airs of a player piano, blue strains, serpentines of music unrolling in the dark shadows, curling round the wrists and necks of the workmen who just happen to be walking past. But daylight allows a more detailed view of the dirty, blind, gray and shame-ravaged shack it is. Seen only by the light of its lantern and its lo\vered Venetian blinds, it could well be overflowing with the hot 26 I JEAN GENET

• From Querelle (1953)

  Madame Lysiane did not grant her "boarders" the right to use black lace underwear. She approved of salmon pink, of green, certainly of beige, but she knew herself to be so beautiful in her own black outfit that she couldn't permit those young ladies to adorn themselves in a similar manner. It wasn't so much because the black enhanced the milky whiteness of her skin : what she liked about it was that it gave her undergarments a certain formality and sup·er-frivolity-and we shall see why. She was standing in her room, undressing, very slowly. As if nailed to the floor in front of the mirror by her high heels, undoing her dress which opened on her left side, the line of hasps stretching from her neck to her waist, the gestures of her right hand, quick and rounded, and in that quickness and roundness, in the liveliness of her fingers, perfect expressions of all that was sugar sweet, yet distinguished and catlike about her. It was a kind of dance, of Cambodian grace. Madame Lysiane loved these movements of her arms, the precise angle of her elbows, and was in every way certain of her superiority over the whores. "God, can · they be vulgar I Do you think Regine can be brought to understand that fringe hair-dos are out of fashion? Not on your life! All of them, and there isn't one exception, all of them seem to think that the clients like them when they look like whores. But that's where they're wrong, so wrong." She stared at herself dully, while she talked on. Now and again she cast a glance at Robert's reflection in the mirror. Robert was divesting himself of his clothes. "Darling, are you listening to me?" "Can't you see that I am?" 179 I QUERELLE He was listening. He admired her elegance and the fact that she had such distinction, compared to the common run of chippies, but he was not looking at her. Madame Lysiane let the fur-trimmed dress slide off her body, down to her ankles.

• From Querelle (1953)

  He particularly liked that last expression. It fit in perfectly with his present state of mind. He felt proud of not fearing anything, of standing there, so safe from reprisals, in his goldbraided uniform. Such cowardice is a great force. But only a slight twist is needed for it to turn around to find another adversary, then finding it in the coward himself. The way he punished or maltreated Quere11e without reason was no doubt cowardly, but even while he was committing such acts, he was aware of the presence of a will, or strength-his strength : and it was this force (discovered, then cultivated, in the center of his cowardice ) that enabled him ·to insult the police officer. F�ally, carried away on his own generous breath and sustained by the luminous presence of the actual criminal, he ended up by accusing himself for the theft of the money in question. When he heard the Commissioner give the detective the order to arrest him, Seblon hoped they would recognize his prestige as an officer, but as soon as he found himself in the lockup, feeling certain that there would be an incredible scandal, he was happy. Ever since he slew the Armenian, Querelle had always cleaned out the corpses. It is rare not to find the idea of robbery following the idea and the act of murder (and of those two, the act often is the less despicable one ) . When a young tough hits a homosexual who has accosted him, he as often as not gets his ZlZ I JEAN GENET wallet as well. It's P'lt that he hits him in order to get his wallet, but he gets his wallet because he has hit him. "Too damn bad you didn't get his dough, I 1nean that mason. You could have used it now." Querelle stopped, hesitated. The last words had been said with slight apprehension, noticeable only to himself. · "But how could I? The bistro was packed. I didn't even think of it." "Well, yeah, that's true. But what about the other one, that sailorboy. You had enough time there." "But I swear, Jo, that wasn't me. I swear." "Listen, Gil, I don't give a shit. I didn't con1e here to give you a bad time. You've got your reasons for keeping things to yourself. That only proves that you're a real tough kid. And when you say so, I believe you. All I was saying was that it don't really make sense to snuff out guys without having some benefit from it. So what you want to do, you want to become a real tough sonofabitch, that way too. I'm telling you, kiddo." "D'you think I could really make it out there?" "We'll see."

• From Sex at Dawn (2010)

  CR: Interesting question. It has. It’s made me much less critical of other people’s books. I don’t think I could write a negative review at this point. When I was younger, it was easy to point out the flaws in books, but at this point, I’m much more aware that there’s a person on the other side who did their best. If I were writing Sex at Dawn again, I’d probably tone down some of the snarkier bits. I’m also more aware of just how impossible it is to please everyone. We’ve been incredibly fortunate in the response to this book, but still, for every nine comments we get congratulating us for writing the book with humor, we’ll get one or two describing the writing style as “sophomoric” or “unserious.” Some people think serious issues can only be discussed in serious tones. It’s interesting to have become a public figure, even in the very limited way I’m experiencing it. People have the right to their responses to your work, positive or negative. I’ve learned not to take it personally, in either case. [image file=image_rsrc68N.jpg] Read onSex at Dawn OnlineFOR MORE INFORMATION about Sex at Dawn and the authors’ current doings, please visit sexatdawn.com, where you’ll find a selection of reviews, reader responses, TV and radio interviews, podcasts, and a reader-maintained forum for discussing anything and everything related to the book. Additionally, the authors maintain a Facebook page with a lively discussion of current events related to the book at www.facebook.com/sexatdawn. They can also be followed on Twitter: @SexatDawn. [image file=image_rsrc68N.jpg] Don’t miss the next book by your favorite author. Sign up now for AuthorTracker by visiting www.AuthorTracker.com. ADDITIONAL PRAISE FOR SEX AT DAWN“Ideas like [these] might do more to save marriage than anything else in today’s social-theory landscape. Seriously.” —Amy L. Keyishian, AOL “Sex at Dawn is an absolute must-read because this is the first book about sex that’s as fun to read as it is to…you know, do it.” —Moses Ma, editor, Tantric News “Sex at Dawn is a page-turner. It’s like a novel. You can’t put it down—it is so much fun to read…. It’s a fascinating book. I felt like this book was written for me!” —Susie Bright, legendary sex-positive feminist and author “I have not read such delightful, convincing, and readable science writing since the dearly lamented Stephen Jay Gould. This book is funny, absorbing, clear-eyed, and deeply anti-patriarchal in a way that feels incidental to the facts rather than rising from any agenda—which I find utterly, gleefully vindicating and deeply satisfying…. It made me laugh out loud every ten pages. Just as importantly, this book made me proud to be human.” —Haddayr Copley-Woods, Aqueduct Press “Sex at Dawn is the best, most fascinating, most unsettling, yet ultimately inspirational book on the evolutionary nature of human sexuality that’s out there!” —Susan Block, Ph.D., sexologist, author, radio and television host

• From Querelle (1953)

  122 I JEAN GENET The previous evening he had, while kissing Mario, cut across the even flow of an emotion that had begun long ago, and this first act of audacity had given him a glimpse of freedom, intoxi cated him and fortified him enough to permit him to make a second attempt. Yet that (successful) attempt had seemed to repulse the man (who, as we've said, lay slumbering) within him, aod who really was his own longed-for resemblance both to Mario and, in a greater degree, to Robert. Dede had known Robert when the latter was still working in the dockyards. Together they had pulled a couple of jv�s in the warehouses, and when Robert had graduated from docker to pimp, Dede had not told him about his relationship with the detective. All the same, because of their old friendship, and out of respect for Robert's success, Dede never thought of spying on him, but managed to obtain information from him that he could pass on to Mario. Querelle had gotten up again. Dede watched his buttocks contract. A mocking but appreciative voice yelled: "Wow, what a piece of ass! Wanna try it?" Through the denim of Querelle's bell-bottoms Dede could well imagine the workings of those muscles he knew so well-in Robert. He knew the reactions of those buttocks, thighs, calves; and he could see, despite the thick peacoat material, that tense back, those shoulders and arms. Querelle seemed to be fighting himself. Two women had appeared on the scene. At first they did not say a word. They clutched their shopping nets, filled with provisions, and long thin loaves of fancy bread close to their bodies. After a while they wanted to know why these two were fighting. No one had any idea. Family affair, most likely. The women were reluctant to continue on their way, as the street was blocked by the action, and they stood hypnotized by this knot of disheveled, sweating manhood. Closer and closer grew the resemblance between the two brothers. The expression on their faces had lost its cruelty. Dede remained calm. It seemed hardly important to him who won-whatever the outcome, it would