Longing

Passages

Every passage tagged with this emotion in the Vela corpus. Search the body text, narrow by source or register, click through to a book’s profile to see how the passage sits with the rest of the work.

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• From My Year of Rest and Relaxation (2018)

  —covered mirrors and stilled grandfather clocks, listless afternoons silent but for sniffling and the creaks of old floorboards as someone in an apron came out from the kitchen saying, “You should eat something.” And I wanted a mother. I could admit that. I wanted her to hold me while I cried, bring me cups of warm milk and honey, give me comfy slippers, rent me videos and watch them with me, order deliveries of Chinese food and pizza. Of course I didn’t tell her that this was what I wanted. She was usually passed out in her bed with the door locked. A few times that week, people visited the house, and my mother would do her hair and makeup, spray air freshener, raise the blinds. She got phone calls from Peggy twice a day. “I’m fine, Peggy. No, don’t come over. I’m going to take a bath and a nap. Sunday? Fine, but call first.” In the afternoons, I took the car out, driving aimlessly or to the mall or the supermarket. My mother left me lists of things to buy, with a note for the guy at the liquor store. “This girl is my daughter, and I permit her to purchase alcohol. Call if you’d like to verify her identity. The number is . . .” I bought her vodka. I bought her whiskey and mixers. I didn’t think she was in any real danger. She’d been a heavy drinker for years. Maybe I did take some pleasure in aiding her self-destruction by buying her booze, but I didn’t want my mother to die. It wasn’t like that. I remember one afternoon, she came out of her room and walked past me where I lay on the floor sobbing. She went to the kitchen, wrote a check for the housekeeper, took a bottle of vodka from the freezer, told me to turn down the television, and went back to her room. That was the worst of it. I was pretty upset. I couldn’t have described with any accuracy how I was “doing.” And nobody called to ask me. Everyone I knew at school hated me because I was so pretty. In hindsight, Reva was a pioneer: she was the only friend who ever really dared to try to know me. We didn’t get to be friends until later that year. For the rest of my week of mourning, my moods trespassed out of the standard categories I’d come to recognize. One moment was silent and gray, Technicolor and garish and absurd the next. I felt like I was on drugs, though I had taken nothing. I didn’t even drink that week until a man from the university, Professor Plushenko, one of my father’s colleagues, came to the house, and my mother attempted to entertain him.

• From The Art of Seduction (2001)

  I would like to thank Catherine Léouzon, who some years ago intro- duced me to Les Liaisons Dangereuses and the world of Valmont. I would like to thank David Frankel, for his deft editing and for his much-appreciated advice; Molly Stern at Viking Penguin, for overseeing the project and helping to shape it; Radha Pancham, for keeping it all orga- nized and being so patient; and Brett Kelly, for moving things along. With heavy heart I would like to pay tribute to my cat Boris, who for thirteen years watched over me as I wrote and whose presence is sorely missed. His successor, Brutus, has proven to be a worthy muse. Finally, I would like to honor my father. Words cannot express how much I miss him and how much he has inspired my work. iX Contents Acknowlegments • ix Preface • xix Part One The Seductive Character page 1 The Siren page 5 A man is often secretly oppressed by the role he has to play—by always having to be responsi- ble, in control, and rational. The Siren is the ultimate male fantasy figure because she offers a total release from the limitations of his life. In her presence, which is always heightened and sexually charged, the male feels transported to a realm of pure pleasure. In a world where women are often too timid to project such an image, learn to take control of the male libido by embodying his fantasy. The Rake page 17 A woman never quite feels desired and appreciated enough. She wants attention, but a man is too often distracted and unresponsive. The Rake is a great female fantasy-figure—when he de- sires a woman, brief though that moment may be, he will go to the ends of the earth for her. He may be disloyal, dishonest, and amoral, but that only adds to his appeal. Stir a woman's repressed longings by adapting the Rake's mix of danger and pleasure. The Ideal Lover page 29 Most people have dreams in their youth that get shattered or worn down with age. They find themselves disappointed by people, events, reality, which cannot match their youthful ideals. Ideal Lovers thrive on people's broken dreams, which become lifelong fantasies. You long for ro- mance? Adventure? Lofty spiritual communion? The Ideal Lover reflects your fantasy. He or she is an artist in creating the illusion you require. In a world of disenchantment and baseness, there is limitless seductive power in following the path of the Ideal Lover. xi xii • Contents The Dandy page 41 Most of us feel trapped within the limited roles that the world expects us to play. We are in- stantly attracted to those who are more fluid than we are—those who create their own persona.

• From The Art of Seduction (2001)

  Eva injected poetry into his To attend the theater when she does, gaze at her beauty— \ From the shoulders up she's time \ Most delectably spent, a feast for adoring glances, \ For the eloquence of eyebrows, the speaking sign. \ Applaud when some male dancer struts on as the heroine, \ Cheer for each lover's role. \ When she leaves, leave too—but sit there as long as she does: \ Waste time at your mistress's whim. . . . \ Get her accustomed to you; \ Habit's the key, spare no pains till that's achieved. \ Let her always see you around, always hear you talking, \ Show her your face night and day. \ When you're confident you'll be missed, when your absence \ Seems sure to cause her regret, \ Then give her some respite: a field improves when fallow, \ Parched soil soaks up the rain. \ Demophoön's presence gave Phyllis no more than mild excitement; \ It was his sailing caused arson in her heart. \ Penelope was racked by crafty Ulysses's absence, \ Protesilaus, abroad, made Laodameia burn. \ Short partings do best, though: time wears out affections, \ The absent love fades, a new one takes its place. \ With Menelaus away, Helen's disinclination for sleeping \ Alone led her into her guest's \ Warm bed at night. Were you crazy, Menelaus? —OVID, THE ART OF LOVE, TRANSLATED BY PETER GREEN Concerning the Birth of Love • Here is what happens in the soul: • 1. Admiration. • 2. You think, "Mow delightful it Poeticize Your Presence • 281 life. Her language was florid and theatrical; she surrounded him with atten- tion, indeed to the point of suffocation, but a woman's dutiful service to a great man was a classic image, and was celebrated in innumerable tango bal- lads. Yet she managed to remain elusive, mysterious, like a movie star you see all the time on the screen but never really know. And when Perón was finally alone, in prison, these poetic images and associations burst forth in his mind. He idealized her madly; as far as he was concerned, she was no longer an actress with a tawdry past. She seduced an entire nation the same way. The secret was her dramatic poetic presence, combined with a touch of elusive distance; over time, you would see whatever you wanted to in her. To this day people fantasize about what Eva was really like. Familiarity destroys seduction.

• From The Art of Seduction (2001)

  A favorite of Louis XIV's, the thirty-six- year-old Marquis was a brave soldier with an acid wit. He was also an in- curable Don Juan. Although he was short, and certainly not handsome, his impudent manners and his military exploits made him irresistible to women. The Grande Mademoiselle had noticed him some years before, ad- miring his elegance and boldness. But it was only this time, in 1669, that she had a real conversation with him, if a short one, and although she knew of his lady-killer reputation, she found him charming. A few days later they ran into each other again; this time the conversation was longer, and Lauzun proved more intelligent than she had imagined—they talked of the playwright Corneille (her favorite), of heroism, and of other elevated top- ics. Now their encounters became more frequent. They had become friends. Anne Marie noted in her diary that her conversations with Lauzun, when they occurred, were the highlight of her day; when he was not at court, she felt his absence. Surely her encounters with him came frequently enough that they could not be accidental on his part, but he always seemed surprised to see her. At the same time, she recorded feeling uneasy— strange emotions were stealing up on her, she did not know why. 179 Many women adore the elusive, \ Hate overeagerness. So, play hard to get, \ Stop boredom developing. And don't let your entreaties \ Sound too confident of possession. Insinuate sex \ Camouflaged as friendship. I've seen ultrastubborn creatures \ Fooled by this gambit, the switch from companion to stud. —OVID, THEART OF LOVE, TRANSLATED BY PETER GREEN On the street, I do not stop her, or I exchange a greeting with her but never come close, but always strive for distance. Presumably our repeated encounters are clearly noticeable to her; presumably she does perceive that on her horizon a new planet has loomed, which in its course has encroached disturbingly upon hers in a curiously undisturbing way, but she has no inkling of the law underlying this movement. . . . Before I begin my attack, I must 180 • The Art of Seduction Time passed, and the Grande Mademoiselle was to leave Paris for a week or two. Now Lauzun approached her without warning and made an emotional plea to be considered her confidante, the great friend who would execute any commission she needed done while she was away. He was poetic and chivalrous, but what did he really mean?

• From The Art of Seduction (2001)

  could not completely avoid him over the next few days, and she saw that he BRIAN SINGER seemed paler than ever. He was polite, and a whole day might pass without her seeing him, but these brief absences had a paradoxical effect: now Tourvel realized what had happened. She missed him, she wanted to see him. This paragon of virtue and goodness had somehow fallen in love with an incorrigible rake. Disgusted with herself and what she had allowed to Disarm Through Strategic Weakness and Vulnerability • 289 happen, she left the château in the middle of the night, without telling The old American proverb anyone, and headed for Paris, where she planned somehow to repent this says if you want to con someone, you must first get awful sin. him to trust you, or at least feel superior to you (these two ideas are related), and Interpretation. The character of Valmont in Choderlos de Laclos's get him to let down his guard. The proverb epistolary novel Dangerous Liaisons is based on several of the great real-life explains a great deal about libertines of eighteenth-century France. Everything Valmont does is calcu- television commercials. If lated for effect—the ambiguous actions that make Tourvel curious about we assume that people are not stupid, they must react him, the act of charity in the village (he knows he is being followed), the to TV commercials with a return visit to the château, the paleness of his face (he is having an affair feeling of superiority that with a girl at the château, and their all-night carousals give him a wasted permits them to believe they are in control. As long look). Most devastating of all is his positioning of himself as the weak one, as this illusion of volition the seduced, the victim. How can the Présidente imagine he is manipulat- persists, they would ing her when everything suggests he is simply overwhelmed by her beauty, consciously have nothing to whether physical or spiritual? He cannot be a deceiver when he repeatedly fear from the commercials. People are prone to trust makes a point of confessing the "truth" about himself: he admits that his anything over which they charity was questionably motivated, he explains why he has gone astray, he believe they have lets her in on his emotions. (All of this "honesty," of course, is calculated.) control. . . . • TV commercials appear foolish, In essence he is like a woman, or at least like a woman of those times— clumsy, and ineffectual on emotional, unable to control himself, moody, insecure. She is the one who purpose. They are made to is cold and cruel, like a man. In positioning himself as Tourvel's victim, Val- appear this way at the conscious level in order to

• From The Annotated Lolita (1991)

  Nabokov’s “private tragedy” is our concern, for in varying degrees it involves us all. Nabokov’s search for the language adequate to Lolita is H.H.’s search for the language that will reach Lolita; and it is a representative search, a heightened emblem of all of our attempts to communicate. “ ‘A penny for your thoughts,’ I said, and she stretched out her palm at once.” It is the almost insuperable distance between those thoughts and that palm which Nabokov has measured so accurately and so movingly in Lolita: the distance between people, the distance separating love from love-making, mirage from reality—the desperate extent of all human need and desire. “I have only words to play with,” says H.H., and only words can bridge the gulf suggested by Lolita’s palm. H.H. has failed once—“She would mail her vulnerability in trite brashness and boredom, whereas I use[d] for my desperately detached comments an artificial tone of voice that set my own teeth on edge”—but it is a necessary act of love to try, and perhaps Nabokov succeeds with the reader where H.H. failed with Lolita. frac-tails: Nabokov wittily demonstrates that the “native illusionist” is now an internationalist: frac is French for “dress coat.” It is just that Nabokov (and this edition) should conclude with a joke, however small, for, from behind “the bars of the poor creature’s cage,” desperate Humbert also exults. In Gogol, Nabokov notes how “one likes to recall that the difference between the comic side of things, and their cosmic side, depends upon one sibilant” (p. 142), a juxtaposition implicit in the early title, Laughter in the Dark. The title goes two ways: it records the laughter of the cosmic joker who has made a pawn of Albinus, blinding and tormenting him, but it also summarizes Nabokov’s response to life, his course for survival. Toward the end of Lolita, the sick and despairing Humbert has finally tracked down Lolita, who is now the pregnant Mrs. Richard Schiller. He recalls how he rang the doorbell, ready to kill Dick. The bell seems to vibrate through his whole exhausted system, but suddenly Humbert takes his automatic French response to the sound and playfully twists it into verbal nonsense: “Personne. Je resonne. Repersonne. From what depth this re-nonsense?” he wonders. It sounds from the depths of Vladimir Nabokov’s profoundly humane comic vision, and the gusto of Humbert’s narration, his punning language, his abundant delight in digressions, parodies, and games all attest to a comic vision that overrides the sadness or terror of everyday life. ABOUT VLADIMIR NABOKOV Vladimir Nabokov was born in St. Petersburg on April 23, 1899. His family fled to Germany in 1919, during the Bolshevik Revolution. Nabokov studied French and Russian literature at Trinity College, Cambridge, from 1919 to 1923, then lived in Berlin (1923–1937) and Paris (1937–1940), where he began writing, mainly in Russian, under the pseudonym Sirin.

• From The Annotated Lolita (1991)

  Lambert : a step away from Humbert. No literary allusions intended. fifty-six days ago : in the concluding paragraphs of Lolita , H.H. reasserts the verisimilar basis that has been belied everywhere in the preceding pages, linking the last three paragraphs of his manuscript with the first three paragraphs of “editor” John Ray’s Foreword, creating an elegant pairing and extraordinary equipoise for which neither H.H. nor Ray is responsible (see “real people” ). Do not talk to strangers : in Who’s Who in the Limelight , “Quine, Dolores” is said to have made her debut in Never Talk to Strangers , and here H.H. advises Lolita similarly (see Never Talk to Strangers ). “Coincidence” and design govern in things this small, to paraphrase Robert Frost’s poem “Design” (1936), a bleak reversal of Nabokov’s hopeful pantheistic vision. do not pity C.Q.…. aurochs and angels, the secret of durable pigments … my Lolita : “durable pigments” preserve the angels in Old Master paintings. The “auroch” refers to the European bison, now virtually extinct, as is this definition, since it is omitted from Webster’s 3rd. H.H.’s aurochs allude to those delicate and stylized images of bison that still are visible on the cave walls of Spain and France where they were painted ten to twenty thousand years ago. Their “durable pigments” are an inspiring idea and sight, even when the images are poorly reproduced in text books. But I would never have identified the auroch as such if Nabokov himself hadn’t mentioned it to me during a 1974 conversation about the cave paintings of Lascaux. (The beleagured drawing instructor in Nabokov’s 1938 story, “Tyrants Destroyed,” who endures a totalitarian regime, finds some solace in his doctoral dissertation on the cave origins of painting.) But Lolita ’s cave painting is too “Joycean,” too obscure; “C.Q.,” the final Quilty reference, is much fairer. With it, H.H.’s tone turns an unfamiliar shade. Although the narrative surface is still intact, the masked narrator does speak in a newly impersonal way. When asked if one is now supposed to “hear” a different voice, as at “the end” of so many of his novels (see Introduction), Nabokov said, “No, I did not mean to introduce a different voice. I did want, however, to convey a constriction of the narrator’s sick heart, a warning spasm causing him to abridge names and hasten to conclude his tale before it was too late. I am glad I managed to achieve this remoteness of tone at the end” ( Wisconsin Studies interview). This “remoteness” is appropriate, for Humbert’s love and Nabokov’s labors have become one. The final phrase sounds the “Latin” locution that has echoed through the narrative (see the writer’s ancient lust and my Lolita ), and the last word of the novel, that fatal constriction, repeats the first: “Lolita.” It is a fitting and final symmetry for this Byzantine edifice, this verbal equivalent of an ordered (divinely ordered?) universe.

• From The Annotated Lolita (1991)

  In the hot car she settled down beside me, slapped a prompt fly on her lovely knee; then, her mouth working violently on a piece of chewing gum, she rapidly cranked down the window on her side and settled back again. We sped through the striped and speckled forest. “How’s Mother?” she asked dutifully. I said the doctors did not quite know yet what the trouble was. Anyway, something abdominal. Abominable? No, abdominal. We would have to hang around for a while. The hospital was in the country, near the gay town of Lepingville, where a great poet had resided in the early nineteenth century and where we would take in all the shows. She thought it a peachy idea and wondered if we could make Lepingville before nine P.M . “We should be at Briceland by dinner time,” I said, “and tomorrow we’ll visit Lepingville. How was the hike? Did you have a marvelous time at the camp?” “Uh-huh.” “Sorry to leave?” “Un-un.” “Talk, Lo—don’t grunt. Tell me something.” “What thing, Dad?” (she let the word expand with ironic deliberation). “Any old thing.” “Okay, if I call you that?” (eyes slit at the road). “Quite.” “It’s a sketch, you know. When did you fall for my mummy?” “Some day, Lo, you will understand many emotions and situations, such as for example the harmony, the beauty of spiritual relationship.” “Bah!” said the cynical nymphet. Shallow lull in the dialogue, filled with some landscape. “Look, Lo, at all those cows on that hillside.” “I think I’ll vomit if I look at a cow again.” “You know, I missed you terribly, Lo.” “ I did not. Fact I’ve been revoltingly unfaithful to you, but it does not matter one bit, because you’ve stopped caring for me, anyway. You drive much faster than my mummy, mister.” I slowed down from a blind seventy to a purblind fifty. “Why do you think I have ceased caring for you, Lo?” “Well, you haven’t kissed me yet, have you?” Inly dying, inly moaning, I glimpsed a reasonably wide shoulder of road ahead, and bumped and wobbled into the weeds.

• From The Annotated Lolita (1991)

  Do not talk to strangers: in Who’s Who in the Limelight, “Quine, Dolores” is said to have made her debut in Never Talk to Strangers, and here H.H. advises Lolita similarly (see Never Talk to Strangers). “Coincidence” and design govern in things this small, to paraphrase Robert Frost’s poem “Design” (1936), a bleak reversal of Nabokov’s hopeful pantheistic vision. do not pity C.Q.…. aurochs and angels, the secret of durable pigments … my Lolita: “durable pigments” preserve the angels in Old Master paintings. The “auroch” refers to the European bison, now virtually extinct, as is this definition, since it is omitted from Webster’s 3rd. H.H.’s aurochs allude to those delicate and stylized images of bison that still are visible on the cave walls of Spain and France where they were painted ten to twenty thousand years ago. Their “durable pigments” are an inspiring idea and sight, even when the images are poorly reproduced in text books. But I would never have identified the auroch as such if Nabokov himself hadn’t mentioned it to me during a 1974 conversation about the cave paintings of Lascaux. (The beleagured drawing instructor in Nabokov’s 1938 story, “Tyrants Destroyed,” who endures a totalitarian regime, finds some solace in his doctoral dissertation on the cave origins of painting.) But Lolita’s cave painting is too “Joycean,” too obscure; “C.Q.,” the final Quilty reference, is much fairer. With it, H.H.’s tone turns an unfamiliar shade. Although the narrative surface is still intact, the masked narrator does speak in a newly impersonal way. When asked if one is now supposed to “hear” a different voice, as at “the end” of so many of his novels (see Introduction), Nabokov said, “No, I did not mean to introduce a different voice. I did want, however, to convey a constriction of the narrator’s sick heart, a warning spasm causing him to abridge names and hasten to conclude his tale before it was too late. I am glad I managed to achieve this remoteness of tone at the end” (Wisconsin Studies interview). This “remoteness” is appropriate, for Humbert’s love and Nabokov’s labors have become one. The final phrase sounds the “Latin” locution that has echoed through the narrative (see the writer’s ancient lust and my Lolita), and the last word of the novel, that fatal constriction, repeats the first: “Lolita.” It is a fitting and final symmetry for this Byzantine edifice, this verbal equivalent of an ordered (divinely ordered?) universe. Fyodor, the young poet of The Gift, wonders, on a summer stroll, “what is concealed behind all this, behind the play, the sparkle, the thick, green greasepaint of the foliage? For there really is something, there is something! And one wants to offer thanks but there is no one to thank. The list of donations already made: 10,000 days—from Person Unknown” (p. 340).

• From The Art of Seduction (2001)

  My fancy for you is, after all, only a passing madness." Casanova was perhaps the most successful seducer in history; few women could resist him. His method was simple: on meeting a woman, he would his sash. • Presently he raises the lattice, and the two lovers stand together by the side door while he tells her how he dreads the coining day, which will keep them apart; then he slips away. The lady watches him go, and this moment of parting will remain among her most charming memories. • Indeed, one's attachment to a man depends largely on the elegance of his leave- taking. When he jumps out of bed, scurries about the room, tightly fastens his trouser sash, rolls up the sleeves of his court cloak, overrobe, or hunting costume, stuffs his belongings into the breast of his robe and then briskly secures the outer sash—one really begins to hate him. —THE PILLOW BOOK OF SEI SHONAGON, TRANSLATED AND EDITED BY IVAN MORRIS The Ideal Lover • 33 study her, go along with her moods, find out what was missing in her life, and provide it. He made himself the Ideal Lover. The bored burgomaster's wife needed adventure and romance; she wanted someone who would sac- rifice time and comfort to have her. For Miss Pauline what was missing was friendship, lofty ideals, serious conversation; she wanted a man of breeding and generosity who would treat her like a lady. For Ignazia, what was miss- ing was suffering and torment. Her life was too easy; to feel truly alive, and to have something real to confess, she needed to sin. In each case Casanova adapted himself to the woman's ideals, brought her fantasy to life. Once she had fallen under his spell, a little ruse or calculation would seal the romance (a day among rats, a contrived fall from a horse, an encounter with another woman to make Ignazia jealous). The Ideal Lover is rare in the modern world, for the role takes effort. You will have to focus intensely on the other person, fathom what she is missing, what he is disappointed by. People will often reveal this in subtle ways: through gesture, tone of voice, a look in the eye. By seeming to be what they lack, you will fit their ideal. To create this effect requires patience and attention to detail. Most people are so wrapped up in their own desires, so impatient, they are inca- pable of the Ideal Lover role. Let that be a source of infinite opportunity. Be an oasis in the desert of the self-absorbed; few can resist the temptation of following a person who seems so attuned to their desires, to bringing to life their fantasies.

• From The Art of Seduction (2001)

  Dandies excite us because they cannot be categorized, and hint at a freedom we want for our- selves. They play with masculinity and femininity; they fashion their own physical image, which is always startling. Use the power of the Dandy to create an ambiguous, alluring pres- ence that stirs repressed desires. The Natural page 53 Childhood is the golden paradise we are always consciously or unconsciously trying to re-create. The Natural embodies the longed-for qualities of childhood—spontaneity, sincerity, unpre- tentiousness. In the presence of Naturals, we feel at ease, caught up in their playful spirit, transported back to that golden age. Adopt the pose of the Natural to neutralize people's defensivencss and infect them with helpless delight. The Coquette page 67 The ability to delay satisfaction is the ultimate art of seduction—while waiting, the victim is held in thrall. Coquettes are the grand masters of the game, orchestrating a back-and-forth movement between hope and frustration. They bait with the promise of reward—the hope of physical pleasure, happiness, fame by association, power—all of which, however, proves elu- sive; yet this only makes their targets pursue them the more. Imitate the alternating heat and coolness of the Coquette and you will keep the seduced at your heels. The Charmer page 79 Charm is seduction without sex. Charmers are consummate manipulators, masking their clev- erness by creating a mood of pleasure and comfort. Their method is simple: They deflect atten- tion from themselves and focus it on their target. They understand your spirit, feel your pain, adapt to your moods. In the presence of a Charmer you feel better about yourself. Learn to cast the Charmer's spell by aiming at people's primary weaknesses: vanity and self-esteem. The Charismatic page 95 Charisma is a presence that excites us. It comes from an inner quality—self-confidence, sexual energy, sense of purpose, contentment—that most people lack and want. This quality radiates outward, permeating the gestures of Charismatics, making them seem extraordinary and supe- rior. They learn to heighten their charisma with a piercing gaze, fiery oratory, an air of mys- tery. Create the charismatic illusion by radiating intensity while remaining detached. The Star page 119 Daily life is harsh, and most of us constantly seek escape from it in fantasies and dreams. Stars feed on this weakness; standing out from others through a distinctive and appealing style, they make us want to watch them. At the same time, they are vague and ethereal, keeping their distance, and letting us imagine more than is there. Their dreamlike quality works on our un- conscious. Learn to become an object of fascination by projecting the glittering but elusive pres- ence of the Star. Contents • xiii The Anti-Seducer page 131 Seducers draw you in by the focused, individualized attention they pay to you.

• From The Art of Seduction (2001)

  And she lacked the cloying, giggling manner of most young girls who wanted masculine attention. No, her quality was nobler. Her Latin was perfect, she could discuss the latest literature, she played the lute and sang. In other words, she was a novelty, and since that was all most men were looking for, they began to visit her in own, had her arms round his neck, speaking to him the while in such loving words and with so beautiful a countenance, that there is not a hermit so holy but he would have forgotten his beads for love of her. • But when the gentleman recognized her with both eye and ear, and found he was not with her for whose sake he had so greatly suffered, the love that had made him get so quickly into the bed, made him rise from it still more quickly. And in anger equally with mistress and damsel, he said— "Neither your folly nor the malice of her who put you there can make me other than I am. But do you try to be an honest woman, for you shall never lose that good name through me. " • So saying he rushed out of the room in the greatest wrath imaginable, and it was long before he returned to see his mistress. However love, which is never without hope, assured him that the greater and more manifest his constancy was proved to be by all these trials, the longer and more delightful would be his bliss. • The lady, who had seen and heard all that passed, was so delighted and amazed at beholding the depth and constancy of his love, that she was impatient to sec him again in order to ask h is fo rgiven ess for the sorrow that she had caused him to endure. And as soon as she could meet with him, she failed not to address him in such excellent and pleasant words, that he not only forgot all his troubles but even deemed them very fortunate, seeing that their issue was to the glory of his constancy and the perfect Prove Yourself • 331 great numbers. She had a lover, a diplomat, and the thought that one man had won her physical favors drove them all mad. Her male visitors began to compete for her attention, writing poems in her honor, vying to become her favorite. None of them succeeded, but they kept on trying.

• From The Art of Seduction (2001)

  Burned upon a fire of thorns? Fi- nally the dwarf let him get out, without a word as to the whereabouts of the queen. To make matters worse, no one now would go near or talk to Lancelot, for he had been in the cart. He kept on chasing the queen, and all along the way he was cursed at, spat upon, challenged by other knights. He having so fully tested the love and obedience he had shown towards her, it was but just that he should be rewarded for his long patience. Of the lover's joy on hearing this you need have no doubt, and he failed not to arrive at the appointed time. • But the lady, still wishing to try the strength of his love, had said to her beautiful damsel—"I am well aware of the love a certain nobleman bears to you, and I think you are no less in love with him; and I feel so much pity for you both, that I have resolved to afford you time and place that you may converse together at your ease." • The damsel was so enchanted that she could not conceal her longings, but answered that she would not fail to be present. • In obedience, therefore, to her mistress's counsel and command, she undressed herself and lay down on a handsome bed, in a room the door of which the lady left half open, whilst within she set a light so that the maiden's beauty might be clearly seen. Then she herself pretended to go away, but hid herself near to the bed so carefully that she could not be seen. • Her poor lover, thinking to find her according to her promise, failed not to enter the room as softly as he could, at the appointed hour; and after he had shut the door and put off his garments and fur shoes, he got into the bed, where he looked to find what he desired. But no sooner did he put out his arms to embrace her whom he believed to be his mistress, than the poor girl, believing him entirely her 330 • The Art of Seduction had disgraced knighthood by riding in the cart. But no one could stop him or slow him down, and finally he discovered that the queen's kidnapper was the wicked Meleagant. He caught up with Meleagant and the two fought a duel. Still weak from the chase, Lancelot seemed to be near defeat, but when word reached him that the queen was watching the battle, he recov- ered his strength and was on the verge of killing Meleagant when a truce was called. Guinevere was handed over to him.

• From The Annotated Lolita (1991)

  Exile is a correlative for all human loss, and Nabokov records with infinite tenderness the constrictions the heart must suffer; even in his most parodic novels, such as Lolita , he makes audible through all the playfulness a cry of pain. “Pity,” says John Shade, “is the password.” Nabokov’s are emotional and spiritual exiles, turned back upon themselves, trapped by their obsessive memories and desires in a solipsistic “prison of mirrors” where they cannot distinguish the glass from themselves (to use another prison trope, drawn from the story “The Assistant Producer” [1943], in Nabokov’s Dozen [1958]). The transcendence of solipsism is a central concern in Nabokov. He recommends no escape, and there is an unmistakable moral resonance in his treatment of the theme: it is only at the outset of Lolita that Humbert can say that he had Lolita “safely solipsized.” The coldly unromantic scrutiny which his exiles endure is often overlooked by critics. In Pnin the gentle, addlepated professor is seen in a new light in the final chapter, when the narrator assumes control and makes it clear that he is inheriting Pnin’s job but not, he would hope, his existence. John Shade asks us to pity “the exile, the old man / Dying in a motel,” and we do; but in the Commentary, Kinbote says that a “king who sinks his identity in the mirror of exile is guilty of [a regicide].” “ The past [is] the past ,” Lolita tells Humbert toward the end of that novel, when he asks her to relive what had always been inexorably lost. As a book about the spell exerted by the past, Lolita is Nabokov’s own parodic answer to his previous book, the first edition of Speak, Memory . Mnemosyne is now seen as a black muse, nostalgia as a grotesque cul-de-sac. Lolita is the last book one would offer as “autobiographical,” but even in its totally created form it connects with the deepest reaches of Nabokov’s soul. Like the poet Fyodor in The Gift , Nabokov could say that while he keeps everything “on the very brink of parody … there must be on the other hand an abyss of seriousness, and I must make my way along this narrow ridge between my own truth and a caricature of it”. An autobiographic theme submitted to the imagination thus takes on a new life: frozen in art, halted in space, now timeless, it can be lived with.

• From The Art of Seduction (2001)

  Facing this front, she could not sink her hooks into him. Octavius made anti-seduction his defense against the most irresistible woman in history. Remember: seduction is a game of attention, of slowly filling the other person's mind with your presence. Distance and inattention will create the opposite effect, and can be used as a tactic when the need arises. Finally, if you really want to "anti-seduce," simply feign the qualities listed at the beginning of the chapter. Nag; talk a lot, particularly about yourself; dress against the other person's tastes; pay no attention to detail; suffocate, and so on. A word of warning: with the arguing type, the Wind- bag, never talk back too much. Words will only fan the flames. Adopt the Queen Victoria strategy: nod, seem to agree, then find an excuse to cut the conversation short. This is the only defense. The Eighteen Types The people around you are all potential victims of a seduction, but first you must know what type of vic- tim you are dealing with. Victims are categorized by what they feel they are missing in life—ad- venture, attention, romance, a naughty expe- rience, mental or physical stimulation, etc. Once you identify their type, you have the necessary ingredients for a seduc- tion: you will be the one to give them what they lack and cannot get on their own. In studying potential victims, learn to see the reality behind the ap- pearance. A timid person may yearn to play the star; a prude may long for a trans- gressive thrill. Never try to seduce your own type. o o o o o o Victim Theory N obody in this world feels whole and complete. We all sense some gap in our character, something we need or want but cannot get on our own. When we fall in love, it is often with someone who seems to fill that gap. The process is usually unconscious and depends on luck: we wait for the right person to cross our path, and when we fall for them we hope they return our love. But the seducer does not leave such things to chance. Look at the people around you. Forget their social exterior, their obvi- ous character traits; look behind all of that, focusing on the gaps, the miss- ing pieces in their psyche. That is the raw material of any seduction. Pay close attention to their clothes, their gestures, their offhand comments, the things in their house, certain looks in their eyes; get them to talk about their past, particularly past romances. And slowly the outline of those miss- ing pieces will come into view. Understand: people are constantly giving out signals as to what they lack. They long for completeness, whether the illusion of it or the reality, and if it has to come from another person, that person has tremendous power over them. We may call them victims of a seduction, but they are almost always willing victims.

• From The Annotated Lolita (1991)

  I have reserved for the conclusion of my “Annabel” phase the account of our unsuccessful first tryst. One night, she managed to deceive the vicious vigilance of her family. In a nervous and slender-leaved mimosa grove at the back of their villa we found a perch on the ruins of a low stone wall. Through the darkness and the tender trees we could see the arabesques of lighted windows which, touched up by the colored inks of sensitive memory, appear to me now like playing cards—presumably because a bridge game was keeping the enemy busy. She trembled and twitched as I kissed the corner of her parted lips and the hot lobe of her ear. A cluster of stars palely glowed above us, between the silhouettes of long thin leaves; that vibrant sky seemed as naked as she was under her light frock. I saw her face in the sky, strangely distinct, as if it emitted a faint radiance of its own. Her legs, her lovely live legs, were not too close together, and when my hand located what it sought, a dreamy and eerie expression, half-pleasure, half-pain, came over those childish features. She sat a little higher than I, and whenever in her solitary ecstasy she was led to kiss me, her head would bend with a sleepy, soft, drooping movement that was almost woeful, and her bare knees caught and compressed my wrist, and slackened again; and her quivering mouth, distorted by the acridity of some mysterious potion, with a sibilant intake of breath came near to my face. She would try to relieve the pain of love by first roughly rubbing her dry lips against mine; then my darling would draw away with a nervous toss of her hair, and then again come darkly near and let me feed on her open mouth, while with a generosity that was ready to offer her everything, my heart, my throat, my entrails, I gave her to hold in her awkward fist the scepter of my passion. I recall the scent of some kind of toilet powder—I believe she stole it from her mother’s Spanish maid—a sweetish, lowly, musky perfume. It mingled with her own biscuity odor, and my senses were suddenly filled to the brim; a sudden commotion in a nearby bush prevented them from overflowing—and as we drew away from each other, and with aching veins attended to what was probably a prowling cat, there came from the house her mother’s voice calling her, with a rising frantic note—and Dr.

• From The Annotated Lolita (1991)

  But rather than identify every “Annabel Lee” echo occurring in the first chapter and elsewhere, the text of the poem is provided: It was many and many a year ago, In a kingdom by the sea, That a maiden there lived whom you may know By the name of Annabel Lee;— And this maiden she lived with no other thought Than to love and be loved by me. She was a child and I was a child, In this kingdom by the sea, But we loved with a love that was more than love— I and my Annabel Lee— With a love that the winged seraphs of Heaven Coveted her and me. And this was the reason that, long ago, In this kingdom by the sea, A wind blew out of a cloud by night Chilling my Annabel Lee; So that her high-born kinsmen came And bore her away from me, To shut her up in a sepulchre In this kingdom by the sea. The angels, not half so happy in Heaven, Went envying her and me:— Yes! that was the reason (as all men know, In this kingdom by the sea) That the wind came out of the cloud, chilling And killing my Annabel Lee. But our love it was stronger by far than the love Of those who were older than we— Of many far wiser than we— And neither the angels in Heaven above Nor the demons down under the sea Can ever dissever my soul from the soul Of the beautiful Annabel Lee:— For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams Of the beautiful Annabel Lee; And the stars never rise but I see the bright eyes Of the beautiful Annabel Lee; And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side Of my darling, my darling, my life and my bride In her sepulchre there by the sea— In her tomb by the sounding sea. Poe is referred to more than twenty times in Lolita (echoes of “my darling” haven’t been counted), far more than any other writer (followed by Mérimée, Shakespeare, and Joyce, in that order). Not surprisingly, Poe allusions have been the most readily identifiable to readers and earlier commentators (I pointed out several in my 1967 Wisconsin Studies article, “Lolita : The Springboard of Parody” [see bibliography ]). See also the earlier articles by Elizabeth Phillips (“The Hocus-Pocus of Lolita, “Literature and Psychology , X [Summer 1960], 97–101) and Arthur F. DuBois (“Poe and Lolita,” CEA Critic , XXVI [No. 6, 1963], 1, 7). More recent is Carl R. Proffer’s thorough compilation in Keys to Lolita (henceforth called Keys ), pp.

• From The Art of Seduction (2001)

  As a young girl she had dreamt of adventure, ro- mance, travel. Now she was expected to play the role of the polite young wife, and it did not suit her. Lady Caroline was one of the first to read Childe Harold, and something more than its novelty stirred her. When she saw Lord Byron at a dinner party, surrounded by women, she looked at his face, then walked away; that night she wrote of him in her journal, "Mad, bad, and dangerous to know." She added, "That beautiful pale face is my fate." The next day, to Lady Caroline's surprise, Lord Byron called on her. Evidently he had seen her walking away from him, and her shyness had in- trigued him—he disliked the aggressive women who were constantly at his It is a matter of a certain hind of feeling: that of being overwhelmed. There are many who have a great fear of bring overwhelmed by someone; for example, someone who makes them laugh against their will, or tickles them to death, or, worse, tells them things that they sense to be accurate but which they do not quite understand, things that go beyond their prejudices and received wisdom, In other words, they do not want to be seduced, since seduction means confronting people with their limits, limits that are supposed to be set and stable but that the seducer suddenly causes to waver. Seduction is the desire of being overwhelmed, taken beyond. —DANIEL SIBONY, L'AMOUR INCONSCIENT Just lately I saw a tight- reined stallion \ Get the bit in his teeth and bolt \ Like lightning—yet the minute he felt the reins slacken, \ Drop loose on his flying mane, \ He stopped dead. 351 352 • The Art of Seduction heels, as it seemed he disdained everything, including his success. Soon he was visiting Lady Caroline daily. He lingered in her boudoir, played with her children, helped her choose her dress for the day. She pressed him to talk of his life: he described his brutal father, the untimely deaths that seemed to be a family curse, the crumbling abbey he had inherited, his ad- ventures in Turkey and Greece. His life was indeed as gothic as that of Childe Harold. Within days the two became lovers. Now, though, the tables turned: Lady Caroline pursued Byron with unladylike aggression. She dressed as a page and sneaked into his carriage, wrote him extravagantly emotional let- ters, flaunted the affair. At last, a chance to play the grand romantic role of her girlhood fantasies. Byron began to turn against her. He already loved to shock; now he confessed to her the nature of the secret sin he had alluded to in Childe Harold—his homosexual affairs during his travels.

• From The Art of Seduction (2001)

  Happily self-contained and self-involved, we have little psychic need of other people. Then, slowly, we are socialized and taught to pay attention to others—but we secretly yearn for those blissful early days. The narcissistic woman reminds a man of that period, and makes him envious. Perhaps contact with her will restore that feeling of self- involvement. A man is also challenged by the female Coquette's independence—he wants to be the one to make her dependent, to burst her bubble. It is far more likely, though, that he will end up becoming her slave, giving her in- torches, and the bier, were now being prepared, but his body was nowhere to be found. Instead of his corpse, they discovered a flower with a circle of white petals round a yellow centre. —OVID, METAMORPHOSES, TRANSLATED BY MARY M. INNES Selfishness is one of the qualities apt to inspire love. —NATHANIEL HAWTHORNE The Socrates whom you see has a tendency to fall in love with good-looking young men, and is always in their society and in an ecstasy about them...but once you see beneath the surface you will discover a degree of self-control of which you can hardly form a notion, gentlemen. . . . He spends his whole life pretending and playing with people, and I doubt whether anyone has ever seen the treasures which are revealed when he grows serious and exposes what he keeps inside. • . . . Believing that he was serious in his admiration of my charms, I supposed that a wonderful piece of good luck had befallen me; I should now be able, in return for my favours, to find out all that Socrates knew; for you must know that there was no limit to the pride that I felt in my good looks. With this end in view I sent away my attendant, whom hitherto I had always kept with me in my encounters with Socrates, and left myself alone with him. I must tell you the whole truth; attend carefully, and do you, The Coquette • 75 cessant attention to gain her love, and failing. For the narcissistic woman is not emotionally needy; she is self-sufficient. And this is surprisingly seduc- tive. Self-esteem is critical in seduction. (Your attitude toward yourself is read by the other person in subtle and unconscious ways.) Low self-esteem repels, confidence and self-sufficiency attract. The less you seem to need other people, the more likely others will be drawn to you. Understand the importance of this in all relationships and you will find your neediness easier to suppress. But do not confuse self-absorption with seductive narcis- sism. Talking endlessly about yourself is eminently anti-seductive, revealing not self-sufficiency but insecurity.

• From The Art of Seduction (2001)

  It is also a person's dark side, the thing that makes them mysterious. After they have given us pleasure, the shadow of their withdrawal makes us yearn for their return, much as clouds make us yearn for the sun. 78 • The Art of Seduction Dangers C oquettes face an obvious danger: they play with volatile emotions. Every time the pendulum swings, love shifts to hate. So they must or- chestrate everything carefully. Their absences cannot be too long, their bouts of anger must be quickly followed by smiles. Coquettes can keep their victims emotionally entrapped for a long time, but over months or years the dynamic can begin to prove tiresome. Jiang Qing, later known as Madame Mao, used coquettish skills to capture the heart of Mao Tse-tung, but after ten years the quarreling, the tears and the coolness became in- tensely irritating, and once irritation proved stronger than love, Mao was able to detach. Josephine, a more brilliant Coquette, was able to adapt, by spending a whole year without playing coy or withdrawing from Napoleon. Timing is everything. On the other hand, though, the Coquette stirs up powerful emotions, and breakups often prove temporary. The Coquette is addictive: after the failure of the social plan Mao called the Great Leap For- ward, Madame Mao was able to reestablish her power over her devastated husband. The Cold Coquette can stimulate a particularly deep hatred. Valerie Solanas was a young woman who fell under Andy Warhol's spell. She had written a play that amused him, and she was given the impression he might turn it into a film. She imagined becoming a celebrity. She also got in- volved in the feminist movement, and when, in June 1968, it dawned on her that Warhol was toying with her, she directed her growing rage at men on him and shot him three times, nearly killing him. Cold Coquettes may stimulate feelings that are not so much erotic as intellectual, less passion and more fascination. The hatred they can stir up is all the more insidious and dangerous, for it may not be counterbalanced by a deep love. They must realize the limits of the game, and the disturbing effects they can have on less stable people. Charm is seduction without sex. Charmers are consummate manipulators, masking their cleverness by creating a mood of pleasure and comfort. Their method is simple: they deflect attention from themselves and focus it on their target. They understand your spirit, feel your pain, adapt to your moods. In the presence of a Charmer you feel better about yourself. Charmers do not argue or fight, complain, or pester—what could be more se- ductive? By drawing you in with their indulgence they make you dependent on them, and their power grows. Learn to cast the Charmer's spell by aiming at people's primary weaknesses: vanity and self-esteem.