Joy

Passages

Every passage tagged with this emotion in the Vela corpus. Search the body text, narrow by source or register, click through to a book’s profile to see how the passage sits with the rest of the work.

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• From Escape (2007)

  Lisa argued that Merril should be allowed to continue to see our children, but in Salt Lake City. She made a persuasive case for why it wasn’t good for the children to be forced to travel to Colorado City every two weeks. The fill-in for the guardian ad litem admitted she didn’t know much about the case but said she didn’t see why the children couldn’t travel back and forth. Lisa was brilliantly prepared. She outlined in great detail the incident that had happened, the stress and anger the visits caused, and why this was damaging to the children. When the judge finally issued his opinion, the courtroom fell still. Our lives were on the line. He spoke deliberately and in an even tone. “While I believe it is important for the children involved to have a relationship with their father, I find there is enough evidence to support the need to have the visitation restricted to the Salt Lake City area.” My heart stopped. I’d won. We were safe. I knew Merril would never put the effort into coming up to Salt Lake City. The fight was over. It was a huge win. I had proven that it was not in my children’s interests to ever be in Colorado City. We were finally and truly free. This was a groundbreaking case at many levels. If I could get my children out of the cult, any woman with enough determination could, too. The absolute power the FLDS had over women had been cracked. I had proved that a woman could not only flee and live on her own but also win custody of her children. It was a proud day. Brian After I won custody, I went home to gather up all my children to take them to the zoo. We were going to celebrate! Betty refused to go with us and Arthur was very upset. The younger ones were confused and felt they should be angry, but they were too excited about the zoo to muster any anger. We all had a great time, and when we got home we had pizza and root beer floats. It felt like the weight of the world had been erased from every aspect of my being. The school year started and life began to feel more normal. I was feeling stronger and less debilitated by the PTSD. It wasn’t such an ordeal getting the kids out the door. I was stronger and more optimistic than I’d been since the escape. Merril came through Salt Lake City one night and took the children out to dinner. He was heading home from Canada with a new wife. Merril had married a young girl, Bonnie Blackmore, who was a Canadian citizen. He introduced her to my children as their new mother. Bonnie was barely older than Betty.

• From The Varieties of Religious Experience

  “I was converted in my own bedroom in my father’s rectory house at precisely three o’clock in the afternoon of a hot July day (July 13, 1886). I was in perfect health, having been off from the drink for nearly a month. I was in no way troubled about my soul. In fact, God was not in my thoughts that day. A young lady friend sent me a copy of Professor Drummond’s Natural Law in the Spiritual World, asking me my opinion of it as a literary work only. Being proud of my critical talents and wishing to enhance myself in my new friend’s esteem, I took the book to my bedroom for quiet, intending to give it a thorough study, and then write her what I thought of it. It was here that God met me face to face, and I shall never forget the meeting. ‘He that hath the Son hath life eternal, he that hath not the Son hath not life.’ I had read this scores of times before, but this made all the difference. I was now in God’s presence and my attention was absolutely ‘soldered’ on to this verse, and I was not allowed to proceed with the book till I had fairly considered what these words really involved. Only then was I allowed to proceed, feeling all the while that there was another being in my bedroom, though not seen by me. The stillness was very marvelous, and I felt supremely happy. It was most unquestionably shown me, in one second of time, that I had never touched the Eternal: and that if I died then, I must inevitably be lost. I was undone. I knew it as well as I now know I am saved. The Spirit of God showed it me in ineffable love; there was no terror in it; I felt God’s love so powerfully upon me that only a mighty sorrow crept over me that I had lost all through my own folly; and what was I to do? What could I do? I did not repent even; God never asked me to repent. All I felt was ‘I am undone,’ and God cannot help it, although he loves me. No fault on the part of the Almighty. All the time I was supremely happy: I felt like a little child before his father. I had done wrong, but my Father did not scold me, but loved me most wondrously. Still my doom was sealed. I was lost to a certainty, and being naturally of a brave disposition I did not quail under it, but deep sorrow for the past, mixed with regret for what I had lost, took hold upon me, and my soul thrilled within me to think it was all over. Then there crept in upon me so gently, so lovingly, so unmistakably, a way of escape, and what was it after all? The old, old story over again, told in the simplest way: ‘There is no name under heaven whereby ye can be saved except that of the Lord Jesus Christ.’ No words were spoken to me; my soul seemed to see my Saviour in the spirit, and from that hour to this, nearly nine years now, there has never been in my life one doubt that the Lord Jesus Christ and God the Father both worked upon me that afternoon in July, both differently, and both in the most perfect love conceivable, and I rejoiced there and then in a conversion so astounding that the whole village heard of it in less than twenty‐four hours.

• From Escape (2007)

  It was a relief to go back to Dan’s guest house. I immediately started doing laundry because we didn’t have enough clothing. My children went outside to play, and I’d never seen them more excited or happier. This was a great adventure for them. Little did they know they were never going back. For the second night in a row I put eight happy children to bed. It felt like a miracle. Betty kept up her threatened hunger strike and claimed she would never eat. But I put food in her bedroom at night and when I went up in the morning, the plate was empty. Arthur was quiet now but concerned. I think he understood what I was trying to do and why. But he was afraid I couldn’t pull it off. Harrison awakened me the next morning with his crying. I gave him a bath and then took him outside to pull him around Dan’s reservoir in a wagon. The morning was silent with a shimmer to it. Dew was still on the grass as the sun was beginning to rise. I watched two Canadian geese fly low toward the water, then skid across the surface of the reservoir before gliding to a stop. The world looked brand-new. I was seeing life in color again. For seventeen years I’d lived in a blur of terror and fear. It had taken all my energy to survive my life. I’d noticed a sunset here and there, but there had been no time for beauty, wonder, or marvel. It hit me all at once. I could suddenly see beauty in an ordinary day: the bright green grass, the emerald pines, and the red, red roses on Dan Fisher’s rosebushes. The forbidden color looked especially brilliant to my grateful eyes. I took Harrison out of the wagon and sat with him in the grass. I looked up and saw that the gates at the entrance to Dan’s property were locked and a security guard was stationed outside. For the first time in longer than I could remember, I felt safe. Harrison went into a spasm, and I held his body next to mine to quiet him. When I looked up, I saw a black truck on a hill above Dan’s property. It was an FLDS truck. I was being monitored. My sweet moment vanished. I put Harrison in the wagon and headed back to the guest house. Once inside, I realized I was still safe. The only power the person in the truck had was the power of observation. The next day I went with an attorney to file more paperwork for my order of protection. I also got a call from my father, who tried to convince me to stay out of the courts. He said he was sure Merril would help me work things out and that I didn’t need to make such a big fuss.

• From Three Women (2019)

  And when Jennifer says, Hey Lina, Aidan thinks you’re cute, and we’re gonna have us a double date tonight, this whole world with all its Fridays that feel like Tuesdays and its meat loaf and bullshit dies and a whole new life begins. Everything that happens on this night she will hold on to forever, the feeling of finally getting what she wants. The idea that it is a real thing that happens, that a dream can come true. They are going to meet at the movie theater on this warm and windless September evening. Jennifer’s parents are dropping them off. In the car Lina’s shaved legs are shaking. She’s wearing jean shorts and a pink shirt and her blond hair has fallen perfectly around her shoulders, for once. The car pulls up to the theater and there are the two boys and she can’t believe it, that this is happening. She looks down at her feet as she exits the car because she’s afraid about the look on his face, she’s afraid of his face looking at her face and not finding it pretty enough. And then something pulls her eyes up, something melts the fear. Aidan. There he is, standing there, looking like the man he is turning into quicker than all the other boys. She’s in love with him right away. But this time it’s real. There’s a chemistry. It’s like her bones are magnetically drawn to his bones. He seems shy up close. Nice to see you, Lina, he says. Nice to see you, she says. Aidan holds his hand out to her. Seeing it there, she almost faints. This is suddenly no longer a faraway dream. She didn’t actually will this. She couldn’t have willed it, and that makes it beautiful. She would remember thinking, I didn’t realize my life might be happy. Lina takes his hand with the confidence of someone who knows her hand is suddenly good enough, too. He smiles and breathes out. Rod and Jennifer, who have already French-kissed and probably a good bit more, are less romantic with each other. Lina always thought Jennifer was prettier than herself but tonight she doesn’t. The boys have already purchased the tickets so the four of them walk into the theater. The two girls sit next to each other and Rod goes to sit on the other side of Jennifer and Aidan sits beside Lina. She feels the heat of his body beside her and she has to concentrate very hard on acting normal. She is grateful that they arrived late at the movie, that the house lights have already dimmed, so that he won’t see her red face, her pimples, her exultation.

• From Three Women (2019)

  One day Aidan is going to drink too much, he is going to have kids and a job that doesn’t pay enough to buy the propane for the grill for the birthday parties in the summer. One day Aidan is going to have a big gut and a good deal of regret. He will not be a marine or an astronaut or a ballplayer. He will not sing in a band or swim in the Pacific. Outside of his kids and his wife and the things he will have done for them (which count, but they also do not, in that way a man needs something in outer space to count) he will not have done anything anyone will really remember. Except for who he was to one woman. He was everything. Dear Diary, I’m in love with Aidan Hart and he’s in love with me! And I swear I know this to be true. Nobody on this whole earth has ever been happier. I feel I could explode from the second I wake up. I am so happy I could die. I finally know what it means when people say that. I could die. As winter approaches, the bucking ride of their love story decelerates. It makes Lina hate the season. She feels any loosening of her obsession as acutely as she would feel one of her limbs snapping. School and its obligations weigh on her. Her mother’s nasty remarks fall more sharply. She doesn’t like her winter coat and she doesn’t feel like reading books or learning anything new. Around this time, she hears that a friend of her older sister has a crush on her. It surprises her at the same time that it does not. It’s as if suddenly, because of Aidan, she is visible to the world. She’s popular. She knew it could happen this way. She’d always known. That realization is not calming but the opposite. The friend is not terribly good-looking, but he is older and has many friends and goes to all the parties. In the hallway he comes up to Lina while she is at her locker. She feels his hot breath at her nose. The way he is looking at her doesn’t feel like a crush. It doesn’t even feel that he likes her that much. He tells her about a party that weekend. Asks her if it sounds like something she’d be into. She feels her head bobbing. She’s afraid of not saying yes. She doesn’t think it’s a date but she does like the idea that someone else finds her attractive. It’s like being a display lamp in a lighting store that wasn’t plugged in but now is: suddenly customers are slowing down and going, Hey honey, how about this one?

• From In Search of Paul: How Jesus's Apostle Opposed Rome's Empire with God's Kingdom (2005)

  In another inscription from Gytheum Tiberius replied that he was pleased with divine honors for his father Augustus, but was content himself to have honors “suitable for mortal men” (SEG 11.922). But like it or not, the festival and rites went on unchanged, and Tiberius was honored like a god by having a bull offered to him by the people “on behalf of the safety of our rulers and gods.” Like so many similar rituals from around the Mediterranean, the festival at Gytheum gave the very wealthy a chance to associate themselves with the emperor, gave the youth of the city a familiarity with the imperial family, and, after a highly visible procession, gave banquets to the people in honor of the emperor. Caligula Gaius Julius Caesar Germanicus was affectionately nicknamed Caligula, or “Little Boot,” by soldiers stationed on the Rhine under his father Germanicus. He survived the accidents, assassinations, and poisonings under Tiberius and his power-hungry adviser Sejanus to become emperor in 37 C.E. His appetite for sexual pathology and immediate divinity is well known, if not exaggerated, and he was finally assassinated after only four years of rule. Even in his short reign, Caligula was able to establish some cosmic significance and divine honor abroad. A statue of him was placed in the temple of Apollo on the island of Calymnus, and an accompanying inscription suggests that the temple was dedicated to them both (IGR 6.1022). An oath of loyalty to Caligula survives in inscription from the city of Assos in Turkey, sworn by both Romans and Greeks, but note its full cosmic or, better, apocalyptic and even messianic, imagery: Since the announcement of the coronation of Gaius Caesar Germanicus Augustus, which all mankind had hoped and prayed for, the world has found no measure for its joy, but every city and people has eagerly hastened to view the god as if the happiest age for mankind had now arrived: It seemed good to the council and to the Roman businessmen here among us, and to the people of Assos, to appoint a delegation made up of the noblest and most eminent of the Romans and also of the Greeks, to visit him and offer their best wishes and to implore him to remember the city and take care of it, even as he promised our city upon his first visit to the province in the company of his father Germanicus. (SIG 3.797)

• From Paul and Palestinian Judaism (40th Anniversary Edition) (2017)

  The rather confusing appearance of 'for this purpose' and 'on the condi tion that' may indicate that the 'condition' part of the latter phrase should not be emphasized. Perhaps the meaning of the whole i:> 'with the view to'. 36 In any case, the word 'yoke', as Buchler has pointed out, 'expresses the ... surrender of the Israelite to the Kingship of the Almighty and his obedience to the will of God manifested in His commandments'. 37 We need not recapitulate Biichler's argument here. But he has shown with great force and clarity that taking the yoke does not mean acceptance of a burden imposed, but voluntary and joyful surrender to the entire will of God. 38 The point is not that obeying a commandment, or even all the commandments, earned the exodus, but that God accomplished the exodus so that Israel might obey the commandments and that God made the condition for remaining in the covenant the free intent to obey the commandments, not their successful fulfilment. A good insight into the purpose and meaning of the 'on condition that' passages can be gained by examining Sifra Behar parasha 5.3 (to 25.37f.). We have already noted that this is one of the instances in which it is said that God's delivery of the people from Egypt was conditional on their obeying commandments. We should now note the context of the statement: 'Nor give him your food for profit. I am the Lord' (Lev. 25.37f.). Hence they said: Everyone who accepts the yoke of [the commandment not to charge] interest 35 Sifra Shemini pereq 12.4 (to I 1.45). 36 So Buchler translates it, Studies in Sin and Atonement, p. 92. Similarly, one cannot be sure whether Sifre Num. II5 (128; to 15.41) should be translated, 'On this condition (al menat ken) I redeemed you: On the condition ('al menat) that I should give decrees and you should keep them' or 'For this purpose I redeemed you: So that I might give decrees and you should keep them'. 37 Studies in Sin and Atonement, p. 93. 38 Ibid., pp. 1-118. 94 Tannaitic Literature [I accepts the yoke of Heaven, and everyone who casts off the yoke of [the command ment not to charge] interest casts off the yoke of Heaven. 'I am the Lord your God, who brought you forth' (25.38). - On this condition I brought you forth from the land of Egypt, on condition that you should accept the commandment [concern ing] interest; for everyone who confesses to (accepts) the commandment [con cerning] interest confesses to {accepts) the exodus from Egypt. And everyone who denies the commandment [concerning] interest denies the exodus from Egypt. 39

• From The Whole Lesbian Sex Book: A Passionate Guide for All of Us (2004)

  The folks at Come As You Are in Toronto are dedicated to making sex accessible to everyone—including people with disabilities. Their website is packed with specific information on making sex toys accessible for disabled customers. To learn more, see The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability: For All of Us Who Live with Disabilities, Chronic Pain and Illness, by Miriam Kaufman, Cory Silverberg, and Fran Odette. Need some new furniture?Hold that position—without straining your neck, back, or wrists. Liberator sells sturdy foam-core wedges, ramps, cubes, and other shapes designed to make it easier to have sex in a variety of positions. Gay men have always known what a difference a sling makes. Lesbians who frequent dungeon parties find out how much easier it is to get fisted—vaginally or anally—with a sling supporting your muscles. Strap-on sex is easier, too, when you can position your partner at a height that spares your lower back. You can find leather slings, complete with stirrups, at JT’s Stockroom, Extreme Restraints, and Mr. S. You supply the chains and eyebolts and ceiling to hang it from. You can also purchase a sling stand if you want to spare your ceiling. Madame S, JT’s, and others sell a line of well-constructed bondage beds. Forged from reinforced steel, with strategically placed restraint points, these beds are for seriously rough play. Full, queen, king. Extreme Restraints sells a folding bondage bed which looks suspiciously like a massage table with cuffs and straps. Hmmm. That gives me an idea…. Do You Want to Explore New Fantasies?Porn! Whether you rent an explicit video, read a collection of erotic fiction, or surf erotica websites, you’ll find that porn can fuel your imagination. What do lesbians look for in video porn? Tastes vary: Hard core. Soft core. Tranny porn. Trannyfag porn. Girl-girl. Girl-boy. Boy-boy. Some lesbians prefer gay male porn for its raw depictions of sexuality. Whether looking for images of tenderness and romance or down-and-dirty back-alley sex, lesbians want authenticity. Having viewed a glut of mainstream porn featuring heterosexual-appearing actresses and unreal sex, lesbians want to see “authentic pleasure and chemistry between the performers,” as one Good Vibrations saleswoman wrote.12 (See chapter 2, Desire and Fantasy, for more on lesbian porn. You’ll find a selection of lesbian porn titles in the bibliography.) Got Your Lube?I love Probe Thin and Silky because it dries quickly without being sticky. It also doesn’t taste bad and feels soooo slick when rubbed on me. Lube is the most essential item in your toy bag. Not only will lubricant make sex more pleasurable, it will keep you from getting raw during vaginal penetration. For anal penetration, lube is a must—the rectum is not self-lubricating, and the friction of a finger or dildo thrusting in and out could tear the delicate tissue.

• From Three Women (2019)

  In the basement it’s terribly cold. He suggests they watch a film. She would rather talk. She feels she needs time to absorb the reality of what’s happening. That this carpet is his carpet, their carpet, and his kids play down here and they watch Ice Age as a family. Mostly, though, it’s very cold so Maggie asks for a blanket. He selects one from a closet. Everything is well arranged. She feels as though she’s at the home of a friend whose parents have more money than hers. She sits on the couch and he sits beside her. He’s already selected a movie—Dan in Real Life. Aaron tells Maggie it reminds him of her, how he feels about her and how much he wants to be with her. She wonders whether he saw it with his wife, whether they barely discussed it, or they laughed and ate rocky road ice cream. The film is about a widower and advice columnist, Dan, who becomes smitten with a stranger named Marie only to find out later at a family gathering that she is involved with his brother. They fall in illicit love. Maggie thinks it’s weird that the main character’s name is Marie. Apparently, it doesn’t bother Aaron. Thirty minutes into the film, Aaron takes Maggie’s hand and says, Kiss me like you said you were going to. She’d texted once, during a confident surge, that she wanted to memorize his entire face with her lips. She didn’t think he’d been paying attention because the text didn’t receive a real response. It was one of the times when he changed the subject. She thought she’d spooked him. But now he seems anything but spooked, leaning in with his dinner breath. Finally, she thinks, his mouth! She can’t believe it. Her heart pounds, her hands shake. His mouth! And just like that, she is inside it. Besides Mateo, Maggie has kissed only boys and grasped their skinny shoulders, tasted their Winston breath. When high school boys kiss, the passion is muted and impatient, like they’re just waiting to undo their pants. This kiss, with this man, is roving, and she feels the five hundred Home Depot trips. Also she feels his desire to convey the full scope of himself. It’s not so much the trips to Home Depot as the silent pronouncement of the tongue—You see, I have been to Home Depot. I have selected the precise stones out there on the walkway. I have stripped a table, and stained it a slightly darker color. I love you, she says. He smiles and says, I love you, too. For the rest of the night they would repeat the sentiment a great number of times while intensely gazing into each other’s eyes.

• From Three Women (2019)

  The first few kisses involve the tongue only slightly, but after the third I love you, his tongue thrust becomes excessive. It isn’t gross at all, but like he couldn’t get enough of her, skating his tongue along the pink roof of her mouth. Next he moves his body on top of hers. They are on the sectional couch. He begins a back-and-forth sliding-plus-pushing motion. In her deposition she will say he was thrusting his pelvis into hers. In layman’s terms, he is dry-humping her. She likes it; it gives her pleasure without making her nervous or freaked out and she wants it to go on for hours. Maggie supposes it makes sense that men want to revert to doing high school things after they’ve been married for a while with routine, fully naked insertion. Meanwhile schoolboys long to fuck like porn stars, unclothed and poundingly. In a while Aaron suggests they move into the spare bedroom, where he takes off his Spamalot shirt. He pulls down her jeans, and her underwear, in separate trips. She goes to undo the belt on his pants but he says, No. She feels she’s done something wrong. Softly, he says, I want to wait until you’re eighteen. It’s unclear whether he means to have sex or for her to get a look at his penis. She smiles. Her hand hovers around the golden button of his jeans. He growls. She has never heard a man actually do that in real life before. Ohhh you’re seducing me, he says. Now I’m gonna have to do this. He slips two fingers in her. They are kissing and he is waving traffic ahead. He takes himself down the length of her body until his mouth locks between her legs. She says his name out loud for the first time. All this time she’s avoided it, the way she avoids calling her friends’ parents by their first names and ends up never addressing them at all. She’s done the same thing with Aaron for the past few months, until now. Oh, Aaron! she says. She doesn’t moan too loud, because she is aware of his children upstairs. He brings her to orgasm. He is the first man ever to do this, though two and a half men came before him. He smiles proudly, emerging from between her thighs. With a voice that sounds like he has just smoked many cigarettes he says, I like the way you taste. Maggie, breathing hard, says, Don’t they all taste the same? Laughing, he says, No. Nonono.

• From Three Women (2019)

  A group of Maggie’s friends gather at someone’s house. It isn’t a remarkable evening except that a picture is taken, of Maggie and her friends Lora and Nicol, and the reason those three appear in a photograph is that they are the only blonds in the room—all the others are brunettes—and it’s funny, so they take a picture. During the course of the evening Maggie looks at her phone a lot. Nobody seems to notice. Everybody looks at their phones a lot. She has been texting with Aaron the way any girl would text with her boyfriend when they are both out with others. Aaron is with Mr. Krinke at TGI Friday’s, near the West Acres mall. Would you like to come pick me up? She sees the words and her heart flutters. She makes up an excuse to the roomful of brunettes and the two blonds. She drives to the chain restaurant, listening to music. She looks at her face in the rearview mirror. She wonders, in the car, what he is doing while he waits for her. Has he been texting Marie? Looking up sports scores? What did he say to Krinke about how he was getting home? She wonders if he wonders as much about her as she does about him. Now that they have been physical, she feels they will never not be physical. She texts when she gets there and waits in the lot. The car is her mother’s red Taurus. He comes to the door and gets in. At first there’s fearquick but once he’s in and she’s driving, lovecrush explodes all around them, filling the Taurus like a warm gas. When he kisses her, she tastes the alcohol on his breath. She isn’t sure what kind it is but knows it’s not beer. He speaks more lovingly than usual. He isn’t slurring his words but he is less coherent and also less careful. They drive down Thirteenth Avenue, which is one of the main arteries. Maggie can smell her mom’s scent in the car and hopes Aaron cannot. Suddenly, he starts. He thinks someone in the next car has recognized him. She says, Who? I don’t know, he says, but I think the person goes to West Fargo. Huh? Just get off this road, he says. She feels, again, that she’s done something wrong. They get to a residential area and he calms down. They drive around for a while, talking about their relationship. Soon he gets his hands down her pants and she begins to hoist her rear off the driver’s seat to give him more access. She nearly clips a parked car. At first she’s worried he’ll freak out but he doesn’t. He laughs and leans into her, kissing her neck. She feels so happy. The near-crash feels like a testament to their passion. But eventually the liquor begins to wear off him and she can tell she’s going to lose him. Fuck, she thinks. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

• From Saint Thomas Aquinas Collection (22 Books) (2016)

  ORIGEN. Or, because God who had been with them in the cloud by day, and in the pillar of fire by night, (Exod. 13:21.) never after shewed Himself to them in like manner. In Isaiah (Is. 5:7.) the people of the Jews is called the vineyard, and the threats of the householder are against the vineyard; but in the Gospel not the vineyard but the husbandmen are blamed. For perchance in the Gospel the vineyard is the kingdom of God, that is, the doctrine which is contained in holy Scripture; and a man’s blameless life is the fruit of the vineyard. And the letter of Scripture is the hedge set round the vineyard, that the fruits which are hid in it should not be seen by those who are without. The depth of the oracles of God is the winepress of the vineyard, into which such as have profited in the oracles of God pour out their studies like fruit. The tower built therein is the word concerning God Himself, and concerning Christ’s dispensations. This vineyard He committed to husbandmen, that is, to the people that was before us, both priests and laity, and went into a far country, by His departure giving opportunity to the husbandmen. The time of the vintage drawing near may be taken of individuals, and of nations. The first season of life is in infancy, when the vineyard has nought to shew, but that it has in it the vital power. As soon as it comes to be able to speak, then is the time of putting forth buds. And as the child’s soul progresses, so also does the vineyard, that is, the word of God; and after such progress the vineyard brings forth the ripe fruit of love, joy, peace, and the like. Moreover to the nation who received the Law by Moses, the time of fruit draweth near. RABANUS. The season of fruit, He says, not of rent-paying, because this stiff-necked nation brings forth no fruit. CHRYSOSTOM. (non occ. ap. Chrys.) He calls the Prophets servants, who as the Lord’s Priests offer the fruits of the people, and the proofs of their obedience in their works. But they shewed their wickedness not only in refusing the fruits, but in having indignation against those that come to them, as it follows, And the husbandmen took his servants, and beat one, and killed another, and stoned another. JEROME. Beat them, as Jeremiah, killed them, as Isaiah, stoned them, as Naboth and Zacharias, whom they slew between the temple and the altar. PSEUDO-CHRYSOSTOM. At each step of their wickedness the mercy of God was increased, and at each step of the Divine mercy the wickedness of the Jews increased; thus there was a strife between human wickedness and Divine goodness. HILARY. These more than the first who were sent, denote that time, when, after the preaching of single Prophets, a great number was sent forth together.

• From The Varieties of Religious Experience

  “In the midst of all my joys, in less than half an hour after my soul was set at liberty, the Lord discovered to me my labor in the ministry and call to preach the gospel. I cried out, Amen, Lord, I’ll go; send me, send me. I spent the greatest part of the night in ecstasies of joy, praising and adoring the Ancient of Days for his free and unbounded grace. After I had been so long in this transport and heavenly frame that my nature seemed to require sleep, I thought to close my eyes for a few moments; then the devil stepped in, and told me that if I went to sleep, I should lose it all, and when I should awake in the morning I would find it to be nothing but a fancy and delusion. I immediately cried out, O Lord God, if I am deceived, undeceive me. “I then closed my eyes for a few minutes, and seemed to be refreshed with sleep; and when I awoke, the first inquiry was, Where is my God? And in an instant of time, my soul seemed awake in and with God, and surrounded by the arms of everlasting love. About sunrise I arose with joy to relate to my parents what God had done for my soul, and declared to them the miracle of God’s unbounded grace. I took a Bible to show them the words that were impressed by God on my soul the evening before; but when I came to open the Bible, it appeared all new to me. “I so longed to be useful in the cause of Christ, in preaching the gospel, that it seemed as if I could not rest any longer, but go I must and tell the wonders of redeeming love. I lost all taste for carnal pleasures, and carnal company, and was enabled to forsake them.”(120) Young Mr. Alline, after the briefest of delays, and with no book‐learning but his Bible, and no teaching save that of his own experience, became a Christian minister, and thenceforward his life was fit to rank, for its austerity and single‐mindedness, with that of the most devoted saints. But happy as he became in his strenuous way, he never got his taste for even the most innocent carnal pleasures back. We must class him, like Bunyan and Tolstoy, amongst those upon whose soul the iron of melancholy left a permanent imprint. His redemption was into another universe than this mere natural world, and life remained for him a sad and patient trial. Years later we can find him making such an entry as this in his diary: “On Wednesday the 12th I preached at a wedding, and had the happiness thereby to be the means of excluding carnal mirth.”

• From Three Women (2019)

  It takes years to get to the first kiss, maybe it’s only minutes but to Lina it feels like years. She grasps him, gently, at the chin and brings his face to hers. She inhales the acid of his breath. At first it is unsure and slow and gentle and then it explodes off a precipice, into something that cannot be contained between their mouths. The way he French-kisses me, she will tell the discussion group later, it’s like he’s inside my body and flipping a big ole switch and I just turn on, all of me lights up. She will shudder, recalling the weight of his firm tongue. Lina has lived an entire lifetime between her first kiss with Aidan and this kiss with Aidan. She has gotten married and had two children and more than one golden retriever has died and she has peeled four thousand garlic cloves. But the whole time it’s as though she has been a sleeping beauty in between these two kisses. The way he French-kisses me, she will say, is the best kissing in the whole world. She says this so many times the other women will have no choice but to believe her. One of her favorite movies is The Princess Bride, and in that movie Peter Falk narrates the three truest-love kisses of all time, and this first adult kiss with Aidan and all the kisses to follow are Lina’s real-life Princess Bride. The other women might judge her notion of true love, but in Lina’s brain and in her heart, her version of the truth is the only one that matters. To defend herself, she will say that kissing is more important to her than anything else in the world, than money and help around the house, and she has hated Ed for keeping his kisses from her. And now here is Aidan, sucking her deep into his own mouth. That night Lina is menstruating. She uses pads instead of tampons because she has endometriosis and tampons aggravate the condition. Being a mother and having reached a moment of sexual self-actualization, Lina speaks freely of feminine blood, of anything that happens between her and the toilet, not because it’s cool to be unguarded. Lina’s openness is organic. She tells the lumpy parts like they are beautiful parts. So she tells Aidan she is having her period. At first, he ignores this. He pulls off her shirt and bra. She undoes the belt of his pants and he lets them slip down. She tries pushing him against the wall but he’s a trunk and doesn’t move and this turns her on so much. She could throw her husband up a stairwell. She kneels down before Aidan and she’s thinking she is so lucky, she is so happy. This raw need being met. This raw man being hers right this moment.

• From The Divine Comedy (1950)

  Wherefore accordant to the colour of the locks7 of such grace, needs must the lofty light enchaplet them after their worth. Wherefore, without reward for their own ways, they are placed in different ranks, differing only in their primal keenness.8 Thus, in the new-born ages the parents’ faith alone sufficed, with innocence, to secure salvation; when the first ages were complete male children behoved to gather power to their innocent wings by circumcision. But when the time of grace had come, then without perfect baptism of Christ such innocence was held back there below.9 Look now upon the face which is most likened unto Christ; for its brightness, and no other, hath power to fit thee to see Christ.” I saw rain down upon that face such joyance (borne on the sacred minds created for flying through that lofty region), that all which I had seen before held me not in suspense of so great marvelling, nor showed me so great semblance of God. And that Love which first descended to her, singing: Hail, Mary, full of grace now spread his wings before her. The divine canticle was answered from every side by the blest Court, so that every face thereby gathered serenity. “O holy Father, who for my sake acceptest being here below, leaving the sweet place wherein thou sittest by eternal lot, what is that angel who with such delight looketh our Queen in the eyes, enamoured so he seemeth all aflame?” So did I turn again unto his teaching who drew beauty from Mary, as from the sun the morning star. And he to me, “Exultancy and winsomeness as much as there may be in angel or in soul, is all in him; and we would have it so, for he it is who brought down the palm to Mary, when the Son of God willed to load him with our burden. But come now with thine eyes even as I shall traverse in discourse, and note the great patricians of this most just and pious empire. Those two who sit up there, most blest by being nearest to the Empress, are as two roots of this our rose. He who neighboureth her upon the left is that Father because of whose audacious tasting the human race tasteth such bitterness. On the right, look upon that ancient Father of Holy Church to whom Christ commended the keys of this lovesome flower. And he who, ere he died, saw all the grievous seasons of that fair spouse who with the lance and with the nails was won,10 sitteth by his side; and by the other resteth that leader under whom was fed by manna the folk ungrateful, fickle and mutinous. Over against Peter see Anna sit, so satisfied to gaze upon her daughter that she removeth not her eyes to sing Hosanna. And o’er against the greatest of housefathers sitteth Lucy who moved thy Lady when thou wert stooping down thy brows to thy destruction.11

• From Don't Feed the Monkey Mind: How to Stop the Cycle of Anxiety, Fear, and Worry (2017)

  By the end of each week she had a constellation of proof to herself that her practice was progressing. Co-coaching [image "40%" file=Image00059.jpg] Patting yourself on the back, awarding yourself imaginary points, and drawing stars or happy faces on your Expansion Chart are only some of the many ways you can coach and reward yourself for practicing expansion. If your friend or partner is also practicing, you can support each other. After a trying day it’s tempting to treat our friends and partners as a kind of dumpster for our frustrations, but when we’ve been practicing expansion, our stories are more positive. Descriptions of the challenges we faced, the negative emotion we processed, and the new experience and learning we had are exciting to recount and inspiring to hear. When I am doing my practices, I look forward to sharing them with my husband that evening at dinner. And yes, I love it when he says “Wow! That was inspiring.” Whether you are receiving praise from a friend or loved one, from a therapist or from yourself, you are keeping your focus on what matters—your values, your strategies, your process—not those of the monkey. Praise is the jet fuel that will do the heavy lifting, getting your practice off the ground. Don’t be stingy with yourself. Make giving and receiving praise a permanent part of your practice. In fact, why not begin right now? Reach your hand around your shoulder and give yourself a pat on the back for your willingness to read this far in the book! Cruising Since I used the analogy of flight for your practice—using praise as your jet fuel—you may be wondering, Do I ever get to cruise at altitude? [image "40%" file=Image00060.jpg] Yes, one day you’ll look out your metaphorical window and see you’re above the clouds, and the problems that once loomed so large will appear as tiny specks below. Your old behavior of constantly second-guessing your stock picks, with practice, may be replaced by reevaluating investments on an annual basis. Being afraid to be heard at meetings might evolve into speaking up when you have something to say. Or perhaps the need to get your husband’s approval for everything will change to following your heart even if he may disapprove. Maybe you’ll find yourself falling asleep at night without a worry in the world. You might be tempted to think, I’ve made it . Don’t. Expansive living is a lifelong journey with unbounded challenges as well as rewards. I cannot predict how high or how far your practice will take you. What living beyond the limitations of the monkey mind-set will look like for you is for you alone to discover.

• From Saint Thomas Aquinas Collection (22 Books) (2016)

  GLOSS. But Judah is the only one mentioned by name, and that because the Lord was descended from him only. But in each of the Patriarchs we must note not their history only, but the allegorical and moral meaning to be drawn from them; allegory, in seeing whom each of the Fathers foreshewed; moral instruction in that through each one of the Fathers some virtue may be edified in us either through the signification of his name, or through his exampleg. Abraham is in many respects a figure of Christ, and chiefly in his name, which is interpreted the Father of many nations, and Christ is Father of many believers. Abraham moreover went out from his own kindred, and abode in a strange land; in like manner Christ, leaving the Jewish nation, went by His preachers throughout the Gentiles. PSEUDO-CHRYSOSTOM. Isaac is interpreted ‘laughter,’ but the laughter of the saints is not the foolish convulsion of the lips, but the rational joy of the heart, which was the mystery of Christ. For as he was granted to his parents in their extreme age to their great joy, that it might be known that he was not the child of nature, but of grace, thus Christ also in this last time came of a Jewish mother to be the joy of the whole earth; the one of a virgin, the other of a woman past the age, both contrary to the expectation of nature. REMIGIUS. Jacob is interpreted ‘supplanter,’ and it is said of Christ, Thou hast cast down beneath Me them that rose up against Me. (Ps. 18:43.) PSEUDO-CHRYSOSTOM. Our Jacob in like manner begot the twelve Apostles in the Spirit, not in the flesh; in word, not in blood. Judah is interpreted ‘confessor,’ for he was a type of Christ who was to be the confessor of His Father, as He spake, I confess to Thee, Father, Lord of heaven and earth. GLOSS. Morally; Abraham signifies to us the virtue of faith in Christ, as an example himself, as it is said of him, Abraham believed God, and it was accounted unto Him for righteousness. Isaac may represent hope; for Isaac is interpreted ‘laughter,’ as he was the joy of his parents; and hope is our joy, making ns to hope for eternal blessings and to joy in them. Abraham begat Isaac, and faith begets hope. Jacob signifies ‘love,’ for love embraces two lives; active in the love of our neighbour, contemplative in the love of God; the active is signified by Leah, the contemplative by Rachel. For Leah is interpreted. ‘labouringh,’ for she is active in labour; Racheli ‘having seen the beginning,’ because by the contemplative, the beginning, that is God, is seen. Jacob is born of two parents, as love is born of faith and hope; for what we believe, we both hope for and love.

• From The Spiritual Works of Leo Tolstoy (selected nonfiction) (2016)

  All that had undermined my belief in the truth of Christ’s doctrine and had made it seem impracticable; all that had set me against it, such as having to endure privation, suffering, and death at the hands of those who do not know His doctrine, is just what now confirms its truth in my eyes and attracts me toward it. Christ has said, ‘When you lift up the son of man, all will be drawn up,’ and I felt myself irresistibly drawn to Him. He said, likewise, ‘The truth will set you free,’ and I felt completely free. I had previously thought that enemies would come to make war or wicked men would assault me, and if I did not defend myself they would despoil me and all my family; they would abuse us, torture and kill me and mine; and this seemed horrible to me. But all that troubled me before has now turned to joy, and confirmed the truth. I know that my enemies, the so-called wicked men of the world – robbers, etc. – are men, and are the ‘sons of men’; that they, like me, bear love for goodness and hatred of evil innate in them; that they live, as I do, on the eve of death, and, like me, can only be saved by fulfilling the doctrine of Christ. If the truth is unknown to them, and they do evil, my knowing the truth makes it my duty to reveal it to those who do not know it. I cannot do so otherwise than by refusing to take any part in evil, and by confessing the truth by my deeds. You say if enemies, such as Germans, Turks, or savages, come to attack you, and if you do not make war, they will kill you all. This is an error. If there were a society of Christians who did no evil to anybody, and who gave the surplus of their labor to others, no enemies, either Germans, Turks, or savages, would torture or kill them. They would take what these Christians (for whom there would exist no difference between Germans, Turks, or savages) would give up to them. If a Christian is called upon to take part in war, that is the moment for him to testify the truth to those who do not know it. Nor can he testify it in any other way than in deed, by refusing to go to war and doing good to all, whether they are enemies or not. But if the family of a Christian is assaulted, not by foreign enemies, but by wicked men in his own country, if he does not defend himself, he and his family will be robbed, tortured, and killed. This is an error, again. If all the members of a family were Christians, and gave up their lives to the service of others, not one man would despoil them or kill them.

• From Three Women (2019)

  They had never talked so much. They walked out of the bathroom together, just talk talk talking. They moved to the edge of the bed and absently watched television together, laughing occasionally about something on the screen. They sat very close. He began to lean his body into hers and her pelvis heated up. She was tingling all over. She badly wanted him inside her but at the same time she didn’t want the moment to end. She worried that fucking might erase it. He looked at her then, in a way that made her nearly cry. In fact, she’d caught him looking at her a lot that night and it made her feel so good that she figured he’d never really looked at her before. She laid her head down on his lap because she couldn’t handle having his eyes on her. His gaze made her heart thrum violently against her ribs. She considered every move she made; she tried to quantify how much of it was her thinking about what the best thing to do might be, to keep him engaged, versus what her body naturally wanted to do. He bent down and kissed her. He kissed her ears and her neck and her lips. It felt like crystals exploding under her skin. He leaned over and propped himself up on his big arms, right over her chest, and began to kiss her deeply. She caressed him as he kissed her all over. He brought his mouth to her ear and whispered, I want to lick you. She moaned loudly, nearly coming at the words alone. She sat up and took off her shirt and her bra. He knelt at the end of the bed. All she wanted to do was watch him. He slid her closer and closer to the edge, like a gynecological exam. He spread her legs to the sides and started kissing between her thighs. Little, gentle kisses that she couldn’t have predicted a man of his heft would perform. He slid his hands up to the outer parts of her thighs and up the sides of her waist to rub her breasts and brushed his fingertips over her nipples. He gently squeezed and massaged her breasts. His mouth never stopped sucking and kissing. He twirled his tongue on her clitoris, then squeezed it inside her. He pulled her clit with either his lips or his front teeth, she was not quite sure which, but she felt herself grow very hard down there and every time he tugged she felt a shock, a tiny electric orgasm. She jerked like a subject in a scientific experiment.

• From Three Women (2019)

  She said, Mmm hmm. Her eyes began to involuntarily squint and her mouth broke open in a puff of pleasure. She was coming but it didn’t feel like herself coming. It felt like some other woman. A woman who wasn’t as scared or lonely. She screamed out, moaned as though the old Lina was dying and a new one was being born. An animal version, a smooth-skinned, tough-gutted calf. He rolled her over so that he was on top and began to kiss her violently. The kisses were not as romantic as usual; these were deep and wet, almost uncontrollable because of his intense thrusting and heavy breathing. She liked these new kisses. She felt she was cheating on their intense and connective French-kissing, and this feeling turned her on. I love you, he said, I love this pussy, I love you. I love you, Lina. I love your pussy. Her ears rang. She couldn’t believe what she’d heard. He softly asked, then, if she wanted him to come inside her, or where. Yes, she said, that’d be great, or anywhere, I just want to make you come so much. He began to come inside her. She felt his whole body plunging itself, discharging its energy. Then she hurriedly said, In my mouth in my mouth! He said, Hunh-uh, because he couldn’t make it there in time. It was so charming, his boyish faltering. She loved it. They held each other. Her body was misted in the most glorious sweat. She felt safe. Nothing hurt. After a good long time, he said they should probably relax and eat now. I am as relaxed as can be right now, Lina said. Uh-huh, he said, as if it was very true for him as well. He cleaned up in the bathroom. Then Lina went and did the same. She got her pajamas on. She cleared a spot on the couch because his things were strewn all over the place. He cleared it more for them. They sat and ate fries and chicken sandwiches. They didn’t use any condiments. She was still eating when he went and lay in bed. He closed his eyes off and on. She’d look over and he would look back at her now and then. She went to the bathroom and washed her face. In the mirror she smiled at herself. Even the imperfections looked good; she looked like a happy, loved woman. She returned to the bed and checked her phone to make sure the kids were all right. Suddenly Aidan opened his eyes and really, really looked at her. She felt her instincts take over. She could feel the smile on her face. She cocked her head to one side. She knew she looked cute and sexy at once, and she could feel him seeing her. Truly seeing her.