Guilt

Passages

Every passage tagged with this emotion in the Vela corpus. Search the body text, narrow by source or register, click through to a book’s profile to see how the passage sits with the rest of the work.

Page 82 of 99 · 20 per page

• From A Hebrew and English Lexicon of the Old Testament (BDB) (1907)

  +II. NW) vb. only Niph. Hiph. beguile, deceive ;—(kindred with I. ,שוא‎ from which, however, the forms can hardly be derived (conj. We “=? 1)) -__Niph. Pf. 3 pl. 882 Is 19% the princes have been beguiled (|| (הַתָעוּ נּאָלוּ‎ Hiph. Pf NOT 26.40. sf. ‘RET Gn 3%, wen Ob?; 2 ms, הִשָאתָ‎ 16 49; 3 1. + PT 07; Impf. only juss. יש'א‎ 2 Ch 32", so y 55" Qr (v. infr.); ישא‎ 2K 18" Is 36%, sf. JN? 2K 19” Is 37”; 2 mpl. NWA Je 37°; Inf. abs. UO Je 4";—beguile, usu. c. acc. pers. Gn 3" (J ; not elsewh. Hex) ; Je 49 Ob*’; INET OS 2K 19” let not thy God beguile thee = Is 37", of Hezekiah 2 Ch 32" (cf. infr.), אַלְדְתַּשָאוּ‎ pa nwa: Je 37° do not deceive yourselves; also sq. ל‎ pers. DID NUON 2 K 18% = Is 36" (= 2 Ch 32%, v. supr.), Je 29°; pyd ONG הַשָא‎ N10 4" thou hast utterly beguiled this people ; ישימות עָלִימו‎ + 515 Kt appar. = 0807017008 (be) upon 6 7 (but elsewh. only in n.pr.loc., ef. p: 445 supr.), > Qr מָוָת עלימו‎ N'Y) Ew Ol Pe De Now ™?, cf. G, let death (beguile them, i.e.) come deceitfully upon them/ Briill Che, cf. Bae, conj. plausibly ישיא מָוֶת יִבְלְעָמו‎ n.[m.]| guile, dissimulation (>‏ משאון1 acc. to Lag®\* der. fr. NW, lending on usury) ;‏ NBIN Pr 26” hatred may hide‏ שָנְאָה jinwioa‏ itself with dissimulation.‏ 1 משואות‎ 1 deceptions 738 74) but meaning not suitable; read prob. משואות‎ v. TSW sub שוא‎ (so Klo Now ™? Bae). I. [N [נש‎ forget, v. 11. 782, vb. blow (NH = BH; ₪ 3¥3‏ [נשב]1 (but also 22), Syr. eas, all blow; || form of‏ OM Is 40! the‏ ”122 בו Pf. 3 fs.‏ 041 --;(נשף breath of ® has blown upon tt. Hiph. Impf.‏ IW! 1478 he causes his wind to‏ רוח ms.‏ 3 Gn15" and he drove them‏ וישב blow; ONS‏ away (perh. orig. blow away, drive away by‏ blowing, or by a sound like blowing).‏ ae נשה‎ vb. lend, become a creditor (cf. I. xwi3);—Qal Pf rs. mW) Je 15"; 3 pl. Wi ;יו‎ Pr mw. Ex 22% + 4%.; pl. DWI Ne 5°" + vi Qr (Kt נשָאִים‎ , v. 1. ,(נשא‎ sf. Wi Ts 50';—lend, ucu. 6. ב‎ pers.: ‘IWIN לאנְשִיתִי‎ 46 לד‎ I have not lent, and they have not lent to me, Dt 24% Ne5‘ (Qr; + acc. cogn.), yi? נשה 4

• From A Hebrew and English Lexicon of the Old Testament (BDB) (1907)

  Ts 57"; שָנִי עונם‎ Ez 5 לְפָנִי‎ WY נִכְתֶּם‎ Je 2” the quilt of thine iniquity is marked before me ; מצא ע'‎ Gn 44° (E) ש‎ 36% a. :ע בָ‎ guilt of | iniquity wpon one Nu 157 )2( 18 20° 28 14”; , לא ע'לי‎ Jb 33° (| ער בליהעון ; (זף‎ 59° without my guilt. b. guilt, as great, increased: רב עו[‎ Je me 30°"? Ez 28° Ho o/; ’Y pdvi-nb Gn15°(J); ראשי‎ NYY y 38°; AIDYIPY ע' השִיגוּנִי ;49° ע'‎ 40% ע' גברו מני‎ 654; Y TD עם‎ Is 1%; בע' נלקח‎ Bz 33°. ¢. as a condition, חוללתי .6 : בע'‎ was I brought forth 51'; c. YA expire Jos a2 (P); 6. nid die Je 31° Ez 378 18178 3.389, 8. Consequence of, or punishment for, im- quity (SS include most of these under 2, and do not recognize 3; Buhl thinks this meaning rare, giving only Gn 45 Is 5'5);—’Y FIP) ON ד בדבר הזה‎ ₪ 28% no punishment shall happenunto thee for, etc.; ’y בשא‎ bear the punishment for ini- quity of others Ex 28° Ly 10” (éahe away “y Di 731 מעוז Now?!:28™) 16,Nu 30! (P), Ez 4**5; בע‎ 8 one’s own, Ex 28 Lv g!7 718 1718 198 2017-9 23° Nus' 1418! (P), Ez נדול ע'מנשוא ;415 44 ז‎ Gn 43% (J) my punishment is greater than I can bear; FAY AY Is 40°her punishmentis accepted, רצה ע'.0%‎ Ly 26''-%)11( ; “Y ומצאנו‎ 2 K 7° punish- ment will overtake us; על ע‎ ’y תבה‎ 60% add punishment to their punishment ; ע' הוא יסבל‎ Is 53" the consequences of their iniquities he shall bear, cf. ע' סבלנו‎ La 57; ’y הפגיע בו‎ Is 53°; מזע'‎ Tp freed from punishment Nu 5 (P) Jb 10%; ד בי אני העון‎ ₪ 25% on me the punishment ; ‘yn עלי‎ 28149; ‘pac. various vbs.: Gn19" (J) Lv 2639:39 (A) vr an 1068 Je pine Kz Ane is 28 20.2 ימב 2 עתיע קץ‎ 3 see טב‎ eilaangad ) חטאת‎ DIN), Ts 30" 64°° La ee Ez 4! ד‎ 4i0ae 1 [7] vb. denom. (Gerber) commit iniquity, do wrong (Aram. עוי‎ commit sin, NNY sin, cf. Levy NAW?" °) ;__Qal (late) Pf. 3 6. עוְָתָה‎ 15 she hath done wrong (ec. (9ל‎ ; 1 pl. WW Dn 9° we have committed iniquity (|| SOT). Hiph. commit iniquity ;—Pf. 3 ms. NY 28 19”, rs. DY 247 )| SOM); ד‎ pl. yy 1K 8" =2 Ch 6%, y 106° (all || NOM); Inf. abs, MYO Je 94, estr. sf. העות‎ 2S 74—Jb 337 v. 1. my. + .צנ‎ MY, TAY n.pr.loc. city conquered by Assyrians ;—Y 2 K 17% (van d. 11, ענה == (עוָא‎ 18% 10718 37%; 69 Ara(v), Ava, and (2 K 19") Ovdov, A Avra, GL Away, etc.; site in N. Syria Wkl Alttest. Unters. 102f. Benz : Sachau “4 xii (1897), 48 prop. Emma (Tab. Pent.) ="Iwpa Ptol”, mod.‘ Jim betw. Antioch and Aleppo.—1. TY v. sub 1. my.

• From Fields of Blood: Religion and the History of Violence (2014)

  Innocent III was the most powerful pope in history: he had secured the libertas of the Church and, unlike his predecessors, could command kings and emperors as their monarch. But he headed a society that had almost succumbed to barbarism after the collapse of the Roman Empire and was now in the process of creating the world’s first predominantly commercial economy. All three Abrahamic faiths began with a defiant rejection of inequity and systemic violence, which reflects the persistent conviction of human beings, dating back perhaps to the hunter-gatherer period, that there should be an equitable distribution of resources. Yet this militated against the way Western society was heading. Cathars, Waldenses, and Franciscans all felt torn by this impasse, realizing perhaps that as Jesus had pointed out, all who benefit from the inherent violence of the state are implicated in its cruelty. It seems unlikely that Innocent agonized unduly about this dilemma, though his neurotically exaggerated anti-Cathar rhetoric may express some dis-ease with his position. Far more poignant was the stance of Dominic de Guzmán (c. 1170–1221), founder of the Order of Preachers; like the Franciscans, his friars had adopted a poverty that was so extreme that they could own no property and begged for a living. The mendicant Dominicans traveled throughout Languedoc in pairs trying to bring the “heretics” back to orthodoxy peacefully, reminding them of Saint Paul’s insistence that Christians obey the political authorities. But they were inevitably tainted by their association with the anti-Cathar Crusade, especially after Dominic attended the Lateran Council of 1215 to seek Innocent’s approval of his order. Those Christians who remained loyal to the Church but could see how the intrinsic violence of Christendom violated the gospel teaching were inevitably conflicted. Unable to admit that the “heretics” had a point, yet furious with them for drawing attention to their dilemma, they projected these sentiments outward, in forms monstrous and inhuman. There were paranoid fantasies of a highly organized, clandestine Catharist Church determined to destroy the human race and restore Satan’s kingdom. 102 We shall see that similar conspiracy fears would later erupt in other societies that were going through a traumatic modernization process and would also result in violence. The Council of Rheims (1157) described the Cathars “hiding among the poor and under the veil of religion … moving from place to place and undermining the faith of simple people.” 103 Soon Jews would be said to belong to a similar international conspiracy.

• From Generation Anxiety: A Millennial and Gen Z Guide to Staying Afloat in an Uncertain World (2023)

  If they can’t afford therapy, you can help them find a mentor or spiritual leader who can offer some free guidance. In the meantime, establish set times to speak with your friend about what’s going on so that you are setting boundaries around your time and not feeling burnt-out. Noticing that your sister rarely eats and watching this pattern play out for years. Because you want to keep the peace in the relationship, you don’t say anything. Telling your sister that you’re concerned about her eating behaviors and sharing that you think it would be helpful for her to get an evaluation. Offer to go along with her to get her bloodwork done and/or go to the hospital together. Checking in daily to see whether your spouse took their medication. “Did you take it?” One hour later: “Did you take it?” Helping your spouse with regularly taking their medication by having it out in an easy-to-see place. Asking your partner for the play-by- play of what they discussed in therapy Driving your partner to a therapy session and asking how they’re doing and asking whether you came up in session. without prying for more information. Buying alcohol and other substances and staying out late with your friend to help them numb their pain. Cooking healthy meals with your friend, inviting them for a walk, and developing new self-care practices as a team. Allowing your friend to stay with you for months on end, even though you resent it and it’s causing problems in your other relationships. Letting a friend stay with you for a few weeks while they get back on their feet and then having a plan for them to get their own place. When we’re offering enabled support, it’s typically because we want to control the person or situation through love. We feel that if we check in enough, we just might prevent any pain from happening. While we don’t want our loved ones to be in pain, we have to ask ourselves: Is it actually more about avoiding our own pain? Whether it’s the pain of guilt, anger, unpredictability—our controlling behavior is often a balm to protect ourselves, not just the person who is struggling. It can also be a lot easier to look at someone else’s hardships rather than our own. It’s not uncommon for families to have an “identified patient,” where everyone else can put their time and attention toward the “sick one” so that they rarely have to face their own demons. 104 This is something we all can get curious about. Are we running toward others so that we don’t have to run with ourselves? I certainly saw this hold true with Jessie. As a woman who had fought diligently to get herself into a great undergraduate program, she was quick to let Tony’s setback veer her off her own course.

• From Fields of Blood: Religion and the History of Violence (2014)

  80 The first priority was the Greater Jihad, the struggle to become a better Muslim. Palestinians, Hamas believed, had been weakened by the inauthentic adoption of Western secularism under the PLO, when, the Charter explained, “Islam disappeared from life. Thus, rules were broken, concepts were vilified, values changed ... homelands were invaded, people were subdued.” 81 Hamas did not resort to violence until 1993, the year of the Oslo Accords, when seventeen Palestinians were killed on the Haram al-Sharif, and Hamas activists retaliated in a series of operations against Israeli military targets and Palestinian collaborators. After Oslo, support for the militant Islamist groups dropped to 13 percent of the Palestinian population, but it rose to a third when Palestinians found that they were subjected to harsh and exceptional regulations and that Israel would retain indefinite sovereignty over Gaza and the West Bank. 82 The Hebron massacre was a watershed. After the forty-day mourning period, a Hamas suicide bomber killed seven Israeli citizens in Afula in Israel proper, and this was followed by four operations in Jerusalem and Tel Aviv, the most deadly of which was a bus bombing in Tel Aviv on October 19, 1994, which killed twenty-three people and injured nearly fifty. The murder of innocent civilians and the exploitation of adolescents for these actions was morally repugnant, damaged the Palestinian cause abroad, and split the movement. Some Hamas leaders argued that by losing the moral high ground, Hamas had strengthened the Israeli position. 83 Others retorted that Hamas was merely responding in kind to Israel’s aggression against Palestinian civilians, which indeed had increased after the outbreak of the Second Intifada, when there were more bombings, missile attacks, and assassinations of Palestinian leaders. Ulema abroad were equally divided. Sheikh Tantawi, grand mufti of Egypt, defended suicide bombing as the only way for Palestinians to counter the military might of Israel, and Sheikh al-Qaradawi in Yemen argued that it was legitimate self-defense. 84 But Sheikh al-Sheikh, grand mufti of Saudi Arabia, protested that the Quran strictly forbade suicide and that Islamic law prohibited the killing of civilians. In 2005 Hamas abandoned the suicide attack and focused instead on creating a conventional military apparatus in Gaza. Some Western analysts have argued that suicide killing is deeply embedded in the Islamic tradition. 85 But if that were so, why was “revolutionary suicide” unknown in Sunni Islam before the late twentieth century? Why have not more militant Islamist movements adopted this tactic? And why have both Hamas and Hizbollah abandoned it? 86 It is certainly true that Hamas drew upon the Quran and ahadith to motivate the bombers with fantasies of paradise. But the suicide attack was in fact invented by the Tamil Tigers of Sri Lanka, a nationalist separatist group with no time for religion, who have claimed responsibility for over 260 suicide operations in two decades.

• From Get Out of Your Head: Stopping the Cycle of Anxious Thoughts (2020)

  An Unlikely Pleasure Not long ago, my daughter Kate and I were talking about a show we liked on Netflix, when she said, “I love it. But I also hate it, you know?” She went on to say that she’s been realizing that the completely socially acceptable choice to veg out with Netflix is hardly a benign one. “When I spend a night doing that,” Kate said, “instead of, say, reading my Bible or sitting with God in prayer, I get pointed in a totally different direction than if I’d done the more life-giving thing.” She laughed. “I don’t know if that makes me a nerd or what.” “We should all be so nerdy,” I said. Here’s the thing. I believe the Bible. I want to live what it says. I want to be more like Jesus each day. And despite these noble intentions, the fact is, I can’t conjure humility myself. There is a reason our first choice in this part of the book involved being still and seeking God. We can’t become more like Him apart from Him imparting Himself to us. Humility comes only when I choose to be with Him and depend on Him instead of buying the lie that I am enough. A favorite Bible dictionary of mine defines humility this way: “A condition of lowliness or affliction in which one experiences a loss of power and prestige.” It then clarifies the definition with this: “Outside of biblical faith, humility in this sense would not usually be considered a virtue. Within the context of the Judeo-Christian tradition, however, humility is considered the proper attitude of human beings toward their Creator. Humility is a grateful and spontaneous awareness that life is a gift, and it is manifested as an ungrudging and unhypocritical acknowledgment of absolute dependence upon God.”16 Outside of biblical faith, humility would be lunacy. Who wants less power, less prestige? But within biblical faith, it is virtuous, this utter dependence on God. If God created me and loves me, why would I want to steal any of His glory? I can’t steal His glory because I am just human—but why would I even try? The truth is, our hearts aren’t really after power; they’re after joy. And the deception we buy into is that somehow joy will come when we have power. Joy comes when we lay aside our power and rest in God’s. Joy comes when we put the emphasis where it belongs: on God’s awesomeness, not our own.17 There is grace for the process. Cooper is learning this truth, right along with you and me. My not-so-little guy is growing by the minute and needed new shoes, so tonight we headed to our sporting goods store as a family. He’d earned some money and could afford the shoes all his friends wanted. But he chose some that were simple and cost much less.

• From Get Out of Your Head: Stopping the Cycle of Anxious Thoughts (2020)

  The Bible makes it clear that humility comes with benefits,11 but let me provide three specific benefits here, keeping that unfortunate situation with my coworker in mind. Humility Helps Us Let Go of Being Awesome I know something about myself that I used to spend a lot of time trying to cover up: get too close to me and I will disappoint you quickly and often. And while I hate that it is true, it is true. Pedestals make miserable homes, and the sooner my new coworker realizes that she’s working for a sinner who happens to be leading an organization (and who happens to maybe snap at her one time and then feel terrible about it later—ahem), the better. Now, I am not justifying my behavior, but the truth is, I’m going to make mistakes. I’m going to be selfish and sometimes unthoughtful and short. I’m going to let her down. I’m not going to want to do these things, but now and again they will happen. I’m absolutely going to screw up. How do I know these things? Because I’ve come to understand that I’m just not all that great. Before you rush to my defense: I think this understanding is the goal. Caring little about what you think about me. Caring little about what even I think about me. Do you know how much freedom we could experience, if we prized these two simple truths? My son Cooper is ten years old and is the walking, talking epitome of self-importance. I adore that kid, but I stand by my assessment. I think we’re all that way at ten years old: we’re big deals—at least, we think we are. (Middle school usually takes care of such things, so I’m going to let it ride.) Anyway, Cooper, who cares more about clothes and shoes than his two teenage sisters combined, came downstairs the other morning wearing the fancy Air Jordan shoes that his grandmother bought him and reminded me that he “needs” a leather jacket. He’s been asking for one for weeks. I don’t know which of his basketball heroes he saw clad in a leather jacket, but now Cooper’s life will not be complete until he has one of his own. “I just want to be awesome, ” his pleading eyes say to me. And are you and I any different? At ten years old and at forty, our eyes say the very same thing. When I (finally) chose to humble myself with that coworker and ask her to forgive me for what I had done, I was relieved. I had done the backward thing God asks of us, that thing you and I tend to hate. I’d humbled myself. I’d apologized. I’d made things right again.

• From A Hebrew and English Lexicon of the Old Testament (BDB) (1907)

  "SDM Is 387 ץ‎ 51", WSN ץ "0 תכ‎ 103”, חַסְאִיכֶם‎ Is 1;—1. sin: a. againstman נצ)‎ 4 1%)19( Ecto‘. b. elsewh. ag. God, abs. Is317 012% ח' חֶטָא‎ La 18 cf. Dt 19® 2K ח' משפט מות ;"סז‎ sin worthy of death Dt 217=ny9 ח'‎ 22; with a, because of, Dn 9"; God is entreated: hide thy face from my sins 51"; and it is said in faith, thow wilt cast behind thy back all my sins Is 38”. 2. guilt of sin: היה חטא ב‎ sin (the guilt of sin) come on one Dt 15° 21” 23” 24%; בחטאו מת‎ wm his sin (guilt) die Nu 27°(P); בחטאו‎ WN each for his own sin Dt 24%=2 K ז‎ 4%5= 2 Ch 25; בחטא יחמתני אמי‎ + 517 in sin (condition of sin and guilt) my mother con- cetved me; בשנים‎ DINON AN Is 18 though your sins be like scarlet (in guilt) ; לא כחטאינו עשה לנו‎ ץצ‎ 103” not according to our sins (their guilt) hath he done to us. 3. punishment for sin : נשא ח"‎ bear sin (its punishment) Ly 20” 24” (H), Nu 9" 18”(P); with by, bear sin because of Lv 19” 22°(H) Nu18*(P); bear sins of idols (in worshipping idols) Ez 23%; the ideal servant of Yahweh bore the sins of many Is 53° without נשא‎ , only La 3° won גבר על‎ (Gielen doth) a mam (complain) for the ae of his sin? adj. and n.m. 1. sinful, 2. sin-‏ [חטא]1 Am * elsewhere only pl.‏ חַטָאֶה ners—as adj.f.‏ Amo”; sf.‏ הפא Nu 32%4 15 t.; cstr.‏ חטאים MON 15 13°;—1. adj. a. sinful men Nu 32"‏ (J), kingdom Am 9°. b. exposed to condemna-‏ K 1” (cf. Hiph. Pt.‏ ד tion, reckoned as offenders‏ Ts 29”). Elsewh. 2. n.m. sinners Nu 17°(P),‏ ta) ora ope eae‏ 92 כ Am of isn‏ ה TS‏ ו ’n sinners‏ ליהוה ;237 132 1° Pr‏ ®104 Gn 13% (J).‏ י' n.f. sinful thing, sin, Ex 347 (JE)‏ חטאהז isis’.‏ Toren n.f. sin, sin-offering (1)—1. sin, chiefly i in ו‎ phrase? לה‎ ‘T great sin Gn 20°(E) Ex gn (JE), 216 17; ח'‎ MDD W32) he whose sin is covered is blessed ; but the prayer of the wicked becomes sin when he is judged 109’. 2. sin-offering (acc. to most) עולה‎ וחטאה‎ 40! whole burnt-offering and sin- offering (so Vrss Thes MV טכ‎ al., but < whole burnt-offering with sin y. Br ™?**), / ONE n.£.'5*S (Gn 4’ noexceptionfor}'2) 18 noun= crouching beast) sin, sin-offering, ‘nN

• From A Hebrew and English Lexicon of the Old Testament (BDB) (1907)

  (del. We®"?"":), v3" 109 13”; לא נתתי לחטא חכי‎ T have not permitted my palate to sin Jb 31"; Pt, 8OM, used as adj., sinful nation Is 1% sinful person Ez 18*”; but usually as noun, sénner Pr ידד‎ 13” 14” Ec 2” 7% 8” 9?"§ Is 65”. Sin is confessed: חְטָאנוּ‎ we have sinned Nu 14 217 (E) Juro® 18 12% 1K 87=2 026% Nex y 106° La 5 Dng**; הטאתי‎ L have sinned Ex 9” Nu 22* (J) 1S 15% 2 § 2427 1 Ch 21°7 Jb 337. Sin is universal: אשר‎ DIN אין‎ לא יחטא‎ there is no man who sinneth not 1 K 8% = 2 Ch 6% אין צדיק בארץ אשר יעשה טוב‎ DIN כי‎ ולא יחטא‎ 6 7” for man there is none righteous in the earth who doeth good and sinneth not ; with ל‎ against God Gn 20°(E), 39°(J), Ex 32" Nu 32°3(both JB), Dig’ 20F 127 12) 14" I K 938.35.46.50 — 2 Chie? 255: 2 K I זז‎ Ho A Mi .ל‎ Zp 1" Je 40° 44% 507 2 14% Is 42% Jb 8* y 78" 119" Ne1; in confession חטאתי ל‎ Ex 10” Jos 7*(J), 2S 12% חטאנו ל ;51° *41 ץי‎ Dt ב ד סד ו‎ 7° Jes” 8 17% מכ‎ 0" with 2 of instr., lips Jb 21% tongue / 39°; wherein Ez 37” Ly 4% (P), therein Lv 5”(P); ellipsis of 2 in phrase אשר ח' לי‎ ony (their) iniquity wherein they sinned against me 16 337%; בשגנה‎ by error, unwittingly Lv 4757 5° Nu 1578 (all P); against thy judgments Ne 9”; with by with regard to Lv 5° Nu6"(P) Ne 13”; with cognate acc. WNON’N Ex 32°°°1(JE); חטָאת‎ 1ד טא אשר ח"‎ (J) Lv ב‎ 8 (all P) 19”? (H), Dt 9 1 K 14% 15 16" 2 K 21” Ez 18% 33%; חטאת אשר ח' ל‎ Je 16" Ne 1°; by חטאת אשר ח'‎ Ly 4#4(P); חַטָא ח'‎ La 18; NON אשר ח'‎ Dt 19”. 3. incur guilt, penalty by sin, forfeit: וחטאתי לך כל הימים‎ Gn 43° T shall incur the blame of sinning against thee all my days, cf. 44°(J); c. acc. נפש‎ NDIN forfeiting one- self, one’s life Pr 20” Hb 2” acc. to most, yet .זי‎ sub 1.—/N WS והביא אשמו‎ Ly 57 he shall bring his trespass-offering which he has incurred by sin ; קרבנו אשר ח'"‎ Lv 5"; את אשר ח' מןההקדש‎ יי ישלם‎ what he hath incurred by taking of the holy thing he shall pay. Pi. Pf. SON Ly 14”; sf. NOD Nu 19", DNON Ex 29% + 2 t.; 3 pl. NON Ez 43””; Impf. SOO. Ly 8"; sf. STEM Ly 9}, WNW y 51°, TRAN Gn 31%, ויחטאו‎ 2 Ch 209; Inf. SOO Ly 14" Ez 43%; Pt. הַמְחְטָא‎ Ly 6" ;—1. bear loss: אָנְכִי אַחַמֶּנָּה‎ I bare the loss of tt Gn 31° (Ki; 76 missing? poss. rd. 73808 J was made to miss it ?). 307

• From Get Out of Your Head: Stopping the Cycle of Anxious Thoughts (2020)

  But for whatever reason, she won’t go for it! Despite many of us encouraging her because she is truly gifted to do this. Recently we were on the phone catching up, and she expressed some critical perspectives about other people who are running their races. These are people we both love, people who are building and serving and risking their guts out. Now, why would my perfectly lovely, godly, creative friend be so critical? Because—kind of like (she is going to hate this) the grumpy middle-aged men eating nachos in the stands while deciding how the Cowboys should have called that game to beat the Chiefs—she was in the stands, eating nachos, with no skin in the game. We spend a lot of time looking around at others—not so we can encourage them in their growth but so we can figure out how we measure up. We convince ourselves that God wants us to be amazing. We are all about empowerment. But lasting joy will come only when God is in the center; not when I am empowered but when I rest in His power. When our thoughts are consumed with ourselves, we forget how very much we need Jesus. We buy the lie of self-empowerment: “You’ve got this.” We forget that we are called to take up our cross and follow Him, to share in His sufferings, and “to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”8 I react unfairly to a coworker, and then I feel angsty and guilty and mad. To make myself feel better, I stuff those feelings and just move on. Later I feel guilty again, but instead of apologizing, I start listing the reasons I was right and she was wrong. Notice any trends in the litany below? I feel angsty. I feel guilty. I feel mad. I stuff those emotions. I move on. I list reasons. I decide I am right. I, I, I, I, I. A puffed-up pride fills my senses and causes me to keep justifying, defending, abdicating responsibility, and refusing to budge. I am the centerpiece in this little scenario, the one that has fractured the tie between my coworker and me. Humility. It just feels so difficult sometimes, you know? I am no better than a toddler who would rather lose all his favorite things than say, “I’m sorry. I was wrong.” Then I remember Jesus. Guiltless and wrongfully accused. Yet still completely humble of heart. Our friend the apostle Paul pointed to Jesus as our guide for how to let go of greatness.

• From Generation Anxiety: A Millennial and Gen Z Guide to Staying Afloat in an Uncertain World (2023)

  I also don’t work with clients who use substances extensively because it just hurts too much. Even though I’m well aware that relapse is part of the picture when clients are in recovery, I take it too hard when someone uses again after years of sobriety. If you’re resonating with any of this, I know you’ve been carrying a lot. Maybe you blame yourself for not answering the phone that one time. Or you think it’s your fault that your family member relapsed because you got into a fight. My hope is that in reading this, you can unburden yourself of the guilt that you may be carrying. I want to say this loud and clear: you are not responsible for the choices that another person makes. You cannot always control whether someone decides to harm themselves. You cannot be inside their brain. You can’t control their body and what they do to it. Unless someone is hospitalized because they are a risk to themselves or others, or they are a minor, there is only so much you can do. I know it can feel like you could always do a “little more,” but, honestly, the little more that you can do is look after yourself. At the end of the day, it’s up to the person in distress to get the help and implement it. They have to be the one to take the step, especially if it’s going to last. They have to want it for themselves. A NEW WAVE TO RIDE: Do you find yourself frequently worrying about someone and wishing there was more you could do to control the situation? How can you hold loving someone and loving yourself at the same time so that you don’t forgo your own well- being in the process? WHEN YOUR BOARD IS SINKING Like Jessie, you may find that you’ve added everyone and their mothers’ problems to your plate. Jessie was so preoccupied hoping to take care of Tony that she had completely forgotten to take care of herself. When I asked her about this, she told me that it would have been inconsiderate to look after herself when Tony had “much bigger problems” to face. I reminded her that she had the capacity to give herself permission to both care about Tony and look after herself. In fact, caring for herself was a way to show Tony that she wasn’t giving up on either of them. It could even inspire him to do the same for himself. She told me that she hadn’t thought of it that way. Like Jessie, a lot of us stop living our own lives because we feel like we need to constantly look after someone else’s. To be fair, this is where the system has failed us. We have not provided nearly enough resources so that people have equitable access to care. People can’t find therapists or can’t afford them (pro tip: go to a university training clinic for sliding scale options).

• From Tipping the Velvet (1998)

  You won’t hate me for it, will you?’She took her hand away at once. ‘On the streets! My God! Of course I won’t hate you, but - oh, Nance! To think of you as one of them sad girls...’‘I wasn’t sad,’ I said, and looked away. ‘And to tell the truth I - well, I wasn’t quite a girl, either.’‘Not a girl?’ she said. ‘What can you mean?’I scraped at the silken edge of the blanket with my nail. Should I tell my story - the story I had kept so close, so long? I saw her hand upon the sheet and, as my stomach gave another slide, I remembered again her fingers, easing me open, and her fist inside me, slowly turning...I took a breath. ‘Have you ever,’ I said, ‘been to Whitstable ... ?’Once I began it, I found I could not stop. I told her everything - about my life as an oyster-girl; about Kitty Butler, whom I had left my family for, and who had left me, in her turn, for Walter Bliss. I told her about my madness; my masquerade; my life with Mrs Milne and Grace, in Green Street, where she had seen me first. And finally I told her about Diana, and Felicity Place, and Zena.When I stopped talking it was almost light; the parlour seemed chillier than ever. Through all my long narrative Florence had been silent; she had begun to frown when I had reached the part about the renting, and after that the frown had deepened. Now it was very deep indeed.‘You wanted to know,’ I said, ‘what secrets I had...’She looked away. ‘I didn’t think there would be quite so many.’‘You said you wouldn’t hate me, over the renting.’‘It’s so hard to think you did those things - for fun. And — oh, Nance, for such a cruel kind of fun!’‘It was very long ago.’‘To think of all the people you have known - and yet you have no friends.’‘I left them all behind me.’‘Your family. You said when you came here that your family had thrown you over. But it was you threw them over! How they must wonder over you! Do you never think of them?’‘Sometimes, sometimes.’‘And the lady who was so fond of you, in Green Street. Do you never think to call on her, and her daughter?’‘They have moved away; and I tried to find them. And anyway, I was ashamed, because I had neglected them...’‘Neglected them, for that - what was her name?’‘Diana.’‘Diana. Did you care for her, then, so very much?’‘Care for her?’ I propped myself upon my elbow. ‘I hated her!

• From Dreams from My Father: A Story of Race and Inheritance (1995)

  I don’t fault people their suspicions. I learned long ago to distrust my childhood and the stories that shaped it. It was only many years later, after I had sat at my father’s grave and spoken to him through Africa’s red soil, that I could circle back and evaluate these early stories for myself. Or, more accurately, it was only then that I understood that I had spent much of my life trying to rewrite these stories, plugging up holes in the narrative, accommodating unwelcome details, projecting individual choices against the blind sweep of history, all in the hope of extracting some granite slab of truth upon which my unborn children can firmly stand. At some point, then, in spite of a stubborn desire to protect myself from scrutiny, in spite of the periodic impulse to abandon the entire project, what has found its way onto these pages is a record of a personal, interior journey—a boy’s search for his father, and through that search a workable meaning for his life as a black American. The result is autobiographical, although whenever someone’s asked me over the course of these last three years just what the book is about, I’ve usually avoided such a description. An autobiography promises feats worthy of record, conversations with famous people, a central role in important events. There is none of that here. At the very least, an autobiography implies a summing up, a certain closure, that hardly suits someone of my years, still busy charting his way through the world. I can’t even hold up my experience as being somehow representative of the black American experience (“After all, you don’t come from an underprivileged background,” a Manhattan publisher helpfully points out to me); indeed, learning to accept that particular truth—that I can embrace my black brothers and sisters, whether in this country or in Africa, and affirm a common destiny without pretending to speak to, or for, all our various struggles—is part of what this book’s about. Finally, there are the dangers inherent in any autobiographical work: the temptation to color events in ways favorable to the writer, the tendency to overestimate the interest one’s experiences hold for others, selective lapses of memory. Such hazards are only magnified when the writer lacks the wisdom of age; the distance that can cure one of certain vanities. I can’t say that I’ve avoided all, or any, of these hazards successfully. Although much of this book is based on contemporaneous journals or the oral histories of my family, the dialogue is necessarily an approximation of what was actually said or relayed to me. For the sake of compression, some of the characters that appear are composites of people I’ve known, and some events appear out of precise chronology. With the exception of my family and a handful of public figures, the names of most characters have been changed for the sake of their privacy.

• From A Hebrew and English Lexicon of the Old Testament (BDB) (1907)

  פשת against individuals Gn 31" 5077 Ex 22°(E),‏ פ' Pr ro! 17! 28% 296162; mney‏ 25° ”24 18 ro, ef. 17° 19"‏ על כל-פשעים IAS Nan‏ ;125 of nation, against nation: Am 1°98‏ .2 ,28% of land 1285. | Elsewh. 3. against God: a.‏ ;21 Is 581 595 Mi 1°°* 3° Am 5”;‏ חטאת || in gen.,‏ eva‏ פ" ;”18 Ez‏ עשה פ' ;"107 "21 py Ez‏ || APD‏ על ;)1( 5° Is 59” Jb 35° Je‏ רבל ם' ;33% Jb 347 he addeth transgression unto ©‏ חטאתו פ' Is57*; personified as evil spirit,‏ יקדי פ' ; his sin‏ b. as recognized by sinner;‏ 46% נאם פשע he knows it ~51°, makes known concerning‏ Jb 31%;‏ (כסה) it to " 32°, does not cover it‏ turns from it Is59” Ez18"; casts it away from‏ him 132218. 0.6300 deals with it: by wsiting‏ it (7pp) Am 3 * 89”, dealing with one accord-‏ making 16 known to‏ ,™39 192 עשה כ ing to it,‏ sinner Jb 13” 36°; punishing in various ways:‏ because of it Is 537%; 6 by acc. to it Am 2*°‏ כזם/ La r¥ yoke of‏ על 75 :213501 for it,.c.‏ :ללד גי onde Jb 84;‏ בד פ' transgression ; personified,‏ לא נשא ל ’ he does not grant forgiveness to it,‏ it‏ (נשא) Ex 23% 108 24% )13(. d. God forgives‏ Ex 347 Nu 14%)2(, Jb 7”, cf. 32'; pardons‏ ef. Pr igi)‏ עבר K 8°; passes over (by‏ 1 (סלח) y 103"; covers over‏ (הרחיק) Mi 78; removes‏ 65';—ef. (of priest) ‘51 wpa oy 753)‏ (כפר) Ly 16% and confession of ’5 over (by) goat v";‏ ופ' ;51° שש 44% ”43 Is‏ (מחה) —God blots out‏ 39°.—Jb35"‏ הציל מן BINDS 257: delivers from,‏ read YYB forWBq.v. 4. guilt of transgression‏ without (guilt of) transgression‏ 2 פ' ,)2 (cf. yy‏ Ez 33%; 323‏ פ' inoy‏ 59% ש Tb 33° 34% BND‏ INDY‏ ;סז נקיתי מפ' ; ''5 ש Is 24%; B32‏ עליה פ' defile themselves with all (the guilt of ) their‏ לפ transgressions Ez14"37°; “2 W¥2 ON Jbr14™.‏ punishment for transgression, Dn 8° 9”,‏ .5 האתן offering for transgression,‏ .6 .3 עון ef.‏ shall I give my first-born as an‏ 67 ג31 בבורי פשעי (4 הטאת offering for my transgression (cf.‏ Trap n.({m.] solution, interpretation‏ (loan-word from Aram. 812) ;—estr.’p Ec 81.‏ n.[m.] flax, linen (/dub.; NH‏ [פשת]1 FAVA, Pun. door ; Low?) ;—sf. ‘NYS Ho 27;‏ Jos‏ פשתי elsewhere pl. ONWB Jur5"+, estr.‏ Jos 2°‏ פָּשְתִי הָע'ץ flax, after gathering,‏ .2°;—1 inflammable Ju 15" (sim.); as‏ ;)£ 2 עץ (JE, v.‏ natural product (+2¥) Ho 27; as material,‏ 2°NB Ez 40°; of various garthents Je 13' Ez‏ פ' (P), cf. Pr‏ ו FU OCS +23 Dt 22011 Ly I‏ .([שָריק] .צ) 19° 15 עַבְדִי פ' שָריקוּת ;31% 2H‏ פשתה THAW n.f. flax;—’5: 1. growing Ex‏ ge (3). 2. =wick Is 42" 43” (in sim.).‏ .פתת Ns v.‏

• From The Great Transformation (2006)

  This was not a cynical forgery, however. At this time, it was customary for people who wished to impart a new religious teaching to attribute their words to a great figure in the past. The Deuteronomists believed that they were speaking for Moses at a time of grave national crisis. The world had changed drastically since the time of the exodus, and the religion of Yahweh was in danger. In 722, the northern kingdom of Israel had been destroyed, and thousands of its citizens had disappeared without trace. The kingdom of Judah had narrowly escaped extermination in the days of King Hezekiah. Only Yahweh—not the gods whose cult Manasseh had revived—could save his people. Many of the prophets had urged the people to worship Yahweh alone, and now at last Judah had a king who could revive the glories of the past. This was what Moses would say to Josiah and his people, if he were delivering a “second law” today. As soon as he had heard the words on the scroll, Josiah tore his garments in great distress. “Great indeed must be the anger of Yahweh blazing out against us,” he cried, “because our ancestors did not obey what this book says by practising everything written within it.”106 The switch from the oral transmission of religion to a written text was a shock. Here—as elsewhere in the Bible—it evoked a sense of dismay, guilt, and inadequacy.107 Religious truth sounded completely different when presented in this way. Everything was clear, cut-and-dried—very different from the more elusive “knowledge” imparted by oral transmission. In India, people did not believe that it was possible to convey a spiritual teaching in writing: you could not, for example, understand the full meaning of the Upanishads simply by perusing the texts. But the Deuteronomists made Yahwism a religion of the book. Henceforth in the West, the benchmark of religious orthodoxy would be a written scripture. Josiah immediately consulted the prophetess Huldah, for whom the sefer torah meant one thing and one thing only. She received an oracle from Yahweh: “I am bringing disaster on this place and those who live in it, carrying out everything said in the book the king of Judah has read, because they have deserted me and sacrificed to other gods.”108 Reform was clearly essential, and Josiah summoned the whole people to listen to the clear directives of the scroll: In their hearing, he read out everything that was said in the book of the covenant found in the Temple of Yahweh. The king stood by the pillar and made a covenant before Yahweh, to follow Yahweh, keeping his commandments, his decrees and his statutes, with all his heart and soul, to perform the words of the covenant as written in that book. All the people gave their allegiance to the covenant.109 Josiah at once inaugurated a program that followed Yahweh’s torah by the book.

• From Get Out of Your Head: Stopping the Cycle of Anxious Thoughts (2020)

  For the next twenty-four hours, a passage from Scripture kept coming to mind. Whenever my mouth gets me into trouble, in fact, I tend to think of this passage in 1 Peter 2. The context is all about how we should live as God’s chosen, special people, and the short answer is that we’re to follow the example of Jesus. But I’m guessing you knew that! Here’s where it gets complicated, at least for me. Jesus, who came to earth from heaven and took up the form of a human body, lived His life flawlessly and was declared by God to be sinless in the end. This includes the tense confrontation with the religious leaders who decided He would be killed on a Roman cross. This, for a man who, according to verse 22, “committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth.” So Jesus found Himself standing before powerful men, men who held in their hands the power to send Him to His death. They were questioning Him—reviling Him, the text says—asking Him to plead His case. Jesus faced a key decision: How would He respond? The answer convicts me every time. “When he was reviled,” verse 23 says, “he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.” Ugh. Jesus did nothing wrong and held His tongue when falsely accused; my teammate sorta, kinda, maybe misspoke, and I lashed out in response? The Way of Humility We’ve been talking for several chapters now about various choices we can make when confronted with toxic thought patterns, about different thoughts we can choose to think, thoughts that reflect the mind of Christ. When we’re tempted, for example, to use busyness to distract ourselves from dealing with the truth, we can choose instead to be still in the presence of God. When our minds are consumed with anxiety and doubts and fears, we can choose instead to remember what’s true about God. We can think about His nearness. We can think about His goodness. We can think about His provision. We can think about His love. When we’re tempted to believe we’re all alone in this world, we can choose instead the thought, The Spirit of God lives inside of me, and because of that, I’m never alone. There are people who love me, who want to be with me. I can reach out to them instead of sitting here, stuck.

• From Generation Anxiety: A Millennial and Gen Z Guide to Staying Afloat in an Uncertain World (2023)

  This is what happened for Jacob as he let years go by in a miserable relationship because he didn’t want to endure the potential discomfort of making a change. And our brains can be so good at coming up with excuses. Avoidance is sneaky in that way, but I assure you with baby steps, you will see yourself becoming braver and braver. You can handle a higher and higher diving board. This is because you begin to learn that each time you jump, you can swim and navigate the waters you’re in. You can handle the vulnerability in the free fall because you know it will get you to the destination that matters to you. It will bring you back to your values and connect you to the life that you want to be living. That’s worth the jump every time. And before you know it, you’ll be that kid who can’t stop climbing up and jumping off the board because you’re having so much fun that you practically forget that you were afraid to begin with. That’s not to say it will always be easy. For Jacob, he still worried that his old patterns would spring back up in the new relationship he was in. He felt a crushing amount of guilt for leaving the old relationship, and we had to continue to process it for months after. After all, with values induction often comes pain. I would be lying if I said that the progress for Jacob was linear—it never is for any of us. But the important thing is that he realized what mattered to him. He began living his life in a way that felt true to him. He finally jumped in the pool—and was seeing that he could swim after all. I want you to know that you can, too. CHAPTER FOUR EMBRACING THE RIDE EVEN WHEN YOUR OCEAN IS COLD AND SCARY It’s not uncommon for first-time clients to bring a family member or friend to their first session of therapy (I invite you to do the same if you’re hesitant). Luís brought his sister with him, and it was hard to tell who was more nervous. With drops of sweat building on his brow, he glanced up when I called his name in the waiting room. Identifying as a gay, Catholic, Mexican cisgender male, he told me that he wasn’t sure about this whole therapy thing. I tried my best to alleviate his worries, but I could tell the shame cycle had been spinning for a long time with Luís. He seemed embarrassed to be there—like he had failed because he made this appointment. I happened to see it as the opposite. I’m always inspired when clients have the strength to reach out. I hoped that I’d get a chance to help him see that. As we went through the intake process, it became clear that Luís had been struggling with OCD for quite some time.

• From H Is for Hawk (2014)

  They should not be reserved exclusively as perches for hawks. And the wild is not a panacea for the human soul; too much in the air can corrode it to nothing. And by the time I got home I’d worked out, too, why Mabel had been behaving so strangely. She’d grown heavy with muscle over our weeks on the hill, and though she was flying at a higher weight than before, over this last week she’d got too low. She was hungry . Hunger had made her aggressive. I was furious with myself when I realised that first great error on the train. But this second realisation brought self-hatred. I’d been so blind, so miserable, I’d not seen my hawk was miserable too. I’d not seen her at all. I remembered the man I’d fallen for after my father died. I’d hardly known him, but it didn’t matter . I’d recruited him to serve my loss, made him everything I needed. No wonder he had run away. And now I’d made the same mistake again. I’d fled to become a hawk, but in my misery all I had done was turn the hawk into a mirror of me. The next evening, weak with relief and the sense that something huge, something tectonic, had shifted in my world, I gave Mabel a whole dead pigeon to eat in the grey, cool evening. We sat on a chair under the apple tree, listening to blackbirds chinking in the hedge. The house didn’t seem unfriendly any more. The kitchen window threw a soft square of light into the garden. Huge frosty piles of pigeon feathers accumulated on the lawn. And then she ate. Every last scrap. When it was finished her crop was so full she could hardly stand. With the plucking of the pigeon came more revelations, as if with its uncovering other things were uncovered. I thought of the dreams I’d had that spring of the hawk slipping away into air . I’d wanted to follow it, fly with it, and disappear . I had thought for a long while that I was the hawk – one of those sulky goshawks able to vanish into another world, sitting high in the winter trees. But I was not the hawk, no matter how much I pared myself away, no matter how many times I lost myself in blood and leaves and fields. I was the figure standing underneath the tree at nightfall, collar upturned against the damp, waiting patiently for the hawk to return. Mabel was cutting through the crisp ribcage of the pigeon now. She was pulling at the thin intercostal membrane. Snap . I thought of my father shading a pencil over ghostly impressions on the page. Snap . I thought of White and the reasons why his book had haunted me all this time.

• From Dreams from My Father: A Story of Race and Inheritance (1995)

  “They may be police. I tell you, Barack, you don’t know what it’s like to spend a night in a Nairobi jail.” By now, the man on the ground had curled up into a tight ball, trying to protect himself from the haphazard blows. Then, like a trapped animal who senses an opening, the man suddenly jumped to his feet and climbed onto one of the tables to scramble over the wooden fence. His assailants looked as if they were going to give chase but apparently decided that it wasn’t worth it. One of them noticed Roy and me but said nothing, and together the two of them sauntered back inside. I suddenly felt very sober. “That was terrible,” I said. “Yah, well … you don’t know what the other guy did first.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “When were you in jail anyway?” Roy took another swig of beer and fell into one of the metal chairs. “The night David died.” I sat down beside him and he told me the story. They had gone out to drink, he said, in search of a party. They had taken Roy’s motorcycle to a nearby club, and there Roy had met a woman. He had taken a fancy to her, and they started talking. He had bought her a beer, but before long another man had come up and started getting in Roy’s face. The man said he was the woman’s husband and grabbed her by the arm. The woman struggled and fell, and Roy told the man to leave her alone. A fight broke out. The police came, and Roy didn’t have his identification papers, so they took him down to the station. He was thrown in a cell and left there for several hours, until David finally managed to get in to see him. Give me the keys to the motorcycle, David had said, and I can get you the papers you need. No. Just go home. You can’t stay here all night, brother. Give me the keys …. Roy stopped talking. We sat and stared at the shadows, oversized and faint off the lattice fence. “It was an accident, Roy,” I said finally. “It wasn’t your fault. You need to let it go.” Before I could say anything else, I heard Amy hollering behind us, her voice slurring slightly over the music. “Hey, you two! We’ve been looking all over for you!” I started to wave her off, but Roy jerked out of his chair, tipping it to the ground. “Come on, woman,” he said, taking Amy by the waist. “Let’s go dance.” CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

• From Dreams from My Father: A Story of Race and Inheritance (1995)

  “Not much. Maybe a small government pension. A piece of worthless land. I try to stay out of it. Whatever is there has probably been spent on lawyers by now. But you see, everyone expected so much from the Old Man. He made them think that he had everything, even when he had nothing. So now, instead of getting on with their lives, they just wait and argue among themselves, thinking that the Old Man somehow is going to rescue them from his grave. Bernard’s learned this same waiting attitude. You know, he’s really smart, Barack, but he just sits around all day doing nothing. He dropped out of school and doesn’t have much prospect for finding work. I’ve told him that I would help him get into some sort of trade school, whatever he wants, just so he’s doing something, you know. He’ll say okay, but when I ask if he’s gotten any applications or talked to the schoolmasters, nothing’s been done. Sometimes I feel like, unless I take every step with him, nothing will happen.” “Maybe I can help.” “Yes. Maybe you can talk to him. But now that you’re here, coming from America, you’re part of the inheritance, you see. That’s why Sarah wants to see you so much. She thinks I’m hiding you from her because you’re the one with everything.” The rain had started up again as we parked the car. A single light bulb jutting from the side of the building sent webbed, liquid shadows across Auma’s face. “The whole thing gets me so tired, Barack,” she said softly. “You wouldn’t believe how much I missed Kenya when I was in Germany. All I could do was think about getting back home. I thought how I never feel lonely here, and family is everywhere, nobody sends their parents to an old people’s home or leaves their children with strangers. Then I’m here and everyone is asking me for help, and I feel like they are all just grabbing at me and that I’m going to sink. I feel guilty because I was luckier than them. I went to a university. I can get a job. But what can I do, Barack? I’m only one person.” I took Auma’s hand and we remained in the car for several minutes, listening to the rain as it slackened. “You asked me what my dream was,” she said finally. “Sometimes I have this dream that I will build a beautiful house on our grandfather’s land. A big house where we can all stay and bring our families, you see. We could plant fruit trees like our grandfather, and our children would really know the land and speak Luo and learn our ways from the old people. It would belong to them.” “We can do all that, Auma.”