Excitement

Passages

Every passage tagged with this emotion in the Vela corpus. Search the body text, narrow by source or register, click through to a book’s profile to see how the passage sits with the rest of the work.

Page 169 of 182 · 20 per page

• From Christian Saints

  11. Tekle Haymanot: Ethiopian Hermit-Teacher Tekle Haymanot undertook his mission in Shewa just as regional and religious politics became very complicated. In 1285, the Walashma dynasty seized lands stretching from the port of Zeila to Shewa and fashioned them into the kingdom of Ifat. For some decades, the Walashma rulers may have paid tribute to the kings of Damot, who practiced local religions, but other records claim they were tributaries of the Christian king of Ethiopia based in Amhara. While the kings seemed uninterested in evangelizing to their Muslim neighbors, they were very much interested in keeping the tribute from those neighbors flowing. At the same time, the second generation of the renewed Solomonid dynasty were pushing their borders outward into Damot and other areas dominated by local religions. In this, they were accompanied by the evangelizing monks trained by Iyasus Mo’a, Tekle Haymanot, and their followers. After Tekle Haymanot returned to the area of his birth, he began to preach. He encouraged local Christians to observe their own customs rigorously and urged them not to be complacent about the local religions that surrounded them. His gädl at this point is filled with stories of conversions and miraculous conflicts with magicians and sorcerers. Debre Asbo Monastery Tekle Haymanot’s preaching attracted followers, mostly young men from the surrounding Christian communities. Eventually, they settled at Debre Asbo, later called Debre Libanos. The gädl tells the story of Tekle Haymanot’s conversion of a local chief, who became his disciple and helped him acquire the land for the community. The earliest monastery was no more than a cave, partitioned by a straw curtain into a chapel and living space. As the community grew, they began clearing the nearby forest for fields, farming to feed themselves. Debre Asbo was in a particularly advantageous position for evangelical work. It was in a non-Christian region dominated by local religions with some Muslim influence but not far from the borders of Tekle Haymanot’s homeland of Silalish. He could therefore rely on his family connections for some assistance. It was sheltered by a cliff, easy to overlook, but allowed access to the plateau for evangelizing. 83

• From Apprenticed to Venus: My Secret Life with Anaïs Nin (2017)

  When Anaïs and I would have a private tête-à-tête to seriously discuss my search for the one man who would end my search as Rupert had ended hers, she listened with the concentration of a piano tuner. We compared my raunchy affair with an impoverished writer to hers with Henry Miller, my passion for a handsome poet/revolutionary to hers for Gonzolo, and my seduction of a young, gay film director to her attempts with Gore Vidal. These mirror encounters were not really about the men; they were about Anaïs and me, our game of twinship. They were about watching and being watched, the diarist’s obsessions. Now she gave me specific recommendations to seduce Don, offering before I left, “I’ll just have to visit and warm him up for you.” So a date was set for her to have dinner at the Georgina Avenue commune and afterwards address my class and women’s group. [image file=image_rsrc3R3.jpg] The morning of the event, she called to say she’d have to postpone dinner for another time, but she would be there at seven for the talk. I had warned my commune members, my class, and my women’s group not to tell anyone else about Anaïs’s visit or it would get out of hand. “I promised her an intimate evening, a furrawn.” I used the odd Welsh word Anaïs was then trying to popularize, my mouth gaping as for the dentist. “Furrawn,” she would say at her lectures, avoiding a yawning fish face by rolling the r and taking “awwn” in the back of her throat. “It means intimate conversation that leads to deep connection. We don’t have a word for it in English, or in French for that matter”—she’d give her guttural half-laugh—“so we have to borrow furrawn from the Welsh.” Privately she’d added to me, referring to her husbands, both of Welsh heritage, “It’s all the Welsh have: a useful word and good-looking men.” Her humor, what she had of it, was so dry that it evaporated before most people got it; but I knew to chuckle because her desiccated jokes were always indicated by her little cough-like laugh. At 6:00 people started arriving. Our commune’s spacious living room looked like an anthill, teaming with longhaired guys and braless young women in tight T-shirts, most of them crashers. The chairs I’d arranged in a large circle were insufficient and people sat lotus-style on the floor and sprawled on the stairwell, overflowing into the dining room, kitchen, and pantry. The whole thing felt like a huge, unruly surprise party. I hoped Anaïs wouldn’t be too surprised when she walked in and saw what had happened to the intimate furrawn I’d promised her.

• From American Swing (2008)

  Phil Donahue: WE'RE TALKING ABOUT SWINGING, TWO COUPLES WHO SWING. LARRY LEVENSON IS HERE. HE'S OWNER OF PLATO'S RETREAT IN NEW YORK CITY, AN ACTUAL COMMERCIAL ESTABLISHMENT WHERE PEOPLE CAN GO AND SWING. SOME OF THE TENETS OF SWINGERS INCLUDE THE SEPARATION OF-- WHAT THEY SAY IS THE SEPARATION OF SEX AND LOVE. WE PROMOTE SOCIAL INTERCOURSE AND SEXUAL INTERCOURSE. WHATEVER YOU WANT TO DO, YOU CAN DO. ( audience groans ) - AREN'T YOU ILLEGAL? - NO. NO WAY. SEX IS NOT ILLEGAL ANYPLACE IN NEW YORK. BUT I COULDN'T OPEN A CATHOUSE, COULD I? - WELL, THAT'S PAID SEX. - ( audience groans ) ( disco playing ) ( crowd rioting ) John Leo: THE '70s WERE A TRANSITIONAL PERIOD. IT WAS WHEN THE ETHIC OF THE '60s TOOK HOLD. Newscaster: 1500 cops are injured. Woman: PEOPLE WERE COMPLAINING NEW YORK HAD BECOME A PIT OF VICE. Anthony Haden-Guest: THAT CONTRIBUTED TO DISCO AND PLATO'S ALSO PLAYED ITS PART IN SUDDENLY TURNING THINGS AROUND IN NEW YORK AND MAKING NEW YORK WHAT IT WAS-- THE MOST EXCITING CITY IN THE WORLD. ( disco music continues ) - ♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL... ♪ - IT WAS A PARTY TOWN. 1977 IN NEW YORK WAS A FABULOUS YEAR. SEXUALITY WAS IN THE AIR. Haden-Guest: EVERYBODY WAS IMMENSELY CURIOUS. LOTS AND LOTS OF HETEROS WOULD GO TO THE GAY CLUBS JUST TO LOOK AT THE GLORY HOLES. AND LOTS OF PEOPLE WHO WERE NOT REMOTELY EXHIBITIONISTIC WOULD GO TO PLATO'S. SWING COUPLES WENT THERE TO SWAP. YOU TRY MY WIFE AND I'LL TRY YOUR WIFE. FORGET ABOUT THE SEX. YOU COULD WANDER AROUND. YOU COULD ACTUALLY SWIM. YOU COULD EAT THIS FREE THIRD-RATE BUFFET... WHICH I ALWAYS CONSIDERED TEMPTING, BUT DANGEROUS. THEY HAD DANCING. THEY HAD A SHOW. Dan Dorfman: I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, "THIS REALLY CAN'T BE REAL. MAYBE I'M WATCHING A DIRTY MOVIE." BUT IT WAS A DIRTY MOVIE THAT REALLY CAME TO LIFE. FRIENDS OF MINE SAID THAT THEY WENT THERE BY LOOKING AT IT ON CABLE TELEVISION. I WAS NEVER IN PLATO'S RETREAT. I HAVE NO IDEA IF THEY IN FACT TOOK OFF-- OTHER THAN CLOTHING. 10 YEARS EARLIER EVERYONE WAS ROLLING AROUND NAKED IN WOODSTOCK, YOU KNOW, AND SMOKING POT AND SCREWING THEIR BRAINS OUT, YOU KNOW, IN THE MEADOWS. SO THIS WAS JUST AN INDOOR VERSION THAT WAS ACCESSIBLE TO NEW YORKERS. I AM LARRY'S SISTER. WE WERE FIVE YEARS APART. WE WERE VERY VERY CLOSE AND WE GREW UP AS BEST FRIENDS. MY PARENTS HAD A VERY CONVENTIONAL LIFESTYLE AND MARRIAGE. MY FATHER WAS A HARD-WORKING MAN. HE WAS IN THE KOSHER MEAT BUSINESS. OLDEST MEMORIES OF LARRY ARE AS A... SMILING YOUNG MAN, DIDN'T REALLY LOVE THE ACADEMIC PURSUITS. WHEN I FIRST MET LARRY, HE HAD JUST GOTTEN OUT OF THE SERVICE. HE HAD TOLD ME THAT HIS FATHER HAD A BUTCHER SHOP AND HE WAS A WHOLESALE DISTRIBUTER OF BRISKETS. AND HE WOULD WORK NIGHTS.

• From American Swing (2008)

  - AND WE STARTED TO THINK ABOUT IT. - GET INTERESTED. IT WAS INTERESTING. ( bass music thumping ) IT WAS A PLACE FOR THEM TO DANCE, HAVE A DRINK, MEET EACH OTHER. I REMEMBER IT LOOKED MORE LIKE A BAR MITZVAH. ♪ HEY, LITTLE GIRL, GET YOUR DANCING SHOES ♪ ♪ GOLD SATIN JACKET... ♪ I DON'T KNOW ANYBODY'S LAST NAME IN ANY OF THESE PLACES. AND YET YOU CAN GO HOME WITH THEM, MAKE LOVE TO THEM, SPEND THE WEEKEND WITH THEM, KISS THEM GOODBYE-- "SEE YOU NEXT WEEK, JOHN, MARY. BYE-BYE." AND THAT'S THE END OF IT AND YOU'RE BEST FRIENDS FOR LIFE. Steve: PEOPLE WOULD BE HANDING OUT SLIPS THAT SAY, "OKAY, THERE'S A PARTY ON THE EAST SIDE TONIGHT." THE ONLY PROBLEM IS WHEN YOU'RE STONED, AND I SAID, "NOW I GOTTA GO TO QUEENS?" ♪ THE ROLLER COASTER GOTTA MAKE THE MOST ♪ ♪ AND DANCE DANCE DANCE... ♪ I MET LARRY LEVENSON AT A PARTY BACK IN THE MID-'70s IN CONEY ISLAND, BROOKLYN. AND HE STARTED ARRANGING SOME ORGANIZED SWING PARTIES. HE LIKED THE IDEA OF BEING ABLE TO HAVE THAT SCENE OUT IN THE OPEN THE WAY GAY BARS DID. IT WAS A ONE-MAN BAND AT THE BEGINNING. IT WAS JUST HIM AND MARY AND MAYBE A COUPLE OF OTHER PEOPLE. MARY MADE ALL THE PHONE CALLS. MARY DID A LOT OF THE FOOTWORK. MARY WAS ACTUALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR PUTTING TOGETHER THE LOGO OF PLATO'S. THE BACKWARD TWOS WAS MARY'S IDEA. I'M GOING TO ASK YOU ONE OF MY FAVORITE INDISCREET QUESTIONS. HOW DID YOU AND LARRY MEET? NOW COME ON, THE TRUTH NOW. WELL, I HAD COME WITH ANOTHER YOUNG MAN TO PLATO'S IN ITS FIRST LOCATION. AND I FELL IN LOVE WITH HIM ON THE SPOT. ♪ WHEN I GET HOME, BABE... ♪ Dian Hanson: MARY AND LARRY WERE SWINGERS AND THEY STARTED THE CLUB TOGETHER. AND IT SEEMED LIKE A PERFECT IDEA AND A WAY TO BE CLOSE. SO IT WAS A FAMILY THING. ♪ I WANNA KISS YOU ALL OVER... ♪ Reporter: WHAT DID HE SAY? DO YOU REMEMBER? - ( giggles ) - OUT WITH IT! I WAS ON MY WAY TO THE LADIES' ROOM AND HE TOLD ME TO COME ON IN THE WATER. AND I TOLD HIM I COULDN'T RIGHT THEN BECAUSE I WAS ON MY WAY TO THE LADIES' ROOM. AND HE SAID, "COME ON IN. THE WATER'S NICE AND WARM AND THAT'S HOW IT GOT THAT WAY." THAT'S IT, THAT'S LARRY-- MR. TASTE. - YOU GOT TO KNOW MARY BETTER THAN ME... - YES. ...PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY. ( laughs ) THAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN YOUR FIRST FEMALE, I THINK. REALLY, HUH? - NO. - NO? IT MUSHROOMED FROM THERE. GOT AHOLD OF A HOTEL-- THIS HOTEL BASEMENT POOL AREA.

• From American Swing (2008)

  THEY WERE THE TYPE OF PEOPLE THAT THEY DIDN'T HAVE TO THROW THEIR WEIGHT AROUND, IF YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I MEAN. WHY LARRY HAD TO HOOK UP WITH THESE PEOPLE-- I CAN'T TELL. I DON'T KNOW. FRANKIE USED TO SAY THAT LARRY HAD A GROCERY STORE AND HE TURNED IT INTO A SUPERMARKET. Captain John: HE ENDED UP RENTING THE ANSONIA HOTEL. Charlie: IT WAS ACTUALLY A GAY... - BATHHOUSE. - ...BATHHOUSE. IN FACT BETTE MIDLER SANG THERE. AND WHAT'S-HIS-NAME. - THE PIANO PLAYER-- BARRY MANILOW. - BARRY MANILOW. ♪ TOOTSIE ROLL SOUL AND DOODLE-WHITE SHOES... ♪ Woman: WHEN I FIRST HEARD ABOUT PLATO'S, ALL MY IDEAS AND EVERYTHING I HAD HEARD ABOUT PLATO'S BASICALLY WAS WRONG. I THOUGHT THAT I WOULD WALK THROUGH THE DOOR AND TRIP OVER A LOT OF FUCKING BODIES IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FLOOR. AND IT JUST DOESN'T HAPPEN THAT WAY. IT WAS A DARK DOOR, JUST A ROPE OUTSIDE. IT HAD A LONG STAIRWAY GOING DOWN. AND I THINK THE ADMISSIONS PEOPLE WERE AT THE TOP OF THE STAIRWAY. WALKING INTO PLATO'S IS NOT NECESSARILY AN EVENT IN ITSELF. JUST BEING THERE IS THE EVENT. PLATO'S RETREAT IS NOT A SEX CLUB, IT'S A SWING CLUB FOR FREE-THINKING FREE-LIVING ADULT COUPLES. IT'S A CLUB WITH EVERYTHING DISCO, EVERYTHING INCLUDED, WITH SEX AVAILABLE IF COUPLES WANT IT. Bacho: I ASKED, "WHAT THE FUCK IS IT?" YOU KNOW? THERE'S LIKE 20 MATTRESSES LAID TOGETHER. IT WAS A DANCE FLOOR. THEN YOU HAD THE DANCE FLOOR IN FRONT OF ME. MOST EVERYONE WAS WALKING AROUND NAKED. AS I SAID, AT FIRST WE WRAPPED OUR TOWELS AROUND US WHEN WE FIRST WALKED OUT, BUT THEN WHEN WE SAW THE ATMOSPHERE OF EVERYBODY VERY FREE, LAUGHING, KISSING, AND REALLY WITHOUT THEIR TOWELS, WE FIGURED WHAT THE HECK. Bryce Britton: I DON'T KNOW, IT WAS JUST KIND OF LIKE A BATHHOUSE LOCKER ROOM. BUT I DO THINK THAT THERE WAS A LOT OF, LIKE, COACHING GOING ON, AT LEAST WITH THE WOMEN AND ENCOURAGEMENT, AND A FEELING OF SISTERHOOD LIKE WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER. THERE WAS JUST LOTS OF LONELY PEOPLE LOOKING TO MEET OTHER PEOPLE. SEX WAS PART OF THE GAME, BUT IT WASN'T THE WHOLE GAME. NOBODY MADE FUN OF YOU. NOBODY SAID, "UGH!" YOU KNOW? HOW YOU LOOK, HOW YOU LOOK DISGUSTING OR WHATEVER-- ANY INHIBITIONS YOU HAD YOU GOT OVER. AND YOU DIDN'T HAVE THEM ANYMORE. ♪ I CAN SEE YOU COMING A MILE AWAY... ♪ AND YOU HAD A JACUZZI. Al Goldstein: ANYONE WHO WENT INTO THE JACUZZI WAS INSANE BECAUSE I THINK THERE WAS EVERY KIND OF BACTERIA. IT WAS CHEMICAL WARFARE. WE PLAYED PING-PONG. WE WENT SWIMMING. Abigail: PEOPLE HAVE A SENSE OF BEING CLEANSED IN A POOL. THIS WAS A NAUGHTY POOL. Jacqueline: GUYS WERE FLOATING ON THE TOP OF THE WATER AND THEIR PENISES WERE STICKING UP AND IT LOOKED LIKE PERISCOPES.

• From American Swing (2008)

  WHEN LARRY SHOWED ME INTO THIS CLOSED CUBICLE AND THE WOMAN IN THERE WAS HIS WIFE MARY, HE SEEMED ALMOST EXCITED TO BE ABLE TO INTRODUCE MARY TO THE PRESS: "HI, MARY, HOW ARE YOU? THIS IS JOHN LEO." AND AGAIN IT WAS ALMOST THE ENTHUSIASM OF A KIWANIS EXECUTIVE SHOWING OFF HIS HOME TOWN. - Larry: WHY REPRESS YOUR DESIRES? - Donahue: WHAT? - WHY REPRESS YOUR DESIRES? - I'D LIKE TO BE IN THE INDIANAPOLIS 500 TOO, BUT I HAVE THE COMMON SENSE NOT TO ENGAGE IN IT BECAUSE IT'S NOT GOOD FOR ME. ( applause ) AND THAT'S JUST WHAT HE SAID-- "IT'S NOT GOOD FOR EVERYBODY." SO FOR YOU, IT WOULDN'T BE GOOD. THE MATTRESS ROOM WAS THE MOST INTENSE. AND FOR PEOPLE WHO FOUND PLATO'S REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE IN TERMS OF ALMOST MORALLY, THAT WAS THE TOUGHEST PLACE TO GO AND LOOK. YOU WOULD HAVE MAYBE 200 BODIES IN THERE ON A BUSY NIGHT AND JUST WRITHING TOGETHER LIKE A BUCKET OF WORMS. ♪ LOVE TODAY, CRY TOMORROW ♪ ♪ WHO'S TO SAY ♪ ♪ LIFE IS GAY... ♪ - Abigail: "LOOK AT THAT GUY'S-- HE'S NOT REALLY HANDSOME, BUT LOOK WHAT HE'S GOT. AND LOOK WHAT SHE'S GOT AND WHERE IS THAT GOING?" IT WAS REAL AND YOUR EARS COULD HEAR IT WAS REAL. SOMEONE-- ( moans ) THE BREATHING AND EVEN THE SMELL AND THE SWEAT AND THE-- UGH. IT EXHILARATED ME AND AT THE SAME TIME IT SORT OF DEPRESSED ME. BECAUSE IT COMPLETELY KILLS YOUR NOTIONS ABOUT ROMANCE. LIKE A DANCE FLOOR, SOMETIMES PEOPLE ARE JUST DANCING. BUT SOMETIMES THERE'S A GROOVE-- A TRIBAL GROOVE THAT PEOPLE GET IN AND BE IN INCREDIBLE SYNCH AND THERE WOULD BE A LOT OF ENERGY AND IT WAS LIKE THAT WITH THE MATTRESS ROOM. I WAS TERRIFIED OF THE MATT ROOM. ( moaning ) AND YOU'D FUCK A LITTLE AND YOU WATCH A LITTLE AND HANG OUT, FUCK A LITTLE MORE. ♪ DANGER IN THE SHAPE OF SOMETHING WILD ♪ ♪ STRANGER DRESSED IN BLACK, SHE'S A HUNGRY CHILD... ♪ ( heart beating ) ( panting ) Dorfman: BACHO THE DISC JOCKEY, HE TOLD ME, "YOU'RE A REPORTER, RIGHT?" HE SAYS, "WATCH!" HE PLAYED THE MUSIC. HE'D SPEED UP THE MUSIC AND THE THINGS WOULD GO FASTER. HE SLOWED DOWN THE MUSIC AND THE THINGS WOULD GO SLOWER. IT WAS UNBELIEVABLE. YOU HAD TO BE THERE TO SEE THAT. FAST AND SLOW LOVEMAKING. Ferrato: EJACULATION JUICES WERE EVERYWHERE. SO I'M SITTING ON A LOT OF THESE WET CUSHIONS. AND THEN ON ONE OF THESE NIGHTS I GO HOME AND I START FEELING REALLY ITCHY. "OOOH, WHAT'S THAT? WHAT IS THAT?" AND THEN I LOOKED DOWN AND I SEE ALL THESE CRABS WERE IN THERE AND I JUST GOT A BIG DOSE OF IT. YOU KNOW, BECAUSE THAT'S WHERE CRABS BREED IS IN ALL THOSE DAMP, MOIST... NETHER PLACES. I MEAN, I JUST REMEMBER A LOT OF THIS-- YOU KNOW, IN THE MATTRESS ROOM.

• From American Swing (2008)

  ♪ AT PLATO'S RETREAT ♪ ♪ YOU CAN MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE ♪ ♪ FULFILL YOUR WILDEST FANTASIES ♪ ♪ WE'VE GOT THEM ALL FOR YOU... ♪ SHE WAS NUTS, ABSOLUTELY WILD. SHE GOES, "OOOH, PUSSY LOVES COCK. PUSSY LOVES COCK." UNBELIEVABLE-- A MANIAC. I SAID, "THIS IS MY KIND OF PLACE." ♪ THE PLEASURE AND THE FUN ♪ ♪ WILL KEEP YOU FEELING YOUNG ♪ ♪ IT'S FOR YOU ♪ ♪ IT'S FOR YOU... ♪ I WAS A YOUNG GOOD-LOOKING KID, I GUESS, AND SEVERAL GIRLS CAME ON TO ME AND THEIR BOYFRIENDS WEREN'T THAT ATTRACTIVE. AND IF YOU HAD TO GO WITH ONE-- YOU HAD TO TRADE OFF. ( laughs ) AND SHE YELLED AT ME, SHE SCREAMED AT ME, AND I SAID, "JUST DO IT! JUST DO IT." YOU KNOW? AND... WE DIDN'T TALK MUCH AFTER THAT. ♪ THE PLEASURE AND THE FUN ♪ ♪ WILL KEEP YOU FEELING YOUNG ♪ ♪ IT'S FOR YOU ♪ ♪ IT'S FOR YOU... ♪ HE WAS A WONDERFUL LOVER. AND I SAID TO MYSELF, "PEOPLE WHO COME TO PLATO'S RETREAT MUST BE PRETTY GOOD LOVERS," BECAUSE THIS MAN HAD BEEN. UM... ♪ IT'S FOR YOU! ♪ I WANTED TO TELL THE PEOPLE I GREW UP WITH, LIKE, NO, I CAME FROM A NEIGHBORHOOD IN QUEENS, NEW YORK. BUT YOU COULDN'T TELL-- YOU COULDN'T TALK ABOUT THAT KIND OF THING WITH GUYS FROM THE NEIGHBORHOOD BECAUSE THEY WOULDN'T BELIEVE YOU. TO BE HONEST, IT WAS GOING OUT ON AN EDGE FOR ME. IT WAS A VERY EDGY THING TO DO TO... YOU KNOW, SPEND AN EVENING IN PLATO'S RETREAT. THERE WAS THIS ATTRACTIVE MULATTO WOMAN GOING DOWN ON HER MAN WITH HER ASS UP IN THE AIR. I SAT DOWN ON THE MATTRESS NEXT TO HER AND STARTED STROKING HER. NO OPPOSITION, SO I-- I GUESS, YOU KNOW, STUCK MY COCK IN HER PUSSY AND SCREWED HER. AND SHE DIDN'T EVEN LOOK BACK. SHE WAS TOO BUSY BLOWING HER BOYFRIEND. I HOPE I'M NOT BEING TOO VULGAR. THE MINISTER AND I... DID HOOK UP SOMETIME DURING THAT EVENING. BUT I DON'T REMEMBER WHEN. - WHICH IS TELLING. - Larry: PHIL? YEAH-- YES, LARRY LEVENSON, PLATO'S RETREAT. I CAN SPEAK FOR PLATO'S AND WE GET ABOUT 50% NEW COUPLES EVERY NIGHT. WE HAVE DISCO DANCING-- IN FACT WE HAVE A SONG ABOUT PLATO'S RETREAT THAT'S NUMBER SIX IN THE COUNTRY RIGHT NOW. Abigail: I MET PEOPLE YEARS LATER WHO SAID THINGS LIKE, "OH, I WENT IN THERE. I WENT TO PLATO'S." I WENT TO PLATO'S, YOU KNOW? IT BECAME PART OF THE MEMOIR. YOU KNOW? THAT WAS EXCITING IN ITSELF. WE HAD JUDGES, LAWYERS, POLICE-- - SENATORS. - SENATORS. Ferrato: ROBIN LEACH WHO WAS... HE WAS THERE JUST TO LOOK. STUDENTS MET THEIR PROFESSORS, GUYS MET THEIR EX-WIVES, FUTURE WIVES. SAMMY DAVIS, JR. ON THE DANCE FLOOR AT PLATO'S RETREAT, IT WAS A TREAT. THEY'D TELL ME THIS GUY WAS A BIG STAR-- FRANK SINATRA'S FRIEND, YOU KNOW.

• From American Swing (2008)

  I JUST HEARD ON THE RADIO THAT THE KING OF SWING IS HOME FROM PRISON." Man: I JUST WANT TO SAY NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THAT I AM MORE THAN PROUD TO PRESENT FOR THE FIRST TIME BACK HERE IN 32 MONTHS, THE MAN RESPONSIBLE FOR CREATING PLATO'S RETREAT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE OWNER, THE CREATOR OF PLATO'S RETREAT, THE KING OF SWING, MR. LARRY LEVENSON. COME RIGHT OUT, GANG. Man #2: OKAY, LARRY LEVENSON, SKINNIER, HIS DICK IS BIGGER. HERE HE IS, LARRY, BACK FROM 32 MONTHS OF HOMOSEXUALITY. WHAT'S IT LIKE TO BE HERE AT THE PLACE, THE DREAM YOU CREATED? YOU KNOW, THE PERSON WHO DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO ANSWER YOU. - YOU'RE SUCH A SLOB. - WE'RE HERE WITH HIS LOVELY MOTHER RENEE. RENEE, HOW DO YOU FEEL THAT YOUR SON BROKE OUT OF PRISON AND IS HERE AT PLATO'S TODAY? I SHOULD HAVE EXPECTED SOMETHING LIKE THIS FROM YOU, AL. I'M NOT THE LEAST BIT SURPRISED. IT'S NOT TRUE YOU CALLED THE PAROLE BOARD AND SAID, "KEEP THE BASTARD"? NO, YOU DID THAT, HONEY. YOU WERE A LITTLE MIXED UP. ♪ AND YOU TRY TO SHOW ♪ YOUR LOVE FOR ME. Larry: I'M THRILLED TO NO END RIGHT NOW AS I LOOK AROUND AND SEE YOU FRIENDLY FACES, FACES OF OLD FRIENDS AND SOON-TO-BE NEW FRIENDS. TO YOU MEMBERS THAT FREQUENT PLATO'S, OUR CLUB IS MUCH MORE THAN A SEXUAL HAVEN. WE ARE THE CLOSEST THING TO A FAMILY HERE. I'M GONNA COME BACK AND I'M GONNA MAKE THIS CLUB BETTER THAN EVER, AND WE'RE GONNA HAVE MORE FUN THAN EVER AND IT'S JUST GONNA BE BEAUTIFUL. LARRY, WE WELCOME YOU BACK AND CONGRATULATIONS ON COMPLETING THE 32-MONTH ALLENWOOD DIET. EVERYTHING HITS A PEAK, SO THERE WAS A PEAK FOR SEXUALITY. THERE WAS A PEAK FOR DISCO. ♪ KARMA KARMA KARMA KARMA KARMA CHAMELEON... ♪ THE CLUB WAS IN A DECLINE AND SO WAS LARRY. WERE WE DISTRESSED ABOUT IT? YES. COME DOWN AND FULFILL YOUR MOST FANTASTIC FANTASIES AND STIMULATE YOUR WILDEST DREAMS. ♪ OH YES, IT'S LADIES' NIGHT ♪ ♪ AND THE FEELING'S RIGHT... ♪ Man: IS IT GOING TO BE LADIES' NIGHT EVERY MONDAY, DO YOU KNOW? LADIES' NIGHT, 6:00-9:00; THEN 9:00 THE MEN COME IN. Vera: THEY WOULD HAVE AT PLATO'S SINGLES NIGHTS TO KIND OF INTRODUCE PEOPLE WHO NEVER SWUNG BEFORE. ♪ OH YES, IT'S LADIES' NIGHT ♪ ♪ OH, WHAT A NIGHT, OH, WHAT A NIGHT... ♪ Vera: THERE'D BE STRIPPER AFTER STRIPPER AND THE WOMEN ARE GETTING WILDER AND WILDER. THEN 9:00, OR A COUPLE OF HOURS LATER, THE MEN-- THE SINGLE MEN WOULD BE ALLOWED IN. AND THESE GUYS WERE HORNY FUCKS. THEN WHAT THEY'D DO THOUGH, THEY'D HAVE TO HAVE A LOT MORE GIRLS THAT WOULD BE LIKE GIRLS THAT WOULD BE HIRED. Hanson: BUT YOU COULDN'T NECESSARILY SEPARATE THE PROSTITUTES FROM THE WIVES BECAUSE THE WIVES WERE KIND OF DOING THEMSELVES UP LIKE PROSTITUTES OFTEN. THERE WAS COKE EVERYWHERE.

• From Available: The unfiltered and empowering new memoir for women about sex, dating and divorce after 40 (2021)

  I look tanned, happy, relaxed, like I’m always up for a big laugh and a good time. My curly hair, a bit wild, indicates that I’m not buttoned-up or afraid to look like the most natural version of myself. My strapless clothing shows that I’m comfortable with my body. Those things are true about me, I’m not purporting to be someone I’m not. This may be a superficial and one-sided presentation of myself, but it’s not false advertising. I’m showing my teeth – white enough and straight enough; I’m showing my body – petite, strong and healthy; I’m showing my nails – manicured and brightly colored. In other words, there shouldn’t be any surprises when a man meets me in person, nothing that I’m squirreling away and hoping he won’t notice when I’m alive in front of him. And if Michael does see my profile then it means he’s on Tinder too. I do the thing that I’ve been doing over and over again for the past few months: I take a leap of faith. I click the button to make my profile public for anyone on Tinder to see. A few hours later, lying in bed with Georgia pressing her warm feet against me as she sleeps, I stare at my phone and wonder how I survived the monotony of my life pre-Tinder. Tinder contains a vast sea of men, so many of them with such odd profile pictures that when I find the occasional one that doesn’t reek of inappropriateness, I click the heart button just to show solidarity, like hey, my normal sees your normal and thinks we might be able to make some normal magic together. It doesn’t matter if I find the person attractive, I just care that he seems like a person I could know in my current life. If it looks like a mug shot, swipe left – if you can’t smile for this one picture, I worry. Sitting in your car with your seatbelt on, swipe left – come on, live a little! There have to be more creative backdrops for a selfie. Lying in bed shirtless, swipe left, don’t be so obvious. Oh, even better, take a pic of yourself in front of a mirror with nothing but briefs on, swipe, swipe, swipe! All of your photos are ones in which you’re posing with other women, swipe left – that raises suspicion, are you hinting at an open marriage? You’re posing with your kids, swipe left – don’t drag your kids into this sordid place. You’re posing with your dog in every photo, swipe left – I’ve been down this road, I see your dog for the jealous lover she really is. You never part your lips when you smile, swipe left, what are you hiding?

• From Available: The unfiltered and empowering new memoir for women about sex, dating and divorce after 40 (2021)

  An overgrowth of facial hair, body completely covered in tattoos, you’re holding a gun, you only show one photo of yourself and ten of sunsets, you’re dressed up in an elaborate costume, you show your body but never your head, your head but never your body, you say you’re forty but look like a teenager, you say you’re forty but look like a grandpa? Despite this, I am amused and delighted. I live in a densely populated city, so the quantity of people to potentially match with seems limitless. Sure, I have to swipe left 100 times before I earn the privilege of clicking on a heart, but there are certainly educated, sporty, fit hearts to be had and when I click one and am instantly rewarded with hearts flying at me and “It’s a Match” popping across my screen in bold letters, I feel a moment’s worth of well, look at that, my work here is already done . Like Pavlov’s dogs, I am so roped in by instant gratification that I cannot stop looking and swiping and clicking. When I wake up in the morning, I have a new reason to open my eyes: to check my Tinder action! There have been so many matches that now I can afford to get a little cocky, double-checking men’s profile pictures and thinking, no, surely this one was a mistake, I would never click on a man wearing a fitted muscle shirt at his gym or someone arrogantly winking into the camera . But there are enough that seem promising and some have sent messages that are cheeky and charming, like “Hey Laura, you have lovely pics … just curious, how many ‘little black dresses’ do you have :)” or “Hi Laura, you didn’t write anything about yourself, but you have very sweet dimples”. I write back short answers with questions thrown in to attempt a conversation, “Why thank you, nice to meet you on here, looks like you travel a lot, where have you gone recently that you’ve loved?” or “You seem to be on the move a lot, what’s your favorite neighborhood to explore?” I feel silly and am forcing a whole lot of chipper-ness, but I have nothing to lose and I am enchanted by the anonymity the site provides (though it turns out that I will someday randomly run into people I’ve exchanged messages with on Tinder, and after figuring out the connection, I will feel wholly exposed and most decidedly un -anonymous).

• From Skin: A History of Nudity in the Movies (2020)

  Then Mamie Van Doren did a movie called, "Three Nuts in Search of a Bolt." ♪ I used to be a stripper down on Main ♪ ♪ Now I'm the main attraction on the strip ♪ - I tried to break the doors down. Jayne Mansfield was either one. And Marilyn was actually the first one. Hef asked me to do Playboy magazine many times, and I turned him down. And I did it this time because I had a movie connection with him. It was, "Three Nuts in Search of a Bolt." I did that movie strictly for money. There's a beer bath. So I figured, why not take a beer bath? It's really makes me feel alive. Beer bath, I don't want to do a beer bath. Come on he said yeah, it'll make more money at the theaters. And since I own the movie, some of it. I said, okay I'll do it. That movie made a lot of money, a lot of money. And so did the layout in the Playboy magazine. That was the beginning of me opening the door for nudity. - Of course there are films where nudity is important to the story. "The Pawnbroker", has nothing to do with sex, but it does use nudity in a very important way. The film itself is about a guy who suffered trauma during World War II. And part of the trauma was seeing these naked people being murdered. And so the idea that they felt you had to cut that out because of it's prurient interest, was pretty ludicrous to most people. "The Pawnbroker," was one of the last films, actually, that had a major production code battle. It made the production code look really old fashioned at that point. The production code is gonna be abandoned within a couple years. - We started looking to the Europeans, which had been, of course, using nudity long before we were. [upbeat music] Antonioni's "Blow-Up," now has two things to recommend it. One, it's his most accessible movie. - Couldn't you give us just a couple of minutes? - A couple of minutes? I haven't even got a couple of minutes to have my appendix out. - And two, it's the first film to show pubic hair in modern cinema. - [Barry] David Hemmings plays a photographer who takes a picture, and he winds up seeing two illicit lovers, one played by Vanessa Redgrave. - Give me those pictures. You can't photograph people like that. - Who is topless in the film. Then he meets two young, what they used to call groupies, and he takes them home with him. There is a flash of Jane Birkin's pubic hair. Which is the first time that's ever been shown on an American movie screen. And it stayed in, because it was quick. - "I Am Curious, Yellow" was a foreign film, it was Swedish. And it had very explicit nudity.

• From Skin: A History of Nudity in the Movies (2020)

  - Which is where, then it became popular, because it obviously had a much larger audience. - That reflects the 1970s, that it was so libertine that they could show a soft core porn movie projected in public in a drive-in theater. I mean if that happened now, without a doubt, there would be, I mean you know Twitter would explode. - Take off your clothes. - I don't like women giving me orders. - [Announcer] "I Spit on Your Grave." - Camille Keaton was a model who had been in Italy. And she made one of the classics of horror, that was called, "I Spit on Your Grave." - Camille Keaton is what they call a scream queen. And a scream queen is an actress of a certain age, that began her career being chased around by guys in hockey masks, or what have you. That's a scream queen. [grunting] - I can't believe that I'm sitting here 40 years later, and we're having an interview about this film. Now that means something to me, I have chills. The plot of the film is about a woman that goes off to write her book, and she goes to the country. Shortly thereafter, in the secluded area she's in, she gets raped by four men. Stop it, stop it. [grunting] - And she's stripped, and totally exposed, and then sets about for the rest of the film to seek revenge. And so there are a number of scenes of her taking off her clothes seducing men, and then exacting her revenge on the men who had raped her. [grunting] - We were the first to make a film where a woman does go back and get revenge on her attackers. - They're all about remaking European movies, usually Ingmar Bergman, like, "The Virgin Spring." When you realize where these movies, what the inspirations came from you go, whoa. I mean this is kind of Toney for a trashy exploitation movie. - Well, when I read the script I was very excited about it. Here is a script that can give me the opportunity to cry, be vulnerable. I can be everything, I can kill. The nudity, that worried me a little bit. I loved everything else about the film. She's a strong character. [screaming in pain] The director and I were talking about how these nude scenes would be made. And there was a lot of trust and respect between all of us. It came out in Chicago, and immediately was banned in over 200 theaters. And I think it had to do with not just me being nude, what happens to me in the film, the rape, and the revenge. and it was so real like. But what she did in the film is certainly to show women that they can be strong, and that they can face their attackers. And I think they do that today, more.

• From Skin: A History of Nudity in the Movies (2020)

  "Boogie Nights," was made in the '90s, but it's actually largely set in the 1970s at the height of the porn industry, when filmmakers were making literally hundreds of porn movies, and showing them in theaters, because this was before the internet, and before even cable TV or anything like that. - It, I think, gave a very accurate picture of what it's like to be on a porn set, and the chaos wrought of the switchover from film to video. - No no, we just keep shooting. This is video. We shoot, and shoot, and then we deal with it later. - Paul Thomas Anderson, who directed it, has this amazing cast, with Burt Reynolds playing kind of the father figure who makes all these movies. Julianne Moore is his wife, who also still appears in porn movies. And then Heather Graham plays roller girl, who dropped out of high school, and she still is on her roller skates, and is becoming a pretty big porn star. And then Mark Wahlberg, who is discovered, classic Hollywood style because he has a certain gift that you just can't fake. - He becomes the star of porn in the '70s, and then he gets embroiled in drugs and crime, and everything like that, everything that kind of was bad about the post '70s porn industry. - I want to fuck! It's my big dick! So everybody get ready fucking now! - It's also very true to the subject matter. You can't have a movie about the porn industry, and then cut away when there's going to be the sexy scene. So the first time Mark Wahlberg's character is introduced Heather Graham's roller girl, and Burt Reynolds is there with them and says you guys want to go at it? And she just whips off the clothes, and skates over, other than the skates, completely naked. - Are you ready? - Yeah, are you? - Oh yeah. ♪ Your window last night - Are you gonna take your skates off? - I don't take my skates off. And don't fucking cum in me. - Okay. -Aim it at her tits, Eddie. - Spoiler alert, this movie came out 20 years ago, if you haven't seen it. But eventually we see a lot of reaction shots to people reacting to what Mark Wahlberg looks like with his clothes off. We finally get the money shot, so to speak, at the end. - The end is, it's a gloss on the end of, "Raging Bull." - I could have been a contender, I could have been somebody instead of a bum, which is what I am. - He's ready to go on to film a scene, and just to check his confidence he unbuttons his pants. And you see for the first time what everyone has talked about in the movie. - [David] What's he supposed to have, this giant penis.

• From Skin: A History of Nudity in the Movies (2020)

  - You only go around once in life, and you gotta grab for all the nookie you can get. - Well, first of all Phoebe Cates, she was my idol. She said, are you are you worried about the nudity at all? And I said, why would I be worried about the nudity? I said it's a great role, I'm not worried about it. She said oh good, I'm so happy, 'cause I was naked like 25 times in, "Paradise." And we just hit it off. - "Private School," also contains one of the best remembered shower scenes, because it goes on and on. - So there's a boy who's dressed as a girl, who's hiding in the sauna. And he's voyeuristically watching all these girls take showers. And in the movie you see me in the shower a long time. Then you see me in the locker room getting dressed. Then it cuts back, and I'm in the shower again. I did so many shower scenes, that I always thought of myself as the cleanest actress in Hollywood. - Phoebe Cates and Matthew Modine, they were excited about losing their virginity. And then my character, Jordan, was interested in Matthew Modine's character. So I tried to steal him away from her. - The scene of her horseback riding is maybe the, I don't know whether to say the high point or the low point. But it's the something point of gratuitous nudity. - [Linda] Surprise. - [Richard] Because not only does she take off her top and ride on the horse, but then they give us a slow motion replay. - I said how about if my helmet falls off? And then my hair can blow in the wind in slow motion. And they said oh we love it, that's a great idea. When am I ever gonna look this good again? Why not have it on film for the rest of time, where I can remember, oh my gosh I looked great? And I had no problem with any of it. - Okay, "Last American Virgin," is a movie that is very unexpected. What do you do if two best friends fall for the same girl? She winds up choosing to be with the guy who's more popular. Gary is the guy who's shyer, maybe he's not as confident. But he falls for her as well. And it's a very simple story, it's a story that I think happens to a lot of people. - Listen, will you count me out, Rick? - Hey, do you want to get laid or not? - Look, I'd rather screw Godzilla than them. - The love scene in, "Virgin," I think what I really loved about it, it was slow. And it was gentle, and it was beautiful. Again, guys would not come in and see this film unless they thought, I'm gonna get to see some girls naked.

• From Buddenbrooks: The Decline of a Family (1901)

  The scent of fir trees penetrated through the cracks of the high, white lacquered, still tightly closed double doors and with its sweet spice awakened the idea of the miracles in the hall, which one watched every year anew with throbbing pulses as an incomprehensible, unearthly splendor ... What would be in there for him? What he had wanted, of course, because that's what you got without question, provided you hadn't been talked out of it as an impossibility beforehand. The theater would catch his eye and show him the way to his seat, the longed-for puppet theater that had been heavily underlined at the top of Grandma's wish list. Yes, as compensation and reward for a visit to Herr Brecht, Hanno had recently gone to the theater for the first time, the Stadttheater, where he had been able to breathlessly follow the sounds and events of Fidelio in the first rank at his mother's side. From then on he dreamed of nothing but opera scenes, and he was filled with a passion for the stage that hardly let him sleep. With unspeakable envy he looked at the people on the street who, like his uncle Christian, were known as theater habitués, Consul Döhlmann, broker Gosch ... Was the luck bearable to be able to be there almost every evening like them? If only he could peek into the hall once a week before the performance begins, hear the instruments playing and take a look at the closed curtain! Because he loved everything in the theater: the smell of gas, Will his puppet theater be big? Big and wide? What will the curtain look like? You have to make a small hole as soon as possible cut into it, because there was also a peephole in the curtain of the municipal theater... Whether grandmother or Mamsell Severin - because grandmother couldn't get everything - had found the necessary decorations for "Fidelio"? Tomorrow he'll lock himself up somewhere and give a performance all by himself... And already he had his characters singing in his head; because music had immediately connected him very closely with the theater ... “Rejoice loudly, Jerusalem!” concluded the choirboys, and the voices that had been fugue-like joined together peacefully and joyfully on the last syllable. The clear chord died away, and a deep stillness fell over the portico and the landscape room. The members of the family looked down under the pressure of the pause; only Director Weinschenk's eyes darted boldly and unselfconsciously around, and Frau Permaneder let out her dry throat, which I couldn't suppress. The Consul, however, walked slowly to the table and sat down in the midst of her relatives on the sofa, which was no longer separate from the table as it had been in the old days. She adjusted the lamp and pulled out the large Bible, the gold-edged surface of which, pale with age, was enormously wide.

• From Buddenbrooks: The Decline of a Family (1901)

  And who didn't want to follow was the little boy..." "Yes, yes, maybe it'll be fine too... When are things coming, Ida?" "Tomorrow morning, my boy." 'To put them in here! That I'll have her soon!' "It's okay, Hannochen, but sleep in first." And she kissed him, put out the light and left. He was alone, and while he lay still and indulged in the beneficial effects of the baking soda, the splendor of the gift-giving hall lit up anew before his closed eyes. He saw his theatre, his harmonium, his book of mythology, and somewhere in the distance heard the choirboys shouting, "Jerusalem, shout out loud. Everything flickered. A faint fever hummed in his head, and his heart, a little constricted and distressed by the revolting stomach, beat slowly, strongly, and irregularly. In a state of malaise, agitation, trepidation, tiredness and happiness, he lay for a long time and could not sleep. Tomorrow it was the turn of the third Christmas Eve, giving presents to Therese Weichbrodt, and he looked forward to it like a little burlesque game. Therese Weichbrodt had completely given up her boarding school last year, so that Madame Kethelsen now lived alone on the first floor and she herself on the ground floor of the little house on the Mühlenbrink. The complaints namely, which her ill-fated and frail little body caused her had increased with the years, and with all gentleness and Christian alacrity Sesemi Weichbrodt assumed that her recall was imminent. For this reason, for several years now, she has considered every Christmas to be her last and tried to give the celebration, which she organized in her small, terribly overheated room, as much splendor as was within her feeble strength. Not being able to buy much, she gave away a new part of her modest belongings every year and built up under the tree whatever she could spare: bric-a-brac, paperweights, pincushions, glass vases and fragments of her library, old books in funny formats and bindings, the »Secret Diary of an Observer of Himself«,Pensées de Blaise Pascal ', which was so tiny that it could not be read without a magnifying glass. "Bishop" was in insurmountable quantities, and the brown cakes of sesemi, made with ginger, were immensely tasty. But never, thanks to the trembling devotion, with Fraulein Weichbrodt every time her lastChristmas partyThe evening never went by without a surprise, a mishap, some small catastrophe that made the guests laugh and increased the silent passion of the landlady. A pot with a bishop fell and flooded everything with the red, sweet, spicy liquid... Or the cleaned tree fell from its wooden feet, exactly at the moment when you solemnly entered the gift-giving room... As he fell asleep, Hanno foresaw the misfortune of the previous year Eyes: It was right before the gift giving.

• From Tropic of Cancer (1934)

  … Light as a bird I flit about from one quarter to another. It’s as though I had been released from prison. I look at the world with new eyes. Everything interests me profoundly. Even trifles. On the Rue du Faubourg Poissonnière I stop before the window of a physical culture establishment. There are photographs showing specimens of manhood “before and after.” All frogs. Some of them are nude, except for a pince-nez or a beard. Can’t understand how these birds fall for parallel bars and dumbbells. A frog should have just a wee bit of a paunch, like the Baron de Charlus. He should wear a beard and a pince-nez, but he should never be photographed in the nude. He should wear twinkling patent-leather boots and in the breast pocket of his sack coat there should be a white handkerchief protruding about three-quarters of an inch above the vent. If possible, he should have a red ribbon in his lapel, through the buttonhole. He should wear pajamas on going to bed. Approaching the Place Clichy toward evening I pass the little whore with the wooden stump who stands opposite the Gaumont Palace day in and day out. She doesn’t look a day over eighteen. Has her regular customers, I suppose. After midnight she stands there in her black rig rooted to the spot. Back of her is the little alleyway that blazes like an inferno. Passing her now with a light heart she reminds me somehow of a goose tied to a stake, a goose with a diseased liver, so that the world may have its pâté de foie gras . Must be strange taking that wooden stump to bed with you. One imagines all sorts of things—splinters, etc. However, every man to his taste! Going down the Rue des Dames I bump into Peck-over, another poor devil who works on the paper. He complains of getting only three or four hours’ sleep a night—has to get up at eight in the morning to work at a dentist’s office. It isn’t for the money he’s doing it, so he explains—it’s for to buy himself a set of false teeth. “It’s hard to read proof when you’re dropping with sleep,” he says. “The wife, she thinks I’ve got a cinch of it. What would we do if you lost your job? she says.” But Peckover doesn’t give a damn about the job; it doesn’t even allow him spending money. He has to save his cigarette butts and use them for pipe tobacco. His coat is held together with pins. He has halitosis and his hands sweat. And only three hours’ sleep a night. “It’s no way to treat a man,” he says. “And that boss of mine, he bawls the piss out of me if I miss a semicolon.” Speaking of his wife he adds: “That woman of mine, she’s got no fucking gratitude, I tell you!” In parting I manage to worm a franc fifty out of him.

• From Tropic of Cancer (1934)

  I try to squeeze another fifty centimes out of him but it’s impossible. Anyway I’ve got enough for a coffee and croissants . Near the Gare St. Lazare there’s a bar with reduced prices. As luck would have it I find a ticket in the lavabo for a concert. Light as a feather now I go there to the Salle Gaveau. The usher looks ravaged because I overlook giving him his little tip. Every time he passes me he looks at me inquiringly, as if perhaps I will suddenly remember. It’s so long since I’ve sat in the company of well-dressed people that I feel a bit panic-stricken. I can still smell the formaldehyde. Perhaps Serge makes deliveries here too. But nobody is scratching himself, thank God. A faint odor of perfume… very faint. Even before the music begins there is that bored look on people’s faces. A polite form of self-imposed torture, the concert. For a moment, when the conductor raps with his little wand, there is a tense spasm of concentration followed almost immediately by a general slump, a quiet vegetable sort of repose induced by the steady, uninterrupted drizzle from the orchestra. My mind is curiously alert; it’s as though my skull had a thousand mirrors inside it. My nerves are taut, vibrant! the notes are like glass balls dancing on a million jets of water. I’ve never been to a concert before on such an empty belly. Nothing escapes me, not even the tiniest pin falling. It’s as though I had no clothes on and every pore of my body was a window and all the windows open and the light flooding my gizzards. I can feel the light curving under the vault of my ribs and my ribs hang there over a hollow nave trembling with reverberations. How long this lasts I have no idea; I have lost all sense of time and place. After what seems like an eternity there follows an interval of semiconsciousness balanced by such a calm that I feel a great lake inside me, a lake of iridescent sheen, cool as jelly; and over this lake, rising in great swooping spirals, there emerge flocks of birds of passage with long slim legs and brilliant plumage. Flock after flock surge up from the cool, still surface of the lake and, passing under my clavicles, lose themselves in the white sea of space. And then slowly, very slowly, as if an old woman in a white cap were going the rounds of my body, slowly the windows are closed and my organs drop back into place. Suddenly the lights flare up and the man in the white box whom I had taken for a Turkish officer turns out to be a woman with a flowerpot on her head. There is a buzz now and all those who want to cough, cough to their heart’s content.

• From Looking for Alaska (2005)

  Just as our hated opponent stopped dribbling and prepared for his shot, the Colonel stood up and screamed something. Like: “For the love of God, please shave your back hair!” Or: “I need to be saved. Can you minister to me after your shot?!” — Toward the end of the third quarter, the Christian-school coach called a time-out and complained to the ref about the Colonel, pointing at him angrily. We were down 56–13. The Colonel stood up. “What?! You have a problem with me!?” The coach screamed, “You’re bothering my players!” “THAT’S THE POINT, SHERLOCK!” the Colonel screamed back. The ref came over and kicked him out of the gym. I followed him. “I’ve gotten thrown out of thirty-seven straight games,” he said. “Damn.” “Yeah. Once or twice, I’ve had to go really crazy. I ran onto the court with eleven seconds left once and stole the ball from the other team. It wasn’t pretty. But, you know. I have a streak to maintain.” The Colonel ran ahead of me, gleeful at his ejection, and I jogged after him, trailing in his wake. I wanted to be one of those people who have streaks to maintain, who scorch the ground with their intensity. But for now, at least I knew such people, and they needed me, just like comets need tails. one hundred eight days before THE NEXT DAY, Dr. Hyde asked me to stay after class. Standing before him, I realized for the first time how hunched his shoulders were, and he seemed suddenly sad and kind of old. “You like this class, don’t you?” he asked. “Yessir.” “You’ve got a lifetime to mull over the Buddhist understanding of interconnectedness.” He spoke every sentence as if he’d written it down, memorized it, and was now reciting it. “But while you were looking out the window, you missed the chance to explore the equally interesting Buddhist belief in being present for every facet of your daily life, of being truly present. Be present in this class. And then, when it’s over, be present out there,” he said, nodding toward the lake and beyond. “Yessir.” one hundred one days before ON THE FIRST MORNING of October, I knew something was wrong as soon as I woke up enough to turn off the alarm clock. The bed didn’t smell right. And I didn’t feel right. It took me a groggy minute before I realized: I felt cold . Well, at the very least, the small fan clipped to my bunk seemed suddenly unnecessary. “It’s cold!” I shouted. “Oh God, what time is it?” I heard above me. “Eight-oh-four,” I said. The Colonel, who didn’t have an alarm clock but almost always woke up to take a shower before mine went off, swung his short legs over the side of the bed, jumped down, and dashed to his dresser.

• From Cult: A Love Story: Ten Years Inside a Canadian Cult and the Subsequent Long Road of Recovery (2013)

  After a year of Wednesday nights, I knew the Pear Tree Story off by heart and had added many new words to my vocabulary such as ego , spirit , chakra , and negative energy and learned their group-specific definitions via discussions each week. With a little trepidation but more excitement, I began participating as well in the weekend workshops that Limori held locally. The first one I attended was in her home in Port Moody. There were perhaps twenty of us there, seated around her living room in a circle of chairs, with the other living room furniture moved to other parts of the house. There was never a formal agenda or structure to these workshops; Limori was not teaching a methodology that could be replicated or a paradigm that could be memorized. She was acting at the behest of God, we believed, and therefore we were willing to let her lead us wherever she said God wanted us to go. We spent some of the time during the workshops meditating, and would report afterwards on what we’d “seen” or felt or experienced during the mediation. Limori would then, from her seat at the top of the circle, comment on our experience and explain what her spirit guides said it signified. The meditations themselves were often guided; that is, someone in the group would lead us through a visualization (in the early days it was usually Limori but later others of us were granted permission to do this) and then we might spend some time in silence. The meditations could last up to an hour, but were more often thirty or forty minutes long. We were there to learn at the feet of someone we believed was a spiritual master and had God’s ear. To that end, during these workshops, God was available through Limori via her spirit guide, Azeen, to provide us with guidance about changes we needed to make in our lives and personal selves in order to better serve Him and strengthen our ability to be spiritually “clear.” Unspoken was the eternal hope that we would eventually be able to receive His guidance ourselves. At some point during the first day of the workshop, either before or after a meditation, Limori would look around the room until eventually her gaze would fall on one person. She would make a few introductory enquiries about that person’s life, both inner and outer, until she discovered an “ego position” that the person was dealing with. Then the rest of us would sit back, relieved that the spotlight had momentarily fallen on someone else and, like an audience at a tennis match, our heads would swivel back and forth between Limori and her chosen subject as they talked. Or, rather, as the person confessed and Limori gave them God’s guidance about what the root cause of their particular problem was and what they should do about it. During the Saturday afternoon of my first workshop, Limori’s eyes land on Gary.