Despair

Passages

Every passage tagged with this emotion in the Vela corpus. Search the body text, narrow by source or register, click through to a book’s profile to see how the passage sits with the rest of the work.

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• From Saint Thomas Aquinas Collection (22 Books) (2016)

  THE TEN LEPERS FOURTEENTH SUNDAY AFTER TRINITY.—(FROM THE GOSPEL)“There met Him ten men that were lepers, which stood afar off.”—S. Luke 17:12. THREE points are characteristically noticed in this Gospel. Firstly, the number of the sinners, “ten men.” Secondly, the remedy for their healing, “there met Him.” Thirdly, the remedies which are necessary to those who are cured of sin, “one of them when he saw that he was healed.” To consider, now, the difference and number of the sinners it is to be noted that the ten lepers may signify ten kinds of sins. (1) The first leper is an infidel and a heretic who is separated from the society of the faithful and the holy: “The Lord spake unto Moses, saying, Command the children of Israel, that they put out of the camp every leper.… and the children of Israel did so, and put them without the camp,” &c., Num. 5:24. (2) The second leper is a blasphemer and detractor: “And Miriam and Aaron spake against Moses because of the Ethiopean woman whom he had married.… and they said, Hath the Lord spoken only by Moses? Hath He not also spoken by us? And the Lord heard it.… Wherefore, then, were ye not afraid to speak against My servant Moses?.… And Aaron looked upon Miriam, and behold she was leprous,” Num. 12:1, 2, 8, 10. (3) The third leper is gluttonous, who taints the air with fœtid exhalations, proceeding from excessive repletion: “He is a leprous man, he is unclean.… He shall put a covering upon his upper lip, and shall cry, Unclean, unclean,” Levit. 13:44, 45. (4) The fourth leper is the avaricious man, who is ever infected with an immoderate desire of possessing: this was the leprosy of Gehazi: “Is it a time to receive money, and to receive garments, and oliveyards … the leprosy therefore of Naaman shall cleave unto thee, and unto thy seed for ever,” 2 Kings 5:26, 27. (5) The fifth leper is the proud man, who with a swelling mind exalts himself against the Lord and Christ. Such was Naaman, King of Syria, and being very rich, and “also a mighty man in valour, but he was a leper,” 2 Kings 5:1. (6) The sixth leper is the ambitious man, who desired honours and dignities: such an one as Uzziah, who took upon himself the honour of High Priest: “He transgressed against the Lord his God, and went into the temple of the Lord to burn incense.… and while he was wroth with the priests the leprosy rose up in his forehead before the priests,” 2 Chron. 26:16–20. (7) The seventh leper is the hypocrite or vainglorious, who foolishly prides himself on his good things: such was the leprosy of Simon the Pharisee: “When Jesus was in Bethany in the house of Simon the leper,” S. Matt. 26:6. (8) The eighth leper is the sensual man, who contaminates creatures with the issue of his uncleannesses: “What man soever of the seed of Aaron is a leper, or hath a running issue, he shall not eat of the holy things until he be clean,” Levit. 22:3. (9) The ninth leper is a homicide: such as was Joab, upon whom the wrath of God came because he slew Abner: “Let there not fail from the house of Joab one that hath an issue, or that is a leper,” 2 Sam. 3:29. (10) The tenth leper is he who is obstinate and desperate, and who finally sins: “When the plague of leprosy is in a man.… if the rising be white in the skin, and it have turned the hair white.… it is an old leprosy,” Levit. 13:9–11. S. Jerome observes, that he who despairs of pardon for sin is more bound by his desperation than by the sin which he has committed. Desperation increases despair, and is a greater tyrant than any sin. He who wishes to be cured from sin’s leprosy runs to the fountain of precious blood, which the ineffable charity of our Lord Jesus Christ opened for us: Who washed us in it, and will cleanse all those who fly unto Him from the leprosy of all sin. “Unto Him that loved us and washed us from our sins in His own blood.… to Him be glory and dominion for ever and ever. Amen.” Rev. 1:5, 6.

• From Heptaméron (1559)

  should pardon that murderer, who has caused your death by a deed more vile than if he had killed you with a sword. If I knew a more odious executioner than myself, I would entreat him to do justice upon your per- fidious lover. O love ! I have offended thee from not having known how to love ; and therefore thou wilt not succour me as thou hast succoured her who perfectly kept all thy laws. Nor is it just that I should make such a glorious end : it must be by my own hand. I have washed your face with my tears ; I have implored your pardon ; and it now only remains that my arm make my body like yours, 'and send my soul whither yours is gone, in the assurance that a virtuous and hon- orable love ends neither in this word nor in the next." Starting up then, like a frantic man, from the corpse, he drew his poniard, and stabbed himself to the heart ; and then, clasping his mistress in his arms for the second time, he kissed her so fondly that he seemed more like a blissful lover than a dead man. The demoiselle seeing the deed, ran to the door and screamed for help. The duke, suspecting the disaster of those he loved, was the first to enter the gardcrobe, and on seeing that sad couple, he tried to separate them, in order to save the gentleman if it were possible ; but he held his mistress so fast that it was impossible to tear him from her until he had expired. Nevertheless, hearing the duke ex- claim, " My God ! who has been the cause of this .? " " My tongue and yours, monsieur," he replied, with a look of fury. So saying he breathed his last, with his face laid on that of his mistress. The duke, wishing to know more of the matter, con- strained the demoiselle to tell him all she had seen and heard, which she did from beginning to end, without for- getting anything. The duke then, knowing that he was Seventh day. ] Q UEEM Of jVA VA RRE. 5 4 1

• From Saint Thomas Aquinas Collection (22 Books) (2016)

  III. On the third head, it is to be noted, that the severity to the sentence on the wicked will be felt in three ways. (1) They will be deprived of all good things, S. Augus. (in his book of the “City of God”), “In the last punishment it will be just, that the wicked and the ungodly should weep for the loss of natural good things in their torments, feeling their depriver to be the most just God, when they have despised the most bountiful Benefactor.” Job 20:15, “He hath swallowed down riches, and he shall vomit them up again: God shall cast them out of his belly.” (2) Because they shall be tormented by the burning of the most fierce fire, Isa. 66:24, “Neither shall their fire be quenched.” (3) Because they shall not be liberated for ever, S. Matt. 25:41, “Depart from me,” without Whom there is no good: behold the first. “Into fire:” behold the second. “Everlasting:” behold the third. From which may Jesus Christ deliver us. HOMILY XIX TRUE AND FALSE GLORY TENTH SUNDAY AFTER TRINITY[This Homily is substituted for the one which occurs in the series, and which treats of the false gods of the heathen.] “He that glorieth let him glory in the Lord.”—1 Cor. 1:1. EVERY rational creature longs for glory, because such an one was created for glory; and therefore the Apostle in these words points out where true glory can be found; and he points out here two kinds of glory—an unreal and a live glory. I. On the first head, it is to be noted, that there is (1) a false glory in temporal riches—“And boast themselves in the multitude of their riches,” Psa. 49:6. (2) A vain glory—“Wicked boasteth of his heart’s desire,” Psa. 10:3; that is, he glories in earthly dignities. “Let not the wise man glory in his wisdom, neither let the mighty man glory in his might,” Jer. 9:23. (3) There is also a foolish glory in pleasures; for it is foolish to glory in mortal meats—“She that liveth in pleasure is dead,” 1 S. Tim. 5:6. (4) An evil glory in wickedness—“Why boasteth thou thyself in mischief?” Psa. 52:1. The first glory tendeth to poverty—“The rich man shall lie down, but he shall not be gathered; he openeth his eyes, and he is not” (Job 27:19). The second ends in ignominy—“Their glory shall fly away like a bird,” Hosea 9:11. The third is changed into the anguish of grief—“How much she hath glorified herself and lived deliciously, so much torment and sorrow gave her,” Rev. 18:7. The fourth into eternal torment—“Upon the wicked He shall rain snares, fire and brimstone,” &c., Psa. 11:6. “For their worm shall not die, neither shall their fire be quenched,” Isa. 66:24.

• From Saint Thomas Aquinas Collection (22 Books) (2016)

  36. And one ran and filled a spunge full of vinegar, and put it on a reed, and gave him to drink, saying, Let alone; let us see whether Elias will come to take him down. 37. And Jesus cried with a loud voice, and gave up the ghost. BEDE. (ubi sup.) This most glorious light took away its rays from the world, lest it should see the Lord hanging, and lest the blasphemers should have the benefit of its light. Wherefore it goes on: And when the sixth hour was come, there was darkness over the whole land until the ninth hour. AUGUSTINE. (de Con. Evan. 3, 17) Luke added to this account the cause of the darkness, that is, the darkening of the sun. THEOPHYLACT. If this had been the time for an eclipse, some one might have said that this that happened was natural, but it was the fourteenth moon, when no eclipse can take place. There follows: And at the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani. PSEUDO-JEROME. At the ninth hour, the tenth piece of money which had been lost is found, by the overturning of the house. BEDE. (ubi sup.) For when Adam sinned, it is also written that he heard the voice of the Lord, walking in paradise, in the cool after mid-day; (Gen. 3:8.) and in that hour when the first Adam by sinning brought death into the world, in that same hour the second Adam by dying destroyed death. And we must observe, that our Lord was crucified, when the sun was going away from the centre of the world; but at sunrise He celebrated the mysteries of His resurrection; because He died for our sins, but rose again for our justification. Nor need you wonder at the lowliness of His words, at the complaints as of one forsaken, when you look on the offence of the cross, knowing the form of a servant. For as hunger, and thirst, and fatigue were not things proper to the Divinity, but bodily affections; so His saying, Why hast thou forsaken me? was proper to a bodily voice, for the body is never naturally wont to wish to be separated from the life which is joined to it. For although our Saviour Himself said this, He really shewed the weakness of His body; He spoke therefore as man, bearing about with Him my feelings, for when placed in danger we fancy that we are deserted by God.

• From Love & Sex: A Christian Guide to Healthy Intimacy (2018)

  “Making love to another person requires curiosity and exploration. When porn has filled that need, lovemaking becomes more of a chore. Porn will eventually become boring as well, in the sense that porn is completely selfish and about getting what one wants, a quick release, or a turn-on, and it nullifies the true meaning and complexity of sex with another human being. “This is why the images continue to get more degrading, cruel, and violent, the need for the high porn provides is like a fire that has to be fed continually—more and more is needed to fuel the fire. And it becomes a consuming fire that destroys human relationships. Porn will always fail us; all become victims to this sleek, appealing, dragon, beckoning users with its promise to fulfill all sexual desires, never giving implication to the death it will bring. “Culturally and personally, I don’t think we can afford to be casual about this topic any longer. It’s literally changing brain pathways and demands more and more usage to get the same high. The reward center of our brain fires up when we accomplish a goal. The brain chemical dopamine is released, giving us the thrill that goes with accomplishment. Dopamine is secreted at moments of sexual excitement and novelty. “Porn scenes filled with novel sexual acts fire the reward center. The ventral tegmental area (VTA) is the origin of the dopamine system and is the natural reward circuitry of the brain—it is a personal drug dispenser. The VTA looks for novelty and gives a big hit of dopamine when someone finds it. To get the same hit of dopamine, one has to seek new and novel images. The images are reinforced by the dopamine hit, altering the user’s sexual tastes. What may have started as a way to learn about sex or spice things up with a sexual partner, ends up changing the sexual tastes of the user. This usage then damages the dopamine reward system, thus damaging the brain. “Getting sex without the work of being in a relationship with a real person alters the reward center, so human beings lose their God-given motivation to pursue and court a spouse or person to be in relationship with. God intended oxytocin (the love hormone) to be released during lovemaking, which bonds and attaches a couple to one another. This sexual bonding, then helps couples have more grace for some of the annoying things that take place between two people. “Solo sex does not provide this oxytocin release, thus, leaving its users more lonely and disconnected. I have lots of compassion for those who are sexually addicted to porn, because typically there are deeper hurts and wounds that need to be addressed. But I think it is vital we see it for the poison it is, even if all we recognize is how porn is not helping to create a more humane, empathic, and connected world. Instead, it is doing the opposite.

• From Buddenbrooks: The Decline of a Family (1901)

  It was only at that moment that everything that lay hidden in the word "bankruptcy" dawned on her, everything that had made her feel vague and dreadful about it even as a small child... "bankruptcy"... that was something more hideous than death, it was Riot, breakdown, ruin, disgrace, shame, despair and misery... "He's going bankrupt!" she repeated. She was so defeated and devastated by this fateful word that she thought of no help, not even one that could come from her father. He looked at her with raised brows, with his small, deep-set eyes, which looked sad and tired and yet betrayed an extraordinary tension. 'So I asked you,' he said softly, 'my dear Tony, are you prepared to follow your husband into poverty?...' Immediately afterwards he admitted to himself that he instinctively understood the harsh word 'poverty' deterrent, adding, "He can work his way back up..." 'Certainly, papa,' replied Tony. But that didn't stop her from bursting into tears. She sobbed into her lace-trimmed cambric with the initials AG . She was still crying like a child: completely uninhibited and unadorned. Her upper lip made an unspeakably touching impression. Her father continued to examine her with his eyes. "Are you serious, my child?" he asked. He was just as clueless as she was. "Don't I have to..." she sobbed. "I have to..." "Not at all!" he said briskly; but guiltily he immediately corrected himself: 'I wouldn't necessarily force you to, my dear Tony. Unless your feelings did not bind you inexorably to your husband..." She looked at him with tearful and uncomprehending eyes. "Why, Dad...?" The consul tossed and turned a little and found a source of information. 'My good child, you may believe that I should feel it very painful to subject you to all the hardships and embarrassments which are about to be brought about by your husband's misfortune, and by the dissolution of business and household... I have that We wish to evade these first inconveniences and to take you and our little Erika home with us for the time being. I think you'll thank me for that...?" Tony was silent for a moment while she dried her tears. She breathed awkwardly on her handkerchief and pressed it to her eyes to prevent infection. Then she asked in a decisive tone, without raising her voice: "Papa, is Grünlich guilty! he comes to misfortune out of carelessness and dishonesty!« "Most likely!..." said the Consul. “That is to say... no, I do not know, my child. I told you that the argument with him and his banker is still pending..." Tony didn't seem to have paid any attention to that answer. Bent over on her three silk pillows, she rested her elbows on her knees and her chin in her hands, and with her head bowed, she gazed dreamily up into the room from below. "Oh, papa," she said quietly, almost without moving her lips, "if it hadn't been better then..."

• From Buddenbrooks: The Decline of a Family (1901)

  Instead of "the pencil" he said "the lead." He also gave off an oily-spiritual odor wherever he walked and stood, and some said he drank kerosene. His best hours came when he was allowed to teach a subject other than drawing as a substitute. Then he lectured on Bismarck's politics, accompanying them with insistent, spiraling, nose-to- shoulder slurs, and spoke of social democracy with hatred and fear... "We must stick together!" arms grabbed. "Social Democracy is at the door!" There was something desperately busy about him. He sat down next to one, gave off a strong smell of alcohol, slapped one in the forehead with his signet ring, uttered single words like “Perspective!” “Drop shadow!” “Lead!” “Social Democracy!” “Stick together!” Kai was writing his new literary work during this hour, and Hanno was busy performing an orchestral overture in his mind. Then it was over, you took your things down, the way through the courtyard gates was free, you went home. Hanno and Kai went the same way, and they walked together, their books under their arms, to the little red villa out in the suburbs. Then the young Count Mölln still had to walk a long way to his father's residence alone. He wasn't even wearing a paletot. The fog that had reigned that morning had turned to snow, which fell in large soft flakes and turned into dung. They parted at the Buddenbrooksche garden gate; but when Hanno was halfway across the front yard, Kai came back and put his arm around his neck. "Don't despair... And don't play!" he said softly; then his slender, unkempt form disappeared into the snow flurry. Hanno left his books in the hallway in the bowl that the bear held out in front of him and went into the living room to greet his mother. She was sitting on the chaise longue reading a book bound in yellow. As he strode across the carpet, she looked at him with her brown ones close together eyes with bluish shadows in the corners. When he stood in front of her, she took his head between her hands and kissed his forehead. He went up to his room, where Miss Clementine had prepared some breakfast for him, washed and ate. When he was done, he took a pack of those small, sharp Russian cigarettes, which he was no longer unfamiliar with, from the desk and began to smoke. Then he sat down at the harmonium and played something very difficult, severe, fugal by Bach. And finally he clasped his hands behind his head and looked out the window at the noiselessly falling snow. There was nothing else to see there. There was no longer a graceful garden with a splashing fountain beneath his window. The view was cut off by the gray side wall of the neighboring villa.

• From Heptaméron (1559)

  perfectly content to do so ; for time has had such pity on me that I have wished to return to this place to bid you, not a good day, but a last farewell. Time has shown me love just as it is, poor and naked ; and I have no sense of it except regret. But time has likewise shown me the true love, which I have known only in that solitude where for seven years I have been doomed to mourn in silence. Through time I have come to know the love that dwells on high, at sight of which the other love vanishes, and I have given myself wholly to the one, and weaned my affections from the other. To that better love I devote my heart and my body, to do suit and service to it, and not to you. When I served you, you esteemed me nothing. I now give you back entirely the love you put into my heart, having no need either of it or you. I take my leave of cruelty, pain, torment, scorn, hatred, and the burning fire with which you are filled, rio less than you are adorned with beauty. T cannot better bid farewell to all woes and pains and intolerable distresses, and to the hell of the amorous woman, than in biding farewell to you, madam, without the least prospect that wherever you or I may be, we shall ever look upon each other more." This letter was not read without tears and incredible surprise and regret. Indeed, the queen could not but feel so keenly the loss of a servant who loved her so per- fectly, that not all her treasures, nor even her crown, could hinder her from being the poorest and most misera- ble princess in the world, since she had lost that which no wealth could replace. After hearing mass, she returned to her chamber, where she gave utterance to the lamentations her cruelty had merited. There was no mountain, rock, or forest to which she did not send in quest of the hermit ; but he who had taken him out Third day.\ QUEEN OF NAVARRE. 245 of her hands, hindered him from falling into them again, and removed him to Paradise before she could discover his retreat in this world. This example shows that no one can tell what can do him harm only and no good. Still less, ladies, should you carry distrust and incredulity so far as to lose your lovers through desiring to put them to too severe a proof. " All my life long, Dagoucin," said Geburon, " I have heard the lady in question spoken of as the most virtuous woman in the world ; but now I regard her as the most cruel that ever lived."

• From Saint Thomas Aquinas Collection (22 Books) (2016)

  The third argument, which refers to the conversion of the Jews of their own free will, does not appear relevant to our subject. For the will may be confirmed in good without any violation of its liberty; otherwise neither God nor the blessed in Heaven would enjoy free will. But coercion, proceeding either from violence or fear, is repugnant to liberty. Therefore, the Canon De Judaeis expressly condemns it, saying, “The holy Synod henceforth forbids violence to be used towards anyone to make them believe.” But neither a vow nor an oath do violence to a man; they merely serve to confirm his will in good. Therefore, neither a vow nor an oath render a man unwilling, but rather cause him to will more strongly, and to begin, in so far as may lie in his power, to execute what he has bound himself to. No one in his senses will say that it is unlawful to persuade Jews to bind themselves by vow or oath to be baptized. The fourth contention of our opponents is that sometimes those who have bound themselves by oath or vow to go into religion lapse, and falling into despair, abandon themselves to all manner of iniquity; and thus they become the children of hell, twofold more than they who led them to become religious. This objection is answered by St. Paul, “Shall their unbelief make the faith of God without effect?” (Rom 3:3). From which words we are to conclude that the fact that some men abuse grace is not detrimental to the perseverance of others in good. The Gloss says on this passage that the refusal of certain Jews to believe in no wise hinders others of their nation from accepting what God has promised to His faithful. In the same way, the fact that certain men, after taking a vow or an oath to embrace the religious life, change their minds and become worse than they were before, is no hindrance to others who, having taken a vow, persevere in its accomplishment. Therefore, they who persuade men to make a vow to become religious do not, so far as they are concerned, make them children of hell, but rather children of the Kingdom; since the number of those who persevere is greater than that of those who fall away.

• From Blue Like Jazz (2003)

  My pastor, who is one of my best friends, experienced similar emotions early in his faith. Rick became a Christian when he was nineteen. Before he became a Christian he played football at Chico State, which, at the time, was the number one party school in the nation. And Rick did his share of partying. After months of drunken binges, though, he began to wonder whether there was anything more fulfilling in life than alcohol and sex. He began to long for God. So the next Sunday morning he made a point of being sober, and in fact walked to a local church to attend services. This was Rick’s first time to step foot inside a church, and that morning the pastor happened to talk about sin, and how we are all sinners, and he talked about Jesus, and how Jesus died so that God could forgive us of our sin. At the end of the service, Rick prayed and became a Christian. After a few weeks the pastors from Rick’s new church came to visit, each in their suit and tie, and Rick entertained them and made them coffee, all of them sitting around sipping their coffee and talking nicely while the smell of marijuana lofted above their heads. Rick’s friend was smoking pot in the next room. Rick laughs when he tells me he offered the pastors a hit, not being too offended when they turned him down. The pastors talked to Rick about his conversion, explaining that he had been forgiven of his sins, and that it was important to try to live a righteous life. And Rick agreed with them, noting how much easier it would be to listen to the sermon on Sunday morning if he didn’t have a hangover. So Rick began to choose purity over sin, and for a while he did well, but soon he found that he wanted to party with his friends, or he wanted to have sex with his girlfriend, and from time to time he would fail at his moral efforts. Rick tells me that those were the most depressing moments of his life, because he felt that he was failing the God who had saved him. My pastor was anguished by an inability to control his desires. He felt that he had been given this new life, this key to heaven, and yet couldn’t obey Jesus in return. So one evening he got on his knees and told God he was sorry. He told God how much he wished he could be good and obedient. He then sat on the edge of his bed and swallowed enough muscle relaxants and sleeping pills to kill three people. He lay down in a fetal position and waited to die.

• From Heptaméron (1559)

  compelled to keep his bed, but would never let his mis- tress know of it for fear of distressing her. So entirely did he give himself up to despair, that he neither ate, drank, slept, nor rested ; and became so lean and wan that he was no longer to be recognised. Some one made his state known to the mother of the demoiselle, who was very kind-hearted, and had besides so much esteem for the gentleman, that if the relations had been of the same mind as herself and her daughter, the personal merit of the invalid would have been preferred to the alleged wealth of the other suitor : but the paternal re- lations would not hear of it. However, she went with her daughter to see the poor gentleman, whom she found more dead than alive. As he knew that his end was near, he had confessed and communicated, and never ex- pected to see any more visitors ; but on beholding again her who was his life and his resurrection, his strength returned so that he at once sat up in the bed, and said, " What brings you hither, madam } How come you to visit a man who has already one foot in the grave, and of whose death you are the cause .-* " " What ! " exclaimed the lady. " Is it possible we should cause the death of one we love so much "*. Tell me, I entreat, why you speak in this manner .-* " " Madam, I concealed my love for your daughter as long as I could ; my relations, however, who have asked her of you in marriage, have gone further than I wished, since I have thereby had the misfortune to lose hope. I say misfortune, not with reference to my individual satisfaction, but because I know that no one will ever treat her so well or love her so much as I would have done. Her loss of the best and most faithful friend and servant she has in the world touches me more sensibly than the loss of my life, which I wish to preserve for her 64 THE HEPTAMERON OF THE \Xm;-I i). alone. Nevertheless, since henceforth it can be of no use to her, I gain much in losing it." The mother and daughter tried to comfort him. " Cheer up, my friend," said the mother, " I promise you that, if God restores you to health, my daughter shall never have any other husband than you. She is present, and I command her to make you the same promise."

• From Go Tell It on the Mountain (1953)

  She tried to hold him, but for a long while he would not be held. His body was like iron; she could find no softness in it. She sat curled like a frightened child on the edge of the bed, her hand on his back, waiting for the storm to pass over. It was then that she decided not to tell him yet about the child. By and by he called her name. And then he turned, and she held him against her breast, while he sighed and shook. He fell asleep at last, clinging to her as though he were going down into the water for the last time. And it was the last time. That night he cut his wrists with his razor and he was found in the morning by his landlady, his eyes staring upward with no light, dead among the scarlet sheets. And now they were singing: ‘Somebody needs you, Lord, Come by here. ’ At her back, above her, she heard Gabriel’s voice. He had risen and was helping the others to pray through. She wondered if John were still on his knees, or had risen, with a child’s impatience, and was staring around the church. There was a stiffness in him that would be hard to break, but that, nevertheless, would one day surely be broken. As hers had been, and Richard’s—there was no escape for anyone. God was everywhere, terrible, the living God; and so high, the song said, you couldn’t get over Him; so low you couldn’t get under Him; so wide you couldn’t get around Him; but must come in at the door. And she, she knew to-day that door: a living, wrathful gate. She knew through what fires the soul must crawl, and with what weeping one passed over. Men spoke of how the heart broke up, but never spoke of how the soul hung speechless in the pause, the void, the terror between the living and the dead; how, all garments rent and cast aside, the naked soul passed over the very mouth of Hell. Once there, there was no turning back; once there, the soul remembered, though the heart sometimes forgot. For the world called to the heart, which s ammered to reply; life, and love, and revelry, and, most falsely, hope, called the forgetful, the human heart. Only the soul, obsessed with the journey it had made, and had still to make, pursued its mysterious and dreadful end; and carried, heavy with weeping and bitterness, the heart along. And, therefore, there was war in Heaven, and weeping before the throne: the heart chained to the soul, and the soul imprisoned within the flesh—a weeping, a confusion, and a weight unendurable filled all the earth. Only the love of God could establish order in this chaos; to Him the soul must turn to be delivered. But what a turning!

• From Four Days to Glory: Wrestling with the Soul of the American Heartland (2005)

  He loses to a wrestler who, everyone can agree, deserves his place in the tournament. The same cannot be said for Shannon Hocken, the senior from the family with deep roots in Walker and North-Linn High School. Shannon’s consolation match at 171 pounds, against Matt Stiefel from East Buchanan, is a brutal struggle to stay alive. The boys trade reversals in the second period, neither able to contain the other. Shannon knows what he wants to do, but he can’t seem to stay on course. He’s erratic on the mat, showing flashes of strength and speed but then, just as quickly, losing his concentration and allowing Stiefel to take the upper hand. Shannon takes a 6–4 lead into the third period, but Matt scores an escape to make it 6–5, and then he seizes the lead with a 2-point takedown. Now trailing 7–6, Shannon needs an escape of his own to tie the score and force overtime—and, for that matter, he could win right here, on the spot, with a late 2-point reversal. But with the clock counting down on the period, Shannon appears to yield to the moment. He gets stuck on bottom, pressed against the mat, and cannot seem find a way back up. “Get active, Shannon!” Bridgewater screams from the corner. Up in the stands, the North-Linn parents become increasingly animated, their voices rising and rising. But at some point, they seem to sense that Shannon just isn’t going to fight his way out. Slowly, their cheers begin to recede. It’s a weird shift of emotion, and as the final half-minute ticks away on his wrestling career, Shannon appears almost incapable of movement altogether. The seconds crawl by, and then it’s over. It takes a moment after he shakes the hand of the winner for the reality of this exchange to settle in on Shannon, but when it does, it comes in a fury. Sitting propped against one of the metal exit doors, slumped in his defeat, Shannon suddenly raises his right arm above his head and slams his hand, knuckles-first, against the door, a pounding that resonates even inside the packed gym. A few seconds later, another slam. And then again, as the frustration begins pouring out of him, as the truth about his situation sinks in. He was maybe one great burst of effort away from keeping his career going. He didn’t have it. Now it’s too late. As Shannon begins to crank up, pounding his hand again and again into the metal door, I am reminded of that conversation with the mother at the little kids’ tournament at North-Linn, who had watched a boy put his hand through the glass after losing and thus ruin his own season. Now Shannon has no season left to wreck, and so he’s basically just taking it out on himself.

• From Go Tell It on the Mountain (1953)

  He was invaded, set at naught, possessed. This power had struck John, in the head or in the heart; and, in a moment, wholly, filling him with an anguish that he could never in his life have imagined, that he surely could not endure, that even now he could not believe, had opened him up; had cracked him open, as wood beneath the axe cracks down the middle, as rocks break up; had ripped him and felled him in a moment, so that John had not felt the wound, but only the agony, had not felt the fall, but only the fear; and lay here, now, helpless, screaming, at the very bottom of darkness. He wanted to rise—a malicious, ironic voice insisted that he rise—and, at once, to leave this temple and go out into the world. He wanted to obey the voice, which was the only voice that spoke to him; he tried to assure the voice that he would do his best to rise; he would only lie here a moment, after his dreadful fall, and catch his breath. It was at this moment, precisely, that he found he could not rise; something had happened to his arms, his legs, his feet—ah, something had happened to John! And he began to scream again in his great, bewildered terror, and felt himself, indeed, begin to move—not upward, toward the light, but down again, a sickness in his bowels, a tightening in his loin-strings; he felt himself turning, again and again, across the dusty floor, as though God’s toe had touched him lightly. And the dust made him cough and retch; in his turning the centre of the whole earth shifted, making of space a sheer void and a mockery of order, and balance, and time. Nothing remained: all was swallowed up in chaos. And: Is this it? John’s terrified soul inquired— What is it? —to no purpose, receiving no answer. Only the ironic voice insisted yet once more that he rise from that filthy floor if he did not want to become like all the other niggers. Then the anguish subsided for a moment, as water withdraws briefly to dash itself once more against the rocks: he knew that it subsided only to return. And he coughed and sobbed in the dusty space before the altar, lying on his face. And still he was going down, farther and farther from the joy, the singing, and the light above him. He tried, but in such despair!—the utter darkness does not present any point of departure, contains no beginning, and no end—to rediscover, and, as it were, to trap and hold tightly in the palm of his hand, the moment preceding his fall, his change. But that moment was also locked in darkness, was wordless, and would not come forth.

• From Four Days to Glory: Wrestling with the Soul of the American Heartland (2005)

  This time, it is Zach who finds deep inside him the one move that he needs, and Zach who astonishes the Vets audience by pulling that move on Mitch as those finals seconds trickle down. Now it is Zach, not Mitch, who bursts into tears of joy, stumbling around the mat, looking for somebody to hug. There is no shortage of takers. Down the flights of stairs, away from the screams and the pandemonium around McKray, all is quiet shock. How could Mitch, of all people, lose this one at such a critical time? Kyle has already won his semifinal at 125 pounds, and Joey follows right behind him at 130. It had been a given that Mitch would be joining them any second, ready to go give Jay a quick thumbs-up before Jay’s match gets ready to go. Now Joey Slaton looks across the basement, under the harsh light, and he spies his friend doubled over against a tile wall. Mitch has retreated to the loneliest corner he can find, but there is just no place even inside this massive old structure to really be alone. He will suffer in public, or at least in the public company of those who have always known him, and it is such a deeply personal moment that, as the reality of what has happened sinks in, the other wrestlers begin moving away, giving Mitch a wide berth in his misery as they walk past in an exaggerated curve. Dan LeClere once said he didn’t think it would be the end of the world to him if he experienced that kind of defeat, then thought for a moment and added, “But ask me again if it ever happens.” It isn’t so much that losing is beyond the realm of possibility; everyone understands that. But it is simply beyond the scope of what any elite athlete is really willing to process. Now, Joey, already weighed in for his Saturday championship match, finds his way quietly to Mitch’s side and leans in close, and the two of them share that moment of common disbelief. It is pure silence. Old friends. Across the way, Jay absorbs the news. There are no great lessons to be learned at this stage, and he doesn’t waste a minute in trying. Jay can’t believe that Mitch’s coach would have him wrestling so defensively for so long when it goes against Mitch’s natural character on the mat—but, on the other hand, it isn’t as though anyone needs to remind Jay that anything can happen. He has felt ready to cough up a lung now for the better part of a week. Of course anything can happen. Now, as Jay moves upstairs in the Barn, he soaks up that collective crowd energy and the leftover buzz from the Mueller-McKray match, and he takes it inside of him, and he will wear it like a black hat.

• From Saint Thomas Aquinas Collection (22 Books) (2016)

  REWARD AND MISERY POSTPONED TO THE NEXT WORLDIn this matter we should note that contrary causes beget contrary effects. Thus action that proceeds from malice is contrary to action that proceeds from virtue. Accordingly wretchedness, in which evil action issues, is the opposite of happiness, which virtuous action merits. Furthermore, contraries pertain to the same genus. Therefore, since final happiness, which is reached by virtuous action, is a good that belongs not to this life but to the next life, as is clear from an earlier discussion, final wretchedness, also, to which vice leads, must be an evil belonging to the next world. Besides, all goods and ills of this life are found to serve some purpose. External goods, and also bodily goods, are organically connected with virtue, which is the way leading directly to beatitude, for those who use such goods well. But for those who use these goods ill, they are instruments of vice, which ends up in misery. Similarly the ills opposed to such goods, as sickness, poverty, and the like, are an occasion of progress in virtue for some but aggravate the viciousness of others, according as men react differently to such conditions. But what is ordained to something else cannot be the final end, because it is not the ultimate in reward or punishment. Therefore neither ultimate happiness nor ultimate misery consists in the goods or ills of this life. CHAPTER 174 WRETCHEDNESS FLOWING FROM THE PUNISHMENT OF LOSSSince the wretchedness to which vice leads is opposed to the happiness to which virtue leads, whatever pertains to wretchedness must be understood as being the opposite of all we have said about happiness. We pointed out above that man’s ultimate happiness, as regards his intellect, consists in the unobstructed vision of God. And as regards man’s affective life, happiness consists in the immovable repose of his will in the first Good. Therefore man’s extreme unhappiness will consist in the fact that his intellect is completely shut off from the divine light, and that his affections are stubbornly turned against God’s goodness. And this is the chief suffering of the damned. It is known as the punishment of loss.

• From Buddenbrooks: The Decline of a Family (1901)

  Tom and Tony down there, not liking fish and having been listening attentively to the talk of the tall people, called up almost in unison, "Oh yes, tell it, Grandmamma!" But the pastor, knowing she didn't love it, To report this incident, which was a bit embarrassing for them, began again with the old little story instead of them, which the children would have liked to have listened to for the hundredth time and which perhaps one or the other was still unaware of... "In a nutshell, figure yourself out: It's a November afternoon, cold and not raining, God have mercy, I'm coming up Alfstrasse from an official business and I'm thinking of the bad times. Prince Blucher was gone, the French were in town, but there was little sign of the prevailing excitement. The streets were quiet, people sat in their houses and took care. Butcher Prahl, who was standing in front of his door with his hands in his trouser pockets and had said in his booming voice: "That's really too bad, is that really wanted -!" been ... Well, I think you want to look into Buddenbrooks, a word of encouragement might be welcome; the man is lying with the head rose, and Madame will have to deal with the billeting.” “There, at the same moment, who do I see coming towards me? Our dear Madame Buddenbrook. In what condition? She rushes through the rain without a hat, she has scarcely thrown a shawl over her shoulders, she falls more than she walks, and her coiffure is a complete mess... No, that's true, Madame! there was hardly any talk of a coiffure .” »'What a pleasant surprise !' I say and take the liberty of holding her sleeve, who doesn't see me at all, because I don't have anything good in mind... 'Where are you going so quickly, my dear?' She notices me, she looks at me , she blurts out: 'It's you ... farewell! Everything is over! I'm going down to the Trave!‹« “'Beware!' I say, and feel myself turning white. 'This is not the place for you, my dear! But what happened?' And I hold her as tight as respect will allow. ›What happened?‹ she cries, shaking. ›You are above the silverware, Wonderful! That happened! And Jean is lying with the head rose and can't help me! And he couldn't help either if he were on his feet! They steal my spoons, my silver spoons, that's what happened, Wunderlich, and I'm going to the Trave!'" "Well, I'm holding our friend, I say what is said in such cases, 'Courage,' I say, 'Darling!' and 'Everything will be fine!' conjure her, and let's go!'

• From Saint Thomas Aquinas Collection (22 Books) (2016)

  Reply to Objection 2: Gregory fittingly assigns the daughters of sloth. For since, according to the Philosopher (Ethic. viii, 5,6) “no man can be a long time in company with what is painful and unpleasant,” it follows that something arises from sorrow in two ways: first, that man shuns whatever causes sorrow; secondly, that he passes to other things that give him pleasure: thus those who find no joy in spiritual pleasures, have recourse to pleasures of the body, according to the Philosopher (Ethic. x, 6). Now in the avoidance of sorrow the order observed is that man at first flies from unpleasant objects, and secondly he even struggles against such things as cause sorrow. Now spiritual goods which are the object of the sorrow of sloth, are both end and means. Avoidance of the end is the result of “despair,” while avoidance of those goods which are the means to the end, in matters of difficulty which come under the counsels, is the effect of “faint-heartedness,” and in matters of common righteousness, is the effect of “sluggishness about the commandments.” The struggle against spiritual goods that cause sorrow is sometimes with men who lead others to spiritual goods, and this is called “spite”; and sometimes it extends to the spiritual goods themselves, when a man goes so far as to detest them, and this is properly called “malice.” In so far as a man has recourse to eternal objects of pleasure, the daughter of sloth is called “wandering after unlawful things.” From this it is clear how to reply to the objections against each of the daughters: for “malice” does not denote here that which is generic to all vices, but must be understood as explained. Nor is “spite” taken as synonymous with hatred, but for a kind of indignation, as stated above: and the same applies to the others.

• From Heptaméron (1559)

  or rather on loathsome mud ; and though a great part of the house was already built, in which I hoped perpetually to abide, you have knocked it all down at a blow. So never more expect anything of me ; and never think of speak- ing to me, wherever I may be, either with your tongue or your eyes ; and be assured that my sentiments will never change. I say this to you with extreme regret. If I had plighted you a perfect friendship, I am sure my heart could not have borne this rupture and lived; though, indeed, the amazement into which I am cast at having been deceived is so intense and poignant, that, if it does not cut short my life, it will at least render it very unhappy, I have no more to say but to bid you an eternal farewelL" I will not attempt to describe the anguish of Ama- dour at hearing these words. It would be impossible not only to depict it but even to imagine it, except for those who have been in a similar position. As Florida turned to depart, he caught her by the arm, well know- ing that he should lose her forever unless he removed the bad opinion his conduct had caused her to entertain of him. " It has been the longing of my whole life, madam," he said, with the most sanctimonious counte- nance he could assume, " to love a woman of virtue ; and as I have found few such, I wished to know if you were as estimable in that respect as you are for beauty ; whereof I am now, thanks be to God, fully convinced. I congratulate myself on having given my heart to such an assemblage of perfections ; and I entreat you, madam, to pardon my caprice and my audacity, since the de- nouement is so glorious for you, and yields me such pleasure." Florida was beginning to have her eyes opened to the wiles of men ; and as she had been slow to believe evil where it existed, she was still slower to believe good rtrstday.] QUEEN OF NAVARRE. 93

• From Saint Thomas Aquinas Collection (22 Books) (2016)

  ORIGEN. As He had said to the righteous, Come ye, so He says to the wicked, Depart ye, for they who keep God’s commandment are near to the Word, and are called that they may be made more near; but they are far from it, though they may seem to stand hard by, who do not His commands; therefore it is said to them, Depart ye, that those who seemed to be living before Him, might be no more seen. It should be remarked, that though He had said to the Saints, Ye blessed of my Father, He says not now, Ye cursed of my Father, because of all blessing the Father is the author, but each man is the origin of his own curse when he does the things that deserve the curse. They who depart from Jesus fall into eternal fire, which is of a very different kind from that fire which we use. For no fire which we have is eternal, nor even of any long continuance. And note, that He does not say, ‘the kingdom prepared for the Angels,’ as He does say everlasting fire prepared for the Devil and his Angels; because He did not, as far as in Him lay, create men to perdition, but sinners yoke themselves to the Devil, so that as they that are saved are made equal to the holy Angels, they that perish are made equal with the Devil’s Angels. AUGUSTINE. (de Civ. Dei, xxi. 10.) It is hence clear, that the same fire will be appropriated to the punishment of men and of dæmons. If then it inflicts pain by corporeal touch, so as to produce bodily torment, how will there be in it any punishment for the evil spirits, unless the dæmons have, as some have thought, bodies composed of gross and fluid air. But if any man asserts that the dæmons have no bodies, we would not pugnaciously contend the point. For why may we not say, that truly, though wonderfully, even incorporeal spirit can feel pain of corporeal fire? If the spirits of men, though themselves incorporeal, can be now inclosed in bodily limbs, they can then be inseparably attached to the bonds of body. The dæmons then will be united to a body of material fire, though themselves immaterial, drawing punishment from their body, not giving life to it. And that fire being material will torture such bodies as ours with their spirits; but the dæmons are spirits without bodies.