Despair

Passages

Every passage tagged with this emotion in the Vela corpus. Search the body text, narrow by source or register, click through to a book’s profile to see how the passage sits with the rest of the work.

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• From Heptaméron (1559)

  Amadour's wife being interred, and the king's orders being pressing, he could find no pretext to prolong his stay ; which so augmented his anguish that he had like to lose his senses. Florida, who, thinking to console him, was his very desolation, passed a whole afternoon in conversing with him in the most gracious manner, thinking to comfort him by the assurance that she would always find means to see him, oftener than he supposed. As he was to depart on the following day, and was so weak that he could not quit his bed, he entreated her to come again in the evening to see him, after everyone else had left him. She promised to do so, not knowing that excessive love knows no restraint of reason ; whilst he, despairing for the future of seeing her whom he had First day.] QUEEN OF NAVARRE. 8g SO long loved, and of whom he had never had but what you have seen, was so racked by his love and his despair that he resolved to play, as it were, at double or quits — that is to say, to win or lose all, and to pay himself in one hour for what he thought he had merited. He had his bed hung with such good curtains that he could not be seen by persons in the room, and he complained more than usual, so that everybody in the house thought he had not four-and-twenty hours to live.

• From Saint Thomas Aquinas Collection (22 Books) (2016)

  IV. On the fourth head it is to be noted, that three things are mentioned here in which the future calamity of the wicked consists. (1) The complete absence of all good things; and this is noted by the fact that Dives was not able to have a drop of water. Job 27:20, Vulg., “Poverty like water shall take hold on him.” (2) The bitterness and multiplicity of the punishments—“I am tormented in this flame.” Psa. 11:6, “Upon the wicked He shall rain snares, fire and brimstone, and an horrible tempest: this shall be the portion of their cup.” (3) The mighty confusion and ignominy—“Was buried; and in hell.” What can be more ignominious than to be buried with such a burial? Jer. 22:19, “He shall be buried with the burial of an ass.” Jer. 20:11, Vulg., “They shall be greatly confounded, because they have not understood the everlasting reproach which never shall be effaced.” Therefore present prosperity is to be condemned; present adversity to be joyfully sustained; the calamity of the lost to be fled from; and the happiness of the saints to be sought for with all desire; to which may we be led, &c. HOMILY III ALMSGIVING—A THREEFOLD BLESSING SECOND SUNDAY AFTER TRINITY.—(FROM THE EPISTLE)“But whoso hath this world’s good, and seeth his brother have need,” &c.—1 S. John 3:17. S. JOHN the Apostle in these words exhorts us to the practice of almsgiving for three reasons, for he who does almsgiving obtains three good gifts—(1) temporal good; (2) spiritual good; (3) eternal good.

• From Heptaméron (1559)

  compelled to keep his bed, but would never let his mis- tress know of it for fear of distressing her. So entirely did he give himself up to despair, that he neither ate, drank, slept, nor rested ; and became so lean and wan that he was no longer to be recognised. Some one made his state known to the mother of the demoiselle, who was very kind-hearted, and had besides so much esteem for the gentleman, that if the relations had been of the same mind as herself and her daughter, the personal merit of the invalid would have been preferred to the alleged wealth of the other suitor : but the paternal re- lations would not hear of it. However, she went with her daughter to see the poor gentleman, whom she found more dead than alive. As he knew that his end was near, he had confessed and communicated, and never ex- pected to see any more visitors ; but on beholding again her who was his life and his resurrection, his strength returned so that he at once sat up in the bed, and said, " What brings you hither, madam } How come you to visit a man who has already one foot in the grave, and of whose death you are the cause .-* " " What ! " exclaimed the lady. " Is it possible we should cause the death of one we love so much "*. Tell me, I entreat, why you speak in this manner .-* " " Madam, I concealed my love for your daughter as long as I could ; my relations, however, who have asked her of you in marriage, have gone further than I wished, since I have thereby had the misfortune to lose hope. I say misfortune, not with reference to my individual satisfaction, but because I know that no one will ever treat her so well or love her so much as I would have done. Her loss of the best and most faithful friend and servant she has in the world touches me more sensibly than the loss of my life, which I wish to preserve for her 64 THE HEPTAMERON OF THE \Xm;-I i). alone. Nevertheless, since henceforth it can be of no use to her, I gain much in losing it." The mother and daughter tried to comfort him. " Cheer up, my friend," said the mother, " I promise you that, if God restores you to health, my daughter shall never have any other husband than you. She is present, and I command her to make you the same promise."

• From Heptaméron (1559)

  Firttday\ QUEEN OF NAVARRE. 15 To clear up his doubts, he secreted himself in a neigh bojring house, where he remained on sentry till three o'clock in the morning, when he saw the bishop come out, and recognized him perfectly in spite of his dis- guise. The young man returned in despair to Alen9on, where his wicked mistress arrived soon after. Nevet doubting but that she should dupe him as usual, she lost no time in coming to see him, but he told her that since she had touched sacred things she was too holy to talk to a sinner like him, but a sinner so repentant that he hoped his sin would soon be forgiven. When she found she was discovered, and that excuses and promises never to offend in that way again were of no avail, she went off and complained to her bishop. After long pon- dering over the matter, she told her husband that she could no longer reside in Alengon because the lieuten- ant's son, whom he thought so much his friend, was incessantly importuning her, and she begged that in order to prevent all suspicion he would take a house at Arg-entan. The husband, who allowed himself to be led by her, easily consented. They had been but a few days settled in Argentan, when this wretched woman sent word to the lieutenant's son that he was the most wicked of men, and that she was not ignorant that he publicly maligned her and the prelate, but that she would yet find means to make him repent of this. The young man, who had never spoken to any one but herself, and who was afraid of involving himself in a quarrel with the prelate, mounted his horse and rode to Argentan, attended only by two of his ser- vants. He found the lady at the Jacobins, where she was hearing vespers, and having placed himself on his knees beside her, " I am come, Madam," he said, " to iC THE HEPTAMERON OF THE iNavet 1 protest to you before God that I have never complained of you to any but yourself. You have behaved so vilely to me that what I have said to you is not half what you deserve. But if any man or woman says that I have publicly spoken ill of you, I am here to contradict them in your presence."

• From Heptaméron (1559)

  Amadour's wife being interred, and the king's orders being pressing, he could find no pretext to prolong his stay ; which so augmented his anguish that he had like to lose his senses. Florida, who, thinking to console him, was his very desolation, passed a whole afternoon in conversing with him in the most gracious manner, thinking to comfort him by the assurance that she would always find means to see him, oftener than he supposed. As he was to depart on the following day, and was so weak that he could not quit his bed, he entreated her to come again in the evening to see him, after everyone else had left him. She promised to do so, not knowing that excessive love knows no restraint of reason ; whilst he, despairing for the future of seeing her whom he had First day.] QUEEN OF NAVARRE. 8g SO long loved, and of whom he had never had but what you have seen, was so racked by his love and his despair that he resolved to play, as it were, at double or quits — that is to say, to win or lose all, and to pay himself in one hour for what he thought he had merited. He had his bed hung with such good curtains that he could not be seen by persons in the room, and he complained more than usual, so that everybody in the house thought he had not four-and-twenty hours to live.

• From Saint Thomas Aquinas Collection (22 Books) (2016)

  BEDE. (ubi sup.) Woe too to that man, to-day and for ever, who comes to the Lord’s table with an evil intent. For he, after the example of Judas, betrays the Lord, not indeed to Jewish sinners, but to his own sinning members. It goes on: Good were it for that man if he had never been born. PSEUDO-JEROME. That is, hidden in his mother’s inmost womb, for it is better for a man not to exist than to exist for torments. THEOPHYLACT. For as respects the end for which he was designed, it would have been better for him to have been born, if he had not been the betrayer, for God created him for good works; but after he had fallen into such dreadful wickedness, it would have been better for him never to have been born. 14:22–2522. And as they did eat, Jesus took bread, and blessed, and brake it, and gave to them, and said, Take, eat: this is my body. 23. And he took the cup, and when he had given thanks, he gave it to them: and they all drank of it. 24. And he said unto them, This is my blood of the new testament, which is shed for many. 25. Verily I say unto you, I will drink no more of the fruit of the vine, until that day that I drink it new in the kingdom of God. BEDE. (ubi sup.) When the rites of the old Passover were finished, He passed to the new, in order, that is, to substitute the Sacrament of His own Body and Blood, for the flesh and blood of the lamb. Wherefore there follows: And as they did eat, Jesus took bread; that is, in order to shew that He Himself is that person to whom the Lord swore, Thou art a Priest for ever after the order of Melchizedec. (Ps. 110:4) There follows: And blessed, and brake it. THEOPHYLACT. That is, giving thanks, He brake it, which we also do, with the addition of some prayers. BEDE. (ubi sup.) He Himself also breaks the bread, which He gives to His disciples, to shew that the breaking of His Body was to take place, not against His will, nor without His intervention; He also blessed it, because He with the Father and the Holy Spirit filled His human nature, which He took upon Him in order to suffer, with the grace of Divine power. He blessed bread and brake it, because He deigned to subject to death His manhood, which He had taken upon Him, in such a way as to shew that there was within it the power of Divine immortality, and to teach them that therefore He would the more quickly raise it from the dead. There follows: And gave to them, and said, Take, eat: this is my body.

• From Love & Sex: A Christian Guide to Healthy Intimacy (2018)

  “It is—I am dying inside. Numb. I read one romance novel after another and wonder why I am so alone. I almost couldn’t take it the other night and so I got on Craigslist, pondering a one-night stand with a complete stranger. I feel out of control sexually. I’m so alone, but one part of me likes it,” Vanessa confessed. Kaycie was sitting next to her and moved in a little closer. “Your secret doesn’t freak me out. I have wondered why you were so quiet for so long. Is there anything else you want us to know?” “No, I think that’s it. Except, I really miss my husband. It’s so quiet in the house, and I am sick of frozen pizza, romance novels, and, mostly, being alone. I don’t think he would ever come back to me. I couldn’t even ask him to. He hasn’t moved on. He just moved out and told me I had to get help. I have sat here for six months frozen. Afraid to tell you women I am the one with what feels like a sexual addiction. I am the one with the porn issue. I am the one who masturbates at least twice a day, sometimes more. What is wrong with me?” Vanessa asked with frustration. Olivia asked, “Vanessa, you have heard us talk about how sexual addiction isn’t about sex, but about medicating pain or stress. What are you medicating?” “I can’t even talk about it. It’s so bad,” Vanessa said flatly. “It seems too dark to talk about,” Olivia reflected. “Yes. It was so bad—so awful. And I am such a slut. I’m not good enough to have relationships or have people care about me. I couldn’t tolerate my husband wanting to have a relationship with me. I was ruined in college,” Vanessa revealed. “Can you tell us about it, Vanessa, what ruined you?” Olivia asked gently. “I was a college athlete and at a big tournament with both male and female athletes. Both teams had big wins that day and we were all celebrating afterward, at a local pub. I was at the bar with several of the other girls, when a couple of the male athletes approached us; one of the guys I knew well, and actually dated. “Somewhere in the conversation the other girls went to the bathroom. I think one of the male athletes slipped something into my drink—next thing you know, I am at an apartment, and all three of these guys are having sex with me. I started to sober up and they wouldn’t stop. I begged them to stop. But they wouldn’t listen. They did unspeakable things to me, and, if I remember right, several other guys joined in as well.

• From Saint Thomas Aquinas Collection (22 Books) (2016)

  THE TEN LEPERS FOURTEENTH SUNDAY AFTER TRINITY.—(FROM THE GOSPEL)“There met Him ten men that were lepers, which stood afar off.”—S. Luke 17:12. THREE points are characteristically noticed in this Gospel. Firstly, the number of the sinners, “ten men.” Secondly, the remedy for their healing, “there met Him.” Thirdly, the remedies which are necessary to those who are cured of sin, “one of them when he saw that he was healed.” To consider, now, the difference and number of the sinners it is to be noted that the ten lepers may signify ten kinds of sins. (1) The first leper is an infidel and a heretic who is separated from the society of the faithful and the holy: “The Lord spake unto Moses, saying, Command the children of Israel, that they put out of the camp every leper.… and the children of Israel did so, and put them without the camp,” &c., Num. 5:24. (2) The second leper is a blasphemer and detractor: “And Miriam and Aaron spake against Moses because of the Ethiopean woman whom he had married.… and they said, Hath the Lord spoken only by Moses? Hath He not also spoken by us? And the Lord heard it.… Wherefore, then, were ye not afraid to speak against My servant Moses?.… And Aaron looked upon Miriam, and behold she was leprous,” Num. 12:1, 2, 8, 10. (3) The third leper is gluttonous, who taints the air with fœtid exhalations, proceeding from excessive repletion: “He is a leprous man, he is unclean.… He shall put a covering upon his upper lip, and shall cry, Unclean, unclean,” Levit. 13:44, 45. (4) The fourth leper is the avaricious man, who is ever infected with an immoderate desire of possessing: this was the leprosy of Gehazi: “Is it a time to receive money, and to receive garments, and oliveyards … the leprosy therefore of Naaman shall cleave unto thee, and unto thy seed for ever,” 2 Kings 5:26, 27. (5) The fifth leper is the proud man, who with a swelling mind exalts himself against the Lord and Christ. Such was Naaman, King of Syria, and being very rich, and “also a mighty man in valour, but he was a leper,” 2 Kings 5:1. (6) The sixth leper is the ambitious man, who desired honours and dignities: such an one as Uzziah, who took upon himself the honour of High Priest: “He transgressed against the Lord his God, and went into the temple of the Lord to burn incense.… and while he was wroth with the priests the leprosy rose up in his forehead before the priests,” 2 Chron. 26:16–20. (7) The seventh leper is the hypocrite or vainglorious, who foolishly prides himself on his good things: such was the leprosy of Simon the Pharisee: “When Jesus was in Bethany in the house of Simon the leper,” S. Matt. 26:6. (8) The eighth leper is the sensual man, who contaminates creatures with the issue of his uncleannesses: “What man soever of the seed of Aaron is a leper, or hath a running issue, he shall not eat of the holy things until he be clean,” Levit. 22:3. (9) The ninth leper is a homicide: such as was Joab, upon whom the wrath of God came because he slew Abner: “Let there not fail from the house of Joab one that hath an issue, or that is a leper,” 2 Sam. 3:29. (10) The tenth leper is he who is obstinate and desperate, and who finally sins: “When the plague of leprosy is in a man.… if the rising be white in the skin, and it have turned the hair white.… it is an old leprosy,” Levit. 13:9–11. S. Jerome observes, that he who despairs of pardon for sin is more bound by his desperation than by the sin which he has committed. Desperation increases despair, and is a greater tyrant than any sin. He who wishes to be cured from sin’s leprosy runs to the fountain of precious blood, which the ineffable charity of our Lord Jesus Christ opened for us: Who washed us in it, and will cleanse all those who fly unto Him from the leprosy of all sin. “Unto Him that loved us and washed us from our sins in His own blood.… to Him be glory and dominion for ever and ever. Amen.” Rev. 1:5, 6.

• From Heptaméron (1559)

  should pardon that murderer, who has caused your death by a deed more vile than if he had killed you with a sword. If I knew a more odious executioner than myself, I would entreat him to do justice upon your per- fidious lover. O love ! I have offended thee from not having known how to love ; and therefore thou wilt not succour me as thou hast succoured her who perfectly kept all thy laws. Nor is it just that I should make such a glorious end : it must be by my own hand. I have washed your face with my tears ; I have implored your pardon ; and it now only remains that my arm make my body like yours, 'and send my soul whither yours is gone, in the assurance that a virtuous and hon- orable love ends neither in this word nor in the next." Starting up then, like a frantic man, from the corpse, he drew his poniard, and stabbed himself to the heart ; and then, clasping his mistress in his arms for the second time, he kissed her so fondly that he seemed more like a blissful lover than a dead man. The demoiselle seeing the deed, ran to the door and screamed for help. The duke, suspecting the disaster of those he loved, was the first to enter the gardcrobe, and on seeing that sad couple, he tried to separate them, in order to save the gentleman if it were possible ; but he held his mistress so fast that it was impossible to tear him from her until he had expired. Nevertheless, hearing the duke ex- claim, " My God ! who has been the cause of this .? " " My tongue and yours, monsieur," he replied, with a look of fury. So saying he breathed his last, with his face laid on that of his mistress. The duke, wishing to know more of the matter, con- strained the demoiselle to tell him all she had seen and heard, which she did from beginning to end, without for- getting anything. The duke then, knowing that he was Seventh day. ] Q UEEM Of jVA VA RRE. 5 4 1

• From Saint Thomas Aquinas Collection (22 Books) (2016)

  III. On the third head, it is to be noted, that the severity to the sentence on the wicked will be felt in three ways. (1) They will be deprived of all good things, S. Augus. (in his book of the “City of God”), “In the last punishment it will be just, that the wicked and the ungodly should weep for the loss of natural good things in their torments, feeling their depriver to be the most just God, when they have despised the most bountiful Benefactor.” Job 20:15, “He hath swallowed down riches, and he shall vomit them up again: God shall cast them out of his belly.” (2) Because they shall be tormented by the burning of the most fierce fire, Isa. 66:24, “Neither shall their fire be quenched.” (3) Because they shall not be liberated for ever, S. Matt. 25:41, “Depart from me,” without Whom there is no good: behold the first. “Into fire:” behold the second. “Everlasting:” behold the third. From which may Jesus Christ deliver us. HOMILY XIX TRUE AND FALSE GLORY TENTH SUNDAY AFTER TRINITY[This Homily is substituted for the one which occurs in the series, and which treats of the false gods of the heathen.] “He that glorieth let him glory in the Lord.”—1 Cor. 1:1. EVERY rational creature longs for glory, because such an one was created for glory; and therefore the Apostle in these words points out where true glory can be found; and he points out here two kinds of glory—an unreal and a live glory. I. On the first head, it is to be noted, that there is (1) a false glory in temporal riches—“And boast themselves in the multitude of their riches,” Psa. 49:6. (2) A vain glory—“Wicked boasteth of his heart’s desire,” Psa. 10:3; that is, he glories in earthly dignities. “Let not the wise man glory in his wisdom, neither let the mighty man glory in his might,” Jer. 9:23. (3) There is also a foolish glory in pleasures; for it is foolish to glory in mortal meats—“She that liveth in pleasure is dead,” 1 S. Tim. 5:6. (4) An evil glory in wickedness—“Why boasteth thou thyself in mischief?” Psa. 52:1. The first glory tendeth to poverty—“The rich man shall lie down, but he shall not be gathered; he openeth his eyes, and he is not” (Job 27:19). The second ends in ignominy—“Their glory shall fly away like a bird,” Hosea 9:11. The third is changed into the anguish of grief—“How much she hath glorified herself and lived deliciously, so much torment and sorrow gave her,” Rev. 18:7. The fourth into eternal torment—“Upon the wicked He shall rain snares, fire and brimstone,” &c., Psa. 11:6. “For their worm shall not die, neither shall their fire be quenched,” Isa. 66:24.

• From Saint Thomas Aquinas Collection (22 Books) (2016)

  36. And one ran and filled a spunge full of vinegar, and put it on a reed, and gave him to drink, saying, Let alone; let us see whether Elias will come to take him down. 37. And Jesus cried with a loud voice, and gave up the ghost. BEDE. (ubi sup.) This most glorious light took away its rays from the world, lest it should see the Lord hanging, and lest the blasphemers should have the benefit of its light. Wherefore it goes on: And when the sixth hour was come, there was darkness over the whole land until the ninth hour. AUGUSTINE. (de Con. Evan. 3, 17) Luke added to this account the cause of the darkness, that is, the darkening of the sun. THEOPHYLACT. If this had been the time for an eclipse, some one might have said that this that happened was natural, but it was the fourteenth moon, when no eclipse can take place. There follows: And at the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani. PSEUDO-JEROME. At the ninth hour, the tenth piece of money which had been lost is found, by the overturning of the house. BEDE. (ubi sup.) For when Adam sinned, it is also written that he heard the voice of the Lord, walking in paradise, in the cool after mid-day; (Gen. 3:8.) and in that hour when the first Adam by sinning brought death into the world, in that same hour the second Adam by dying destroyed death. And we must observe, that our Lord was crucified, when the sun was going away from the centre of the world; but at sunrise He celebrated the mysteries of His resurrection; because He died for our sins, but rose again for our justification. Nor need you wonder at the lowliness of His words, at the complaints as of one forsaken, when you look on the offence of the cross, knowing the form of a servant. For as hunger, and thirst, and fatigue were not things proper to the Divinity, but bodily affections; so His saying, Why hast thou forsaken me? was proper to a bodily voice, for the body is never naturally wont to wish to be separated from the life which is joined to it. For although our Saviour Himself said this, He really shewed the weakness of His body; He spoke therefore as man, bearing about with Him my feelings, for when placed in danger we fancy that we are deserted by God.

• From Love & Sex: A Christian Guide to Healthy Intimacy (2018)

  “Making love to another person requires curiosity and exploration. When porn has filled that need, lovemaking becomes more of a chore. Porn will eventually become boring as well, in the sense that porn is completely selfish and about getting what one wants, a quick release, or a turn-on, and it nullifies the true meaning and complexity of sex with another human being. “This is why the images continue to get more degrading, cruel, and violent, the need for the high porn provides is like a fire that has to be fed continually—more and more is needed to fuel the fire. And it becomes a consuming fire that destroys human relationships. Porn will always fail us; all become victims to this sleek, appealing, dragon, beckoning users with its promise to fulfill all sexual desires, never giving implication to the death it will bring. “Culturally and personally, I don’t think we can afford to be casual about this topic any longer. It’s literally changing brain pathways and demands more and more usage to get the same high. The reward center of our brain fires up when we accomplish a goal. The brain chemical dopamine is released, giving us the thrill that goes with accomplishment. Dopamine is secreted at moments of sexual excitement and novelty. “Porn scenes filled with novel sexual acts fire the reward center. The ventral tegmental area (VTA) is the origin of the dopamine system and is the natural reward circuitry of the brain—it is a personal drug dispenser. The VTA looks for novelty and gives a big hit of dopamine when someone finds it. To get the same hit of dopamine, one has to seek new and novel images. The images are reinforced by the dopamine hit, altering the user’s sexual tastes. What may have started as a way to learn about sex or spice things up with a sexual partner, ends up changing the sexual tastes of the user. This usage then damages the dopamine reward system, thus damaging the brain. “Getting sex without the work of being in a relationship with a real person alters the reward center, so human beings lose their God-given motivation to pursue and court a spouse or person to be in relationship with. God intended oxytocin (the love hormone) to be released during lovemaking, which bonds and attaches a couple to one another. This sexual bonding, then helps couples have more grace for some of the annoying things that take place between two people. “Solo sex does not provide this oxytocin release, thus, leaving its users more lonely and disconnected. I have lots of compassion for those who are sexually addicted to porn, because typically there are deeper hurts and wounds that need to be addressed. But I think it is vital we see it for the poison it is, even if all we recognize is how porn is not helping to create a more humane, empathic, and connected world. Instead, it is doing the opposite.

• From Buddenbrooks: The Decline of a Family (1901)

  It was only at that moment that everything that lay hidden in the word "bankruptcy" dawned on her, everything that had made her feel vague and dreadful about it even as a small child... "bankruptcy"... that was something more hideous than death, it was Riot, breakdown, ruin, disgrace, shame, despair and misery... "He's going bankrupt!" she repeated. She was so defeated and devastated by this fateful word that she thought of no help, not even one that could come from her father. He looked at her with raised brows, with his small, deep-set eyes, which looked sad and tired and yet betrayed an extraordinary tension. 'So I asked you,' he said softly, 'my dear Tony, are you prepared to follow your husband into poverty?...' Immediately afterwards he admitted to himself that he instinctively understood the harsh word 'poverty' deterrent, adding, "He can work his way back up..." 'Certainly, papa,' replied Tony. But that didn't stop her from bursting into tears. She sobbed into her lace-trimmed cambric with the initials AG . She was still crying like a child: completely uninhibited and unadorned. Her upper lip made an unspeakably touching impression. Her father continued to examine her with his eyes. "Are you serious, my child?" he asked. He was just as clueless as she was. "Don't I have to..." she sobbed. "I have to..." "Not at all!" he said briskly; but guiltily he immediately corrected himself: 'I wouldn't necessarily force you to, my dear Tony. Unless your feelings did not bind you inexorably to your husband..." She looked at him with tearful and uncomprehending eyes. "Why, Dad...?" The consul tossed and turned a little and found a source of information. 'My good child, you may believe that I should feel it very painful to subject you to all the hardships and embarrassments which are about to be brought about by your husband's misfortune, and by the dissolution of business and household... I have that We wish to evade these first inconveniences and to take you and our little Erika home with us for the time being. I think you'll thank me for that...?" Tony was silent for a moment while she dried her tears. She breathed awkwardly on her handkerchief and pressed it to her eyes to prevent infection. Then she asked in a decisive tone, without raising her voice: "Papa, is Grünlich guilty! he comes to misfortune out of carelessness and dishonesty!« "Most likely!..." said the Consul. “That is to say... no, I do not know, my child. I told you that the argument with him and his banker is still pending..." Tony didn't seem to have paid any attention to that answer. Bent over on her three silk pillows, she rested her elbows on her knees and her chin in her hands, and with her head bowed, she gazed dreamily up into the room from below. "Oh, papa," she said quietly, almost without moving her lips, "if it hadn't been better then..."

• From Buddenbrooks: The Decline of a Family (1901)

  Instead of "the pencil" he said "the lead." He also gave off an oily-spiritual odor wherever he walked and stood, and some said he drank kerosene. His best hours came when he was allowed to teach a subject other than drawing as a substitute. Then he lectured on Bismarck's politics, accompanying them with insistent, spiraling, nose-to- shoulder slurs, and spoke of social democracy with hatred and fear... "We must stick together!" arms grabbed. "Social Democracy is at the door!" There was something desperately busy about him. He sat down next to one, gave off a strong smell of alcohol, slapped one in the forehead with his signet ring, uttered single words like “Perspective!” “Drop shadow!” “Lead!” “Social Democracy!” “Stick together!” Kai was writing his new literary work during this hour, and Hanno was busy performing an orchestral overture in his mind. Then it was over, you took your things down, the way through the courtyard gates was free, you went home. Hanno and Kai went the same way, and they walked together, their books under their arms, to the little red villa out in the suburbs. Then the young Count Mölln still had to walk a long way to his father's residence alone. He wasn't even wearing a paletot. The fog that had reigned that morning had turned to snow, which fell in large soft flakes and turned into dung. They parted at the Buddenbrooksche garden gate; but when Hanno was halfway across the front yard, Kai came back and put his arm around his neck. "Don't despair... And don't play!" he said softly; then his slender, unkempt form disappeared into the snow flurry. Hanno left his books in the hallway in the bowl that the bear held out in front of him and went into the living room to greet his mother. She was sitting on the chaise longue reading a book bound in yellow. As he strode across the carpet, she looked at him with her brown ones close together eyes with bluish shadows in the corners. When he stood in front of her, she took his head between her hands and kissed his forehead. He went up to his room, where Miss Clementine had prepared some breakfast for him, washed and ate. When he was done, he took a pack of those small, sharp Russian cigarettes, which he was no longer unfamiliar with, from the desk and began to smoke. Then he sat down at the harmonium and played something very difficult, severe, fugal by Bach. And finally he clasped his hands behind his head and looked out the window at the noiselessly falling snow. There was nothing else to see there. There was no longer a graceful garden with a splashing fountain beneath his window. The view was cut off by the gray side wall of the neighboring villa.

• From Heptaméron (1559)

  perfectly content to do so ; for time has had such pity on me that I have wished to return to this place to bid you, not a good day, but a last farewell. Time has shown me love just as it is, poor and naked ; and I have no sense of it except regret. But time has likewise shown me the true love, which I have known only in that solitude where for seven years I have been doomed to mourn in silence. Through time I have come to know the love that dwells on high, at sight of which the other love vanishes, and I have given myself wholly to the one, and weaned my affections from the other. To that better love I devote my heart and my body, to do suit and service to it, and not to you. When I served you, you esteemed me nothing. I now give you back entirely the love you put into my heart, having no need either of it or you. I take my leave of cruelty, pain, torment, scorn, hatred, and the burning fire with which you are filled, rio less than you are adorned with beauty. T cannot better bid farewell to all woes and pains and intolerable distresses, and to the hell of the amorous woman, than in biding farewell to you, madam, without the least prospect that wherever you or I may be, we shall ever look upon each other more." This letter was not read without tears and incredible surprise and regret. Indeed, the queen could not but feel so keenly the loss of a servant who loved her so per- fectly, that not all her treasures, nor even her crown, could hinder her from being the poorest and most misera- ble princess in the world, since she had lost that which no wealth could replace. After hearing mass, she returned to her chamber, where she gave utterance to the lamentations her cruelty had merited. There was no mountain, rock, or forest to which she did not send in quest of the hermit ; but he who had taken him out Third day.\ QUEEN OF NAVARRE. 245 of her hands, hindered him from falling into them again, and removed him to Paradise before she could discover his retreat in this world. This example shows that no one can tell what can do him harm only and no good. Still less, ladies, should you carry distrust and incredulity so far as to lose your lovers through desiring to put them to too severe a proof. " All my life long, Dagoucin," said Geburon, " I have heard the lady in question spoken of as the most virtuous woman in the world ; but now I regard her as the most cruel that ever lived."

• From Saint Thomas Aquinas Collection (22 Books) (2016)

  The third argument, which refers to the conversion of the Jews of their own free will, does not appear relevant to our subject. For the will may be confirmed in good without any violation of its liberty; otherwise neither God nor the blessed in Heaven would enjoy free will. But coercion, proceeding either from violence or fear, is repugnant to liberty. Therefore, the Canon De Judaeis expressly condemns it, saying, “The holy Synod henceforth forbids violence to be used towards anyone to make them believe.” But neither a vow nor an oath do violence to a man; they merely serve to confirm his will in good. Therefore, neither a vow nor an oath render a man unwilling, but rather cause him to will more strongly, and to begin, in so far as may lie in his power, to execute what he has bound himself to. No one in his senses will say that it is unlawful to persuade Jews to bind themselves by vow or oath to be baptized. The fourth contention of our opponents is that sometimes those who have bound themselves by oath or vow to go into religion lapse, and falling into despair, abandon themselves to all manner of iniquity; and thus they become the children of hell, twofold more than they who led them to become religious. This objection is answered by St. Paul, “Shall their unbelief make the faith of God without effect?” (Rom 3:3). From which words we are to conclude that the fact that some men abuse grace is not detrimental to the perseverance of others in good. The Gloss says on this passage that the refusal of certain Jews to believe in no wise hinders others of their nation from accepting what God has promised to His faithful. In the same way, the fact that certain men, after taking a vow or an oath to embrace the religious life, change their minds and become worse than they were before, is no hindrance to others who, having taken a vow, persevere in its accomplishment. Therefore, they who persuade men to make a vow to become religious do not, so far as they are concerned, make them children of hell, but rather children of the Kingdom; since the number of those who persevere is greater than that of those who fall away.

• From Blue Like Jazz (2003)

  My pastor, who is one of my best friends, experienced similar emotions early in his faith. Rick became a Christian when he was nineteen. Before he became a Christian he played football at Chico State, which, at the time, was the number one party school in the nation. And Rick did his share of partying. After months of drunken binges, though, he began to wonder whether there was anything more fulfilling in life than alcohol and sex. He began to long for God. So the next Sunday morning he made a point of being sober, and in fact walked to a local church to attend services. This was Rick’s first time to step foot inside a church, and that morning the pastor happened to talk about sin, and how we are all sinners, and he talked about Jesus, and how Jesus died so that God could forgive us of our sin. At the end of the service, Rick prayed and became a Christian. After a few weeks the pastors from Rick’s new church came to visit, each in their suit and tie, and Rick entertained them and made them coffee, all of them sitting around sipping their coffee and talking nicely while the smell of marijuana lofted above their heads. Rick’s friend was smoking pot in the next room. Rick laughs when he tells me he offered the pastors a hit, not being too offended when they turned him down. The pastors talked to Rick about his conversion, explaining that he had been forgiven of his sins, and that it was important to try to live a righteous life. And Rick agreed with them, noting how much easier it would be to listen to the sermon on Sunday morning if he didn’t have a hangover. So Rick began to choose purity over sin, and for a while he did well, but soon he found that he wanted to party with his friends, or he wanted to have sex with his girlfriend, and from time to time he would fail at his moral efforts. Rick tells me that those were the most depressing moments of his life, because he felt that he was failing the God who had saved him. My pastor was anguished by an inability to control his desires. He felt that he had been given this new life, this key to heaven, and yet couldn’t obey Jesus in return. So one evening he got on his knees and told God he was sorry. He told God how much he wished he could be good and obedient. He then sat on the edge of his bed and swallowed enough muscle relaxants and sleeping pills to kill three people. He lay down in a fetal position and waited to die.

• From Heptaméron (1559)

  compelled to keep his bed, but would never let his mis- tress know of it for fear of distressing her. So entirely did he give himself up to despair, that he neither ate, drank, slept, nor rested ; and became so lean and wan that he was no longer to be recognised. Some one made his state known to the mother of the demoiselle, who was very kind-hearted, and had besides so much esteem for the gentleman, that if the relations had been of the same mind as herself and her daughter, the personal merit of the invalid would have been preferred to the alleged wealth of the other suitor : but the paternal re- lations would not hear of it. However, she went with her daughter to see the poor gentleman, whom she found more dead than alive. As he knew that his end was near, he had confessed and communicated, and never ex- pected to see any more visitors ; but on beholding again her who was his life and his resurrection, his strength returned so that he at once sat up in the bed, and said, " What brings you hither, madam } How come you to visit a man who has already one foot in the grave, and of whose death you are the cause .-* " " What ! " exclaimed the lady. " Is it possible we should cause the death of one we love so much "*. Tell me, I entreat, why you speak in this manner .-* " " Madam, I concealed my love for your daughter as long as I could ; my relations, however, who have asked her of you in marriage, have gone further than I wished, since I have thereby had the misfortune to lose hope. I say misfortune, not with reference to my individual satisfaction, but because I know that no one will ever treat her so well or love her so much as I would have done. Her loss of the best and most faithful friend and servant she has in the world touches me more sensibly than the loss of my life, which I wish to preserve for her 64 THE HEPTAMERON OF THE \Xm;-I i). alone. Nevertheless, since henceforth it can be of no use to her, I gain much in losing it." The mother and daughter tried to comfort him. " Cheer up, my friend," said the mother, " I promise you that, if God restores you to health, my daughter shall never have any other husband than you. She is present, and I command her to make you the same promise."

• From Go Tell It on the Mountain (1953)

  She tried to hold him, but for a long while he would not be held. His body was like iron; she could find no softness in it. She sat curled like a frightened child on the edge of the bed, her hand on his back, waiting for the storm to pass over. It was then that she decided not to tell him yet about the child. By and by he called her name. And then he turned, and she held him against her breast, while he sighed and shook. He fell asleep at last, clinging to her as though he were going down into the water for the last time. And it was the last time. That night he cut his wrists with his razor and he was found in the morning by his landlady, his eyes staring upward with no light, dead among the scarlet sheets. And now they were singing: ‘Somebody needs you, Lord, Come by here. ’ At her back, above her, she heard Gabriel’s voice. He had risen and was helping the others to pray through. She wondered if John were still on his knees, or had risen, with a child’s impatience, and was staring around the church. There was a stiffness in him that would be hard to break, but that, nevertheless, would one day surely be broken. As hers had been, and Richard’s—there was no escape for anyone. God was everywhere, terrible, the living God; and so high, the song said, you couldn’t get over Him; so low you couldn’t get under Him; so wide you couldn’t get around Him; but must come in at the door. And she, she knew to-day that door: a living, wrathful gate. She knew through what fires the soul must crawl, and with what weeping one passed over. Men spoke of how the heart broke up, but never spoke of how the soul hung speechless in the pause, the void, the terror between the living and the dead; how, all garments rent and cast aside, the naked soul passed over the very mouth of Hell. Once there, there was no turning back; once there, the soul remembered, though the heart sometimes forgot. For the world called to the heart, which s ammered to reply; life, and love, and revelry, and, most falsely, hope, called the forgetful, the human heart. Only the soul, obsessed with the journey it had made, and had still to make, pursued its mysterious and dreadful end; and carried, heavy with weeping and bitterness, the heart along. And, therefore, there was war in Heaven, and weeping before the throne: the heart chained to the soul, and the soul imprisoned within the flesh—a weeping, a confusion, and a weight unendurable filled all the earth. Only the love of God could establish order in this chaos; to Him the soul must turn to be delivered. But what a turning!

• From Four Days to Glory: Wrestling with the Soul of the American Heartland (2005)

  He loses to a wrestler who, everyone can agree, deserves his place in the tournament. The same cannot be said for Shannon Hocken, the senior from the family with deep roots in Walker and North-Linn High School. Shannon’s consolation match at 171 pounds, against Matt Stiefel from East Buchanan, is a brutal struggle to stay alive. The boys trade reversals in the second period, neither able to contain the other. Shannon knows what he wants to do, but he can’t seem to stay on course. He’s erratic on the mat, showing flashes of strength and speed but then, just as quickly, losing his concentration and allowing Stiefel to take the upper hand. Shannon takes a 6–4 lead into the third period, but Matt scores an escape to make it 6–5, and then he seizes the lead with a 2-point takedown. Now trailing 7–6, Shannon needs an escape of his own to tie the score and force overtime—and, for that matter, he could win right here, on the spot, with a late 2-point reversal. But with the clock counting down on the period, Shannon appears to yield to the moment. He gets stuck on bottom, pressed against the mat, and cannot seem find a way back up. “Get active, Shannon!” Bridgewater screams from the corner. Up in the stands, the North-Linn parents become increasingly animated, their voices rising and rising. But at some point, they seem to sense that Shannon just isn’t going to fight his way out. Slowly, their cheers begin to recede. It’s a weird shift of emotion, and as the final half-minute ticks away on his wrestling career, Shannon appears almost incapable of movement altogether. The seconds crawl by, and then it’s over. It takes a moment after he shakes the hand of the winner for the reality of this exchange to settle in on Shannon, but when it does, it comes in a fury. Sitting propped against one of the metal exit doors, slumped in his defeat, Shannon suddenly raises his right arm above his head and slams his hand, knuckles-first, against the door, a pounding that resonates even inside the packed gym. A few seconds later, another slam. And then again, as the frustration begins pouring out of him, as the truth about his situation sinks in. He was maybe one great burst of effort away from keeping his career going. He didn’t have it. Now it’s too late. As Shannon begins to crank up, pounding his hand again and again into the metal door, I am reminded of that conversation with the mother at the little kids’ tournament at North-Linn, who had watched a boy put his hand through the glass after losing and thus ruin his own season. Now Shannon has no season left to wreck, and so he’s basically just taking it out on himself.