Anxiety

Passages

Every passage tagged with this emotion in the Vela corpus. Search the body text, narrow by source or register, click through to a book’s profile to see how the passage sits with the rest of the work.

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• From The City of God

  434 Books That Matter: The City of God We are saved not because of what we do, but, importantly, despite ourselves. We must be always prepared, always be on our toes, for the Messiah. So Augustine resists all temptations toward literal apocalypticism, and loosens the semiotic umbilical cord, if you will, between the present moment and the eschatological end of all things without cutting it, and this all gives history, and its scriptural script, a significant amount of flexibility and ambiguity. But the ambiguity about the details of that event does not lead him to be uncertain about the fact of the event. He offers, we may say, epistemic ambiguity without eschatological uncertainty. In these two ways, Augustine spiritualizes the eschaton; indeed, he’s generally recognized as the first person to do this. The fact that time will one day end should shape our lives, not as an apocalyptic storm front, but rather as a foreboding or anticipation of the way we will ultimately have to come to see the meaning and value of our lives. We cannot hasten the Messiah’s return, but we can think and feel and live even now, in our minds and in our hearts, as if this were the day of judgment. That is what spiritualizing the apocalypse means. And while the eschaton is supposed to provide the determinate meaning of our lives’ histories, it bears a mark of genuine novelty— the new heavens and new earth of which he speaks. And this raises questions about the character of what continuity there will be between now and then. Again, history, as we experience it today, does not bear within itself its own solutions. History is, itself, contingent—its coherence as a unitary history comes not from the slow assemblage of its imminent components into some final determinate shape; rather, its coherence comes from outside itself—from God, as it were. We have to recognize that the apocalypse is coming, but it is always also already and not yet, and in that way it is already here. The indeterminacy of our situation is that, for Augustine, we are caught in the flux of time, and also that we are already groaning with the birth-pangs of redemption. Referring to the New Jerusalem, the city has been coming down, Augustine says that “This city has been

• From Go Tell It on the Mountain (1953)

  It was not an easy thing, said Father James, to be the pastor of a flock. It might look easy to just sit up there in the pulpit night after night, year in, year out, but let them remember the awful responsibility placed on his shoulders by almighty God—let them remember that God would ask an accounting of him one day for every soul in his flock. Let them remember this when they thought he was hard, let them remember that the Word was hard, that the way of holiness was a hard way. There was no room in God’s army for the coward heart, no crown awaiting him who put mother, or father, sister, or brother, sweetheart, or friend above God’s will. Let the church cry amen to this! And they cried: ‘Amen! Amen!’ The Lord had led him, said Father James, looking down on the boy and girl before him, to give them a public warning before it was too late. For he knew them to be sincere young people, dedicated to the service of the Lord—it was only that, since they were young, they did not know the pitfalls Satan laid for the unwary. He knew that sin was not in their minds—not yet; yet sin was in the flesh; and should they continue with their walking out alone together, their secrets and laughter, and touching of hands, they would surely sin a sin beyond all forgiveness. And John wondered what Elisha was thinking—Elisha, who was tall and handsome, who played basket-ball, and who had been saved at the age of eleven in the improbable fields down south. Had he sinned? Had he been tempted? And the girl beside him, whose white robes now seemed the merest, thinnest covering for the nakedness of breasts and insistent thighs—what was her face like when she was alone with Elisha, with no singing, when they were not surrounded by the saints? He was afraid to think of it, yet he could think of nothing else; and the fever of which they stood accused began also to rage in him. After this Sunday Elisha and Ella Mae no longer met each other each day after school, no longer spent Saturday afternoons wandering through Central Park, or lying on the beach. All that was over for them. If they came together again it would be in wedlock. They would have children and raise them in the church. This was what was meant by a holy life, this was what the way of the cross demanded.

• From Go Tell It on the Mountain (1953)

  The scene faded out and she was gone; and though the movie went on, allowing the student to marry another girl, darker, and very sweet, but by no means so arresting, John thought of this woman and her dreadful end. Again, had the thought not been blasphemous, he would have thought that it was the Lord who had led him into this theatre to show him an example of the wages of sin. The movie ended and people stirred around him; the newsreel came on, and while girls in bathing suits paraded before him and boxers growled and fought, and baseball players ran home safe and presidents and kings of countries that were only names to him moved briefly across the flickering square of light, John thought of Hell, of his soul’s redemption, and struggled to find a compromise between the way that led to life everlasting and the way that ended in the pit. But there was none, for he had been raised in the truth. He could not claim, as African savages might be able to claim, that no one had brought him the gospel. His father and mother and all the saints had taught him from his earliest childhood what was the will of God. Either he arose from this theatre, never to return, putting behind him the world and its pleasures, its honours, and its glories, or he remained here with the wicked and partook of their certain punishment. Yes, it was a narrow way—and John stirred in his seat, not daring to feel it God’s injustice that he must make so cruel a choice. As John approached his home again in the late afternoon, he saw little Sarah, her coat unbuttoned, come flying out of the house and run the length of the street away from him into the far drug-store. Instantly, he was frightened; he stopped a moment, staring blankly down the street, wondering what could justify such hysterical haste. It was true that Sarah was full of self-importance, and made any errand she ran seem a matter of life or death; nevertheless, she had been sent on an errand, and with such speed that her mother had not had time to make her button up her coat. Then he felt weary; if something had really happened it would be very unpleasant upstairs now, and he did not want to face it. But perhaps it was simply that his mother had a headache and had sent Sarah to the store for some aspirin. But if this were true, it meant that he would have to prepare supper, and take care of the children, and be naked under his father’s eyes all the evening long. And he began to walk more slowly. There were some boys standing on the verandah.

• From A Greek-English Lexicon (Liddell-Scott) (1957)

  πορφύρω [0], poet. Verb, only used in pres. and impf., properly of the sea, ws ὅτε πορφύρῃ πέλαγος μέγα κύματι κωφῷ as when the huge sea grows dark, gleams darkly with dumb swell (i.e. with waves that do not break), il. 14.16; so also Arat. 158, 290, Ap. Rh. 1. 935; (of flame, Id. 4. 668).—Arist. Color. 2, 4, explains it of the reflected gleam on the shadow side of a wave: Cic. ap. Non. says, τρια cum est pulsa remis . purpurascit : cf. πορφύρεος, and ν. Mure Hist. Gr. Liter. 2. 32 sq. 2. metaph., πολλὰ δέ οἱ κραδίη πόρφυρε much was his heart troubled, 1]. 21. 551, Od. 4. 427, 572., 10. 309 (so καλχαίνω in Soph. Ant. 20) ; though others take it trans., his heart debated, brooded on many things, and so it is used by Q. Sm. 2. 85, Epigr. ap. Suid. in v.; so also in Ap. Rh. ἕο ponder, consider much, 3. 450, 1161. II. after Hom., when the purple-fish (πορφύρα) and its dye became known, πορφύρω and πορφύρεος (4. ν.) were taken to denote positive colour, to grow purple or red, οἴνῳ πορφύροις Theocr. 5.125; τόσον ἄνθος χιονέαις πόρφυρε παρηΐσι Bion 15. 19; αἰδοῖ π. παρήϊον Q. Sm. 14. 47; cf. Anth. P. 9 249, Opp. C. 3. 347, Luc. Amor. 26, etc.:—and in Med., εὔδια μὲν πόντος πορφύρεται Anth. P. το. 14, cf. Himer. pp. 862, 886, etc. 2. trans. to dye purple, χεῖρας φόνῳ Nonn. D. 44. 106; and in Pass., [οἴνῳ] πορφύρετο πέτρη 45. 308, etc. (The o/®YP is perh. connected with old Skt. bhur (micare, agitari), Lat. ferv-ere :—noppvpa must be derived from the Verb, and not the Verb from πορφύρα, for the latter word is of much later date: note also the difference of quantity.) πορφῦρώδη, ες, --πορφυροειδής, E.M. 487. 4. πορφῦρώματα, τά, the flesh of the swine sacrificed to Demeter and Persephoné, Hesych.

• From Go Tell It on the Mountain (1953)

  But you believe me, boy, you can’t find no greater joy than you find in the service of the Lord.’ John said nothing. He touched a black key on the piano and it made a dull sound, like a distant drum. ‘You got to remember,’ Elisha said, turning now to look at him, ‘that you think about it with a carnal mind. You still got Adam’s mind, boy, and you keep thinking about your friends, you want to do what they do, and you want to go to the movies, and I bet you think about girls, don’t you, Johnny? Sure you do,’ he said, half smiling, finding his answer in John’s face, ‘and you don’t want to give up all that. But when the Lord saves you He bums out all that old Adam, He gives you a new mind and a new heart, and then you don’t find no pleasure in the world, you get all your joy in walking and talking with Jesus every day.’ He stared in a dull paralysis of terror at the body of Elisha. He saw him standing—had Elisha forgotten?—beside Ella Mae before the altar while Father James rebuked him for the evil that lived in the flesh. He looked into Elisha’s face, full of questions he would never ask. And Elisha’s face told him nothing. ‘People say it’s hard,’ said Elisha, bending again to his mop, ‘but, let me tell you, it ain’t as hard as living in this wicked world and all the sadness of the world where there ain’t no pleasure nohow, and then dying and going to Hell. Ain’t nothing as hard as that.’ And he looked back at John. ‘You see how the Devil tricks people into losing their souls?’ ‘Yes,’ said John at last, sounding almost angry, unable to bear his thoughts, unable to bear the silence in which Elisha looked at him. Elisha grinned. ‘They got girls in the school I go to’—he was finished with one side of the church and he motioned to John to replace the chairs—‘and they nice girls, but their minds ain’t on the Lord, and I try to tell them the time to repent ain’t to-morrow, it’s to-day. They think ain’t no sense to worrying now, they can sneak into Heaven on their deathbed. But I tell them, honey, ain’t everybody lies down to die—people going all the time, just like that, to-day you see them and to-morrow you don’t. Boy, they don’t know what to make of old Elisha because he don’t go to movies, and he don’t dance, and he don’t play cards, and he don’t go with them behind the stairs.’

• From The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: A 25-Year Landmark Study (2000)

  As Racer walked out the door, I thought to myself that this was certainly a mixed review of joint custody by the young expert I had consulted. He complained of fatigue, which is unusual among children his age. Could Racer be describing the strain he’s under as fatigue? Was he having trouble sleeping? He was very open in describing the trip between his two homes as “a long, long, long bus ride” and how hard he found it to maintain playmates and playdates because of his constant comings and goings. He’s an outsider in both communities. How many children can comfortably maintain two sets of friends going back and forth? Racer was worried about being allowed to pitch if his coach was not assured of his attendance. Obviously coaches want a winning team and players they can count on. The same is true of school play directors or Cub Scout leaders. Racer is appropriately worried about losing out in important events because of his spotty attendance. He also told me poignantly that he misses his mom when he’s at Dad’s house and misses his dad at bedtime in his mom’s house. I hear this sad complaint from almost every young child in joint custody. At the same time, many children adjust to their new circumstances reasonably well and are firmly attached to both parents. Their self-esteem is good and their anxiety is not out of control. But is Racer trying to tell us something we don’t want to hear? He doesn’t seem so happy about the joint custody script and the transitions he’s required to make. He doesn’t describe a happy, protected childhood. He has serious complaints. But he provides a very good picture of a competent little boy—the kind we call resilient—who understands the high price of keeping up with two parents after divorce. He’s doing his best. He’s managing. Racer is a poster child for a lot of children in joint custody who keep wishing for one home but keep going between the two because that doesn’t rock the boat.

• From History of the Christian Church: The Complete Set of Eight Volumes (1858)

  The Recess of the Diet was finally published Nov. 19; but its execution threatened to bring on civil war, and to give victory to the Turks. The Emperor shrank from such consequences and was seriously embarrassed. Only two of the secular princes, Elector Joachim of Brandenburg and Duke George of Saxony, were ready to assist him in severe measures. The Duke of Bavaria was dissatisfied with the Emperor’s efforts to have, his brother Ferdinand elected Roman king. The archbishops of Mayence and Cologne, and the bishop of Augsburg, half sympathized with the Protestants.967 But the Emperor had promised the Pope to use all his power for the suppression of heresy, and was bound to execute as best he could the edict of the Diet after the expiration of the term of grace, April 15, 1531. The Lutheran princes therefore formed in December, 1530, at Smalcald, a defensive alliance under the name of the Smalcaldian League. The immediate object was to protect themselves against the lawsuits of the imperial chamber of justice for the recovery of church property and the restoration of the episcopal jurisdiction. Opinions were divided on the question whether the allies in case of necessity should take up arms against the Emperor; the theologians were opposed to it, but the lawyers triumphed over the theological scruples, and the Elector of Saxony pledged the members for defensive measures against any and every aggressor, even the Emperor. At a new convent at Smalcald in March, 1531, the League was concluded in due form for six years. It embraced Electoral Saxony, Hesse, Lüneburg, Anhalt, Mansfeld, and eleven cities. Out of this League ultimately arose the Smalcaldian war, which ended so disastrously for the Protestant princes, especially the Elector of Saxony and the Landgrave of Hesse (1547). But for the present, war was prevented by the peace at Nürnberg, 1532. A renewed invasion of Sultan Suleiman with an army of three hundred thousand, in April, 1532, made conciliation a political and patriotic duty. The Emperor convened a Diet at Regensburg, April 17, which was transferred to Nürnberg; and there, on July 23, 1532, a temporary truce was concluded, and vigorous measures taken against the Turks, who were defeated by land and sea, and forced to retreat. The victorious Emperor went to Italy, and urged the Pope to convene the council; but the Pope was not yet ready, and found excuses for indefinite postponement.968 John the Constant died in the same year, of a stroke of apoplexy (Aug. 16, 1532), and was followed by his son John Frederick the Magnanimous, who in the Smalcaldian war lost his electoral dignity, but saved his evangelical faith. § 119. The Augsburg Confession.

• From The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: A 25-Year Landmark Study (2000)

  As I expressed my admiration for the beautiful flowers, Karen smiled, “This is the one thing I was glad to inherit from my mother. She gave me my green thumb.” A little later, after putting Maya down for a nap, she said, “You know, I hope, in fact I pray every day, that this is the only way I’m like my mother. All the years that I was growing up, I said to myself, ‘I don’t want to look like my mother, I don’t want to think like my mother, I don’t want to be angry like my mother.’” She smiled. “I guess you could say that goes double for my father. He was always finding some woman to take care of him.” “Sounds like you’ve been thinking a lot about your parents.” “It’s funny, Judy. I didn’t expect this, but my getting married makes me think about them all the time. It didn’t begin so much on my wedding day but almost immediately after, even on our honeymoon, it was like parts of them came floating around in the back of my head.” “What were you thinking?” “Well, it worries me that when they got married, they loved each other. They were both reasonably suited to each other. And then, for reasons I’ll never understand, the marriage went down the tubes.” Karen’s face showed pure frustration. “I never did understand why they divorced. It never occurred to them to discuss what happened with any of us. Sometimes I think they were just howling at the moon. The whole thing made no sense whatsoever. I’m thirty-eight years old and it’s still incomprehensible to me. Who was the divorce for? I have friends whose parents divorced and none of us understands why. Everyone shrugs and says, ‘Well, guess they never should have gotten married in the first place.’” Karen’s voice took on a tinge of anger. “But that’s a cop-out. Fact is, they did get married and they probably were in love at the time and then things just changed.” She shrugged. Karen’s reaction to her parents’ failure to explain the divorce is understandable. If her parents were in love, well suited to each other, and their marriage failed, what’s to keep Karen from following in their footsteps? She can’t help but feel anxious. The problem is that children of divorce grow up not having learned anything from their parents’ experience that might be useful to them in their own marriages—except that marriage is a slippery slope and people fall off it. Without any guidance and family history, their own marriages begin without an internal compass for telling them which way to turn when difficulties arise. They lack the template I described earlier of how a man and woman live together and solve their differences.

• From Go Tell It on the Mountain (1953)

  The darkness and silence of the church pressed on him, cold as judgment, and the voices crying from the window might have been crying from another world. John moved forward, hearing his feet crack against the sagging wood, to where the golden cross on the red field of the altar cloth glowed like smothered fire, and switched on one weak light. In the air of the church hung, perpetually, the odour of dust and sweat; for, like the carpet in his mother’s living-room, the dust of this church was invincible; and when the saints were praying or rejoicing, their bodies gave off an acrid, steamy smell, a marriage of the odours of dripping bodies and soaking, starched white linen. It was a store-front church and had stood, for John’s lifetime, on the corner of this sinful avenue, facing the hospital to which criminal wounded and dying were carried almost every night. The saints, arriving, had rented this abandoned store and taken out the fixtures; had painted the walls and built a pulpit, moved in a piano and camp chairs, and bought the biggest Bible they could find. They put white curtains in the show window, and painted across this window T EMPLE OF THE F IRE B APTIZED . Then they were ready to do the Lord’s work. And the Lord, as He had promised to the two or three first gathered together, sent others; and these brought others and created a church. From this parent branch, if the Lord blessed, other branches might grow and a mighty work he begun throughout the city and throughout the land. In the history of the Temple the Lord had raised up evangelists and teachers and prophets, and called them out into the field to do His work; to go up and down the land carrying the gospel, or to raise other temples—in Philadelphia, Georgia, Boston, or Brooklyn. Wherever the Lord led, they followed. Every now and again one of them came home to testify of the wonders the Lord had worked through him, or her. And sometimes on a special Sunday they all visited one of the nearest churches of the Brotherhood. There had been a time, before John was born, when his father had also been in the field; but now, having to earn for his family their daily bread, it was seldom that he was able to travel further away than Philadelphia, and then only for a very short time. His father no longer, as he had once done, led great revival meetings, his name printed large on placards that advertised the coming of a man of God. His father had once had a mighty reputation; but all this, it seemed, had changed since he had left the South.

• From The Sexual Outlaw (1977)

  Suddenly Jim realizes that the strange night creature is advancing toward his car with the cane flailing fiercely. Jim puts his car in reverse, U-turns, and drives away. 4:15 A.M. The Garage on Oak Street The Tunnels. The Garage. Greenstone Park. Montana Street. Hanson Avenue. The Garage. There are several cars parked near the abandoned garage. Jim's headlights illuminate one of the stirring figures behind it. Not that. Not now. Jim drives to the tunnels. A few men—leaving the after-hours bar nearby—are walking into the deserted street. Jim waits for long minutes in his car for the drifting attention to settle. Now he walks past the dark-yellow maw of one of the tunnels. He hears someone whisper to him, a hissing sound. He moves away. He returns to his car, drives back to Greenstone Park. Shadows linger along the trail. He doesn't want to join them. He drives out of the park, circles the block. No one. He returns to the area of the garage on Oak Street. He gets out. A goodlooking man stops his car a few feet away. As Jim approaches, the man opens the car door. Jim gets in. He looks at his watch—then at the driver of the car. Yes. Jim says hurriedly: “I'm on my way home, I live just a few minutes away.” Again he looks at his watch. “You want some company?” “Sure.” The tension releases Jim's body. “My car's across the street.” “I'll follow you,” the man says. Jim breathes easily. And so the night will end softly. Jim is opening the door to go to his car when the man says: “Can you get into heavy stuff?” “Like what?” The man's voice quavers. “Real heavy. You can get as rough as you like. You can— …” Jim gets out of the car. “Sorry,” he says, “I'm not into that.” For the first time ever, he notices the sound a car door makes as it closes. He looks at the sky. The darkness barely lingers. He drives back to the garage. Even the stirring figures behind it are gone. Two cars are driving away. Another. Now another. Jim gets out. The street is deserted. He stands before the garage. A vague arc of light is illuminating the horizon. Now dawn lifts the night's shadows. All the hunters are gone, the streets are empty. He's alone. The dawning light increases. Sounds of traffic grow on the main boulevard two blocks away. The sun wipes away the dawn. Palmtree leaves lie yellow on the sidewalk. In the neighborhood across the street a door opens. A car starts. Voices. Jim sees a truck stop along the block. An old man gets out. He gathers the fallen palmtree leaves and puts them in his truck. Daylight bathes the garage behind Jim. Beyond, the roar of morning traffic increases. The sun is fully out.

• From The City of God

  Chapter 15. --Whether We are to Believe that God, as He Has Always Been Sovereign Lord, Has Always Had Creatures Over Whom He Exercised His Sovereignty; And in What Sense We Can Say that the Creature Has Always Been, and Yet Cannot Say It is Co-Eternal. For my own part, indeed, as I dare not say that there ever was a time when the Lord God was not Lord, [548] so I ought not to doubt that man had no existence before time, and was first created in time. But when I consider what God could be the Lord of, if there was not always some creature, I shrink from making any assertion, remembering my own insignificance, and that it is written, "What man is he that can know the counsel of God? or who can think what the will of the Lord is? For the thoughts of mortal men are timid, and our devices are but uncertain. For the corruptible body presseth down the soul, and the earthly tabernacle weigheth down the mind that museth upon many things. " [549]Many things certainly do I muse upon in this earthly tabernacle, because the one thing which is true among the many, or beyond the many, I cannot find. If, then, among these many thoughts, I say that there have always been creatures for Him to be Lord of, who is always and ever has been Lord, but that these creatures have not always been the same, but succeeded one another (for we would not seem to say that any is co-eternal with the Creator, an assertion condemned equally by faith and sound reason), I must take care lest I fall into the absurd and ignorant error of maintaining that by these successions and changes mortal creatures have always existed, whereas the immortal creatures had not begun to exist until the date of our own world, when the angels were created; if at least the angels are intended by that light which was first made, or, rather, by that heaven of which it is said, "In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. " [550] The angels, at least did not exist before they were created; for if we say that they have always existed, we shall seem to make them co-eternal with the Creator. Again, if I say that the angels were not created in time, but existed before all times, as those over whom God, who has ever been Sovereign, exercised His sovereignty, then I shall be asked whether, if they were created before all time, they, being creatures, could possibly always exist. It may perhaps be replied, Why not always, since that which is in all time may very properly be said to be "always? "Now so true is it that these angels have existed in all time that even before time was they were created; if at least time began with the heavens, and the angels existed before the heavens. And if time was even before the heavenly bodies, not indeed marked by hours, days, months, and years,--for these measures of time's periods which are commonly and properly called times, did manifestly begin with the motion of the heavenly bodies, and so God said, when He appointed them, "Let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and for years," [551] --if, I say, time was before these heavenly bodies by some changing movement, whose parts succeeded one another and could not exist simultaneously, and if there was some such movement among the angels which necessitated the existence of time, and that they from their very creation should be subject to these temporal changes, then they have existed in all time, for time came into being along with them. And who will say that what was in all time, was not always?

• From Cults Inside Out: How People Get In and Can Get Out (2014)

  There is research regarding “exit cost analysis,” which sociologist Benjamin Zablocki defines as “the systematic study of all disincentives for leaving voluntary collectives.” Zablocki explains, “There are many types of exit costs ranging from financial penalties, to relational commitments, to various sorts of cognitive and emotional dependencies.” The sociologist concludes that these costs create “the paradox of feeling trapped in what is nominally a voluntary association.”724 For example, if a member of Scientology is declared a suppressive person (SP), other Scientologists are reportedly likely to cut him or her off socially and cease meaningful contact.725 If a Scientologist considers leaving the organization, this being cut off becomes a disincentive or exit cost that inhibits leaving. If employment or business ties could be severed, there may be a financial penalty connected to leaving the group. There are mental health professionals who have experience helping former cult members. Some former cult members seek counseling from knowledgeable professionals, but many do not. Allowing former members the space to make their own decisions is important. Resuming individual decision making and becoming self-reliant are often crucial parts of the recovery process after leaving a controlling cult group. Be helpful but not controlling. Respect the former cult member’s freedom of choice. Each individual will sort through the recovery process at his or her own pace. If a former cult member seems to be in distress, those concerned might suggest seeking help from a professional. When picking a counselor for assistance, it is best to find someone who is warm and willing to learn. There are few professional counselors who have specific experience providing recovery assistance to former cult members. Beware of experts who cannot or will not explain in meaningful detail how they acquired their expertise. Ask for references before deciding on any counseling relationship. Don’t be critical of the former cult member’s spirituality, idealism, or claimed awareness. The stated goals and ideals of the group may have been laudable despite any destructive behavior that may be evident. Don’t try to convince a former cult member of what beliefs are best. Respect the person’s process of recovery and personal discovery. The person will need to make his or her own choices in his or her own time and may require a period of rest before again exploring politics, philosophy, religion, or participating in some sort of support group. CHAPTER 9 PREPARATION FOR AN INTERVENTION Initial Information After a family, spouse, or someone else who is concerned decides to do an organized and coordinated intervention effort, the first step in the general preparation process is to define the history of the situation. This can be done by disclosing the relevant background and history in detail through a written narrative. This step entails sharing thoughtful and helpful biographical information, which effectively illustrates whatever concerns exist about the specific situation. In my work I have used a questionnaire with about fifty background questions.

• From The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: A 25-Year Landmark Study (2000)

  According to my records, he was now thirty-five; he still had the same slight build but his face looked older. As he smiled and extended his hand, I saw deeply etched worry lines between his eyebrows and down both sides of his mouth. “I’ve been through hell,” he announced as he sat down. “I think that I’m finally climbing out, but I’m not sure. I think there may be trouble ahead.” My heart sank. “What trouble do you mean?” “My girlfriend Kristi has a son who is moving in with us. We’re going to get married as soon as my divorce comes through and Kristi’s divorce is final.” “And this worries you to be a stepfather?” “It sure does. Basically I’m scared and unhappy. I hope that my attitude will change. I never saw myself with kids. I never liked little kids or babies.” “You’d prefer not to have kids?” “I’m worried about money. But it’s more than money. Being a dad has very little appeal. Look at my experience. Up until the time that he died I was still hoping for a dramatic change in my dad, that somehow he would become a guy who wasn’t ashamed of me because I couldn’t run or swing a bat, who would say, ‘Go for it. Do what you can. I’m behind you.’ As a kid I had this great image of him as a powerful man who would win the Olympics and build business empires. I used to wait for him to visit me like you wait for rain. After he died, I began to think a lot about him and I realized that never once did he encourage me to make something of myself. He weaseled out of paying my college after he promised. When I was really sick and so depressed I tried to commit suicide, he told me that my problems were all in my head. So you might say being a father is not something that comes naturally to me. How can you give somebody something you never had or saw?” “So you don’t think you can be a good stepfather to Kristi’s son?” “You may think that I’m being selfish but I’m afraid that the kid will come between Kristi and me and I’m not sure I can take that. My heart is not in any great shape. I’ve had some really rough years. So did she. But bottom line is that I really need for her to be there for me. I can’t do with a handout now and then.” “And you think that you’ll get less from Kristi after her son moves in.” “Yes, I do. Maybe I’m wrong. I hope that I am. But my whole life I’ve had to divide what I got into neat parcels. After my folks divorced, I always got what was left. I don’t want that to happen to me in my marriage.”

• From House of Holes: A Book of Raunch (2011)

  “Some men’s come—young men’s come—can develop special healing powers,” Lila answered. “Did you masturbate yet today?” “I haven’t,” said Wade. “I was too busy thinking about calling you up.” “Good,” said Lila. She opened a wooden box on her desk and lifted out the top part, which held old coins and stamps. Underneath was a folded green cloth with ancient symbols on it. “This is the sacred healing cloth of Ka-Chiang,” Lila said. “I’m going to tie it loosely around your balls. If you wear it for twenty-four hours you’ll develop a crop of new sperm—very, very special sperm.” “Special how?” asked Wade. “If the cloth works as it should,” said Lila, “your new sperm will have the power to reattach human limbs or heads.” “That’s interesting,” said Wade. Gently, with her head held slightly to the side, Lila tied the green cloth around Wade’s balls. As she worked its corners into a small knot, the tugging made him smile slightly. His penis grew under the roughness of the burlap and pointed off to the side. “How does the Ka-Chiang cloth feel to you?” Lila asked. “Not bad,” he said. “Not too tight?” she said. He said no, just right. “Burlap tickles, though.” “Now,” she said, “you’re almost ready to go, but first you must, absolutely must, empty out the crop of mature sperm in your system, so that you will have a fresh, new generation formed under the powerful influence of Ka-Chiang. Crackers, could you please do a sexy lap dance to help Wade while he gives himself pleasure?” Wade made a noise. “You mean I’m supposed to wank while Crackers does a lap dance?” “If you’d like to give yourself pleasure privately in a different room you can do that instead.” “No, it’s not that. It’s just that you tied this handkerchief on my balls and now this. It’s happening rather fast is all I’m saying.” “It must happen fast,” said Lila, gesticulating. “We must clear out the old regime. The old tired ways of sperm must go. The young ones need their room to flourish.” She handed Wade a small jade cup. “Ejaculate your sweet salty hotness in that, if you like. Or in my hand. I’d love to hold your seed.” She held out her hand. Wade put the jade cup down. “Maybe I’m too shy to have you watch me,” he said. “Maybe I should go back home.” “Crackers, flash Wade your marvelous smile,” said Lila. Crackers smiled a marvelous smile. “See, you’re a prisoner now. You can’t escape. You’re going to have to come in this jade cup.” Lila’s hands went down to Wade’s knees, and then she slowly brought them up, touching only the hair on his thighs. Meanwhile, Crackers hooked her thumb under his cock and began moving it around. “Tell me about a girl you think about at night,” Lila coaxed.

• From History of the Christian Church: The Complete Set of Eight Volumes (1858)

  The Epistle is addressed to the Hebrew Christians, that is, according to the usual distinction between Hebrews and Hellenists (Acts 6:1; 9:27), to the converted Jews in Palestine, chiefly to those in Jerusalem. To them it is especially adapted. They lived in sight of the Temple, and were exposed to the persecution of the hierarchy and the temptation of apostasy. This has been the prevailing view from the time of Chrysostom to Bleek.1217 The objection that the Epistle quotes the Old Testament uniformly after the Septuagint is not conclusive, since the Septuagint was undoubtedly used in Palestine alongside with the Hebrew original. Other views more or less improbable need only be mentioned: (1) All the Christian Jews as distinct from the Gentiles;1218 (2) the Jews of Jerusalem alone;1219 (3) the Jews of Alexandria;1220 (4) the Jews of Antioch;1221 (5) the Jews of Rome;1222 (6) some community of the dispersion in the East (but not Jerusalem).1223 Occasion and Aim. The Epistle was prompted by the desire to strengthen and comfort the readers in their trials and persecutions (Heb. 10:32–39; Heb. 11 and 12), but especially to warn them against the danger of apostasy to Judaism (2:2, 3; 3:6, 14; 4:1, 14; 6:1–8; 10:23, 26–31). And this could be done best by showing the infinite superiority of Christianity, and the awful guilt of neglecting so great a salvation. Strange that but thirty years after the resurrection and the pentecostal effusion of the Spirit, there should have been such a danger of apostasy in the very mother church of Christendom. And yet not strange, if we realize the condition of things, between 60 and 70. The Christians in Jerusalem were the most conservative of all believers, and adhered as closely as possible to the traditions of their fathers. They were contented with the elementary doctrines, and needed to be pressed on "unto perfection" (5:12; 6:1–4). The Epistle of James represents their doctrinal stand-point. The strange advice which he gave to his brother Paul, on his last visit, reflects their timidity and narrowness. Although numbered by "myriads," they made no attempt in that critical moment to rescue the great apostle from the hands of the fanatical Jews; they were "all zealous for the law," and afraid of the radicalism of Paul on hearing that he was teaching the Jews of the Dispersion "to forsake Moses, telling them not to circumcise their children, neither to walk after the customs" ( Acts 21:20, 21).

• From House of Holes: A Book of Raunch (2011)

  Poplars were waving their little leaf shadows on the floor. “I imagine a sensual man,” Henriette said, “strong-jawed, financially secure, who understands my needs and is not threatened by them.” Lila snorted in disgust and flung a paper clip into a little dish. “Oh, for heaven’s sake, honey,” she said. “Can you please cut the boilerplate?” Henriette, slightly shocked, thought for a moment. “I guess the truth is I’m sort of bored and scared. I don’t want to go through life alone, obviously. I want a loving partner. I want a little more out of sex. I’ve made some bad choices. When I was with my ex I almost never came, because I can’t come without my vibrator and the sound of it embarrassed me. I always felt I was doing the wrong thing around him. ” “That’s fixable,” said Lila. “That’s not the real problem. I can find a new guy.” “Of course you can.” “The real problem is I’ve used the darn vibrator so much lately that it’s made me numb! Not just numb, but I sometimes get really sharp tingling pains—not good tingles. Angry hurting tingles.” Lila picked up the phone. “Krock, could you ask Zilka to bring in the Cable of Induhash? The big spool of it, mm-hm.” She smiled at Henriette. “Go on.” “So, yeah, I think I’ve damaged the nerves. It’s just so hard to reach that delicious point now. I press and press, it’s like my clit is not getting good reception anymore. And honestly, is it worth the effort? And if it isn’t worth it, what is? Making a really nice soufflé, that’s satisfying. Volunteering at the park cleanup, that’s satisfying. But then there is the middle of the night, and my clitoris is just sitting there like a little numb pebble, and I’m full of filthy ideas, and I think, grrrrr!” Lila stood and paced. She stared out at the horizon, pon-dering. “Now Henriette,” she said finally, “you’re an attractive young woman, with lovely smooth skin, wearing a lovely short skirt.” “Thank you,” said Henriette, pleased. “It seems that you have given yourself a tiny case of sleepy clit or even—clitordynia.” “You mean my clit has died?” “No, that’s just a fancy way of saying that it hurts you sometimes.

• From House of Holes: A Book of Raunch (2011)

  Wade Learns about the Cloth of Ka-Chiang Wade’s vesicles were jumping, and he felt sunny inside. He wanted to be near a woman he didn’t know, but he felt a little shy, so he called up the House of Holes and said, “Hi, this is Wade, and I’d like to be able to be friendly with a woman.” Wade was transferred to Lila, who said, “Honey, why don’t you come on by?” Wade said, “Because I don’t know how.” “Do you have a penis, Wade?” Wade said he did. “Then grab hold of it.” Wade grabbed hold of it. Lila said, “Now make it hard and stare it down. Is it hard yet?” Wade said, “No, it shrank way down while I was making this call.” Lila said, “Well, you’re not going to get anywhere without a dependable boner.” Wade said, “I realize that. Okay, here it goes. It’s hard now.” “Good, now stare right down at the hole in it. That’ll open up time and spice for you. We’re out here in spicetime.” Wade stared at his cockhole and zoomed down into it. It was kind of an odd, juicy, self-referential experience, but at the end he emerged as himself in the waiting room outside Lila’s office. Lila’s assistant for the day, an intern named Crackers, opened the door and asked him in. Wade said hi to her. Crackers, dressed in black pipe-stem jeans, was not bad at all—in fact, she was perfect—and he wanted to fondle her or touch her shoulder but it didn’t seem the right moment. He sat down in the office chair. There at her desk was the famous Lila, a large and lovely gal of a certain age. “I’d like to be able to help you, Wade,” said Lila. “How long are you going to want to be busy here at the House of Holes?” “I’d say three, four days,” said Wade. He was tightening and loosening his thighs while Kegeling his love muscle, making his balls rearrange themselves. It all felt good in a crowded sort of way. “I figure maybe a girl will take a liking to me, and then I’ll get over my shyness and go home with her and then I’ll have a girlfriend.” “Now there’s a plan, Wade. Four days, nine thousand dollars a day,” said Lila, calculating. “That’ll be thirty-six thousand dollars for room and board.” “That’s too much. I can’t pay it.” Lila said, “Can you drive a truck? Because if you look good enough naked I can offer you a half-time paid gig here in which you drive the sludge truck.

• From The Sexual Outlaw (1977)

  In the cooling night, still shirtless, Jim walked away from a man who thought he was hustling. He's not here to hustle; he's here because he knows that very late after the night's long hunt this street is cruised by those looking for only one person. A goodlooking youngman in a sports car keeps circling the block and looking back at Jim; but the car only pauses, as if the driver is reticent to stop, afraid of the cops who just drove by, perhaps, or perhaps thinking that Jim is hustling. Impatient, Jim gets in his car and leaves this street. At Highland Avenue transvestites lean toward passing cars. Jim goes to the area of Greenstone. A few cars circle the block. As he drives into the park, he notices that the youngman who cruised him earlier on Selma is driving in too. Jim continues into the park—he doesn't stop on the concrete arc, where other cars are. He drives instead around the circle and parks below the playground. He gets out. The sports car parks near him. Jim can see the driver more clearly now. Yes, he'll go home with him. The youngman reaches out, groping Jim through the rolled-down window. “Not here,” Jim offers his vague invitation to go elsewhere. Home. “Yeah,” the other insists. “Let's do it here.” He blows Jim through the window. Pulling away after a few moments, Jim stands by his car, alone. He looks up at the skeletal playground on the sloping hill across the road. A car approaches, lights bathing Jim momentarily. The car moves on. Now another. It too drives on. The tip of the questioning terror brushes Jim. But the first car returns, stops. “You hustling?” a goodlooking man wearing a cowboy hat asks Jim. “No—there's no hustling in this park!” There's a growing note of urgency in Jim's voice. He wants to end the night. “Wanna make it at home?” “Yes,” Jim says. “I live nearby, follow me.” His tense body relaxes. “Just one thing,” the “cowboy” calls out, “you don't mind a four-way, do you? I'm with a couple of friends down the road. We'll all make it.” “No, not into that now,” Jim says. He doesn't want an orgy, not now. The man drives away. Jim walks across the road and up the hill to the playground. The skeletal merry-go-round looks dead. Back on the road, he gets into his car and leaves the park. In the area below, cars are circling the blocks. Jim is stopped at an intersection. Then he sees him: a strange, almost-hallucinatory figure in the darkness: an old, bent man—with dark sunglasses, color-tipped white cane tap-tap-tapping on the dry sidewalk. Is he really blind? If so, what is he doing outside at this hour? Tap, tap, tap, tap. The cane on the sidewalk begins to beat angrily. Tap! Tap!

• From House of Holes: A Book of Raunch (2011)

  “An alarm would go off in Lila’s office,” Daggett said. “Two headless men would come and take me away to be reversibly castrated. My testicles would live in a little mesh bag in a special lobster tank filled with a charged nutrient broth.” Rhumpa was appalled. “You mean with the lobsters in there?” “No, no, no,” he reassured. “Just a special tank.” “Oh.” “And meanwhile I’d wander around visiting museums and, you know, reading travel magazines and listening to choral music and feeling sorry for myself.” “Sounds not so bad,” Rhumpa said. “Oh, it’s bad.” He cleared his throat and stood. Rhumpa thought she saw a distinct hump in his corduroys. “So—why don’t you have your shower and I’ll get to work out here choosing and sorting. It’s not easy to lay out a selection, and I’ll need at least four minutes of complete concentration, I’m afraid.” Rhumpa went into the shower and was stepping out of her panties when he knocked. “Yes?” she fluted through the door. “Sorry, I’ll need your bra, as well, for comparison,” he called. “You can just hand it out.” So Rhumpa opened the door and swung the bra out through the crack. “Got it,” he said cheerily. While she was waiting for the shower water to adjust its temperature, she took a moment to look at herself in the mirror. Not too terrible, she thought. Admittedly her thighs were on the verge of jiggly, but her skin was smooth and almondy-brown, and her dense black bush was shiny and not unattractive. She pulled out her hair clip and looked at her face. Men liked her lips, she knew. No, she thought, it wasn’t inconceivable that she could be in a solo sex video. Rhumpa’s hearing had always been keen. As she was about to step into the shower, she heard a tiny clink from the hotel room. Noticing that she’d left the bathroom door slightly ajar, she peered through the crack, at an angle, and was surprised to see Daggett with his back to her and his pants around his ankles. He looked around at the bathroom door to be sure it was closed—it wasn’t—and as he turned she saw that he was clutching his erection in one hand and her bra in the other. He turned back and paused, evidently undergoing an inward struggle. Suddenly, with a moaning expression, he began wrapping her bra straps around his erection, which was startlingly large and curved upward slightly like some exotic purple tusk. Holding his hands motionless around her bunched and jumbled brassiere, he rocked his hips, poking and shoving the head of his cock into its waddedness. Then, doubling over, he folded one cup around the length of his cock and made several long gimbaling strokes.

• From The City of God

  In fine, virtue itself, which is not among the primary objects of nature, but succeeds to them as the result of learning, though it holds the highest place among human good things, what is its occupation save to wage perpetual war with vices,--not those that are outside of us, but within; not other men's, but our own,--a war which is waged especially by that virtue which the Greeks call sophrosune, and we temperance, [1266] and which bridles carnal lusts, and prevents them from winning the consent of the spirit to wicked deeds? For we must not fancy that there is no vice in us, when, as the apostle says, "The flesh lusteth against the spirit;" [1267] for to this vice there is a contrary virtue, when, as the same writer says, "The spirit lusteth against the flesh. ""For these two," he says, "are contrary one to the other, so that you cannot do the things which you would. "But what is it we wish to do when we seek to attain the supreme good, unless that the flesh should cease to lust against the spirit, and that there be no vice in us against which the spirit may lust? And as we cannot attain to this in the present life, however ardently we desire it, let us by God's help accomplish at least this, to preserve the soul from succumbing and yielding to the flesh that lusts against it, and to refuse our consent to the perpetration of sin. Far be it from us, then, to fancy that while we are still engaged in this intestine war, we have already found the happiness which we seek to reach by victory. And who is there so wise that he has no conflict at all to maintain against his vices?