Anxiety

Passages

Every passage tagged with this emotion in the Vela corpus. Search the body text, narrow by source or register, click through to a book’s profile to see how the passage sits with the rest of the work.

Page 410 of 501 · 20 per page

• From The Incendiaries (2018)

  This is what I do, I thought. It’s who I am. I hurt those I love. In the morning, I left a note on Julian’s table. I woke up feeling unwell, it said. I took the first train back to school. 22. WILL I half-ran through Platt courtyard, taking the diagonal path. On the frozen lawn, a small group huddled around a picnic table, cigarette tips burning. I rushed past while someone slung a girl across his back. Help, she wailed. I paused, uncertain. Put me down, you big dolt, she said, but then she let out a howl that rolled into a laugh. I kept going. I made it to the Hilcox gate with less than a minute left. I’d switched a night shift to be here. I opened my coat to let in the cold. It was several minutes past the assigned time, then six. Fifteen. Don’t be late, he’d said. White disembodied masks floated toward me, cloaks rustling. Close those eyes, Will. I was blindfolded, wrists tied behind my back. Instructed to walk, I took a few steps, hesitant. I was pushed, lifted into a tight space. I touched rough, short-piled fabric, then a metal ridge: I’d been put in a car trunk. The chilled glass of a bottle nudged my palm. Drink this. I forced down a harsh liquid, and then I was told to tuck my head in. The lid banged shut. The engine surged, then settled. Tasting bile, I held it back. I’d attended Jejah meetings a month before John Leal said I could be initiated. In all this time, I’d taken part in nothing more alarming than long-winded Bible studies. I hadn’t heard a single confession. No one dug holes, and even John Leal’s talk of hearing God sounded like orthodox delusion, the usual born-again cant. But if Jejah evinced signs of being less fanatical than I’d thought, I wasn’t relieved. I intended to be let in. If I could learn what, exactly, had attracted Phoebe, which conjuring tricks he’d used, I’d be able to prove his show wasn’t real. Watch his hand, I’d explain. That flick of a wrist. I’d practiced His illusions, as well; expert, I could pull Phoebe free. The car stopped, and then the trunk opened. I had trouble staying upright. I swayed, blind, while invisible hands impelled me forward. I felt a rush of warmth: we’d gone inside. Sounds echoed; voices, chanting. I listened to find Phoebe, but I couldn’t. Still clothed, I was led into a lukewarm pool. I was told to take a deep breath, and strong hands pushed my shoulders down. I plunged in. The blindfold slipped. I saw the light-spangled tiles, John Leal’s blue-veined feet. It was peaceful, the water like soft glass. When he let go, I almost wished he hadn’t. I knew, of course, the substance of what Phoebe longed to find.

• From The Incendiaries (2018)

  He wasn’t tall, but his shoulder muscles strained against a plain white shirt. His wrist bulged where he’d tied a red string, letting it dig in. With his hair brushed to stand upright, a high plume, I had the sense of a surfeit of energy, not quite contained, like a child’s color-book illustration escaping its lines. He turned to me. It’s Will, right? he said, quietly. He set the glasses down, then he took my hand in both of his. I’m John Leal, he said. I’m late. I apologize. I had to supervise the rib eyes. Not such a good choice while having guests, or so I’m learning. You’re the first people we’ve had eat with us in a long time. I’m so glad you’re here. We all are. Let’s go in. – In the dining room, we sat at a table set low to the ground, with more silk cushions for seats. A blond girl holding a tray came and left. I wondered what kind of people hired help for a six-top meal. She poured from a bottle of Malbec, the ruby pool looping into my glass. I didn’t touch it, though. I was already dizzied with what little I’d tried of the mulled wine. I’ll emphasize this lack of alcohol because, teetotal as I soon felt, I should be able to retrieve more of what followed. Instead, for the most part, it’s lost. I have the outline, bits of conversation. Fitful images. Wide swaths of it, though, have blurred as in old film. Is that the problem? I’ve reviewed this initial feast with them so often I’ve smudged it with my fingerprints. Pink meat bled when I cut it open, the charred bits crunching like minute bones. A torn roll steamed; butter liquefied. Oil dripped, gilding white porcelain. The waitress’s thin wrist shook as she removed a plate. I said thanks, and she flinched. Inexperience, I assumed. Teeth flashed, smiling. Of all people, I should have recognized this warmth for what it was: a bag of tricks. The fellowship, a little food. The hocus-pocus bribe of hot bread, lavish, like God: take, eat. This is my body, which is broken for you. Open curtains exposed a line of sash windows. In the depths of the glass, silhouettes, our best selves, bent and moved. I felt seen for what I wanted to be. I relaxed, and I had more food. – Citron tarts finished, we returned to the living room. In the uncertain firelight, the cushions shone lazulite-blue. Phoebe and John Leal sat off to one side, apart from the rest of us. Each time I looked at them, he was still talking. She stared down, into her lap. Her hair draped, its fall pushing forward a ribbon headband. —too loyal to this suffering, you forget that others are also in pain, he said, barely audible. I’m not, she said, glancing up at him.

• From The Incendiaries (2018)

  I had the single plea: Lord, I’m in pain. But I want to be useful. I’ll delight in God’s will, which is His grace toward me. If I act with faith, I don’t have to be afraid. DAVID FITCH SYBIL DAVIS EZRA CATLIN JOHN GIBB LOUIS WHITING MERIT WYETH GILBERT MERRILL SARAH ELLIS CHRISTOPH POULSON MATTHIAS HILCOX PHILIP STILSON MARION COIT JULES DUCLOT ISAIAH PIERSON PHINEAS ALBIG ELIPHELET BALL MABEL LANG NAOMI HOYLAND JOSIAH MEIGS IRVING PLATT ELIHU RINEHART BENJAMIN CHILTON EZRA LEVITT FRANCIS STILES WILLIAM INGERSOLL ELIJAH GIRD DANIEL HALL J. T. BRINTNAL ELIPHELET LADD JULIET FALTIX RUTH YUNDT HEZEKIAH DAVIS LEVI TALBOT MERIT LAHN JOHAN PURNELL ITHIEL TODD HAVILA FAUST T. I. HOYT FEIT NEWTON LANG HORATIO COTTELL DANIEL PLATT FRANCIS JOSEPH COIT BAVIL KING MARIAH HALL ITHIEL BUEL ISAAC ALBURTIS JOEL BOYD LYDIA GIBB MERIT TODD EDWARD HOPKINS NATHANIEL HOLLIN JOEL BARTGIS FIELDING BLAUVELT GAIL LUNT JABEZ BOYD GILBERT ETHEL KIRK TITUS MARTIN MILES KEITH OBADIAH PECHIN FAITH HOYT PRATT RICHARD WELLS PHILIP NEWHALL ETTA MYGATT LUCIUS ALBIG PHILA HOYT JOHN LYALL MILES EVANS ELIHU GILL SYBIL BUEL J. D. STILES FRANTZ BOYD LORING ALLEN GAIL FAUST PHILA FALTIX JULIET LUNT 34. WILL I stayed up through much of the night, not getting in bed until the curtain edges had lightened with morning. By noon, she still hadn’t called. The extended silence, though, left me less anxious than I’d felt, not more. Much as I might want to talk, I’d lost that right months ago. She’d been home all along, in L.A. I could imagine Phoebe lazing poolside, beneath a hat brim’s flopping petal. If her phone rattled, she ignored it. Ripe oranges plopped. I’d have a birthday soon, I realized. It was in less than a week. The last time, I’d had trouble convincing Phoebe I didn’t want a celebration: no big gathering, I said. No barhopping expedition. She thought awhile, then proposed I at least take a short trip. I asked what she had in mind. Rolling to face me, she said, What about Coney Island? Oh, so you want to go to Coney Island. You’ll love it. I drove us down to the lowest tip of Brooklyn. I was put off, at first: its kitsch, the noise. Then, I had a couple of beers. She led me to pinball and tilt-a-whirls, to a sideshow stall. We spun in teacups. Toddlers squalled; clowns tottered past on painted, salt-glazed stilts. Street acrobats flung up agile legs. Ignoring the fall chill, girls on the beach lolled in bikinis, flat bared stomachs shining like mirrors to the sun. Night fell, and Phoebe and I split blini and horseradish-infused vodka. The plucked flesh of rose petals strewed the tablecloth. She tapped out the birthday song on the inside of my thigh. In the past, I hadn’t understood what made people flag birthdays, let alone with parties—celebrating death’s advent, I thought.

• From Lady Chatterley's Lover (1928)

  The next afternoon she went to the wood again. She followed the broad riding that swerved round and up through the larches to a spring called John's Well. It was cold on this hillside, and not a flower in the darkness of larches. But the icy little spring softly pressed upwards from its tiny well-bed of pure, reddish-white pebbles. How icy and clear it was! brilliant! The new keeper had no doubt put in fresh pebbles. She heard the faint tinkle of water, as the tiny overflow trickled over and down hill. Even above the hissing boom of the larchwood, that spread its bristling, leafless, wolfish darkness on the downslope, she heard the tinkle as of tiny water-bells. This place was a little sinister, cold, damp. Yet the well must have been a drinking-place for hundreds of years. Now no more. Its tiny cleared space was lush and cold and dismal. She rose and went slowly towards home. As she went she heard a faint tapping away on the right, and stood still to listen. Was it hammering, or a woodpecker? It was surely hammering. She walked on, listening. And then she noticed a narrow track between young fir trees, a track that seemed to lead nowhere. But she felt it had been used. She turned down it adventurously, between the thick young firs, which gave way soon to the old oak-wood. She followed the track, and the hammering grew nearer, in the silence of the windy wood, for trees make a silence even in their noise of wind. She saw a secret little clearing, and a secret little hut made of rustic poles. And she had never been here before! She realised it was the quiet place where the growing pheasants were reared; the keeper in his shirtsleeves was kneeling, hammering. The dog trotted forward with a short, sharp bark, and the keeper lifted his face suddenly and saw her. He had a startled look in his eyes. He straightened himself and saluted, watching her in silence, as she came forward with weakening limbs. He resented the intrusion, he cherished his solitude as his only and last freedom in life. "I wondered what the hammering was," she said, feeling weak and breathless, and a little afraid of him, as he looked so straight at her. "Ah'm gettin' th' coops ready for th' young bods," he said, in broad vernacular. She did not know what to say, and she felt weak. "I should like to sit down a bit," she said. "Come and sit 'ere i' th' 'ut," he said, going in front of her to the hut, pushing aside some timber and stuff, and drawing out a rustic chair, made of hazel sticks. "Am Ah t' light yer a little fire?" he asked, with the curious naiveté of the dialect. "Oh, don't bother," she replied.

• From The Incendiaries (2018)

  I made it to the Hilcox gate with less than a minute left. I’d switched a night shift to be here. I opened my coat to let in the cold. It was several minutes past the assigned time, then six. Fifteen. Don’t be late, he’d said. White disembodied masks floated toward me, cloaks rustling. Close those eyes, Will. I was blindfolded, wrists tied behind my back. Instructed to walk, I took a few steps, hesitant. I was pushed, lifted into a tight space. I touched rough, short-piled fabric, then a metal ridge: I’d been put in a car trunk. The chilled glass of a bottle nudged my palm. Drink this. I forced down a harsh liquid, and then I was told to tuck my head in. The lid banged shut. The engine surged, then settled. Tasting bile, I held it back. I’d attended Jejah meetings a month before John Leal said I could be initiated. In all this time, I’d taken part in nothing more alarming than long-winded Bible studies. I hadn’t heard a single confession. No one dug holes, and even John Leal’s talk of hearing God sounded like orthodox delusion, the usual born-again cant. But if Jejah evinced signs of being less fanatical than I’d thought, I wasn’t relieved. I intended to be let in. If I could learn what, exactly, had attracted Phoebe, which conjuring tricks he’d used, I’d be able to prove his show wasn’t real. Watch his hand, I’d explain. That flick of a wrist. I’d practiced His illusions, as well; expert, I could pull Phoebe free. The car stopped, and then the trunk opened. I had trouble staying upright. I swayed, blind, while invisible hands impelled me forward. I felt a rush of warmth: we’d gone inside. Sounds echoed; voices, chanting. I listened to find Phoebe, but I couldn’t. Still clothed, I was led into a lukewarm pool. I was told to take a deep breath, and strong hands pushed my shoulders down. I plunged in. The blindfold slipped. I saw the light-spangled tiles, John Leal’s blue-veined feet. It was peaceful, the water like soft glass. When he let go, I almost wished he hadn’t. I knew, of course, the substance of what Phoebe longed to find. The loss restituted, a vital hurt made whole. But I’d been a kid when I tried to attain the same result; then, because I had to, I’d grown up. John Leal tapped my head. I surfaced, listing close to him. I caught my reflection in his pupils, but he fixed the blindfold back in place. – It didn’t seem like much of an initiation: a routine alcoholic hazing, I thought, at first. It wasn’t unlike what I’d done to join Phi Epsilon. Even the baptism had its parallel. In Gibb fountain, along with the other pledges, I’d stripped down to bright pink fishnet tights. I hula-hooped while shouting the college anthem in pig Latin. In hindsight, though, the Jejah initiation draws a dividing line.

• From The Incendiaries (2018)

  Pants rolled, we walked across the beach. The sea hissed, stinging exposed skin. It sucked the wet earth from beneath our feet. The next morning, we had Bellinis with toast, then we lolled on the sun porch, reading from old, salt-bloated magazines. Light spilled through closed eyelids, and I was turning into gold. On Sunday, I drove us back to Noxhurst through light rain, leaving when we finished lunch. Phoebe, it turned out, had a Jejah meeting at five. She put a bare foot up on the dashboard, touching it to the windshield. Small haloes of body heat materialized around each unpainted toe. She switched on the radio, singing along. I didn’t recognize the tune. She fell quiet. I turned down the music to let Phoebe doze. Hours passed, then she lifted her head. Hello, she said. I might have had too much wine at lunch. Poor Will, I left you alone. What time is it? She glanced around, blinking. So much traffic. It was fine until a minute ago, I said, as the radio clock flickered to 4:11. It should let up. But how long will it take before we get to Noxhurst? If this traffic doesn’t stop, we’re about an hour’s drive from town. Will, she said, voice high. I have to be at the meeting by five. No, that’s if the traffic doesn’t improve. There’s nothing to worry about, since it won’t happen. Phoebe strained in the seat, trying to look above the cars ahead of us. I wasn’t sure why I’d said what I had. She’d be on time, as I knew well enough. Maybe we should take local streets, she said. Why are you so upset? I’ll get you there. I can’t be late. I told you I’d get you there. In the expanding silence, Phoebe pulled up her legs. She turned aside, but I still heard the panic thrum. I cracked the window open. I drove. The traffic had slowed to a standstill. I bullied hesitating cars. I shoved into each hint of a rift. I pushed; I lunged, while Phoebe’s left foot jigged. The key to driving fast in traffic is to act as if everyone else has more to lose. I willed Phoebe to complain. I wanted the fight, but since she kept quiet, I couldn’t start arguing without also being in the wrong. Before long, traffic opened out. The wheels rushed across wet asphalt, a sound like film reel unwinding. The trip rolled back, as though it hadn’t happened. In a short while, we’d hurtled past the speed limit. Do you want to know why I have to be on time? Sure, I said, but she fell silent again, a hand lighting on my thigh, until I turned off the highway, into Noxhurst. Since school reopened, she said, Jejah had begun holding group confessions. Each person talked about his life, and hers, inviting questions, criticism. It was optional.

• From Lady Chatterley's Lover (1928)

  "I had a letter from Father this morning," she said. "He wants to know if I am aware he has accepted Sir Alexander Cooper's invitation for me for July and August, to the Villa Esmeralda in Venice." "July _and_ August?" said Clifford. "Oh, I wouldn't stay all that time. Are you sure you wouldn't come?" "I won't travel abroad," said Clifford promptly. She took her flowers to the window. "Do you mind if I go?" she said. "You know it was promised, for this summer." "For how long would you go?" "Perhaps three weeks." There was silence for a time. "Well," said Clifford slowly, and a little gloomily. "I suppose I could stand it for three weeks: if I were absolutely sure you'd want to come back." "I should want to come back," she said, with quiet simplicity, heavy with conviction. She was thinking of the other man. Clifford felt her conviction, and somehow he believed her, he believed it was for him. He felt immensely relieved, joyful at once. "In that case," he said, "I think it would be all right, don't you?" "I think so," she said. "You'd enjoy the change?" She looked up at him with strange blue eyes. "I should like to see Venice again," she said, "and to bathe from one of the shingle islands across the lagoon. But you know I loathe the Lido! And I don't fancy I shall like Sir Alexander Cooper and Lady Cooper. But if Hilda is there, and we have a gondola of our own: yes, it will be rather lovely. I _do_ wish you'd come." She said it sincerely. She would so love to make him happy, in these ways. "Ah, but think of me, though, at the Gare du Nord: at Calais quay!" "But why not? I see other men carried in litter-chairs, who have been wounded in the war. Besides, we'd motor all the way." "We should need to take two men." "Oh no! We'd manage with Field. There would always be another man there." But Clifford shook his head. "Not this year, dear! Not this year! Next year probably I'll try." She went away gloomily. Next year! What would next year bring? She herself did not really want to go to Venice: not now, now there was the other man. But she was going as a sort of discipline: and also because, if she had a child, Clifford could think she had a lover in Venice. It was already May, and in June they were supposed to start. Always these arrangements! Always one's life arranged for one! Wheels that worked one and drove one, and over which one had no real control! It was May, but cold and wet again. A cold wet May, good for corn and hay! Much the corn and hay matter nowadays! Connie had to go into Uthwaite, which was their little town, where the Chatterleys were still _the_ Chatterleys. She went alone, Field driving her.

• From Amplified Holy Bible (2015)

  The sons of Reuben, Israel’s (Jacob’s) firstborn: Hanoch and Pallu, Hezron and Carmi; these are the families of Reuben. 15 The sons of Simeon: Jemuel, Jamin, Ohad, Jachin, Zohar, and Shaul the son of a Canaanite woman; these are the families of Simeon. 16 These are the names of the sons of Levi according to their births: Gershon, Kohath, and Merari; and Levi lived a hundred and thirty-seven years. 17 The sons of Gershon: Libni and Shimei, by their families. 18 The sons of Kohath: Amram (Moses’ father), Izhar, Hebron, and Uzziel; and Kohath lived a hundred and thirty-three years. 19 The sons of Merari: Mahli and Mushi. These are the families of Levi according to their generations. 20 Amram married his father’s sister Jochebed, and she gave birth to Aaron and Moses; and Amram lived a hundred and thirty-seven years. 21 The sons of Izhar: Korah, Nepheg, and Zichri. 22 The sons of Uzziel: Mishael, Elzaphan, and Sithri. 23 Aaron married Elisheba, the daughter of Amminadab and the sister of Nahshon, and she gave birth to Nadab, Abihu, Eleazar, and Ithamar. 24 The sons of Korah: Assir, Elkanah, and Abiasaph. These are the [extended] families of the Korahites. 25 Eleazar, Aaron’s son, married one of the daughters of Putiel, and she gave birth to Phinehas. These are the heads of the fathers’ households of the Levites by their families. 26 These are [the same] Aaron and Moses to whom the LORD said, “Bring the children of Israel out of the land of Egypt by their g armies.” 27 They were the ones who spoke to Pharaoh king of Egypt about bringing the Israelites out of Egypt; these are [the same] Moses and Aaron. 28 Now it happened on the day when the LORD spoke to Moses in the land of Egypt, 29 that He said, “I am the LORD ; tell Pharaoh king of Egypt everything that I say to you.” 30 But Moses said before the LORD , “Look, I am h unskilled and inept in speech; how then will Pharaoh listen to me and pay attention to what I say?” Exodus 7 “I Will Stretch Out My Hand” 1 T HEN THE LORD said to Moses, “Now hear this: I make you as God to Pharaoh [to declare My will and purpose to him]; and your brother Aaron shall be your prophet. 2 “You shall speak all that I command you, and your brother Aaron shall tell Pharaoh to let the children of Israel go out of his land. 3 “And I will make Pharaoh’s heart hard, and multiply My signs and My wonders (miracles) in the land of Egypt. 4 “But Pharaoh will not listen to you, and I shall lay My hand on Egypt and bring out My hosts [like a defensive army, tribe by tribe], My people the children of Israel, out of the land of Egypt by great acts of judgment (the plagues).

• From Amplified Holy Bible (2015)

  22 Next the c standard of the camp of the sons of Ephraim moved out, according to their armies, with Elishama the son of Ammihud [commander] over its army, 23 and Gamaliel the son of Pedahzur was [commander] over the tribal army of the sons of Manasseh, 24 and Abidan the son of Gideoni was [commander] over the tribal army of the sons of Benjamin. 25 Then the d standard of the camp of the sons of Dan, according to their armies, which formed the rear guard for all the camps, moved out, with Ahiezer the son of Ammishaddai [commander] over its army, 26 and Pagiel the son of Ochran was [commander] over the tribal army of the sons of Asher, 27 and Ahira the son of Enan was [commander] over the tribal army of the sons of Naphtali. 28 This was the order of march of the sons of Israel by their armies as they moved out. 29 Then Moses said to Hobab the son of Reuel the Midianite, Moses’ father-in-law, “We are going to the place of which the LORD said, ‘I will give it to you.’ Come with us, and we will be good to you, for the LORD has promised good [things] concerning Israel.” 30 But Hobab [Moses’ brother-in-law] said to him, “I will not go; I will return to my own land and to my family.” 31 Then Moses said, “e Please do not leave us, for you know how we are to camp in the wilderness, and you will serve as eyes for us [as we make our trek through the desert]. 32 “So if you will go with us, it shall be that f whatever good the LORD does for us, we will do the same for you.” 33 So they set out from the mountain of the LORD (Sinai) three days’ journey; and the ark of the covenant of the LORD went in front of them during the three days’ journey to seek out a resting place for them. 34 The cloud of the LORD was over them by day when they set out from the camp. 35 Whenever the ark set out, Moses said, “Rise up, O LORD ! Let Your enemies be scattered; And let those who hate You flee before You.” [Ps 68:1 , 2 ] 36 And when the ark rested, Moses said, “Return, O LORD , To the myriad (many) thousands of Israel.” Numbers 11 The People Complain 1 N OW THE people became like those who complain and whine about their hardships, and the LORD heard it; and when the LORD heard it, His anger was kindled, and the fire of the LORD burned among them and devoured those in the outlying parts of the camp. 2 So the people cried out to Moses, and when Moses prayed to the LORD , the fire died out. 3 He named that place Taberah (the place of burning), because the fire of the LORD burned among them.

• From Amplified Holy Bible (2015)

  3 Now the king of Israel said to his servants, “Do you know that Ramoth in Gilead is ours, yet we are still doing nothing to take it from the hand of the king of Aram?” 4 And Ahab said to Jehoshaphat, “Will you go with me to battle at Ramoth-gilead?” Jehoshaphat said to the king of Israel, “I am as you are, my people as your people, my horses as your horses.” 5 But Jehoshaphat said to the king of Israel, “Please inquire first for the word of the LORD .” 6 Then the king of Israel gathered the prophets together, about four hundred men, and said to them, “Shall I go to battle against Ramoth-gilead, or should I not?” And they said, “Go up, for the LORD has handed it over to the king.” 7 But Jehoshaphat [doubted and] said, “Is there not another prophet of the LORD here whom we may ask?” 8 The king of Israel said to Jehoshaphat, “There is one more man, Micaiah the son of Imlah, by whom we may inquire of the LORD , but I hate him, because he never prophesies good news for me, but only evil.” But Jehoshaphat said, “May the king not say that [Micaiah only tells bad news].” 9 Then the king of Israel summoned an officer and said, “Bring quickly Micaiah the son of Imlah.” 10 Now the king of Israel and Jehoshaphat king of Judah were each sitting on his throne, dressed in their [royal] robes, [in an open place] at the threshing floor at the entrance of the gate of Samaria; and all the prophets were prophesying before them. 11 Then Zedekiah the son of Chenaanah made for himself horns of iron and said, “Thus says the LORD : ‘With these you will gore the Arameans (Syrians) until they are destroyed.’ ” 12 All the prophets were prophesying in the same way [to please Ahab], saying, “Go up to Ramoth-gilead and be successful, for the LORD will hand it over to the king.” Micaiah Predicts Defeat 13 Then the messenger who went to summon Micaiah said to him, “b Listen carefully, the words of the prophets are unanimously favorable to the king. Please let your words be like the word of one of them, and speak favorably.” 14 But Micaiah said, “As the LORD lives, I will speak what the LORD says to me.” 15 So when he came to the king, the king said to him, “Micaiah, shall we go against Ramoth-gilead in battle, or shall we not?” And he answered him, “Go up and be successful, for the LORD will hand it over to the king.” 16 But the king [doubted him and] said to him, “How many times must I make you swear to tell me nothing but the truth in the name of the LORD ?” 17 And he said, “I saw all Israel Scattered upon the mountains, Like sheep that have no shepherd.

• From Amplified Holy Bible (2015)

  [Is 53:3 ] 13 “But I say to you that Elijah has in fact come [already], and they d did to him whatever they wished, just as it is written [in Scripture] of him.” All Things Possible 14 When they came [back] to the [other nine] disciples, they saw a large crowd around them, and scribes questioning and arguing with them. [Matt 17:14–18 ; Luke 9:37–42 ] 15 Immediately, when the entire crowd saw Jesus, they were startled and began running up to greet Him. 16 He asked them, “What are you discussing with them?” 17 One of the crowd replied to Him, “Teacher, I brought You my son, possessed with a spirit which makes him unable to speak; 18 and whenever it seizes him [intending to do harm], it throws him down, and he foams [at the mouth], and grinds his teeth and becomes stiff. I told Your disciples to drive it out, and they could not do it.” 19 He replied, “O unbelieving (faithless) generation, how long shall I be with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring him to Me!” 20 They brought the boy to Him. When the [demonic] spirit saw Him, immediately it threw the boy into a convulsion, and falling to the ground he began rolling around and foaming at the mouth . 21 Jesus asked his father, “How long has this been happening to him?” And he answered, “Since childhood. 22 “The demon has often thrown him both into fire and into water, intending to kill him. But if You can do anything, take pity on us and help us!” 23 Jesus said to him, “[You say to Me,] ‘If You can?’ All things are possible for the one who believes and trusts [in Me]!” 24 Immediately the father of the boy cried out [with a desperate, piercing cry], saying, “I do believe; help [me overcome] my unbelief.” 25 When Jesus saw that a crowd was rapidly gathering [around them], He rebuked the unclean spirit, saying to it, “You deaf and mute spirit, I command you, come out of him and never enter him again!” 26 After screaming out and throwing him into a terrible convulsion, it came out. The boy looked so much like a corpse [so still and pale] that many [of the spectators] said, “He is dead!” 27 But Jesus took him by the hand and raised him; and he stood up. 28 When He had gone indoors, His disciples began asking Him privately, “Why were we unable to drive it out?” 29 He replied to them, “This kind [of unclean spirit] cannot come out by anything but prayer [to the Father].” Death and Resurrection Foretold 30 They went on from there and began to go through Galilee. Jesus did not want anyone to know it, 31 because He was teaching His disciples [and preparing them for the future].

• From The Incendiaries (2018)

  I knew, of course, the substance of what Phoebe longed to find. The loss restituted, a vital hurt made whole. But I’d been a kid when I tried to attain the same result; then, because I had to, I’d grown up. John Leal tapped my head. I surfaced, listing close to him. I caught my reflection in his pupils, but he fixed the blindfold back in place. – It didn’t seem like much of an initiation: a routine alcoholic hazing, I thought, at first. It wasn’t unlike what I’d done to join Phi Epsilon. Even the baptism had its parallel. In Gibb fountain, along with the other pledges, I’d stripped down to bright pink fishnet tights. I hula-hooped while shouting the college anthem in pig Latin. In hindsight, though, the Jejah initiation draws a dividing line. The meetings lengthened; activities changed. With John Leal’s urging, we whirled in circles until we fell. To spin us out of the head, he said, and into a waiting Lord. He assigned tasks to stipulated hours, psalm-based chants we had to recite. While my time with Jejah predated John Leal’s best-known penalties, I did spend a long evening in the Litton Street backyard digging a hole, then filling it back in. Since I was the newest initiate, I had the most to do. I was prideful, he said. I required breaking down. In the morning, I ran a prescribed five miles along the Hudson. I’d have liked to swim with Phoebe instead, but he kept the tasks separate. I followed his assignments, even in private. I intended, I thought, to avoid being found out. Since I was inauthentic, a fraud, I had to put on a good act to prove otherwise. With Phoebe, too, I hid what I was thinking. It wasn’t all lies, though. In giving my first confession, for instance, I tried to be truthful. I was asked to confront my failings: to cultivate openness before Jejah, he said, so before God. Sitting in the middle of the circle, I told them I hadn’t wanted to lose my faith. I’d proselytized to anyone who’d listen. I went house to house, selling Christ: a fanatic, and proud of it. I told them about the Beijing mission trip, then the shock of my father’s betrayal. I’d tried to help the parent I still had, but it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough. I’d knelt in the bedroom, asking one last time for a sign. Thin curtains fluttered, gauze-white, and I waited until I couldn’t, then I got up. It became hard to live at home. The walls were thin. In bed, I heard my mother’s frenzied petitions to God, asking Him to heal me. I thought of my father’s lot, atheist in a household bent on bringing him to Christ. It didn’t excuse what he’d done, but I could touch the edges of his solitude. Like him, I fled. I came here. I realized I had to lie—

• From Amplified Holy Bible (2015)

  14 We are not overstepping the limits of our province, as if we did not [legitimately] reach to you, for we were the [very] first to come even as far as you with the good news of Christ. 15 We do not go beyond our proper limit, boasting in the work of other men, but we have the hope that as your faith [in Christ and His divine power] continues to grow, our field among you may be greatly expanded [but still within the limits of our commission], 16 so that we may preach the gospel even in the lands beyond you, but not to boast in work already accomplished in another one’s field of activity. 17 However, “LET HIM WHO BOASTS BOAST IN THE LORD .” [Jer 9:24 ] 18 For it is not he who commends and praises himself who is approved [by God], but it is the one whom the Lord commends and praises. 2 Corinthians 11 Paul Defends His Apostleship 1 I WISH you would bear with me [while I indulge] in a little foolishness; but indeed you are bearing with me [as you read this]. 2 I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy because I have promised you to one husband, to present you as a pure virgin to Christ. [Hos 2:19 , 20 ] 3 But I am afraid that, even as the serpent beguiled Eve by his cunning, your minds may be corrupted and led away from the simplicity of [your sincere and] pure devotion to Christ. [Gen 3:4 ] 4 For [you seem willing to allow it] if one comes and preaches another Jesus whom we have not preached, or if you receive a different spirit from the one you received, or a different gospel from the one you accepted. You tolerate all this beautifully [welcoming the deception]. 5 Yet I consider myself in no way inferior to the [so-called] a super-apostles. 6 But even if I am unskilled in speaking, yet I am not [untrained] in b knowledge [I know what I am talking about]; but we have made this evident to you in every way, in all things. 7 Or did I [perhaps] sin by humbling myself so that you might be exalted and honored, because I preached God’s gospel to you c free of charge? 8 I robbed other churches by accepting [more than their share of] financial support for my ministry to you. 9 And when I was with you and ran short [financially], I did not burden any of you; for what I needed was fully supplied by the brothers (Silas and Timothy) who came from Macedonia (the church at Philippi). So I kept myself from being a burden to you in any way, and will continue to do so. [Phil 4:15 , 16 ] 10 As the truth of Christ is in me, my boast [of independence] will not be silenced in the regions of Achaia (southern Greece). 11 Why?

• From The Decameron (1353)

  The gentleman, overjoyed both at the assurance that himseemed he had of the lady's love and at the goodly gift, was no sooner quit of the friar than he betook himself to a place where he made shift to let his mistress see that he had the one and the other thing; whereat she was mightily rejoiced, more by token that herseemed her device went from good to better. She now awaited nought but her husband's going abroad to give completion to the work, and it befell not long after that it behoved him repair to Genoa on some occasion or other. No sooner had he mounted to horse in the morning and gone his way, than the lady betook herself to the holy man and after many lamentations, said to him, weeping, 'Father mine, I tell you now plainly that I can brook no more; but, for that I promised you the other day to do nought, without first telling you, I am come to excuse myself to you; and that you may believe I have good reason both to weep and to complain, I will tell you what your friend, or rather devil incarnate, did to me this very morning, a little before matins. I know not what ill chance gave him to know that my husband was to go to Genoa yestermorn; algates, this morning, at the time I tell you, he came into a garden of mine and climbing up by a tree to the window of my bedchamber, which giveth upon the garden, had already opened the lattice and was for entering, when I of a sudden awoke and starting up, offered to cry out, nay, would assuredly have cried out, but that he, who was not yet within, besought me of mercy in God's name and yours, telling me who he was; which when I heard, I held my peace for the love of you and naked as I was born, ran and shut the window in his face; whereupon I suppose he took himself off (ill-luck go with him!), for I heard no more of him. Look you now if this be a goodly thing and to be endured. For my part I mean to bear with him no more; nay, I have already forborne him overmuch for the love of you.' The friar, hearing this, was the wrathfullest man alive and knew not what to say, except to ask again and again if she had well certified herself that it was indeed he and not another; to which she answered, 'Praised be God! As if I did not yet know him from another! I tell you it was himself, and although he should deny it, credit him not.' Then said the friar, 'Daughter, there is nothing to be said for it but that this was exceeding effrontery and a thing exceeding ill done, and in sending him off, as thou didst, thou didst that which it behoved thee to do.

• From Amplified Holy Bible (2015)

  7 You, O LORD , will preserve and keep them; You will protect him from this [evil] generation forever. 8 The wicked strut about [in pompous self-importance] on every side, As vileness is exalted and baseness is prized among the sons of men. Psalm 13 Prayer for Help in Trouble. To the Chief Musician. A Psalm of David. 1 H OW LONG , O LORD ? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me? 2 How long must I take counsel in my soul, Having sorrow in my heart day after day? How long will my enemy exalt himself and triumph over me? 3 Consider and answer me, O LORD my God; Give light (life) to my eyes, or I will sleep the sleep of death, 4 And my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,” And my adversaries will rejoice when I am shaken. 5 But I have trusted and relied on and been confident in Your lovingkindness and faithfulness; My heart shall rejoice and delight in Your salvation. 6 I will sing to the LORD , Because He has dealt bountifully with me. Psalm 14 Folly and Wickedness of Men. To the Chief Musician. A Psalm of David. 1 T HE [SPIRITUALLY ignorant] fool has said in his heart, “There is no God.” They are corrupt, they have committed repulsive and unspeakable deeds; There is no one who does good. [Rom 3:10 ] 2 The LORD has looked down from heaven upon the children of men To see if there are any who understand (act wisely), Who [truly] seek after God, [longing for His wisdom and guidance]. 3 They have all turned aside, together they have become corrupt; There is no one who does good, not even one. [Rom 3:11 , 12 ] 4 Have all the workers of wickedness and injustice no knowledge, Who eat up my people as they eat bread, And do not call upon the LORD ? 5 There they tremble with great fear, For God is with the [consistently] righteous generation. 6 You [evildoers] shamefully plan against the poor, But the LORD is his safe refuge. 7 Oh, that the salvation of Israel would come out of Zion! When the LORD restores His captive people, Then Jacob will rejoice, Israel will be glad. [Rom 11:25–27 ] Psalm 15 Description of a Citizen of Zion. A Psalm of David. 1 O LORD , who may lodge [as a guest] in Your tent? Who may dwell [continually] on Your holy hill? 2 He who walks with integrity and strength of character, and works righteousness, And speaks and holds truth in his heart. 3 He does not slander with his tongue, Nor does evil to his neighbor, Nor takes up a reproach against his friend; 4 In his eyes an evil person is despised, But he honors those who fear the LORD [and obediently worship Him with awe-inspired reverence and submissive wonder].

• From Amplified Holy Bible (2015)

  62 “Because you did not obey the voice of the LORD your God, you who were as numerous as the stars of heaven shall be left few in number. 63 “It shall come about that just as the LORD delighted over you to make you prosper and multiply, so the LORD will delight over you to bring you to ruin and destruction; and you will be o uprooted [violently] from the land which you are entering to possess. 64 “And the LORD will scatter you among all the nations, from one end of the earth to the other; and there you will [be forced to] serve other gods, [lifeless gods of] wood and stone, which neither you nor your fathers have known. [Dan 3:6 ] 65 “Among those nations you will find no peace (rest), and there will be no resting place for the sole of your foot; but there the LORD will give you a trembling heart, failing eyes, and a despairing soul. 66 “Your life will hang in doubt before you; night and day you will be filled with anxiety and have no assurance of living. 67 “In the morning you will say, ‘I wish it were evening!’ and in the evening you will say, ‘I wish it were morning!’—because of the dread in your heart with which you tremble, and because of the sight of your eyes which you will see. 68 “The LORD will bring you back to Egypt in ships, by the way about which I said to you, ‘You will never see it again!’ And there you will offer yourselves for sale to your enemies as male and female slaves, but there will be no one to buy you. [Hos 8:13 ] Deuteronomy 29 The Covenant in Moab 1 T HESE ARE the words of the covenant which the LORD commanded Moses to make with the sons of Israel in the land of Moab, in addition to the covenant which He made with them at Horeb (Sinai). 2 a Moses summoned all Israel and said to them, “You have seen all that the LORD did before your eyes in the land of Egypt to Pharaoh, to all his servants, and to all his land; 3 the great trials [of Pharaoh] which your eyes have seen, the signs and those great wonders. 4 “Yet to this day the LORD has not given you a heart and mind to understand, nor eyes to see, nor ears to hear. 5 “I have led you in the wilderness forty years; your clothes have not worn out on you, and your sandals have not worn out on your feet. 6 “You have not eaten bread, nor have you drunk wine or strong drink, so that you might know that I am the LORD your God [on whom you must depend].

• From Vox (1992)

  She said it’s because you’ve got more layers—you’ve got the graphic stuff going on, but you’ve got mouths saying Italian sex words or French sex words, and then American actors going ooh and ah, and usually the American actors who do the dubbing are somewhat better than the American actors who’ve got to both have sex and act. And no L.A. boudoir interiors, no L.A. fireplaces reflected in L.A. wineglasses, no Ron Jeremy. Again, that’s not exactly what she said, but that was what she was getting at. And then she said, still in a very pragmatic way, she said, ‘For instance, Atom Home Video distributes a few good dubbed ones.’ So I clanked down my coffee and I said, ‘Okay. I accept everything you say. I’ll specify the couch size, I’ll specify high-end dubbed Italian-import porno, but still I just don’t trust myself to buy the right blanket . That’s what worries me. And I see now that I really need the right blanket to complete this. Will you help me pick out a blanket?’ And she said, ‘Tonight?’ And I said, ‘Yeah it has to be tonight, it really does, because tomorrow I’ll want to send in the ad, and as you say I have got to include the size, the color, everything, if I want this to work. I need your help with this.’ And she said okay.”

• From Amplified Holy Bible (2015)

  18 AND IF IT IS DIFFICULT FOR THE RIGHTEOUS TO BE SAVED , WHAT WILL BECOME OF THE GODLESS AND THE SINNER ? [Prov 11:31 ] 19 Therefore, those who are ill-treated and suffer in accordance with the will of God must [continue to] do right and commit their souls [for safe-keeping] to the faithful Creator. 1 Peter 5 Serve God Willingly 1 T HEREFORE, I strongly urge the elders among you [pastors, spiritual leaders of the church], as a fellow elder and as an eyewitness [called to testify] of the sufferings of Christ, as well as one who shares in the glory that is to be revealed: 2 shepherd and guide and protect the flock of God among you, exercising oversight not under compulsion, but voluntarily, according to the will of God; and not [motivated] for shameful gain, but with wholehearted enthusiasm; 3 not lording it over those assigned to your care [do not be arrogant or overbearing], but be examples [of Christian living] to the flock [set a pattern of integrity for your congregation]. 4 And when the Chief Shepherd (Christ) appears, you will receive the [conqueror’s] unfading crown of glory. 5 Likewise, you younger men [of lesser rank and experience], be subject to your elders [seek their counsel]; and all of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another [tie on the servant’s apron], for GOD IS OPPOSED TO THE PROUD [the disdainful, the presumptuous, and He defeats them], BUT HE GIVES GRACE TO THE HUMBLE . [Prov 3:34 ] 6 Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God [set aside self-righteous pride], so that He may exalt you [to a place of honor in His service] at the appropriate time, [John 3:30 ] 7 casting all your cares [all your anxieties, all your worries, and all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares about you [with deepest affection, and watches over you very carefully]. [Ps 55:22 ] 8 Be sober [well balanced and self-disciplined], be alert and cautious at all times. That enemy of yours, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion [fiercely hungry], seeking someone to devour. 9 But resist him, be firm in your faith [against his attack—rooted, established, immovable], knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being experienced by your brothers and sisters throughout the world. [You do not suffer alone.] 10 After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace [who imparts His blessing and favor], who called you to His own eternal glory in Christ, will Himself complete, confirm, strengthen, and establish you [making you what you ought to be]. 11 To Him be dominion (power, authority, sovereignty) forever and ever. Amen. 12 By a Silvanus, our faithful brother (as I consider him), I have written to you briefly, to counsel and testify that this is the true grace [the undeserved favor] of God. Stand firm in it!

• From Amplified Holy Bible (2015)

  22 For I was ashamed to request troops and horsemen from the king to protect us from the enemy along the way, because we had told the king, “The hand of our God is favorable toward all those who seek Him, but His power and His anger are against all those who abandon (turn away from) Him.” 23 So we fasted and sought [help from] our God concerning this [matter], and He heard our plea. 24 Then I set apart twelve leading priests, Sherebiah, Hashabiah, and ten of their brothers (relatives), 25 and I weighed out to them the silver, the gold, and the utensils, the offering for the house of our God which the king, his advisers, his officials, and all Israel who were present there had offered. 26 I weighed into their hands 650 talents of silver, and silver utensils worth 100 talents, and 100 talents of gold; 27 also 20 bowls of gold worth 1,000 darics, and two utensils of fine e shiny bronze, precious as gold. 28 Then I said to them, “You are holy to the LORD , the utensils are holy, and the silver and the gold are a freewill offering to the LORD God of your fathers. 29 “Guard and keep them until you weigh them before the leading priests and the Levites and the leaders of the fathers’ households of Israel in Jerusalem, in the chambers of the house of the LORD .” 30 So the priests and the Levites received the weighed out silver and gold, and the utensils, to bring them to Jerusalem to the house of our God. 31 We set out from the river Ahava on the twelfth [day] of the first month to go to Jerusalem; and the hand of our God was upon us, and He rescued us from the hand of the enemy and those who lay in ambushes along the way. 32 So we came to Jerusalem and remained there for three days. Treasure Placed in the Temple 33 On the fourth day the silver and the gold and the utensils were weighed out in the house of our God into the hand of Meremoth the son of Uriah the priest, and with him was Eleazar the son of Phinehas; and with them were the Levites—Jozabad the son of Jeshua and Noadiah the son of Binnui. 34 Every piece was counted and weighed, and all the weight was recorded at that time. 35 Also the [former] exiles who had come from the captivity offered burnt offerings to the God of Israel: 12 bulls for all Israel, 96 rams, 77 lambs, and 12 male goats for a sin offering. All this was a burnt offering to the LORD . 36 And they delivered the king’s edicts to the king’s satraps (lieutenants) and to the governors f west of the [Euphrates] River, and they supported the people and God’s house.

• From The Decameron (1353)

  This speech gave the abbot great satisfaction and himseemed fortune had opened him the way to his chief desire; wherefore, 'Daughter,' quoth he, 'I can well believe that it must be a sore annoy for a fair and dainty dame such as you are to have a blockhead to husband, but a much greater meseemeth to have a jealous man; wherefore, you having both the one and the other, I can lightly credit that which you avouch of your tribulation. But for this, speaking briefly, I see neither counsel nor remedy save one, the which is that Ferondo be cured of this jealousy. The medicine that will cure him I know very well how to make, provided you have the heart to keep secret that which I shall tell you.' 'Father mine,' answered the lady, 'have no fear of that, for I would liefer suffer death than tell any that which you bid me not repeat; but how may this be done?' Quoth the abbot, 'An we would have him cured, it behoveth of necessity that he go to purgatory.' 'But how,' asked she, 'can he go thither alive?' 'Needs must he die,' replied the abbot, 'and so go thither; and whenas he shall have suffered such penance as shall suffice to purge him of his jealousy, we will pray God, with certain orisons that he restore him to this life, and He will do it.' 'Then,' said the lady, 'I am to become a widow?' 'Ay,' answered the abbot, 'for a certain time, wherein you must look well you suffer not yourself to be married again, for that God would take it in ill part, and whenas Ferondo returned hither, it would behove you return to him and he would then be more jealous than ever.' Quoth she, 'Provided he be but cured of this calamity, so it may not behove me abide in prison all my life, I am content; do as it pleaseth you.' 'And I will do it,'[193] rejoined he; 'but what guerdon am I to have of you for such a service?' 'Father,' answered the lady, 'you shall have whatsoever pleaseth you, so but it be in my power; but what can the like of me that may befit such a man as yourself?' 'Madam,' replied the abbot 'you can do no less for me than that which I undertake to do for you; for that, like as I am disposed to do that which is to be your weal and your solacement, even so can you do that which will be the saving and assainment of my life.' Quoth she, 'An it be so, I am ready.' 'Then,' said the abbot, 'you must give me your love and vouchsafe me satisfaction of yourself, for whom I am all afire with love and languishment.' [Footnote 193: _i.e._ I will cure your husband of his jealousy.]