Anxiety

Passages

Every passage tagged with this emotion in the Vela corpus. Search the body text, narrow by source or register, click through to a book’s profile to see how the passage sits with the rest of the work.

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• From Come As You Are (2015)

  And none of these indicates that now is a good time to get laid. Stress is about survival. And while sex serves a lot of purposes, personal survival is not one of them (except when it is—see the attachment section). So for most people, stress slams on the brakes, bottoming out sexual interest—except for the 10 to 20 percent or so of people like Olivia for whom stress activates the accelerator. (All the same parts, organized in different ways.) But even for those folks, stress blocks sexual pleasure (liking) even as it increases sexual interest (wanting). Stressed sex feels different from joyful sex—you know, because: context. To reduce the impact of stress on your sexual pleasure and interest, to have more joyful, pleasurable sex, manage your stress. Yeah, easier said than done. When Olivia was stressed, her interest in sex increased—and it was a source of conflict in her relationship with Patrick, since when he was stressed, his interest in sex went down. And worse, sometimes the stress-driven sexual interest made Olivia feel out of control. How can she manage that feeling? By practicing completing the cycle. My technical description of Olivia’s out-of-control experience is “maladaptive behavior to manage negative affect”—which just means trying to cope with uncomfortable emotions (stress, depression, anxiety, loneliness, rage) by doing things that carry a high risk of unwanted consequences. Compulsive sexual behavior is one example. Other examples include: using alcohol or other drugs in a risky way dysfunctional relationships—for instance, trying to deal with your own feelings by dealing with someone else’s escaping into distractions, like movie binge-watching when you have other things you need to be doing disordered eating—restricting, bingeing, or purging Of course, many of these can be done in a healthy way. It’s when we do them instead of dealing with our Feels—that is, instead of completing the cycle—that they bring the potential for unwanted consequences. Some of those consequences are fairly benign… and some are could-kill-you-tonight dangerous. And they’re all intended to do one thing: manage the underlying feelings. We might do these things when we don’t know how to complete the cycle or when the feelings just hurt too much. As a teenager, disordered eating was Olivia’s maladaptive coping strategy. She would binge-eat and then exercise, binge and exercise. As she recovered from her eating disorder, she came to realize that her behavior wasn’t really about the shape of her body—“I needed something to blame for my anxiety, and cultural brainwashing made my body seem like a good target,” she said. Instead, her compulsive behavior was an attempt to deal with feelings that felt too big for her to handle. She’s been symptom-free for several years. Still, she told me, “I sometimes walk through doors sideways because I think I’m too big to fit. When I catch myself doing it, I make myself go through straight, because what I learned is that it’s not my body that I’m worried is too big. It’s my anxiety.”

• From Come As You Are (2015)

  What if you have the opposite combination—sensitive brakes plus not-so-sensitive accelerator? This describes about 1 to 4 percent of women and is associated with problems with getting aroused, lack of interest or desire, and difficulty with orgasm. If you have sensitive brakes, you’re very responsive to all the reasons not to be aroused, and if you have a relatively insensitive accelerator, it takes a lot of concentration and deliberate attention to tune in to sex. Sensitive brakes, regardless of the accelerator, is the strongest predictor of sexual problems of all kinds. In a 2008 survey of 226 women age eighteen to eighty-one, low interest in sex, arousal difficulties, and orgasm difficulty were significantly correlated with inhibition factors, especially “arousal contingency” (“Unless things are ‘just right’ it is difficult for me to become sexually aroused”) and concerns about sexual function (“If I am worried about taking too long to become aroused or to orgasm, this can interfere with my arousal”).8 You can complete the Sexual Temperament Questionnaire that follows to get an idea of how sensitive your own brakes and accelerator are. Don’t mistake this for actual science! It’s a Cosmo quiz adaptation of the science, intended to guide you in your understanding of how your internal sexual response mechanism may influence your response to sexual stimulation, but it is just an approximation.9 Remember, especially, that there are actually two different brakes. Some people’s arousal is shut down more because of internal fears (e.g., taking too long to become aroused), and others are more affected by fears about external factors (e.g., getting an STI or getting caught having sex). Both can decrease your arousal, or prevent you from becoming aroused in the first place. Inhibitors Sometimes I have so many worries that I am unable to get aroused. 01234Not at all like meNot much like meSomewhat like meA lot like meExactly like meUnless things are “just right,” it is difficult for me to become sexually aroused. 01234Not at all like meNot much like meSomewhat like meA lot like meExactly like meIf I am uncertain how my partner feels about me, it is harder for me to get aroused. 01234Not at all like meNot much like meSomewhat like meA lot like meExactly like meIf I am worried about taking too long to become aroused or to orgasm, this can interfere with my arousal. 01234Not at all like meNot much like meSomewhat like meA lot like meExactly like meSometimes I feel so “shy” or self-conscious during sex that I cannot become fully aroused. 01234Not at all like meNot much like meSomewhat like meA lot like meExactly like meTotal (out of 20) ____ Excitors Seeing a partner doing something that shows their talent or intelligence, or watching them interacting well with others can make me very sexually aroused. 01234Not at all like meNot much like meSomewhat like meA lot like meExactly like meWhen I think about someone I find sexually attractive or fantasize about sex, I easily become sexually aroused.

• From Anxiety at Work: 8 Strategies to Help Teams Build Resilience, Handle Uncertainty, and Get Stuff Done

  When it comes to innovation, she says, “It’s true that most mutations don’t work out, but the ones that break through do so in a big way.” The same is fundamentally true with employees learning to achieve the excellence perfectionists so strive for. We advise that managers coach their people that it’s better to get their work done on time, as well as they can, and put something out there for evaluation. This way, they can get input from other team members, leaders, even customers, and not be locked in a mental prison of anxious worry. Constantly moving forward like this is a great way of helping perfectionists, and all staff, cultivate a “growth mindset.” Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck introduced that term in her bestselling book Mindset , which we recommend to all managers. Her research revealed that people tend to have either a growth mindset, meaning they believe their intelligence and aptitude can be developed and are willing to try new strategies and seek help from others; or they have a fixed mindset, which leads them to believe that their intelligence is carved in stone, and their aptitudes for certain kinds of work won’t develop much over time, e.g., “I’m just not good with technology.” This causes them to shy away from new challenges. In addition, people with a growth mindset tend to perceive criticism about their work as constructive and as helping them improve. Developing a growth mindset helps people dive into whatever work they might find daunting and not suffer from anxiety about getting it done, or from self-punishment if they’ve got to make improvements. We talked with one senior executive who admitted he has perfectionist tendencies. He has benefited greatly from his own boss coaching him to view the work he and his team were doing through a growth-mindset perspective. Darcy Verhun, the president of FYidoctors, told us, “I tend to push myself and I am aware that can lead to a tendency for me to push others too hard.” He shared an example with us: “A few years ago we created a visual interpretation of our goals using a series of increasingly higher mountains. We had our goals bannered at the top of each mountain. We called it ‘Expedition.’ As we reached a goal, we would put a flag at the top of the mountain we had collectively ‘climbed.’ When we got to the end of the third quarter, I realized that I couldn’t put flags on all the mountains. I hate to fail, so I was sweating as I met with our founder and chairman. We only had hit about 60 percent of our stretch goals.

• From Anxiety at Work: 8 Strategies to Help Teams Build Resilience, Handle Uncertainty, and Get Stuff Done

  Anthony offers a great bit of advice for leaders: “When you say you want to meet with someone, no matter what it’s about, don’t leave them wondering if they are out the door. Because many will. People aren’t ignorant to unstable economic climates or the practice of silent layoffs. Specifically explaining that you want to meet tomorrow to go over revisions to a report, or whatever, is going to save your people a day of worry that could be spent productively.” In all of this, we are not suggesting leaders should try to become therapists. Can you imagine? It’s vital that we turn to specialists to provide counseling; and for employees feeling anxiety symptoms at any level, referral to a company employee assistance program (EAP) or a licensed counselor can be extremely helpful. Managers can play an active role in finding the help their people need, and formal programs can have huge payoffs. PricewaterhouseCoopers has found, for example, that for every $1 invested in mental health programs, organizations receive an average return on investment of $2.30, seen through improved productivity, fewer compensation claims, reduced absenteeism, and reduced presenteeism (showing up for work even when sick, overly fatigued, or otherwise not operating at normal levels of productivity). Forbes reports the total cost of overall poor employee health at more than $530 billion in the US alone, with much of that attributed to impaired performance. Harvard Medical School research adds that the mental health aspect of wellness has usually been overlooked in that analysis. The mindset that mental wellness is the responsibility solely of the employee and does not need to be considered by an employer is not a financially sound decision, the Harvard researchers explain. “In the long term, costs spent on mental health care may represent an investment that will pay off not only in healthier employees, but also for the company’s financial health.” So, to be perfectly clear, we’re big fans of offering mental health assistance. But EAP referrals and formal internal programs aren’t the only answer. Managers have an important role to play as well. After all, a team is a tight social network with its own dynamic. As leaders working in an unpredictable time, we have to be particularly sensitive to the fact that our team might be more vulnerable to anxiety. Encouraging people to be open about their struggles and lending an ear as a boss can do much good. As one young worker confided to us, “Nine times out of ten when we complain we just want to be heard, and it doesn’t involve advice or problem-solving. Just, ‘That sounds really hard. I can’t imagine going through that. I’m here for you.’ We want an advocate in our boss, not someone who is tolerant of the issue.” Peter Diaz, CEO of the Workplace Mental Health Institute, points out that managers can “have a default to [refer everyone to an] EAP,” which often leaves employees with wrong impressions.

• From Anxiety at Work: 8 Strategies to Help Teams Build Resilience, Handle Uncertainty, and Get Stuff Done

  Communication is key in the process, Camaraza said to us. “In our team we listen and we explain. There are times we can incorporate employee suggestions into our strategy and there are times we can’t. There are decisions made above us that we like, and some we might not agree with as a leadership team, but you have to always explain the reasoning and listen with real intent to the feedback.” In this way, no matter what’s going on—good or bad—we face uncertainty together, as a team. SUMMARYLead through UncertaintyUncertainty can trigger various responses in people, often with negative consequences on performance. The most common uncertainty for today’s employees is whether or not a job will last.Uncertainty is exacerbated when managers don’t communicate enough about challenges facing their organizations and how those issues may affect their people and their teams.A good deal of employee uncertainty is about their own performance and development, i.e., How am I doing? and Do I have a future here? By meeting one-on-one regularly to evaluate performance and growth opportunities, leaders can help team members avoid misreading situations while enhancing their engagement and commitment to the organization.Leaders can use a set of methods to help reduce uncertainty: 1) make it okay to not have all the answers, 2) loosen your grip in tough times, 3) ensure everyone knows exactly what’s expected of them, 4) keep people focused on what can be controlled, 5) have a bias to action, and 6) offer constructive feedback. 3How to Turn Less into MoreHelp Team Members Deal with OverloadYou can’t calm the storm, so stop trying. What you can do is calm yourself. The storm will pass. —Timber Hawkeye In order to become a Navy SEAL—part of the world’s most elite special forces unit—one must first pass through what is called “Hell Week.” During this fourth week of basic conditioning, recruits train for five days and five nights solid, with a total of four hours of sleep. Brandon Webb passed the challenge. While many people assume physical toughness is the secret to becoming one of the 10 to 15 percent who will graduate, he says, “What SEAL training really tests is your mental mettle. It is designed to push you mentally to the brink, over and over again, until you are hardened and able to take on any task with confidence, regardless of the odds—or until you break.” According to Columbia Business School professor Rita McGrath, author of Seeing Around Corners , researchers have found two archetypes of behavior in those who attempt to pass SEAL training. First are called the “Taskers,” who look to complete each job assigned during this week of torture and then rest when they can. The other group are called “Optimizers,” those who imagine all the tasks lined up for them during the day and think about how much time and effort they should put into each.

• From Anxiety at Work: 8 Strategies to Help Teams Build Resilience, Handle Uncertainty, and Get Stuff Done

  We told him not to focus on any weaknesses until he had captured all the manager’s thinking on his good attributes. He reported back that it felt remarkably weird taking notes on the good stuff his boss was saying, and even odder to ask for clarifications on those positives; but after just ten minutes of this he began to realize that his manager was well aware of his strengths. Tyler then saw the improvement ideas his boss was offering in a new light. They were to help him develop his talents so he could progress, not an indictment of his abilities overall. He left the meeting with newfound confidence. The lesson learned from this, that we have since passed along to the leaders we work with, is to take much more time than in the past to be very clear on your appreciation of your employees’ strengths. A complaint we hear about this is that it would take too much work on the part of managers to overcome uncertainty in each of their people—too much coaching, communicating, and hand-holding. Adrian heard this in Stockholm in late 2019 while conducting a workshop for the Nordic Forum for Continuous Improvement on how to lead cultural change. The several hundred people in attendance were from various companies all over Sweden. At one point, Adrian gave them a task intended to help brainstorm better ways to talk with their teams about change and improve information flow up and down in complex environments. In the debrief, one older manager complained about the younger generation: “Leading them is hard because they want excessive amounts of direction and feedback.” Sitting at the very next table were a pair of fresh-faced younger workers, clearly still in their twenties. So Adrian asked them, “Do you need excessive amounts of direction and feedback?” The group chuckled, and one of the two young people spoke up with characteristic Swedish tact. “I don’t think that’s entirely accurate,” she said. “I believe what I need is consistent direction and feedback.” Ah, the wisdom of youth! Usually when employees fail to adapt to change or refuse to push boundaries, we find that they are afraid of the consequences to their jobs, even though they may be more than capable of going beyond what is asked, modifying their behavior, or pushing the status quo. Since leaders don’t clearly ask for more out of them, these people never do any more than asked. Worse, they don’t speak up when they should. In an interview we conducted for this book with Dr. Amy Edmondson of Harvard Business School and author of The Fearless Organization , she explained, “When people feel heightened interpersonal anxiety, they worry, ‘Will I get in trouble if . . . ?’ or ‘Will I get rejected if . . . ?’

• From Anxiety at Work: 8 Strategies to Help Teams Build Resilience, Handle Uncertainty, and Get Stuff Done

  People differ dramatically in how well they assess their preparedness for new challenges; some who are anxious may shy away when they are more than ready, while others champing at the bit need a good deal of growth yet. For an inexperienced employee, a small role on a cross-functional team might be an ideal opportunity to see more tenured teammates in action and learn how other areas of the company operate. For a more seasoned worker, a leadership opportunity on a project may be appropriate. Margaret Rogers, vice president of Pariveda Solutions, a technology consulting firm, shared an example of a manager who has two employees who have an interest in developing their public speaking skills. “From previous meetings, you know one of them is less experienced and more nervous about talking in public,” she said. “This employee might benefit more from a small group setting, like a lunch-and-learn, during which he gives a short presentation. Because the other employee has had more practice, you might have her fly solo and present on a topic at the next companywide meeting or at a conference in front of a larger audience.” Rogers also recommends varying the level of control employees have over their own development based on their experience. A more seasoned employee should be given greater latitude to select opportunities for growth, while more guidance will be required for a new hire. But even with recruits, such as those fresh out of college, it’s crucial to allow some degree of input into the process. It’s also important to allow for stretching that might lead to some mistakes made, or even a failure on a project, within reasonable constraints, of course. Running into difficulties and experiencing failures can lead to powerful learning experiences and help identify skill gaps, which leaders and employees can then determine ways to fill. The key to reduce anxiety is that people should be coached that setbacks are considered learning opportunities, and a potential failure should never be significantly damaging to the employee’s overall performance, or that of the team. For example, asking a new person to make a presentation pitching an improvement idea to the team in a staff meeting might offer a chance to make a persuasive case, but success or failure isn’t going to negatively impact results. With effective coaching, leaders can help an employee who doesn’t quite get something right to understand the experience was a terrific demonstration of initiative and creative thinking, rather than a failure. The employee can also build awareness of what success in such an endeavor will require. Margaret Rogers comments in this regard, “Remember, safety is necessary when confidence is low, but pushing employees to the edge of discomfort results in real development.” Method 8: Encourage Peer-to-Peer Support Today, when an employee wants to learn a new skill, their first stop is rarely their boss.

• From Anxiety at Work: 8 Strategies to Help Teams Build Resilience, Handle Uncertainty, and Get Stuff Done

  It took considerable coaching, as well as some pretty blunt 360- degree feedback, to get him to see the light, that he’d gone too far and was adding significantly to the team’s anxiety levels. In another case, we were asked to work with a leader who had come from outside the organization to assume a senior role over a team that needed some direction. She told us she’d never been big on conflict. “I expect my employees to do their jobs without hand-holding,” she said in our first session. In 360s with her team, we heard several complaints that her new employees didn’t know where they really stood with her. Everything was hinted at. “Become a better coach” and “become more assertive” were the two leadership skills we worked with her on over the coming months. Executive coach Peter Bregman had a similar experience with two of his clients. One of them was seen as the apparent successor to the CEO, but he had a problem. “Several of his direct reports were close friends, and he didn’t hold them accountable in the same way he held his other direct reports,” said Bregman. “They didn’t do what he asked and weren’t delivering the results expected. It was hurting his business and his reputation.” Bregman said the other members of this team saw the problem clearly enough and they admitted it was affecting their own motivation because of the unfairness. The leader, on the other hand, had blinders on. He didn’t see it. Bregman’s other client was CEO of a fast-growing billion-dollar enterprise. “He’s warm, gregarious, and authentic,” said the coach. “He’s learned, the hard way, that having friends when you’re the boss can be complicated.” He used to have work friends come to his house for dinner and get to know his family. “But then I had to make hard calls for the good of the business, including firing one of them, and it became too painful. I became hesitant to make decisions because of it. So no, I’m not looking for friends at work.” Bregman explained that this second leader doesn’t avoid friendships with employees because he is a bad guy.

• From Anxiety at Work: 8 Strategies to Help Teams Build Resilience, Handle Uncertainty, and Get Stuff Done

  Since the conflict-averse find it hard to say no and don’t want to ruffle feathers, they can often feel misused. From Conflict to CollaborationIt’s worth noting how a manager can spot the difference between someone playing a healthy role as a team builder and an employee plagued by conflict aversion. A few clues to help spot the conflict-averse: if they shy away from difficult conversations, even when such discussions are necessary; if they try to change the topic or flee the scene when things get tense; if they get uncomfortable during debates in staff meetings or brainstorming sessions; or if they resist expressing their feelings or thoughts during meetings—yet might display passive-aggressive tendencies afterward or be upset that their voice was not heard. When managers perceive that a conflict-avoidance issue may exist, they can do a great deal to address it by working with employees to stand up for themselves. They may also help them take time to consider their own opinions before agreeing to anything that might violate their values, and stick to their guns when challenged. Dieken suggests leaders help their employees understand that sugarcoating is actually a selfish act, and that “candor is a gift. While you may be trying to spare another person’s feelings, sugarcoating is a superficial attempt to seem more appealing. If you filter out bad news, you’re dooming others. You help people use better judgment when you arm them with accurate information, even if it’s not what they want to hear.” In some cases, we’ve found the culture of an entire team or organization can be conflict-avoidant, which can be an incredible frustration to those workers who want the group to break out of the status quo. When leading a culture like this, managers play a vital role in steering group discussions to be more inclusive. One leader who has begun to embrace this process is Darcy Verhun, president of FYidoctors. He told us, “We’re operating through a different lens now—Zoom meetings—and that means not everybody can or will be able to participate verbally in a conversation. The other day, during an important meeting, I had a powerful sense that we weren’t utilizing everybody’s full intellectual horsepower. So, as we were wrapping up, I stopped and asked each person on the Zoom call, ‘What are you thinking about this topic but haven’t said?’ It turned out to be a game-changing question.

• From Anxiety at Work: 8 Strategies to Help Teams Build Resilience, Handle Uncertainty, and Get Stuff Done

  In the ensuing years, we’ve heard so much from managers about the problem, and we began to understand that we could help them solve it. We appreciate that the prospect of plunging into what to know about anxiety as a leader is daunting, so we’ve done the plunging for you. The last thing any of us need is more heavy lifting. The goal with this work has been to create a simple guide for managers that they can read very quickly, providing practices to implement immediately. We’ve organized the book by the eight leading sources of anxiety in the workplace, with a chapter for each strategy. They address such anxiety-inducing issues as: Employees’ uncertainty about the organization’s strategy for contending with challenges, and how it affects job security.Work overload and the need for managers to help balance loads and help prioritize.A lack of clarity about prospects for career growth and development, as well as the need for clarity in everyday work situations.How perfectionism has become the enemy of getting things done.Fear of speaking up, contributing, and debating issues.Feeling marginalized as “others” for women, people of color, those on the LGBTQ+ spectrum, and religious minorities.Being excluded socially by team members, with the sense of alienation from working remotely an emerging variation of this problem.A lack of confidence and feeling undervalued.Some of us tend to be more troubled by one or two of these issues more than others, and it takes creativity on the part of a leader to help. One worker in your care may become extremely anxious about tight project deadlines. His challenge might be more about his perfectionism than feeling like there’s too much work. It’s the fear of how well he can do something that’s eating at him, not how much he has to do and by when. Another employee may be entirely confident in the quality of her work but be stressed because she’s seen signs of trouble ahead for the team, or organization, and is not at all confident that management has a plan to address the issues, or what her role will be given this uncertain future. As leaders, once we know what to look for, we can more effectively begin addressing the problem with the solutions provided here. And we won’t just share what to do, we’ll illustrate how , using examples of real managers and their employees. Here’s one quick story to give you a taste. Dr. Ken Huey, CEO of Red Mountain Colorado residential treatment facility, told us of a new hire in his company who missed two important appointments her first week on the job. He said, “I was thinking, ‘Is this going to work out?’

• From Anxiety at Work: 8 Strategies to Help Teams Build Resilience, Handle Uncertainty, and Get Stuff Done

  We nodded. “A lot of leading is just that. It’s about resolving people issues, but it’s also about enabling others to succeed.” We added that some folks loved what he loathed. Later we explained to Greg’s boss that while he might become a serviceable manager, there was a very good chance he would be miserable in the role, which might lead to anxiety and burnout. It also might be clear, pretty fast, to his team members that his heart wasn’t in the job. We wish everyone always took our brilliant advice (or that our advice was always brilliant). This story took a turn for the worse. Based on the director’s continued recommendation, after she was promoted to another role a few months later, Greg took over the team. He was smart, he’d figure it out, the company brass reasoned. That situation lasted for just about six months before the team revolted. Greg, they said, was slow to respond to their concerns, unsympathetic to their personal issues, and wrapped up in his own deliverables. The HR partner assigned to his team had tried to coach Greg during the months he was in the role; but as sharp as Greg was, he just couldn’t seem to change. Thankfully, the company didn’t fire him. The HR partner and Greg worked together to create a new role in which he would continue on the payroll as the team’s senior consultant. In the three years since, he has taken on other tasks (internal executive coaching for one), broadened his reach working as a liaison with other departments, and assumed more responsibility in product development. Greg is a bright guy who, to the benefit of everyone involved, is no longer managing anyone except himself. As this organization learned, putting people in the wrong positions can cause anxiety and undue stress, not only for the person in the wrong position, but also for the team they work with. One last hard truth about this process is that sometimes coming to a clear understanding with an employee about the path they need to be on may lead to them leaving your team. And that might be optimal for the company and employee. That was the view of the CEO of a large insurance company we worked with. We conducted motivation training for about a thousand leaders. Many were able to better align their daily tasks with their key drivers. As we sat down with the CEO to discuss the results, he told us three of his valued managers had decided to move on because of the training—one to become a teacher, another to open a small business, and the third to go back to university. We were a little nervous how he’d react, but he was just fine. “If they aren’t happy, their employees are going to smell it on them,” he said. “And to lose only three out of a thousand is pretty good.

• From Anxiety at Work: 8 Strategies to Help Teams Build Resilience, Handle Uncertainty, and Get Stuff Done

  It also means using technology platforms and social media to provide ways that employees can connect and get to know each other, replicating the old water- cooler talk or sticking your head over the cubicle wall. Managers with remote teams also should spread leadership around to enhance ownership and engagement—asking certain folks on the team to run meetings about a subject they are passionate about or conduct training sessions on an area of their expertise. Bosses can also bring some fun into the mix by encouraging home workspace decorating contests or background competitions. Even little things can help build connection. For instance, if leaders bring in lunch for people who are in the office, they can make sure to send food to remote people as well. That’s a nice touch. Beth Schinoff of Boston College and Blake Ashforth and Kevin Corley of Arizona State University say that remote work is changing how we relate to our coworkers in two important ways. First, employees are going to become less likely to live close to their coworkers. “This means that we may not have the opportunity for in-person, informal shared experiences . . . as well as organizationally sponsored shared experiences.” Second, workers will increasingly rely on technology to communicate with colleagues versus face-to- face interactions. Interacting through media like text, instant message, and even teleconferences can make it harder to get a sense of who someone is. “We can’t assess body language and other nonlinguistic cues in the same way we can in- person,” the authors say. “When we work via technology, it is also more likely that we will only communicate with our virtual coworkers when we have a reason to.” Given these fundamental differences in how we relate when working virtually, how do remote colleagues gain the friendships that are necessary to enhance engagement and loyalty, not to mention drive better outcomes? Schinoff and her colleagues advocate developing a cadence. “Remote workers feel like they have cadence with a coworker when they understand who that person is and can predict how they will interact,” they write. “Cadence is especially important when we work virtually because it helps us anticipate when we will [need to] interact with our virtual coworkers and how those interactions will go, things that are much easier to do when communicating face-to-face. When we don’t have cadence with our coworkers, we might find it difficult to get in contact with them or find it frustrating to interact with them when we do.” What can leaders and managers do to establish such a cadence when their people are remote? This involves setting the stage for employees to get to know each other. But instead of asking team members to introduce themselves, which can be anxiety-inducing, roundabout ways can produce better results.

• From Anxiety at Work: 8 Strategies to Help Teams Build Resilience, Handle Uncertainty, and Get Stuff Done

  After all, don’t we debate things in every other area of our lives? We find that when team members are free to speak up and know their voices will be heard, it can increase engagement, enhance psychological safety, and over time bolster self-confidence and a sense of ownership. A vigorous exchange of competing perspectives has been shown to improve team performance on numerous fronts, especially in enhancing the development of exciting new ideas. The best leaders facilitate this by: Encouraging a good degree of healthy discussion in a safe environment.Setting ground rules for debate and encouraging all voices to be heard.De-escalating quarreling with a calming process that brings order and safety to participants.Asking team members to clarify their opinions with facts when working through tough issues.Creating clear plans and timelines for moving forward after debates conclude.For employees who are highly conflict-averse, however, when they see debate brewing it can be upsetting and cause them to flee or freeze. Dieken adds that some people will try to sugarcoat things to avoid any conflict: “They’d rather perjure themselves than have an uncomfortable discussion. These are often people-pleasers, perfectionists, the highly anxious. They sidestep so they don’t have to deliver unwelcome news, or they hold back for fear that people won’t like them or will blame them.” Others who have these tendencies retreat into passive-aggressive behaviors. Fearing to speak the truth in a group setting, they are more than happy to keep their opinions to themselves. To those who are conflict-averse, a handful of team members sharing their views aggressively, or with a great deal of assurance, can feel threatening. To help smooth over tensions among their colleagues, they may intensify their own anxiety by taking undo responsibility in an attempt to quash the debate. Because they so value harmony and relationships, they are usually willing to sacrifice much, including their own mental comfort, to ensure relationships stay intact. It’s possible some use this approach in their personal lives. Some friends may like them because they seem so kind, while others take advantage of the way they avoid conflict. I know she’s allergic to cats, but Jacqueline will take care of Felix while we are away. She’s great.

• From Anxiety at Work: 8 Strategies to Help Teams Build Resilience, Handle Uncertainty, and Get Stuff Done

  We found a good example of team load-balancing when we worked with a biotech firm. A leader of a quality team had called such a meeting during a crisis in the factory: A contaminant had been found in one of their sterile products. During the meeting, a senior staff member mentioned they could postpone their deviation reports for up to thirty days and still meet FDA requirements. The reports document exceptions found to normal operating procedures, and the team normally prided themselves on completing them within days. Decision made, the team was then able to prioritize the next few weeks’ efforts on finding the point of contamination. The quality team got through the crisis and found it helpful to continue to meet weekly thereafter to balance loads, which resulted in the streamlining of several of their key processes. They discovered some work they’d been doing for years could be safely omitted entirely—for instance, one batch report was no longer required at all by regulators, and an internal audit that had been conducted monthly could be done quarterly. Left to work individually, the team members would most likely never have come up with these solutions. Tensions would have mounted, and goals might have been missed. Instead, conditions improved for everyone. Method 3: Rotate People If it’s possible given the nature of their business, leaders should consider moving people out of high-load and high-stress jobs into lower-stress ones in a rotating schedule to avoid anxiety overload. “Changes of pace, changes of demands, and shifts into situations that may not be so draining enable people to replenish their energies and get new and more accurate perspectives on themselves and their roles,” counseled Harvard’s Harry Levinson. Change also helps people be able to look forward to a time when they can get out of tough assignments. A study among nurses in the United States found job rotation helped reduce burnout. It also inspired staff members to achieve higher performance and allowed them to gain new knowledge and skills. Best of all for their hospitals, it increased the quality of care given to patients. A practitioner of job rotating is Matthew Ross, co-owner of The Slumber Yard, an online mattress review firm. His goal with moving people between jobs has been to enhance employee satisfaction, reduce turnover, and have his team members gain valuable new skills. Employees transfer to other lateral jobs as often as quarterly, and he finds that training employees to be competent in multiple disciplines helps reduce stress when one of them has to fill in for a colleague who’s out for a day or if an employee moves on. When done thoughtfully and with proper training, rotating jobs can also be an opportunity to help people move out of their comfort zones and work in areas where they may not normally be assigned. It’s also a chance to consider a person’s core motivators, to find work that will give them a greater sense of satisfaction.

• From Anxiety at Work: 8 Strategies to Help Teams Build Resilience, Handle Uncertainty, and Get Stuff Done

  For those who struggle with perfectionism, life is an endless report card about their accomplishments, looks, quality of friends, and so on. And that is a fast track to unhappiness and a great deal of worry. A key difference between unhealthy perfectionism and healthy striving is being able to define realistic expectations and knowing when to say “that’s good enough.” A particularly subversive aspect of perfectionism, which perfectionists themselves generally aren’t aware of, is that they’re not actually driven so much to be perfect as much as to be seen as perfect, which leads them to be obsessed with not failing, holding themselves to unattainable standards, and avoiding public mistakes at all costs. As such, they can spend so much time tinkering or deciding on a course of action that they get little done. In addition, perfectionists often feel a heightened need for positive validation and approval, while dreading any form of negative judgment or criticism. Research shows that perfectionism can lead people to put in less effort, not more—with their subconscious leading them to reason: “Since I’m not going to get this exactly right, I won’t try as hard.” And the vicious effect is this creates more pressure when people fall behind and feel criticized for inadequate work. Benjamin Cherkasky, a therapist and researcher on perfectionism at Northwestern University’s Family Institute, understands that twisted logic firsthand. He says he quit a competitive swim team when he was in the eighth grade even though he loved the sport. The thing was, he wasn’t winning as many races as he thought he should. “I’m not Michael Phelps, so why am I even on the team?” Cherkasky recalls thinking. He realized only years later that unrealistic standards were taking the joy out of his time in the pool. One final effect of perfectionism is that it may cause people to isolate themselves and detach from their work and from others. It can cause overwhelming emotional suffering and act as both a cause and symptom of anxiety. While perfectionism has long been a problem among employees, in recent years, it’s become a good deal more common.

• From Anxiety at Work: 8 Strategies to Help Teams Build Resilience, Handle Uncertainty, and Get Stuff Done

  Also, so much of the expertise that makes businesses run well isn’t in the heads of leaders, or in a training manual or formal process, it’s learned from hands-on experience and kept in the collective know-how of employees. Team members can share a wealth of “learning by doing” knowledge with one another, and they are building a culture of continuous learning along the way. Organizations are encouraging peers to assist one another with their day-to-day work, and with networking and pursuing learning opportunities, in a myriad of creative ways. Many firms we work with have set up online marketplaces on their intranets to facilitate this, while others hold peer-learning workshops to connect employees who are willing to teach specific skills to their colleagues. Another great practice that can be less anxiety-producing for introverted employees than giving a presentation is asking them to create how-to videos on important processes, which are posted on the company’s internal network. Some might also be shown to new employees when they come on board. Generally, three to four minutes is the optimal length, and a wealth of free filmmaking services are available online, along with tutorials about best practices for recording and editing. In their book The Expertise Economy , Kelly Palmer and David Blake advocate formalizing peer-to-peer learning to build employee confidence. They point to a few characteristics that summarize best practices that can get a team learning more from each other and peers around the organization: Appoint a facilitator. Assign a person who can organize peer-learning sessions and keep meetings on topic, whether in person or online.Build a safe environment. Help participants feel safe to ask questions and share thoughts and experiences. Invite specialists to “parachute” in from other departments and pick their brains.Focus on real-world situations. Team members are more likely to participate, and learn more effectively, if learning sessions address their current challenges.* * * While there are many uncertainties today, especially about the working world, we are certain that those leaders who will be successful in the future will give greater attention to people development. To solve the seemingly intractable problems of our time, and to move our organizations in a more prosperous direction, great bosses will pay more attention to their people—especially finding ways for them to grow. Success going forward will depend largely on finding ways to bring the unique motivators, style, and talents of our people to bear. SUMMARYHelp Chart Career DevelopmentResearch shows younger workers are more eager to move up or out, and more than 75 percent of Gen Zers say they believe they should be promoted within their first year on the job.

• From Anxiety at Work: 8 Strategies to Help Teams Build Resilience, Handle Uncertainty, and Get Stuff Done

  Yet Sabat notes that stepping up once isn’t enough, and allyship is a journey that grows throughout a leader’s career. “Be open to criticism and feedback,” he adds. “If someone calls you out on the way you [respond to a situation], or if you said something problematic, be open to learning and growing.” Method 4: Advocate Susan Wojcicki, CEO of YouTube, says addressing imbalances requires those who have power and influence to extend their privilege. For instance, she says, “In every organization, there are many people—from senior leaders to first-time managers—who have the power to elevate women in the workplace.” One of those who advocated for Wojcicki was Bill Campbell, executive coach to a who’s-who of tech superstars. “I learned about an important invitation-only conference convening most of the top leaders in tech and media, yet my name was left off the guest list,” she said. “Many of the invitees were my peers [other tech CEOs], meaning that YouTube wouldn’t be represented while deals were cut and plans were made. I started to question whether I even belonged at the conference. But rather than let it go, I turned to Bill, someone I knew had a lot of influence. He immediately recognized I had a rightful place at the event, and within a day he worked his magic and I received my invitation.” When allies assume the role of advocates, they use their influence to bring peers from underrepresented groups into new circles. They hold their leadership peers accountable for including qualified colleagues of all genders, races and ethnicities, abilities, ages, body shapes and sizes, religions, and sexual orientations; and they actively mentor those from underrepresented groups and introduce them to people in their network. This means they aren’t just behind-the-scenes mentors, but public advocates for those they are mentoring. They find terrific satisfaction in identifying high-potential diverse talent, providing them stretch roles, and helping them overcome obstacles. They find this kind of mentoring behavior is good not only for the protégé, but for the leader and the organization. SUMMARYBecome an AllyThere has been a historic pattern of anxiety in particular groups within the workplace—those too often made to feel like “others.” Of particular concern are women, people of color, those on the LGBTQ+ spectrum, members of religious minorities, and those with disabilities.Many in these communities must hide their true identities. But when managers create cultures where people feel comfortable being themselves, dramatic performance gains can be unlocked as everyone is able to focus all their attention on work.Many leaders do not understand the level of implicit bias that occurs in our work cultures. Microaggressions are biases that reveal themselves in often subtle ways and leave people feeling uncomfortable or insulted.

• From Anxiety at Work: 8 Strategies to Help Teams Build Resilience, Handle Uncertainty, and Get Stuff Done

  Of course, friendships in the office can be tricky. As a note: Team members’ interpersonal relationships are typically none of our business as managers; that is, until team performance is impacted. When taken to extremes, for instance, cliquishness can create Survivor -like alliances and tribes that can cause more exclusion for some. Also, when boundaries are blurred between the professional and the personal, there’s an opportunity for feelings and group performance to be hurt. However, the fact that there is potential for entanglements is not an excuse for managers to avoid connecting employees with each other. Workers don’t necessarily have to go out for drinks or share intimate personal details about themselves, e.g., So that’s the story of my lower back tattoo. No, positive relationships are built on vulnerability, authenticity, and compassion—and those can happen within work hours, within healthy boundaries (such as establishing rules about avoiding office gossip and that everyone should be included and treated equally). Managers should also model those behaviors in their interactions with their team members, say Seppälä and King. So, should managers try to be friends with those they supervise? While they can be warm and caring, managers should not be too chummy with their employees. We could point (as a bad example) to the wayward wisdom of Michael Scott of The Office , who was so concerned with being his employees’ best friend that he couldn’t hold anyone accountable. “Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy: both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me,” he said. Though entertaining, no one should ever attempt to emulate Scott’s behavior in the workplace, or anywhere else. We were once asked to coach a high-potential manager. The division director admitted he’d promoted the fellow to a supervisory position because, in addition to being competent in his finance role, he got along with everyone. “He was the guy you’d most want to go to a party with,” said the director. But once Mr. Life of the Office became the “boss,” he became Mr. Tough Guy. What friendships had existed became frayed. No one wanted to even have a casual conversation with him. It seemed like all he could talk about was deadlines and quotas, and his constant scowl seemed to show his team members they weren’t doing all they could. It took considerable coaching, as well as some pretty blunt 360-degree feedback, to get him to see the light, that he’d gone too far and was adding significantly to the team’s anxiety levels. In another case, we were asked to work with a leader who had come from outside the organization to assume a senior role over a team that needed some direction.

• From Anxiety at Work: 8 Strategies to Help Teams Build Resilience, Handle Uncertainty, and Get Stuff Done

  Rewarding those who ask for help is critical, she concluded. “Let them know it is excellent behavior.” Team check-ins might be done in regular staff meetings or in special update meetings. The goal is to ensure that all team members are on the same page as time progresses by asking questions such as: What fresh obstacles are we facing to hitting our team targets, what will we not be able to deliver on time if things keep going as they are, what are we hearing from the client, who on the team is held up waiting for what deliverables, and who needs help? As to individual check-ins, anxiety can be allayed when leaders regularly ask employees about their workloads privately. Let’s face it, some people will never be comfortable talking about feeling overloaded in a team setting. A particular issue to be aware of is that new hires and younger workers are often more reticent to ask for help, for various reasons. They’re afraid of being a burden. They want to look capable. For many, they’re used to being able to do all their work on their own (as with their college course load). Their lack of familiarity with many aspects of business procedures can be daunting or frustrating. It’s important to tell your people that you see asking for help as a sign of strength rather than weakness. Also let every employee know that you’re asking the entire team about how they’re managing their loads in individual meetings; that way they won’t feel singled out. You want to be sure that in asking, you convey that you’re doing so in order to solve problems where you can. Then it’s important to follow up to do just that. To lessen anxiety, we’ve found some good questions to ask in these individual check-ins include: Do you feel like you can complete the project by deadline without having to work unreasonable hours? Is there anyone else on the team who could help so you could meet the deadline? Is there any part of this project that might be delayed? Do you need any additional training or resources to be successful? What have you learned that we might do differently next time we are up against a task like this? Of course, wrenches can be thrown into the works at any moment that will require emergency one-on-ones.

• From Anxiety at Work: 8 Strategies to Help Teams Build Resilience, Handle Uncertainty, and Get Stuff Done

  Such inclusion helps people feel like they are being brought into the inner circle to brainstorm solutions to challenges. Ambiguity either prolongs inevitable bad news or widens the trust gap. Or both. We were particularly affected by a conversation we had with Ryan Westwood, CEO of business management firm Simplus, who spoke about the link between anxiety and uncertainty. “There is an inherent distrust in leaders today,” he said. That is a powerful understanding, and we wish every manager knew how true it is. Westwood continued, “You have to prove that you can be trusted. When this pandemic hit, the first thing we did was cut the pay of the executive leadership, including myself. We communicated that early and it sent a message that we were willing to make sacrifices.” Still, three months into the crisis, the CEO and his team realized that they would have to make a few tough cuts. “We held an all-hands meeting with more than five hundred employees around the world, and I told everyone we’d tried to make it through without any layoffs, but we were going to have to, and it would affect about 3 percent of our people.” He explained why the cuts were absolutely necessary—showing the numbers—and Westwood outlined the plan for those who would be affected. “It was amazing how many messages I got later that said, ‘I never feel like I’m going to be blindsided here,’ or ‘I always feel like you’re going to be honest with me.’” The actual reduction in force was only 1 percent by the end because his team rallied and was able to minimize the impact. Openness, especially about delicate matters, is much too rare. As we consult with organizations, we find that many leaders come up short at helping employees honestly understand whether or not they have a solid future within the organization, or at what level their opportunities may top out. At one manufacturing plant, for example, the HR manager had worked for twenty years to receive the proper accreditations and certificates so that he might take over when the vice president of HR retired. When the day finally came and he sent in his application for the big job, he received a one-line email response from the CEO. It read, “We could not support you in this role.” There was no warning. No face-to-face candor. Just twenty years of work and then those eight words that would shape his, his coworkers’, and his family’s perception of the company forever. In contrast, in interviews we conducted at the American Express call centers, we were struck by how each member of Camaraza’s leadership team seemed compelled to be respectfully honest with employees about their development opportunities and career potential, even if they decided to leave because of that clarity. Asking someone to sail blindly into the future is never a good idea—for a team member or the organization.